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Learn To Enjoy True Love Without Desperation

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Yasmin Mogahed

Channel: Yasmin Mogahed

Episode Notes

Unhealthy Attachments  

Episode Transcript

© No part of this transcript may be copied or referenced or transmitted in any way whatsoever. Transcripts are auto-generated and thus will be be inaccurate. We are working on a system to allow volunteers to edit transcripts in a controlled system.


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Just want to make sure that we are actually live and now on Facebook and on YouTube, and everywhere, where we are streaming our other Institute's webinar with steadiest mean Mujahid, I don't see any comments or chats yet. So I'm just going to have a quick look to make sure that you guys can all see us and hear us in sha Allah. And just bear with us as we kick off again. I know we had a couple of technical difficulties and I think we might not be pushing where we need to be just right now but let's have a quick look. To see if everything is good to go in sha Allah. Is that as mean as one got folks? Oh, yeah, we got a couple of folks we got hung up people. If you've sent hamdulillah let us

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know where you're coming in from those of you who are in the session right now. I see we have a lot of friends coming in on Facebook. Let us know which page are coming in from what part of the world what time it is inshallah we're super excited. Technology is always a little bit of a test but I'm humble Allah Patience pays off and we are back with another USB mage I had to kick off today's session on learning how to enjoy true love. Without desperate without desperation and unhealthy attachments. Insha Allah amazing. I see a lot of people coming through. We see shock coming in from Bangladesh. We have humera we have Ashley, we have wasabi sabe. We have salvia, we have Halima

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coming in from Mauritius. So many of you guys will see like coming in from to Cape Town, South Africa. Man we're coming in from the UAE keep dropping where you're coming in from and insha Allah how if you're excited for this session with the soleus mean, as we kick off for the topic, this is one of the sessions closing off a really exciting webinar series that we've been doing for the past several weeks that's just about ending. And along with it we're actually closing the flagship course that Sally has been has with Mr. Graham Institute transformed the principles of spiritual development

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with a Maghrib online checkout if you have not already the doors are closing very soon head over to Mr. Dot online to check that out. And of course, inshallah benefits from the full course that's inspired some of these beautiful gems and beautiful sessions that we are learning from from today. So I noticed that you've been waiting patiently for more than an hour at this point. I think we can attach all that time together cubed Aliy cumulatively Alhamdulillah. Assalamu aleikum wa rahmatullah How are you sir?

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While it comes to light you better care to I am all right. How are you? Al Hamdulillah Well, I'm happy now that we're live and we have all these lovely people mashallah who've waited for us and who have joined us again, does that feel a fair to all of you guys make this second try worth it? Good luck. Let's just make sure we pick quick die that nothing goes wrong. Technically, inshallah and let's jump right into it for today's topic is that I'm going to pass it to you this documentary. Thank you very much. And I'm on a comb everyone. I apologize for the the technical issues and it happened to the lead is like located on for your, for your patience. I was able to go live on

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Instagram. So now I'm just going to redo it. It just didn't work simultaneously so Bismillah I will be live in a shaytani R rajim Bismillah R Rahman r Rahim, WA Salatu was Salam ala Rasulillah wide LM Sophia Germain rubbish Rouhani Saudi westerly, Omri, Wahid, octus, Emily Sandy of a whole colony. As you're coming in and letting us know where you're coming in from, I just want to jump in and talk a little bit about this very, very important topic. So how to love in a healthy way, without desperation, unhealthy attachments. This is I think, something that everyone can relate to, if this is something that's relevant to everyone, this is a topic I go in depth into in this class. So

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transform does have some mentioned, this is a class that I actually used to teach on site. It's a weekend, full weekend seminar, in which I take up different principles of spiritual development, psychological, emotional, and then just kind of bring it all together, of how we can take these concepts and make them practical. So in this class, I have four modules. The first module is about the nature of love. I talk in depth about where you know, what's the source of love? What is the difference between Healthy Love and unhealthy love? The second module is about the the heart, the nature of the heart, what is the what is it? why has Allah subhanaw taala made the heart what is the

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purpose? What is the function? And then what happens when things go wrong within the heart? How does that affect our lives? How does that affect our relationships? How can we protect the heart? How can we purify the heart The heart is actually as we're told by the prophets, I send them it's the master of the body. So I talk a lot about an entire module just about the heart taking care of the heart, and what is the nature of the heart that Allah subhanaw taala has created and what happens when we miss use this, this creation of a lost part of that what happens we don't take care of the heart, and then the detrimental and toxic effects on our lives and on our relationships.

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And then I have a module about hardships and pain. How do we understand our hardships? How do we navigate through our pain? And then how do we grow through it? And then finally, the fourth module is about our relationship with the Creator, and our relationship with the creation. This is about how do we tie everything together? How do we bring in all of these concepts that we that we are taught in the Quran and the Sunnah, by our teachers by our by our shoe? How do we bring it all together? I think my mom just logged in while it's and I'm like, Oh, mama. So how do we how do we tie that all in? And how do we then apply it in an in a practical way? Right? So we learn these

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concepts about love. We learn these concepts about taqwa, about telework code, but then how does that actually play out in our real life and in our real life relationships. So one of the topics I cover in this class, is the idea of Healthy Love versus unhealthy attachments. What happens when you take something and you love it in a way that you should only love Allah subhanaw taala, or you put it in a place in the heart, in a in a very, in the very core of the heart, in a place that is saved? For Allah subhanaw taala? What does that do to the human being? What does that do to the human heart? And then what does that do in your life into your relationships? Now, I'm just going to kind

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of give you just one snapshot of something that I cover in this class, in this section. And this is something that a lot of the students who have taken this class in the past have found to be really, especially eye opening. And that is that I asked everyone to to introspect to look inward and to answer a few questions. One of the questions and I'll just give you one of the questions that I asked, and then I give five or six other questions, but what these questions are designed to do, is they are designed to hone in on to, to really like, almost provide like a, an x ray into the heart, a magnifying glass to find out what's filling our hearts. What is it that when we look internally?

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What is that at the core of our hearts? So I asked a series of questions, and I asked people to sort of reflect on these questions, but I'm just going to give you one of these questions here. And that is, what do you think about all day? What do you think about most? What do you think about before you sleep? What keeps you up at night? What do you think about most? In your prayers? Perhaps? Now looking at this question, it seems like a very simple question, but it's very deep, because the answer to this question gives us a window into what's filling our hearts. And the reason for that is there's an intimate relationship between the mind and the heart. So whatever fills our mind is

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related to what is filling our heart. And vice versa. When there's something filling our hearts, it will fill our minds, it will fill our thoughts, it will consume us. And so you find that if you're because this is one of the biggest questions that people ask, right, like, how do I know if I have an unhealthy attachment? How do I know that you know that I'm not loving in a healthy way, or that I'm too dependent on something. And by the way, we can have unhealthy attachments to any of the creation, we can have an unhealthy attachment to our own child, we can have an unhealthy attachment to our spouse, to a parent, to our job to our careers to money, we can have an unhealthy attachment

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to anything of the creation. So when we do and this question of how do I know? Well, one of the ways you're going to know is it's going to hurt a lot, it's going to cause a lot of pain, it's going to cause a lot of conflict, both internally and externally. And that is because you've put as I as I, as I explained in the class, you've put orange juice in it in a gas tank. So it's like a person taking a car to the gas station. And instead of putting gas or petrol, or whatever you call it, you actually put orange juice, you're gonna destroy that car. And that's what happens to the human heart. When you take the core of the heart and you fill it with something other than God, you're

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putting orange juice in a gas tank. And so what it does is whatever that thing is, if it's a family member, if it's your job, if it's your career, if it's money, if you put it in the core of your heart, it's going to break your heart, it's going to hurt. And so one of the the techniques that I use in the class to ascertain what is there is by asking people to reflect and one of the questions I ask them to reflect on is what do you think about most, because that is going to give you a window into what's at the core of your heart. And this is a really important question to answer, because whatever. Now this is, this is essential that we understand this

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Do whatever is at the core of your heart becomes your master. So we, in other words, become slaves to whatever we love most. Whatever you put at the core of your heart, you become a slave to that. And that's why there are many people out there who are slaves to money, or slaves to power, there's so there's so they're so determined on getting more power or more money, that they actually become slaves to these things. But there is a less sort of, there's, there's a less

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pro properly understood type of attachment that that many of us have. And some of us are actually encouraged to have, and especially in certain cultures, there's a there's a type of attachment, that is very unhealthy, and yet it is encouraged. And that is the attachment to our children. One of the things that that I found to be sort of an underlying issue across many cultures, is the way in which we teach our in way in which we teach our women and our men, especially our women, about how to interact or, or what type of relationship to have with your child, you know, there is this idea, it's sort of a common cultural understanding is that in order to be a good mother, for example, in

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order to be a loving mother, you need to take your child and put your child at the center of your universe. And now what you do is instead of sort of revolving your life and your existence, around your true Center, which should be God, which should be Allah subhanaw taala, instead, you take your child, and you put your child at the center, and then you do tawaf around your child. Now, this process of doing tawaf around your own child, is extremely toxic. So this is one of the examples I go in depth into. In the class. It's a practical example of how these spiritual concepts play out in real life. And the toxic, poisonous type of, of consequence, really, to having these, you know, not

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understanding these spiritual principles. So this is an example. And then you'll see, you know, that this relationship when the relationship between the mother, for example, and the son is not healthy, when culturally and societally you're being told that you need to almost worship your child, right, your child is the center of your life, you give up everything you know, you, you don't even focus on your own marriage anymore, because everything's about the child, a lot of people, there is no relationship with the husband and the wife, because everything is about the children, right? It's all about the children. So in a sense that the husband and the wife are no longer husband and wife,

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their mother and father, and the only relationship they have is that they together, hold hands and do tawaf around the child together. And that's very unhealthy. But unfortunately, it's very common. And so I talk about this, this, among other many examples, practical examples of how, how an unhealthy type of, of attachment in the spiritual realm plays out and has very toxic consequences in the psychological, emotional and relationship realm. So you find that now the dynamic between the mother and the child or the mother and the sons, typically is very unhealthy. And now the Son himself grows up. And now he is not, he does not necessarily have a healthy upbringing himself,

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because now his relationship with the mother is not is not as it shouldn't be. It's not balanced. So some might call that a mama's boy or even a narcissist. Because, because because his mother used to revolve her existence around him, he may expect that that's what others should do as well. And this isn't healthy, right? It doesn't become healthy in his marriage. Now, when when that son gets married, now you have conflict often between his wife and his mother. Now this conflict really shouldn't be there. There shouldn't be a competition. But the reason for it is actually going back 2025 30 years to the type of attachment and relationship there was since he was a child. So these

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are the types of

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Have you no practical examples that we talk about in the class, this is just one example. But this is something that is very real. And we talk about how we can start to have healthy relationships, how we can start to give and, and receive love, from a place a fullness, and not from a place of emptiness and desperation that is born out of unhealthy attachments. So, in sha Allah, I hope that that I can see many of you in the live q&a is I have all of this content available for people who sign up, it's it's lifetime access, you can you can, you can access this this information at your own pace. Although it's all of the content that I would do in a full full time weekend seminar, but

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now you have access to it globally and at your own pace, and you have lifetime access. But on top of that, people who register for this class, get exclusive, on line, live q&a, so you can you can interact with the information, and then you can come back and you can ask your questions in the live q&a. And I do four of these at one hour each. So it's a lot of time that I get to interact with the students Inshallah, so I hope to see you there does that can be located on again, the link is in the chat box, and it's also on my Facebook and Instagram, I hope that you can sign up because it is closing in just a few days until ledges like Malachite on was Santa Monica, Allah, He will get one

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from the cinema off the line, we're gonna get to Saturday, just knock them off here. For those kind of hard truths. Sometimes it's hard to hear, I'm sure for many parents that you're doing the walk around your child, a lot of people are doing very, very genuine, you know, actions for the sake of pleasing a lot, but harming their relationship with Allah and with that with the people in their lives that they're trying to please the same time. So this course allows us to navigate that and to sort out those difficult relationships, those difficult feelings that we've been experiencing, without having the right the right guidance and the right approach. So I'm super excited for it

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really quickly. Before we leave in sha Allah, I want to show you guys something that will inshallah hopefully answer a lot of the questions I know, we keep getting in the chats and our private messages about what this transformed experience is going to look like what is the portal going to look like? How are you going to be able to benefit and access everything, and I want to tell you guys, it's actually one of the easiest things inshallah that you can do. So really quickly, I'm going to share my screen and give you guys just a really quick sneak peek into what actually happens when you register for the transformed online class with this obvious mean, which I hope you guys can

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see the link once again in the description and on your screen. But let me just show you guys what you'll look at. So as soon as you register for the class, you'll have access to everything. So that means all the modules we have for lengthy modules that are broken down into easy to absorb bite sized lessons. So you can see the introduction video is already there. And then we have module one, the introduction to love, you have multiple lessons navigating that topic module two, as I already mentioned, as well as the introduction to the heart, we have a module number three hardships and pain, again, 11 lessons in that module. And then finally, we have module number four, a lot and his

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creation. And one thing that we don't get to do, which we wish we could in these sessions that we have with you guys live here on Facebook, YouTube, Instagram, etc, is that we don't get to have proper q&a But alhamdulillah as Sandy mentioned, as well, we will have four q&a sessions with her during the transformed experience you get a chance to actually bring in your personal struggles, your personal experiences and get clarity from the principles of the course and from the experience of SATA has had over a decade of this work mashallah the sessions will be in your own time zone. So ignore the time that you see here everything is converted into your local time. So inshallah you'll

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be able to find them if they're going to be 5pm ESD. And there's a lot more detail about that when you go to transformed online, through among them to online you'll also have a course binder, extra resources, a DA booklet, inshallah and vicar challenge and the US so inshallah you'll have Allah to keep yourself busy, but it's very easy. Soon as you register for the class, you'll have access to everything and you'll be able to prepare yourself for the live q&a. So I want to make sure that you don't miss out have any questions, you're welcome to send us a quick message. I'll come to online, and inshallah we look forward to seeing you on the other side with this Sunday as mean, and we love

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your family and each other insha Allah as we navigate, transformed the principles of spiritual development with the SE Majapahit does that clicker for joining us for today's webinar, the course is closing very very soon. So please make sure that you hit that button, you click the link in the description and that that to make sure you don't miss out on this amazing experience. We always get requests and questions from students when we're going to be launching this course again so on handler that guys are here and that you have access to this experience. For now. Take care yourself, stay safe, stay happy, stay healthy. We will see you in sha Allah for one last webinar as we close

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off transformed online. But we it's very exciting to have you here and to have a southern mashallah present today's topic, and we'll see you very soon for now As salam o alaikum.