Channel: Yaser Birjas
When it comes to another issue husband wife would have is
a very common thing that husbands they complain about women answering back.
Many of us says something. She's never quiet. Yeah. Every time I asked her to be quiet, she answers back. And I just tried to stay quiet myself and withdraw. She keeps chasing me. And she wants to make me hear the thing that I don't want to hear all that stuff and so on. keep raising their voices, right. Ladies, the husband eco complain about the
gentlemen, don't you see that at home? Absolutely. Is that something common that probably had to deal with? Oh, yeah, of course. It's absolutely, absolutely. One of these occasions I shall not be allowed to Lana. She was with Rasulullah sallallahu Sallam and their house and Rasulullah sallallahu ala see that they had some heated discussion that Ayesha rhodiola she wasn't happy. She wasn't excited about it. So she was raising her voice. She was raising her voice that her voice could be heard in the masjid. You know, the house of Rasulullah was right attached to them as in you could just like this corner, and that window was a window over look into the message that was the house of
rasulillah where I used to live. And they had a door from here, though from the other side as well. So when I was arguing with Rasulullah sallallahu sallam, their voice could be heard in the masjid. Her father was deeply hurt that he came running into the house of I shall be allowed Ilana. The moment she saw her father coming in, she started hiding behind her husband.
I she was fighting with him just seconds ago. And now she's highly seeking protection with him with as little as little as Elena and even as little law was holding over close to take away from her. He goes It's okay. It's okay.
I'll handle this. And an albatross as it was chasing his daughter says, Yeah, I do what an FCA you such an enemy against raising your voice against a civilized felon, like any other father getting upset when he sees that he supports his in law, his father, his son in law, in this case, and his best friend, but actually she kept hiding behind her husband, please, please in order from him. Finally, the civil law convinced the workers to do to cool down or just Okay, we'll take care of them. How long would it go? Then when the workers to the left actually she said rasulillah turn to her. And now he tries to win her heart and her satisfaction. So you see, I supported you I helped
you get through that.
Which means Look, I was there for you, you know that I can do this for you. And he kept he kept trying and trying until he starts smiling and laughing and they both are giggling and laughing. That even they could be huge in the masjid. overkill. So this now this time came back again into the house of Isaiah. And he said, What's going on over him? Basically the way you guys put me into your world, I want to be part of your peace. Which means done what's going on what the situation is? You see? It happens. And I want you to think when I was talking to Rolando sotto la was taking that defensive position, and she's raising her voice. It happens sometimes, yeah, the woman she wants to
talk. And she wants to be vocal as a man doesn't mean that you know, this means disrespect. But it's just it's the way Shay Express expresses her her frustration sometimes. And because she trusted that your hair man. And you are going to handle this. You're tough guy, you can handle that. So please, let me just vent, let it come out. And that's what I'm trying to answer the load records trying to win her heart again. And I was when I read the Hadith, I would think how long did it take Rasulullah sallallahu Sallam to convince Asher from being very upset to start laughing again. Can you imagine that? She's very upset and grumpy. And he tells her Yeah, I help you against your dad. She'll just
go No. Oh, yeah, I should come on. And slowly and gradually she starts smiling and laughing and giggling, amazing and beautiful, beautiful interaction between a husband and wife. That's one example. Another example, one time, which also interconnects with another quality old problem between the husband and wife, high demands and high maintenance. When it comes to the ladies and women, they always want to improve something in their life. And even sometimes it costs money, right? Like a vacation, you know, new address, upgrade in the in the kitchen, something in the house, whatever they want to do, might they might do that. So it takes it takes an effort and the
man needs to be sometimes convinced that's legit to spend that much money in there. So the wives of Rasulullah sallallahu wasallam. Were surrounding him because they heard that our money just came from Alba here on the east coast of the Arabian Peninsula. A lot of money came from there. And now that means there are a lot of treasures the Prophet is gonna start distributing this in the community. And then you that also the lions
la sala. He always keeps for himself and his family, the minimum. He doesn't want to give too much, because he believes this is not his money. So a lot It was his wives they knew they heard about that. And they knew if you don't go fast, if they don't act fast, it's gonna go away before the sun goes down. So they went to Rasulullah sallallahu sallam, they surrounded him. And they kept asking the artist Allah, we need some more, we need some more, we need some more jasola we need this. We need that and he keeps on it's not my money. I can't give you any more. I only give it to you. Now your portion, and they keep demanding more demand is more that even over crust on Homer. They
actually they went in they're going after their daughters.
Albuquerque went after Ayesha and Omar one after hafsa says Don't do that to restaurants on another occasion was only Omar, Omar Abdullah, he heard the voices of the wives of Rasul Allah getting through life. So he just thought permission, ask permission to come in. When the woman heard Oman, asking permission, they all covered up and remained quiet. He got in there. And he looked at it, they all they all are covered up and they all quiet around Rasulullah, who looked kind of very distressed from the situation. So he looked at him, he goes, Yeah, I do want to come look at you such an enemies against your own self. You're doing this to Rasulullah sallallahu wasallam. And when
I come in, you become you become so quiet, so that she answers back, again, answering back. They didn't stop when kept quiet. She said because Rasulullah sallallahu sallam, he is very he is very gentle, wonderful. You're very rude.
You're tough and rude. He says, that's why we will be required. And so holla again, the issue of high maintenance, they require the demand, they're going to always require and demand because they always need improvement. That doesn't mean that they're very into the dounia. It's not like how was used with them that guilt trip on them. So stuck for law, think of agenda, you know, better we'll have ascetic life. Let's have it simple and Sharla. It's good, it's good to do that. But if Allah has given you What do you can put them in a better level of shallow data, why not? They demand that they ask for it, if you can afford that. It's okay. Allah subhanho wa Taala says, what really matter
because I had asked for the name Allah bless, you would speak about that little Come on, you know, the show on you. So Rasulullah sallallahu sallam, he had these issues.
So again, the words Rasulullah, sallAllahu, wasallam, like any other wives, they would require some improvement in the house all the time. So for men should take it basically easy on them. But on the other hand, women, they need to understand that not all your demand can be accepted or can be fulfilled. Like also the law is solid and Rasulullah said no. That doesn't mean the husband has to say yes, every time you say I want this, or I want to do that. It doesn't have to be accepted. You would like for example, to explore something new in life the husband is not comfortable with. If he says No, that doesn't mean it's the end of the world. You don't break your marriage because your
husband doesn't want you to work for example, you don't break your marriage because something in the line and your personal schedule is gonna change because he had a different perspective on this. Here's Rasulullah sallallahu sallam, and he kept saying no, no, until the last panel was the Allah Allah as the agenda answered on his behalf, given the women the option that this is his lifestyle. If you want to stay with him, you're more than welcome. If you want the only material good now as soon as Ramadan, we want this life. He'll give it to you, but you're going to be outside is his marriage visa. This is gonna take you out you can divorce you, it will give you whatever you want,
and live your life. They all chose Of course to be with Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam next
are they allowed? Are they allowed to complain? Let's say keep aching and feeling the pain and headaches and so on. It's very common. I hear that a lot from husband and wife even though something considered trivial at some point Johnny when a woman keeps complaining Oh, I got a headache. Oh my God my back or my legs and so on the husband at the beginning he is oh dear honey, blah blah blah and then after a few weeks, a few months a few years and marriage says come on Ergo again. Aren't you gonna stop that? Okay, here are the get that this medication that medication so if they stop react to the pains of one another. And when men they made the choice to be tough, so even if they're
aching, or they have some pain, they keep all they get by when they when they fall sick. Men they act like babies. That's what women complain. They start demanding. Where's my soup, stay here next to me. Don't leave me alone. All that stuff and they want to be pampered so much Subhanallah even Rasul Allah has sort of less than he had that in his life. In regards to his train of thought to live a ceremony, he desired to be closest to his beloved eyeshadow, the lava in the last few days of his life. He was aching so much
So every time he just, he wants to be now moving on to the next next house, he would say, What am I going to be next tomorrow? What is it going to be tomorrow? Where is it gonna be tomorrow? So the people there otherwise they understood that he's waiting for the device is getting tired of this rotation. He wants to stay in one place. So they all agree the other sort of law that's okay we let's keep you in the house of I shall stay in the house of Russia and we'll come to visit you. He was very appreciative to that gesture from them. But on the other one, he didn't demand that but he was just kind of saying what am I going to be tomorrow or was it going to be tomorrow or next? So
finally they understood the point and they said yeah, so let's okay we come and visit you shall assist in the house surprise for the law. So it's alright to complain if you're if you're sick or ailing. Even on hon. Hi Rahim. Allah, Allah Allah, He says Joseph sheki, the permissibility of complaining about pain. And he brought this hadith I shall not be allowed. Rhonda, she had a headache. One day she just had headache. So when the Prophet came in the moment a woman sees her husband, who is here to hurt. He is the carrier of all her wounds and her pains. He is the one with whom and through him, she events, all her frustration. So the moment she saw this little law, she
said, Oh, my head, oh my god, my head is killing. Basically what I saw was the cloud.
The Prophet sallallahu sallam. Yeah, he's always gentle and nice, but sometimes like any other man, he gets frustrated with this taken too much. So he told he says, Well, animada You know what? It's my head that his parents can just hear him. And then he told her, what's the problem? What Why don't you think just if you die, he said he told her. If you die, I would wash you and shroud you and pray janazah for you and ask forgiveness for you.
What would be the response of a woman for a response of like this from her husband? Ladies, what would you say if a man tells you it's okay if you die? I'll watch you Charlotte's route you make sure to be taken care of inshallah. What would you respond to him?
I she was kind of Oh my god, what is it is full response. God was to Colonia which we just oh my god, look at this says you really look you want me to die. I knew it. Because when I die, I'm sure that when you bury me that same night, you're gonna be
you're gonna be sleeping with otherwise, I know that. Which means you're not gonna mourn my death anyway. Of course, that's not true because the professor loved it so much. But sometimes the husband and wife they might have these heated arguments, or heated discussions, take it easy. If your husband respond like this, it doesn't mean he hates you. It just like he's responded to this frustration in a in a way that he thought he's also venting like you do. So you need to sometimes carry the pain and the burden of one another a little bit. So we can balance out a shallow dialogue. Next.
pranks and practical jokes. Is it permissible?
permissible. Is it okay for a woman to make a practical joke on her husband? But as long as it's hot, of course, and I don't call him says By the way, I'm running away with this guy.
No, that's very dangerous. Something Helen like the heck what happened in the house of Rasulullah sallallahu Sallam? I shouldn't be alone, huh? unsolder they were with him in the house of Russia. As I said I shall was not a good cook. So there was in the age of the mother of I should not even her grandmother's. So when they bought the food in front of them. I said she's she started eating rasulillah started eating soda was not eating.
And so that was from the camp of Ayesha. So she was basically I she was leading her in that camp. So actually looks at her she goes voluntary eating.
Now Ayesha, and she was perhaps you would say she was a teenager that doesn't maybe 1615 1617 years old. She's basically very
opinionated, and she's a very strong personality. She says also that why aren't you eating? So that she says I don't like it?
Imagine you tell a woman in her face. I don't like your food.
Whoa, just like a major sin. So actually, she tells us about our loyal at acqualina Lola.
You eat otherwise I'm going to smear your face with this. So of course you guys know you don't do I she grabs them. And she goes after sodashi wipe surface with them.
Rasulullah in between in the middle. What do you think you would do is not going to come say hola Western food La La La quwata illa Allah. He didn't say that. So la sala. He just took the moment. And he just lived that moment. So when Sal de looked at the Prophet, she was kind of like stunned by that behavior. He she looks at Rasulullah and also la he just says to her, which means payback.
So she grabbed some and she went up thrashing. she smelled her face with a tooth. And Sorolla was laughing and they're all laughing at it.
So when she does something funny, it's alright to laugh.
Ladies, your husband if they if they do something funny, or maybe they pretend to be funny, please
show them respect. That was really funny and just laugh. All right?
They want to just to act funny. Sometimes you give them the chance to like like, the same thing. Guys, if your wife wants something like that it's alright to laugh. It's okay to have this kind of Hello Danny jokes. Another example.
When I show
when Sophia only allowed on her she had honey, honey oh god suddenly like God Matthew which has had a very bad smell and the process of Allah Salaam when he came to the house of Sofia hafsa she knew that he loved honey. A lot of them she said Jada solomo coming up to some of this is of course, he ate from the honey. And then when he went out I showed the love Lana, she heard about it.
So she went and she called Sophia and so that the other ladies in the same camp, they said, Listen, are solos gonna come to you? And he's gonna basically he had some honey from the house of house. I want you to tell him that you smell natural from him. Which is that bad smell and the property he hated anyone to since any bad snowman. And if you ask you know it was just honey from the house of Sofia hafsa you tell him that it's not fair. It must be that the bees must got it from the from the tree. So eventually, also, like come to the house, Elijah. And I She goes, What is this smell? It goes nothing. It's just honey. I ate from the house of hopstop. She goes No, no, no, that smells
like my fear. Which is I don't like that smell. Oh my god. Oh, I hate that. Because no, let's just visit was the honey I get from the house of house.
Then she said the bees must have taken from the Matthew. Then also like go to the house of soda soda. She says she was freaked out from is that when the burger was about to come in, she said, What is this smell? He was coming into the door. She goes What is this smell? And so for Rasulullah Wow, at that distance?
Because just honey I got from the house of hafsa. The same scenario went with Sophie are they allowed Alana? eventually when he went back to the house of house? She said yes a lot some honey. He goes no Exactly.
So that she was narrating the stories later after the death of the Prophet sallallahu Sallam with Ayesha being there. She said for Laila Katana, whom he says for Rasulullah we deprived him from what he loved. So actually, she tends to sell as she goes, just be quiet, because it was good. It was good to
be quiet now. Which means it was at the moment was funny, right? It was fun, it was practical joke and so on. So if something like this happened in the house, take the moment. And if it's funny, then it's funny really is there is no harm if you guys make some of these innocent pranks on each other. But please, please, first of all, you need to understand and prepare your spouse that they are willing to take a prank. And I would suggest specifically for the ladies, you need to check with your husband, maybe he's not that type of funny person. Or maybe he doesn't have that funny bone in his body. So therefore, be careful whenever you throw a pillow on him or anything like that. He
might throw something else yeah.
I was so be careful before you do that. Next.
When it comes to understanding languages, you know husband and wife they need to be bilingual. And I mean by that you need to understand masculine language and also the feminine language. And ladies the same thing you need to be new to understand your first language is his feminine language. But you need to also understand the masculine language completely different the different dictionary just to show you an example on how men and women understand things. If both husband and wife an example I mentioned before actually is both husband and wife. They entered the walk in closet to wear something for the wedding that they're going to be going to
a wedding they're going to be going to a party to go into it now. The husband looks around and he goes there is nothing to wear away.
And the woman she looks at herself she goes there is nothing to wear over here.
The word is the same right? But from a masculine dictionary. What does exactly mean agenda there is nothing to wear over there. For you guys when you come into the basically into your closet and you said there was nothing to each other one. There is nothing to wear over here. What does that mean to you?
Is nothing ready or nothing clean?
Nothing really nothing clean. Ladies when you say there is nothing to wear away. What does that mean?
nothing new, nothing suitable for the occasion.
Even though the words are the same, there is nothing there. There is nothing there to wear away. Why?
Because we speak completely two different languages, even though the words we use is the same, you have to decipher the language of the opposite gender. So men and women, they need to be bilingual. And it would be clever if you can understand it silently without even saying a word. Like what? An example Rasulullah sallallahu wasallam. One day he saw I saw the loud aranha, listening to the
to the plane of the IBC in the method on the eighth day. So as she was working something in the house, she stopped. She was listening to them, the prophet sellers and he sees that occasion. He sees that, what do you expect him to do? Or how does he understand her attention to that sound? What would you say to her salado Silla, he immediately understood their language body language right now he didn't he didn't even say a word. He said, Do you want to watch it?
Women they will say oh my god, I wish my husband is like this. I just I just do something he would understand it quickly. So he said you want to watch this? She said yes. hirasawa. So he stood for her behind that window and she came from behind them. And she said what had the Allah had the my cheek was on his cheek. Imagine that. How would it look like? She definitely was resting her chin on his shoulder. And perhaps she was holding him from behind him and his cheek on his cheek and he himself. He's okay, leaning his face and his head on hers. And she stood there for a while. Like any other man. He's busy, right? So he would tell her Are you done?
She said no.
And that Rasul Allah is just stood again, continue, let her watch. Then she said, Are you done? He said, Are you done? She said, No. She kept saying no, no, until finally, finally she said, I'm done. Then he came back and they went back to the business. He didn't rush. It is a comment that says I'm done with this stuff. He just waited for her to follow what the law was that Imani? When I was speaking about this incident. What did she say? God will law he might get a lead and nobody will have a chat even harder. You know, I had no interest in watching these other seniors. I just wanted the other wives to know about his position for me.
She wanted to hear about his long standing for her body alone.
But if you look at that beautiful gesture of holding you know, cheek to cheek and there was holding amazing and beautiful standing. So I shall be Allahu tada Anna. Also Rasulullah toda will lie in Nila Alamo Matata, Hakuna
Matata, Hakuna Yaga by Allah I know when you're happy with me and when you're unhappy. She goes, how come? He said when you're happy? You say, Mohammed, I swear with the God of Mohammed. And what you're unhappy, you would say, Abraham, I swear by the laws of Abraham. So the problem she said in response to that she said your rasulillah will lie. My Andrew lessman I'm just avoiding your name, which means the Love is in the heart. I will just I'm just avoiding your name, meaning he understood even if she didn't say anything about this, but he realized what she says that okay, she's unhappy right now we're gonna have to do something to you know, make it up for her. He will understand that
sort of bottom line was allamani