Channel: Yaser Birjas
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They live in Islam in many, many ways. We mentioned some of them, they live it all together, they change the default religion, probably, but many of them, they just kind of like they don't want to associate themselves with faith and with religion. In addition to that, doing counseling on many, many, many different occasions for many, many people with brothers and sisters, for young men and women today, specifically, they're having a hard time maintaining a healthy relationship.
It just hard time for them just to continue in a relationship, that they would want life to flourish for the future. So they're always come to somewhere where they think it's a dead end. And that's why we have the rate of divorce is very high. I was thinking about it looking into it's Apollo, what could be the problem? What is the common thing, that when children when our youth, they come to their parents or their parents, they talk to them, they have a hard time communicating and connecting with them? And what happens between a husband and wife when they try their best to manage this relationship? They still cannot connect with each other very well. What is that? What's the
problem here? I looked into that and found that there was a very common word and statement happens and being actually pronounced. And all these studies have done with young men and women. And with also with the youth. The word is they keep saying he or she, they don't listen to me.
Like whatever I say, they don't listen to Why aren't you listening to me?
And when we talk to each other, when we start talking, they say, do you hear yourself? Can you even hear yourself?
So this whole concept of listening to me, you're not listening to me, even though you've been talking for hours and hours and hours. It's strange. It's weird. I mean, if I'm talking to you, and I'm engaging in a conversation with you, and I'm also right now giving you the chance to talk to me, how come you accuse me of not been, you know, not listening to you. That's when we come to the point we mentioned last time that it's all about connectivity, it's all about connection. And that's where the word that the art of listening comes in, in this whole bunch out loud that I'm gonna tackle this issue. How can I establish this connection between me and my child? between me and my spouse? How
can I establish that connection? So that at least when we talk, we listen to what they're saying? And we hear and we understand one of the top few minutes and charlottenborg on this matter which is a subject of the art of listening to one another. The first thing we need to understand when it comes to the subject of listening, it's even not just a matter of art, it's an even religious command dojima Allah subhanho wa Taala orders us in the Quran. As part of understanding the Quran is to do what to listen to it. Instead of the law of Allah subhana wa Taala says Allah Coronavirus temuera who answer to that have gone on was recited to you if you hear the Koran what Allah Hunter
is saying, first Tammy reuleaux, the word Steena. First of all, which means to listen to the answer to and the word and salt as basically to pay attention.
When am I looking to see the difference between st Emma and in salt is demand and the insight so is demand it has an LFC in at the beginning of that word. And any Arabic word that begins with LFC into it means to solicit something to request something. And here we have summer, which means hearing. So estimate means soliciting that hearing. So Allah subhanho wa Taala has ordered us to whenever you hear the Quran, that meaning you basically you solicit that attention, and that listening. And there's another word called sama and the Arabic language, and sama is what you hear in the background. But you're not really paying attention to it just like when you walk in the mall? Or do
you really walk in a shopping center from any place and there's a music in the background, you're minding your own business, you don't even pay attention to what is being played there up there. That is called Samar. And you don't really pay attention to the role to the worst whatever's going on there. You don't even pay attention to that at all. But its demand is different. Its demands when you hear something interesting and you pay attention to it and you put all your energy there to listen to that. A lot of what happens between parents and their children is some
of the hat what happens between husband and wife is just
like when they talk to you. You're only listening to it as a background music.
Nothing to pay attention to nothing to benefit from, or nothing even to analyze so panela even a sort of law his Salalah Sally who was so eager, he was so eager to learn the Quran. So when you breathe, recite the Quran to the Prophet sallallahu wasallam and masala his son would be reciting with him. He wouldn't wait until jabril finishes that Allah subhanho wa Taala center rasulillah his syllabus and the instruction to wait.
Like don't talk don't repeat while jubileus tourists are in
LA to Henrik be here at Santa Clarita jollibee in Allina gem mahalo
Ana VEDA Khurana Fatima Khurana. Allah Subhana stacker the Prophet sallallahu Sallam don't move your tongue with it quickly. Don't rush by moving your tongue Wait, wait for a Corona photographer. And then when it's complete, then you follow their citation. And then Allah promised him that he will collect it in his heart and make it easy for him to memorize. So Rasulullah Hassan was rushing to learn what is beneficial, which is the Quran, and Allah told him just wait, let you be finished first. And then it will decide after that. So hon Allah A lot of us in our life, when we talk to people, it's only seminar. Why is that because we're not paying attention to what they're saying. We
only preparing ourselves defense, you know, our response to it. Like I want to give instructions, and SubhanAllah. The reason why I chose this topic because I was working on a workshop that will be presenting a show later in March with the Laszlo gel for imaams, public speakers, leaders, youth leaders, those who would like to learn the art of public speaking. And as I was preparing for this panel, I just came to my mind like Laila. Hey, Lola, there are so many workshops, are there so many workshops, so many books out there on the subject of public speaking? They train people how to stand, how to use hand gestures, how to talk, what can What do you use, what topics to choose all
these things, but haven't seen as many haven't seen as many workshops on the art of listening.
Because part of you being a leader, and part of being you know, the the person in the household who leads the family, the father or the mother in this case, part of it is that you need to learn need to be a leader. And you need to know how to communicate with your children. Just because you're older than them does not necessarily mean you have everything and you know everything. You never know what that wisdom is going to come from. So the beginning to talk to your children to talk to your spouse starts with listening to them first. The art of listening is very crucial. And it's very, very, very important. You see, even also the law his civil law selling he mastered this skill
in his in his field of Dharma Salawat the law was ceremony and even his private life in his household Salalah Hollywood center. So when it comes to the Dharma in Mecca, when I came to the Prophet sallallahu robbia basically he went to negotiate with Rasulullah sallallahu Sallam what the people of Mecca sentiment. So listen, I mean, Muhammad has been preaching this and McCann is causing so much trouble for us and a lot of distraction and people leaving and the confusion and this and that, who amongst you is willing to go and negotiate with him.
So they gave him option. So listen, tell him does he need one it will make him the richest person in our community will collect the money enough for him to be the richest person. He needs to get married. We'll give him the best of what we have in the community. He needs this he needs so basically like offering him so many things.
So he went to Rasul Allah Salah Samson, Mohammed listen you for your community is complaining your people your elders are complaining about your Tao your message and specific cause and division, confusion and so on. So he spoke to the Prophet sallallahu Sallam in an offensive wave in like his bargaining with the Prophet SOS, about something such as the deen of Allah azza wa jal, you could easily interrupt this man says I'm not interested easily you can interrupt this man. But there's a sort of lions the Lhasa mode is Hickman wisdom was just listening and kept listening to the man until he was finished. When the man even himself finished speaking, that's when the Prophet
sallallahu Sallam told them color authority.
Have you done it?
And the man said, Yes, I'm done.
How about you listen to me right now, for asthma. Fair enough. And the professor decided I'm sort of poor. And obviously the man he just leaned back when it's a listening that sort of citation of the Quran. And he was mesmerized by that.
But here's the con, the point from that statement, when he was speaking, the prophet SAW, Selim knew that it was completely nonsense, but he still was listening to it.
Many parents do listen to their children and their children's are speaking nonsense to them to the parent standard, that's nonsense, right? That just whining, that just is that was that. So therefore, we easily interrupt to give instruction immediately.
And that's when we lose a connection with our children. husband, wife will be talking to each other. And because of this, it doesn't make any sense to me is not appealing to me. I don't care. I don't like that stuff. And so we we willing to interrupt immediately, we don't pay attention to the ends panel. And here's a sort of law is the law says listening to her ob
outwell robbia robia. And he's speaking, complete nonsense. And instead, listen to the end. And when you finish it on top of the ability, are you done? He goes, I'm done. And when the prophet SAW some told him now, would you mind listening to me, the man was compelled to listen why it was fair enough.
And that is the point over here. If you listen to your child and allow them to speak, and once they're done, you will learn
No. Are you done? Because yes, I'm done said no. Can you listen to me? We speak to your spouse, and you let them talk. Let them talk, let them talk. And when they're done, you will say, Are you done? Can I just not talk? And if it does interrupt you still, you can still talk. You can see because you already actually given their protein. But the point is, they're sort of La hustlers. I'm in the fields of Dawa, he did that. He was listening didn't matter. It was right or wrong, what this what the people are speaking and saying, but he was still listening to them. sallallahu alayhi wasallam.
In his house, I Chateau de la Atlanta, or LA, or de la Nevada. She said, Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam. One day she brought the prophets as a story. The story of Amazon and Amazon. It's a fall closer in the Arab tradition, in which a man interacts with 10 women, they're gathered together. And each woman was describing her husband. So I showed you a lot around her. She was telling the story to the Prophet sallallahu wasallam. Perhaps the prophet SAW some he heard that story, maybe generation before I showed the law, even born,
but she was still not in the store and he was listening to it. And he was listening to it. And for those who don't the story just basically 10 women describing their husbands want to share his bad ones. She said he is violent otherwise it is very nice as each one is given basically different categories of relations, panel law, and the professor's emotions, all of that and the ends. She talked about Amazon and Amazon. How can I was that I was to his wife, how nice was there eventually, when she finished narrating the entire story to the Prophet sallallahu sallam, the Messenger of Allah Salah Sam gave her positive feedback, which means he was listening.
He said, and I will be like Amazon, I will be to you like a bizarre was to Amazon. He chose the best of the 10. He was paying attention to Gemma he was listening to and it says I will be to you like I was I was.
Somehow even in the household, the prophet Salah Salem was listening. And even if it wasn't something of his interest.
I mean, why would I have one on here about all the stuff? Besides husband, they know that if the wife start talking about someone else's husband, they get defensive.
Like what me I'm not a good husband to
like what's wrong with me, then they feel offended immediately. And if she's talking about her friend or her cousin or her sister that she's this, she's that and it just like, they start becoming very defensive. And here's Rasulullah sallallahu sallam, he wasn't defensive. He wasn't saying you know what? So what do you think I'm not I'm better than me. He didn't say that. He says I will be to you like I was I was Muslim, which means the best of all, what you mentioned to me, giving positive feedback to Karla. Now that is called until emotional intelligence, understanding and responding to that which is the best shallow terracotta. Now Allah and Allah for him, Allah understood the meaning
of the art of listening, they understood that and how powerful that is. So we have a lot of statement on that subject, and has to live in La da da, da, da, da, da da. He instructed he says, Carla, either jealous that you have for answered loan worried or jealous dilemma for so long, that if you sit down with the ignorant, just listen to them.
And if you if you sit down with the scholars listen to them as well. Like, well, I mean, I understand I will listen to the AMA, because it's worth listening to them. Right? Why would I need to listen to the ignorant. He goes color. Fair enough. He insulted Callahan zerah Wilhelm, because listening to the ignorant makes you more patient.
Like you appreciate the nirma of having knowledge. And you will just like listen to them, and just how it makes you appreciate what you have, and teach you to be patient with them. So if you have your little kids and children and you don't know what they're talking about, still show patients, show him and mercy to them and listen to them, let them speak. And also listen to them. Pamela would validate what the concern that they have. And that's the meaning of it, that you validate. You don't necessarily agree with them. But you validate the emotions that they bring to you with the kind of statement and stories and problems that they're sharing with you in that moment. And he said well
enough in salty cola and listening to the aroma, zero
that increases your knowledge. So both ways, you are benefiting from it. Listening to the ignorant listen to someone that just because you don't even doesn't make any sense to you will increase your level of patience and you need that. What better than having patience as a man as the best quality when it comes to interpersonal relationship? You need that that is the most important things upon Allah.
Allah and the Messenger of Allah sallallahu Sallam said to him Paloma Odia hatanaka and Allah azza wa jal, a suburb that no one has ever been given our pa which was a gift that Allah Subhana bestowed upon somebody more than or better than patience. Because if you have it, you will have to have
everything you'd be patient against everything that is negative and patient you know towards evidence positive and that's what's power we need to survive. You always patient. Another statement in another statement actually hustle bustle Rahim Allah Allah Allah call
ya una de la jolla Salama for Khun Allah and Tesla across America, Allah and Taku
that my dear son, if you're going to listen, if you're going to sit down with dilemma with the knowledgeable people, make sure to pay attention to listening more than saying, like sit down with Darla to listen, not to talk. You know, I go to many different places Gemma, given a lot of talks, a lot of buzz, a lot of lectures, a lot of Carla Carter's here and there. And you will always see some people whenever you talk, whenever you thought the speaker is speaking, someone is already preparing their answer. Or not just that Someone in the crowd always give that feedback, the instant feedback like you know, sounding board and echoing what you're saying, as if they're saying, Yeah, I know
what you're talking about, and are all mad at them. That's not the other one, the etiquette. Instead, you need to pay attention to listen, listen to everything, even if it was as if you're listening it for the first time in your life. If you heard it 10 times before. Still, when you hear it again, you need to pay attention as if it's been said to you for the first time, the new new life.
So what are the etiquettes of listening basically some of the manners of listening, calm and on top below
that whenever you hear something or someone to speak into, you turn around, you know, face them directly. And that's what the professor Sam used to do.
Rasulullah hasta la Salaam, Canada Allahu Akbar Allah alayhi wa jal, if someone asked the professor some a question, he will turn around solar cell and or entire body to face that direction. Which means it also requires eye contact when you talk to them. So the prophet SAW said was given them His entirety, sort of what allows Ramallah to listen to what they're saying, given that attention, full attention. And, of course, when the Prophet xlsm was listening, he was also kind of like, you know, paying attention to them, even if it was for later time. Like the man who said, while the problem was speaking, and he just got interrupted, and it goes Casasola matassa.
Like, where is the day of judgment gonna be established? Like, with everything the professor was talking about? He had no interest in that, except one thing. What is it gonna come? Like, what's the end of it? Basically, you know, some people are so impatient to panela to that level, that he will just want to know, what's the end of it, tell me I need to know when I'm gonna die basically. So the Prophet salla salam, he kind of like this. He kind of paused and then continued speaking. So some Sahaba they said, he didn't hear him. And others say he did. But he heard what he didn't like what he heard, like the question is irrelevant. So that's why I didn't pay attention. But somehow, later
on, when the professors and finished given his point, then he turned to that direction he goes, he goes in a silo? And if an answer, what is the one who was asking about a song, called an aerosol, he said, That's me. The professor said to him, and he is now directing him to that which is beneficial. So basically, the prophet is telling us and telling him that he didn't forget about him. He heard him. But in that moment in time, this is more important. I'll keep you you know, after I'm done, and then he went back again, and he said, Carla, Matera, what did you prepare for it? It doesn't matter when it's gonna establish that's irrelevant to you. what's relevant to you is to know what did you
prepare for that day? So when you listen, you listen to many things. But then when you give feedback, you give people what they need, not necessarily what they want.
That's exactly the art of listening and giving the right answer.
What's the point of the professor Sam said Sir, arguing with the man Why do you need to know about the little as the and what's beneficial that he didn't say that stuff sola sola? So when you answer you need to also be intelligent the way that you respond to children, your spouse, maybe you don't like the question altogether. You don't like the argument altogether, but you still going to need to respond. Just like the Prophet Solomon did with this man. He didn't like the question. It's completely unnecessary. It's completely irrelevant. But he still answered the man and he gave him what he needed to hear, not what he wanted to hear. He said now the other tailor like what did you
prepare for them for that day, and that is the most important thing a person should should worry about.
And also when it comes to, you know, the art of listening, part of it is that when you when people talk to you, and we listen, you don't put you don't distract yourself with anything. today. This is the age for the big four distraction. We live in the age of distractions.
Known as the cell phone,
when someone talks to us, and you start losing interest, you start battling you know if you should reach out to your phone to go and do something else.
If the hope is there and the man was speaking, you find a lot of people specifically in the back rooms in Holland, the phones and they're just browsing their the their social media feed and distracting themselves until that hotbar is over.
And that is wrong. So when someone talks to specifically your child, or your spouse, and they come to you to talk to you, because this is a valuable time for them, and you do supposedly, you shouldn't be distracting herself. And that's the meaning of the word insult for semi auto answer to I was mentioned the Quran about listening to the Quran. Because as demand requires you to pay attention to heed and learn. And in thought, it means that you just listen with your entire body. That means you don't distract yourself at all.
So if someone speaks to you, the art to connect with them is basically in not distracting yourself with anything and listening to what they're saying. So you can benefit from it. You benefit in two ways. It was beneficial. You give them an answer that is beneficial to you and to them in shallow water cotana. And if it wasn't beneficial, because they don't have no clue what they're talking about. You're benefiting by becoming more patient and increase your reservoir of patients. May Allah Subhana makers among those who listen to the spiritual form and follow the list of adorable alameen aku Kalia That was tough Rolando de Mottola come
Alhamdulillah horrible al amin sallallahu wasallam Baraka Nabina Muhammad, wa ala alihi wa sahbihi wa seldom at the Sleeman kathira mabank. By the LA Majid brothers and sisters, in one of the etiquettes the prophets of Allah Allah mentioned in the course of having a conversation with anybody. He said salaatu wa Salaam Allah Ana's a movie infura, bottle gin, lemon takamura our economy, he said, Salalah Salaam, I guarantee a house in Elgin, I guarantee a house in agenda and another generation, the center of agenda for the person who leaves argumentation, even if he or she was right. Even if you're right, don't argue, let alone You're wrong.
If you are right, don't argue because when you argue the benefit is gone. No one is really listening right now. Because everybody's fighting for superiority
that happens between your child that you and your spouse, between people around you and whoever that is. So it's not about arguing. And once again, we keep reminding ourselves for that would come to dealing with the people and discussing with them and listening to them. It's not about winning battles with them. It's about winning hearts. And that's all what the prophet xlsm did in his life in debt. And his dad was that about the law of ceremonies speaks to people he doesn't care about, but being offended or not, he was caring about winning their hearts, because that's what matters the most, when their hearts are guided Subhanallah That's it, their path will be righteous, their ways
will be good, and who benefits from that all of us, everybody, because once Palawan someone is guided, they become guided and then then that guidance goes all over around beneficial to the people who are close to them, to those who are away from them and even Cipolla to the environment, even to the environment, they will know and they will feel a loss of Hannah Montana, whatever that they do. So that is very crucial. Very important for us. Make sure that when you talk to children when you talk to your spouse when you listen to them, just listen to them in a way that is really beneficial. Make sure that when they talk to you now it doesn't matter if this topic or this subject or this
question is relevant or not relevant to you make sure that you listen to validate and give them an answer that is beneficial and shallow the water cotana a lot of melanoma and Phantom one fan of Mr. alum Tina in the control element Hakeem along the unfortunate Aqua was a key anti-romantic until you home Oh la la la la la la la Mercado de Luna Nabi Yes, yeah, you alladhina amanu sallu alayhi wa sallam, Taslima Allahumma salli wa sallim wa barik ala nabina Muhammad wa ala alihi wa sahbihi Jemaine word aloha Mahalo for watching. I'll be back in la Mora was Nana Valley when sir Sahaba Jasmine woman who bsla oma Dean, welcome, Salam