Naima B. Robert – Episode 5 Finding The Balance Can you be both Submissive and Dignified
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Welcome to the final episode of Finding the
Balance,
Rediscovering
the Ideal Muslima.
So we have been exploring a set of
questions together. What were those questions? Test time.
Who is the Muslim woman? What are her
abiding characteristics? And how can we live up
to the standards that have been set for
us by our creator Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala
in today's day and age. Now,
I've got a more interesting question for you
in this, our final episode.
What do we do when the characteristics that
are deemed praiseworthy in our deen
are shunned or looked down on
by those around us or society?
That question is particularly pertinent in this episode
because one of the qualities we're going to
be talking about is
submission.
Now for many sisters today, the word and
act of submission
is a bitter pill to swallow.
And you know what I'm talking about. It's
almost become a taboo.
But as Muslims,
those who submit,
we must reclaim
this word and put it in its proper
context,
no matter what society thinks. And just a
reminder,
Aisha radiAllahu anha
reported that the prophet said,
whoever
seeks
the pleasure of Allah
by the displeasure of people,
get this,
Allah will suffice him against the people.
But whoever seeks the pleasure of people
by the displeasure of Allah,
Allah will leave him to the patronage of
the people.
SubhanAllah.
Big words.
So now, how are we gonna be accepting
and embodying
the standard that Allah, subhanahu wa ta'ala, has
set us and how can we strike the
balance
between characteristics that may seem to oppose each
other.
Today, we're going to be talking about whether
it is possible
to be submissive
and retain your dignity. You don't want to
miss it. Let's go.
So what is being submissive?
Well, according to the dictionary,
it is the action of accepting
or yielding to a superior force or to
the will or authority of another person.
In another definition, it is the action of
being submissive,
of being compliant.
So
in the Quran,
Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala says,
no believing man
nor any believing woman
should exercise
any choice in their affair
once Allah and his messenger
have decided upon a matter.
Anyone who disobeys Allah and his messenger
has wandered off into manifest
error.
This takes us back to the definition of
submission.
Again, in the Quran, Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala
says, our lord, make us fully submit to
you
and from our descendants a nation that will
submit to you.
Show us our rituals and turn to us
in grace. You are truly the acceptor of
repentance,
most merciful.
Again, in the next ayah, but, no, whoever
submits themselves to Allah
and does good
will have their reward with their lord, and
there will be no fear for them
nor will they grieve.
Whoever fully submits to Allah and is a
good doer, they have certainly grasped
the firmest handhold,
and with Allah rests the outcome of all
affairs.
Why have I listed
so many ayaat in one go?
Because I want you to hear how the
word submit is used by our creator.
Submission for us is broken down. There is
submission of the level of submitting to Allah
Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala,
Submitting to the judgment of the prophet, salaam.
Submitting to the deen.
Many of us are okay with that. We
don't mind the idea of Islam being the
deen of submission, and in fact, it's something
that we talk about. But there are aspects
of submission
that in today's society
have fallen out of favor. For example,
submission to those who have
responsibility
for us or authority over us.
Parents,
husbands,
and emir.
Dare we talk about the submissive
wife. Dare we talk about it.
This has become a trigger word
in our society and in our community.
Why?
Well,
one could say that
the modern understanding of submission is that it
is not befitting
that women should not have to submit to
their husbands, that women should be equal partners
with their husbands. And, again, we go back
to
what I mentioned at the very beginning of
this episode, which is
when you seek the pleasure of Allah
with the displeasure of the people, Allah will
suffice you. And so my call for us
on this particular characteristic is to reclaim
what submission means and how submission is seen
by the one who created us. Because
in actual fact,
obedience
and submission to those whom Allah has made
responsible for us is praiseworthy.
It is praised by Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala.
It is mandated.
And the leadership of those who are in
responsibility
is
impossible without it.
So something for us to think about whenever
we get triggered by the word submissive. What
does it mean? Break it down.
Now, of course, there will be those who
say, hold on a minute. Hold on a
minute.
Can't you be too submissive?
What about boundaries? What about when people take
advantage? What if?
Well,
as we've seen throughout this series, our dean
gives us the way to balance.
So if we are going to balance the
submission,
it is with dignity
and honor, izzah.
Let's look at the way that the Muslim
woman has been perceived over time.
In our society for the longest time, Muslim
women have been
looked down on, talked down on.
We are seen as oppressed, depressed, repressed
and every aspect of our identity is held
up for question,
held up for debate.
But
in this space,
I'd like us
to take a moment to remember
that as believing women,
as Muslim women,
we have been guaranteed our dignity and honor
by Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala.
You, sis, yes, you
are a blessed creation of Allah
and He himself has guaranteed your rights.
Allah
has chosen to honor us with this deen
and chosen to honor us with our roles
in this earth and our responsibilities
in this earth. So it is upon us
to proudly say that we submit to the
creator,
to submit to the lord of all the
words. Well, to to proudly say that, yes,
we are submissive wives. We are obedient.
Yes, that we honor our parents,
that our children honor us.
And proudly say that our deen has guaranteed
our rights and has guaranteed our status in
the eyes of Allah.
And this is why we should hold our
heads up high
because our dignity comes from holding on to
our deen
and nowhere else.
As Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala says, and whoever
of you devoutly
obeys Allah and his messenger and does good,
we will grant her double the reward,
and we have prepared for her an honorable
provision.
Another ayah where Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala says,
so he may reward those who believe and
do good, it is they who will have
forgiveness and an honorable provision.
We've been asked to lend to Allah a
goodly loan that will multiply so we may
have an honorable reward. The honor of a
Muslim is sacred.
And how do you embody that? By honoring
and respecting yourself,
by honoring Allah,
rights upon you, honoring the rights that others
have, and holding your head up high as
a Muslim woman.
The sisters and I are going to have
a conversation about this and be extracting lessons
from the life of Aisha.
I know you don't want to miss this.
We'll see you in the next segment, InshaAllah.
As you know, in this segment, I get
to have a good old chat with my
dear sisters, Umtalha
and sister Anissa, about some of the things
that we've spoken about in the episode so
far. So
this was a big one.
Submission.
I talked about submission,
we talked about what submission is,
the Islamic context of submission on the various
levels and we also talked about dignity and
honor. Right?
And the reason I'm excited about this conversation
is because I think you know, as I've
mentioned that the word submission is almost like
a trigger word in our community and society
at the moment. So the the first thing
I wanna do is firstly get your perspective
on,
is submission a dirty word and if so
why? What's going on?
SubhanAllah.
When you look at,
our,
deen, it
it really
encourage us to submit to the will of
Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala.
So when we submit to Allah,
then everything else it becomes clear for us
to, like, you know, accept
because it's not that we are, you know,
falling,
slave to the creation, but we are falling
slave to the creator.
And the creator
knows what's best for us and he has
got certain,
guidance, laws and, you know, a system, you
know, which is the Sharia. So when we
operate within that system, of course, we will
find peace and tranquility because this is the
recipe for us to get that, you know,
much,
desired, you know, contentment that everyone seeks as
human being. So when you align your values
with, you know, the the,
thing that Allah wants you to submit to,
then you would find peace within yourself and
peace with others. And that is what Islam
is in a nutshell when you submit, you
know.
I feel like the society that we're in
at the moment,
peace is not the goal.
It's this.
It's a battle.
It's, you know, generations battling each other. It's,
you know, genders battling each other. It's families
battling each other. It's like there's a big
battle for power, it feels like. What sorry.
What were you what do you think about
this? I think,
I think
I'm gonna be point blank. I think we're
all a bit too emotional.
Maybe because I was brought up around a
mother who was very strong, and I had
brothers around me. And I'm not saying anything
about the females, but I'm I just think
that we're too emotional, honestly. And I think
that's what's clouding us is our emotions. For
instance, if I'm gonna give someone advice on,
how someone needs to be towards their husband
And they're like, well, I'm not gonna do
that for him, but hold on a minute.
You're not doing that for him. You're doing
it for the sake of Allah. But like
you said, the submission is to Allah. So
everything that we do, even if we don't
want to do it, and that's advice that
I'm giving myself and my kids and everyone
else around me, is that you're doing it
for the sake of Allah. And I and
I'll tell you what that submission does. That
submission not only helps you to disconnect
from the emotional side,
but it also helps you to do things
to the best of your ability. Mhmm. So
for instance, if you've got to cook a
meal and your husband's gone out to work,
and you're just like, I don't wanna do
it because I'm tired but hold on a
minute, you're submitting yourself to Allah. And when
you present that meal to him it's going
to be the best meal ever. It's not
gonna be slapped on a plate. It's going
to be made with love. It's gonna be
what he likes and what's good for him
and it's gonna be presented in the best
way.
So I think we need to almost emotionally
detach ourselves away from this trigger word submission
and look at it, like look at it
in just a different light. We're doing things
to please Allah. We're doing things because we
want Allah to be happy with us and
proud of us. SubhanAllah.
Yeah, that that I think that,
even the example that you gave about the
service,
that's almost another s word as well because
there is, I think,
this idea that, you know, being submissive,
serving your husband, serving people in general,
you know, we're too good for that, You
know? That's that's been that's below us. It's
beneath us. You know? Whatever the case may
be as a woman,
as a daughter of so and so, as
a graduate, you know, as somebody who makes
this amount of money. Like, I you know,
I'm I am above that,
which is a very new thing, I think.
It's not something that's always been generationally.
Is it entitlement?
Oh, I like that. Is it the fact
that we feel that we are in a
society of entitled people? You know? I think
maybe, like you said, that's the thing that
is destroying society. I think
the people who are the leaders, do you
see that the best of leaders are those
who serve others? Yes. And people actually like
to be led by people who serve. So
in a household where you are, you know,
devoted to serving your family members,
when you ask them to do something, they
would actually want to comply with what you
have asked for. Because it's a two way
thing, isn't it? You know?
That's another s word,
which is I don't wanna be a slave.
Because you hear sisters saying that. I've heard
sisters
complaining about slaving away, you know? And you
know, and I don't wanna be doing that
all the time or when they're not married,
they think that that's what marriage is about.
It's about slaving away and serving him and
doing all of this stuff. But I'm sorry
I cut you, go ahead, Sis.
The thing is, yeah, whether you like it
or not, we are a slave of Allah,
you know. And that servitude helps us to
deal with all the other challenges that we
face. So when you know who your Lord
is and you are Amatullah, Abdullah,
then everything else, it becomes aligned with that
servitude
because you're in service of Allah, subhanahu wa
ta'ala, by serving your family. You know, you're
serving your community. You're serving your husband. And
I think when we understand that and have
that mindset,
then everything around us becomes easy for us
to deal with because you're not thinking I'm
serving my husband. You're thinking I'm serving Allah
through
serving my husband. Yeah. He's a means. Or
I'm not slaving away in the kitchen to
do iftar for my family, but rather I'm
looking at it as a way of investing
my, you know, time in getting more ajed.
So it's the the whole mindset needs to
change. Another thing about this whole idea that
when you're married, you're just slaving away. The
thing is life,
you know, puts you through different cycles.
And some stages in your life, yes, you
will be doing more of the, say, domestic
tasks. But then other stages of your life,
you'll be doing things that you wanna do,
you know. So there's a time and a
place and you will get your kind of,
you know, share of joy or things that
you want to do.
But you have to be prioritizing those needs,
you know.
And just because you're married, it doesn't mean
that your life comes to an end. For
many people, life begins when they're married because
they can travel, they can do this, they
can do that, you know. So I think
it's a misconception.
Yeah.
I I think also,
just to continue from what you're saying in
terms of from a mother's perspective, you know,
do we look at the concept of being
a slave to our child or being submissive
to our child? No, we don't. Because it's
a natural thing. And if you look at
it,
look at the mother's and child's relationship. We
are up all night. We are carrying that
child. We have to go through pain for
that child. We have to go through so
much
But, no. To serve the need of that
child. Yeah. But we don't look at the
terminology. Like, we don't say that we're slaving
away for our children. So it literally is
to change, like you said, the mindset. Go
back to changing that mindset and know that
you're doing everything for the sake of Allah.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. 100%. And, you know, this
just ties into what I was saying about,
you know, this very much of a modern
notion
that certain things including
being submissive
is beneath our dignity. Right? And you know
earlier on in the show I talk about
you know the Izzah of the Muslim, right?
And the Muslimah, you know and the honor
that Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala has given us.
How can we change our thinking to understand
that in submission there is honor? Not degradation,
you know, not abuse or oppression or any
of these things but there is actually honor
in that submission. How can we do that?
I think in a simple way by knowing
Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala.
When you know Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala, then
you know why certain things are prescribed in
our deen. Mhmm. You know? Let's,
flip it for a moment. Let's look at
the husbands or the men of the family
who have to work to provide for their
family. Equally, they could be, you know,
having that mentality. Why am I slaving away
from my, you know, family and why do
I have to work so many hours? Yeah.
But, you know, it's not like that. You
know, they are responsible
for their women folks so they have to
work. And similarly,
women are responsible for their family. So everyone
So we have to work? Yeah. So everyone
has
their everyone has their like an area of
work and contribution.
Why?
To to to take care of the family
better,
isn't it? You know and to fulfill those
needs. And one should not think, oh I'm
just slaving away because that's a very negative
attitude to have. It's dreadful. It's dreadful actually.
And and the the the the sad part
of it is
you're likely, if you're fortunate enough to actually,
you know, be married and have children, you're
likely to be doing it.
But because you've decided
that it's enslavement, it's you know, beneath your
dignity, it's boring, it's all of these things,
you're going to be doing a task or
doing tasks that you've already decided you hate,
that you've already decided are not fulfilling. In
which case you're gonna be very unhappy. But
like I think, again, like I said, just
keeping it really basic and simple and just
combining what everybody has said here. If you
are doing it for the sake of Allah,
it doesn't matter what the task is.
It doesn't matter if you're cooking. It doesn't
matter if you're beautifying yourself. It doesn't matter
if you're on holiday.
When you do things for the sake of
Allah and that's your intention Yeah. Then, like
I said, you do things to the best
of your ability. And it becomes more meaningful.
Yes. Yes. Yeah. Because you know that whatever
you're engaged in doing,
in the end, Allah is going to reward
you. And it's natural not to like everything.
Yeah. It doesn't mean that's really life. Like,
for instance, a cooking. It doesn't mean that
every time you go in the kitchen, you
think, oh my god, I'm a slave. Yeah.
No. It isn't. You just change that mindset.
I'm doing this for the sake of my
family.
I'm doing this to help them, to nourish
them, you know, so you know that it
becomes meaningful.
And I know you know I've been blessed.
So you look at gratitude. I've been blessed
with all these beautiful ingredient. There's so many
people in the world that haven't got anything.
So you say, Alhamdulillah.
You can turn every scenario and every situation,
whether you feel, like I said, it's enslavement
or submission,
you can turn it all into beautiful examples.
And I think we get that from even
Bilal Radialanhonhanhon
who who was actually a slave, you know,
subhanAllah. And then we look at his life
and, you know, even before he was sold
or tortured, you know, his mind was freed,
Alhamdulillah.
So it's the mentality.
And I think that that is, you know,
at the end of the day,
the gift of Islam is the is the
freedom of, you know, freedom from worship of
the people
and freedom from chasing this dunya.
Because chasing this dunya,
that is what is destroying people and has
always destroyed peoples throughout time. Yes. Hold you
captive.
Yes. And if we're supposed to be like,
you know, we have this beautiful gift of
Islam, Alhamdulillah.
We have the treasure. Well, actually,
go out and be a steward.
So go out and look at that rubbish
that's in the park and it's filled with
people and they're not picking it up and
go and pick it up because you're not
a slave and you're not a rubbish collector
and it's not your duty. You're not getting
paid. But you know what?
You are serving Allah, Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala. So
that becomes a beautiful act. Yeah. And then
maybe outside they will look at us and
say, look at that lady. And then maybe
outside they will look at us and say,
look at that lady. And then they may
look at us in a different time. I
just wanna add one thing is that when
Allah
mentions Muhammad sallallahu alaihi salam in the Quran
in Surah Al Isra, you know, the night
journey from Makkah to Makkah to,
Beitul Maqdis,
Allah actually refers to him as als habd,
you know? I know. Because our, like, honor
is in service of Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala.
Yeah. So that, you know, is something that
we need to bear in mind. And that
really is
the the crux of the matter is that
the honor is in the submission.
Sis, I hope you got something from that.
Please do share your takeaways with us on
socials,
tagging Iman channel and me, Naima B Robert
because this is really what this life is
about is
understanding our role, performing our role and bi
idhnillah
to my parting thoughts you go, I'll see
you on the other side, Insha'Allah.
No one ever asks to be tested,
but even the best of creation,
Muhammad
Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam,
was tested with many disappointments and trials.
In particular
in what came to be known as the
year of sorrow.
In this year, the prophet sallallahu alaihi wa
sallam's life was shaken
in many different ways.
The boycott by the Meccans continued unabated,
draining the fledgling Muslim community.
Then he lost his beloved wife Khadija radiallahu
anha and with her the mother of his
children,
his ardent supporter
and the first believer.
A visit to Ta'if to call the people
to Islam was unsuccessful.
The people rejected him and his message and
chased him from the town.
Indeed,
in spite of the prophet sallallahu alaihi wa
sallam's deep and abiding faith in Allah,
these events shook his world.
We don't ask for the test.
But the truth is,
it is the test, it is the pain
that wakes us up,
cleanses us and brings us back to Allah
Just as we cannot appreciate the light if
there is no darkness,
we cannot appreciate
joy without sadness.
Just as ugliness highlights beauty,
so loss
reminds us of the many blessings we have
in our lives.
If you're going through something, if you are
in pain, if you're struggling,
let's put our pain into perspective.
It is a necessary part of life, a
crucial part of our emotional and spiritual growth
and an important reminder of the temporary nature
of this life
and the fact that this dunya is a
test.
Let us embrace the opportunities for growth, awareness,
and revitalisation
that Allah, subhanahu wa ta'ala, offers us when
he tests us.
May Allah make us of those who are
patient when tried by pain and loss,
compassionate with those who are being tested,
strong in faith and confident in Allah,
returning to him in repentance and gratitude
for every single blessing in our lives. Ameen.
And may he make us of those who
embody the characteristics
of the ideal Muslimer
or die trying. May Allah bless you. JazakAllah
Khayron.