The man of my dreams, the women of my heart #4

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Musleh Khan

Channel: Musleh Khan

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Episode Transcript

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That the struggle to achieve and maintain happiness in your life is a struggle that will continue your entire life, it will never end, especially in your marriage. For the person who tries to maintain happiness in the marriage, it's a struggle that will never end. And don't think that just because you get married those first years, that's where the struggle is. And don't think that just because you're married for 50 or 60 years, that struggle should stop. But it will continue as long as both of you are breathing and alive in this world. And having said that, brothers and sisters, I conclude by thanking all of you for being here, and thanking all of you for, for, for literally

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trying to satisfy that hunger and that thirst that you have for knowledge. This is the one thing that I respect the most from students is not I don't respect numbers, but I respect the thirst that the person has. And quite honestly, and I don't say this to praise you. But I say this because this is the reality that I feel and I see as an instructor and as a teacher, as I press you, I see the thirst in you. And I feel that thirst in your attentiveness when you listen to me. And all I can say to you is May Allah azza wa jal continue to teach all of you And may Allah azza wa jal continue to keep the doors of knowledge wide, open, free, wherever you can find it. And may Allah subhanho wa

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Taala reward all of you, I thank you all for welcoming me here and welcoming me and treating me like your own son, not just treating me like a teacher, I really feel like last night, I went out to dinner with a couple of brothers and sisters in the family. And it just felt like I was home. Let's listen to what he felt like. And I didn't even feel well. And they were all showing their concern, or really taking care of me and giving me medicines and everything. Like, I never ever had this kind of treatment in any country that I visited and taught. This is the first time that I've ever had this treatment. And this is why I really badly too. Every time somebody wants to offer me something

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I keep saying no, no, no, no. Because usually when I say no, the person will stop and say okay, fine. Call us okay. He said, No, but this doesn't work here. When I speak.

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I get a basket of like fruits, I get dinner.

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So I have to I mean, I really, really loved it. And what that does what that what the plants in my heart, the plants have very strong love for all of you. And I can only hope and I pray that I have a chance to come back here and visit you. I love to be here amongst all of you, I would love to come back. And continue this continued teaching and continue doing whatever I can to assist you as not only a Muslim community but as my brothers and sisters, of mankind and of the Muslim oma that as a result, whatever efforts I've put forth in sha Allah Lowell accepted from me. And finally last last point I want to conclude with is that those of you who have been with me from since day one that had

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come here, I want to ask you in short laughter I asked a lot as well to forgive me as then I asked all of you to forgive me if it may have said something that wasn't too clear or you didn't understand the concept behind it. Or it was simply my mistake. Or it was simply something that I said that was completely wrong. Please understand that that is a weakness that I have. And I ask you to dig deep within your heart and forgive me for that. I am truly truly trying my best to preach whatever I can't for the sake of Allah and every single thing that I learned and I read a tribe of very very best to preach it the way that I can understand it with wisdom and knowledge. And that is

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something that I ask and I pray Allah subhana wa tada gives me each and every single day, so please ask you to forgive me. These are the words that I leave you with. Thank you very much for your time and your don't don't use deco May Allah subhanho wa Taala Bless you all and if this is the last time we ever meet, may Allah azza wa jal reunite us fee Makati City up named Emily chemoprotective in the earth Hello in Jenin in a place that is close to the seat or the throne of Allah subhana wa Tada. What else do we have to learn Europeana.

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Hello

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Salam Alaikum brothers and sisters,

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is very tired. As you can see my talk is very peacefully agreed to give us some more time without question answers.

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The other things are really more about etiquette. As we move on to the next session where we have the question also, sessions coming up, something that I should have asked you at the very beginning of the class itself, I am sorry, because I'm not this is not my regular job. So I can listen, can I please have all your mobile phones switched off or turn to silent because it is a bit of a problem when the mobile gets ready.

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Second thing I would request is that, you know, the shake is is obviously very tired of After all, this one that his claims with us. So

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let's keep one question per person, let's keep it short and objective. When we do that, the second thing is please raise your hand up so that we have a volunteer, going there with the microphones to and whenever you're addressing, the teacher is addressing as teacher will start or shake, and, you know, find find Islamic way of asking the question, which is it was mentioned, or this is what we thought, rather than saying that, you know, you said or, you know, this is what he had been said by some other shape before. So let's, let's follow those etiquettes of asking questions. So we move on to the question answer session. Next, I would like to ask a question when you said like, you know,

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if whatever that we gain, like, maybe the rich or the poor, we say Alhamdulillah. Even if you are rich, you sell for something better. But in marriage, like sometimes what happens is like if both the families, the girl's family and the boy's family, they're rich. And all of a sudden, like, you know, the like, you know, there is a collapse of like, buildings, or maybe one of the other problems within the business. And the husband is unable to provide the wife, as per her requirement. So it becomes harder on the husband, and even the wife, they lose patience. And so does the husband lose the patience? So on that basis, like, you know,

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what do you think that we all can do? like brothers and sisters?

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Because this is a common thing, which happens down here in this society?

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Yes, hello.

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Okay, so from how I gather your question are basically

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two families or a couple, they've been blessed with wealth, and that wealth was taken away for whatever reason. And either one or both parties lose patience with each other. What do they do? This, again, goes back to, I mean, like I said, patience is not easy. It's not going to be easy to do that. And this is just part of the difficulties of, of the marriage itself, that things are not always going to be stable. All I can advise you to do is that both couples have to work this out. And they have to understand and realize that today, you might be rich tomorrow, Allah snatches it away from you. Tomorrow, you may be very poor, but the day after ulimate gives you a lot of wealth.

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That's the reality of life. That's not something that anybody can control. So what has to happen is that when both parties have an open mind, and they're prepared to each day can be a new day, that helps out a lot. So when I say that, when a person says of how to do that, because of the wealth, or Hamdulillah, without the wealth, what that should do is that it mentally prepares you that every single day, if life changes, we should always be content about it. We should always be content, no matter what happens each and every day and every single day, a game that's not easy. I mean, I'll be very honest with you, because a lot of instructors when they mentioned points like this, the

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assumption is, we shouldn't be doing it and it should just come naturally to us. This is something you have to mentally train yourself to do. And the reason why I say that is because our cultures and our traditions have twisted and turned our frame of mind so much that we can't see the beauty and the ease in doing this. We can't figure out that it's actually easy for me to be content about everything in life. Why? Because my culture

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Where'd it come from? Or how it grew up, or the house that I live in or this or that taught me otherwise? So you just need to sort of there should be some sort of compatibility in terms of the contentment between both both parties and inshallah, who that will help both people have a better appreciation for what comes in their in their marriage. Let me just take a step up with the sisters.

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No way, are you serious?

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Want to shoot?

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It has, as I have known that, in grants has been mentioned that

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the slaves and whites have been allowed for

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the owners. I am not sure about these verses. Could you please explain.

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Okay, this verse here that you're referring to is a verse that is mentioned in sorta 10. And they said, there is a similar verse in it that's mentioned in solitary Magadan, it's talking about the slaves. Now, slavery is a concept that we it's a concept that we don't have anymore in Islam. But some scholars also have said that this verse here applies to a servant, which is not of course, the degree of a slave. Now, what that means is that when we say that the servant is high that for that person means that yes, they can have had our relations with them. However, there are various strict conditions behind this. Because one can imagine that if this was the scenario, you could easily take

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advantage of a situation like this, I totally understand that as well. This is why scholars, they put very strict conditions, perhaps one of the most strict condition is the permission of that servant, you actually have to get permission from her, she is not forced to have any relationship with her quote, unquote, Master, unless you allow them she's given other she gives permission for that. So basically, her consent, so she says, No, I just want to be a servant, I just want to work under you the case is closed.

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But a lot of people overlook that tiny little detail. Because the eye just says, oh, man medicate a man. It just says whatever you own. And that's it just take advantage. I mean, that it may look that way. But if you look, and you dig into the Tafseer, it is quite the contrary. And again, there's other conditions, depending on what the job that person does, and what kind of duties are given to them. What's the relationship? There's so many other factors. Again, once we read the test enemy, for those of us here, I don't know of any two series that will be relevant for all of us, except an English one, which is the pseudo Ibn katheer, the 10 volumes, just go into that see it and look up

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this a and solar 10 Nisa, I don't know the number. And you will see for yourself, he has a very beautiful and detailed discussion where he brings a lot of different narrations, a lot of different headings to explain this point. And he mentioned also some of the conditions behind it. Okay. I hope that that sheds some light.

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And thank you very much for visiting Bangladesh. Now I'd like to my question is basically threefold. First of all, I'd like to ask about how much do you think that we should spend in our wedding ceremonies, because these days, the tradition is like, you know, you spend as much as you can to show off your colleagues that you know, you belong to this nice, higher end of the society. So I'll pause a policy there, hold on, hold on to the mic. So how much should you spend on a wedding ceremony as much as you want? The shediac doesn't cap a limit to how much how extravagant a wedding should be. However, when do you know if you're too extravagant? You know, when it's too extravagant

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when you go beyond the norms of your culture. So what's considered to be too much? That's when you know you've gone over the border, you look over the line. And then and if you do it for those reasons that the brother mentioned that you're doing it just to show your colleagues or your family, hey, look, I can do this and I can afford to do that. And obviously that's a problem not only for the wedding ceremony, that's a problem for anything to do. Anything I'd have come with the catheter. That's what that whole verse is all about. However, keep in mind, the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said that the marriage that has the most blessing is the simple one. Okay?

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The second and the third one is regarding the dollar money. First of all, how much do you think it should be? I mean, is it according to the capability of my own money? Or will it also be referred to that of my parents money? Someone comes from a well off family. And then the third one is, the provisions regarding deferring the dollar amount against the culture in this country seems like, you know, the dollar money should be 10,000 pounds, I'm paying 2000 pounds at the moment, and then I'll pay the tax later on, which remains unpaid for the rest of the life. So regarding that, okay, so how much should a Maha or a dowry money be? Allah says in the Quran, and I think we quoted this

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yesterday, was to the south of southern poverty in America, or I mentioned this in the course, Allah says, orders the men, give your women a set up pod setup pod is another word for dalry.

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And says, Give them Nicola. Now sisters, what does it mean?

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sisters got a doubt copyright.

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That literally means a mountain of gold. That doesn't mean that you literally try to get as much as much as you can. And you give it to her. What that means is that a lot as well, which gives you that image to try to put as much effort as you can to give her the best gift that she can, that she that she wants. Now, part of the etiquettes of getting a manga is this comes from the sisters. Now the sisters, part of the etiquettes of when you ask for a mode is that you asked for a mother mother, based on the capabilities of your husband. So you have to determine that if he can afford to buy you let's say a computer, you're not going to ask him for a car, you're going to ask him for something

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that's of a value of a computer. Keep in mind that if you don't ask for a materialistic object, you can also ask for a service. So if the husband can't afford to give you anything, then you can say I want you to cook for six months. And then that counts as a valid mouth. I want you to cut the grass for two years or something, right? That counts as a valid model. You can you can turn it into a service as well. So sisters, just keep that in mind. Okay, it's a good option. So just use it with it if you feel the need to use it. Now coming to the last part of the question, suppose you do agree to it, but you can't pay it off in time. So you start paying off it in installments. And you start

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off pretty good, you pay an installment but then it stops for whatever reason. Now this here, the man who does this is sinful in the sight of a month, because the Maha is a writer that is mutually agreed on pre marriage. So he's agreed from before he did the kneecap that it will pay you 20,000 Tucker's so when he gets married to her now, to happen here, either he has to borrow money or find other means get another job and pay off the Mahal. Or he has to ask permission from his wife to excuse him from this. So she has to decide, Okay, you know what, you've given me half of the Maha, you don't have to worry about the rest. She She has to decide to complete and she's under no

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obligation if she decides that I don't want to tell them. She can literally say no, I want my 20,000 Thank you very much. You know, she's allowed to do that as well. This is one of the primary rights that Alice given given her. But like I said, going back to that one Hadees that I've mentioned in the first question, the simplest marriage is the marriage that has the most bottom, remember that there was a companion of the purpose of the long run, he was setting it up, that married a woman and the Maha was just teach her a sort of the core end. Okay,

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teach her a sort of the core. And that was it. And she was completely content with it. hamdulillah I have done marriages for a lot of couples where the mother was just the husband was going to teach her full time. So it's actually something very common, at least for us. And if this Maha issue is a problem, remember, as we mentioned, this is an Amana trust with a lie. So the men who does not complete the MA without a valid reason, or the consent of his wife is sinful in the sight of Allah for doing that.

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A couple of questions here.

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Could you please let the sisters know which shapes of mercy missions are unmarried