Hitting Women – That’s Messed Up

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Nouman Ali Khan

Channel: Nouman Ali Khan

Series:

Topics: Women

Episode Notes

Women are prevented from having a space in the masjid, sometimes due to the fear of fitna. But when we stop our wives, sisters, and daughters from coming to the masjid, it will actually lead to a greater fitna.

Episode Transcript

© No part of this transcript may be copied or referenced or transmitted in any way whatsoever. Transcripts are auto-generated and thus will be be inaccurate. We are working on a system to allow volunteers to edit transcripts in a controlled system.


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Things are good things are good. No questions from anybody is something on my mind.

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Something that's been on my mind for a long time. Something that

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we have a big problem with all over the Muslim world, I thought it was like a DC thing. It's not it's all over the Muslim world. It's hitting women, dude. And justifying it from Quran because you know, the ayah says, well, the people who are not and if them. And so using that to say, well, you're obviously allowed to hit women. And when I started looking up this subject,

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I wasn't satisfied with stuff that I read just didn't add up. So I decided to keep on digging. until a couple of years ago, I went to I still remember Professor Abdul Halim in Oxford.

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And I sat with him and I took my foot on questions to him and this was one of them helped me understand this ayah right. And I want to tell you, I want to share with you what I learned from him and my own thoughts on it. But before I do, you know, most of the time when we talk about this if we're like, explaining this to non Muslims,

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which is so in genuine dude,

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we need to have a conversation about this with Muslims.

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This is our faith. This is our book, this is what we believe. I believe every single is perfect. Every single i o could not be any better than it is it's the most beautiful gift of Allah on this earth. No IR should be considered a curse. No IR should be considered negative. Or, you know, why is that here? Yeah. Because if you even question Why is this here you're questioning the idea of Allah revealing himself, like the idea of Allah sending revelation, the greatest gift ever given a rough man holla Quran. The unimaginably merciful is the one who taught to put on like, even if you question are you you think less of one ayah?

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What good is your Eman where to go. So protecting the integrity of this ayah to me is like, fundamental because if you know and Muslim women My name is some women I've met have a problem with desire.

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And their problem their concern is legitimate. But to have a problem with an ayah and you're Muslim.

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There needs to be something resolved here. Because you can have I have a problem understanding the science, which is a little bit different from actually, you know, it's a world different from I have a problem with this.

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You know, that's a that's a crime. Especially, I mean, it's about faith itself, you know, but how does, how does one understand it? That's the thing, right? Let's, let's help people understand it. So first and foremost, every surah is perfect. No, you cannot take an iron out of a surah put it in a different suit. That's the first thing right. So, this belongs to sudo to Nyssa. This means it does not belong in certain Maya or Toba or Baccarat. It belongs in Surah Nisa, and Sultan this is a perfect conversation orchestrated by Allah intended as such. In other words, the first thing when we understand an ayah is which lira is placed in what conversation? Is it a part of? So certainly PSA

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has a number of legal instructions. It talks about another big subject for a lot of people polygamy, it talks about inheritance law, it talks about, you know the the punishment of adultery.

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It talks, the early punishments for adultery, at least it talks about exceptional cases, it talks about who it is, who is it haram for you to marry. Now you know what all of those things have in common.

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Every one of them, the one that talks about them, he talks about most of the most unusual cases. That's the common thread that ties all of these together the most unusual cases. First unusual case, if you were raising four girls

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as orphans.

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And they get gained a certain age and they're not your maximum. They're not part of your family. You're allowed to marry one of them or two of them, or three of them or whatever. Is that a usual case somebody's raising four orphan girls, or even polygamy when it's talked about, which is a separate subject. It's talked about in the most unusual circumstance. You see what I'm saying? Even more unusual. I get uncomfortable even to like to listen. Hopefully Metallica, Maha tokunbo binotto como holla taco, your mother's are haram for you to marry your your aunt's, your daughters are haram for you to marry your answer. I would say that he's not talking about normal circumstances. He's

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talking about psychologically disturbed, weird people out there some crazy case can happen. So this needs to be spelled out. See the thing with law is law is not for law abiding citizens. Actually, laws are for criminals. They cover the periphery of society, not the main center of society. That's what sort of undecided is doing. It's actually covering the outlying crazy case situations. Here's what you're going to do. Now you know how to deal with these extreme situations which are

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Automatically cover covers all the normal situations right? If you keep that in mind, then you get to this ayah and even that's hit them as part of a very long Ayah which begins with men are caretakers of women.

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Now tell me, caretaker oh one, the same words here's a route With the name of Allah you.

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Allah is the caretaker of everything.

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Do you imagine the lives caretaker hitting, striking a part of his care?

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That's not the thought that comes into your mind when you think of taking care.

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It's already being negated as the ayah begins. And what are the authority in what sense of our Mona Lisa? b mufaddal. Allahu Allahu Allah because Allah gave some preference over others. Allah did not say because Allah gave men preference over women. He could have said that it's his words. He could have said bee bee bee mouthful Allahu Allah Allah Nisa, Aviva tola, Houma, La La hin, he could have said it because of my preferred vendor. He said, because they give some preferences to some over others. In other words, women have certain things they have preferences, so I'll give them certain benefits and men were given certain benefits. And in this case, men have been given the

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responsibility of maintaining women. Okay, fine. We'll be mindful minimally him and because of what they spent from their money for slyly how to carnita turn half a lot on little baby, we might have $1 then good women are subservient to Allah. I'm adding to a lot because that's what we'll notice using the Quran is not subservient to their husbands.

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It's a minute everywhere in the Quran, like the alkaloid. carnitine komolika carnitine is every time it's used for Allah, how are you going to say now it's being used for husbands. Good women are subservient to Allah haffi locked in the light guarding their guardians of what is in the unseen, meaning they guard their dignity, and they guard their faith. Even when their husbands not around half as often they leave. That's one of the meanings there are other meanings to be might have a lot on account of what Allah decided that shouldn't be guarded.

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Then he says Now, by the way, so far, they're obedient to Allah. And they guard the chastity of the marriage and their own chastity, they guard the integrity, they don't cheat on their husbands basically. Okay.

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Now he says we're lucky to have Hunan chosen and as for those from whom you are afraid, afraid of their uprising.

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That's the next part.

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Now, I asked professor of The Honeymooners, this uprising

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because this uprising is used later on in the pseudo when a man is abusive to his wife

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saw a man potentially hitting his wife or hurting her or going against her in some aggressive way. That's also an issues. Okay, we're in a named rotten half admin Valley, her new shoes and if a woman was afraid from her husband have an uprising mean some kind of outrageous behavior. The question though, is what is outrageous behavior for women? Now, some people say outrageous behavior for women is I asked her to put two spoons of Chai, she put three in the rostra

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that snowshoes Quran says that's an uprising, or she raised her voice.

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So I asked her if I suddenly was in the shoes. And he's like, you know, the ayah. It has a contrast.

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Here are good women. And here are women that have an uprising, which means they do the opposite of what good women do. Good women are subservient to Allah, this woman has now started defying a lot. Good women are loyal to their husbands. This woman is now what? cheating on her husband. And the husband says, Allah says to the husband, if you're afraid that she's doing this, not that she is doing it, but you're afraid that she's doing it. She hasn't done it yet. But he's developing a fear and it's getting bigger and bigger. And we're lucky to have hoonah as opposed to fifth term. Not you were afraid, but you continue to be afraid. In other words, he's scanning suspicious and is getting

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more suspicious. He's getting more suspicious. It's lingering, he's notices things about her that he's like, What's going on here? And so he said, Oh, Allah says, fairy Luna then give them advice. Listen, I something's happening. Why are you going out late at night with makeup on or? What's going on? Tell me what's going on. I need to know. Try to counsel them. Doesn't work. You tried it regularly didn't work. Watching ohana. Leave the bed.

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Abandoned on film abajo in the beds don't see better. You're disgusted by what you know is good. The fear is growing. You haven't seen anything. But the fear is growing. It's gotten really really bad. Now it gets to the worst case the worst cases she's actually caught.

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She sees or her with a little bit some something crazy. And he sees this and he loses his mind and what does he do?

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Answer.

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By the way, let's take Muslim out of this. Some dude not even married with his with his girlfriend, he sees another man.

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Is that a natural? Another girl would do it a guy would do it snaps you snap. Now he did or he hit her or you pushed something he did and he feels bad. How could I have done that? Alyssa, I'm giving you license in that crazy case. I'll let you get away with that one.

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At the, you know, if you look at the and I, by the way, when I discussed this, I just Professor ohanian. Right. Remarkable Koran scholar, he's the one sharing this with me. And I'm like, Whoa, I never heard that before. So that that night, I had dinner with a bunch of scholars, traditional scholars, I'm not gonna name them, I don't want to blast anybody.

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And I kind of I was the only kind of like, you know, just like a coffee kind of,

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you know, and they're all traditionally restaurant of mine. So I was like, let's stir up some trouble around here. So I was studying the eye about hitting women with a professor earlier this morning.

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And they're like, really, what did he say? And I shared this with him. And it's actually only it's restricted only to a case of repeated and like, a perpetual infidelity from a wife, and it drives the men nuts, and that he finally eventually ended up losing his cool. And the less as people kill get killed over this sort of thing, by the way. And the end, by the way, hitting then comes too soon now. How much can you hit? How can you hit the Prophet size of the sun that will dictate that you can't actually hit hard ever. You can't ever, you know, hit in a way that even the skin would turn red.

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And like, tap or whatever, that's a separate problem.

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But this is restricted to the craziest case, it's not the norm is not the norm. So I said that, that is not the norm. That is the exception and to use that as a norm is a crime against the code on how to go

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and accept expecting like fireworks. The senior guy among them, you know what he says?

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Makes sense. We believe that too. Oh,

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no,

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you do this? Of course. I was like, why don't you ever say it?

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I literally just called him out. Like I couldn't help myself. Like, how, why is this the first time I'm learning this? Yeah. And he says, you know, people aren't mature enough to learn these things yet and and they wouldn't be able to people might take advantage of it

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seems like that is disturbing schiffman that your job is to clarify the religion for people.

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And now you're gonna decide what's in their best interest and keep

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just messed up by their other interpretations. Now don't even hit them just go away from them. Yeah, I don't I'm not as convinced of them from linguistics perspective. Right. But from the context now here's the thing

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for nl Tanaka if they start obeying you, the question is if you think your wife is cheating on you want to just leave her? Yeah. Because I often look around are there if you think she's, you know, you can accuse her you can do a few accuse in a Muslim society, then you're going to accuse and they're going to go to court and the entire family will be humiliated and she might even be executed whatever, proceedings are going to happen. And if she doesn't want to admit to it, she'll have to declare that Alice curse shouldn't be on her if she's lying. Do you hate her that much that you want you want Alice herself to be on her forever? And maybe there's a there are kids involved, there's

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other family involved their emotions involved, then you don't want to leave her. Maybe you want to move on from this incident. So he says if they start obeying you then don't make a case against them again, for in Atlanta controllato la casa de la started started over don't don't bring it up again. Move on. If you're gonna, if you're gonna move on, then you better move on, move on. Don't ever bring it up again. In the la cara Lee and

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KB Allah. Allah is the ultimately Hi. Why did he say this? Ayah Why did he say he's the ultimately hi?

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Because Allah did not give you the height.

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He's the ultimate the high. He's the big one. He's not you.

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He put the men in his place at the end of this aisle. Now,

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from the context, this is actually not about hitting women at all. It's about protecting the the fidelity and the loyalty inside a marriage. That's what it's about.

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And what a man is afraid of that's happening. By the way, why use the word fear?

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If somebody says I'm afraid of the uprising of my wife fear, by the way, is actually put too much I just scared. Yeah, that's something you're scared of. That's something you're mad about. Yeah. And inconvenient.

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But if a husband thinks his wife is cheating, is he scared? Yeah, yeah.

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The word fear

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In any other interpretation doesn't add up.

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How are you afraid that she leaves the bathroom door open?

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How are you afraid that she raises her voice has nothing to do with fear. And that's actually a position of power. That's a position of power. And the position of power has been taken away at the end.

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You imagine how much abuse of buzz word is being done in his name? And then look, it began with a woman right to caretakers, which already tells you why would you hit someone near their kid, their caretaker. And then right after

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the law has been violated any

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law, what be the best to your parents be the best to close relatives be the best to your neighbors, be the best people you live next door to your your next door neighbors and also the people you commute next to, or sahibi Belgium be

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the one who's sitting next to you on a plane or on a bus or an OH camel or be nice to be the best to them. Okay, be the best and everyone else just smack around your wife. Ah, what?

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Wait, I don't even understand how they can, you know, this, this, this kind of abuse is something Allah talks about in the Quran. And Athena juggle everything. They took the Quran and they tore it to pieces, and the tear this piece out hit, then they tear that piece out, and the rest of the speech doesn't even matter

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to them. And that's the crime they commit to Panama, because they think it's self serving. Sometimes that's exactly right. It's such a big problem that

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if you if you're going to hit people,

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you've got an issue.

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Don't drag the religion into it. That's your psychological trauma, you've got a serious problem, you need psychiatric help. And if women are being hit, they better seek protection. They better seek counsel shared with someone as embarrassing as it because there's, there's when there's physical abuse, what comes with it is psychological abuse. So the guy will make her feel like scum, she'll make her feel like she deserves it. You know, she'll start thinking she deserves it. They're, they're so beat. Sometimes they actually think they deserve it, it's good for them.

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That's the height of psychological abuse and trauma. Right? And those kinds of women, they need to if a woman finds herself in that situation, she needs to get help. He needs to get family involved. I don't want to tell you, I don't want to disturb my parents. Yes, you do. Go distribute parents, your motherboard a lot heavier than this, she gave you birth, she almost died. So if you're worried about bothering your mom, she's already been bothered way more than you can ever imagine. Go tell your mom, tell someone, you know, help deal with it as a family. If not just at least go to a professional, you know, somebody outside, but they should not go unanswered. And they should nobody

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should ever think nobody else. Nobody else cares. Because that's what the abuser does. abusers as they abuse you, they tell you who's gonna care about you, cares about you. You know, I'm doing you a favor. That's how they frame it. And they just develop this unfortunate, like, mindset that keeps them in prison, not only in the in that relationship, but even in their mind. They're in prison. And that needs to be just broken. So Pamela, what do you say about some people say the context of how the word

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alone, like how the word was used in the Yeah, isn't necessarily is used in different ways as well. It is used in different ways. Like, you know, I didn't want to get technical about it. But the way that it's used in this, I will delete, oh, no, there's no preposition with it.

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And there's nothing that indicates that it's being used figuratively,

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you know? So, to me, that's a stretch. From a language perspective, that's a pretty big stretch.

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And I haven't exhausted study in classical scholarship. I don't know if anybody even went that route. But I know that opinion does exist. So I do respect that as an opinion. I'm not as convinced of it, you know, so, but if you look at it from the harshest interpretation could be that this is in the case of infidelity. And the softest interpretation could be this is about walking away from the from the relationship. You know, that's the those are the two and there is no other other range. So in the end, it is this is an AI of practicality and something we're supposed to love. Allah, Allah azza wa jal helped the Muslims get out of abuse, whether they whether or not they're being abused,

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or with whether they're the abusers themselves. So Paula McCulloch, we'll see you next time.