Channel: Yassir Fazaga
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TV does not only sell products,
TV sells ideas.
And many times we're not paying attention. As we are being sold ideas by TV, we think that TV only sells products at the time of commercial. That is certainly part of it. But the idea is that TV cells are extremely powerful.
Appreciate the power of DVD super analog, this machine is absolutely powerful.
And the people who are in charge of it, they know how powerful it is.
And they are able to manipulate us, they're able to sell us ideas that's able to sell us products, they're able to play with our emotions, they are capable of doing a lot of stuff.
And many times we don't even know that this is what is going on. Give you an example. Some of you may not be old enough to, you know, appreciate the example. But there was a show called Happy Days.
And the star of the show was force.
And supposedly he was the sexiest man alive at a time.
This is a guy that was wearing the leather jacket black leather jacket, and he was wearing his jeans. And he was just this you know, guy and just people absolutely loved. Because like Yasmin said earlier, you know, we was quoted as saying that people look up to the rich and powerful as their models. And these are the people that they follow. So in one of the episodes fans is this really stupid guy? He's really good, but he's really dumb. You know, like, Homer Simpson, maybe so anyways. So what happens is, Fonz decides that he wants to get a library card.
The guy has never set foot in the library before, he doesn't know what the library is, I don't think you could have spelled the word library. So he goes to the library, and he makes an absolute fool of himself. And it was really funny, it's sitcom. But then next day, 500,000 teenagers went to the local libraries to get a library card.
This is how powerful it is. That it sells ideas. It sells products as well. So part of the ideas that TV sells us is what is the definition of manhood who is really a man? And what is the definition of womanhood? And who is really a woman.
And SubhanAllah. When you look into there is this great book by name by a man named Michael Kimmel, and it is on the cultural history of manhood in America.
He speaks about the different definitions and the different stages, and the evolving definitions of manhood in the US. And he goes all the way back to the 18 hundred's, how people define manhood back then. And then later on as time went by how people would define manhood, and he gets to talk about playboy actually was a new definition of manhood. You know, because playboy when it came out in 1955, I wasn't around back then I promise you, when it came around, in 1955, it came in was the idea of redefining what it means to be a man. Somebody said, No, man, playboy, that is just to sissy hustler is the real deal.
And they actually presented hustler as the real definition of what it means to be a man.
But as they are defining what it means to be a man, they're also defining what it means to be a woman. And it goes on to the point and this is really interesting. There was a period, if you remember, again, you know, some of you may not be old enough to remember this in the 1980s. A set of movies and stars came out. One of them is Sylvester Stallone. And I tell you, I'm quoting him now, Sylvester Stallone is this big guy. And he actually came in and he said, you know, the men that are presented on TV nowadays, are very women is
his time, he said now to set the balance correct.
So now they are redefining what it means to be a man. And they are giving us a set of movies that just came out at that point. Sylvester Stallone, Steven Seagal, Bruce Willis, Van Damme, Chuck Norris, and all of a sudden, you know, don't tell me how in all of these people. So now all of a sudden what we have going on is that there is a new definition of who a man is basically a person who is able to wrestle down other people. This is a person who's very powerful, extremely arrogant, full of themselves, but he can destroy
All the people out there, no matter how many of them are out there.
And then we come to a definition that is very recent, even though our community and our society is very hyper sexualized. TV uses a lot of sex to sell. Because sex really sells. It does not matter what the product is, if you can bring in a sexual image into it, believe me, people will remember
every meme, every person remembers that mechanical bull was called Jr. If it's not all the place, it's called union, you'll know what I'm talking about.
If you're selling Pepsi, you're selling a car, whatever it is, bring sex into the picture. And what happens is you will sell and that is why Subhanallah nowadays, we've got a huge problem with pornography. huge problem is pornography. People spend over $100 billion a year worldwide on pornography.
There are 29,000 people every second searching for pornography every single day.
68 million hits on the net people looking for pornography.
Listen to this, there are 420 million pages dedicated to pornography.
4.2 million websites dedicated to pornography. There is a porn site that comes out every 39 minutes. San Gabriel Valley, which is not very far from here makes about 13,000 movies a year porn dedicated.
Unfortunately, 160,000 of these searches are on child pornography.
You look into this and you say, wait a minute. See, these people are not just selling images, they're also selling ideas. What it means to be a man, there is nothing manly about being a playboy.
See, defining manhood, by the way is not something it's not a talk for the brothers. By the way, it really is a talk for the sisters as well, for two main reasons. Number one, you would want to marry a man
so what it is now is that you have to have an understanding of what it is or what it is to be a man.
Not only that, but you will also be in charge of raising one.
So you have to have an understanding of what it is, what are you raising.
So now we've been sold these ideas, really a man no display boy image that this is the man will lie there is really nothing manly about this. So in a way, they're talking about us being very hyper sexualized, but they also have a new deficient definition nowadays for men, and that is they're being Metro sexualized.
And what they mean by that is that, you know, these men are being told almost to be like, women,
the, you know, in touch with your, you know, sensitive part are we would be we would be told, so they're looking at this and Subhanallah it is just very confusing. Now, I'm growing up, I really want to be a man. But I don't know what it means to be a man. But suppose Allah Do you know what is amazing about this, they say that if you leave a young girl alone, she will be able on her own to grow up to be a lady solo that you don't interfere.
Young girls have the ability to grow up and be ladies on their own boys, they have to be taught what needs to be a man
can you know?
Girls, they can grow up and be ladies on their own. But boys would have to be taught what it means to be a man.
And that is why Subhan Allah, you know, when they speak about absent fathers, especially when you have boys, well, what do we copy you growing up to be a man but you don't have an example that was set for you and you need to be guided into what it means to be a man. So now what we've been told is that a real man is the man who is that playboy type. He can have as many women and he can, you know, he's the stud, you know, is the guy that is able to go around and do this and do that. That is one of the definitions that are being given to us about men. But see that definition about men is also leading
To under the definition, and that is what the job of a woman is. So, there is this book called porn land, written by a woman named Gail dines. And she speaks about how porn is not only defining manhood and masculinity, but it is also defining womanhood and femininity. And that is the whole, the whole purpose of a woman is to be pleasing to a man. And if you've been listening to little Wayne,
you'll know who that is. Again, you know, in their music, they're also giving us a definition of what it means to be a man and what it is to be a woman. But again, that is leading into something else that is really Subhanallah very detrimental. And that is our sense of self worth, is dependent on us being validated by others.
Please check this out. Pay attention to it. This is this is part of the deep,
our sense of self worth. If it comes from any other source, other than our relationship with Allah, Allah, we are in deep trouble.
We are in deep trouble in how you feel about yourself comes from any other place, other than your relationship with Allah you are in deep trouble. Give an example. Now that Hadith the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said that a servant of Allah would seek to get closer to Allah, by fulfilling the obligations, and that servant of Allah man or a woman would want to get closer to Allah. So what they would do is that they do all the voluntary acts, abortion just goes on and on and on. And then it goes on to say, if a servant of mine makes a mention of me, in an assembly, Allah will make a mention of him in a better assembly, it gets even more beautiful. And then it says
that if you make a mention of Allah in yourself, Allah will make a mention of you in himself. Now, that is what I called real self esteem.
Just knowing that every time I think of him, he thinks of me.
Remember that, you know, childish, first love that you had,
when you call up somebody and say, I was just thinking of, Oh, I was thinking of you too. And you know,
all that. Now imagine SubhanAllah. Imagine that, that makes people feel good. But now somehow imagine, every time you think of Allah, you make a mention of him in yourself, a lot makes a mention of you in himself.
And then we are being given this definition for womanhood. And that is their job is to, you know, again, to be there for the guy, satisfy the guy meet the needs of the guy, objectified commodified, your commodity and object, and that is really your job. That is why today we have one of every four girls in the fourth grade has got some sort of an eating disorder.
Because they've been taught that in order for you to be validated and valued by society, you cannot exceed a certain way, you have to have these physical characteristics. And if you don't have it, tough luck.
You're out of there. So now we're being sold, you know, these these definitions of what it means to be a woman. And this book called The Bible beauty. And what it talks about is all the possible plastic surgeries that a woman can go through in order to look good,
Malawi, and the book is like five, you know, different chapters, it starts from the neck up, and talks about all the different procedures that you can have, you know, from the neck up, and what every procedure is called, and how much it would cost you and why do you need it and it just goes on and on and on to the point that we stop living life for ourselves. And we start living somebody else's life. To the point that we don't no longer we no longer know who we are.
Because, again, we have been given this definition. Sometimes we're also told that our words as men and women, comes either from our position or from our possession. Let the Lexus speak for you. I don't want no darn Lexus to speak for I want to speak for myself. I don't want that to speak for me. So we're constantly being bombarded normally make a statement about yourself, you know, with American Express Subhanallah the logo, you know, it's so prestigious to have American Express. And the point now is that again, just following on what one has said. And that is our definition of success is also is just almost being caused.
What is being presented to us as success, the powerful and the and the rich. So we end up accumulating so much, buying here and buying their thinking that, you know, this is what's going to do it for us. But to handle it, what happens is that we become very dependent on stuff,
we become dependent on stuff. And so panela, the type of dependency of dependency is emotional dependence.
Listen to this, specially my sister's, the worst type of dependency is emotional dependence, when you wait for somebody else, or something else to make you happy, when you wait for somebody else, or something else to make you feel, or when you wait for somebody or something else, to make you feel validated or appreciated. And that point, what we have done is that we have surrendered so much power to the other. And that is you are in charge, you get to determine how we feel. Because simply if you don't say, then I'll just be miserable. And as such Subhanallah, we become extremely, extremely dependent. But divorce kind of dependency is not financial. Rather, it is emotional,
because we become enslaved from within.
So now what we want is going back to this organic principle, or any guidance, prophetic guidance, as far as you know, I really want to know what does it mean to be? What does it mean to be a man? Or does it mean to be a woman, so Panama the author and uses two words, it uses the word zeca, which means male, and it uses the word gradual, which means man,
and even Haiyan. in history, he goes on to follow this word, gradual man in the Quran.
And it's usually this very heroic figure that is in the Quran.
it said that, and this believing man, who was of the people of the Pharaoh, we don't have a name for him. But what we have is a description, that he was a man. He was a man that was benefiting from the status quo, but the status quo was not good. Even though he was directly benefiting from it, you belong to the royal family? How better can it be? So this man stands out and says, This is wrong? I don't want to be part of this. So the Quran does not give us a name, but rather it gives us a definition that is,
so I've been high on comments on this. And he says, laser coolamon cannot enter hula here, as Maharajah said that not everybody that grows a beard becomes a man
says that it's no longer the superficial definition of manhood. You know, growing a bit. So hello. And I thought that, you know, why would he say this? This is I just thought that Who would think that. But I remember one time, I was working in displays, and one of my co workers I haven't seen for a while and then I saw him and he just looked very happy. And I said, What's going on? He said, Man, life is good. I grew my mustache
and said I have a car. But to him. That was his rite of passage to manhood. He's got a mustache.
And I almost wanted to quote Odin hayyan for him, but I didn't.
But now this is what is being presented. So I said, This is not how it is. So he said the core and actually has a purpose for differentiating between a soccer a male and a man. He said that manhood is a position that a person attains veker is just a biological fact. You're either male or female, and that is the end of it. But he said that to actually be a man, this is something that you have to earn. And Subhana Allah, the Quran always emphasizes that truly a man the words of a man is to be judged by their character,
it is to be judged by their character, it is not your position, it is not your position, but rather, it is about your words as far as your relationship with your Creator is concerned, and also as to what kind of character do you possess. So again, the teachings of the Quran, they just really reverse and at that point, there is really no distinction between a man and a woman. Remember this, this male female relationship is the most basic relationship in the world. And if we get that wrong, then everything else is wrong. So this is really important. Understanding this, do you know at that level that this is the most basic you can't have any other relationships if that relationship does
not exist? So it is very important to us as Muslims especially
You know, brothers hear that we understand what and how it is that we see women. And it's also very important that our sisters see, you know, have a correct understanding of how they see brothers and how they see men. Simply, if we have this right, then we can make wiser decisions later on. But nowadays to panel, what we see is that, you know, they say that there are three types of
at that level, the man male female relationship, is there are three types of connections. The number one connection is what we call the flesh connection. And that is people coming to an understanding to misuse and abuse each other's bodies. Are we connected last night?
we hooked up last night? And what does that mean? You know, just had, you know, whatever it is, hit it and quit, right.
So now, what happens is that this is what people have in mind. So, panela, you know, when I first came to the States, to Panama, I did not, I did not speak much English, I only knew towards English Good, good, very good.
What happened is, I would I would go, and I would see these people like lunchtime, and they would be kissing and making out And remember, you know, I've never seen stuff like that before. So I would walk up to them say, oh, When are you getting married? And people look at me say Who said anything about marriage? And I would say well, you know, you seem to be going at it.
And what they would say is we like each other for right now. Subhan. Allah will lie. It did not make sense to me back then. And it does not make sense to me now. Why would you be making an emotional investment with somebody? Knowing that it's going nowhere?
Will you Why would you?
Why would you give off yourself so much, knowing that this is going nowhere.
And once it is based on that, then you don't care for the well being of the person, you don't care for the happiness of the person, you don't care for the growth or the development of the person, because you're getting what you want from that person. And that is the end of it.
And if you are in that lifestyle, that is a sick lifestyle, you will never be able to truly develop a truly loving, intimate caring relationship. Because we have been so used to seeing people like an orange where you take squeeze and then throw away. We don't see the goodness in them, but we see the usefulness in them.
And the minute we go there, it means that we have messed up that male female relationship at its core at its very base. And as a result, we cannot truly have any more relationships that are meaningful. where the person is not really interested in your inner beauty. They're only interested in your outer beauty.
And that is very, very dispensable.
So what we want is, we want to consider people not because of that irrelevant stuff that has been talked about earlier, but other is the inner beauty that really brings meaningful relationships. So the Quran will teach that women are not different than men in anything, and also handle the Quran sometimes would they would would would go and make that distinction. In Nila, or the ram anomaly min comienza Quran said that no deed that was performed by the believers be they females or males will go to waste or will go into vain. Allah does not have different expectations from men and women, we are equally responsible and Subhana Allah there is this idea of zoji in the Quran, which means fair,
but to truly have appeared, they must be equal. That's where the idea of xojo comes from. The Quran does not make a distinction as far as what it is that we would create it from the expectations or the reward, this idea of equality at the very basic is really made so that we can set our relationship there for our or on the basis of these that male female relationship. So we don't want to be objectifying or commodifying And believe me, Muslims are capable of doing so we just do it differently. We just do it differently. So what we want to do is to step out of this self-righteousness mode, and we want to be engaged with reality or so this is the American selling
it at the time and I don't have to turn it off. Anyways.
So this is what we looking for in our in our community. You know, there is no respect for you know, this idea of being a playboy or playgirl that none of that stuff, what we ought to really be looking for. interested in. Not really the ideas that
are given and sold to us by TV or by the stars, but rather ideas, principles and guidance that are given to us by Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam a man's worth is in being dependable, responsible, don't go that on your word, being in charge, idea of
being just being just being responsible, especially if you choose to have a family, make a family idea, a sense of, you know, an importance to what it is that you have chosen, the type of choices that we make, the way that we use our time. These are all qualities that you don't hear about nowadays about, you know what it really means to be a man. But this is really what counts by the end of the day, especially if you are a father, especially if you are a husband. And these are the qualities that we look for, you know, raising our children or looking for that person that we want to be married to. Final suggestion. If you're interested in a book about the topic, there is this
great book written by name Akbar. And the title of the book is boys into womanhood and to match your womanhood in demand.
Now boys becoming becoming men, that is really a great book, to read about the about about the topic, but be a man, be a woman. Please remember that our sense of self worth can only come should only come from our relationship with our Creator, a lot of Panama dolla, dolla dolla