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Have You Completed Half Of Your Deen

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Reda Bedeir

Channel: Reda Bedeir

Episode Notes

Episode Transcript

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Bismillah Alhamdulillah wa salatu

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salam

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ala.

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So

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the talk is entitled Have you completed your vignette?

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Some people might be confused.

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But let me ask a very straightforward question. This is why I have jellybeans in my head?

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How many of you are

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smiling?

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This is going to give you a problem.

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Okay, who is the oldest one right here?

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Chocolate?

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So

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about manage?

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What is managed?

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And

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why would they stay in the West all the time? are happy.

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They see like their dads over time?

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And

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what are

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the reasons? And the goals for marriage? And what should the person married? And how can the person choose happiness

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for the partner?

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And what are some misconceptions about marriage, this is going to be the main

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coverage. Tonight, I started this one time before I was on

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the platform. This is part two for those who have attended part one.

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Just be patient because you're gonna ramp it up to the first part that people who are here for the first time in part one, so they know exactly what we'll be talking about. So these are the main points what

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what should I get married? What should I get out of marriage?

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How can I choose the best spouse? how to go about finding such a spouse? And then we'll get into curriculum curriculums conceptions about applying. So let's start with the first one.

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What is marriage? Marriage in Islam is the only legal relationship between a man and a woman.

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And if you compare this to the culture under which we live today,

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people can have a relationship and starts with something called dating

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in the morning.

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So the idea of

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the relationship between the man and the woman, because it's usually

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as high or high school

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is my friend.

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What's your name? Mo

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COVID used to be common, but now, you know, I've got a discount.

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Because I'm hiding something.

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Okay, so it is level of friendship between the genders.

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Except if you are interested in someone, it ends up by going through the door, not through the window, talking about when it comes to how should they approach marriage. So what's nice is that

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it's the only legal relationship.

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Second, it's a kingdom

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of the man, you know, it might not have

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even been straight here, okay. It's a thing of faith in which there is a man

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and a woman called the queen and they live together in this dunya to end up

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not the way it is, again under the possible to live today. What's the relationship between man and the woman?

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It's always competitive, right? Man is up there. So try

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To compete with

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Allah subhanaw taala criterion number on

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in so

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and as number 13 have lots of panel data set

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talking about Adam

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and Eve are working a lot better than Steve right?

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So lots of other folks and this is by saying

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four numbers at

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the end of which

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all mankind we have created a single layer

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not to

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manipulate one another

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to get to know one another.

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And

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in

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the most honorable amongst

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the most not feeling the most pious those who have

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before

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did I

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know the meaning of

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what happened?

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Okay.

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So

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marriage is a serious commitment, because many people today, and that's why I have noticed, and most of the communities where I live in the West.

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And after three months, or six months, or sometimes a year, they come to me, and the vet says,

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I want to do this anymore. And then the sister says, I think I was not ready.

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So I want to get out of this. It's not a game. It's not an overnight relationship.

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It's not even a word. Some people think it's a sentence, it's a life sentence.

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So when you get into college, you should know that it's not an overnight relationship. It's not a kind of a weekend clinical technical to go home. And that's it. And some people go into marriage thinking, you know, what, marriage is gonna be all fun.

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Together, you know, enjoy.

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And then we'll stablish the right pair together. And life would be very easy and simple. And then one once they get into the marriage, and you know, you have to pay the rent.

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Or you have to buy diapers, oh,

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you have sometimes too delicious to help on the map. So.

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Okay, so it's a big responsibility. This is why I decided, wherever I live, if anybody comes to me to compute the manage conflict for the master, you have to attend my class about manage and you have to pass it to attend the class. Okay, I'm going to talk and they sit there smiling. How was it wonderful, okay, is it that's

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because you have to know what marriage is all about, from A to Z, so that you know what to expect in marriage.

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Again, we have to understand that the relationship between the man and the woman is that they

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are which means the conflict,

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not the fact that they compete with one another.

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Because when it comes to, again, the culture in which we live, it's like a competition. He has the degree I have to have that.

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5060 everything, notice that the mind is completely responsible for everything.

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Financially, he is obliged to, you know, provide for all the needs of the family.

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If the woman contributes out of her own free will, that's something that she's doing. And this is why we're in the process of them, you know, commanded the young people to

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show up, as we'll be talking in a few minutes, most of our army

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or young men, whoever has the financial and physical means to money, lets you manage,

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swimming.

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So you can just start running, and then you live in the basement of your dad. And they expect you to pay the money for me.

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Because they're going to make the decisions for you. Because they get interfering everything in your life.

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If you want to start a new family and be happy, you have to be independent. I'm not saying to cut off your relationship with your parents, no, but to be independent, because most of the problems and most of the divorces happen because of the interference of the in laws.

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And when people don't know the difference between the inflows and

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outflows of almost one.

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So if we understand that the relationship between the man and the woman and establish that they complete one another, not that they compete with one another, they established establish that relationship upon the pillar that was

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specified, as you will see, in the coming slides.

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You have to answer all these questions before you complete the

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work. What

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was marriage? As we talked about? What to expect the marriage? When, when should I get married?

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Why money?

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Because some people don't even know the goals of marriage. They never get to one go to Worlds, there are so many benefits. So we'll see.

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How, how should I approach the idea of mileage?

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Who should I marry?

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And also watch the delivery?

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We're gonna be talking about so is it important to answer all these questions before I departed? Yes.

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Once I get back,

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the promises have answered this question in the hurry.

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just telling you about all young men.

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Why can the professor say

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that?

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When they say oh, young men and women, because who's supposed to be proposing who's supposed to take the initiative when it comes to marriage?

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Right. But one of the misconceptions can a woman propose to add

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tension? Yes, yes. As another signal.

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Okay, so we have a liberal schools and a conservative school. Let's talk about this because this is the misconception, but to tell you the right answer is yes. For how we're going to talk about

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that.

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So the purpose of this because it is suppose the default is that the man is the one who

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has the upper hand he is the one who goes and proposes okay.

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So this was

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all young men.

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So it means the financial and the physical means he is physically mature, and is financially able to provide for the family.

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So let him marry. Why?

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Because it helps the person to lower his gaze and to keep chased.

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Then the

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knew that there will be some young people who will not be able. So as long as you're not able to wait, this is why we're answering the question, when should I get money? Is it for men

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and for those who do not have the financial means, or they're not physically, you know, mature,

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that it was sold for

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them fast because fasting would be like a shield for them to fall into the power.

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So this is the answer from the processor, which is

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After which you can analyze this. So, the person should be, we should look about we should look for maturity. And we will say maturity it means physically, also emotionally, mentally, and financially. And you have to have these four, very clear in your mind, because some people are physically mature, but mentally they are not.

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Some people are physically mature, but emotionally they are not.

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And some people have the three, but they're not financially ready.

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And these are recipes for the failure of the mind.

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Because sometimes

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people even don't know the differences between how

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men

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because men, by nature are more visual than audio. But women are more of you than visual. What does this mean?

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The way to the woman's heart passes through the ears. And this is why sometimes you find a very beautiful woman might be happy man.

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Simply because he's a sweet talker. He gets lots of love.

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He knows how to always express his emotions, because we are used in our culture, not to express our emotions.

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Right?

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They will never agree. I'll give me an example.

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You know, I've

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so many of the problems that come to me, the spouses, they would come. And no one would say, you know, he never talks to me. This

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is an emotional breakdown. There's no communication for the last 10 years.

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He doesn't express his emotions to me.

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So

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I asked him, I remember one time.

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I asked the man I said, When was the last time that your wife I love you.

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You want me to say to my wife, I love you.

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What's the neighbor?

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Even in southern Minnesota?

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Why?

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Why do you know that women love by the ears.

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And then I told them I said, our beloved Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam expressed his emotions to Isaiah in front of

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Morocco,

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in order to pay one time for one of the expeditions and use the leader. And because the process Sahaba in a failed way is to smile at them, when he talks to them is to look at all of the what is Poppy. So every single person thought that his life past the most.

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And I was one of them.

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So he came from the expedition, he was victorious. Sikkim in front of everyone, he said,

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Who is the most relevant one to your heart in front of everyone. He said

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the name he didn't say my wife. Today, we don't say the name of the wife of the mother and the mothers is walking the street explosive, most of our body, so ashamed to say the name that is exposing the body.

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You see the politics and understanding in the culture.

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I saw this with my own eyes. One time I was walking in the streets of Cairo, and somebody was calling his mother

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and the man in the bathroom.

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And then all of a sudden a woman came and she's just like, you know, in a way that's not appropriate to come in and be like,

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should you want me to say the name of my mother

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around the terminal exposing the body.

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This is culture who said that we know the names of all the ones

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who know the name.

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Change the culture. So they don't feel ashamed to say I don't like each other most. Listen, there's something even more embarrassing than he said.

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I don't mean amongst the men

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Women

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have said,

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so please change the culture, because it makes them

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want to know the end of the story.

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There's a possible divide.

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Okay. So again, men should know the big difference between the way.

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Whereas, you know, when we say women walk by the IRS will walk by their eyes, you want to see something beautiful.

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And this is why one of the main complaints that come to me is that the sisters after what, you know, 567 years of marriage, she gets to, you know,

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she gets so busy with

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them for hours an hour.

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She put some weight, you know, she put this to adorn herself for her husband, she comes back home, and you know, it's like still in the sort of the kitchen with garlic.

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Hey, honey, we'll come back. We're gonna say later later.

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You know what he does? He goes to the room comes out. And the 24 year old pajamas. He never changed those two jobs for 24 years. And he comes out.

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She buys him stuff and she was thrown away.

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We need to divide our life. Okay.

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If you want to see her

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beautiful, you should also look

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around the man. Okay. So what

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if not bad for the university, like

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photos like this?

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And

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he was like, you know, combing his hair, and like, you know, wearing perfume. And he said, Now, this is the

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one

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roof

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that exactly entitled to what you want from them with kindness in the way you treat them. So if you want to look beautiful, the beautiful.

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Okay, do this.

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Because sometimes you become very negative. and sisters, they don't know this. And this is why, you know, when they

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watch the movie, and they don't they watch it when he watches the movie. You know, usually when a woman comes

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right?

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To the house when they do this.

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And he is charged they are like outside in the street at work industry with St. Louis. So you have to be the best.

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So we need to understand this. So when I talk about maturity, I'm talking about physically, emotionally, mentally, and financial

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assistance. don't hear this. Okay. Brothers. Do you know what a woman needs from marriage?

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This is very important to know.

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Secrets. The woman expects a triple a password.

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A triple A husband you normally when you go to school, you know a students are the best. Right? So they want a lot they want a hospitalist.

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But I don't mean that.

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When I say AAA each A stands for something.

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woman looked for affection. That's what I was saying.

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How much does Jesus say about

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how long does it take you to talk to your boss over the phone? Sometimes 55 minutes. Can you give five seconds you're right on the way back home. So

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you make the day

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even those Three little monkeys are at the phone. They're giving her a hard time for hours and hours. Once she hears that statement

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or at least he thinks about me before coming

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Have,

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you might buy a flower for 50 cents, and about cheap sometimes.

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Okay?

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If you had a fight that

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that flower will solve all the problems,

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not how much cheaper sorry, how much is the flower, which is going to think, again, thank you for the gift, not for how much is it

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that we thought about.

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So the first day is called a picture, showing the above in words, and in action.

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The second day

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is called attention.

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You know, your wife, even though she's having a hard time, if she works, and she's having a hard time, you know, when she has, like, you know, hard work with the kids at home too. And then she tries her best. After eight hours, you're away from the house, and she's, she's waiting for you, and you open the door, and she's waiting for you, you know, nicely dressed, smells nice with a smile on the face. And he goes,

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why she don't love this,

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she wants your attention.

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Again, some of us because we have a problem at work.

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from work,

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you should leave your problems at work outside the house. Or at least if you want to discuss it to get some advice from your partner in life. Maybe you just come back home with

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a smile

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is not

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so

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much. So when you smile, even though you have problems at work, she would appreciate that. Okay.

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With a salon to stay in the house, and then a smile.

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And just say

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I missed you the whole

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time said the lie. Lie Why is permissible? And the emotional?

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What do you mean

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to

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say

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this is what I'm saying? And don't stop in the, in the emotional fog. So for example, for example,

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you know, when,

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as I said before, when the woman you know, has like two or three children just starts putting up some weight.

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Right? So the men become very harsh. Instead of saying,

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you know what, like, you know, you don't look healthy.

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Fit,

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you know, you just let him to take care of yourself

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and

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to be invited, and then encourage her to go to a gym or to do something, take some steps, okay.

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But we blame them for that. Even though some of the drama happens to them. They become seven months pregnant.

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Okay, but here's the big problem because women deliver by the end of the day,

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but will never deliver.

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So what about you on demand?

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So always think about the other party will always think about yourself.

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Thank you.

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Okay, so the third egg is called appreciation.

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So it's not by the way, it's not wrong. What is permissible between the two spouses. When it comes to the emotional It's not wrong, for example, to say to your wife, you're the most beautiful person on earth.

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When in fact, she's not

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because she's gonna say in return, you're the most handsome man on earth.

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And you're like seven months pregnant.

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Okay, so there's nothing wrong in life when it comes to the emotional or when it comes to threats of violence.

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appreciation, appreciation,

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he or she will be killing himself for hours in the kitchen to do the distance divide. And then he come home, and he sit and eat, and just let him just leave. And sometimes she has to be one of the kids to say, thank you so much.

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You might think,

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how much will this cost you, this guy can appreciate you appreciate what she's doing. She spent four hours to prep me for you.

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to please you, to make you smile to make you happy. And then you eat me. And sometimes

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that's what you notice, what about the rest of the food?

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Because you want to

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stop being negative, appreciate something that she's doing for you. Also in return,

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you know, we must have been staying outside the house doing two jobs, two, sometimes three jobs.

00:31:10--> 00:31:15

Because you provide for our needs, does that provide provided us with a place to live?

00:31:18--> 00:31:24

It goes both ways. But what I'm saying here, we're asking about what women care about most.

00:31:26--> 00:31:30

That's what a man would do like a bonus, after the triple A

00:31:31--> 00:31:40

accept that sometimes, as I said, you know, we go through things in our lives. Sometimes the woman becomes sick or the man becomes sick, because of

00:31:42--> 00:31:45

the relationship that they have, you know, we accept each other.

00:31:47--> 00:31:47

Stop

00:31:48--> 00:31:50

stopping the time.

00:31:52--> 00:32:00

And do what you can do as a human being to change the situation, but then accept the person because, you know, this is the way it is.

00:32:04--> 00:32:05

What about plenty

00:32:06--> 00:32:11

of existence, to know what many are domain knowledge.

00:32:15--> 00:32:24

This is very important. You know, the man wants to know that he's in control is the head of the house. He wants to feel this whole time.

00:32:26--> 00:32:26

And this is why

00:32:28--> 00:32:28

I

00:32:34--> 00:32:39

always say establish a woman so power is a whole bunch of old women and

00:32:40--> 00:32:44

men. Isn't this amazing? robots dictate

00:32:45--> 00:32:48

everything about women and the rights

00:32:51--> 00:32:57

in this number 30 for lots of purposes, and return home.

00:32:59--> 00:33:15

And unfortunately, some people misinterpreted and Miss translate this is, for example, if you go to the translation of what your mama told, he said, Men are superior to women. This is how translations

00:33:18--> 00:33:19

are meaningless.

00:33:26--> 00:33:29

So the first translation for the word poem in October

00:33:32--> 00:33:36

is men are maintainers and predictors of woman

00:33:38--> 00:33:45

to maintain means to provide for and to protect against any evil

00:33:47--> 00:33:48

in any part

00:33:49--> 00:33:50

of the public, which is

00:33:51--> 00:33:52

our job

00:33:54--> 00:33:59

specifies the job of the believer in this dunya it's so number 66

00:34:01--> 00:34:08

you have children. We've had four or five comforts of coolness of the eye, and you have a moral community.

00:34:10--> 00:34:11

Because if we don't have

00:34:12--> 00:34:23

will have taken and we are taking, we'll have 44 million single mothers living in the only superpower in the world is moms. This is the follow up.

00:34:25--> 00:34:27

So we have a more community.

00:34:28--> 00:34:39

And we have children most of the children. According to studies in psychology, most of the children who become criminals are the children who are the fruit of that illegal relationship.

00:34:41--> 00:34:46

Because when they come to the community didn't have a dad or a mom most of the time because they throw them somewhere.

00:34:48--> 00:34:50

So they want to be pinched from people.

00:34:52--> 00:34:54

But if somebody is raised

00:34:55--> 00:34:59

in a legal relationship in a healthy relationship, they're supposed to be good.

00:35:00--> 00:35:02

members of the community. So

00:35:06--> 00:35:08

what shall we get out of marriage?

00:35:10--> 00:35:16

in sort of football for over 25 and over 74 describes, and

00:35:17--> 00:35:25

there are many parts of them. Is it one of the qualities, you know, is that the big bar and those who say,

00:35:27--> 00:35:28

Our Lord,

00:35:30--> 00:35:34

bestow on us from our wives have learned as well, Gina,

00:35:36--> 00:35:39

you know, the corners of our eyes, many children

00:35:41--> 00:35:41

watch

00:35:43--> 00:35:47

the movie in a manner and make us leaders to those who have.

00:35:49--> 00:35:55

It's very, very beautiful. He didn't say what I'm talking about.

00:35:59--> 00:36:00

When you ask

00:36:02--> 00:36:07

for the highest, how can somebody be the leaders of the pious,

00:36:08--> 00:36:08

pious

00:36:11--> 00:36:13

You see, the aim here to China

00:36:15--> 00:36:26

are amongst the most again, don't make us live in a manner, but the readers of the topic. So we have to be and we'll have so many we'll

00:36:29--> 00:36:38

see how his time is encouraging to be a good member of the committee and all people around. So, this is one of the fruits of

00:36:39--> 00:36:47

your wife, your husband, children, who are in the comfort of the eye of the coolness of the eyes, and you will end up having

00:36:49--> 00:36:49

So,

00:36:52--> 00:36:54

what else do I get out of manage

00:36:55--> 00:36:56

quality here

00:36:58--> 00:36:58

love

00:36:59--> 00:37:00

mercy

00:37:02--> 00:37:02

room

00:37:03--> 00:37:04

you will find a lot of

00:37:06--> 00:37:06

it

00:37:08--> 00:37:11

2018

00:37:16--> 00:37:24

and one of the signs of a loss of data is that he created for you from you why because he was part of it.

00:37:26--> 00:37:29

Right? So you respond to him?

00:37:30--> 00:37:33

He was part of it. How intimate is that?

00:37:37--> 00:37:39

And then I mentioned the two pillars.

00:37:41--> 00:37:41

He said

00:37:43--> 00:37:44

and he plays the heart

00:37:46--> 00:37:46

what's

00:37:47--> 00:37:49

the highest degree of love

00:37:54--> 00:37:55

Okay, if I say the word

00:37:58--> 00:38:00

love how would you translate this

00:38:03--> 00:38:04

write a lot of

00:38:06--> 00:38:06

hope but

00:38:08--> 00:38:09

you know why?

00:38:10--> 00:38:18

Because it's the highest use of the word the word that is the highest deliver this is why one of the names of Allah subhanaw taala is at the bottom

00:38:20--> 00:38:29

is the highest deliver because what is the most even though we used to survey them, but he still forgives us and is waiting for us to go back to them.

00:38:33--> 00:38:36

And we can you can see this at the beginning of marriage

00:38:39--> 00:38:55

engagement before right and this is equal to right but with certain restrictions. So during the engagement phase you can see this law and you can see the slaughter in the first year but maybe gradually second your budget becomes

00:38:57--> 00:39:01

and then sometimes that goes to the children and you will find a way of

00:39:03--> 00:39:05

living with him only because of the children

00:39:09--> 00:39:11

okay when he hears that he said like what

00:39:13--> 00:39:17

Okay, why? Because the power they are not limited

00:39:26--> 00:39:26

by

00:39:30--> 00:39:31

the past

00:39:34--> 00:39:35

which will generally

00:39:37--> 00:39:39

fall short they

00:39:40--> 00:39:41

come on

00:39:42--> 00:39:47

the train. What do you think he's gonna do if he even brings his bs

00:39:50--> 00:39:51

the day

00:40:08--> 00:40:09

Okay, let's do this.

00:40:12--> 00:40:12

Okay.

00:40:16--> 00:40:17

What do you think about this? I'm just kidding.

00:40:18--> 00:40:26

Okay? What do you look for, in a husband or wife, it should come from both ways. And then get

00:40:27--> 00:40:29

to know exactly how he would

00:40:31--> 00:40:32

be what

00:40:33--> 00:40:47

your life or even is now my cousin is a very good person. She has no idea that he should do something. He always expects the staff to do something for him. So you can tell about the character of the person? If it's not something to

00:40:50--> 00:40:53

tell me the last time you got it, and why?

00:40:55--> 00:40:56

When my dad

00:40:58--> 00:41:09

So you knew how silly the person is, or what I just had her for two days, because I was sick. So you can know the person that you're going to deal with?

00:41:12--> 00:41:18

What am I upset with me, I couldn't sleep. As I was, I was really, really angry with myself.

00:41:21--> 00:41:30

When I missed my word of the day, before I speak every day, so you can know what type of person they're going to be living the rest of your life?

00:41:32--> 00:41:34

What's the hardest thing for you to follow?

00:41:36--> 00:41:37

And why?

00:41:41--> 00:41:43

How often do you wake up for pleasure?

00:41:48--> 00:41:48

So you can tell

00:41:52--> 00:42:00

if you were to invite a group of people to a wedding, whether it be your friends, or family, why? Because some people sometimes Unfortunately, they are ashamed

00:42:03--> 00:42:03

to hide?

00:42:11--> 00:42:19

Are you a better listener, or a speaker? And you can you can tell during the engagement that somebody never gives you the chance to speak?

00:42:20--> 00:42:26

You know what I just want, but let me tell you, and this can I of course, you can. Let me finish.

00:42:28--> 00:42:28

Oh, my goodness.

00:42:30--> 00:42:35

Give me a chance to talk. Okay, so that will give you an idea.

00:42:38--> 00:42:44

Some more questions. If you get into an argument, how do you sit, separate,

00:42:45--> 00:42:47

get out of the house,

00:42:48--> 00:42:49

or go live online.

00:42:52--> 00:42:59

Or when we have a blocks of time or die as our judge and processor as I mentioned,

00:43:00--> 00:43:00

before I

00:43:05--> 00:43:05

even go

00:43:09--> 00:43:09

for

00:43:12--> 00:43:14

what was so important to

00:43:16--> 00:43:17

your true believers.

00:43:18--> 00:43:26

Take all your problems back to Allah. This is why I always say in marriage, if there are any problems, take them back to the man who feels

00:43:28--> 00:43:30

to take him to the angels.

00:43:31--> 00:43:34

Because sometimes that interferes.

00:43:36--> 00:43:37

Make it more work.

00:43:41--> 00:43:47

Would you like to be independent or to be taken care of. So you know, the fact that you're going to be dealing with

00:43:48--> 00:43:50

some people say you know, my mom, she always

00:43:51--> 00:43:53

makes decisions for me.

00:44:05--> 00:44:08

When you are upset, how do you communicate?

00:44:10--> 00:44:12

When you start yelling and hitting?

00:44:13--> 00:44:17

Respect the person and might just like be silent or leave the house or

00:44:19--> 00:44:21

change the position. And then later on,

00:44:22--> 00:44:22

we'll

00:44:23--> 00:44:25

discuss things wisely.

00:44:28--> 00:44:34

If something is bothering you, how long would it take you to bring it up? Some people keep it for ages.

00:44:36--> 00:44:43

And you always remind him that when you fight and then the fight is over, and fights are the spice of life anyway.

00:44:44--> 00:44:47

Okay, so when there's a fight,

00:44:48--> 00:44:57

and also that the husband was wrong, he brings like your submissive role, or whatever it is. You know? It's like I'm sorry.

00:44:58--> 00:44:59

Okay. Forgive me.

00:45:01--> 00:45:03

And then the next month.

00:45:06--> 00:45:11

And there's another fight and the word starts. And then the man.

00:45:12--> 00:45:13

Again.

00:45:15--> 00:45:19

I'm sorry, but last month, please will you forgive me? Yeah.

00:45:22--> 00:45:25

And this difference between young and young

00:45:27--> 00:45:28

is to forgive but to keep them

00:45:30--> 00:45:30

from the heart.

00:45:32--> 00:45:35

So we should learn how to forgive and forgive because allowing,

00:45:39--> 00:45:39

he didn't say.

00:45:41--> 00:45:43

So we should learn how to forgive and

00:45:46--> 00:45:46

forget.

00:45:47--> 00:46:00

And don't keep it for a long time, because one of the big problems in marriages is that we live very small things to pile up until they build a wall between the hospital and it becomes no communication.

00:46:04--> 00:46:08

But if you bring it up in a nice way, after a week or something, it's killed.

00:46:09--> 00:46:09

While

00:46:13--> 00:46:14

watching worst habit

00:46:18--> 00:46:20

is a one day one they used to pray about seeing the light

00:46:23--> 00:46:24

in

00:46:26--> 00:46:34

the light, right. So and and the wife would take this for like, you know, a week or two among two seconds mechanic in order

00:46:36--> 00:46:48

to talk to you and the pulse of the industry here. Okay, and then next day, same thing, the same thing. So these things, okay. And we have to be considerate of other people's feelings.

00:46:51--> 00:46:56

So know your, you know, your worst habits and try to get rid of them?

00:46:58--> 00:46:59

What's your banking account number

00:47:06--> 00:47:08

of misconceptions about mental

00:47:11--> 00:47:15

power proposed to a man, I asked this question in the beginning, the answer is yes.

00:47:16--> 00:47:20

But because sometimes what comes up above negates

00:47:23--> 00:47:26

how to speed up by for example, let's say that,

00:47:28--> 00:47:30

okay. And that's

00:47:31--> 00:47:42

in that family is a good man. And he's going to be a good person. So she can approach her father, or brother or uncle and say, you know, that

00:47:44--> 00:47:48

I would like to marry a man like him. So he's interested, I was

00:47:49--> 00:47:49

particularly

00:47:51--> 00:47:51

interested.

00:47:53--> 00:47:56

Because the most distinguishing thing a woman is

00:47:58--> 00:48:06

the shape, okay? And can a man go and try to find a husband for his daughter?

00:48:08--> 00:48:09

That would help

00:48:11--> 00:48:16

her husband, if he went to work alone? And he asked him

00:48:21--> 00:48:23

and he didn't say anything.

00:48:28--> 00:48:32

And then he went on to say that, would you marry my daughter? And

00:48:34--> 00:48:34

he said,

00:48:35--> 00:48:36

I was more upset.

00:48:37--> 00:48:39

At least above didn't say anything.

00:48:41--> 00:48:42

And then he said, I will.

00:48:44--> 00:48:45

I propose to

00:48:49--> 00:48:50

sit No.

00:48:55--> 00:48:56

House some

00:48:59--> 00:49:00

kind of model.

00:49:04--> 00:49:05

Because the demand

00:49:11--> 00:49:18

and supply what would they asked you that when you asked her? Later on, he said, Why didn't you talk with him? Because I heard

00:49:20--> 00:49:24

he mentioned the name one time, but why it's my phone.

00:49:25--> 00:49:25

And

00:49:27--> 00:49:27

I was like,

00:49:33--> 00:49:38

does culture matter in marriage? It does, as long as it does.

00:49:40--> 00:49:44

Today, we respect culture more than we respect

00:49:46--> 00:49:47

and everything.

00:49:48--> 00:49:49

Unfortunately,

00:49:51--> 00:49:56

tip those that who Alaska Have mercy on so we need always to ask a lot.

00:49:57--> 00:49:59

Then whatever we do culture that does not

00:50:00--> 00:50:02

During the day, we'll probably like one, give me an example.

00:50:06--> 00:50:15

This is culture, right? And some people don't know they put the rain even in the right hand side if the person is engaged

00:50:17--> 00:50:24

and engaged with the movement to the left, and you know, sometimes will become very serious about the

00:50:28--> 00:50:30

cage in prison, okay, so.

00:50:31--> 00:50:35

So the idea is this is culture, okay? Does this

00:50:37--> 00:50:37

work?

00:50:40--> 00:50:42

But if it becomes, either because

00:50:43--> 00:50:47

some of this concert, some people what they do, they write the names.

00:50:48--> 00:50:49

So she would write his name.

00:50:53--> 00:51:03

And then they think when you do this, if he takes it off his head, something will happen to them. That's very dangerous. If you believe that this

00:51:04--> 00:51:09

will be the only means that will keep your husband. So you believe that this is equal to

00:51:10--> 00:51:10

Allah.

00:51:12--> 00:51:12

Allah

00:51:14--> 00:51:22

is just culture. Okay, so the culture does not fit. That's fine. But if it becomes Arkema, then no, no way.

00:51:25--> 00:51:28

Should the story proceed the right, this is

00:51:30--> 00:51:35

what will lie you a module I'm telling you, most of the mannequins that were based on that.

00:51:38--> 00:51:46

And we almost did this from the Romans, who always did this, because we watch lots of movies, which are never, never ever.

00:51:47--> 00:51:48

And in fact,

00:51:49--> 00:52:11

they make it impossible for people to think about money, because you see that, you know, the palace in the mansion they live in, you know, and you see how, you know, they do lots of power before they get ready. Because they don't want to mother for a long time without the knowledge of the power. And they might end up doing harm. And that, you know, man sometimes leaves her.

00:52:14--> 00:52:18

So the best way is to do things the right way.

00:52:19--> 00:52:24

And what he loved comes and grows along with the decision.

00:52:26--> 00:52:37

As long as you made the right choice from the beginning, if you choose the woman who has been as a priority, everything else comes second. And if you choose the man who has the

00:52:39--> 00:52:53

love will grow and grow and grow, and your wife will be very happy. And what's more important, as I said, at the very beginning, what's Spanish, it's the kingdom of faith. Ah, the man is the king, and the woman is the queen, and they end up tripping over.

00:52:57--> 00:53:01

So it was a fight about the money. And you know, this and that.

00:53:04--> 00:53:06

Does application level and age matter?

00:53:08--> 00:53:09

Most of the time these

00:53:11--> 00:53:33

people are compatible. This is very important when it comes to the social class. When it comes to the age when it comes to the education. Does this mean it's hard for example, but for somebody like no one has a PhD and one has like a university degree only or vice versa? No, sometimes an illiterate person is wiser and more experienced in life than somebody.

00:53:35--> 00:53:41

But I'm not saying that this is the default. Okay? Age also, it's very important to have a minimum

00:53:42--> 00:53:53

of three years, usually the values over five years, seven years but more than that sometimes they belong to two different generations don't think the same way. just mean that it is like an

00:53:55--> 00:53:58

age ready to always fail? No.

00:54:01--> 00:54:02

It's very important.

00:54:03--> 00:54:10

Does the value flex how much he loves me? The more he pays, the more he loves me know?

00:54:12--> 00:54:12

The list

00:54:17--> 00:54:18

of Fatuma

00:54:21--> 00:54:23

was even worse.

00:54:25--> 00:54:28

What did you find this today? Well, now's the time

00:54:30--> 00:54:31

for a system that was reserved.

00:54:32--> 00:54:34

And when I asked him

00:54:36--> 00:54:41

I said How much do you want to I want him to buy for most of them and

00:54:45--> 00:54:46

I said okay, and

00:54:48--> 00:54:50

I thought that this was like the beginning of the story.

00:54:52--> 00:54:58

As I wish our sisters would come and learn something from him, because they sit cross legged and say 50,000

00:55:03--> 00:55:11

Okay, are newspapers online chatting matrimonial services safe voice a bit

00:55:15--> 00:55:28

because most of what's available First of all, you know everybody you know in the newspaper when they put an ad which is like an old fashioned way but sometimes it's still there you know hearing the truth about themselves

00:55:29--> 00:55:33

and sometimes a line like a funny situation there was a brother who was very blunt

00:55:34--> 00:55:35

he said Moses

00:55:36--> 00:55:39

a farmer wants to live Okay.

00:55:40--> 00:55:43

And then he put some specifications and then he said we forgot

00:55:46--> 00:55:49

that it's preferable that you have a tractor because he wants this to happen

00:55:52--> 00:55:56

and then he said she doesn't have to put a picture but you can put the picture

00:55:59--> 00:56:00

online chatting Of course

00:56:02--> 00:56:02

because

00:56:04--> 00:56:08

why I say we talk to me as a third person.

00:56:12--> 00:56:22

So you must be selling something emotional, which is is your finances okay? In the emails if you if you send emails you know a third party should be copied

00:56:24--> 00:56:41

just to make sure that there is nothing there inappropriate being said okay, but mostly the phone calls all these like you know, like means of communication, what do you say that whatever pictures are posted them and this is when the beginning once I found

00:56:45--> 00:56:50

the in laws abused their authority, most of the time they do

00:56:51--> 00:57:03

and this is why I'm saying you can you can get some tips from them, but don't ever take the province to the in laws with respect to them because you will always be biased. I will be biased to my daughter

00:57:04--> 00:57:05

and he will be biased

00:57:06--> 00:57:08

in a 5% this is top

00:57:09--> 00:57:18

so always take it to Allah and that we will be broken. Who would like to do this for somebody who's like a social worker from inside background? Right?

00:57:20--> 00:57:29

At least you will analyze it was like, No, you're right. You're You're wrong Smith, you need to go back for a walk and make over an abuser of yours now.

00:57:44--> 00:57:45

For the sisters

00:57:50--> 00:57:51

you don't have one brother

00:57:55--> 00:57:55

okay.

00:58:11--> 00:58:13

But it's kind of a very different

00:58:27--> 00:58:28

Okay, let's

00:58:29--> 00:58:30

go to this problem.

00:58:37--> 00:58:42

Okay. So, brothers, often a non Muslim is asking him Why

00:58:43--> 00:58:47

you know, cousins can right. And whereas other religions

00:58:49--> 00:58:51

you know, the reason that says you know,

00:58:53--> 00:58:53

cousins,

00:58:54--> 00:58:59

even even if some people claim to be Christians, as you mentioned, and they talk,

00:59:00--> 00:59:03

they talk about 20 which is to talk about

00:59:06--> 00:59:07

even having

00:59:08--> 00:59:15

more than one wife, whereas there's nothing in the book that stops after the Pakistan talks about that, you know,

00:59:17--> 00:59:18

it says that you know,

00:59:19--> 00:59:19

the

00:59:27--> 00:59:27

polygamy,

00:59:28--> 00:59:29

okay.

00:59:30--> 00:59:32

You know about sorry about

00:59:33--> 00:59:33

your

00:59:35--> 00:59:38

10 songs from one wife and us

00:59:39--> 00:59:42

from the other wife, quality score, so that is just like

00:59:43--> 00:59:43

that was

00:59:45--> 00:59:45

just

00:59:53--> 00:59:53

okay.

00:59:57--> 00:59:59

Regarding the parents of potential smokers,

01:00:00--> 01:00:01

Sometimes we wish.

01:00:05--> 01:00:05

So how important

01:00:12--> 01:00:13

both ways.

01:00:15--> 01:00:18

So the same is asking

01:00:21--> 01:00:27

how important that for the parents of the two spouses

01:00:28--> 01:00:35

expected spouses know how important that they should get to know one another? Of course, it's important. Because,

01:00:36--> 01:00:43

as I said before, how would you know that the sister has that, you know, his religious plus?

01:00:44--> 01:00:45

Which is beautiful again?

01:00:48--> 01:00:52

Same thing, how can the other brother is, besides

01:00:53--> 01:00:54

being crazy,

01:00:58--> 01:00:59

but there's no,

01:01:00--> 01:01:23

like set limit of like, no, it has to be like, you know, six months, two years, you know, because usually what people have proposed, and then the job starts, you know, it's the relief of the of the daughter who should go, or the sister should go and check about the brother. And of course, you wouldn't ask them, to ask about them.

01:01:24--> 01:01:36

Once they get an accident, you know, it should be up to the option, and that is the right person for them. And they are convinced that this is the right for him to money.

01:01:38--> 01:01:50

But the responsibility of the money is more important than the responsibility of the site of the hospital, because the hospital is supposed to be like a mature person who can even make his own choice.

01:01:51--> 01:02:02

And his parents both would be like, you know, maybe like sharing something that he doesn't know about her. But he's the dependent and during the match his normal six was the bully and put his hands on

01:02:03--> 01:02:04

his father.

01:02:06--> 01:02:12

But it should be as long as they have enough information that convinces them

01:02:27--> 01:02:29

as you can see, here,

01:02:37--> 01:02:40

of course, but I think I mentioned that, like there's no harm

01:02:42--> 01:02:52

for both of them work. And at that point of time, this would be like mutual agreement between the two. Because as we know, women in STEM

01:02:54--> 01:02:55

brothers thing

01:02:57--> 01:03:03

you talked about the idea of working with the man is responsible for everything about the institution that

01:03:05--> 01:03:12

both of them are working, there is no problem. But it still does not change the fact that the man is responsible for everything, it doesn't work that

01:03:15--> 01:03:55

you know, are not able to be spent in the pharmacy, that doesn't work. Or I'm going to be working, I'm going to be helping, that doesn't work, because the minister bar is talking to the men who will be establishing the house. Okay, and the whole document was figuratively, meaning he's the one who makes the family and spends on the family provides for all the needs of the family. So you can't start a family if you're not financially independent and able to put this in a condition it says those who cannot those who are not able to live the past is able to live. So if the sister and the sister contributes.

01:03:56--> 01:04:11

This is a free world. And it has to be by mutual agreement. For example, let's say she takes eight hours of his time with his kids. So they said I'm gonna give 40% of my income 50% 60% of my income.

01:04:12--> 01:04:15

I'm going to put all my income because you need it now.

01:04:19--> 01:04:21

The real situation where the

01:04:30--> 01:04:31

real

01:04:41--> 01:04:45

Oh, this is something this is something completely different because I was talking about

01:04:47--> 01:04:52

this is meant to bite you tomorrow. The Ideal Husband, what should we do at the house?

01:04:53--> 01:04:59

was the best customer yet. He was the Prophet for me so much.

01:05:00--> 01:05:12

responsibilities yet. He used to clean his clothing, shoes help in the household, errands and stuff. And we're expected to do this. I like what I was saying this in the middle of

01:05:15--> 01:05:26

the American dishes on the map, of course, you should tell. But again, what I'm saying is, it will all end up. Go back to the idea of did you choose the person

01:05:29--> 01:05:29

because,

01:05:30--> 01:05:43

you know, when she's pregnant, he will appreciate the fact that she's but she's not horrible when she's doing the site, which is not normal, you know, which is 60 is not normal, you know, and even which is normal, you just come one day.

01:05:45--> 01:05:56

One day, you know, taking the garbage, the garbage, you're running errands, you know, of course, but it's manage is a company where everybody does what they can. It's not the fact that

01:05:59--> 01:06:00

I just go out to work and that's it.

01:06:02--> 01:06:04

You know, it's like,

01:06:07--> 01:06:08

you can't

01:06:09--> 01:06:10

do

01:06:11--> 01:06:12

it.

01:06:13--> 01:06:16

Tomorrow, what do you do your life here? And

01:06:18--> 01:06:26

if she's not working, sitting at home, and she's on the phone all night, watching movies, and he comes back home, and we don't have kids.

01:06:28--> 01:06:28

Okay?

01:06:31--> 01:06:34

Pizza one time or two times. So I've been doing this

01:06:35--> 01:06:35

all my life.

01:06:37--> 01:06:42

So it has to be both ways. Of course it works both ways. Okay, before you ask the question,

01:06:47--> 01:06:48

you have a comment?

01:06:58--> 01:06:59

Give them three.

01:07:17--> 01:07:17

Shut up.

01:07:26--> 01:07:28

This is the person that comes to me but

01:07:29--> 01:07:40

what if I want to marry someone or but both ways follow the system and the parents are not agreeing because of the culture or because of the diversity or because of the color? What should we do?

01:07:46--> 01:07:47

A lot.

01:08:19--> 01:08:22

entire life in a trance

01:08:24--> 01:08:30

in a state of heedlessness ruffler negligence, in denial.

01:08:33--> 01:08:34

At the count of three

01:08:36--> 01:08:38

you will begin to see the signs

01:08:40--> 01:08:45

321

01:08:55--> 01:08:56

in

01:09:03--> 01:09:05

the count of three,

01:09:06--> 01:09:07

you will be away

01:09:09--> 01:09:15

321