Why Don’t We Have Children Yet?

Mufti Menk

Channel: Mufti Menk

Episode Notes

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How many times have married couples faced the question – why don’t you have a child yet? Or why are you stopping at only one? Or don’t you want a boy? Such questions take a serious toll on us and the marriage too, mentally and emotionally.

So how do you handle yourself and your life? How do you manourver your response to such situations? How to manage your relationship with your loved one, with concerned relatives and friends and more importantly with Allah? 

For guidance and support in this circumstance, make time to listen to this talk of the respected Sheikh Mufti Menk.

Episode Transcript

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Salam aleikum. My brothers and sisters.

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When we get married, Masha, Allah, Allah, Allah, one of the next stages is to have children. People would be delighted to have children, boys, girls, maybe both boys and girls and Subhanallah at times, that doesn't happen. So Allah subhanho wa Taala says,

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Lila hamanako sama de

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la palma is

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indeed to Allah belongs entire kingdom, entire kingdom that which is on earth that which is in the heavens, he creates whatever he wishes, yeah how vulliamy

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in a

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zoo, I will use a widow lucano know

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why I Lumi

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Joakim Allah says, He grants whomsoever He wishes, only females, He grants whomsoever He wishes, only males, He grants some both male and female and some whomsoever He wishes, he does not give any children at all, for indeed he is all high, all able. That is Allah. Now, sometimes people are trying to conceive, and it's taking years, and they're just not succeeding. How to Look at that. Subhana Allah, do you know, every droplet of Hope you have, you're earning a reward and closeness to Allah. And Allah knows, perhaps I'm never going to give you this. But the fact that you have hope in me and me alone, is an act of worship. The fact that you keep calling out to me crying out to me is

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an act of worship, that brings you closer to me. And on the Day of Judgment, I will show you the reward of all the Hope you had all the prayers you made, every droplet of tear that came out of your eyes, Allah subhanho wa Taala will reward you for Subhana Allah. But at times, Allah does not give you because he knows it is better for you. So he gives you male children only when he knows that that's what is best for you. Be happy with that it's part of your test. These children belong to Allah. Sometimes he gives some only females be happy with that he knows it is better for you, it's part of your test. That is what he wanted you to go through in this world. Be happy with it, make

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the most of it. Sometimes he gives you both male and female, be happy with it, it's part of your test, fulfill the rights of your children, be fair, be completely just when it comes to your children, sometimes he does not give you those children because he knows that perhaps it's better for you. He gives you a good life. He might give you Jenna and paradise without even reckoning because of the patience that you bought, while you kept asking him for these children. So take it in your stride, accept the decree of Allah. Yes, if you don't have children, you have every right to continue to try, you may want to go and see medically if there's anything wrong if there is a

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solution. Or if there is medication, you may want to go through that. Find out if it's permissible from the scholars before you actually do something. The scope of permissibility is quite reasonable. And it's understood very easily. For as long as it's between the husband and the wife, you know, you may do quite a lot so panela and thereafter, Allah may still not give you children. Don't cry about it. I know it's difficult, some hannula maybe I shouldn't say Don't cry about it. Who am I to say that you might want to cry to Allah about it. But at the same time, when don't question a last decree? That's what I mean. Don't question the last decree because Allah knows this was better for

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you had he given you, the child or a child or children, perhaps that may have been the door of Hellfire for you it may not have been the door of Jenna and paradise. Perhaps you may have suffered and struggled in this world in a way that you didn't imagine you might have lost the child at the age of two or five or 10 in a very, very difficult way. So Allah knows that and so Allah says, we love you enough not to give you the child you might have had a child who may be challenged in a way that you may not manage. And so remember, when Allah has not given you something he knows why Subhana Allah, He knows what, as difficult as it is, your faith in Allah you

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conviction that he is doing whatever is best for you should keep you going. Sometimes Allah has people who take care of the children of others. Sometimes they become

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busy with something so important in community in society. Sometimes Allah gives them such a happy, beautiful, peaceful life without those children. And sometimes it's a test really, it's a lonely life. It's quite sad. But remember when you have Allah subhanho wa Taala, by you, you don't really need anyone else. May Allah grant us that comfort, and may He make it easy for us build your relationship with Allah, then you have those who only have girls Mashallah tabarrok, Allah for you is paradise, by the will of Allah, if you are ready to accept that you're happy with it, you're excited about it. The prayer should be Oh Allah grant us offspring who will be the coolness of our

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eyes, male or female, it's not wrong to ask for males or females. But whatever you're going to get from Allah. Remember, if it's a healthy child, who's going to be the coolness of your eyes, perhaps, you know, take care of you in one way or another as you age, then it's a blessing Mashallah not a child who's going to be the source of your depression and anxiety and the source of your health matters and so on. May Allah protect us. So if you have only girls, thank Allah subhanho wa Taala. Never hold against your spouse, the fact that you've only got girls, you know, recently, I was speaking to someone who told me that, you know, my wife is only giving females. And I said, as far

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as I know, from a medical perspective, it's actually you responsible for those females, if you look at genetics, and how it works with the x's and the y's, and the chromosomes, etc. It's actually the male. And he was quite shocked. I said, so blame yourself, don't blame her. But anyway, that was just to make him think the reality is male or female. You don't hold it against your spouse I know of a brother who said, I'm going to divorce my wife because I've only got females from her. How dare you say that so panela

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it's up to Allah. So you're failing unless test in the sense that you you want to release someone from marriage simply because Allah gave them something Subhana Allah, Allah gave you Subhana Allah to Allah. And then you have those who only have males and they're crying for females? Well, that's Allah, his way of blessing you, Allah blessed you, perhaps they will get married and inshallah, you know, you will have your daughters, although they may be daughters in law, but you can take care of them in Sharla, you can be the best parents in law, because you never had girls, may Allah grant us goodness, the same applies.

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You know, both sides. In fact, the third when you have both male and female, big responsibility, some people favor some children. You know, you have parents really who need help, because they favor one over the other simply because one might have done something wrong in their lives and so on. And as you grow a little bit older, you know, the children begin to perhaps not behave in exactly the same way you cannot hold that against the child in a way that you favor one over the other, rather work on the children. And inshallah, as time progresses, you will have goodness coming from both. Yes, if one is totally out of track, really the source of your distress, you may want to keep a bit

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of a distance even from your own children if that is the case. But my brothers and sisters under normal circumstances, remember to be fair, and just remember to smile at your children. Remember to tell them words of love, every time you say words of love and affection. It's actually an act of worship, to be kind to your own children, to be good to them to say good words to help them in life, bearing in mind that they are not yours, they belong to Allah, Allah, once you take care of them, get them married in a beautiful way, such that everyone is happy in sha Allah, consider what they're saying. That's the blessing of children. So May Allah bless us all with that which is best for us.

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When you ask Allah O Allah blessed me with children, he will only blessed you with those children. If he knows it's best for you. Then you may want male and female he may only give you male if he knows it's best for you or he may only give you female, if he knows it's best for you, and he might give you both. So remember this, my brothers and sisters, thank Allah upon all conditions, and don't question the decree of Allah. You may call out to Him you may cry to him. But remember, he only does what is best for you. If you're a believer, ultimately, what do you want? Don't you want paradise? If I'm going to be getting Paradise by the fact that Allah did not give me something I desperately

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wanted on Earth, then surely it was worth it. A cola cola or sallallahu wasallam Island Amina Muhammad