The Best and the Worst #12 – DONT Make Marrige DIFFICULT

Nadim Bashir


Channel: Nadim Bashir


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The importance of parenting and balancing youth with parent rights is emphasized in Muslim society. Representatives advise parents to be strong on their own and not engage in illegal activities. Open-minded parents are crucial to avoiding negative consequences and ensuring a healthy relationship. The speaker emphasizes the need for parents to be open-minded and engage in illegal relationships to avoid negative consequences and avoid knocking on someone's door.

Transcript ©

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logging, though, saw the how

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many Mina Mussolini Sunni

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salam Wa alaykum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh this one Leia Han Rahim, Al hamdu, Lillahi Rabbil Alameen wa Salatu was Salam ala Rasulillah Muhammad, wa ala alihi wa sahbihi aji marine about.

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So this is the series of the best in the worst I want to share with you today a hadith of Rasulullah sallallahu. Today he was sending them were in he says, how you don't Nikka a subtle who the best Nikka is that a one which is simplistic that which is simple. The reason I chose this hottie today is because one of the growing issues and problems I see in our society in our Muslim communities, is marriage has become very difficult today for our youth. So today we have this issue. And I want to be very clear that you know, there are non religious families and you have their children sometimes doing wrong things. I'm not even talking about those families. I'm talking about religious families,

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mother and father are very close to the end, very engaged within going to the masjid engage with their community engaged with their masjid, you know, going out for our purposes, they're doing so much good. And here, these are the families that we see that their children are going out and they're having illicit relationships, they're going out and they have a boyfriend or girlfriend and they're engaging in things that Islam has made prohibited. The question is, why is this happening so much in our society? Why is this happening so much in our community? How many times have we heard and seen good families, mashallah really good families, but sometimes son has gone or mother has

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gone away they have married someone is because brothers and sisters today we have made in Nikka, in a marriage extremely difficult for our children today. And so today, of course, this this lecture and this, this talk has to be really short. And that's what I want to do, I want to keep these talks short. And you know, these are talks that can be discussed on hours n. But today, quickly, I want to share a few things a few advices for our parents and for our youth. And the reason I want to give advices to both is because many times when people go to conferences, people will listen to talks, sometimes advices are given only to the youth in favor of the parents. And sometimes the advice is

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given in favor of the youth, you know, against the parents. So that's why our Dean has taught us always a balance when the Prophet saw some taught us. And he told us about the rights of the husband. He talked about the rights of the of the wife with the policy, I'm talking about the rights of the parents, he talked about the rights of the children. Our Deen has taught us that everyone has rights, and everyone has a certain obligation and certain responsibility. So let's quickly understand this. Number one is for our youth for our youth. When I talk to the youth, when we have youth directors and Imams and leaders of our of our community when they engage with our youth. One

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of the key issues that we find is that youth want to get married very quickly, they want to get married right away. One of the key reasons is they want they don't want to end up in a really illicit relationship. At the same time. Well, Allahu Allah, everyone has their own personal opinion about this matter. What I'm sharing with you is that what our youth have to understand is that while there is a fear of you engaging in a really illicit relationship, first of all, is that you cannot blame anyone for their wrongdoings, you have to be strong on your own boy or girl, you have to be strong on your own and make sure that you do not engage and any of these kind of things that Allah

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has made prohibited. And at the same time, you cannot blame this on anyone else, that you know, this person made me do such and such you have to be strong on your own. If you do something wrong, Allah Subhana Allah is going to hold you responsible and hold you accountable. Now, having said that, I also want to remind our youth that it is also important that you should be responsible before you get married. Yes, I always advise our youth that they should also finish their studies if they if they can. There are some situations and not all situations are alike. It is always case by case. But there are some situations where I have personally given this advice that they should finish off

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their studies. And the at least the person or the boy or the young brother should get a job

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so that he can support his wife when they get married. We learn this even from Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam before Rasulullah sallallahu ala son got married, we learned from Sierra that he was first a shepherd. And you know, being a shepherd is not an easy job. It is not like going to McDonald's or flipping burgers, it is a more much more complex, it is more difficult. It requires more discipline, if you want to be a shepherd. The problem is some is not dealing with human beings, he's dealing with animals. But this is where the Prophet SAW Saddam before he got married, he became discipline in his life, he was able to get onto his two feet, so that he understands that if the day

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comes that I have to get married, and these I have some kind of occupation. So this is something that's very important. We also see that before the Prophet son got married, mashallah, he was so intelligent. And he was such a wise and a smart businessman, that he was able to take the business of digital, the yellow Tirana. And as her servant mentions, that the Prophet SAW Allahu alayhi wa sallam, he was able to create and develop and have in a lot of profit when he was conducting business on behalf of Hadith or the EULA, aha, so this goes to show us the Sierra have the power, some tells us that he was a responsible man before he got married. Now, while this is also

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important, there's also some few key advices that I would always give to the parents. The very first advice to the parents is that when the subject matter of comes, comes up with their children, a lot of times children, they come, they come with this topic and discussion that they want to talk to their parents. And right away without even the parents even listening, they slam this idea, and they say, No, you're not responsible, you have to become a doctor, or you have to have a great job, you need to have a million dollars in your bank before you get married. And they stack up unrealistic expectations against their child, that the child or the son or the daughter thinks that there is no

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way I'm going to be able to get married. Remember, parents, what I have seen what many Imams and leaders in DOD, what they have seen in our society, in our community is, either three things are going to happen when you slam down the situation, and this discussion with your children, three things are going to happen either they're going to listen to you, either they're going to straight up, they're going to listen to you saying that these are our parents, and they're going to listen, I don't see many of our youth falling into that category. The second category is they're going to fall and they're going to engage in illicit relationship. Today, we see that happening many times, within

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within even religious families, too. I've seen this many cases in many situations where you have children from, you know, good families, religious families also, and they are engaged in illicit relationships. Or the third thing is they will go and they will make sure that they engage in a halal relationship, a lawful relationship through marriage, but that marriage will be against the desires of their parents. So this is why it's very important to look at the situation. When the discussion of marriage comes up, both parents and children should be open to understanding each other, listening to each other. This is extremely important. The second issue that we also have in

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our communities is that parents are usually not open to the idea of interrelate interracial marriages. How many times I've come across youth who say that my parents want me to get married to a girl who is from our country, our city, our tribe, our you know, our village, our neighborhood, parents, you are putting unrealistic expectations on your children. Let me make it very clear, there's nothing wrong, there's not necessarily anything wrong from a shutter a perspective. You know, if you want as a parent, if you want your child, your son or your daughter, to get married to someone who comes from you know, from your background, your village and your, you know, from your,

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the same place where you grew up and so forth. To have those kind of, you know, expectations. There's nothing wrong with that. But the problem becomes is that when you stop your child from getting married to someone, and because of these reasons, remember that what the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam he said, number one is he says, Don't go home, or buy when a woman is married for four reasons. When he when he would leave Jamali her Will you marry her when he has to be her while he did he had the problem solve some is telling us the American a woman is married for four reasons her wealth, her family status, her beauty and her Dean and then the Prophet says fall for be that

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Dean give preference to the dean. I hear the misunderstanding is that many people think that Jim does give preference only to the dean

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ignore the rest. The problem is out saying that the Prophet is saying out of these four give preference to the dean. And that means that you can look at the other things you should focus on other things too, in fact, because if a man is not attracted to the woman, then there are going to be issues after the marriage, there are going to be issues after the marriage. So there has to be some kind of attraction on both sides. But the problem is, is somebody's telling us that deen is what you should make as your preference and other Hadith the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, he says that when a proposal comes, and the man that the the the groom has two things, there are two

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things probably somebody mentioned. He says Dean and o'clock, Dean and o'clock And subhanAllah you know, it is amazing that the person he mentioned this, because today we find people who are they view themselves as religious.

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They categorize themselves as religious families, but they are devoid of a clock. They have absolutely no character in their life. I have seen that many times in my life. I'm sure you have probably come across people like that, that people who view themselves as religious families, but they have no o'clock in their life. That's why the Prophet is saying if a proposal comes and the man has been in his life, and he has a HELOC in his life, and the property some says that then you should get your daughter married to them. And he says, If you don't inlet a follow hooter couldn't fit Neptune fill all the while facade on Kabir, there's a Hadith of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa

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sallam, he says that if you don't do that, there will be much chaos on Earth. So this is why parents, if you want your child, your son or daughter to get unnecessarily married from the same tribe, the same background, the same language and you know, even the dialect and so forth. Yeah, that is a wish that's absolutely fine. But to to enforce that upon your child, it is absolutely wrong. If your son and daughter, yes, there are times when the son and daughter does they do come forward. And you know, and the the person that they're there, you know they are thinking about is not a good fit for them. As parents, talk to your children nicely about this. Be humble about it, do

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not slam their ideas down. Do not just completely discredit what they're saying. Talk to them, talk to them gently, just like imagine talking to your own boss, would you ever yell and scream at your own boss, never talk to them like you would talk to someone that you have a great deal of respect for. And and for our youth, always understand that not all the time your parents are going to say something to you that you should just slam it down. And or you should just completely ignore it. Listen to them also, and at the same time, try to see where they're coming to. But I want to make this very, very clear that what are the issues on both end? I asked Allah subhanaw taala to make

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this matter an easy one for us and always reach out to the Imam or the person in your own community that you look up to. Because once again, as I said earlier, that one of the key issues that are the key reason why Zina has increased in our Muslim community. And as I said earlier, not we're not talking about non religious families, even within religious families is because today we have made NECA extremely difficult for our youth. I ask Allah subhanho wa Taala to make this very easy for us. May Allah subhanho wa Taala eliminate Zina and adultery with from our Muslim community. And may Allah subhanho wa Taala make the our difficult matters. Easy one for us. I'm eurobodalla mean desert

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como la Hyatt a salam Wa alaykum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh

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in Muslim ino Alamos Lima de one meaning Mina team one quantity now I looked on it the more saw the pain I was saw the bond the one saw the Rena was love your art the one before she you know she

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wouldn't voice hearing our voice she is the one downside BP now one downside the party was slow on me now was all in

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one heavy Lena photo gentlemen, one half your warranty was the guillotine along I guess.

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What's going on? I don't know hula