Social Media – Making Me Jealous #1

Sarah Sultan


Channel: Sarah Sultan

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AI: Summary © The speakers discuss the negative impact of jealousy on health and relationships, including feelings of envy and a "monster" mentality. They stress the importance of understanding one's experiences and comparing oneself to others to determine one's potential harm. The speakers also discuss the negative impact of jealousy on personal and professional relationships, including feelings of sadness and feelings of jealousy. The speakers stress the importance of working towards one's jealousy and the use of cognitive filters to disqualify negative emotions. They also mention a future episode to explain how to address neutrality and negative emotions.
AI: Transcript ©
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Salam aleikum wa rahmatullah. Jealousy is a complex emotion. It can come with feelings of anger, sadness, fear, humiliation, pettiness and more. Nobody wants to feel jealous, yet the times we're living in seem to make it easier than ever to become consumed by wanting what others have. What causes us to feel jealous toward others? What are the psychological and spiritual harms of jealousy? And how can our relationship with Allah subhanaw taala make sense of these feelings?

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Welcome to doubletake, a podcast by a clean Institute about the questions and ideas around Islam and Muslims that give us pause. If you haven't already done so. Please subscribe to the show on Apple podcasts, YouTube, Spotify, or wherever you get your favorite podcast. If you like what you hear or want to share feedback, you can let us know directly using the link in the show notes. Today I had an eye opening discussion on the harms and causes of jealousy. I spoke with sister Sarah Sultan and sister Nash, our co authors of the opinion Institute paper. Why is everyone's life better than mine protecting yourself from the dangers of comparison Sister Sara Soltani is a licensed professional

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counselor who has practiced therapy for over 10 years. She's got a master's degree in mental health counseling, and she's an instructor with Mischka University sister Najwa. Howard is a psychotherapist also with over a decade of experience counseling children, adults and families at her practice Amana family counseling. She has a master's in social work and a postgraduate certification in advanced trauma treatment. sister Sarah and sister Najwa are both fellows at European Institute and this is their second time joining us for an episode of doubletake sister Sarah and sister Nashua, Salaam Alaikum and welcome back to doubletake

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flow to get to we're really happy to be here to second left the UK for having us. Yeah, thank you so much for having us. Zack Allah here for joining sisters, you were our debut guests on doubletake in season one, and you open my eyes to the subject of trauma, how prevalent it is and how we can affect our relationship with Allah subhanaw taala. Today, I'm asking you to do the same thing. But on another common issue that is jealousy. But before we do that, I need you guys to define what we're talking about. The more I research into this topic, the more I see, I think conflicting definitions, what is envy, what is jealousy, so I'm hoping to get to the bottom of it. In it's a hadith the

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Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said as Narrated by Abu Hurayrah that beware of hazard for the vowels, good deeds just as fire devours wood or grass. I've seen hazard translated as envy, and sometimes jealousy. And I've heard that there's both good hazard and bad hazard. So before we get started, what is jealousy? And why is it a problem? So it can be confusing differentiating between the two, there's so many definitions for jealousy. And there's so many definitions for for envy. In general, jealousy is when you want something that somebody else has, there is an underlying fear of some kind of loss, maybe that you're losing something that you could potentially gain or sometimes

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in relationships, it could be fear of losing person.

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It's very common. And it's not necessarily a bad thing. We know even in Islam, that there are some examples of jealousy that that are okay.

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We know that protective jealousy. You know, when you feel threatened by someone maybe coming at your spouse, that is a normal response. And that's something because we care about it, we want to protect our relationship. We also know that the prophesy person said that it to permissible kinds of jealousy is when someone has money. And they're spending in the cause of a law, or when someone has knowledge and they're teaching it in the comment below for the sake of Allah. So jealousy is not necessarily bad. It can be, but the difference between jealousy and envy is envy, envy, usually there's an element of malice. So with jealousy, it's, you know, I want what this other person has

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with envy. It's, I went with this other person has, but I don't want them to have it.

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And so or I don't mind it is taken away from from them. So there's a different there's a different feel to it. And a lot of times with envy, there's there's stronger feelings of anxiety

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or anger or resentment, shame, because it's a slippery slope. Jealousy is calm.

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When that happens to almost everybody, but envy is when it starts to become disruptive when we might be inadvertently giving hesed to somebody else. And doing harm, whether we met need to do the harm or not, but also just as much as potential harm it can cost to other people can also cause harm to ourselves. Because ultimately, we're the one carrying that feeling that that really doesn't feel good.

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Would it be fair to say then, if I'm understanding you correctly, that jealousy is almost like a first step to envy? Like it's a, it's a precursor? Because it's, I'm feeling like, I want what someone else has. But the next step to that is I want that, but I don't want them to have it if if I understood you correctly. It is I don't think like cognitively people are thinking in, you know, in steps, but certainly it would be hard. I don't think a person can be envious without being jealous first. Yes. Okay. And when we talk about Hassard, in the Quran, or in the Hadith, we're talking about envy, which is basically the, the, the malicious feeling and wanting something what someone

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wanting what someone else has basically, without them having a Yes, and that's the one that we are cautioned against, you know, if we look at like hobbylink, OBO, which was the the first and it happened from, from, from jealousy, where it could be killed, heavier out of out of jealousy, but even when you take it a step further back, and you look at shape on,

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and that whole interaction between him and Allah, and why we were brought to Earth. But you know, Shaitan says, you know, when he was asked to prostrate to Adam says I am better than him. You know, you You created me from fine, You created him from clay. So, there is arrogance, a lot of times we focus on the arrogance that are certainly arrogance there. But there's jealousy there as well. Yeah, you know, and I, and I think that that's such a really beautiful example, when we're thinking about, have you been copied and the dangers that come from from jealousy that can then lead to envy that can lead to such a huge sin as as even murder in this case, and not just any murder, but murder

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between two brothers. And one of the things that I think is so powerful in that story is where was Kavita focus? His focus was on what his brother was granted, right? What favor from Allah subhanaw taala, his brother was granted, rather than focusing in on his own efforts and the importance of his own efforts, right, because even when he's like giving a sacrifice to Allah's paradata, he's giving the worst of what he has. But he's not taking accountability. He's not thinking, okay, what can I do to improve my my opportunities? What can I do to make to create changes, instead, all of the focus and attention is outward, its external. And that's really where jealousy stems from is when we are

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so overly focused on other people and their lives and the fevers that we perceive in their lives, rather than looking internally and looking at our own lives through a lens of gratitude or through a lens of also what can I do differently. And so I think that's a very powerful example that that mentor brought up. Zack Lochhead. I can understand, like, if someone acts on jealousy, and is malicious, then yeah, sure. It's haram. And it's like, it hurts you, it hurts the other person, etc. But in your experience is like what are the the tacit harms? Like? What are the harms within myself when I feel jealous, like psychologically? What what is the problem with feeling jealous? Not acting

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upon it, but just feeling it? That's such a great question. Mashallah, because jealousy can lead to so much internal instability, right, where it leads to a lot of detriments to your self esteem. When you are comparing yourself constantly to others, then you feel like you'll never measure up because the reality is that you can never fully compare yourself to other people, because you don't know fully what their circumstances are like. And so when we compare ourselves to other people, we don't do it with all of the data points. But when we look at our own lives, we are looking at all of the data points, but focusing in on the negative data points. And so it naturally will make us feel less

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than we feel like we are not enough or we feel like things are coming to us as a punishment from a lost parent data. So it impacts our view of ourselves and it also can impact our relationship with ls path data. And it can impact our interpersonal relationships with other people. Because when you feel badly about yourself and you're critical of you know, there's a lot of hyper criticism, then that the natural next step is to be critical of other people, whether it's that person that you're jealous of, or whether it's the person that you care about in in your life. When you're used to looking for flaws. Naturally, you're going to start to look for flaws in in your relationships.

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Also, it's like this trickle down effect where it can sour everything. And so it's, it's something to definitely be addressed. Yeah, it's such a terrible feeling. And nobody likes to experience jealousy. It's one of those like really shameful things that nobody likes to own up to. And so I'm struggling with that it feels very bad. But yes, so it can, it can impact a person. And you know, brain studies show that effects is releases stress hormone. So it sets people into a fight or flight response, which is kind of almost like a, a trauma response, it really creates a lot of emotional instability. And so it takes us away from being mindful in the present, from focusing on ourselves.

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When people get in that loop of of being jealous.

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It's like they can't help themselves, but they just kept keep getting reeled in. And with the example of social media, like the more that they fall into, like that quicksand of the, just, the more they spend time on social media, the less time that they're able to do their day to day activities, the less time they're able to focus on themselves and make themselves better. And so they feel like they're not doing well with their lives. Because they're, they're not doing like they're just kind of stuck glued to social media. And kind of like not not stalking, but just not being able to let go. But also because they're not able to focus on their their day to day things.

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And like SATA said, it really does affect relationships. If you see somebody online, and you know, their kids are doing wonderfully, but your kids are struggling, or you know, you're having troubles in your marriage, and you see someone

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you know, posting pictures of Mary life, and them having a great time, then sometimes you start to create fights that are not based in reality, it's kind of because your mind is somewhere else. And so you're taking that and this person is just like, Wait, where did that come from? It just creates a whole host of unnecessary issues. And then lastly, like Sarah said, it also impacts your relationship with Allah, you know, jealousy when when it's kind of like, Oh, I wish that this person has that's one thing. But you know, where it gets really dangerous, where it's like, you know, I wish Allah had given that to me. And that's where it becomes like a,

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a very, almost feeling like, Allah is unjust. You know, like, he didn't give me what is that? What it is? Well, well, yeah. Why? I mean, you're starting to question how Allah gives out his His bounties and his blessings.

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Which is, which is problematic, you know, it's when we look at it, that Allah is the provider, and he can give to everyone, you know, in abundance without any limitations. And here, we are almost putting limitations of like, there's like a scarcity mentality, you know, like, oh, well, this person has all this, then Allah can't give it to me, which, as you can imagine, is putting limitations on Allah. And then when we, when we don't have has an event when we don't have like, a positive assumption of Allah and his wisdom and his decree that's going to impact our spiritual health, but and also our, like, our relationship with him as well. Absolutely, absolutely. i And

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that's such a such a powerful point, when we're when we're thinking about the impact spiritually that that jealousy can have, because, you know, like, like, Nigel, you were saying, this idea of, you know, Why did Allah give it to them, he should have given it to me, right? There's almost this expectation that we know better than Allah subhanaw taala nobody consciously thinks that by the way, you know, like, jealousy is a very normal emotion, every single person has experienced it at some point in their lives. And it's very, very, it's very common, a lot of us experience it on a daily basis. But the point of all this is to try and keep it in check to catch the thought process, right.

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So if the thought process is, you know, like, oh, you know, I wish I could have that too. Okay, that's, that's fine, you know, transform it into a diet. That's what the understanding that Aliss Pattana is unlimited in his ability to provide for you, to give you whatever you desire, and it's not even a drop in the in the ocean, right? But the danger is when that thought becomes transformed to something that could be anger toward Allah for not giving it to you, you know, looking at it from the lens of, you know, that Allah subhanaw taala a better place to put it would have been with me, I am more deserving of that. And then and so that can sometimes lead to doubts and questions about

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illicit paradata as Al Hakim, right, that alleged cantata is the most wise. If we truly believe Allah is the most wise then we can believe that there is a reason why I don't have this right now. It doesn't mean I won't have it in the future. I can ask for it. I can work toward it. I can make diet for it. Right? But having that understanding that if I truly believe that Allah Subhana Allah is the most wise that he has true, like just infinite wisdom, then I believe that there is a reason why the

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This person has this right now. And I don't. And so and so that meant changing that mentality can be very helpful in limiting the damage that that naturally occurring jealousy can have, you know, this is the most nuanced conversation I've had on on jealousy. So I appreciate you getting into the weeds of like, when I think of jealousy, I think of okay, I, I'm trying to keep up with the Joneses, I'm always comparing myself to people better than me. And I remember the Hadith of the Prophet SAW Selim saying 11, who are doing a complete amateur dunya that look at those who are worse off, not as those who are better off in this life for in now, because it's more pure for the heart.

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Now, I understand that jealousy is that it leads to this, like I feel discontent with my life. And I never, I'm never content, I'm never happy with what I have. I get that. But there was one thing since the network that you mentioned before, which, for me is new. And it sounds a lot, a lot more serious than I originally anticipated jealousy and you said that it, it puts you into some sort of loop.

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and not only are you no longer present in your life, it just sounds much bigger than than I had originally anticipated your mind just describing that, like, what is that loop that you're talking about? And what are the evils of this jealousy beyond feeling

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unhappy or feeling that concept of discontent? Definitely, and I think this is one of the hidden things about jealousy. So if we were to take a very moderate approach, say, for example, somebody goes online, on social media one hour a day. And during that time, you know, when when our for a lot of people is, it's not that much. And during that time, they feel jealous, they're looking at people's houses, they're looking at people's travels, and all of that, and the research shows that I think it's about 60 60% of people, when they go onto social media feel like other people have better lives than them. So if we were to take that one hour,

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that they are scrolling and just really upset that they don't have what the other people have.

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And this is an hour that they could be doing something else.

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You know, if it's someone who is jealous of like someone getting higher education, or Masters or PhD, this is this could be time that they could be spending studying for an entrance exam. Or if they are looking at other couples, although I wish my marriage was that good. That's an hour they could be spending with their with their spouse, you know, bettering their relationship with their spouse. So that one hour a day, so you multiply it by seven, that's seven hours a week,

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the seven hours a week of that, where the person is investing time in something outside of their control. And I really do believe in the saying that the grass is greener where you water it. The more you're spending, looking at other people that takes time away from you being able to reach your full potential. I feel like that's one of the biggest travesties is that spending spending all this time looking at what other people have, where you could be reaping that the reward, whatever it is that you do, whether it's Qur'an, or reading or setting up some kind of program, seven hours a week, that's about, you know, almost 30 hours a month, you're 28 hours a month, that's a lot of time that

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a person could be potentially benefiting. And it's not even time they enjoy this is time that that's really disruptive and within themselves causing turmoil within within themselves. And then when they get off social media, then we already talked about all the repercussions that it has in relationships, and outside of that time, in practicing Psych and counseling, sorry, it's a bit of a personal question. You don't have to answer it. But in practicing over the last 10 years, both of you

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have you seen, like, what's the worst thing that you've seen? Where you've, you've drawn the conclusion that the root cause was jealousy? Is that a fair question? Am I allowed to ask that?

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Yeah, sure. I mean, you know, as long as our, our, you know, we're very careful in terms of maintaining confidentiality of our of our clients. But jealousy is such a common issue that it touches so many lives. And so, you know, like, I know, in a lot of marriage counseling, that that I've done, it's, you know, it's been a very clear issue. I, you know, I remember very clearly a discussion with with a couple, where the wife, you know, was basically on the verge of, of divorce. She, you know, she had initiated the divorce process. And the reason was, actually because of the shows that she was watching. made her feel really dissatisfied with her husband made her feel like

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you know, there

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men who are much more capable of treating women with much better treatment, and you're not, you're not, you're not fulfilling that for me. And no matter what approaches were taken, it was never enough because this standard was based on something unrealistic and untrue and unreal, right? It wasn't, you know, social media, we know is untrue. But television shows and movies are even more, right. Like, it's even more to, you know, to an extreme oftentimes, right, and so, so all of the media, we have to be really careful about the media consumption, and the impact that it can have on us and our expectations of, of the people in our lives, you know, SubhanAllah. And so and then even

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like individual clients that, you know, that I've worked with, there have been, there's just a lot of dissatisfaction in terms of seeing other people and this their their achievements, and especially somebody who maybe they were in a relationship with in the past, for example, that's always a really hard one, is seeing somebody that you used to be in a relationship with seeing their, again, social media, right? Because how else are you going to find out about this person, it's typically through through social media. So you see their social media profile, you see that they've reached this new step in their career, or you see that they have gotten married before you have gotten married. And

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it leads to such a horrible feeling in the pit of your stomach, and so much discomfort, and it and it leads to you beating up on yourself, wondering what's wrong with me, that this person who did me so wrong, could progress in life before me? Like why would Allah choose them over me? Right? And so it that definitely is something that that's very common that I've seen as well, it's very painful. You guys writing your paper about kind of the deep causes of jealousy, and you talk about low self esteem? My question is, what comes first? Is it that I'm feeling low self esteem, therefore, I'm feeling more jealous. And when I'm scrolling on Instagram, you know, it's kind of just feeding that

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cycle? Or is the jealousy instigating that self esteem?

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So almost everybody experiences jealousy? And I think they did a study. And he said, like, within the past year, usually, you know, 80% of women will report that they experienced sales in the past year, and I think 70% of women, and some say that women experience it more, and others say that, no, perhaps they might be more in tune with their emotions. And so they can reckon they have deeper insight and can recognize pick up on it quicker. So it's very

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However, self esteem has been found to make it worse.

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And, you know, where does low self esteem come from, it can come from a lot of things, it can be from perceived failures or rejections during childhood, it could be parenting styles, if your parents were very rough with you,

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it can be history of of trauma can contribute to low self esteem.

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So just because someone is jealous doesn't necessarily mean they have low self esteem, but definitely low self esteem

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can make

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a jealousy even more because when you have low self esteem, you know, in an in an objective place to make an assessment, you're already feeling low, you already feeling bad about yourself. And so almost by default, everyone everybody else has already looks better. So it's almost kind of like you're you're starting off with that with a head start in terms of in terms of jealousy.

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Is there anything else I can look at? Honestly, like, I'm, I feel like I'm a student at school, just like in the trauma episode in Season One,

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where this is a whole new world. So I appreciate it and connecting jealousy to, you know, a tough childhood. This is all all new stuff to me. So I appreciate you guys taking the time to explain it. Is there anything else that you feel,

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I guess,

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speeds up? Or that strengthens that feeling of jealousy inside of me? Is there anything else inside of me that I need to address? I mean, we're going to talk about Inshallah, in part to some of the practical steps but are there any other things inside of me other than the low self esteem? That you feel? Dr. Jealousy I guess, forward?

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You know, I would say that one of the the most the most profound components in self esteem and, and jealousy and almost any struggle that we might have is our mindset, right? Like the way we think about situations, the way that we perceive the things that that tend to happen to us the way the words that we use when we describe ourselves, the self talk that is constantly going through our heads, all of that contributes to mindset, right and research

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yourself shown that only 10% of our level of contentment in life is related to our circumstances. The other 90% is the mix of genetics, and a mix of mindset and other components, right, but especially mindset, because that's something we have control over. And so you know, low self esteem, a lot of that is a is a real my, among the other factors, right mindset is, is a really big component in it. And one of the reasons that I think it's important to emphasize it is because it really is something that we have power to change, it takes work, but we absolutely have power to change that, right, our brains are constantly changing. And the more we focus on anything, the more

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that becomes a part of our reality. So the more that we choose to focus on how good somebody else's life looks, the more that becomes a part of our reality and the lens through which we start to look at our lives. But the more that we start to, for example, exercise gratitude, or the more that we start to affirm and focus on our strengths, and the strengths of the people in our lives, and the bounties LS pancetta has given us, the more that becomes a part of our reality. So changing our mindset, and the way that we view things is, is I think, a really big component, whether jealousy is stemming from self esteem, or whether self esteem is stemming from jealousy, either way, mindset is

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And I would also like to add, you know, mindset is so important, and being able to take actionable steps towards working towards one's jealousy. But you know, what's really interesting, they found that people who are jealous, especially on social media, sometimes they might start to increase their presence on social media, because they're trying to seek validation. And when they do out of character, things like posting silly things that they wouldn't ordinarily post, then, then people might not like it, or, you know, they might not say anything. And what ends up happening is they, they have more feelings of rejection, and it makes their feelings of self esteem go even lower,

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because like, here, I'm trying to put out these efforts, you know, to like better myself.

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And it's not working fact, like, now I feel worse than before, because I didn't get the validation that I needed. So just like Sarah was saying that, taking the appropriate steps, whether it's, you know, working on your mindset, or practicing gratitude, looking to those who have less than you, that the right steps is really important and kind of like, what can accelerate the jealousy or, you know, religion.

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I want to talk about ungratefulness in a few moments being ungrateful. Because I think that's, that's connected, surely, but just on the low self esteem question. I understand like having low self esteem makes yourself like make makes you compare with others a lot more, and, you know, you feel you feel worse, and but on the other side, if you're feeling very,

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like, you've got a lot of potential and you feel ambitious, doesn't that affect your

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jealousy as well? Like, if I'm ambitious in this life? I know, this is a bit of a weird question, but I'm feeling ambitious. And I have all these expectations for my life, in this dunya. I mean, a lot of these expectations are probably unrealistic, and cannot be achieved. A lot of them can. But you feel like, the more ambitious I am, the more I'm going to be disappointed, the more I feel jealous.

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You know, that's a really good question, Mashallah. Because I think all of it goes back to intention, right? If the if the intention is to

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impress people, right, then disappointment is inevitable, right? So is the expectation that the end result is going to be exactly the way I want it, and I'm going to get the admiration that I'm seeking, then, then yeah, the the disappointment is going to be inevitable. And it's going to be like, what, what MedDRA was talking about that self fulfilling prophecy of like, okay, well, again, it failed. And again, I feel worse about myself and, you know, so it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy, this negative cycle. But if the intention is for the sake of Allah Transalta,

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then then that the expectations are realistic, right, because you're focusing in on putting in effort to better yourself, and knowing that that effort is being seen and witnessed by Allah subhanho data, even if the end result doesn't turn out exactly the way that you anticipated and you might be disappointed like that's a normal feeling. If you don't, if you work really hard, for example, on on an exam or business proposal or something like that, and it doesn't end up the way that you had anticipated that disappointment is normal, but knowing that all of the effort was seen by Allah subhanaw taala really helps us

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As an antidote to, to jealousy in that circumstance, because because you just your intention is, is in the race, I love that. I love that honestly, I feel like Islam liberates us, you know, and helps us with with this particular thing because like, if you were to compare,

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I guess in secular society, it's, it's the result, like I need to have purchased the car or I have to have got the job. And that's kind of the sign of success, whereas I know as a Muslim, if my intention is right, and I'm trying, then, then I have just by trying, I have achieved and I've ticked the box. So I feel like as I said, Islam is liberating in that.

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You guys mentioned

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this disqualifying positives as a common connection to jealousy, do you mind explaining that for me, it just sounds like being ungrateful. The more ungrateful you are, the more jealous you are, have I have I understood that correctly. So

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in the trauma series, where we talk about cognitive distortions, a cognitive distortion is an as an unhealthy way of thinking. And one of the unhealthy ways of thinking, and it's happens to everybody is just happens to, in varying degrees, is something called disqualifying the positives.

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And so what that means is, you know, every day when you're going out in the world, you are experiencing feelings, you're experiencing thoughts, and those turn into schemas of how we view the world around us. And so way we, the outlook that we have,

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it can be positive, it can be negative, but sometimes we can also have certain filters, and disqualifying the positives, that it can be in one of two ways. It's overlooking the positives in both, it can be very specific. So like, you know, my friend and I, we both got A's on the test, but I had to study way harder, because I'm not as smart than she is. So like, it's a very specific comparison, or it can be a very broad one, like, you know, everybody likes him more than they like me. So it is disqualifying the positives and focusing in on

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kind of the negative. So you have one example where you might maybe not get a good grade on an exam or someone says something not nice to you, and you hone in on the on the negative, and then you don't pay attention to that, you know, you you avoided a car accident in the morning, or that, you know, maybe you're not the most popular person at school, but you have a wonderful family that is so incredibly supportive.

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Or that, you know, maybe your spouse is not the wealthiest, but he's the most kind. And he's most, you know, generous in other ways. So it's, it's, it becomes kind of like a filter where you focus in on the negatives, and You disqualify you don't pay attention to all of the positive blessings that you have, or you minimize them.

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Is that it? Like, is that a switch that just happens? Or is there something that leads to kind of getting into that mindset, it can definitely happen over time. And sometimes the more difficult feelings that we experience, the easier it is to fall into that because when you're not feeling good about yourself, or you have low self esteem, or you're sad, or you're anxious, it can snowball. And so especially if you're looking for evidence, then you're gonna whatever you look for, you will find it if you want to look for the good in your life, you're gonna find if you look for the negative,

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you will find that as well. So it starts out slowly, and then it can really build up big time over over time. Yeah, I like the I like the example of like, when we think about the brain, that there are certain pathways in our mind, that are easy to, to walk down, because we're we do it so frequently. So if we often look at what we're lacking in our lives, then that pathway, it's almost like walking through a forest. And it's a very clear trail, right? So it's very easy to walk down that path. But if you're trying to train your brain to do something different to start looking at the positives, that's more difficult, and it takes more practice. So it's like you're walking

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through a forest, but you choose a path that's less traveled, and there are brambles and their branches in the way and you have to kind of cut through that. So the first time it's very hard the second time, it's still hard the third time, it's still hard, but little by little, as you clear that path, it becomes easier and easier to walk down that path because our you know, that's the way all those paths that have created us, you know, that that our brains can change and he you know, he told us that when you are grateful I will increase you and I really believe that this is one of the ways that Allah cantata increases us and goodness when we're grateful is that path toward gratitude

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becomes easier to walk down

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sister Sarah and sister Nashua Zakka hair, I came into this conversation, thinking jealousy is just that discomfort that I have in my life when I see someone else succeed or buy a new car or whatnot, but it is a lot deeper, there's a lot more going on. And it leads to a lot worse than just that feeling of discomfort. It could lead to doubts in Allah subhanaw taala it could lead to much more negative actions, it could lead to a cycle of

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low self esteem. I appreciate you guys unpacking that and Inshallah, that we don't normally do this in doubletake, but we're going to take another episode to explain the just just how to how to get out of the cycle of jealousy and how to address it and how to identify it. Appreciate your time and inshallah we'll see you in part two.