Marriage – Deen Vs Culture Part 9

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Muhammad ibn Adam al-Kawthari

Channel: Muhammad ibn Adam al-Kawthari

Episode Notes

Mufti Muhammad ibn Adam gives a talk on the importance of Marriage in Islam and the cultural influence that need to be squashed.

Episode Transcript

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So there's a difference between arranged and forced marriages.

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Um, another problem in here, along with this array forced marriages, you know, some communities have this problem of

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honor killings, again, has nothing I mean, I don't know how people have attributes that Islam, you know, they kill, honor killings absolutely hold on no place for it in Islam.

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And and then within marriage there are cultural issues, learn that I'm just going to make bullet points learn the fact of the rights and responsibilities of the spouse. Does the daughter in law have to serve the parents in law or not? Do they have to? Are they absolutely responsible? That's within the marriage have talked about it in my course very detailed term right now. But there are rules, cultural things we have, what does Islam say we need to learn about that these are just bullet points. Now I'm going to talk about because in no time

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separate accommodation,

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what does Islam say? Does a wife have a right to ask for a separate accommodation, which means that doesn't have to be like 10 miles away, it could be absolute next door, it could be within the house. But basic requirement within the schools of thought is that she has a separate sleeping area, as well as separate cooking and a bathroom area. She wants to eat and cook separate food and she has the right which the husband has to provide. In this day and age many scholars actually encouraged that it saves a lot of problems you know how many times marriages break up because of interference of you know, the oldest problem in the world mother in law daughter in law, you know, indoors

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interfering big problem? That's a big issue you know, how is spoken to so many brothers who are in the middle you know, between the mother and the wife it strike what we call you on the Surat you know that the bridge? It's, you know, more thin than, you know, the hair and more sharp than the sword. It's just there to fold. One side, the other side is the mother in law. What do you do? It's a very well, you have to learn this art. Maybe there are some people who actually good at that you know how to be diplomatic, the only way you will survive is being diplomatic, you have to be a politician.

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Really, yeah, of course, we talk a lot, but you have to be very, you have to use a lot of Heckman wisdom and tact the way you deal with your mother in law and you never praise your mother in law in front of your wife and never praise your wife in front of your mother in law.

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And if you have the both that and just don't press anyone

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you know, these are these are things you have to you have to do and that's why the messengers that Allah Holly was telling me said, you know, three times or three areas where you can actually lie as well. Not clear. But you know,

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Xhosa as OJT because of their relationship, and Islam being a nurse and there's another area as well. So there are issues within the within marriage. And then we have cultural things. I mean, there's there's one last thing about just another two three, what another terms come in here. Or 35 Okay.

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Yeah, yeah, I need to go so we'll we'll do the questions after we just like 510 minutes traps and we're going to be shallow into the q&a.

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Just one more issue of marriage and then divorce I have, I'll just talk. Another issue, which may be a taboo subject for many people, polygamy.

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Culturally, I mean, this I've done a lot of reading recently, a lot of raw research and a lot of reading on this topic. But again, it's a classic example. A loss of handle data in the Quran tells us when our current meaning will illuminate you da da da hora pseudo Imran a hero to me, I marry him. When Allah and His Messenger decide something for you. You don't have no choice in the matter.

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No choice, no matter I'm not saying breaking the law, whatever but islamically for a person to consider this to be a lonely act. Right? to consider a man taking on a second wife. Of course there are restrictions there are conditions. There's one extreme where people think this is just God given rights, you know, just married, divorced, married, divorced and take as many as you want without giving them right to rights without either without either without justice. That's inhumane. That's how wrong you can't do that when Cliftonville for Haider was the only one. But islamically It's a right. It's absolutely permissible. There's nothing whatsoever wrong. We live in communities. This

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may be across maybe only some Arab cultures are open to this. But across I know the Indian subcontinent like India or Pakistan or Bangladesh. It's like Karima to go through, you know, a man taking on us. I know like people. There's one chef who took took on a second wife and he was bombarded like he's committed Zinner.

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They would rather a man commit Zina than marry a second wife. There's one wife actually said, I don't mind no husband can have a girlfriend and a loaf of dinner with her. But if he can't take on a certain way,

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and there's a lot of wisdom, this is a topic coming on its own I can talk about in a lot of detail, but I've done a lot of research on this. Seriously, I mean, we would solve you know, to the point

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You know, there's so much research you have done on this that, you know, to the point, both. And, you know, the simple solution to simple things on the road.

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You know, you're young teenagers are in drugs. One of the solutions is polygamy.

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You might say, what's the connection? I don't have the time to explain.

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Seriously, you know, children are impacted.

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And what can I tell you? There's so many things. It's not hype, but children are impacted the has the husband and parents relation, there are so many brothers, who would you know, we would save so many divorces in life. I've spoken to at least 20 brothers who said, if we have a choice to keep the first wife and take second wife and never divorce my first wife. I mean, you know what, most people actually doing polygamy anyway, in different ways. They normally do it anyway. Can you tell me any non Muslim who stayed with one woman

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in their life? Only one woman or only one man, for the rest of the life, especially men, only one woman, you would not find anyone right now?

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It's inhumane. Maybe it is for some people, some people can stay. It's in the nature of, of a man. Women can as long as a woman and assistants may be probably getting really angry at this topic. But some sisters do understand, you know, for a woman if she has a husband, who is caring, considerate, gives her all her right. looks after she doesn't need anybody else. That's the way Allah has created a woman. She is satisfied. That's it, you know, she's satisfied

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before a man even if he has issues, you know, the like, you know, women have children and yeah, it's in the nature of a man. And going back to those examples are citing of these people. It's in the nature. Okay. But you know, you can't, you know,

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anyways, so

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we would save a lot of divorces as well, a

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lot of divorces be saved.

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That's another cultural thing as well. It's looked down to end this point by saying that if someone looks down on the allowance that Islam has given,

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if someone knocks it, someone looks down upon it, it's actually close to cover.

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There's no doubt in the fist in the deviancy of that person. Very close to committing