Channel: Tahir Wyatt
So, as you heard the title of today's talk
is Islamic foundations for a happy home. I think we
actually change the title
those things which are necessary. So please allow us
in the home because of your house, the velocity that is pleased with your home is going to be a happy home. No matter how much you strive for happiness,
if that is displeasing to Allah
and this desire to be happy, is a it's a human it's a natural human desire. It's not something that is specific to Muslims or to males or females to younger old everybody.
And I'm going to ask you something,
because because I think we need to really think about this, what does it mean to be happy? And I want answers I don't like this answer. Because
Okay, so to be content, to not design. So basically you feel at least you feel like you have everything you want, and therefore you are had anybody
To building your heart that you are pleased with the law that allows fans that is pleasing to you. Okay, maybe that's a Muslim definition, or just the human definition of happiness.
Because everybody has contentment and satisfaction it's similar to
Coronavirus is not happiness could Canarias what they're talking about, which is contentment. Happiness is sad. Normally.
Anybody else? Yes.
So he'll fulfill, right. Okay, so it goes back to content. All right. I want us to, I want us to start there. Because a happy home. And I was essential to this point, we were looking for happiness in the home.
It's a bit different than seeking happiness, through marriage, happiness in marriage is different from seeking happiness.
This point is critical, because a lot of people are not happy. And they think that by getting married, they will become happy automatically. And that's a fallacy.
There's not going to be any marital happiness
without individual happiness.
And that's why it's very important that before you embark upon marriage, or before you look at your marriage, and you say what's going on what's wrong with my marriage, it has to be an internal audit, you have to look at what's going on inside of you. And don't think that you're going to be a miserable person, you're 21 years old, you're miserable in life. And you think that now by getting married, that life is going to turn for you and be happy. It doesn't work like
and the more that you work on your relationship with the loves of Hannibal, What's
your relationship with Allah and your spouse also works on their relationship with the loss of habitat, that is where you'll be able to find happiness in the home
and I hope it is clear. So when Allah subhana wa tada is pleased with you.
Our Prophet is allowed to have senses that allies of the jungle will tell jabril
yet to grill me or Fufu them
Oh jabril I love this person.
So loved jabril will call out to the inhabitants of the heaven that allows fans out he loves this person so so love him and then he will be given kaboom without and he will be given the acceptance and on earth
the more that a person is pleasing
male or female.
are going to try to sum this up today.
And this is gonna go old school so like you might need a pen and paper I don't those things probably like people out there.
Like you're gonna have to jot down notes because
This is I want to approach this a little differently than just the succinct talk. Because sometimes when when files too much of a logical order, you're asleep. So sometimes need to jump around a little bit, keep your keep your mind. Right.
I've just gotten to the point.
It's very important that we recognize
that happiness starts starts within allies, we emphasize this as the bride.
That the subtler have we not a loss of man's assets or properties? Have we not expanded your chest? Any profit? So why don't sell them that happiness comes from him kind of attack? If you look for it in other places, you may find some temporary fixes, which are not going to find a cure
Ally's widow says lm mesh mesh, why do we not expand your chest? In other words, do we not make you happy? Oh,
alarms, we felt the same way that he created this hand of yours and your body also created your emotions, he is the owner of those emotions, if you want to be happy to ask the last point out of it, and don't think that you're going to get it from elsewhere. That is a delusion and is going to take you off of the pen. So knowing where to seek happiness is very important.
To that point, inshallah, we're going to just go through quickly, what I consider and illustrates animals best, what I consider to be some of the most important and there may be some other things that are going to be skipped some of the most important aspects of a healthy and happy home. And this is one of the most difficult talks that I've ever given. Because the reality is, is that we're all striving for happiness in our homes. And just like
everything else in his land, and your man just like these ebbs and flows, ups and downs is the same thing. And man.
Even in the household of our profit, it is so hard to sit down. And if there was just going to be a household that had no absolutely no problems, there was no drama is no, absolutely no argumentation, it would have been the house of the Prophet and so on and so on.
But that wasn't the case.
It's not that there was turmoil, let's, let's not go here that the process is very healthy, he had very healthy marriages. Okay, but they weren't that perfect in that sense that meaning that there was no friction, or you think about
think about later in the life of the Prophet it is selective. So there
we go back. But I want to say these things. Because being happy does not mean that it's not going to ever be any problems. That's not what happens. But
later in the life of the property, so I do sit in
some of the wives of the Prophet Soleil, someone got together. And they sent Fatima, the daughter of the process
to talk to the Prophet, about his love for adage, they were, they were a little bit like
they wanted someone to love them as much as he loves passionately love.
So they sent him
to the house of the Prophet sallallahu wasallam. And they said, talk to him about Aladdin being just with us.
And so palfinger went to the province I sent him that basically, they looking for a you know, they know that the process and most popular like nobody else. So they figured that she would be the one if anybody could talk to it, it will be
so far from a pain in the process. Someone's in the house in the next
step the next time down in the visa line with some so she has permission to enter the process. I saw someone hurt. And he was there
sitting next to action.
So Fatima said, to develop
your wives have talked to me ma ns, they wanted me to talk to you about being
just with them. And they won't call or I should have called me. But that was the idea. She was the daughter of Mr. Buffett.
And he was
so the practice of lighting is on sale. Fatima Do you not love the one who I love?
And she said yes.
She said to prophesize Yes, I love her too. And she said, I've never asked you anything. And
she went back to the wilds of the province of Iowa. So they said you didn't do us any good.
You didn't do us any good. So then they say, let's send Xena into jash. Bobby alone
is also a white with a practice of light in the salon, and actually a lot of time and had said that she was the one that was
basically the one that was almost equal to me, kind of the words that she used to describe Xena. She said about saying that she was the one who also had a part of the heart of the Prophet sallallahu.
So she says Dana came in, she asked Is she coming to the house of x. And she came in and actually a lot of time. And that was scrapped or in the most beautiful way. She said, It was no woman. She said, I don't know lady woman was more charitable than saying she would give away her money. She was terrible. With her actions, that is that she used to do things that he did, for the pleasure of the last time that she said she was a devout worshipper of Allah. And she described her with all these beautiful terms. She said, except
she said, The to name that she had, she had a sharp tongue, please.
So she said, This is what she said. She said that she came in.
And she was talking to the prospects and she said your wife wants you to be just, and she said attention drifting.
So actually a lot of time and as she says, I looked at the province of Iowa. So I tried to gauge when he gave me permission to respond.
And when he got over was he telling me to just fall back. She said, and when I saw that the property somebody was selling didn't, didn't mind me responding, she said, I responded, and I silenced the man, listen to this, this is happening. This is the best of women in front of the best man. So
anyway, let me try
to do that. But the point is that
there was some tension there. Right. And the fact that there was tension didn't stop, or didn't mean that that still wasn't the best household
Him is the best example for us as a husband, as a, as a spouse, as a as a parent.
All of this we gain from the same. So the point is that as you look for happiness in our families, we shouldn't just, we shouldn't be looking for perfection as a perfectionist.
So we're going to sum up, also, I think
I should mention, notice how
that connection she had with the process. Like they read and she's reading
tell her you can respond. She said I'm looking at the process to try to gauge is he gonna let me respond. And she said when I saw they didn't mind.
They haven't said anything to each other. She's got to communicate, they have this like subliminal communication. And I think that's important that you get to know your spouse to a level where you really don't have to go and say a whole lot. But that is that that level of communication between the two. So what we're going to get to inshallah is six main points
that will serve
as the foundations for a happy home. I'm going to mention them all together and then I'm going to go one by one. The first is obedience to Allah.
The second is a loss of
House, does not have balancing will fail it won't be a happy home.
The third thing is sugar.
raisins, right it's
the forest is alive and
is good for both spouses that the people in the house have good character, good manners.
And then the last, what the tone must
mercy, love and mercy together. Okay, so what is number one again?
obedience to Allah to have
of the house
the household that is pleasing to a loss of data and therefore one that is happy
is the Dean of a loss of handling time that both people approach marriage as a means of drawing closer to a loss of habitat.
And this is this is both demand and
the practice of a while it was some of them said that attack on mental bowknot Vina, who will who will come
in we'll answer file system fitness, we'll fill out
the proper civil audio some of them
if someone comes to you seeking marriage, you are pleased with this team,
his level of religiosity
and you are pleased with his his behavior.
Then marry him, you marry,
that you marry him to the one who's anxious seeking. So what is your daughter, your sister, whoever that married him to that person. If you don't do that, there's going to be fitness in the lane, and great corruption.
Okay, so if someone comes to you, seeking your daughter's name, your sister's name, whoever it is that you may be in charge of.
And that person has good theme.
That is that the practice of Islam is intact, and that they have good character
to tell somebody this lampi attack did not have good character.
Okay, so why Dina? Who? Why both? Why is religiosity and is there? Yes.
For emphasis, yes.
So, the prophesy sound was sent this is to show us the perfection of good character. But the point is, there is emphasis here is emphasis on the point of character, because being a lot of times may refer to ritual aspects of worship. So how do you know is this person praying on time, all of the time, and fulfilling the other rights of a lost habitat, a lot of times Dean kind of goes towards those ritual aspects. Right?
Like character as part of the approximate size, we are emphasizing that part. So if someone comes to you and you're pleased with a character, you're pleased with a DNA character, then marry them all? Meaning what, what quality are we looking for first and foremost, the person's practice of, of being their relationship with a lump sum kind of time, if they don't do good in their relationship with a loss of data, most likely, they're not good and your relationship with your daughter,
she's looking to get married with the sister or whoever else. All right, at the property side of Sudan said about women some capital model had to be up by the man how he has to be higher with each family. How would he
be that'd be 30. But the problem is that a woman is married before things for her wealth, for her nobility and in her lineage. What? You know what family she comes from, what tribe she comes from.
And for her beauty, number three, her wealth, her lineage of beauty and for for the, for her being the promise of the lotto some set of bones probably that's been 30 beds, you bet. So pick the one. Pick the one who has the made your hands covered in dust with the bed
where your hands be covered in dust, what does that mean?
You won't need
so that you can be prosperous and successful, but no, okay.
You have to understand that this stuff, it comes frequently in the language of the hair. They use things like this to mean the opposite 30 but that is usually an indication that somebody is poor. Yes.
Okay so but but he is actually depends on what what to do is related to if they do it is related to follow up you got to be basically choose the woman for her being and you will prosper basically is what the prophet it says okay in other words without going into a lab because the time is like ticking quickly
that we make our our decision on who we marry based on
that is one of the foundations for a home that is pleasing to Allah subhanho wa Taala notice that here Eliza doublets talking about the campaign's
he says to the promise of life so lo m Fox and medfield outreach Jovian man, I left the bane of my life in the law.
If you have spent everything that was in the earth, to bring their hearts together,
that what you wouldn't be able to bring their hearts together but it is a law that has brought their hearts together.
So know that with your spouse is not going to be about how much you spend or how much they do. But it's about a loss, paradigmatic divide between the lines. And that's only going to happen when both people are trying to please a loss of habitat and when that happens, the allies
will bring their hearts together the lens again it's not about the money. It's not about the material. You know, there are people Mashallah very nice mansions and things like that they get divorced. They have people who live very humble means and they stay together and they love each other and they always
know that because they're striving to please along some kind of time. So it is critical in recognizing happiness, that we are striving to be obedient to Allah subhana wa Tada. In fact, the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said an authentic it.
well enough, so Mohammed, me getting Metalab men. For 40 Cobain, a woman will be them being up to who I had a woman, probably some say, well, in the Bible, when we met and, and my soul. And in viola, there are two people who have loved each other both of whom have been a woman. And then they are separated, except because of a sin that was done by one.
Except because of a sin that was done by one of imaginefx is that us in but it's a life of sin. Nanny a person is constantly in disobedience to a lot to kind of looks at it, that may be a cause of the family being split, and not being happy. Happiness starts with obedience philosophy that I just want that point.
Now, as we talk about obedience, the lust mentality is a lot more than can be said to on this particular point.
We had to make sure and this brings us to point number two,
we have to make sure that there is balance.
So a lot of us when we think about marriage, and I also this is not just for people who haven't gotten married yet, by the way, because the last time we hear this type thing we say Yeah, well, you talked about picking one for Dean. And I really got married because the brother had a steady job. And now what do I do? I got married because I got a glance and she was beautiful. Now what do I do?
Well, what you do is you try to rectify a situation to the best of your ability. If this person is truly a Muslim, then we are going to grow in the same way that you have grown. Nobody just starts off the beginning of their lives. Most people anyway.
They are exceptions to the rule. But most people grow in the beam as they get older as they learn more and they're able to practice or develop good hands.
So the point is that what happens is we hear all this and then we say oh, I guess I'm going to take my wife and I'm for example I here to Heidi, the shake just mentioned it and he said that the process of lighting was so upset that there's no man who wakes up at night. This is it the process is no man will make wakes up at night and he prays and wakes his wife up. And if she doesn't get up and sprinkles a little water on her.
And then she also if she prays at night, and then she sprinkles a little water on her husband and they wake up and they pray together except that they'll be written
from amongst those who are grateful to Alaska,
and other mid flight, and we say hello, as Marcelo tonight, say, wake up, he doesn't get up on the sprinkle little water. If that doesn't work, they'll have the Ice Bucket Challenge.
Make sure he gets up, afraid to go in. And we want to make sure that this house is one that is pleasing to all of us. The reality is, is that being gradual is important.
The gradual is important.
And the profit is spotless Ranch, Wes is upon many of his campaigns, boom, he saw doing things that for example, we're going to be beyond their capacity to be consistent.
Right? So we know about a blob and our wheelhouse of the Lowell Taylor,
who was striving no to it, his recitation of brine and fasting and all of these things, and the promise of life was someone was pushing him towards moderation. And if there's a lack that that has to do with that, the point is moderation. Both of the worship of a loss of power
and moderation in
the worship, of balancing worship and
entertainment, if I can use that for
moderation in the worship and play with your family and just being light hearted.
And what comes to mind
is the heavy
that's a nice word is the hang of hat handler, or the time and I want us to really, really pay attention to this, because there's several examples from the life of the Prophet I just want to say they give us or they show us the importance of having the balance when it comes to our homes.
handler looks at all the time and he says that I will buckle up for the long side and lucky again, let him
know what to say to paper how to handle that how are you handling and handler responded by saying math.
can Bella has become a hypocrite.
Now mind you, he was one of the ones who used to write the way the bracket is. He used to write down brands it was being revealed.
So every weapon system catalog format, and he was sacked. So he says pedalo what do you what do you mean? He would come up with that?
And he said, Well, we are with the profit so low. It was something that he would have been gentlemen, you will know the prophesy song reminds us of gentleman. He reminds us of the of the hellfire. He reminds us of the hero. Right? As if we can see this parallel. Sometimes it's like that you can even go to adults. And you're listening to all these I had before I listen to that heavy and you're like, ready to go. You're just saying some kind of like you get a man is through the roof. And you said I'm ready to be the last container. That's it. That made you feel so good.
And then he says when we go back to our families, we tend our lives and our children this way said we tend to our wives and our children and these things as we sign them up and this is complaint and these things slip our mind
it says I'm a hypocrite basically because I'm one way when with the province of Lidl some I'm feeling really good and then when I go home I'm like this you know just like this play that you know just hanging out with the family and I'm not really serious and
and that will bucket a sip be will be alone
was the best man to walk this planet after the profits
we feel the same I feel the same way. We need to go to the profit so light is on and and bring this up. So they went to the practice alive and suddenly
the lads started the conversation right away what's the purpose of life is on sale. So look at that
old message of a lot of capital that has become
you become a hypocrite. And the Prophet alayhi wa sallam said men some narrations woman that can and what's going on? And Candela said the same thing that he said.
He said, Well, we're with you over the world to the human
And you remind us of the Hellfire and remind us of the paradise. And noticing it wasn't just focusing on the hellfire. It was both paradex. What's up here? The prophets, I saw them as both encouraging them, giving them encouragement. And he's also, he's also warning of last midnight as punishment for that bounce. That's after the event. He says, but, you know, when we go back to our families, we tended to our wives or playing with our children, these things of our minds and the promise, why is
he so handler, if you were to remain you all,
he said, if you were to remain in the state that you were in, when you are with me,
the age would come down, they will shake your hands while you're lying in bed. And while you're walking, and the passwords you selected, get hung up, he said, but humbler sides?
The time was this?
at a time? Yeah.
WhatsApp is a time when this is a time for that. Yeah.
is a time this is a time for that. So it is very important that as we strive to please the laws
that we don't get to the we don't go so far, that we adopt a posture that we can't maintain, and that we oppress our families in the meantime, because we so shrink,
which, you know, you try to maintain the springs, a family has rights.
And one of those rights that you try loving that you are like the campaign's the process, the time for this, and there's a time for them. And so what you're going to find is that,
as humbleth felt, he felt somewhat hypocritical, because he knows that like, he's thinking, Man, I'm like, we all know, we want to die, we want to know boss codes, I want to make our skills heavy.
You know, so when you're with your family, you're not going to be praying, you're not going to be doing as calm and making go out all the time. So you may feel like you're not filling up that scale. But the reality is, is that it could treatment to your family, if you're doing it for the sake of a loss.
That may be heavier on the scales than anything you'd be saying we've been told that they'd be happier on the scales than the fact that you are missing, because you're spending that time with your family for the pleasure of
That wasn't that was a, that actually, the way that the heavy was worded. That was something that they used to do wasn't just like, one time.
Yo, she said,
when she was younger, she used to when they would break, she would beat the promise of light or something. She said when I got old and I put on some weight in the process.
Right, but this is something that they continue to do. It's it's clear in the process of we'll do this with her, you know, even as they even as time went on, and even as he got older so.
So the reality is, is that that balance, again,
is critical. It was the advice that Savannah facce of a long time and gave to his brother
was up when he came to him, and he found his wife saying and his wife levels up to say that
every day all day, he prays all night, and he really doesn't have any he's not giving me any attention. So, so man, such a
What do you
what do you bet?
As a writer,
your family has a right over you and your body has a right balance. It doesn't imbalance By the way, the
balance does that mean equal?
balance does that mean people understand? So for example, I might have one this bottle of whatever
We put about your, we put a scale, and I put this here. And I said balance. And I put, for example, this, on the other side wanting one is that that is, is it balanced? I'm gonna need a lot more of these, okay to equal one of these understand what balance needs to understand what time for this at a time does that mean, it doesn't mean that you spend 12 hours in the worship of last 12 hours playing
the majority, the majority of your time is still going to be those things which are going to benefit, you're here active, or spend the time doing those things which are going to benefit beneficial things for the good. It doesn't mean that you, you know you're going to spend an equal amount of time and entertainment to play us with any type of
clear, I just want to start understanding. So here, some man probably a long time you set your Lord has a right on
a good family. That's right, so and your body has rights over you. So give each one of them its rights.
And then he went to the Prophet is alive from Sudan.
And he told the problem so I saw it was sent man said
because he thought he was going right thing I'm praying all day. I'm fasting all night. I'm surprised. I'm just you know, and the prophecy someone says son, I said man segment is called the truth of the long term. And so realizing that balance the process of if someone for example, you said Lisa,
Lisa being the last one will lie.
He said everything that is boy, of the vicar of Allah of the remembrance of Allah, his love and life is a distraction is just playing this amusement. And lesson is one of four things will abotu what do we advise that a man does what he plays with his wife plays with his family?
It doesn't have to have the detail of a lot, you know, we try to figure out how can we do everything that it you know, the time that we spend together, it's just going to be it's 100%
if you got to make sure this is when we are trying to get you know, and
the province aligned with some wants to mention three other things, he said
was temporary what what are the policies that have made trains his force, said what time they will see bad and then some of the reasons you will see bad so learning how to swim or teaching, swimming. And they said, well, mesh only they know how to link and that a man goes in between the two targets. In other words, in archery, he says the explanation of some of the styles of hunting. So learning how to shoot learning how to,
you know, do bow and arrow, you know, or archery.
Learning how to or training your horse for what purpose.
Right, so any of those things by PSA, those things are going to help protect the amount of
protection protect the Muslims, especially in this in this type of society that we live in, where our houses of worship are not sacred anymore. They're not off limits for people to attack, to bond to burn down all of these other things that we need to have Muslims. I mean, who are proficient in securing the house is a lot of time. So the point is that the process of I sort of mentioned that even if these things avoid the thinking of a lump sum mentality, if not considered to be level and lag, just distraction and amusement, like, in fact, the person can be rewarded for those things, and a person is encouraged to do those things. So striking that balance. However, the striking when we
talk about striking that balance, never into the heart, never into the heart. But we not just want to say, Oh, yeah, you know, we want to go out to this stuff.
you can't allow yourself, we talked about being balanced this that means balance stops is these red lines for balance. Those who have a lost count on those limits that are lost, that data has established, you have to still maintain and stay within those limits. And you can't allow your quest or your claim for being bounced to allow you to go and to do that which is hard. And you have to protect yourself and your family and your home from the same time.
And that is part of that obedience to the last part of remaining balance the last time when I say
happy, bang, calm and so on. I'm trying to wrap up
The last points.
The last thing I want to say on this particular point is that in order for that for the home to be happening and part of the obedience part of being balanced is to protect that home from shame is
one of the easiest things that a person can do is to remember a last handout upon entering the home. So when entering the home, and make sure that you say this, some of the other dads in the process of it so I will mention upon entering the home and give the son and Sam why they entered the home. Remember allies? Because if you do so, then the shapefiles will say lab or be Telecom. Yeah, you don't have to sell the other day. You don't have anywhere to stay tonight.
And if you remember last time eating your food, when you say this will lead to hungry, but he will say that you have nothing to eat and I will ask you, man, you don't have anything to eat tonight. But if you forget a loss of habitat when entering the home
and you forget a loss of cattle what's added before eating your food, then they say fine, we'll tell the other say I've been saying to them you have a place to stay and you have a meal to eat. So it's very important that we protect our homes from the same time if you want to maintain the head you want to stop here with Ventana