Channel: Wisam Sharieff
Alhamdulillah Alhamdulillah Allah alameen wa salatu wa salam O Allah Rasool de Nabeel Karim.
All praise and thanks are due to Allah subhanho wa Taala, who gave us today. All praise and thanks are due to Allah subhanho wa Taala, who gave us this convention yet again for another year. All praise and thanks are due to Allah subhanho wa Taala, who has made our development the Muslims in North America and their process of becoming a better example. Allah subhanho wa Taala has not only blessed us in our hearts to keep returning, but he's made our states so much cooler. So I'm heading to LA, we say good Alhamdulillah
praise Allah subhanho wa Taala as much as you can for the ambiguous things in life, for the things that you're not sure of the fact that you hit all of your buttons, the fact that your children wanted to come, the fact that you today could match your hijab to whatever purse you were carrying you thank Allah, you said Alhamdulillah SR school Alhamdulillah
we praise we think Allah subhanho wa Taala not only for the ambiguous things, but for what Abu hurayrah the Allahu taala and said, the believer loses on two things, the believer he loses on two things. And this I must say before anyone can say the word frustration, I must say these words that we lose out on our free time and on our health. So take advantage of these two things. My young brothers and sisters, I cannot advise my parents and my elders, but take advantage of your free time and take advantage of the health for you never know, just like the conference. It's all strong and good. And on. At the end of Monday, everything will close up. And as much as you took in from this
conference as much as you absorbed is going to act as the antibody till maybe next year. So I praise Allah subhanho wa Taala not for the familiar faces, not to be sitting on stage with my teachers and with scholars and elders. But I praise the last panel to Allah for every single person in this crowd, who did not or was not able to attend any other Islamic lecture because their small town was not blessed with the likes of yasir Qadhi was not blessed with the likes of Shaykh. Abdul Nasir was not blessed with the likes of those who could have taught them. So to us specifically, my brothers and sisters who drink from this wealth of knowledge from the economic convention and the various
topics that are being discussed here. I say unto you, As salam o aleikum, wa rahmatullah.
My friends have advised me via text that the mic could be a little closer. Is Is it audible in the back with some gesture? Yes, de la hater. So today's topic is not exactly an Islamic topic, I want you to move away from the concept that we're having an Islamic topic, as anyone from the medical community or any parent can tell you, your kids frustration with you, your frustration, as a parent with them. It's global, it spans all faiths, it spans all understandings, quite frankly, people who don't believe in God still their kids don't listen. So we ask Allah subhanho wa Taala to help us split today's talk towards my mother's towards my father's. And the second part for us young people,
I guess I teeter totter somewhere in between. So let's set the premise from an Islamic perspective first, and understand where we stand all of us. where we stand with our parents and where we're supposed to go with that be isn't a law once we understand their macam besides an outside of the concept of saying yes, but when we understand what we owe our parents, then we as young people can understand what the word frustration truly means. When Allah subhanho wa Taala. And I'm hoping at this point, you start to take a few notes, we make these thoughts so that you can understand and grasp something so that when this is watched on YouTube, somewhere later, some kids some mom who's
exhausted and just no one's listening anymore. She can say, I think this makes sense. So no parents in this room, whether your children are frustrated with you or not Allah has gifted you when he says, Mr. Da,
Allah has enjoined, Allah has commanded Allah
buddhu illa iya everyone understands the translation right? That we worship none other than Allah subhanho wa Taala and immediately without a pause without any Oh off without me walk, Allah subhanho wa Taala Allah tells us after worshiping him all
after a love, the one you cannot see, the way to manifest your belief in the one you cannot see, is being nice and beloved and honorable to those who you can see, Allah subhanho wa Taala gave us life and through whose hands or whose womb did we come through our parents. Now this is a small moment for the middle aged parents who are just coming into this understanding of what it is to grow up. A loss of Hiawatha taala informed us six times in the Quran to be dutiful to your parents are with me on this six times he says and have mercy unto your parents six times to be to fulfill their rights. Now we can do an entire talk to understand what the rights of the parents are. But I'm asking you as
parents, how many times does a loss of Hiawatha Allah says say in the Quran, and be dutiful to your wife? And your kids? Think about it. I know you're flipping right flip through it. Okay, we're going through, we don't see. You know what, there is not once in the Quran where Allah subhanho wa Taala encourages you to fulfill the rights of your children and your spouse. You know, why not? Because Allah subhana wa Taala doesn't intend this for us. But the human being which one does he forget? First sisters, you tell me? Do we forget our parents? Or do we remember the first guy who items us? Or do we remember the first person who comes and says, Wow, you look nice today. We very quickly,
very quickly, we forget our parents. So where Allah subhanho wa Taala could have said once to us and fulfill the rights of your parents. He told us six times, but for the one that we are willing to give up everything, my dear friends, brothers, it's why you lined up your beard this morning. It's why you pressed your shirt. It's why you feel Superfly when you come to Aigner, because of them. And Allah subhanho wa Taala did not reject the rights of the children or the wife. But what did he do? He said, you're going to take a loan for them, you're going to sacrifice and work two jobs for them. You're going to miss the hersa law, because I need to get to work not for yourself, but for who? for
your kids. So in a place parents, understand your macam understand where you stand, you reserve the right for in your youth, you look to Allah subhanho wa Taala but in your child's youth, your as a child, we look to our parents. So first I turn unto our parents and I try to explain frustration is an immaturity. frustration is an immaturity, but the reality of my frustration growing up with my parents was that they didn't understand. They couldn't fathom they couldn't tell me what was right and what was wrong. So when Allah subhanaw taala told me to fulfill their rights, all I thought was just say yes. And this became frustrating because I didn't know what was coming next. So what we
intend to do today, we know the mcbomb of parents, but let's try to strip away some of the formalities. Let's strip away some of the formalities of Yes Mom Yes dad, and come to the best example of one who speaks to his child. And that was look man the wise and when look man looked at his child, and he says, What is
he Oh boy.
Do you not remember what if Allah Look, man, and Don't you remember when Luqman said, Oh my child? Oh, my child, my son. Oh my beloved. He told him in a beautiful name. Wha hoo. boo, boo Nia, LA to Sri Kabila. Brothers and sisters who find frustration with their children. Remember, the best advice that you can give your child is broad. When you tell your child don't do this, he says, whatever. Right when you tell your child you're not going there, they're going to see laws, they're going to see halaal haraam but when it comes to Allah parents, how do we deal with Allah? Allah you like this? I love it. I love this makes you happy. I love it. pray to Allah.
An og O Allah make me love what Allah loves. I don't know how many people caught that do odd that I tweeted right before coming. It's a dog that we make, Oh Allah make me love that which you love, make those who love you love me, this is the way your child will lose or
will break the knots of frustration. Because when we turn to Allah as our children turn to us and say, am I allowed to do this? And and it says no, this is how long we see a lot as something distinct, something difficult. And he called his child and gave him broad examples. He gave him broad examples. And he also shared is the biggest thing. associating partners with a law is an enormous sin. But he told his title this with a loving way. Number one call upon your children the way you used to, not in the beginning, not in front of their friends don't say no, no, no beta in front of their friends. But when your child exhibits frustration, you don't get it. When your child
comes to you and says, Dad, I need to go to this class, I need to learn about Islam and you say, No, you need to take care of your chores, before you do this. And when your child exerts frustration. This is your opportunity to share those words with him. Whatever you called him as a child, whatever gesture remember, I'm out of your la junta on her. Her entire narration is in Bukhari was what? The Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, he touched my face. He touched the whole narration. Touch. Maybe that was your child's love language. Maybe there was a word that you call them. Yeah, boo ninja doesn't work for me. If I'm not sure if my dad came along and said, Yeah, boonie I'd be like,
Dad, you've been listening to too much acid. But you've been listening to too much acid body. That's not what you called me. Don't act with your children. But be as you were when they understood when you understood your baby's cry. And you could your husband said I think he's hungry. No, no, no. I think that he's just tired. And if you understood them, call them by that way. Frustration will melt away Yabu niniola to Sri Kabila. Another concept for us to understand from this,
that when children come to us, adults, parents with frustration, can you imagine if you retaliated with frustration, we just did the example right now and I'm giving this to my father's to my elders. The Prophet Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam was in his home, and two of his wives. What are the Allahu taala on her on an Houma or an hoonah? We heat both of them got into an argument. And in this argument, one of them remember we did in the last talk, one of them made a gesture towards the other and she said you're the daughter of a Jew. Kind of a sensitive topic, right? So in this, she retaliated. There were words exchanged the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam came into the house.
Now dads Think about this. Your kids are arguing there's something going on in the house. Maybe someone wants to go to a concert, maybe there's some exchange where you know, it's not good for them. He walked into the house, and he won the hearts of them. He told the first wife, yes. And from bunnies raw ear from the Jews were many prophets. You are the daughter of a prophet. And he turned to the second wife, and he said, What did he say sisters from the last talk?
You're the wife of a prophet hamdulillah. He settled the hearts. Now you're all saying this is a great talk brother. But you don't live in my house. In my house. It doesn't start that simply. Now this is where in the shilka love Hulu, Navin, if we can install principles in our children, concepts that when your child is out, or when your daughter is sitting alone and someone pokes her on Facebook and someone says something to her, she thinks back. You know what I need to see my parents, I need to know where my mom and dad are. I need to know what's next for me. Now, parents, I need to share the other side of this coin. Unfortunately, it is in a current Johar Bollywood world where
everything is so immaculately beautiful that we all La la la la la dancing, I love my parents. It's all about the parents. No fam, we live over here. We live here and we have to live in a world where our children you're telling them okay, make sure you you concentrate at the economic convention. And then they get here and let me tell you, a lot of other things are there for them. So these principles help us tremendously but I need to now switch over to the second side of the coin. So parents here with me, right? Call this your children by soft names after they retaliate? Not first, your son wants to feel like a man. So he's gonna retaliate. He's gonna come at you and say you don't
get it and say, No, I don't help me understand. When your child comes at you and says dad, but this is what has to happen. This is
Wanting sooner Smile, smile, say, Oh, you took a weekend course I can tell how I'm good. I'm glad I'm so happy for you. If you remember, I'm the advocate of the weekend course. So I tell you, but when people leave one of my seminars, I say don't leave, you know, with anger, but leave with beauty, leave understanding that we've introduced something. But remember, that's the job of a teacher to instill. But when your child comes to you saying that don't retaliate, because Muhammad Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam and one of the things that couldn't carry in his character was when he was concerned, or when he was uncomfortable with the situation. The retaliation to and
everyone's a subordinate, right? Everyone is beneath Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, what did he do? He used to grab his beard in, and he would rest his chin on his sternum. And he would think this automatically shuts your child up. This does not give them the opportunity to give you jawab ofii wanna turn her Houma? When your parents are in their older age, don't say off to them. So my young teenagers, my generation, when our parents ask us, and we say, Oh, god, this is us retaliating on them. But that pull on yourself, spend the time Look at your child. Look at your child for that moment of frustration and let them experience it. For as a child, it is real. I
promise you what we feel is real. But Allah subhanho wa Taala and sisters, how many times you get all dolled up right? Your hijab pin is shining like the moon, right? So you come over to the conference and someone didn't recognize you. Right? Allahu Allah. Maybe he just did not see the the right things. And then you your mom comes to you and says, pull your shirt down, or your mom comes to you and says, fix your hijab. And all of a sudden you're like, What? You retaliate because what was real you got shafted. You did not get the attention of someone, but what was real? That was real like that pain was real. But what does Allah subhanho wa Taala remind us and read, reaffirm in us
that yes, this pain is real. And yes guys, maybe what you wanted that, that electronic or that card that you've been running after? That hasn't come to you. And that is a real pain but parents I asked you to acknowledge and all of us need to recognize what was slain
that Allah subhanho wa Taala has ordained has enjoined for us bydd to be with our parents. And then he reminds us because today we are with our parents. None of us are young and being suckled. But Allah subhanho wa Taala reminds us harmala to Moo hoo.
That of these two people maybe you can't see dad because dad's at work from nine to five. So Allah subhanho wa Taala takes your pain, your pain is real. Your your agony, your frustration that your parents don't know what it means that someone from high school slandered you on Facebook, or someone tweeted a picture of you sleeping. Your parents don't know what that means. But remember, Allah subhanho wa Taala reminds us hemella that our mothers carried us. And from a very simple perspective, young men when you go into ruku today for mother, and that your lower spine hurts just a little bit lower lumbar 564 or five, six, and you feel that awkward pain. Your 10 pounds of body
hung on her spine for six months. first three months. It was a piece of cake right sisters, first first three months, so we'll give them it didn't work out. But for six months, your body weight pulled on her spine for six months. When your hair developed. She got heartburn for six months, the smell of pickles and peanut butter was very attractive.
But for six months how Merlot who Moo hoo wah wah wah, that you can't see your dad You don't have a acknowledgement of your dad of what he's done for your class Leave it. But can you acknowledge when you see a woman carrying this baby full of embryonic fluid? Her hair is getting thinner her teeth are getting there's like a a pregnant glow that maybe you haven't seen yet. wannon Allah wa and it would be enough. It would have been enough. If you just fell out of your mom, right? And then the darn thing would just take care of itself. But it sits there. And when you could not understand anything. You only understood one sound that was the heartbeat of a woman that put
To sleep at night, that woman picked you up, covered in this book
and said, My child, my baby, and that woman knew how to feed you. That woman knew what to do, because all females swallow who feed fee. Me for two years for two years, your mother suckled you. It's not about the feeding only. But it is the fact that he gave you life and she fed you life. It's not the fact that your mom took out time and did something that is being considered today to be a shameful thing. She did something for you, and you literally sucked the life out of a woman. And then when you were 13, she didn't understand you anymore.
So if this I have two minutes left, I wish Murphy's Law to goofy I mean, if you want to be fulfilling the rights of your parents, initially, be thankful to Allah fulfill a laws rights, when you were the day and your parents rights. And parents remember and find out what your rights are. It's very difficult to see that. So what I'd like to do in the last minute and a half that I have left, these are all general advices. Friends, nobody here learned anything new. Right? So rock bottom three is we did Sora, bunny serai. We did we did 12 to 13 here. So go home and read these things. But what I'm asking you to do, but isn't allowed today is open one line of communication for
your child. Because thus far I've kind of given a put pressure on the kids. Parents, you have no idea if I told and I'm going to tell you, if I could tell you as a speaker, the type of the type of conversations that we have to deal with the type of frustrations that a girl has to deal with the type of difficulties that a young man he's not supposed to talk to girls. He's not supposed to be on the internet. But God forbid he say he wants to get married like shake. sohaib said, it's something that is the hardest thing in the world. It's not about marriage, it's about the outlet. It's about the ability for me to say, Dad, I am having some problems. So two very concise advices This won't
work for the moms as much dads do something and I will say openly. My dad did this. I was very weird. For the first time he made an email address that I didn't know was his. Then he introduced. Look, I'm a friend. I want to know what's going on in life. And I was like, No, I ain't about this. Look, we'll sit we'll talk I am going to chat with you. But then sent another email. Look, things are difficult. I can't say to my dad, I think he's really beautiful. Well, I really shouldn't say that to my dad. But point of the story. You can't express all of the words that you want.
To your parents face. I feel shy this evening, I spoke to my family members. There's a talk of four brothers only. And it's about the dirtiness that's on the internet. I can't even say it here because my family's here. But on the online you can communicate via text. Mom's friend's father's Can you not a little bit in Sharla? Who I mean?
As a busted i mean but um, I have a minute left to stand up here saying I mean three sisters. best advice, best advice and this is from someone who when your child comes to you with frustration. Do not give them things to do. Mothers treat their children like plants. You try to watch them grow.
Have you ever watched grass grow? It's very boring. Give your children a little bit of time. Give them broad principles for in their frustrations is a reality in their frustration. So if your daughter came to you and said my friends cut themselves real thing my desk when I used to work at the mustard my dryer was full of little razor blades. Yes. Okay, now put this into perspective. These are not your non hijabi girls parents. These are real things. Example of something that's a real frustration. I'm a 14 1516 year old girl. I'm supposed to wear hijab and I'm supposed to cover myself and no matter how much I cover myself some are more in the mustard is gonna say look at these
girls. Okay, so in the mustard I'm basically banished when I come out of the mustard, Glee Gilmore Girls and everything that is the beautiful world of entertainment says be beautiful, be bold. If you got it, flaunt it. Right. Right girls.
In So then I'm a young girl. I don't feel pretty at the mustard. My father has never told me I'm beautiful. By the way. The Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam told me out of the love of God on how what she was wearing that yellow dress. What did he say to her? He said to her pretty dress and what did she do? She grabbed her dress and said she felt beautiful.
Not by in in an inappropriate way. But she felt what is the law when you look in a mirror, teach your children this, Oh Allah, you made something beautiful. So make my inside beautiful. Tell your daughters that you're beautiful, but this girl, not beautiful at the mercy of them when she comes outside. Yo, what's that thing on your head? Why do you look like that? So she needs to feel good. So she cuts herself.
Your daughter comes to you and says, mom, my friend's cut, I don't know what to say I want to help them. And that means your daughter's may be interested or thinking. For those of you fathers who are floating, the cutting, it's a punishment. It gives you a punishment and it also satiate the pain. They need to be loved. their frustration is real. My minute is gone. But now I want you to remember moms when they come to you with this. Remember that? Yes, every part of our religion that you learn back home, it's there, but give them an opportunity, an opportunity to blossom and opportunity to find themselves beyond these difficulties in life. And for the fathers in law. Please keep the doors
of communication open to your parents to your sons. In this day and age. If you have not spoken to your child about the responsibilities, the responsibilities of his lower half, I guarantee you somebody else will have taught him already. All that is clean and pure is from Allah subhanho wa Taala mistakes misrepresentations are my own. I will ask you for one thing if you can take these all four speakers topics and build a healthier society for parents and children will lie below them. There will be no why Islam will go out of business. People will just say I want to be like those families. I want to be like them who sit and eat together who share frustrations. I want to be the
father who is allowed to be yelled at his kids comes in says I don't get you. I don't want to know you and he smiles. And he says okay, my child, come when you're ready. Be either an ally to Allah. Allah will bless us and make us as beautiful as Allah has made you man. He keeps you safe and I apologize for the excess in time.