Channel: Yasir Qadhi
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Indeed All praise is due to Allah subhanahu wa tada we praise Him and we seek His help and we seek refuge in Allah from the evil of our souls and the consequences of our actions. Indeed whomever Allah subhana wa tada guides, no one can miss guide and whomever Allah misguides none can guide him back to the straight path. bear witness and I testify that there is no deity worthy of worship other than Allah subhanahu wa tada and bear witness and I testify that Mohammed sallallahu alayhi wa sallam is his final prophet and his most perfect worshipper as to what follows Allah Subhana which Allah has commanded us to be conscious of him when he says in the Quran, yeah, you have Latina Manu
taco la haka to potty wala Timo tuna Illa will unto Muslim moon or you who believe have Taqwa of Allah be conscious of a law of fear Allah, as he is deserving to have adequate love, and do not die except in a state of Islam. My dear brothers and sisters, the Quran reminds us of the miracle of the creation around us. And one of the facets of this miracle is the fact that Allah chose to create mankind and in fact most of the animal and plant kingdom in pairs in spouses, if Allah had wanted to, he would not have created mankind in this fashion, and he would have created mankind to be one gender, but Allah subhana wa tada says, That woman could only Shay in Hakuna Zhu, Janey La La, la
corona from every species, we made them into two genders so that you can reflect you can ponder and Allah subhanho wa Taala reminds us in the Quran, that woman Yachty he of his miracles when Allah says an ayah an ayah is something that should make you reflect it should make you ponder and it should amaze you. an ayah is a sign that is an amazement, it is a miracle. And it is something that should make you appreciate the power the wisdom of a law woman a yachtie of the miracles of a law. And hello Carla comb, Minh and fusi come as wotja This is a very deep verse. And it translates that of the miracles of a law of the signs that should cause you to come closer to Allah to worship a lot
to thank Allah is that he has created from you spouses. Hello Carla come in and fusi come as wotja He has created for you from you spouses halaqaat law calm a lot didn't need to make us into two genders. He doesn't need anything from us. Allah didn't need to make us into male and female but a lot did so for our comfort for our sake Chanukah calm it's for you that Allah said I did this so that life is easier for you so that you can there the hardships and the discomforts of this dunya in a manner that is more easier. Hello, Carla calm. It's for you that I did this. What did I do? He created for you from you.
The modern psychologists that's written a very famous book has entitled that men are from Mars, women are from Venus is one of the best selling books and he's joking that we are aliens to one another. It's a joke. Allah is saying you are not aliens. He created each one of you from you. From every pair, there comes men and or women. Every male has female and male ancestry. Every female has male female ancestry. We are not aliens to one another Chanukah comb Minh and fusi calm He has created for you from you, men and women they might be different, but they are the same species. As Allah says in the Quran, bow lukumi and bow. Each one of you is from the other. Each one of you
comes from the other every single one of us we have a male and female we have our mother and father Hanukkah comin unfussy come He created for you from you. Why did Allah say from you so that we understand that we are one creation? We are one species, all of us are the sons and daughters of Adam. That's what Allah is saying. created from you for you. What did you do as wotja and as watch doesn't just mean husband. This is a mistake of a translation as large means spouse. So Allah is reminding the women that hey, women, your husbands are created for you from you husband's your wives are created for you from you.
You every one of us is created from the same two genders, every one of us is meant for the other and that is why Allah says in the Koran, Bow Bow comin bow, each one of you is from the other. And Allah says in the Quran? Well me No, no one minute, but I'll go home earlier about the believing women and the believing men. They are protectors and helpers of one another. They are protectors and helpers of one another men and women, husbands and wives. They're meant to be on the same team. They're not meant to be enemies. They're meant to be helping one another. They're not meant to be competing with one another. And this is why Allah reminds us of the miracle and the blessings of spouses of
marriage of good family, and of course, our hope, but today will be one of I'll be giving multiple series about this issue of good family and today's talk will be about overall the blessings of having a good family and the blessings of having a good spouse and Allah azza wa jal mentions in the Quran, one mil rahmati he of His mercy, of His mercy He has created for you spouses He has created for you comfort from each other for the other. In fact, in one verse in a very beautiful verse, Allah reminds us that the purpose of the spouse Allah says in the Koran, what Giada Bina komazawa ditton wahama He is the one that has placed in your hearts, the hearts of whom husband and wife, he
is the one that has placed in your hearts Mohammed de Mola de is a very interesting Noun. The out of the Arabic language is not like English. In English we have one noun for love, love that describes love between father and son between mother and daughter, between husband and wife between lover and beloved between Allah and the creation is one word love. But in Arabic, there are as you mentioned, more than 10 nouns for love more than 10 different nouns and of these nouns is MOA de MOA de is a love that is a tender love, a love full of gentleness, a love, full of compassion. And notice, Allah uses this love, he doesn't choose the love that Hollywood and Bollywood likes to talk about. That's
called the dish. And that's romantic love. That's not the main love, it is good to have, it's important to have. But this issue is a temporary phase is the honeymoon phase, the real love that develops between spouses, the love that develops after 10 2030 years, that is more and more what is a love, where you care about the other person, the love, where you will sacrifice your happiness for the happiness of the other. That is what Melinda is. And Allah is saying, Where did that come from? Who put it in the hearts and Subhanallah it's something so amazing. You do not generally speaking, know your spouse growing up, you do not know who that person is, you have no idea you meet them,
maybe in your mid 20s. And then the marriage takes place. And then Subhanallah within a few years, maybe even within a few weeks or days or months. The love that is established between these two, who used to be strangers, is the strongest love known to mankind. Generally speaking, of course, the love of the mother to the child is a different type of love. But that love that comes out of nowhere. It comes from zero because you are strangers before you meet one another. And it goes to that level of strength that the poet's and the movies and all of the people they love to talk about. Allah is reminding us where did it come from? How could these two strangers have this strong bond?
Allah is saying what Giada Vina come, I put that in there. You couldn't have gotten it yourselves. You could not live with a stranger for 30 4050 years, if that love didn't exist, I am the one who blessed that love between the husband and wife, it would not have been there had not been pushed by myself. That's what Allah is reminding us what you're either bainer my word, the 10. And then Allah says Rama along with my word de there's also mercy a lot. There's not just love. Marriage is not just about love. It's about sacrifice. It's about commitment. It's about being merciful and tender and mercy and is primarily is to forgive the other. That's what Mercy is used for. What is mercy you
somebody does something wrong, you're merciful, you turn the other cheek, and this is the recipe for a successful marriage, my wife and Rama compassion that is love and also mercy that is forgiving, you want to do what is good and you overlook the negatives as much as possible, because you cannot have an ideal partner as we will come to inshallah, later on in this hood. But the point being that Allah is reminding us those feelings that exist, don't trivialize them, I put them there. They didn't just come out of nowhere. I created them and I bless your hearts to have them or else you would never have them. And Allah reminds us in the Quran, that of his miracles and signs of the
miracles of Allah subhanho wa Taala is that he has created as we said, spouses and then he says Lita school new la ha, this is another phrase that is for marriage in the Quran. We're going over some of the common Quranic phrases.
for marriage, and this is another phrase in the Quran. Lita school no la Ha. Now those who know Arabic they understand that generally speaking, the word ozcan is generally with ma descuento ma ha, right? And this is the common way that it is mentioned you live with. But in this verse Allah doesn't say you live with Allah says dusk uno, la Ha. And that changes the entire meaning he didn't need the school. To School la her means to be very simplistic, I have to jump over all of the eloquence of this phrase that I was using and just translated into English The meaning is, so that you will find peace within her. You will find Sakina by her side. And of course the wife will find
Sakina with her husband again every verse in the Quran is for both genders generally speaking. So when Allah says you will find Sakina what is Sakina comfort? What is Sakina solace what is Sakina on a difficult day we need that Sakina and this is if you look at the role model marriage in all of human history, and that is our Prophet Sal solo sallallahu wasallam and our mother Khadija This is what you find when something trouble the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam when it happened and jabril came in he was terrified. Where did our Profit System find Sakina? Oh, who thought it was still alive? And automaton who is the wife of a wolf it was still alive. That was the people who
raised the process as a child, he could have gone to them. No. Where did he find that? Sakina he went back to Khadija zanmi Looney deathy Rooney she was the one that calmed him down. Finally, that's where Lita schooner la have the Sakina is found in the good spouse in the righteous spouse and this is both ways again, when the wife is flustered Where will she find that Sakina she will find it in that loving and loyal husband. Also Allah subhana wa tada mentions and perhaps the most profound verse in the Quran in this regard, and each one of these verses is worthy of multiple topics. But perhaps one of the most profound verses in the Quran when it comes to describing the
marriage is sort of Bukhara when Allah azza wa jal says, Who Nelly boss Hola, como untimely boss, hula, hula, hula, your wives are like close unto you. And you owe husbands are like close unto them. Who Nellie Basu, la como de la sala. This is a very, very profound and deep verse that should give us pause. What is the law trying to say? Well, firstly, the most obvious one. And the famous scholar evangelina Tamati. He mentioned this over 1100 years ago, that Allah is gently describing the intimacy in a way that only Allah can describe. Because what happens in that beautiful act that each one literally becomes like a garment unto the other, but there is more than just the conjugal act
that Allah is mentioning here. What is the purpose of a garment? What is the purpose of a Libous? What does the boss do? First and foremost, that the boss protects that what you're shameful to show to other people, you protect your nakedness, you protect your hour. So to each spouse will protect the secrets of the other. each spouse is a barrier between her husband or his wife, and rest of society, every spouse will be a protector, my husband or my wife, their faults will remain within the marriage. I'm not gonna go back bite, I'm not gonna go embarrass, I'm not gonna go humiliate and ashamed. My own spouse. That's not what the Garmin does. The garment protects the hour. So the
household secrets remain household secrets. Now, obviously, in case of issues where there's mental or physical harm, that's another issue. But generally speaking, generally speaking, couples, they don't embarrass each other, they don't humiliate one another. They don't share the secrets of the other. That's not the purpose of the marriage. That's what the Garmin does, it protects your outer. Also, what else does the Garmin do? The garment protects you from the elements around you. When it's hot, you'll wear something when it's cold, you wear something else. When the warrior goes into battle, he wears something else when you're going hunting, you wear a camouflage right? So you make
the garment and it adapts to the society around you. So to each spouse will adapt to the changing circumstance, each spouse will try one's best to help the other spouse depending on what is going on. So when is hot, you wear light clothing, when it is cold, your heavy clothing your garment will reflect the needs that you have. So to the spouse will step in, and the spouse will change according to what is going on. He or she will change what needs to be done. What help needs to be given to the person that is one of the points of a garment. Also, another point of the garment is that without one's garment, you literally feel naked because you are you feel incomplete. So to the spouse
completes you, the spouse makes up and that's why enjoy
They will not be single people as our profit systems that had these authentic the one a selfish agenda, it adds up. There is nobody single agenda, because generally speaking, generally speaking, having a companion partner is the more default state of mankind. And when you have one, and if it's a righteous and good one Al Hamdulillah, life is good. And that's the whole point that Allah azza wa jal is saying, also, what is the purpose of a garment, it beautifies you, it completes you. So to your your spouse, beautifies you, your spouse completes your life, your spouse makes you feel better, like when you wear good clothing, and you come out, you feel better in yourself. So to be a
good husband, a good spouse cheers up your life makes your life better. And this is the reality that even if you're not religious, everybody knows that a happy wife has a happy life and a happy husband as a good household. This is the reality of our society that it is built upon. So in this beautiful metaphor, Allah subhana wa tada reminds us that we are like garments to one another. We're meant to protect. We're meant to beautify. We're meant to complete we're meant to adapt to the circumstance so that the person our spouse is not harmed by those around us, we will be together as a team to contextualize our surroundings. And this is all of the beauty of Allah zoa just creation of the
institution of marriage. Remember, Allah did not need to make us into two if he wanted, he could have made us one like the Amoeba and the one cell species they are one they reproduce asexually. If Allah had wanted to, he could have done that, but no one Mira Mati he woman a yachtie. He some of our scholars mentioned very beautiful point that Allah created them.
And even before introducing them to gender, Allah introduced add them to halwa. Allah created his wife from him. And then Allah said wahconah Adam was gone until was ojochal Jana Hawa was created before Jenna and our scholars comment on this and then Allah says you and Hawa go and live and eat engender our scholars comment. Even the blessings of Jenna would not have been complete for our father Adam had he not had our mother halwa even Jenna would be incomplete without the other partner. That is the default how Allah subhanho wa Taala created us so obviously my dear brothers and sisters, these are simply some of the many, many verses when it comes to the blessings of
marriage, the blessings of having a spouse, our Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said Hadith is in Sahih Muslim, this whole world is a temporary enjoyment is going to go it's not going to be permanent. No matter what you enjoy. It's temporary this whole dunya but in this dunya the best enjoyment or matar that you can have with you is a righteous spouse. This is a very deep Hadeeth what makes life the easiest and the best to live. Some people think it is money and how shallow they are. Others think it is in the sensual pleasures the pleasures of the stomach and what is below it and the pleasures of the sensual This is also very shallow. Our Profit System said if you truly want
to enjoy this world, a happy spouse, a righteous spouse, a companion by your side that is going to be your life partner. That is the best pleasure of this dunya and that is why Allah commands us in the Quran. We asked to our to Allah for a righteous spouse robina habla Ana min min what min as wodgina was a reality and an orator. It's a Quranic dua, we ask Allah to have good spouses we want the wife should be asking that their husbands be good and righteous and the husband should be asking, Oh Allah gives me a righteous wife. And also this is of the miracles that Allah mentions of zecharia will Aslan Allahu xojo. We made his wife a righteous lady, they say that she wasn't that
righteous, he may do I may do and then she became a righteous lady having a righteous spouse having a good husband or a good wife. This is the best blessing of this world. And that is why Allah says in the Quran, Allah Allah walborn una Zina tolyatti dunya that boon here means families you're not just children but any money and family are what make life beautiful, no doubt money also makes life beautiful. If you don't have it is difficult to live without but put together family and wealth. This is what makes life beautiful and easy to live and that is why we make dua to Allah subhana wa tada for Pure Reason and for beautiful and good and righteous spouses. My dear brothers and sisters
much can be said we will insha Allah to Allah continue this topic about the the the concept of husbands and wife but I just want to mention some points here very basic issues when it comes to the issue of marriage. Allah subhana wa tada mentions in the Quran, why should I build my roof and live with you?
spouses live with them. Our shadow means to live with, live with them with my roof, what does my roof mean? My roof means with the best manners according to the culture and the time of the people that you are living in, in Arabic means culture, and my roof, that which is noble in your culture, that which is good and accepted to be normative in your culture. And this is why we get to the very, very interesting point, some Muslims, they open up manuals of Islamic law of fear. And they try to find the rights of the husband and wife in the books of law. But the books of law are not meant to teach you etiquettes and norms. They're meant to give you the base guidelines, that's a different
topic altogether. It is a mistake to find the details of how to be a good husband, or the details of how to be a good wife in the books of Islamic law. Islamic law is the technical stuff about how is the nigga done? What is the minimum obligation of husband and wife? That's a law based issue. It's not a debased, it's not the base of Dharma and the mercy and the truth here. And this is why it is a mistake for even scholars sometimes, to quote books of law, when it comes to a good marriage law is not going to teach you my roof. My roof is something that you know from your own society and culture, you know, from you having lived in a place in time, what is the best way to treat my
husband? What is the best way to treat my spouse, and these things, they vary from culture to culture, they vary from time to place, and that's why the Quranic language is the best language. Why should ohana build my roof and treat them in the manner that is the best according to the times and the place that you live in. And never forget my dear brothers and sisters, that our Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam was the ultimate and the best role model in this regard. And he gave us that famous Hadith, the best amongst you, in your luck, or the best in your luck to your wives. He said this to the husbands, all the men were sitting there, the best amongst you are those who are
the best to your wives. And then he said, and I am the best to my wife. I'm the best to my wives. And this is something again, and I'm speaking primarily to the men here the sisters are listening. I know. But I want every one of us to think about this point. Dear men, dear husbands, we all know, it is easy to fool your friends, it is easy to fool your colleagues. It is easy to fool the people in the masjid for 10 minutes. When you walk in and out. We all know this. You cannot fool your spouse. This also applies to wives as well. your spouse's your wives know you better than anybody in this whole world. And that is why our Prophet sallallahu Sallam said, you want to see your ranking. You
want to see how righteous you are in the eyes of Allah? Look, does your spouse think you're righteous or not? What is the outcome or the verdict of a righteous spouse on his or her righteous spouse? We're not talking about unrighteous or somebody unjust, that we're talking about the righteous, The Good Wife or the good husband? Do they say to their good husband or wife? Oh, you're also good and Subhanallah our Prophet sallallahu Sallam was married to multiple women. All of them had nothing but utmost respect, and love and all. Most of us are married to one we cannot even get her love and admiration because we fall short of that, because we're not living up to that standard.
Can your wife testify to your Allah? Simple? I'm not asking you to answer me answer in your own head, answer in your own head. It is very easy to fool the people of the masjid. Once you go back home and you lock the door and nobody sees you other than Allah subhana wa Tada. Your wife knows your real luck. Can she testify? Oh no. He is a God fearing man. He is a man who is upright who is just who speaks the truth who does not lie. He is a man who fears Allah subhana wa Tada. Can your wife say this? If she can handle the law? This What are prophets of the law I sent him is saying and if she cannot, well then our Profit System said this that the best amongst you are those who are the
best to their families and this goes to the sisters as well. That again sisters is easy. You can decorate yourself falsely in front of other sisters you can have the illusion that you're righteous and pious. Does your husband know this from you? Does your husband can you testify? Yes, she is a lady who prays on time she is a lady that doesn't back by does not do Heba and Amina. This is the point that our Prophet sallallahu wasallam is reminding And one final point for the first husband I know. Time is short. And I know this is a very deep topic, but it needs to be said even though it is taboo. And it is something that is generally not mentioned. And I am hesitant to bring it up but it
must be done because well like our religion dictates this and that is the issue of marital violence. That is the issue of domestic abuse, both physical and emotional. Unfortunately, this is a taboo topic that is not discussed in the pulpit and from the members but it needs to be discussed. My dear brothers and sisters. Our religion is really
Have mercy and compassion. And in the final hutzpah that our Profit System ever gave in front of 100,000 people in the hedge, there were five paragraphs only. An entire paragraph was dedicated to the rights of the wife's an entire paragraph in a society that took domestic abuse for granted. That considered the norm that men would beat on their wives and be nasty and mean to their wives. This was the norm, it was not even considered a crime in the hood, but to adapt our Profit System addressed the men and he said, Oh, men, fear a law with regards to your wives, Allah will ask you about your treatment to your wives, Allah will ask you, you might get away in this dunya you might
get away in this world, but in the middle, you will stand in front of Allah. And Allah will ask you about what you have done. Why would he say this? Because in the end of the day, what will prevent most and for all of us if we have it is God consciousness, that's going to be the biggest barrier. Realize My dear brothers and sisters, especially my dear brothers, and it must be said, sometimes the abuse is the other way, and we should not trivialize it has happened, it has come to me as well that the husband is the one being abused, and he is worried if he does anything even in self defense, you'll go to jail and he comes to me and what I said what can I do? So it is a two way
street To be fair, but also let's be fair, which gender is guilty more of the abuse we all know it is the men that's generally the case even though it is a two way street, but most of the time, because of circumstances, society and whatnot. It is men who are more guilty of physical and mental abuse. realize we learned this from the Sierra isn't the authentic hadith. Our Prophet system stood up and gave a hold of us and he said, Oh husbands, it is not allowed for you to discipline your wives. So the shediac came down and the commandments spread in the city. No man should physically disciplined his wife. After a few days, some of the Sahaba complained they said Yasuda law since you
said that such and such has happened and our wives are doing this and that and what do we do now? You said no, what do we do? So the Hadith says for raha Salah whom you can say he grudgingly conceded like okay, if that's the case, then go ahead and discipline them. He he wasn't happy, but he let it happen. Had he says the next morning, more than 50 ladies, this is authentic. I did read the zero. More than 50 ladies gathered outside the house of the prophets of the lowers and complaining that their husbands had beat them up complaining that their husbands had abused them one night and they stand in front of the house of the profitsystem. What did he do? Did he say Be
patient ladies? Don't worry has that right? What did he do? He called all of the men of the city he sent a crier out calm. Everybody come the men students start in the masjid. He came on the member and he said last night or this morning. 50 ladies complained to me about their husbands while law he those men, they are not the best of your men. They are not the best of your men, old men who want to justify your attitudes by misquoting a verse or misquoting a hadith. Why don't you call this hadith when the Prophet sallallahu Sallam said these are not the best of your men? Oh men who want to abuse the Shetty are in trying to justify abuse to your wife because this is an abuse of their God. Why
don't you call our mother our Isha in the Hadith in Sahih Bukhari when she said, Well law he the profitsystem never once raised his hand neither to a lady nor to a child nor to a servant. Why don't you quote that Hadith that never once in his life? Did he disciplined his his women and he was married to more than one woman. The real Sunnah is to follow the Prophet Sall Allahu Allah, he was seldom and yes, sometimes back and forth happens. And sometimes you have to say something here and there. But there is no reason no need to raise your hand or to emotionally or physically discipline, try other tactics. My dear brothers and sisters, try reconciliation, try other things. But there is
no justification and there is no reason and this is not the metal roof that Allah tells us to live upon. Treat your women kindly and nicely and women as well treat your husbands nicely. And this is what Allah azza wa jal has commanded us to do. May Allah bless me and you within through the Quran, and may He make us of those who is verses they understand and apply his head out and how long throughout our lifespan. I asked a lot forgiveness, you as well ask for his love for the Rahman
Alhamdulillah Hilda hadn't had a summit a lady limited what am EULA what am eco loco one I had one final point before we conclude, dear husbands and wives, dear husbands and wives. Understand that your household and the ambience that you create in your household will be one of the main and most important factors in preserving Islam and your children. If your household is a household of chaos, if your household is a household of ours
If your household is an evil household, then unfortunately, all too often your children will associate that with our religion because that is what they see of our religion. But if your household is a household of mercy, of compassion, of love of Islam of the Quran of the Sunnah, then they will see the lived reality of Islam, and they will see how beautiful this faith is. How many times have I met young men and women and they look at the failed marriages of their parents. And they say that's because of our culture or to be let us because of our religion, they read in the failure of their parents, I will do built into the religion of course, that is their mistake. It's
wrong. But why would you give more ammunition in the land that we're living in parents, you embody Islam? Number one in your children's eyes? Isn't that a reality? If you're gonna fail to live up to Islam, if you cannot act like a good father or a good mother if you cannot demonstrate what it means to be a husband upon the Quran and Sunnah and a wife upon the Quran and Sunnah, then do you blame your children for not seeing Islam anywhere else? Please husbands and wives, mothers and fathers for the sake of your own progeny for the sake of your own children, correct your act. start acting compassionately, be merciful. Make your households a households of love, a households of mercy,
households of compassion, not a household of evil and hatred. Do this for the sake of Allah for the sake of your deen and dunya. And most importantly, for the emaan of your own children. May Allah protect us and our children after us Aloma in the dying for a mineral Allahumma La
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