Prophetic Listening – How It Can Transform The World Within Us And Around Us #5

Navaid Aziz


Channel: Navaid Aziz


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Bismillah R Rahman r Rahim

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Al hamdu Lillahi Rabbil Alameen wa sallahu wa Salam wa barik ala Nabina Muhammad voila early he was talking to hedge marine and my bad. Allahu Allah Allah Milena Elana Olympian Alpha eliminare, Malian Femina one fatten they'll be lumped in. I was in there in Melia Kadeem, my dear brothers and sisters as salaam alaikum, Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh.

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Let's do a quick round of questions. What is the word silence mean to you? When you hear silence? What are you affiliated with? What do you think of? Definitely not you, my friend. This man, I will go ahead. What do you think of when you think of silence? Obviously, it's

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That's it. Good answer. Who else? This may Allah? What is the word silence mean to you?

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Or what do you think of anything of silence? Go ahead.

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No sound. Okay. Go ahead.

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On this, okay. Excellent. All the way in the back.

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quiet and peaceful. Excellent.

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How about you guys? What do you guys think of when you think of silence?

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discipline, your lack of communication off? That's getting heavy, bro. by you.

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When you think of silence, oftentimes, it's not something that people actually think about first and foremost, right? When you look at the way the mind has been trained right now, is that you're always moving from one thing to the next. And you're not allowing yourself to be quiet. You're not allowing yourself to be silent. You always have to be engaged in something. The Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam intentionally withdrew himself into silence. In order to serve revelation. He had to drown everything out. So he could focus on Revelation as it was coming down. And when we think of noise, noise is just not about the sounds that we hear. But it is about the internal conversations that we

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have the things that impact our day to day lives, the things that distract us, the things that even dare derail us from focusing. So chapter number four is all about the noise detox process, understanding all of the things that are cluttering you on the inside, that are preventing you from focusing and preventing you from listening to people as the deeper messages and preventing you from communicating effectively with them. He starts off with a story or a story related to the precursor to the slum of American Hotel Villa de la Jota. And I know, in my mastermind in his mustard, he reports that amaro the Allahu taala, who says I was far from Islam, and I was an alcoholic. I love

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to drink. We are a group of people that would get together nicely to drink. One night I left my home to hang out with some people at our normal meeting place. But to my surprise, no one was there. So I decided to go to a guy that I knew that sold alcohol to buy some for myself. I went to his house, and he too was nowhere to be found. So I decided to go to the Kaaba and spend some time at the Kaaba. When I got to the Kaaba. There was no one there except for Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam praying on the south side of it. When I saw him, I thought to myself, why don't I go and listen closely to what he recites. So now who remembers what year did Ahmed Nakata habla de Allahu

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taala, who accept Islam? What year did he accept Islam?

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Five or six, five or six is when he accepted Islam, meaning that five or six years have gone by, and Amara, the Allahu Taala and who has not once till this point, showed about listening to what the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam is actually calling to and what he is reciting. So if you were to think about the noises in the life of Ahmed Cadabra, the Allahu taala, and whose life what are some of the noises that we recognize in the story? What's the major noise in the story?

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The nightlife I love the way you framed that the nightlife hanging out with the boys drinking alcohol, that is definitely a major noise. This is his distraction. Night time comes, this is what I'm going to do every single night. I can't be bothered doing something more productive. I can't be bothered focusing. But what ends up happening. So he says any codon goes on to say. So I approached the Kaaba from the opposite side and hid under the curtain of the Kaaba. And I slowly walked around the Kaaba until I was directly in front of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam, who was standing and reciting the Quran, he began to recite Surah to Hakka, it was beautiful, and it captivated me. I

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said to myself, This man must be a poet. Then the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam recited the verses in the whole lacO Laura Solian Karim wama, who will be cold he shied, and he recited indeed this is the speech of a Noble Messenger. It is not the speech of a poet. Very little do you believe? When I heard those verses, I thought

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This man must be a soothe Sayer as he was reading my mind, and that that very moment the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam recited the next verses, while ma Hua buco Lika hin Gallina Mata the Quran, and it is not the speech of a soothsayer, very seldom do you take heed, indeed it is the revelation of the Lord of the Worlds. And at that moment, Islam penetrated into my heart.

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So we start off with this introduction to acknowledge the different noises that we may have. Some of them may be external, some of them may be the bad habits that we have, but a lot of it especially in the case of honorable Cadabra, the hola Jota and and that's not being highlighted over here is the propaganda that is all around him, where he is constantly being told that Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam is a soothsayer that Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam makes these stories up, and that's why he hasn't listened to him. So now when you think for our own selves, and you know, you can think of even in the greater realm that as these people learn about Islam, and they're accepting

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Islam Spanner, we had a shahada today Alhamdulillah at the Fairview masjid,

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they're able to eliminate the noise to focus on that, which is more important, right? That's what we're going to keep coming back to eliminating the noise to find that which is more important. It's not going to happen right away. I'm going to tabula doula who Thailand who as great as he was, it took him five years to do that. And it was a situation that he was sort of forced into that no one is able to hang out, alcohol is not available. And then at that point, that is when it happened, that is when it happened. So what we take away from this is that as human beings, we need to regularly scheduled periods of silence. And that is a means of finding our true voice, and

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understanding ourselves, finding our true voice and understanding ourselves. So sometimes you'll notice that you will feel sad, but you have nothing to feel sad about meaning that nothing sad has happened in your life. Yet, for some reason, you're feeling sad. And other moments, you will find yourself that you're feeling angry and frustrated. But nothing has really happened at that time to make you feel angry or frustrated. And at that time, you have a conscious decision to make. I can try to do some introspection to figure out what's going on inside. Exactly why am I feeling this way. Or what normally ends up happening is, you know what, let me just go turn on some Netflix,

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it'll figure itself out. Let me just go watch another YouTube clip. It'll figure itself out, let me go on to social media and scroll through Instagram, it will figure itself out. But it never does. And it just continues to build up and it continues to linger. And it continues to bother you open until you're willing to embrace and accept the silence, open until you can sit by yourself and not be distracted by anything. And focus on what your mind and your heart are actually telling you. So now what we fall on to focus on, as a characteristic that we want to establish is the characteristic of presence, the characteristic of presence, and the book The sacred art of listening, the author

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writes, three qualities are essential to deep listening, silence, reflection, and presence, silence, reflection, and presence. So in order for you to deeply listen to what people are saying, These are the three characteristics that must be present. Silence, reflection, and presence. Now let's look at what responses are going to look like when you actually deeply listen. So I want you to imagine you are a parent. And your child just learned today that Surah Talaaq was the first Surah LISI revealed to the Prophet sallallahu it was set up so they come all excited to you they're like mama Baba, you won't believe what I learned today. I learned that the very first Surah that was revealed to the

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Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam was Solothurn anak What are you going to respond to this? Your child comes to you like that? What are you going to respond? Share your responses with me more it says you're a bit younger but this mela What are you going to respond

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but what would you say?

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Great job great job. Okay, good start let's be honest, share your honest responses your child comes to you and shares I just learned that SOTL Alok is the very first order revealed how are you going to respond to your child

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I love it this Mala your step closer inshallah. Allah What do you guys think? How are you going to respond to this child?

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Go ahead.

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Okay, that's great. Go ahead.

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Exactly, so

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Tell me more. How did you learn this? What exactly happened? What else? Are you going to tell them?

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Okay, excellent. We're going to have other people that turned out, okay? And if you have a response, raise your hand, guys. Inshallah, who amongst your parents over here, raise your hand parents, fathers yella, you guys over here, your child comes to you What are you? You're just gonna ignore them, aren't you, Jana? Marcella, go tell your mother, I don't care. And then we wonder why our children grow up with daddy issues. Right? And I think this is part of the problem that we want to address over here. So he gives, you know, examples of how people respond. He says level one response is someone that's just listening to the words, you know that they mentioned that surah Allah is the

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first surah you respond by saying yes, I know that already. How is that going to make your child feel? Not very motivated, not very excited, they're not going to want to share something with you again, in the future. Because you haven't validated that experience, then there is a second level, which is wow, that is so interesting, right? And you genuinely say that make it feel you try to seem as if you didn't know it before, and that you find it very, very fascinating. But when it comes to deep listening, I want you to look at the response to that to take Miguel president's presents. He says really? Wow, that is so interesting. You're learning so much. I'm so proud of you. Tell me

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more? Where did you learn that. So when it comes to deep listening, remember, we're not trying to look at the words that are being said, we're trying to find the meta messages, what are the messages underneath that they want to convey to you that they're not necessarily expressing through their words. And the message that they're expressing over here is that I'm so excited that I learned something new. And I want to share it with those that I love and care for. So now if they say those words to you, you get the message. But you have to learn to interpret the meta messages as well, that they're sharing this information with you, because they want to share their new experiences

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with those that they love. And your responsibility as a parent is not just to acknowledge that they've learned something new, but to show interest and to encourage them to learn more like to pique their curiosity and to keep their curiosity there. So this is what when we're talking about deep listening, this is what we're trying to get at. So in order for that to take place, we need these three characteristics, silence, reflection, and presence. So the silence being someone comes to you, don't be busy on your phone, don't be thinking about something else or doing something else. But just be silent at that time listening to what the person is saying. Number two, reflecting not

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only on the words that are being said on the body language and trying to figure out what the meta messages underneath are. And then last but not least, is your presence, not just your physical presence, but your emotional, spiritual, psychological presence as well. Have you ever just you know had a conversation with someone, and you're talking to them and they just stand still, like no acknowledgement, no knocking nodding of the head, no expressions on their faces whatsoever. Like at that time you feel I might as well just be talking to a wall, right? So show your presence and your engagement in the conversation as well. So now what is it that takes us away from being present? Why

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is it that people choose not to be present? The Prophet sallahu alayhi wa sallam he tells us a person's prayers are responded to as long as they are not hasty by saying I called upon Allah, but he hasn't responded. So the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam is criticizing haste, and what ends up happening in our conversations, particularly those that aren't scheduled in advance and aren't on our calendars, and people impromptu of like our family come up to us to have a conversation. We want to get it done and over with as quickly as possible. But have you ever wondered, why are we in such a hurry? Like, where are we going, what is the next place we need to be at what is the next thing

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that we are doing that is more important and more meaningful than where we are right now. And eventually, you need to come to the realization that where you're wanting to go and where you're wanting to be, is not more important and meaningful than where you are right now. You have to embrace the present and acknowledge the present and understand that the present is more valuable than this theoretical future that you have created for your self. So we need to learn to listen and wait for the different types of responses that Allah subhanaw taala gives. So when we make dua to Allah subhanaw taala. We think that Allah subhanaw taala only responds by giving us what we want,

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but that's not the case. Allah subhanaw taala responds in many, many ways, sometimes sending you different signs, sometimes granting you different things that you didn't even know that you needed, sometimes granting you better than what you asked for. All of these things are responses from Allah subhanaw taala, and one should not be hasty.

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So physical presence refers to everything we do with our body that tells a person that we are there with them, and that we do not wish to be anywhere else. So how do you tell someone with your body that I'm happy to be here with you? Simple things, like looking at them in the eyes, smiling at them, acknowledging them nodding your head as they speak, when appropriate. And that is how you show them that you value their presence. And a lot of times so many issues, particularly in relationships, can be solved, just by these actions alone, taking a few moments to settle down, be in the moment, show the person that you care without actually having to use your words, by making

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them feel valued. And a lot of the problems in our relationships can actually be solved. It turns out that humans can process auditory information much faster than the speed by which we speak. The reason why I highlight this, how many of you, when you go to YouTube, or you're listening to a podcast, you actually increase the speed dial 1.25 or 1.5? Or two twice? You guys do that? Sometimes? Well, how is that possible? Like, how is that possible? And why do we do that? So ALLAH SubhanA, Allah, Allah created this in a way and spa, this is miraculous, we're able to process information a lot quicker than we're actually able to convey it. So our ability to process is faster

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than our ability to convey. And sometimes we're in such a hurry to consume this information. We need to speed up the process. You're like, why does this guy speak so slow? Why does he articulate every single letter? Get to the point, let me know, you know, the three secrets to success? Why do I need to listen to this for a whole hour? Right? And that is the mentality that we're having? Why is that happening? It is the haste that is coming into play. It is the haste that is coming in to play. The first step is recognizing that we are hasty The first step is that we are recognizing that we are hasty exploiting our hasty nature is one of shaytans primary tactics against us. He takes away our

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ability to witness the blessings around us, by constantly telling us that we need to be somewhere else. This is how our presence in prayer is lost, and how we lose connection with people. So it gives the example of Salah why do we rush through the salah? Because we assume that there's somewhere else that I need to be that is more important. I have to get to my meeting, I have to pick up my kids from school, I have to cook dinner, I have to you know, watch something online. All of these things are making us do things more quickly. And this is how Shavon manipulates us. Right. deliberates is a gift from Allah subhanaw taala where you take your time you do things with

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intentionality, and deliberately shaytaan wants to make you do things in haste. He doesn't want you to go through the process. Now why does shaytaan want you to do things in haste? Because the hasty Are you are the more mistakes you are likely to make the hasty or you are, the less likely you are to reflect the hasty or you are, the more damage you can do to a relationship. Why do men

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Hastin and other interlock three times in one time? Alright, I'm gonna go on a very quick tangent over here. Sorry, Talak, your divorce your divorce, you're divorced, like no one's put a gun to their head, like what are they seeing three times at one time? Right? This issue of divorce is actually a very, very serious issue. And if you look at the actual process of what's supposed to take place, it's normal for a husband and wife to have discord for there to be an argument. That's normal. It's just part of human relationships. What ends up happening is we don't resolve those arguments. We start to harbor ill feelings, we become very, very sensitive, we become very, very

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defensive. And then eventually we go on the attack where we want to hurt others, just as they have hurt us. But if you look at the Quranic advice, starting off with how to deal with anger by saying I was a bIllahi min ash shaytaan regime, and by sitting down by laying down by making Waldo, and by changing the room that you're in, and then talking about the deeper issues itself, right. Like if you're unable to resolve it yourself, get an arbitrator involved. advise one another separate from the beds, right? This is all Quranic advice that is given to us. But major argument happens then all of a sudden issue divorce right away. But the Quranic injunction is to take your time on the altar

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of the divorce, when you've gone through all of your recourses and you've come to the conclusion that you know what, we are better separated than we are together and there's a period

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Have time with a husband and wife are not meant to be intimate a period of a month before the lock should be issued. Right? All of this process is there to show us that the lock is not meant to be done in haste. Yet one of the things that keeps coming across the office, or chef or Imam, I got really, really angry and I ordered Talak three times. The problem over here is not that you ordered the salad that is the conclusion. That is the symptom. The actual disease is the haste. Why are we so her in such a hurry to get things done immediately? Why do we not want to go through the process? Why do we not want to take our time, as long as a person is focused on where they aren't, they will

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never value where they are. And as long as a person is thinking about who they aren't talking to, they won't value the person who is right before them. Right. So you're constantly about where you want to be, instead of enjoying the blessings here, you're constantly thinking about who you want to be talking to, rather than embracing the person that you should be talking to right now. No Subhanallah, I don't know if I shared this with you. But in the month of October 100, I was very fortunate to go and visit the country of Japan. And there's a lot of tourist attractions in Japan. And it was very, very fascinating is that people are getting off on these tour buses off these tour

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buses, they get to the tourist attraction, take some pictures, and you get back onto the bus and you go to the next facility. It's like, you know, clockwork, you spent five minutes and you move on. And the justification is oh, I've taken a picture of this. So I can enjoy this moment later on. And I think this deception of I can enjoy it later on. I can experience it later on, or there is a tomorrow is to our detriment. As we know tomorrow never arrives. And if you have a moment right now cherish it. And this is why one of the things that is a great disservice to our relationships is the documentation of everything that we do. You're going out to dinner with someone, no need to take a

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picture of it, put your phone aside. In fact, your phone shouldn't be out in the first place, put it in the center, no one touches it all together. Embrace the moment embrace the person that you are with. Now let us look at what Imam Al Ghazali Rahim Allah states, he says that there are seven tactics that shaytaan will use against you. Number one, he will try to stop you from doing a good deed. Number two, if he cannot stop you from doing a good deed, he will get you to procrastinate. If he cannot get you to procrastinate, he will suggest that you rush through the action. If he can't get you to rush through the action, he will suggest that you do the action slowly. But for an

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audience, then he will make you feel proud about the action. He will say to you, you did a great action secretly, very soon, Allah subhanaw taala will make it known among the people. And then he will say to you, you are very good. You don't need the action. You have made it. So Manuel Ghazali Rahim Allah, he's talking about the tactics of shaytaan. We spoke about haste. But now it's actually breaking it down, you know, step by step, what shaitan is going to try to get you to do so the first of them is getting you to live off the good deed. If shaytaan can stop you from doing the good deed, that is what he will try to do. And this is where you will notice that a lot of things will get in

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your way that they will he will stop you from doing that good deed by things getting in your way. They could be something valid, like dealing with your family, you know dealing to a need, or it could be something invalid. You know what?

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Let me just watch one more episode on Netflix and Subhanallah This is such a crazy thing. Have you noticed the level of anxiety you get after you finish an episode on one of these streaming services? Like the next episode is going to start in 15 seconds or 10 seconds? And you're like, Oh my God, what do I do? Do I decide to watch the next episode? Or do I stop right here? And your curiosity is getting the best of you. You want to know what happens next? And you're like, Okay, let me just watch one more episode, and then I'll stop. But what ends up happening the time for the hurricane. You didn't end up praying your sunnah, prayers, and Subhanallah all of a sudden it's Aster time.

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Okay, let me just pause the show. Pray My Lord before astral kicks in. But you ended up missing your Sunnah prayers. And this is how shaytaan prevents you from doing those bad deeds, manipulating your desires, manipulating your emotion. If he's unable to do that, he will get you to procrastinate. You know what, just finish off your school or right now finish your assignment from work right now. And as soon as you're done that, then you can pray later, then you can pray later. So if he doesn't get you to stop the deed, he is going to get you to procrastinate, And subhanAllah it's very fascinating that if you look at the science, behind procrastination, why do human beings procrastinate?

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is because we thrive on that adrenaline rush of getting things done in the time crunch under the threat of, if I don't get this done, I may be punished or something bad is going to happen. Like that is what's happening in our minds as we procrastinate. And we've just been programmed to go through this adrenaline rush every single time. Subhan Allah, we know we're going to have exams at the end of the year, we know that we have the whole entire semester to prepare for those exams, but we're only going to start studying a day before the exam. Why is that? Because your body wants you to go through that adrenaline rush, because it likes it so much. If he can get you to procrastinate,

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he will suggest you know what, just rush through the action. Go ahead and get it done. But do it quickly. Right like the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam describes the individual that is praying, but it's like the pecking of a bird, just eating that seat up and down quickly, does get it done and over with, and Subhanallah such a detrimental thing, that when you look at this beautiful gift of Salah, and the impact is meant to have in our lives. Why do we intentionally Hastin through it? Right, the cure for the illnesses that we spiritually face is in taking our time and praying. And when you Hastin it actually enhances the diseases, as opposed to resolving them and fixing them.

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When you don't pay attention in your salon, you don't take your time in Salah, all the problems that you're facing, actually get worse. Whereas when you take your time and you slow down and you focus, your problems actually get better. He will suggest that you do the action slowly for an audience. So he failed at getting you to drop it. He failed at getting you to procrastinate. He failed again you to rush through the action. Now he's like, Okay, let me leverage the fact that you're doing this slowly. How Satan wants to leverage that fact. Do it slowly. But for an audience, so that people can comment Allahu Akbar, what a beautiful ROCOR Subhanallah I left the machine and I came back and this

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brother still in such the Allahu Akbar. Right, the amazement of the people. And as human beings, we have a desire for recognition, we have a desire for appreciation, and shaytaan leverages that again, then he will make you feel proud about the action. Allahu Akbar, what a good believer I am. You know, I made you know, whatever. Masala in the masjid. That's the obligation, bro. That's what you're meant to be doing in the first place. You're not supposed to be proud of something like that. That's the absolute basic and the absolute minimum. And then he leverages that desire for appreciation and recognition. And he will say you did a great action secretly, very soon, Allah will

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make it known amongst the people and makes you more arrogant and makes you more proud. And he will say to you till you get to this level, you are very good. You don't need the action you have made it. And subhanAllah like if you look at the extreme Sufis, this is speaking about them right over here. Right, they reach this level of fauna, where they feel that they don't need to worship Allah subhanaw taala and the more than one with Allah subhanaw taala the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam himself, continued to pray till the day that he died. None of us will ever be better than the Prophet salallahu alayhi wa sallam. So how can you ever reach that level? Why are Buddha Rebecca

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Hetalia to clean that continue to worship Allah subhanho wa Taala till the day that you die, And subhanAllah this breakdown of Imam Al Ghazali Rahim Allah is very, very effective. And you'll notice this in all aspects of our lives. We're using it for the sake of the Buddha. But now let's use it for the sake of our conversations, right? That shaytan will not want you to connect with other people. That is one of Satan's goals, not want you to connect with other people. And if you have relationships, he wants you to break them off right in the column in Anacostia, that shaitan will always attack the lone sheep. And that's why he wants to isolate it. And if you do have a

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relationship in your life, shaytaan wants you to break that relationship off the shaytaan that is celebrated the most is the one that is able to separate between husband and wife. So if he's able and successful to isolate you, he's made his job easier. Now someone wants to engage with you. They want to talk to you. So you procrastinate it. You know what, let's not talk now. We'll talk later. And this person wants to talk to you about something important, and you keep on delaying it and delaying and delaying it till they start to harbor some sort of resentment. And then you realize that you know what, maybe I shouldn't be delaying this conversation. Let's have this conversation.

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But please, let's do it quickly. Right. I have to get to bed tonight. I have to wake up early in the morning. Let's finish this conversation quickly and get it done and over with when the point is

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is not the conversation itself. The point is the intimate experience with you. The point is spending time with you, the point is sharing with you and you sharing with the other person. Right. So look at how shaytaan can even manipulate our relationships, all through these steps. Now for our sake, we're just going to primarily focus on the first three, he will get you to stop doing the good deed, he will get you to procrastinate. And if he is unable to, he will get you to rush through the action. So now let's go through these one by one.

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He will try to stop you from doing the action. What is the mental conversation you need to have with yourself to get the action done right here right now.

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So imagine you're having like mental gymnastics with shaytaan Shaitaan is telling you don't pray? How are you going to get over this? What is the conversation you're having in your mind? I need to pray? What are you going to tell yourself? What are you going to do?

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Go ahead.

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You're going to say a structure Allah seek forgiveness from Allah subhanaw taala that will please Allah and make shaytaan angry, okay, that's a good step. Raise your hand, remember? Go ahead, raise your hand, and I'll choose you.

00:31:18--> 00:31:21

So raise your hand, raise your hand. Yes, martyrs. Go ahead.

00:31:29--> 00:31:32

No, this is shaytans telling you right now Martez don't pray

00:31:37--> 00:31:58

says my religion. Okay, excellent. You're gonna say no, but what is the what is going to be your driving motivation to counter that? Right? What is your driving motivation to counter that, go ahead and look at the rewards being better than the short term rewards. Rewards are the consequences of not praying are greater than the consequences.

00:32:00--> 00:32:22

Excellent. And that's very, very important. So Allah subhanaw taala, he creates this amazing balance, that when you do something good, you're rewarded for it. And if you leave something off, obligatory, you're punished, you're eligible for punishment. Right? So having that conversation that if I want this reward from Allah, I need to do this act. And if I want to save myself from punishment, I need to do this act. So that was let's jump to the second one.

00:32:23--> 00:32:52

Procrastination, she starts telling you, you know what, okay, pray, but pray later on. You have plenty of time left, right. A show is valid from the time an hour and a half after Muslim till all the way till fajr time. Why do you have to pray shower right now deletes to later on? How are you going to counter this? What conversation are you going to have with yourself? Let's go to the sisters this time. How are you going to counter procrastination? She thought is telling you you can pray but do pray later on. You'll have to pray right now.

00:32:55--> 00:32:56

Go ahead.

00:33:06--> 00:33:17

Excellent, so you remember again, the punishment of Allah subhanaw taala that Allah subhanaw taala will punish those who are those people are eligible for punishment that are lackadaisical with regards to their prayers? Go ahead.

00:33:22--> 00:33:29

Sorry, can you speak a little bit louder? You had a great answer you I know you had a great answer. I just wasn't able to hear you.

00:33:33--> 00:33:35

You can copy what the prophets did, which was what?

00:33:37--> 00:33:39

What did the prophets do?

00:33:41--> 00:33:58

They just prayed at the beginning. Beautiful, very simple. Don't even allow shaytaan to have that conversation with you. So our time comes, pray as soon as it kicks in, don't even allow him to have that conversation with you. But let's look at the deeper psychological issue over here is the delusion of time.

00:33:59--> 00:34:37

I can procrastinate because I have time. But what if you genuinely believed that tomorrow does not exist, that the future does not exist? I have to do it now because I'm promised the power of the president, but I'm not guaranteed the future. And then he will suggest that you rush through the action. So you've said Allahu Akbar now, and now. shaytaan has flooded your mind. You have to respond to emails you need to get homework done. You need to go spend time with your family. How are you going to counter this tactic of Shavon when she thought is telling you to rush through? Go ahead? Yep. Well, obviously

00:34:43--> 00:34:47

but so what's the point of this dunya you

00:34:48--> 00:34:49

need to get ready

00:34:54--> 00:34:54


00:34:59--> 00:34:59


00:35:00--> 00:35:00


00:35:01--> 00:35:03

said, What did you prepare for it?

00:35:05--> 00:35:06

We didn't say that.

00:35:08--> 00:35:14

So I'm saying even if you have, even if you have limited time go out.

00:35:16--> 00:35:57

Excellent. I love it. You're praying for the akhirah. Right? There's a greater objective to this life. Your homework can wait. Your family can wait. All of those things can wait. And you have to think about this logically, like if you have for sure in Salah. How much extra time does it actually take to have kosher and Salah. So if you hurry through Salah Tovar, you can pray in three to four minutes. If you have for sure and take your time to praise the Lord fulfilling the requirements, how long does it actually take? Six to eight minutes, right? It's an extra three to four minutes, how much will you actually lose by spending three to four minutes in your Salah? How much better will

00:35:57--> 00:36:34

you feel by taking that time by praying properly, right. So these are the types of tactics you need to use. So it's very important to be aware of the tactics that shaytaan is going to use. And then having a conversation inside of yourself as to how you counter them. Now you play to the conversations you apply to meetings, all of these things, understand that shaytaan doesn't want you to be social with other believers. shaytaan doesn't want you to have good relationships with other people. So you will self sabotage those relationships at a time. But you have to make yourself social by being present in the masjid by attending the Halaqaat by attending the lessons, because

00:36:34--> 00:37:18

that is where shaytaan isn't. That is where Allah subhanho wa Taala is angels are. That is where the prophets, you know, legacy is. So that is where you want to be. Don't delay it. Don't be hasty in it. Like even now, some people may be thinking, Okay, what's the Halacha going to end? So again, go and, you know, go to Peter's and get a milkshake from Peters, right. So all those thoughts are going through your head. Let me embrace where I am right now. Let me embrace where I am. Right now. We move on to meta message versus the message. So the meta message is what is the underlying message behind what someone is saying. There was a famous scholar of the past our bobbin robber, from the

00:37:18--> 00:37:40

students of the Lebanon bus or the Allahu and Homer, who said, often a person will come to me to narrate a hadith. And I listen, as if I had never heard the narration before. While the fact of the matter is that I heard this narration before the person speaking was even born.

00:37:41--> 00:38:24

So what is he trying to tell us over here someone comes to narrate a hadith to him. And he pretends as if he's never heard this hadith before. Even though he has heard this hadith before that person was even born. He showing us the very valuable lesson of human engagement of making people feel valued making people feel cherished, making people feel special. And one of the simple ways that you can do that is by showing interest in what people are actually sake. So it's not he could have just simply said, you know, I know that hadith already. Next, what else you got? But no, he let this person recite the Hadith, embraced it, and you know, showed interest in it, even though he had heard

00:38:24--> 00:39:09

this hadith a long time ago. So similarly, what we want to try to get at is when people talk to us, what are they actually trying to communicate? Not the words, but what is the underlying message? What is it that makes them excited? What is it that makes them feel cherished, and valued? And how can you use that knowledge to enhance that? How can you use that knowledge to enhance that, and every one will have something that they're trying to get across? So when someone asks, you know, how is your day to day, their interest is not necessarily in what you actually did. Their interest is in just in spending time with you. But they just don't know how to articulate they don't know what else

00:39:09--> 00:39:30

to say. They don't know what else to ask. So the cognitive, present person will think you know, what, why is this person asking me this question? What are they actually trying to get at? What can I provide for this person in this conversation that will make them feel fulfilled, will that make them feel heard, and will make them feel valued.

00:39:31--> 00:39:59

We move on to expectations, our greatest ally and worst enemy. So as human beings, Allah subhanaw taala has created us in such a way that if we've had a previous experience that is similar, we will draw on that experience to the present, so that we can free up space from thinking so that we can free up space from thinking so it's sort of like when someone says fill in the

00:40:00--> 00:40:00


00:40:01--> 00:40:40

the gap, the blank, whatever it is, you know what word you're thinking of. Because in a previous experience, someone said the exact same word as exact, exact same sentence, and then they gave you a word gap blank, or whatever it was. So in the future, when it comes up, again, your mind is telling you, you already have a similar experience. So you know what, naturally fill in the gap, and SubhanAllah. This is one of the fun and yet annoying conversations that you have, that you're talking to someone, and you're sitting with someone that is a sentence finisher, they're about to finish a sentence, and they naturally finish your sentence for you. Sometimes there'll be right. But

00:40:40--> 00:41:14

a lot of times they can also be wrong. Why does that happen? Because our minds have been created to draw on previous experiences, to free up capacity for other brain activities, as well. So what you need to do is, understand that this is how your brain is programmed. And as you're having a conversation with someone, put aside your confirmation biases. So as an Imam, someone comes into my office, and says, you know, Chef, is it allowed for a husband to hit his wife?

00:41:15--> 00:42:00

If I just accept the words at words value? I will say no, it's not allowed to do. So. Do you have any other questions? And they're like, No, I was like, Okay, does that look good? Have a nice day. And they leave? Did I fulfill my responsibility as an email? Absolutely not? Absolutely not. Because the point is not to answer this person's fifth question. The point is, what are they trying to get at? Sr? Are you in trouble at home? Is something happening in your home? Are you safe at home? Is there a problem that you'd like to speak about? Right? You ask these questions after you've created a safe space and built rapport, to try to get at the underlying message at that time? So what are

00:42:00--> 00:42:40

they actually trying to convey? So if you understand that you have natural biases, that a sister comes in? And she's asking a question, and everyone just comes to my office to ask questions, and you assume that this person only wants the answer to a quick question, you're doing a disservice to them, and and to yourself. Because clearly, you could have, you know, had a deeper conversation with them, to see if there was anything else. Perhaps they're living a very distressful life that he needs to talk about, that they need help with. And you're just approaching the filk is doing a disservice to it. So the curious person is naturally a deep listener, this listener, invested in

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every word that it receives. The curious mind sees every aspect of communication as a puzzle piece, to the complex mystery of the other person. So when the other person is speaking, you want to get at what is the underlying statement? What do they want me to understand? What do they want me to ask about? What do they want me to validate? What do they want me to encourage? And that's what you're trying to figure out. So once you're able to put your biases aside, your, especially your confirmation biases, and you can deeply listen to what this person is trying to get at, the good listener will be able to get to that. But you have to be curious, you have to be silent, you have to

00:43:22--> 00:43:31

be reflective. Let's look at this quote. According to an increasing number of neuroscientists, the brain is a prediction machine.

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Sure, the brain is a prediction machine that constructs an elaborate simulation of the world, based on as much on its expectations and previous experiences as the raw data hitting the senses. For most people, most of the time, these simulations coincide with objective reality, but they can sometimes stray far from what is actually in the physical world. Right. So as your mind kicks into automation mode, you have to stop it, control it and try to figure out what's happening. So for those of you that commute back and forth to work on a regular basis, your mind naturally goes into auto drive. And one day you're driving back home from work. And your wife tells you can you please stop by the

00:44:22--> 00:44:55

grocery store. But you completely drove by the grocery store and you went home? You knew you had to go to the grocery store. But what is it, it was a previous lived experience that has manifested itself to your president to free up brain capacity in case you need to monitor anything on the road and you're in automation mode right now. So stepping back being present, being diligent and focusing on the task at hand rather than allowing your mind naturally which is easier to go into automation mode is what needs to be done.

00:44:57--> 00:44:59

So when you see a picture

00:45:00--> 00:45:37

He's finally he has this picture of a rose. It's not fully outlined. And there's parts that are missing from the picture. But because our minds have seen roses before, we naturally know that this is a picture of a rose, even the portions of the rose are there. How does that happen? Drawing on previous experience, so the brain makes predictions. So that does it so that it doesn't have to pay attention to all of the close details, so that it doesn't have to pay attention to all of the close details. And we're actually very, very close to the end of the chapter now. Hamdulillah. So now, let's look at an example from the Sierra.

00:45:39--> 00:45:43

I will Sofiane Radi Allahu Taala and who accepts Islam

00:45:44--> 00:45:57

at the photo of Makkah, and he sees all of these people accepting Islam. And he turns to Abbas, and he says, The kingdom of your nephew has become amazing.

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Before I tell you what Abbas replied, is there anything wrong with what Abu Sufian has said? So Abbas is the uncle of the Prophet SAW Salem and Abu Sufian just accepted Islam. And he tells Abbas, the kingdom of your nephew is amazing. Has apostrophe and said anything wrong?

00:46:22--> 00:46:25

Martez Habibi, raise your hand? Go ahead.

00:46:32--> 00:46:39

Okay, so that's good point. We want to figure out is he actually saying hey, what about the Prophet sallallahu and he was said, go ahead.

00:46:45--> 00:46:46


00:46:48--> 00:46:51

so which exactly it's not a kingdom, it's not a kingdom.

00:46:52--> 00:47:29

So what is Abbas reply? He says, It is not a kingdom, it is prophethood it is not a kingdom it is prophethood. Why do we use this as an example? Because if you look at the tactics of the Kurdish in dealing with the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, let us throw the dunya at the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, perhaps he will stop, right? You want the sun in the morning we'll give it to you. You want riches will give it to you and women will give it to you you want power and authority will give it to you. What they fail to realize is that that was not a motivating factor for the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam. So when Abu Sofia sees all these people accepting

00:47:29--> 00:48:07

Islam, he thinks, oh, the kingdom because what is the greatest motivation for the Croatia at that time is the dunya has increased. But Abbas who understands Islam and who has been Muslim for a very, very long time, he reminds him that you have to change your perspective over here, you have to get rid of this confirmation bias that you have that all humans are like this, and this is all that they desire. This is not a kingdom. This is prophethood that the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam is not bringing them to serve him. He's inviting them to serve Allah subhanho wa taala. He's inviting them to serve Allah subhanho wa taala. I share with you the story of profile hammer dosi he was the

00:48:07--> 00:48:50

leader of the DOS tribe, he came into Makkah, and the police are trying to convince him not to listen. They say Oh, to fail, you have come to our city. And it is important for you to know that this man he has divided his people. They knew this with deeply impacts to fail because he himself was a leader of a strong clan. His words are magical. They can separate a man from his father, his brother, his wife, we feel for you and your people. What has happened to our people. So by no means should you speak to him. Before he says that they continued to warn me until I was so convinced not to hear a word from Muhammad salallahu alayhi wa sallam that I stuffed my ears with cotton, and I

00:48:50--> 00:49:28

was set on not hearing a word from him. Thereafter I went to the masjid only to find Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam standing in prayer. I stood near him only by the will of Allah. Did I hear some of the words paella while he has caught in he's able to hear the words. What I heard was beautiful. So I said to myself by Allah, I'm an intelligent man and I know poetry. I can distinguish between good and evil. Why shouldn't I listen to this man? If it's good, I will accept it and if it's evil, I will reject it. So I waited some time in the masjid until he was done and returned to his home, and I followed him and entered his home. When he entered the house of the province. I saw

00:49:28--> 00:49:59

them he told him about everything that the Quraysh had told him, and how he had stuffed his ears with cotton. He then asked the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam to explain his message to him. Before he says he continued to talk to me and recited the Quran. By Allah, I never heard something so beautiful, nor more clear before. So I sect accepted the message and recited the testimony of faith. So Subhanallah this concept of you know,

00:50:00--> 00:50:42

detoxing from the noise and the focusing and doing that which is better right here and right now and eradicating haste, look at the conclusions that it brings about, right the conclusion from Rama, look at the conclusion of available Amara dosing. And this is the last paragraph that I'll read. And we'll conclude over here in sha Allah. He says rather than approaching conversations, as a type of battle that we have to win, we should look at conversations as a type of symbolic walk with another person. As you are listening to this person, you ask them to explain what they are noticing on this walk, along with how they understand the things that they notice. As you give the person room to

00:50:42--> 00:51:31

speak, you attempt to see the world from their perspective, this is active listening, unchecked expectations and confirmation bias, reinforce our preconceived ideas. Everything that you hear is either distorted from his original intent, or ignored, you have effectively become deaf to everything other than your own other understanding other than your own understanding. So the concluding advice that he gives over here is that when you approach a conversation, it's not a debate of facts, right, you're listening to something to prove them wrong. Someone remembers an incident or such and such incident happened, and you jumped to prove them wrong. Right? It's not a

00:51:31--> 00:52:10

battle between right and wrong. But he says approach the conversation, as if you're taking a walk together with someone as they were taking a stroll together. And you're listening to this person, about all of the things that they're noticing around them, and how they're understanding of these things. So that you can understand the other person's perspective. And that's really, really important. So as you engage in the conversation, when someone's talking to you, you want to understand the other person's perspective, that will only happen by allowing them to talk. And by paying attention to what they're saying, their body language, their facial expressions, their tones,

00:52:10--> 00:52:54

and then asking them further questions to help you understand how they understand the things that they are seeing and experiencing. And if you don't keep your expectations and confirmation biases in check, you are deaf to everything other than your own under standing. So this was the chapter on detoxing, the noise. And next week in sha Allah hooter, Anna, we go into the last chapter, which is the reward for listening as the panel, there's such a beautiful introduction that he has on liberal claims framework for listening. And it's very, very fascinating how scholars of the past, you know, approach this topic with all the information and knowledge that we have scientifically right now.

00:52:54--> 00:53:28

How did they understand these topics prior to this era, right? So it's very, very fascinating how even no claim Rahim Allah addresses hearing, and then we talk about what do we gain from deep listening, and then we have the conclusion of the book, which inshallah Huhtala is moving forward to becoming better listeners. And that is what we will have for next week. Then Allah He, tada, I will open up the floor for three questions in Sharla Bismillah. So you mentioned earlier, listening or battling yourself, you're cautious.

00:53:29--> 00:53:32

You know, a lot of people are saying having an internal conversation.

00:53:34--> 00:53:38

Your ability to remember, like the emotion

00:53:39--> 00:53:44

so if you miss a lot, actually have your day is terrible.

00:53:46--> 00:53:50

When you pray or you go to actually the masjid in the morning,

00:53:51--> 00:53:59

you have this euphoric feeling for the rest of your day. Or if you do sin, or something like that, you know, so there's actually a negative emotion that

00:54:01--> 00:54:04

I know you're having in conversation but what about

00:54:06--> 00:54:10

the emotion that's behind that? And what I mean by that question is

00:54:13--> 00:54:50

you know, when your your heedless new solo, you don't pay attention. I think everybody here maybe you might remember in your life where you've actually paced doing really enjoyed solid, everybody at some point in their life, all of the shuffle, you know, but there's always that one point in your life or maybe you're tired, you're just you're like, you actually love the song. But it's not always a thing. At least for me. Right? So the question I'm really asking is not just the conversation, but the emotion is that part of it and then what happens is all the steel that sometimes because sometimes can you be

00:54:52--> 00:54:56

tripped so much by the ship on that you can even have the conversation with those feelings.

00:54:57--> 00:54:59

Interesting. Okay, so the last question

00:55:00--> 00:55:36

is where the regards to when the moment because earlier ramola, speaking about the tactics of Shavon, he gets you to abandon the act, if he can get you the binding and get you to procrastinate, if he can get you to procrastinate, they don't get you to hurry. And through each of these, we went through an internal conversation that we're having to counter this tactic of so thought. So Biloela suggesting over here is that rather than having this internal conversation, try to remember the emotions that you felt with the prior experience. So for example, when you didn't pray, or you missed a budget one day, how did you feel that day? You felt absolutely terrible, all the time,

00:55:36--> 00:56:15

where you know what, you were so engaged in your Salah, that you tasted sweetness, right? So you use this emotional recollection? And I think definitely, it can definitely be a part of the conversation. But what ends up happening is, emotions don't naturally come to the forefront of your mind. So for example, Fajr time kicks in your alarm has gone off. Our minds aren't trained to think that if I don't pray, I'm going to have a terrible day, like I did on the day that I missed the budget. Like it's too long of a process, if that makes sense. Right? These your process is I need to pray. Because if I don't, Allah will punish me and I won't get the reward. Right. It's a much

00:56:15--> 00:56:24

simpler process that way, but I think it still is a valid way of approaching it. It's just a longer way. Allahu Tanana second question.

00:56:27--> 00:56:28

Any other questions?

00:56:31--> 00:56:36

No other questions? Okay, so let me ask the question, but in the meantime.

00:56:38--> 00:56:41

Oh, you have a question. Did someone raise their hand? Go ahead. Yeah.

00:56:42--> 00:56:57

Yep. You're saying that fear as well. Like the consequent it is I guess it is a conversation. But it's, you know, you're saying like, if you don't pray then if you're the consequences, because I'm just saying from my own personal stuff. So I try to wake up everyday.

00:56:59--> 00:57:03

But I find that it is a bit of conversation, but it's

00:57:04--> 00:57:08

the element of the emotions there. But I think you're right it is.

00:57:09--> 00:57:28

But I don't think it's one of those right or wrong situations. I think it's like, do what works for you, bro. Right? Some people put an alarm clock, other people that are going to let drink a liter of water before they go to bed. Right. As long as you get up for 5g and you pray, you know, job well done. Right. So that's what you want to try to get at. So whatever works, continue doing it and Sharma

00:57:29--> 00:57:32

they've any other questions? So can I ask my question? Bismillah? Go ahead

00:57:47--> 00:57:51

How can you do it when you're single parent, you want to something really funny is we had the

00:57:52--> 00:58:04

the conference on the 25th. And I was speaking to some of the volunteers after. And they were telling me that parents came to the conference to drop off the children. And then he left.

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And I was upset initially. And they Subhanallah like they're taking advantage of a pure service that the machine is providing for free, so that they can learn. But I stepped back for a moment. And I thought to myself Subhanallah What if there are a family in the city that has no other support or help, there's no one to take care of their kids. And this is the first time they're getting alone time as a couple in a very, very long time. So I think something like this could apply to you as well. That you know there's an opera service being provided by the masjid will look after your kids. And this is your time to spend some alone time. Go for a walk reflect on the creation of Allah, you

00:58:44--> 00:59:27

know, have a conversation in terms of where your life is headed. I think that's one opportunity to embrace it. Number two is to develop a social circle, where you know, you do this for each other so couples that have kids, they drop off their kids at one couple's house every week. And all the kids are there that the other couples can spend times by themselves and your situation. Try to find other single parents that need alone time. And then every week the kids come to one parents house so that the other single parents can have some alone time to take care of themselves and do what they like. And then last but not least, is insha Allah when one is financially capable. Find a babysitter that

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they trust to look after it. Allahu Tanana Melis pan with Allah make it easy.

00:59:33--> 00:59:38

So now let me conclude with a question that I wanted to ask all of you.

00:59:40--> 00:59:41

I want you to think

00:59:42--> 00:59:53

of a problematic relationship that you're having right now. It could be with a parent. It could be with a child. It could be with a spouse, it could be with a friend.

00:59:55--> 00:59:59

And I want you to think about what is the conversation

01:00:00--> 01:00:08

that needs to be had to start the process of resolving the issue that you're having with this person. I'm not finished yet.

01:00:09--> 01:00:48

I want you to think of that process and that conversation. And then I want you to think about, and imagine you're sitting in front of this person right now. How are you going to start the conversation? Once the conversation has started? How are you going to force yourself to be quiet? How are you going to force yourself to not haste in the process? Let this person express what they need to express and want to express? How are you going to take it so that you can reflect on their words on their body language on their facial expressions, and on their tones?

01:00:49--> 01:01:33

And then how will you respond to that? I want you to think about that, just for a brief moment. Because I know for a fact we all have relationships in our lives, that are not going in the direction that we want. How do we take the knowledge that we've taken today, to have that conversation with them, and then actually implement it and start the process of resolving and the process of healing with the motivation in mind that the Prophet salallahu Alaihe Salam says that the better of the two is the one that initiates the salam. Meaning that we always want to wait or if someone wants to fix the relationship, they'll get in touch with me. But the Prophet salallahu

01:01:33--> 01:02:16

alayhi wasalam tells us, the better of the two is the one that initiates the Salah. So before we conclude, take a moment to reflect upon that, come up with an action plan for yourself and Inshallah, when you're ready, take action in your life, to help resolving that relationship. May Allah subhanaw taala help us and grant us Tofik Allahumma Amin, couple of announcements. Next week will be the last halacha for this book in sha Allah, and then she comes up is taking over, he will be teaching an Arabic poem on the etiquettes of a student of knowledge and how to live a purposeful life. So inshallah he'll be doing that for five weeks. So I highly encourage everyone to attend that

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as well. Number two, one OMA tickets are available for sale, so may 18. Inshallah, it is happening, you can purchase your tickets online, or on the day of Joomla. At any of the ISC venues, vanilla he Tada. And then last but not least, tomorrow night, we have a halacha at the Fairview Masjid on how to deal with trials and team the knifes at 7:30pm. So please do try to

01:02:45--> 01:02:54

join that halacha as well in sha Allah subhanaw Oklahoma we have Nick shadowline as the Furukawa to Bucha Lake, wa salam alaykum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh