Session 57 Using & Misusing Anger
Date:
Channel: Munir Ahmed
Series: Munir Ahmed - 40 Hadith of Imam Nawawi
File Size: 61.53MB
Related
- Sajid Ahmed Umar – Provisions for the Hereafter Series Part 17
- Sajid Ahmed Umar – Successful Parenting #05
- Ahmed Hamed – Top 10 Reasons Why You Should Know Your Creator Part 2
- Ahmed Hamed – Powerful Reminder – Last Chance #Shorts
- Ahmed Hamed – Challenges In Life, An Islamic Recipe I
- Abu Bakr Zoud – The Dangers Of Killing The Innocent Soul
- Musleh Khan – Controlling Your Anger
AI Generated Summary ©
The conversation covers the negative impact of anger management on behavior and its importance in avoiding regret and control of emotions. It also touches on the negative impact of "will" and the importance of parenting in society, particularly in regards to parenting and parenting. The speakers emphasize the need for strong anger management and the use of "naught" in English to remind people of a shutdown. The conversation ends with thanks for attendance.AI Generated Transcript ©
hamdulillah Al Hamdulillah here or below the mean or salat wa salam ala NBI well Celine while early he was suddenly he as you might eat a mama and
a yo, yo Salam aleikum wa rahmatullah wa salam ala to Allah and you have a couple minutes for your fill in as the new banana where you feel unnecessary attina ness and who beilman Nafi who are risking worse yet? Wha le Hinata what Caillou ye Leigh Hill mercy. Well, however La Quwata illa biLlah Hill allergy la creme. Praise be to Allah Lord of the Worlds Peace and blessings on the Prophet Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam after saying slam two brothers sisters, we ask Allah as always to accept from us
and could forgive us to always guide us to showers mercy upon us. We ask Allah to give us why
give us beneficial knowledge and understanding and give us wide sustenance. We are utterly dependent on Him and to Him is our turn that is paramount except that of Allah
a bit of a stopgap last week but we back to completing the Hadith that we began with before that and that is Hadith number 16 If I remember correctly, and in radiotherapy Allah will
just be some Lucha Libre, some of them are all old cine all less terrible
than Mirada. And,
Paul, last time,
this Sunday theme, as we said is in a hurry to remind you that say a man can profit Syslogs center, give me advice counsel me the promise I sort of don't get angry. He repeated his request.
Many times yeah. And repeated it. So the Prophet saw some in each time replied, Don't get angry. Now version of that, of course was in afterward where the man actually says goodly Poland will happily Allah.
Let me ask you to tell me some advice or words, but be brief so I can understand it. And the promise is on went on to say, don't get angry. And he repeated requests. And that's what I thought it was a few words, wasn't it? So we discussed all that.
Various versions of it. And when we looked at various other ahaadeeth, which were to do, mostly the week as to what to do when get angry, like making wudu, like sitting down laying down all this kind of thing? Well, as we said last time, there's no harm in doing those things. They don't have to be from authentic hadith, if it helps somebody. And it makes sense that perhaps it would help somebody but we'll come to that.
And then we also mentioned
aside from that, the Prophet SAW Selim the issue that did he get angry because I meant to you that says Ouroboros when his book claims that publicized angry, so we went through various attributes about the prophesy some getting angry sallallahu alayhi salam, but not going beyond the limits, when it came to behavior. So the conclusion was, what we understand from it, and various things that we looked at, that it is not getting angry with, to send is part of our fitrah our very nature. Yeah, but the consequences of anger that we supposed to control our anger, not that we actually don't get angry. And of course, the idea of if we are personal keeps on getting angry that we need to really
self check as to what is the problem and the problem will be more of a sexual problem or lack of sporadic closeness to Allah subhanaw taala because that will our Solana dictionary reminders are there to to calm things Yeah. So that we can get angry at time but if we are constantly being an angry person, people nowadays they need she he or she needs anger management. So go for anger management, but anger management was psychologists and counselors will not do deal with your spirituality and your limpid Allah. This is Allah and His messenger. We're giving you advice about anger and controlling it. Okay? So it's not limited to the material and the touchy feely world it's
a deeper
issue and linking with Allah smart Allah is the reality of our humanity, isn't it? So, when we ignore that aspect, then yeah, perhaps undermines what works for people. But for us as believers, the reality of that is our link with Allah subhanho wa taala.
Quran itself
gives the idea of people getting angry, not that they don't get angry. So you have for example, Allah subhanho wa Taala
talking about
believers and those who depend on our last one, I have to buckle in him. Yeah. And then in Surah Assura, which is 42 Verse 37, Allah subhanaw taala says in desire, will Adina judge attorney buena cada if me well, phenoix he shall work. Now all the Boo home yellow fiero, for those who stay away from the major sins and from indecency. lewdness that means sexual indecency
Why is that not what the Boo and when they are angered become angry by something. So there you are gradually seeing when they become angry. It's talking about the best of people the most Sakina matawa Killeen What are kiloohm talking that when they become angry buy something home yellow fever or something like some angry they are those who are forgiving. Yeah. So forgiving is the response of the control of the anger there is a consequences not just control control in the sense that they forgive that when that something may have legitimately angered them actually
it's not that they become angry. They're this anger that can be out of an unjust switch if it were just losing it for no reason, right? Actually then maybe the actual perpetrator of the wrong and they become angry with the victim instead as though some of these don't run command this is twisted Of course this is much worse. But now we're talking about actually something that does legitimately make a believer angry even in that case that control and they are those who are forgiving. Yeah whom young fit on. Same idea is brought out about what tacchini and Moxie mean, their attributes the people who are God conscious and mindful of Allah and those who are the doers real doers of God
Allah so Allah says in surah Al Imran
verse 132 onwards Allah smart Allah says, We're sorry, who will Fiat in near Rob become Magellan nothing out to do ha. Why Jen nothing Arado has some word well out? Or is that little more talking and run or race all of you, race or run all of you rush all of you to the forgiveness of your Lord
mcdata Mira become and a paradise gardens which is expanse is the expanse on the heavens and the herbs which has been prepared for a deadly move again for those who are booked again. Who are they Lavina Falco Nafisa Ra, You are God war, those who spend both in
plentiful mix and in difficult times they spend meaning in the way of Allah and giving charging us for it means you infrequent officer right you want variety and what else Allah says about these motor gain.
While cow they mean why, why you is one of them. And Calvin Kalama is to control the anger those who control the anger well Kaldi me now oh boy, while Fein I mean,
I'm here Allah saying that pardon people. So another is linked with controlling the anger. It's not that they just control the anger and they they live with the rage inside them about what people have done to them. No, they are those who pardoned others while our fina and the nurse will law who you hate bull Mazzini. And Allah loves those who are books in in they described as more cine Mosinee intent on axon. So even somebody legitimately has caused them harm and it's angered them but they control it and they still pardon them. These are more seen as Allah explains in the Quran. Another part Allah says
in Surah, Surah again, verse 14, Allah, Allah says, Allah Dena is father
The World Bank you home tercio for those who when they have been oppressed or wronged Yeah.
And they defend themselves they are demanding justice so young Tassie room however going to Allah says, we'll just say he
said he told me slow her. And the compensation for an evil being done is an equal is evil in equal measure? Yeah, that's what justice isn't it but look what axon is which is a similar idea in the previous verse I mentioned to you well, law will you remember Mazzini and Allah loves those almost any So here Allah puts in a different way, even though it's justice to require equal fairness, bad done, but returned of equal measure, myth myth, Lucha Furman alpha and then our farewell Isla have aired Yahoo. Law and whoever pardons and makes amends with the person who was even done wrong to them. Subhan Allah, that this is correct. This is the encouraged character for believers from the
Quran, from the Prophet saw so many offer what US lahat for as you who Allah Allah to encourage us Allah saying, then the reward of that person who is with Allah Subhana Allah with Allah.
And then Allah says,
In now hula, you will hate both volley me, surely he Allah, He doesn't love those who are wrongdoers. So this is an encouragement for the personal wrongs being done to that not only do they get that reward from Allah subhanho wa Taala for that kind of forbearance and control, but that the wrongdoers don't get away with it. So that's why Allah says Allah doesn't love the wrongdoers, despite somebody doing wrong to you emotionally, mentally or physically, though don't think that even though you're part of them, Allah doesn't love those who does this kind of thing doing wrong to people.
So great hope in that as well. And then
that's, I could mention it was but that gives you a just an overview of controlling anger being linked with pardoning and forgiving and that shows you that controlling anger in a situation where somebody has wronged us some of the verses are actually suggesting
Yeah, never mind that you're the perpetrator and you're angry. So what do you think the situation for that person is? Because there's there's an overlooking but there's a self check on themselves, stop doing the harm and the evil with your anger. So you're now from the volley mean if you're doing that
you will become from the volley mean, nevermind those who are receiving and finding and forgiving. So that's also in the statement of laptab Don't get angry because you are in danger of becoming a from the wrongdoers so that controlled
one of the authentic hadith and behind the Muslim that many of you many of you will know.
A mentioned about the strength of a person who will control their anger. That's why the prophesy sort of famously said, Lisa shoddy do pay Sarathi in the Masha de Du namah Shalida levy M Liko NAFSA. Who in a lot of Ottawa who Buhari were Muslim, Rahul Buhari, were Muslim. Probably start saying the strong one isn't the one who is able to throw the people in wrestling. Yeah.
The strong one is only the one who is able to control themselves in the hot tub when they become angry. That's the strong one before Allah. So In another Hadith, similar Hadith in Sahih, Muslim, the Prophet says bilenda Massoud says that the prophesy some asks he says, my attack will do in a certain sequence so Rafi from what do you count as somebody who is the strongest
wrestler? Yeah, the strongest person amongst you? Yeah.
Gonna, Allah de la that's not will return.
So I'm glad NumbersUSA we said is the one who cannot be overthrown by other people. That's the person so in other words, he's overthrown but he can't. He can't be thrown all over in a wrestling match. Then the police start saying Lisa Malika that's not the strongest
And that's not the strong word in reality because he's talking about character now, which is more important than just for physical strength. Will our team know who Allah the young little enough so in deliver dope however, it is the one who controls themselves when they become angry. Subhanallah Yeah, so that hadith, of course, is very famous and authentic.
Now,
you see,
Hans, controlling the anger also has
to have consequences. It's not just a matter of controlling ammo momentarily, and then losing it afterwards and still carrying out bad things. Despite saying I've control my anger. Yeah.
So
what are we talking about, really about this hadith? In other words, what have some less of a picture of what are generally the consequences of anger?
The consequences of anger are linked with the word something that we say or do to become sinful, therefore long to another person, or to another beam, or even to an animal. Imagine getting angry and kicking a dog in the backyard side, or a cat. Yeah. Is that allowed? Or is it sinful to sinful? Yeah. So something we may say, which may be unjust, which may be nasty, yeah. Do doing or saying something which is sinful or something which may, which we may regret afterwards,
which we may regret afterwards. So it may not be sinful, per se. But we've said something or done something that we regret that we basically said makes us the link with it being sinful.
For example, from the becomes unrewarded, they normally do swear, swear. So you swear at somebody? Yeah. If it's sinful, of course, it's simple to serve somebody, you've caused some abuse. It's called verbal abuse, isn't it? That's what it's called swearing at somebody. Some people try and justify swearing and saying, everybody does it. Well, everybody lies as well nowadays, but does that make it right? No, it doesn't. So one of the things people commonly do is swear others or insult them or abuse them. abused them. That's all verbally. Yeah, they say things which are nasty even say, Why didn't swear, but what you said was cutting. Yeah. Pete and many people don't realize these
cutting remarks, or even a cutting Look. Isn't that right? Something you do with your eyes give somebody a dirty look. People do that even without getting angry. So imagine with anger so dirty look can be simple because you're giving somebody a dirty look which is going to be bad for you in the end because you're looking down upon somebody and and that can hurt somebody for seeing somebody. Somebody gives you a dirty look you don't exactly feel happy with them do and you haven't done anything to them.
Or people insult in their swear words even parents. Yeah, even though the parents are not and that's very common among society at a time when the prophesy son that's why the province does not say
hello not be open be Akbar mingle. Kava Shala inform you on the biggest of the medicines. They said.
Bella Jana so Allah they said yes, so messenger of Allah. Yeah, he said after shake it is to insult and swear and abuse your parents. So they say Yara Sula, how can one of us abuse be abusive and insult our own parents? He said, It is like someone insults or is abusive, yet to some to someone's parents, and they are abusive in return,
to even return back abuse, or both are doing major sins. So that's the kind of things people do, isn't it? Or the hit someone in anger hit someone
that brings me too the issue of
or do something which is regretful like a husband becoming angry with his wife and saying I divorce you
in anger. Does that divorce count? That's the question we will look at.
But before I go into that, I don't want you to think about that.
Any answers?
Somebody becomes enraged with his wife, even though she might have done something wrong. And he says he says I divorce you
I don't think he counts in anger. No.
Anybody else?
I think he does.
Okay guys, speaking medically so he's competent. He's not demented. And he's saying that with consciousness with no reaction still counts, I think sorry. Isn't
that good to hear your opinions that good to hear voices? Okay. We'll come to it in a moment. Yeah.
Is it simple?
Yes,
I would say, and you will go refers
the ones who said it counts.
No, shouldn't be a fear.
Don't think.
Sorry. It's not. Because the love is from Allah. And he wasn't made something lawful simple.
Okay, so that's the question. Are you allowed to pronounce the voice when you're angry? What are we just been talking about consequences of anger? What can it be?
You say things that you're sinful and things you'll regret?
Yeah. Why are we being told to control anger? Because in a rage people do things and same thing with a sinful.
Right? So if you're in that rage, we'll come back to it in a moment now. Now we have children, because we have a real situation we get angry all of us, don't we hands up anybody who has never got angry.
It should be complete silence. And obviously we put in our hands. That was true, isn't it? So the fact is we get angry? is anger justified at times? That's the question, isn't it? We have to ask ourselves. And that is, for example, let's take bringing children of
children, whether the youngsters or whether they're teenagers, especially. Can they do things that make parents angry?
Yeah.
And the other offers, parents especially.
Should we get angry with children do something wrong?
That's my question.
Yes, we did.
So we shouldn't get angry.
No.
Well, no, we shouldn't. But we do we do. First and foremost. So is it getting angry that's been submitted?
No. And this is
how we justify getting angry with children at times, our children, they could be 17, probably 16, could be 15. Right? somebody's gone and knocked the hell up and given the black guy, beating them another kid down the road and stolen their bike. So he comes home and it's my son. I'm not allowed to get angry.
Should I be angry? Yes, of course, you shouldn't be angry. This is injustice has been done.
However, it's what I do after the anger. That's what we're talking about, isn't it? How do I deal with the scenario?
I get angry. I must get angry because if he thinks I'm not angry, I'm smiling. Yeah, it's brilliant. I'm not angry. was the guy gonna think what you're telling your children?
So okay, okay. Don't do it again, do it to a few more.
And if the younger they'll get the same message, but they haven't done some now. So this is a bit about raising children. Look, you get angry, but what you're about to do after you get angry is where it matters. He fired get angry and start swearing at him and hitting him. Right? That's where the problem lies, isn't it? What is he just learned from me?
Fair enough. He's realized that it's wrong what you did, but what else have you learned? He's gonna learn that you're angry to hit back. It's fine to get when you get angry to hate others, and it's fine to swear others as well. And the parents swear their children I've seen loads of times where children and I'm not talking about non Muslims
as possible.
Sorry.
say horrible things first, okay, well.
People didn't understand that question and pushed up so you can't get away with a pushed up either. Okay. In other words, you can't revert to a different language like Chinese and Japanese and swear in Japanese and say, well, that's alright. You understand?
There's no point in that anyway, look, so do you understand what I'm saying?
So there's getting it
Great. Now, the only thing here you want us to point out? Is that
nine year old kid, right? He drops his knife or fork or spoon on the floor. Right? Do I get angry? Kosala?
Right. This is where we have to think as parents, right about if it's something not so serious yet, there's a way of dealing with it. If it's something really serious, yeah. Then of course, you know, the anger if I'm getting angry everything then the child cannot tell the difference between that which is trivial insane. And that which is big. Is that true? or false?
The can't Is there a difference in things that children and adults do interesting level? Yes, of course there is. But if you get angry everything then kind of Fogra Monroe I got you know, I can't even sneeze all breeds
that our parents like that because they're not brothers and sisters.
Yeah, not just get angry. Then carry on beyond that don't go beyond the boundaries. Yeah, if you're being hit for example, then I might get angry. Angry itself to show the anger. You can show the anger without swearing words. Shouting all the time. Is there an example? Yeah.
In in
Ankara, Swati la Sol to Hamid, what does the Quran say? The most hated voice is that of the donkey braying? Yeah. What's that talking about? It means when you get angry, just shouting, I'm bawling. So even shouting, not swearing. If I'm shouting at my children all the time.
It's not gonna have much effect, is it? Because they'll think Well, I can't, Well, nothing's right. Everything's wrong. I do. That will cause psychological complex. Okay, won't it?
So, that is the and this is about now control.
Yeah, about being an angry person or angry mother angry father. Yeah. And control means about remembering Allah, about vicar of Allah. Yeah. And, of course, quite rightly psychology sciences, right. But if somebody's not had enough sleep, right, they're more likely to get hungry, you fuse is going to be shorter. So you have to be even more careful than the am I losing it? Yeah, if a child, child by child, I don't mean a six year old, if your son or daughter does something, which they do, which is small, and the most of the time they get away with it. And then you suddenly become angry one day, then they're going to be confused, not being consistent. Or if they do something major, and
you don't do anything about it. They're also going to be confused. So we have to think and that's why the mind thinking and and they're actually removed and stops the mind from thinking in a controlled fashion in a wise way how to deal with the situation.
So somebody's done what I described earlier, the son comes home, of course, you're going to be angry, but you're going to explain them how you deal with it. Yeah, in a car where so you're not hitting are swearing, but you calm yourself down, but they know that mom and dad are really angry with this. And perhaps you take them then to go and apologize directly to the individual and the family and apologize. Yeah. and own up to the school. But it was a disgrace. Yeah. Like,
like, what happened in Bradford when I have to give the example. Many years back now.
There was demonstrations going on against the police in Bradford City about 15 years 20 years ago.
And many Muslim boys came out, started burning cars and causing property damage to people who just general public has nothing to do with the police. Yeah. And it caused harm to lots of people and their businesses and property by burning the cars and even homes and shops and looting. Right. Some of those parents realized that it was their son who would have been involved. Yeah. And some of them, not majority of them, took their own son by the ear, took them to the police station and said This one's guilty.
Yeah,
that's what I'm talking about. Yeah, so that's called being just but being angry nevertheless, but taking steps which are honorable and just at the same time as well, and not just completely losing it and that's what we're talking about in this hadith when promises
So st Don't get angry. It's impossible for us not to get angry when certain behavior is being done by the children. Do we ever hit our children? Are we supposed to ever hit our children?
leading question, you know what the law in the in this in this country is?
Yes.
And it changed years they allowed a small smack on the hand or smack on the legs, but I think it's even frowned upon that as well now, isn't it? So? Personally, I've always said, I haven't got a big problem when child's been so terrible. Yeah, that
very light slap on the leg on the hand, but nothing beyond that. But if you can avoid that, I believe it's better and use other kinds of parents do have punishments of stopping something stopping the pocket money, with young children putting on the naughty step, etc. We're going into all things of ways the means and as some people justify it from Islam, but you know what the example the prophesy Islam said was mentioned by another minute I said that the prompts are never even an animal nevermind a child or a woman Salallahu Alaihe Salam so that's the example is getting us. Of course there's a famous Hadith which is reported in Abu Dhabi, which we're not going to mention
about hitting
it about the prayer
good
interview though there's a hadith in which the prophesy Salam said Morrow Allah that can be solid order your children order your children to pray start praying that prayers were home Abba now will southern sub ascending when they get to seven years old very popular be very famous used by lots of Muslims around the world
and
moral here ordered them itself can only mean encouragement you can't order that's I'll come back to in a minute. You can't all get
the children to do something which isn't is it an order for them? Is it obligatory for a seven year old to pray?
You No, no. So then the the order when prophesize and Mauro must be understood that it must mean encourage them or
encourage them it doesn't mean order them if you do literal translation will come across as order that how can you order a seven year old when he's not even obligatory on them? So context needs to be understood. Then it says what yeah as reported what do we boo whom Allah then smack them upon it? Yeah, to get them to do it. Well, whom Abba now will
I should sing
when they are 10 years of age? And I like I have explained this word rebou Whom I lay her what Rebo Allah something doesn't necessarily mean smack them either. Yeah, what rebou Allah can mean stand over them push them be more insistent with it? Yeah, language can be used in that way. What rebou Allah you have meaning get cross? Yeah, be more insistent. Yeah, even getting angry could mean what rebou Allah whom Allah you were hung up now as you're sinning, but it can have the meaning of smacking them for this issue. Well, funnily kubina hoof in my dodgy area which is not relevant to our discussion today and separate them when they are 10 years of age in their beds now.
Shareholder This is a number of those shall Barney says it is a hassle. But my teacher shall de la Muhaddith says it is life and I believe and accept that opinion. This hadith is not authentic. It is lies even shall Barney when he says has an obviously there's issues with it. There is a problem in its chin. So this whole beef is life. Yeah.
But the idea of encouraging our children to start praying at 7896 Yeah, we started encouraging our first time start praying and fasting and five years of age. Yeah, that's absolutely fine, isn't it? Because we don't have a beef with you the authentic doesn't stop us from doing that because it but we certainly are and I never liked the idea that with Salah come smacking. We already have a problem and had has had for decades and perhaps for centuries in the Muslim world. That smacking with the stick became linked with the movie in the mouse with drove so many Muslim youngsters. They did manage to carry on the mouse. Yeah. Because the parents forced them to go
But as soon as they finish from it, they never went back to the mosque because he only remembered the mosque with that dark image of a stick and the Mallanna losing it all the time when he made a mistake, and his recitation is smacking him around the arrow.
Yeah. And some really were abusive, and have their stories that no nobody knows about. People are more careful nowadays. Yeah. But even in the 70s and 80s, this was going on. Yeah.
So, you see, and that negativism that drives people away from his heart and then you link it with the salaat? What kind of Salah am I going to start loving to pray to Allah when I get clipped around the ear or from my parents or from normal me all the time? Yeah. Or even worse smacking with a stick because some people justify us smacking more than because the word wonderboom is being used in this hadith and without
bow hamdulillah it is not authentic.
And that's what I believe. Anyway, it's not authentic. How can Salah which is about endearment and closing coming close to Allah subhanho wa Taala begging him for his mercy. Yeah, through love. That's, that's how we should be teaching. And that's, I believe that there's no room for really hitting children, our children
getting angry, and being careful when we get angry with something which is very serious to us wisdom and calmness of how we should deal with it. How should we deal with it? How to develop love in our children for Allah love for the messenger? Yeah, that can only happen primarily comes from example the parents. The parents are not praying five times a day themselves. There's no point shouting at the children and say a prayer is
so bit hypocritical listening with
a parents are swearing themselves and cheating the system. And then they say, Well, don't lie, don't cheat.
Well, kind of, they're gonna follow your example. Absent speak louder than words.
So these things are crucial when we're talking about even getting angry with children. Now, what about getting angry with adults and our own children become adults? Some states don't. But now we can't keep treat them even like children. Yeah, so we can still do we get angry with adults who have abused and Rundas cause the ground is saying when you get angry, but it's saying then control yourself. How you behave with that person about getting the car now, even though Yeah, you don't want your 17 year old say.
I'm not six year old because you're still behaving with them as though he was a six year old. Yeah, trying to click around the air all and they're standing over there above you. Not very wise. It wasn't wise, even when he was a six year old to do it was it? So for now, it's about treating them like adults. It's about the see her advice. As we aside from the family, talking about
spouse, husband and wife, with parents. Yeah.
And with friends or colleagues with people in the public at large. Yeah, who abused you, or as cold and you become angry or being unjust to you? Yeah. What's Allah saying in the Quran about a foul about pardoning and forgiving and those who forgive those who power them? Other peoples and they control their anger? Yeah. Subhanallah that's the kind of character that we're talking about why the wrestler who throws people over isn't a strong one is this person that's being encouraged. In other words, all believers become like this person, be strong and control of yourself. Don't let your rage and anger take you into a situation where you somebody's done
injustice to you, and you do abuse and injustice. Injustice back to them.
Yeah.
And isn't that one of the things and anger is not an excuse on a day of judgment? Yeah, ya got angry and I did all that I hit him and her because I got angry. Yeah, Allah, I was abusive and swore at him because I got angry. So the person who's the most less and the bankrupt one on the Day of Judgment, comes with all their salon fasting as a prophesized for him said, then comes the person who they abused then the person who they swore up then the person who they hate, right? What did they do? They take all the good deeds from the person who did that to them. And that person sitting there handing away good deeds doesn't sound like they're doing Yala became angry.
Yeah, yeah, I became angry and that's what I did it so is he forgiven? No, he's not he's good deeds are taken away and bad deeds given to him. So much so that if that if there's so many people despite whether it's out of anger or otherwise you abused in various ways, you can end up in hell fairings instead as the Hadith X
waves.
So when we're talking about
behavior with adults again, yeah. And now we're not talking about another situation is people at large in the public doing bad things,
doing bad things. Yeah. Not necessarily to us.
But we see them.
For us, as believers boozing this going, messing about drunk taking, blah, blah, blah.
You know, I remember going with my grandson on a couple of years ago, the day after II to rush home, and the car park, where we went to park the car to get some food to the restaurant was full of these little bottles. And I was surprised because
initially, I never knew what these bottles were apparently, these are all drugs to take to get high. And that carpark was full of Muslims the night before on the day of either the night of Eid, but it had been them who'd been taking it? Does that anger me upset me? That I now there's something called upset without getting angry? How do I deal with it? If I saw people doing that? Do I go out and just start shouting and bawling them is not going to do any good.
Or if we see a seed sin being committed in society now we're talking about that what we what kind of
situation and character we are. Yeah, in giving that one calling people to good? Yeah.
It wasn't about
shouting and swearing of people and condemning them to hellfire. First, it's all about belief in God.
So our sweet tongue is what's going to matter and our character how we behave.
And our wisdom in making people realize what they're doing is wrong.
Wisdom, not just raise, but we do get angry at wrong being done. If somebody's being if we see it in front of us. Yeah. So are you allowed to get angry? Yes. But it's the consequence of the anger beyond that. That's what we're talking about in this hadith. Are we allowed to be angry? exception of
I don't think it's sexy exception of anger really, because even in warfare in a in a just warfare like bundled or offered etc. Yeah.
If we again even in war, let our anger overcome and overtake because what are we likely to do?
Are we likely to do any wrong?
Yes, yes, we are we likely to go over the limit set by Allah and His Messenger, even in warfare, do not kill women and children do not have non combatants Do not be a top down, freeze, etc, etc. Yes.
Kill those who are fighting and when we take captives, not just a bunch of them
and be abusive and torture people. Yeah. Like the Americans are very famous for doing the so called civilized nation, whether in Afghanistan or Iraq, or whether back in Guantanamo Bay and horrific stories that they have gotten away with. That's not a Muslim character, we don't say and I have a tip for tat, we do that as well, because that doesn't fit with Muslim character at all. So anger has a danger, even a war legitimate warfare situation,
don't overtake you, because you're likely to go beyond the limits and commit sin instead.
Yeah, so
finally, I want to come to this issue of
Bala, for example.
Somebody becomes angry. And they say, in a rage,
to be says in a rage to his wife specifically,
that I divorce you.
This issue
in itself is a bigger topic.
bigger topic, because this is a field under divorce law, which covers a few other situations and that is what if a drunkard person a believer becomes drunk, and says also to the wife, I divorce you. What if a person who's forced, they don't want to divorce but under duress, they are forced? Yeah, otherwise I'm going to do this and that to say I divorce you to his wife do any of these count and then he
We're also in a state of anger. This category also comes together with the other categories.
There's a hadith I want to mention, which is a good Hadith, even though
even Roger mentions this hadith in his explanation disagrees, even Rajab actually is humbly and he believes a person who is angry when they say I diversity to his wife, the divorce takes place.
I believe he's right. And I believe he's wrong.
Okay, so I'm gonna explain that double digits to you in a moment. But he also says, After mentioning this and this
and this and this is enactment, I will delve in the merger and thought a good me is a diesel Ayesha Omar movement in the Allahu anha. She says that the Prophet sallallaahu Salam said column to be a source, lamp Allah, wala
fie overlock. There is no divorce, and there is no a doc, which is freeing a slave.
When in a lock in the lock means when the mind is locked. What the orlimar said.
Some of them said, it's like the situation of
what is a drunken person? Or a senile person? Yeah, who's lost their mind both have lost their mind. That's where it's referring to. Even Taymiyah who came later. Yeah, but greater than Tamia and his students, it will pay him. They say, quite rightly, is love covers the drunk Cook, the one who's drunk in a state of drunkenness, where, and the one who is most known man or female that lost their mind. It also covers the one who is forced, because their mind they're not making a decision with their own mind and volition. Somebody else is forcing them. Yes, there is no asthma. There's no
volition or themselves intending to do this, and even Taymiyah, quite rightly says.
Can anyone hear?
Sorry, I totally just mindset No, I can't hear anything either. I'm sorry.
It cut off from my side.
Can you hear me everybody?
Yes, it can even pay me, quite rightly, I believe, say that it can cover some situation, it can cover the very angry person as well. Right? It can cover the very angry person. I'm not going to go to the various opinions of the the drunk person
is maybe for another time.
If you're interested, I can I can mention the various opinions because there are opinions amongst their folk Aha, and including the tabby and Sahaba differing opinions on those.
However, when it comes to the angry person, I've told you ever read John's opinion already? Right? Why is he right? And why is he wrong? And others had this opinion as well. So I like the way even Taymiyah as if Luca, you mentioned that he divided anger in a in a man or husband or in anybody, he divided it, but he's applying it to the divorce issue. So he's applying it in the husband, he put it into three levels, the state of anger. He said, the first of the levels is that the person is so enraged. Yeah.
So in ways that he loses his mind completely and doesn't realize what he's saying, Does that happen to people?
Yes, he does.
Right. So that's the highest level of anger. And he's saying this is just like being drunk, so much full of rage. The person doesn't know what they're saying. I've remembered myself not cluttering divorce, but insisted that when I become angry and said things, and afterwards, you asked me, What did you say? I don't know what I said.
That's happened to all of us. Yeah. And the other person will tell you what you said.
If they haven't got angry as well.
So
he says given time, yeah, this is like a drunken person. Yeah, I have that. Little Apple who plan is up. And in this situation.
Question. Yeah, there's no real real dispute that there's no divorce in this situation. Yeah.
Second level, you said, the one who is at the very initial stages of anger.
They are with their full faculties. And they know exactly what they want and what the intent is very initial stage of anger. They're not become fully enraged yet. And he's saying in that situation of somebody else's divorce, yeah, it is divorce. Right. So don't just get away with it by saying, Well, unless they they were. So this, the third, he said, is that which is between the two, so they're not completely lost in race, and neither at the beginning, so they're in the middle. This is the the area with the head, and quite rightly even Team USA in this. The Mufti, who's given the opinion must investigate and find out. Did you really a lot linked with Did you mean this?
Or was it but you just
lost it? Yeah. And you didn't really mean it. So this is the place where it's the hub. And he's saying, the best opinion on this situation, which is the middle situation
is that divorce doesn't take place. And that's what I believe, is the best opinion on this. So that's why I say, Excuse me, can I ask a quick question here? Because divorce is three times on three different occasions. But if somebody just says, no,
no, it's not. Oh, could you just could you just clarify that then please, divorce takes place just with one utterance. This is a complete misunderstanding. From many people in society, the divorce has to be occurred three times on three different occasions, divorce, in fact.
And I'm not going to go into the full details, because it's a big topic. I intend to cover it on. We do a seminar in South London near future I hope in spring or summer on marriage and divorce. But no divorce isn't three times that after three separate occasions as final divorce with no job, no return. It was can take place with just one utterance every that's very clear in the grand scheme that everybody knows that except it seems the public, they really are confused about it. They think they have to, and people start altering it three times. Many husbands out there majority SP for the sale. I said it three times. And actually it's sinful. Yeah, it's against the sunnah to say it three
times. It is sinful. Anyway, that's a separate issue. So when you do, please to cover the fact that a lot of people believe that there's three different occasions they allow, so that's why I said I'm going to
post I'm going to cover it. Inshallah. Yeah, it's a seminar. It's going to be a day or two.
Okay, in shock, and I may start out if I'm talking about divorce.
Anyway, back to this point.
So
majority of situation, an angry person, no divorce takes place. And this is very important for the Mufti on the island to know. Yeah. However, is this person sinful?
Yes, they are.
They're sinful for uttering those words. Yeah, I think because we're told to control the anger. So by the sinful because they're messing about playing with divorce, which is supposed to be a very serious thing.
And Quran mentions clearly
about having one in Osama Pollack
and if they intend to give divorce meaning they want to make a decision to give divorce or ever been clear mind and
to a purposefully give divorce. That's what there was liquid because the the contract or marriage is a very strong contract. It's known as the SAP on the volleyball. Yeah, a strong strong is only used for the contract of marriage that those words not used for the contracts. So to break it requires absolute clarity, not based on just
unclarity anyway, I believe even 10 years opinion is best in this regard.
So
now
just to mention about
divorce
finally to end with
When we get angry what helps us in controlling our anger
what will help us must be new look
to go away from the situation
where it's possible to walk out of the room Yes.
Good idea isn't it before you do say something
what else
you already said earlier sit down
and some people actually say go and have a cold shower.
yeah oh
yeah
the alright to do
yeah you can do is to
know is the article men will do? Yes we do.
Is it okay? Or is it a bit is
it will do anytime
it's fine to do is not based on authentic hadith we send the Hadith to say go make Moodle and to sit down a lidar all week. But is it allowed to I will have to do that. Or is it? Is it simple? Because it's not in the Hadith?
No, we're allowed.
It's allowed to do that. Because you should be in a state of purification as much as you can anyway, throughout the day. Yeah, maybe I have wudu already. I'm allowed to go make it again.
You can do it again. And with that comes when you make it mandatory for the whole public doing repeatedly one thing at a particular time, but I think you can do we'll look, these are all things that you can do. What are the puppets that I still recommend you all forgotten? For now?
That was an authentic disease.
When two people were quarreling
and one became really angry what It probably says some said
I know some words. If he was to say them, then the anger will abate from him. What did he say?
I was blaming a shutdown. Absolutely. However, we lay him in a shutdown regime. But say it with meaning. It's not hocus pocus magical formula.
Yeah.
Revise the lb let me check on regime and I don't even understand what I'm saying. It's not gonna help me much is it?
I'm saying it to remind myself does Allah need milder Belemnite shape on Rajin?
Know, what am I saying it to?
Who am I saying it to
you saying it to yourself to protect yourself? Absolute you saying it yourself. Now if I don't understand what I'm saying to myself, then I think it's some sort of Arabic magic formula, the Shaytards gonna listen to and run away. No shutdowns inside me.
I'm the one. I'm the one on this to control it. So that's why I'm saying I seek refuge and protection of Allah from Satan rejected. So Satan doesn't take advantage of me. I'm reminding myself.
That's why it's important to understand what I'm saying here, isn't it?
Yeah, otherwise people come along and say, Oh, I said I was gonna miss him 10 times. So I asked him, did you understand what you said? So no.
Not much benefit anyway.
So that's from the profit solar solar. Okay, so these are all, especially in that is obviously recommended from the property. So So that's the first thing you need to remember.
Because that's reminding of Allah and also it's reminding you that shutdown is going to take advantage of your
take a hold of your tongue and your limbs and make you do things. So you're going to say no, I don't want to I don't want to I want to be like English regime, reminding myself, you know, have you seen people? The See, they're angry themselves and the other person they both argue and they say, I'll be leaving the site on to the other person.
Has anybody seen that happen?
No, but I've seen people saying that HollyWell awkward. Yeah, they're also telling the other person again, again.
Hey, always happens in the solar PDB.
In a Salafi debate, the hardcore
right, you stop picking on them.
I love the Okay, anyway.
But you know what I mean, I've seen it I've seen people getting they're angry and abusive, but they're actually saying to the other person
Here's tequila. That's another one you heard. They're killing the other person to fair Hola. Hola. Hola. While they themselves are also being abusive, yeah
that's very strange or this typical human nature isn't it, blaming the other person and telling them to bear Allah while you yourself making yourself as though you appear in the Euro, right? You've got Taqwa pointing the finger at others. Anyway. So those are some of the things I wanted to mention how we can help ourselves in regards to when anger does come and it will come.
And
things like sitting and lying down if it's necessary, so that we don't move removing yourself from the situation and of course, after our beloved shaitan regime, remembering a lot because remembering Allah with other things, you know, whether the reciting some Quran or whether you go and pray Torah cause Can I pray to recall during the day anytime? Yeah, there's only certain times of the day which have
been not recommended otherwise you can come here
that will help you calm down. If it doesn't, it means young got a clue what you're saying in your salon. Your salon isn't really having its effect. May Allah help us with that. Anyway, by I'm going to finish there.
Any final questions on this piece?
Yay.
Don't have any questions on this hadith, but I think you touched on a little bit of parenting, first generation immigrants coming from the Asian countries, they were raised in a certain way. And they have perpetuated that way with their children. And that's all they know. And all that I can just say I had wonderful wonderful mashallah, mashallah Alhamdulillah parents, and I'm always grateful every day to us man with Allah for giving me those parents. But I do see a lot of problems in the community of parents.
It's almost like everyone before they become a parent, they need to go to a parenting class, and Islamic parenting class, and might be useful for you to hold something like that in your community.
That's great. And the other thing, that's something that's often been mentioned and done as well, and there's various people doing those things, but perhaps not enough or more to be done, obviously. And another thing that's been brushed under the carpet, in many communities is this problem of alcohol and drugs, and not
an issue shame that comes with it for parents to seek help for their kids. And the anger comes out there as well. And the shame comes out. But in my community, they're looking at helping people to come to the mosque to have these AAA type meetings, 12 step meetings, but it's going to be a hard thing for the community to accept people walking in to the masjid for this type of thing. But help needs to be provided in communities to these youngsters who are increasingly going off in that direction, unfortunately, and parenting doesn't help parenting. Parenting hasn't helped in many situations. From what I see I'm not a parent, so I'm an observer.
Does
anything on you please brothers and sisters?
And what we've covered today
costs sisters personal
Sorry, sorry, sorry, physical affair, no, I just learned that this reflecting that in the anger it is not applicable. Otherwise, I will just reflecting that. How many divorces would be in a non non language situation and the real life so won't be very cool minded. I mean, might be but then then it's a learning for me, at least to them. So yeah, it's not by force when it is enter.
And a very important point, that's why I like not even Richards opinion has also humbly but even Taymiyah volumes opinion, much more balanced and taking account of what anger can do and therefore to save save the marriage. I mean, the person is regretful that they're remorseful, but you told them off but this is sinful. Don't do it again. You control your anger future and don't alter these things when you don't mean it.
Which is
something I don't know whether it's just semantics are specific things
specifically has to say, I devote your life to love you or could it be in any other form that I don't want to be with you? Or I'm sorry, I don't really do this. This is I'm not gonna answer it today, because this is going to be part of the course. This is called Sea of luck, how we say it, or what we write what we say. And it'll take me about 20 minutes to answer it. So
I've got 20 minutes. I haven't and that's not the topic for today have been
Yeah, no, no, I'm not going to open that topic. I could have gone into it because I opened that
topic and it gets bigger and bigger. So I only wanted to mention the angle linked with it. If you notice, I didn't go to the other issues as well. They're very interesting and important. The lock is one of the things marriage and political one of the things that our community of course, it's an everyday thing, but the most ignorant thing in the community and dangerously ignorance is this field, especially in some aspects of marriage as well. And of course, hence that's why inshallah I'm hoping that we'll do some seminars on it inshallah in the future
so there's a couple of hidden if there's no more questions, I still can't leave
Thank you very much.
I'm a slob Everybody okay with that it's just like life insurance. Yes.
Okay, lucky for you all well remembers in your last memory turn that was workplace
and nice to I was gonna say nice to see you all but nice to hear you're
Alright, take care inshallah. Salam, wa salam ala.