The Rights and Responsibilities of Marriage
Channel: Nouman Ali Khan
File Size: 12.96MB
Ustadh Nouman Ali Khan reflects upon the institution of marriage being about trust from the very beginning and the foundation of two families coming together accompanied by trust, transparency, and openness.
One of the fundamental, central, pivotal Surahs in the Quran about marriage is Surah Nur and in this Surah it first it deals with many varied topics like people who violate the sanctity of marriage, the fornicator, the adulterer. It also deals with the scandal that was started about the marriage of the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ and the accusation made against Aisha R.A also a matter dealing with marriage. It also deals with some rules that should be observed inside the house for instance, “O you who have believed, do not enter houses other than your own houses until you ascertain welcome and greet their inhabitants. “
And then in this same Surah, Allah talks about the Ayat of Noor; the light in the heart. This is the same Surah that talks about the Khimar – the covering of women but everything else seems to be related to marriage and guarding Haya. The most profound passage in the Quran on spirituality is in this same Surah. Why? Because we are being taught that by observing these things we will help our spirituality and violating these things will hurt our spirituality. The light in our hearts will be hurt or damaged if we do not address these things.
Episode Transcript ©
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the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam had many companions.
And many of them are very famous, and some of them not so famous, famous a young man by the name of Fabien case who actually had a hearing disorder, he could only hear from one side of his ear. He used to insist that he sits right next to the messenger, salallahu alaihe salam, so his good ear is on the side of the property for them. So you can hear him as a matter of fact, or sort of law. So I said, I'm used to make extra accommodations for him to sit right next to him. And before I even tell you the subject of my hook, but that's actually a very interesting indication of how Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam would put in the first row people that have any kind of handicap. And
usually we think of people that have a handicap you put them in some other side space, or some other place some special accommodation, this person is sitting next to us who Allah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam. In any case, the story is actually some somewhat interesting, he was late one time, he was late to come to the hotel that the messenger was giving, and his thought was silent. So he kept pushing people to come to the front. And when he's coming to the front, he sees this one. Sahabi, who doesn't know is basically a no name, companion, not famous guy. So he tells him move rudely. Now this the person who has the handicap is now being rude. You say move. And so this hubby refuses to
And he says to him, why don't you move? Who are you? Who do you think you are? violent, everyone. So he calls me Fulani. This is my name. It's interesting that when he mentioned his name, you know, you'd mentioned your name in Arabic. You mentioned who You're the son of, that's how you're identified. So you mentioned and now Fulani been fula. And I'm just so and so's son. He goes, Oh, that one. It'd been full Anna. Oh, your mom is this woman right? Now, these people, their parents are not Muslim. Right? Because they just became Muslim. So their parents are now Muslims. And if they're non Muslims, they have history. They have different kinds of lives. So this is this guy, his
mother, this is a hobbies mother, she used to have a reputation in the, in some shady circles. And the guy, the one who was moving him, remember that, that she's married to that man. So you mentioned her father, his father, he said, Oh, I know your father. But I also know your mother.
And he said it like that. And this is an idea. The idea was to humiliate him to embarrass him to remind him of what his mother used to be like. And this is happening in the front row, as the supervisor was sitting there. So Sam stops the football. And he points to that man. And he says, Mother, I look around you What do you see? He asks the Sahabi who insulted the other side, what do you see?
And he says, He told us word when I when
I see black, I see white I see red. In other words, I see all these different people of different ethnicities, different colors, different races, I see all of them. And then also sizes of bolu and Allah here at Comic Con, the best of you with Allah are the people that have the most taqwa.
In other words are suicidal and crushed. This idea of being able to make fun of someone I'm not saying anything, bro, I'm just saying that's your mom, right?
He was just going to do that much. But also someone stopped him in his tracks. Put it to an end. There's ways to insult people. Sometimes you can insult someone very directly you can curse them out.
Sometimes it's indirect. Sometimes you don't even have to use words to insult someone.
As a matter of fact, the most common way of demeaning someone putting someone down is not even to use words to make a face. You can make a certain you can look at people a certain way. And they can know that you're not welcome. Or they think of you as inferior. You know. So now, our Dean, of course, it tells us what to say and what not to say. But that's not enough. That's just not enough. Because sometimes people can actually use good words and still insult you. There's a way to call someone, brother. And then we say move, Brother, brother. You could say the word brother in a kind way. And you could say the same word brother in a demeaning, condescending way. Just because you're
using the right word doesn't mean you have the right attitude. You guys know those of you that are parents know that all too well. When your children say Salaam to you. There's different ways of things around. There's a way that shows respect, and there's Microsoft
What did you say? This is what?
You didn't say it but that's not how you say, Sarah. You have to Juma is done. You're trying to get to your shoes. You're just trying to push people out the way so you can get to your shoes because you know you have an emergency meeting. people's lives are depending on you. So your shoes are very important. So you're pushing people around and this brother that you push kindly says to you some article
goes on, and you You said something nice May peace be upon you, but there's no peace on your face. There's no peace in the elbow you just threw at him. But you're saying something that you don't mean at all. Now, in light of that these are a few incidents that are mentioned, intercede under the ayah that I shared with you. Yeah, you Hello. Xena Amanullah, yes, harco movement calm. Those of you who have Eman don't let any group any group among you make fun of any other group among you.
Not any group can make fun of any other group.
Now, let's backtrack a little bit before we go further. Let's take a few steps back. This is sort of hoogenraad and Sultan kudarat begins with showing the utmost respect total total loss Allahu alayhi wa sallam lot of follow up flaticon focus Holton Debbie will attach her hula hoop we'll call the coup de Burgh and de la lucam Why
don't you raise your voice above the voice of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam don't you call him like you call just anybody else all your good deeds might be taken away just because you raised your voice and you call them in appropriately. We are being taught the etiquette of dealing with the Messenger of Allah sallallahu alayhi wa salam O Allah O Allah, Rasool Allah, you had better know in your company, the Sahaba are being told the companions are being told in your company. There's the Messenger of Allah watch. It is not just anybody sitting with you. This is the Messenger of Allah sitting with you some Allah hora de Sena, you have to show respect. So first we are taught respect
for Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi salam. Then, as the surah continues, one of the things we're told is in the same
Rasul Allah, He says the same ayah we're lacking the Maha Baba la comunidad Iman was uh, you know, who flew back home alone made a man beautiful in your hearts.
Allah, Allah made a man beloved to you, and he beautified it in your heart. So what does that mean? That means the love we have for a sort of love Salalah Alayhi Salaam is something beautiful we carry inside our hearts. But when you have something beautiful inside your heart,
then it goes out and in our ob MFI under a container gives out what it contains. So what happens when somebody has the love of Rasulullah sallallahu Sallam in their hearts. One of the things that happens then is anybody else who has in their heart mohammadu Rasulullah sallallahu sallam, my heart becomes soft towards them too.
And the only reason for that is I love the messenger so much, I think a lot of Salaam that anybody else who has love for Allah, His Messenger, I have love for them.
That's actually becomes it becomes an indication of my love for Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi salam. So when a Muslim doesn't think twice about making fun of another Muslim, then there is something missing in his love for Allah His Messenger, and he salatu salam.
After all the messenger Allah saw to a Salaam would love all of them the same.
You know, to help you understand this easier to give you a different example. There are people who have lost a parent.
And when you lose a parent, it's a very traumatic thing.
And you want to you miss your dad and you want to remember you want to honor his memory you know what you do? You go visit some of his friends and visiting his friends and showing them respect is the closest thing you have now to the memory of your father. My dad used to love these people, so I love them. Being around these people reminds me of the one I love that I no longer see. That is actually the relationship you and I have with each other we are actually remember reminiscing, remembering the Messenger of Allah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam who is no longer in our midst. It's no longer among us. All we have is the memory of
him that is carried in the each of our hearts. That's what it is. So from that point of view, lions are calm and calm. No one group should be making fun of another group that's understand. So create a little bit. So here in Arabic actually means to make fun. But this these are also means to make fun. This here in Arabic is to put something down or put someone down when you think of someone as less than you. dumber than you
an inferior race than yourself a poorer class than yourself. Not as worthy as you not as qualified as you're not as good as you're not as smart as you not as healthy as you not as strong as you when you think of someone as less in any way.
And then you say something about them whether you're making fun of them or not, but your comments are inspired by the idea that these people are less than me. Even your comments that is that is Soria. That is so Korea. When Allah azza wa jal gave us this beautiful Deen. Then he put the red, the black, the white the skin color didn't matter anymore. And those who love Allah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam would tell us just like a level saying this surah in the Quran, Macaca and Allah He atcom. The most noble among you are the ones that have the most taqwa taqwa of Allah consciousness of Allah is inside the heart, I cannot see it. So what makes you better than me? Or what makes me
better than you is invisible, which means we will never know. We're never going to know that all we can know is we're equal. We stand equal. Somebody has somebody looks very pious, somebody who doesn't look very pious, we have no idea what's going on inside their heart. The guy that looks really religious, maybe really corrupt inside, I don't know.
And the guy or he may be really great. I don't know. I have to give benefit of the doubt in the economic boom. And Allahu Allah took the appearance of the Muslim away from this conversation. We have to treat people equally. We actually can even treat people based on their knowledge. Somebody is a scholar. So you think of them as better and somebody who's not a scholar, you think of them as less No, not in Islam. Not in Islam.
Somebody is a scholar, you can respect their knowledge, that's sure. But they deserve as much respect Has anybody, any other Muslim because what they share that really brings them honor is the top of Allah and the taqwa of Allah, a farmer can have it who knows nothing about Islam, who knows very well only knows by Allah high Lama and that's enough for him. And it could be our animals been studying 50 years he has taqwa of Allah.
You understand? So what do you have inside your heart is what makes you superior to a large religion.
So now, no group should be putting another group down.
And then Allah goes further to say, well, that is our own madness. Ah, no, women should be putting other women down with jokes. No, women should be passing comments about other women unless separated the two. Even though when you say no group should make fun of any other group, it covers everyone men and women. But he's separated it on purpose. And why separated? Because apparently, the way women make fun of each other is very different from the way men make fun of each other.
And each of them can actually very easily justify that they're not doing anything bad. I can give you lots of examples from my home because I have four daughters.
And they make fun of each other in ways that are very creative. I as a guy would never think of it.
Oh, you're wearing pink today.
That's all she says. Hearing pink today. And the other one is offended. Mama. She's making fun of me. I didn't say anything. I just said she's wearing pink
hair, but the way you said it. And the way you looked at her and your intonations and at the end, all of that is part of Sophia.
Are you think that matches?
Oh, okay. Oh, guys, don't do that. No, I don't think it matches and that's why I'm wearing it. You know, that's for guys is different, for girls is different. So let's separate it eliminated a separate issue. And everybody you know, people use language that when you come after them, so no, I didn't say anything. What are you talking about? I was just commenting on the color.
I was just commenting. Hey, did you get that at Walmart?
I was just curious. I wasn't making fun of the fact that you're cheap or you buy cheap. I was just saying I'm curious. Where did you buy the product from? You want to justify it to anybody else you could you can't justify to Allah. You can't, until you can if you're going to justify this to a lead. This is why at the end of this surah he says to Allah Muna la Habib Unicom, you're going to teach your deen, you know better, you're going to run your mouth like that, and then try to get away with it. So Allah you know, I want to give you some examples that are closer to home because this is a problem that should have been solved 1400 years ago, when these IRAs came down, we should have
been the example the oma the Muslim should have been the example to the world of what it means to treat all human beings equally. Yeah, you have national economic means occur in Monza. We're right now talking about Muslims not making fun of other Muslims. But the final conclusion of this surah is all human beings were made from from a male and a female
and you also
reason you're different is so you can get to know each other better and appreciate your diversity. That's all. That's the only reason. But now just give you an example closer to home.
I come from Pakistan, that's my home country. And there in many parts of the Muslim world, you can go to a fancy restaurant. Ironically, a fancy restaurant in Lahore is McDonald's. But anyway, so you go to a fancy restaurant and you're going sitting there you got you dressed up super nice to eat, or, you know, whatever sandwich and you sit in there and then some family some some cab, taxi drivers family, or some security guards family, some Chucky daughter's family comes into the restaurant, and they sit right next to you. You're dressed all nicely and your family's dressed all nice, and you've got your SUV outside and all this stuff. And these guys came on bicycles. They were
in dirty shell Archimedes, and they're sitting next to you speaking loud. They're really excited to be in this restaurant for the first time. Their dad saved up for a few months, so you can take them on a treat. And the family that's sitting there, the posh family that scene is getting uncomfortable, and they're looking at them like Why are they here?
What kind of people do they live in this place?
Even if they don't say a word they're face to face. This is the religion of Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam where everybody's treated equally. You can't even look at another Muslim equally. What are you talking about non Muslims you can even look at another Muslim and this is a fundamental teaching of our Deen fundamental all human beings are equal. They're all children of Adam Allah He said something's wrong in your in your not only your thinking your belief if you can think of someone as inferior. There's something seriously wrong with your Eman. Not to mention the lack of love you may have for a total loss of aloha to us. Hello, liars poker woman calm when Anissa Omen
Nyssa Hassan yaku no Hydra Minami added it may be the people you're making fun of her better than you. Will Anissa Omen Nisa.
Don't let women make fun of other women they may be better than them. Better than them how the girl says What do you mean better look at her clothes. Look at the neighborhood. She lives it look at the car this guy drives he's better than me.
None of that makes you better than anyone. The only thing that makes you better is what's inside what's invisible. And that's only visible to Allah. So you may be making fun of a friend of Allah. And when someone makes fun of a friend of Allah, they become enemies to Allah.
So be careful.
Just be careful.
You know, I not too long ago, I met a brother. He came up to me he wanted to take Shahada.
You know, he's in the Midwest somewhere in Ohio. And he told me that he's been a, you know, white guy. He's been a bartender for his whole life.
And I don't know how he found one of my videos or something on YouTube. And he started watching a bunch of them. And he went through the entire JSON method series that I have done podcast, which is complicated, but he went through the whole thing sitting in the bar, just plugging in the ear, and he's pouring drinks for his friends. Six months, took Shahada
on his own, no Muslim around him.
Actually, he did tell me he has some Muslim friends regulars at the bar.
You know, he asked him a few questions about Islam.
So he takes Shahada and he says, you know, I'm ready to leave this life. I haven't had a drink. a bartender hasn't had a drink for six months.
As an undergrad, when you look at them, you're not going to know this guy has stuff. But I can guarantee you that man has more to offer than most of us. The situation he's in and the way he holds himself back and then he finally quit no savings, no, nothing, he quit. I can't do it anymore. I can't go back.
Even the Sahaba of the Allahu taala in which many were not given the the the IR to quit alcohol right away. They were told to harm and the sin is greater than the benefit and they were told at least don't be drunk when you're about to pray. then years later, they were told to leave it altogether. Allah did not reveal one time leave alcohol. And this man left alcohol on his own once he heard about Islam. Subhana Allah, that's step one. But when you look at him, you wouldn't know you had you'd have no idea.
Don't put people down. Don't think of them as less than you. They may be way better than you are. I saw an akuna Kira minko asagna una hora, Muna. Then he goes on and he says, Well, I tell me to and for second, please pay attention to this part, folks. The is almost done. What I tell me is one four, so it's all one ayah which means this one teaching has one piece of wisdom from Allah. He says law tell me to enforce a common illumise in Arabic or in lums, they say is actually belying the way you look at someone or you wink at someone or you raise your eyebrows and go.
No words, no words, just facial expressions. Did you know In the Quran, some of the people that Allah punishes the worst, their crimes are described as their facial expressions. So my novel from Abba savasana sama bar was taqwa.
He just stared.
The way you could stare at someone to make them feel stupid. Somebody is trying to tell you something, you know, like,
you know what they're saying, but you want them to make the field dumb. So you just are, you're avoiding eye contact, like you're not even listening. Somebody has said it to you. And you're
when you do that, that's known as
when you make someone feel down. When you put someone down just with your facial expressions, not a word, not a word came out of your mouth. And unless has Latin Meizu and forsaken, it's so remarkable. He doesn't say Latin, Latin visa, or Kareem, don't put down others he said, don't put down yourselves, yourselves. When you do that kind of insult. You are actually insulting your own self. You will meet so much better than that. You're insulting yourself and you're inviting others to do that to you. When you treat someone in that way, then you are asking for yourself to be treated that way. This is why the Quran salema and fusi comm for Salim Allah and when you go to
somebody's house, say Salaam to yourselves what does that mean say Salaam to yourselves I thought you say Salaam to someone else. But when you say Salaam to someone else, you know the reaction is going to be what they are going to be saying Salaam to you it's going to be reversed immediately. So he says it's the same as saying Salaam to yourself because the reaction is necessary it's going to happen. And just like that, when you put down someone looked down at someone make facial expressions, it's someone you're condescending towards someone, it will come back to you. Whether that means one full circle. What another possibility? And he goes on and he says and don't call each
other with nicknames. Don't throw nicknames at each other. Hey, fatty. How's it going? Yo wide face or whatever you come up with? No, no, he doesn't mind bro. He's we're dogs. We're good. You don't mind at all? We're good, right? And the guy will say Yeah, sure. No problem. We're good. But he's not good.
A bunch of girls are hanging out together. He You're so short.
Well, she didn't appreciate that you called her short. Even if you added It's so cute at the end.
And even though she may not say anything now, and your friend may not say anything now, there is a day when they're going to be desperate for good deeds on judgment day. And if you have crimes against them, they can take your good deeds. They can take them they may not collect now they'll collect on judgment day. Watch this. This is especially among friends. Don't call each other nicknames. Don't call them nicknames, even nicknames that are not mean. If they don't like a nickname, don't do it. You know, I had a I travel a lot and I was went to this one place where a person doesn't have a lot of respect for I guess personal space. The guy doesn't know me at all.
actually doesn't know me at all. Hey, Nomi How are you? I was like, excuse me?
Oh, no, me. It's okay. I can call you know me, right? I'm sorry. No, you actually you can my mother calls me Norman. So I prefer you coming on, man.
If anybody could call me anything they want that'd be my mom and dad. And you can't?
I didn't say no, it's okay, bro. I don't like it. And if I don't like it, I better tell him now because I'd rather not tell him on Judgement Day.
Fix it now. If somebody's doing that to you fix it. Now. If you're doing it to someone fix it now. We're not the numbers will be less.
And here's the conclusion. Big selling small foo bar delima. How terrible. How terrible is eligible for soup. A corrupt word, the corrupt word, by the man after you have in mind. What is eligible for soup mean? a single word that can be offensive to someone is a horrible thing for anyone who has a man. In other words, filthy language out of your mouth and faith inside your heart cannot coexist. You cannot have a man in your heart which has been beautified say you know who fuku become and ugly words come out of your mouth. If you have no control over you know whatever four letter words you keep using every time you get frustrated, there's a there's a spiritual problem. It's not just a
habit problem. It is a spiritual problem.
The other side of that equation from the same ayah is actually how can you use a terrible word for anyone who has in mind. Anybody who has Yvonne, you cannot use terrible words for them anymore. You can't use bad for words for them anymore. corrupt words are no longer allowed for another Muslim.
It's just not allowed. They said this beautiful soup badly man, woman felt like a human body man and people who don't want to give it up people who don't want to repent and those are the wrongdoers. I wanted to highlight and dedicate this entire whole bunch of this one I have for a simple reason. In our minds, there are some things that are really important in Islam. Prayer is important in Islam. You know, charity is important in Islam, we have an idea of what is really really a big deal in Islam. But you know what, what I like to share with you, the things that Allah makes into a big deal until the in the Quran are a big deal in Islam. This is a big deal. There's a lot of time and Ira
dedicated to the subject, which means start a small matter to Allah. It is not a small matter to Allah. And the way that it's been the continuum. This is the, you know where it's placed is so remarkable in the beginning of this, you know, was the love of the messenger sallallahu sallam, then Allah talked about the most terrible thing, what if what if it happens that Muslims are fighting and killing each other? How should you make peace between them? That was the second subject of this surah. And the third subject of the surah is Don't make fun of each other. Why is that the third subject, because when you make fun of each other, hatred will grow among you. And if it gets out of
hand, eventually you'll be killing each other. It's already happening.
Why do people kill each other? Why do Muslims kill each other, it starts with them thinking of the other race, the other ethnicity, the other village, the other tribe as inferior, as corrupt, as ignorant as something else. And eventually you can have policies that are that are driven by that kind of bias. And as those policies when they get enough out of hand, it can really lead to entire conflict between Muslims. That all began with them making fun of each other. So law identifies the root of the problem. lawyers have come in come
at the end of the surah Allah says something that puts you and me in our in our place in the La Jolla, la vida sumati la basura matamanoa. No doubt about an Allah knows the unseen Secrets of the sky in the earth. And Allah has full view of the things that you do. He has a full picture of what you do, why you say what you say, what you say and how you say he has the full picture. So May Allah azza wa jal make us merciful in our speech, and our attitudes and our gestures towards each other. May Allah give us the courage and the man to seek forgiveness from the people that we've offended. May Allah azza wa jal make us a people that have a soft corner for one another, only and only driven
by the demand we have of Allah and the love we have for the Messenger of Allah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam barakallahu li walakum Philco. Hakeem whenever anyone here can be it was hacking.
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