Relationships

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Mufti Menk

Channel: Mufti Menk

Episode Notes

Part of the Inspire Tour of the Caribbean, this talk was delivered at the Muslim Fair at the National Cricket Centre in Trinidad and Tobago.

Episode Transcript

© No part of this transcript may be copied or referenced or transmitted in any way whatsoever. Transcripts are auto-generated and thus will be be inaccurate. We are working on a system to allow volunteers to edit transcripts in a controlled system.


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Salam alaykum. warahmatullahi wabarakatuh

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smilla Alhamdulillah wa salatu salam ala rasulillah Allah Allah He was happy ah main.

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We praise Allah subhanho wa Taala we send blessings and salutations upon Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam his household companions. May Allah bless them all and bless every one of you and your offspring to come up to the end May Allah Subhana Allah Allah grant us all steadfastness, and Goodness me.

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My beloved brothers and sisters here sisters here in Trinidad and Tobago, you can see I'm smiling so broad because I'm so happy to be speaking to you. I'm so delighted to be at this beautiful venue, the weather is superb, the people so panela it there is so much calmness here. And we can feel that indeed, we have this love that we share for the sake of Allah subhanho wa Taala. So that's the reason that makes me smile, Mashallah Baraka, my brothers and sisters, today, I want to speak about relationships, because every time we hear about one side of the story, we need to hear about the other side as well. And when I say this, I mean, you know, we speak about parents, and we say

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parents are important. And we need to fulfill the rights of your mother and your father. And they are extremely important people, they're valuable, you won't go to heaven unless you serve them, etc.

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But what about the rights of children? Can we not tell the parents how important their children are, and that they will go to heaven, if they look after their kids, and if they help their kids?

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fulfill the instruction that Allah subhanho wa Taala has placed upon them. That's just one example of what I want to say today. Okay. So

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I think what's important for us to realize is, our mothers have given birth to us, indeed, our fathers have sacrificed and this is the case, in a normal home, a lot of the times we do have challenges where divorce takes place. Sometimes an irresponsible parent is not around not available, sometimes they do not fulfill what they're supposed to be fulfilling. But everything said until a child has to be looked after by someone, and that child is then nurtured, taken care of. And the child learns, according to what those around the child teach the child. And this is one of the plans of Allah subhanho wa Taala, one long Raja

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Bhutto,

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Allah has removed you from the wombs of your mothers caused you to be born. And you knew nothing, nothing. None of us can remember the time that we were in the wombs of our mothers, nor can we remember the moment of birth, nor can we remember immediately after that, and when we were born, we could not speak, we could not utter a word. And Subhan Allah besides Jesus ease Allah is Salatu was Salam who spoke in the cradle. We don't know of others who have spoken in the cradle. In the cradle, I mean, right at the beginning. And as time passes, you say your first few ways people look after you, they teach you an accent. So you know, if you come from Zimbabwe, you probably speak a little

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bit like me. And if you come from Trinidad, I don't even want to try to imitate your accent, because I don't know if you're going to understand a single word. But anyway, at least you guys understand each other. If you grew up in Trinidad, for example, you know what that growing up would entail, your parents would have to choose a school to send you and they would choose how to behave. And this is something very important. A lot of people don't say this, they would choose or they they would be reminded if there was someone like me reminding, or anyone else who was concerned, they would be reminded not to yell in the presence of the child. Because when you as a mother or a father scream,

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and the child is a baby, that child registers what has happened initially, it's like a shock. And after that the child gets used to it. And when the child is actually growing up, the child starts screaming and yelling, because that's what they've been accustomed to. Not always sometimes a child can scream, because the child may be in pain, maybe colleague or what have you. May Allah grant cure to those children who may be sick and Ill in any way. But sometimes our bad habits we don't realize that they brush off on to the children, and we then blame the kids or we blame the environment, but my beloved sister, my brother, you as a parent did not behave yourself. You were not exemplary at

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all. People say my child doesn't read Salah, but you never

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Your Salah, so what were you doing as a parent? People say, My children don't listen to me, but you don't listen to Allah subhanho wa Taala? How do you expect an obedient child, my beloved brother, my beloved sister, when you are disobedient to the one who made you, so which is more important, my brothers, my sisters, let's think about this, it is an aspect and an angle that we actually take for granted. Sometimes we don't realize that when we disobey Allah subhanho wa Taala, there is a great chance that the child will disobey us. And we have bad habits in our own children, we don't know why we might be telling our children don't do this, and don't do that. But we are busy doing the same

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thing, or we're doing something worse. So I want to spend this evening telling everyone, myself included, let's become more conscious of our relationships. And the impact that that relationship or our behavior within the relationship would have on the other person or people, it is important for us to be conscious of this, because even in our own midst, and amongst us, it has an impact how I talk to you how I talk to little children, how I talk to the adults, it has an impact in the development of entire society. And that is broad it is far reaching, we need to be careful. So the child grows up, and we choose a school to send the children to make sure it's a good school. And

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I've always been of the opinion that to send a child to school with discipline is given importance over getting top grades or where there is a fair balance between getting grades and discipline is better than to send a child to a school that does not concern itself with the discipline of the child Do as you wish, whatever you want. And we're just going to be pushing the children for good results, or maybe sometimes on the sporting field. A good school is that which concentrates on everything all around, you're developed as a person and the type of children that go to that school would all be made to behave in a specific way.

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We make the choice. And then we blame the children when they go astray. Or we blame someone else because the child did this. And the child did that. My brothers and sisters, let's realize these decisions have a big impact in the lives of our children huge impact. So choose wisely. And as we grow older, we're lucky I swear by Allah, the way we talk, they pick it up, when we lie, they pick it up. When we don't dress appropriately, they pick it up, they are watching, you know, every one of you knows

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that the children would like to imitate those who they love.

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They want to imitate those whom they love. So if dad dresses in a specific way with his jeans, and I've said this so many times in the past, with these jeans halfway down his backside, what's the child going to do? I want to be like that. And you actually see the child there, you know, halfway down the backside bouncing exactly like the Father. But you don't realize that is powerful. Allah Almighty has created such a bond between child and parent that the parent is an automatic teacher, whether the parent knows it or not, for that particular child, they watch they see you if the mother dresses in a specific way, or the father in a specific way that children will fight to dress in that

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way. I know of small little children who want to put on a clock for example, just because their mothers wear the clock and they're excited I want to wear like you or a scarf, or they want to go into Salah into prayer because they watch they see but if you're never there, you're always on your phone, they want to fall they will fight for your phone. Don't they do that they do because you're always on your phone. Every single moment of the day on your phone. I think the new struggle would actually be how long you can stay away from your phone. You need to jot it down every day to say today I stayed away for five hours. Wow. Five whole hours. Besides your sleep by the way, some

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people even sleep with their phones, you know, they're you know,

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when Allah subhanho wa Taala grant us ease. But it's very important to raise these issues because we don't realize as time is passing, our kids are growing up our children are growing up and as they grow up, they watch the CD imitate before you know it. They're already adults. And guess what we have not yet taught them anything. They just watched and they've grown like wild grass, and they've learned from the television and the internet and from their friends and that's it. values have dropped, morals have dropped.

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Understanding is dropped tolerance has dropped respect of others has dropped. manner of speech character conduct dropped, everything is dropped. Why? Because we

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We're not bothered, we were busy with our own little accessories and our own cars and motorbikes and everything else. I'm not saying don't do that, but I'm saying know the limits, know the lines spend time with these children, they are an Amana. They are a trust entrusted to you by Allah subhanho wa Taala. So ensure that what you are doing will hold value and what you are doing has importance in the lives of the children that they can learn from you may Allah subhanahu wa taala make it easy for us. Similarly, as we grow, we may have brothers and sisters.

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We may have brothers and sisters from a young age. What happens? You know, they call it sibling rivalry. sure you've heard that word. So we tend to fight small things with your sister, you quickly snatch something, you make her cry, you go back, you say a bad word, you might say some word to someone about her in her presence or absence in a way that makes her upset and cry. And vice versa. Sometimes some of the girls might abuse their brothers verbally, sometimes they might say words that are hurtful, they might do things that are unacceptable. And in this way, it creates a crack in the relationship that is chiseled by the devil.

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Behave, behave. What that means is, make sure you go out of your way to appreciate your brother, your sister, Allah has blessed you with a system. Why should you do things to that system that you will regret later on, you're only going to be together for a few years. After that you're going to be married inshallah, perhaps in your own little world, and you once in a while you will get together with your brother, your sister. And if you need help and support, it should be within that family structure to begin with. Today, people get support from outside because the family is broken. Nobody supports each other. We hate each other. Brothers don't talk to each other.

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We cannot forgive each other. We cannot even do a favor for one another. Charity begins at home. I said that yesterday, same venue. And we don't realize that what's my brother? Therefore what is my sister therefore I need to help. I need to do things for them. Sometimes, you know, some people have

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obviously within the cultures that have developed over time, still you have the women generally prefer to do the cooking. Or let me word it in a more honest way. The men generally prefer that the women do the cooking. Okay. So what happens is

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Do you ever have a day when the men would say, listen, guys, we will do the cooking? I'm not saying you should. But I'm saying be considerate? Or let's go out we'll have will only together Come It's on me to panela does it happen? What if it doesn't happen within your home as you're growing up? When is it going to happen?

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What has happened?

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So can Allah I'm all I'm saying is be considered clean up after yourself because don't leave it for a person, your sister, your brother, whoever else it may be clean your own mess.

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You may have someone helping you like a helping hand, you know a

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maid or domestic helper, whatever you'd like to call the male or female who's helping you. It doesn't mean that because you've got someone helping you. You just need to throw everything and you need to just walk out with a big mess. That's not a true Muslim because you need to help them as well the Hadith speaks about it that if you are going to ask them to do something, help them

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make sure that you are so high in value, character and conduct that they see that this person or these people are really great in their character because that's what the prophet sallallahu sallam. That's what the prophet SAW Selim taught and did. Moments ago we heard that the Prophet sallallahu Sallam used to one of the speakers said this just before me, one of the brothers making an announcement and he said he used to help his women. He really used to help them he used to clean up sometimes he used to milk the goats sometimes he used to bring forth the milk and help sometimes with the meal and so on. So had a lot. A lot of us are guilty. The men we don't do that. Not at all.

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We don't even have the time we don't even consider it sooner. We don't even consider it an act of merit. And we think we're religious. This is why I said yesterday as well that we need to go and look at the word piety and holiness and we need to actually come in understand that it is something that is holistic it is it is a full picture. It's not just one compartment of it. You know I cannot say this is a lovely car just because the wheels are beautiful and the tires

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Is are the latest? No, I need to look at the engine, I need to look at the body, I need to look at the upholstery, I need to look at how it moves, I need to look at the tires and I need to look at everything else. And then I can say this is a really nice motor vehicle. The same applies to a human being, you don't just look at someone who prays five times a day and you say, you know what, that's a good person, look at their tongue. Look at the way they treat their family members. More and more people who happen to pray five times a day are abusing their family members, their children, their parents, their in laws, etc. And they cheat they deceive. In business, they're sometimes dishonest,

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but just because they look Islamic. And just because they pray five times a day, people say that's a holy man. That's a pious lady. That's not true. piety is only known by Allah subhanho wa Taala. Allah alone knows who is pious.

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And if you were to travel with someone, you may get to know them a little bit more, because that's what we are taught.

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And who says this? When you travel with a person, you actually get to know them because you see their habits? Do they clean up after themselves? Are they considerate of other people? Do they just leave a mess? Are they selfish? I remember I once traveled with a group of honorable men from Allah forgive us. And when we got to the destination,

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those whom I looked at as really pious people, they were the ones scrambling for the best place to sleep. The best place you know we were we were going to be there for a few days. And they were mattresses on the floor. And I've seen this happening even in hatch, where we're so selfish, we look for ourselves. That's my place. Put your thing there and everything anyone comes there an elderly man is coming and you know that that corner would be better for someone who's disabled? No, it's my place. Well, thank you. It was really true that I would get to know people only when I travel with them. Look at how selfish you are. Thinking about yourself. That's it. We think about us our little

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corner. We're not considerate of anyone food comes you eat first you take the hot food, and you're the one who munches away and you leave all the leftovers for everyone else. Is that what you're taught? Is that what it's all about? Is this what relationships are all about? That's not it be considered feed others, even if it means you have delayed a little bit, so be considerate. And if you don't want to feed them, at least sit with everyone else. Don't be greedy. Don't show that you're a selfish person because you should not be a selfish person.

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And I'm not saying you know, give up your What is yours? No, you don't have to

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Subhanallah you know Allah subhanho wa Taala says this even to Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam.

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Wallah dijana de como una una una piccola de Kooning.

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Don't give, in fact, don't hold back in such a way that you are known as miserly.

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And don't give everything in such a way that you're at a loss. If you want clothing, I can give you access, I can take off this perhaps I can take off something else and give it to you. But I cannot strip and say right, that's your clothing. And then I'm running no way I can't I need a minimum amount of clothing. So we can share it. So this is what is meant by it, that when you're giving away you give away but you don't have to give away that which you know, you need. You don't have to kind of love at times. It depends what it is. You will have to exercise that, you know, your mental capacity to be able to understand whether to give or not to give. But my brothers and sisters The

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point being raised was about brothers, sisters, siblings, that's where I started at the end of the day. We're all brothers and sisters, but those who are related in blood or with blood, by blood, we're actually closer in relationship than those who are a little bit distant but they're still human beings yet. We are all brothers and sisters. Mashallah. So, we need to ask ourselves, every one of us whether you're a mother, a father, a grandfather, Grandma, brother, sister, child, you know, son or daughter,

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or anyone, urine, urine in law, which means you have a son in law daughter in law, ask yourself, ask yourself, Am I being a pain? Am I the problem?

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Am I fulfilling what I'm supposed to be? Am I the best possible person I can be? These questions are very important, very important. And

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many times we hear

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people say, you know what, that's your mother. That's your father. My beloved mothers and fathers. We know your value. We know that we should

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serving you and we know that we can earn paradise through serving our parents. And we know that the mother's value is very, very great and high. But I want to let you know something we are struggling today because a lot of the mothers themselves do not have the qualities of real mothers. They don't have the qualities that are needed to be able to be given that award, that Allah has actually said you should be deserving. If you want respect, and if you want value in the eyes of your own children, make sure you live your life in a way that makes it easy for them to value you. If I were to go to the masjid,

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I get to reward the men would tell you yes, indeed. Salatu. Giamatti, apollomon sala

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de nada Raja, and even duration comes in rashidun adonijah. That prayer which is fulfilled with jamara is more in value 25 times 27 times more in value

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than the one which is fulfilled alone.

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Imagine someone comes and stops me from going imagine I'm about to walk into the machine and someone's standing at the door, and and literally acting silly and not allowing me in, do you think they will be rewarded?

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Imagine my mother comes and tells me you're not going? Why?

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imagine anyone else comes and says, You know what? That's it stop.

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I'm not allowing you to go and pray.

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What would happen?

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Allah says, Allah, I tell me.

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The verses revealed at the time when Abu Jamal was trying his tricks. During the initial years of Islam, or of the advent of Rasulullah, sallallahu alayhi wasallam, it means do you see the one who is stopping the worship, or a worship or when he's trying to pray, and ally speaking about this, showing that the curse of Allah is upon that person. So to do a good deed, you would be sinful if you stop someone from doing a good deed without proper reason.

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And if that was a compulsory deed, then they would generally not be a reason, very few reasons. And those are like life threatening reasons.

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Similarly, if you were to facilitate for someone, you say, you want to go to the magic comm, I take you to the machine, and you they jump into your car, two or three people and you go to the machine, what happens, you get a full reward of whatever they've done there. If you facilitate a good deed for someone, you encourage people moments ago, we heard someone say, Please donate, we will be doing this, we have charitable activity, we will be building homes for homeless and for those who are needy, we will be doing whatever whatever. Imagine if you were to facilitate that, by donating or by volunteering, you get a full reward for all their activity, right? You get a full reward for every

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good deeds that they've done. Because you made it easy, you were used to do something good. So I tell you, the same applies My beloved mothers, your child has been instructed to be good to you to be kind to you to be respectful to you live your life in a way that makes it easy for your children in your in laws to do that.

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Many mothers make it very difficult for their daughters in law to respect them. Many mothers, and many daughters in law make it very difficult for their mothers in law to respect them.

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Did you hear that? Why? This is why when I come into a an arbitration or sometimes a problem, people say I need your help and guidance. I'd like to listen to the behavior of the people, it doesn't mean that just because she's your mother, or just because she's the mother of your husband, or your wife, etc, that she's right. She could be wrong. A lot of the time, she may be wrong. It's attitude. It's this. Sometimes it's attitude. It's the way we speak sometimes cutting words hurtful words, make it easy for them to engage in this a better known as respecting you by being kind, by not expecting too much. Many of us expect a lot. When you expect too much from people you will let down the

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relationship breaks. But if you don't expect much, what happens? You get along with everyone.

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You get along with a lot of people Subhanallah study the homes where everyone's getting along. They're easygoing. Why because they live and let live. That's what it is. People are different. Sometimes as a parent, we forget that islamically your children don't have to grow up exactly as you want. They have to grow up as allowance. So you might say things and they may disagree with you. If that disagreement is within the scope of what Allah permits, let it pass.

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let it pass. That's a powerful statement. I hope you've heard what I'm saying. We are parents. We wrongfully think that that's my child. That's my slave. That is my one

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Ever I own this property, that's not true. You may have authority to a certain extent within what Allah has allowed you to make some decisions for your kids. For as long as those decisions do not go against Allah subhanho wa Taala. And as time passes, the children will begin to make their own decisions, learn to teach them how to make decisions that do not displease Allah, because in no time, they will be adults, and they will be far away from you, perhaps have you taught them how to face life? No, I just bullied them, I instructed them I ordered them, they had to do what I what I said, or I would penalize them. And that's it. So when they grew up, it's like a bird finally out of

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that cage, they're gone, they fly into the muck without knowing that this is actually dirt.

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We didn't teach them.

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If you look at the verses of inheritance in pseudo to Nyssa, Allah speaks about something interesting for in two min

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federal federal in a him

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when they are orphans, Allah says you will hold their wealth until a time when you test them, and you find that they are responsible in their dealings, then give them their wealth. So if that's at 15 years old, 16 years old, 1718, and the father's left behind the million bucks, for example, a million dollars, what happens you cannot just give them you have to test them. And if they show responsibility in their buying and selling and, and their sense of value, or the value of money, and so on, then you give them their money and say I was holding it, and this is actually yours. So you test them. But before you test them, you need to teach them.

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You teach the children,

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this is what you shall do. That's how you do it. Okay, now you go. And let's see how you do this. So you give the child something, go and sell this, and I want to see what you do. You come back, and then you teach them what capital is all about, and what profit is all about and how to build your capital and whatever else. They may have learned some of it at school and they may learn some with you. They will see honesty, integrity, they will see character conduct. When you speak with your customers, your suppliers, there is character they watch you. This is why it's important to spend money as sorry to spend time with your children with your family members. The problem with us we

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expect our children. That's it. And we make one very big mistake. My brothers and sisters, I've seen this. What is it? Sometimes when Allah blessed us with a lot of wealth, we don't teach our children business because we say I've got enough for another five generations, that's fine.

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So I don't want my child to go into business. That's a mistake. teach your child the ropes as well. You know why I've come across people who've died at 35

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beautiful business, everything is moving flowing. The children were now 10 years old. So panela and this person says, My dream is I'm not going to teach them anything about the dunya I just want them to learn the deen and that's it. Fair enough. Learn the deen. But what about the dunya the Prophet Muhammad Sallallahu Sallam himself did business. The Companions did business and they were the best of Muslims. They were closest to Allah but they had dealings. Look at

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the law man when he made the hijab. He was told Look, I'm going to share with you half of my wealth. He said no, no, no, don't do that. Show me. Where is the market? He went to the market the same day he came back with a profit. How did he do it? He didn't even have a capital. Go and study.

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In no time, he was one of the wealthiest people but he was one of the 10. So kinda Allah Subhana Allah, he was a pious person. He was a heavenly man walking on Earth. But he did business. Honest business is actually an act of worship. So we have to teach our children and like I said, make it easy for your children to

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respect you.

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What's your mouth in the house? Watch it I promise you. I feel like saying it in a stronger way. But I'm not going to do that. I'll stop it saying what your mouth in the house. And please repeat it at home. You can say Did you hear what happened? Today? We were told to watch our mouths in the house. No matter how old you are. Don't think you're entitled to paradise. So therefore, you can just bulldoze everyone in the hole. Not at all. You have no clue where you're going. I have had people say, I'm the mother. Heaven is under my feet. You had better listen to me.

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Do you know if you're even going to heaven because as far as I know, heaven is at the feet of those mothers who are going to heaven. I don't know about those who are not even going there.

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May Allah help us and being honest. We will respect we will value but don't use that to blackmail your children. Never. Don't use that to blackmail your children. That's what people do today.

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They say I'm a mother. You're not supposed to be talking like that to me. Guess what, my dear mother, I can I can actually

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tell you that you as a mother are not supposed to be talking to me as a child like that.

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If you're a mother and you say, I should not be talking to you like that, I'm a child. And I'm saying you're not supposed to be talking to me like that either. It doesn't mean because you're a mother, you can swear, you can abuse, you can shout, you can yell, you can say whatever you want, not at all.

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So my beloved brothers and sisters, I raised that point. Once again, make sure, make sure that you make it easy for those who have to fulfill rights towards you to fulfill those rights by fulfilling theirs. Be respectful to those who work for you, it doesn't mean that you paid them a salary, so you can abuse them verbally, you can tell them swear words, you can disgrace them just because they work for you. Not at all. Be careful. Watch that mouth. Watch how you talk, say three things say good things, they are more valuable than the money you're going to give the person.

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Imagine working at someone's place, they offer you $15,000 a month, and they swear you every day, I would say keep your money, and I would walk away.

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respect and honor is what we need. If you were paying me half the amount, and you just respected me, I prefer to work with you than to work with someone who's abusing me all the time. So panela disgracing me.

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We want to honor from Allah. So learn to another's, and you will get that honor, learn to respect people and you will get that respect.

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It doesn't mean that just because you're the older child, or the older brother or sister that you can trample over all your siblings know, you have a responsibility, you need to behave yourself as well, you need to make sure that you are the true role model and example such that if you were to pass away, or even if you were to be at a distance, they would remember you make do after you call you once in a while, create a beautiful whatsapp group. And remember, not everyone's going to think like you that's another mistake we make. We want everyone to think exactly like us, they're not going to do that. For as long as their thinking is not outside of what allow mighty has said, then

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let it be. Let it be.

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It doesn't have to be with your whims and fancies. Not at all, sometimes. And this is a big crisis. One of the biggest problems that people send in terms of emails and communication to the scholars today is about marriage. Did you know that one of the biggest things, if you were to look at my emails from a few 1000 that I receive on a daily basis, I'm quite certain more than 80% are about marriage.

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And from that 80% the bulk of them are from young people who would like to get married. But dad or mom says no, it's a huge percentage. And every time or look, sometimes they are right, because you know what, it's a ridiculous thing you're trying to do. But a lot of the times they're wrong. It's ratio. It's it's actually racism, or sometimes it's just because I don't like those people, or just because they're a different type or caste or they come from another place or the girl is too dark in complexion and so on. What are you talking about? The sweetest people sometimes happened to be the darkest in complexion? Yes.

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And sometimes they are the loveliest. Absolutely. I know some people who are so dark in complexion, and they're better than everyone else I've known who's fair in complexion.

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I promise you, it's got nothing to do with it. If you're a racist, don't punish your kids.

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work on yourself. You living in a cosmopolitan nation, your kids are bound to meet others. And who knows if they want to marry someone within that which is halaal.

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And the person they want to marry is okay in terms of their Deen and their character, then let it happen. Let it happen. But if you don't then expect a disaster at home, expect to lose the child sometimes most cases nowadays they walk off because they're independent.

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And then you write them off and then you don't want to talk to them. That's a test that you have failed.

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It's a test that you have failed. I know of people who have written off their daughters because their daughters have married very good men whom they did not want them to marry. They are so happy. They've got kids but the parents of the girl still do not want to speak to the to their own child and their grandchildren. Just because they're holding it in their heart. I wonder what answer they're going to give to Allah subhanho wa Taala they claim that I had the right and you did not acknowledge it. My father, my beloved

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Old man, you are so wrong. Allah gave you a child in order to test you. Will you fulfill what Allah wants regarding the child? Or will you do what your whims and fancies have dictated and make the child's life difficult if that child has asked you to do something that is permissible in the eyes of Allah subhanho wa Taala Don't you dare come in exercise your blackmailing techniques to say no way I'm never going to agree, never going to accept never going to talk to you. I'm taking you out of my will and so on. You know what you have failed in the eyes of Allah, not the child, the child did not feel the child was asking you to facilitate something for the sake of Allah subhanho wa

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Taala. But you were held down by your ego, your pride, I call on all parents and I know so many scores of them. I call on all of them this evening, to go back and mend your relationships with those daughters and sons of yours for the sake of Allah subhanho wa Taala I promise you you will lead a happy life, you will have an answer on the day of judgment that Allah when I heard that what I did was wrong. I quickly made amends. That is it. And you will be asked about what I am saying today. If you've heard it, whether you've heard it today, tomorrow or another day.

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This is what I mean by saying relationships. I started off and I wanted to talk about relationships. You have destroyed a valuable relationship. Your daughter has never done anything against you. She fulfilled Salah she's such a lovely person, a great child. She's always been faithful, but the stumbling block when she wants to get married, you want her to marry your choice. And you don't even get along with a mom because you did not know how to make the choice in the first place.

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You made your mistakes and you want to repeat those again.

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What type of relationship you want and then you say I'm your father, you are a father that does not give you a green light to call yourself God Almighty, not a dog. You are a mother You are not gibreel or an angel or a prophet. No, you are a mother you have value but remember, it is limited. It is not unlimited. It is limited to what pleases Allah subhanho wa Taala. Sometimes you call for trouble yourself when a law judges he might find you wrong and your kids were right, what happens then? So my beloved mothers who are seated here, no offense, but this is a very, very strong reminder. I have children of my own. I hope that I am as I am saying.

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Some of them are actually seated in your midst. When Allah subhanho wa Taala grant us ease. I hope they can vouch that this man is exactly as he says.

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Because that is Islam. That's what we learn. If I were to die today, I never want to go and find out that I was totally wrong because I abused someone I was vulgar. I was this No, not at all. I don't need to be I don't want to be whatever Allah has asked me to do. That's my test. Allah can take these children away well before anything, because they belong to him. They always belonged to him. So my mother's my sisters, my brothers and fathers remember this and value the relationship while they are there. And while you are there.

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Relationships are absolutely important. We always hear about that's your those are your parents very important. Yes, we know how important they are. We will listen to them. We will my beloved parents, you need to guide your children, there is a real life out there stop coming up with idealistic solutions for a realistic world because they don't work.

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We have that problem as well. People come up with a solution that is idealistic, completely. It sounds like a fairy tale. It's something and the real world out there is in another Valley all together on a different mountain. If I can say that. And you're talking like Superman, Allah, you don't even know what's happening around, give them realistic solutions. If your child has a problem, help the child make sure that this child makes do out for you. My father, he really cared for us. My Mother, she really did a lot for us.

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Sometimes, a lot of the times parents need to go and seek forgiveness from their children because of what they've done to those children all their lives. They need to go and seek forgiveness from the children, my beloved son, my daughter, as a mother, I did not fulfill your rights. I have sworn you I have told you I have abused you I have made you feel so belittled and small. I have really made you embarrassed on so many occasions. I've spoken bad about you Please forgive me.

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That's what a lot of mothers need to do to their children. And that's what fathers need to do. A lot of the times the father is not interested in the kids, not interested in the children. He's doing his thing. And that's it.

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And too busy working. take time off, spend a moment with your children's smile, talk to them one small discussion, I promise you they will not forget it until they die. They won't forget it. They will take it with

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them through to the hereafter they will remind you about it in heaven when all of you gathered it. May Allah gather us all in gentlemen say I mean,

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one small discussion has so much value, have a meal with them two meals a day, a meal a day, one meal in the week, if you're really so busy, but make it a big thing. Put your phone away. That's another challenge. I want to present to myself and yourselves.

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When you're having a meal.

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When you're having a meal with your family,

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put your phone away. That's a challenge. Can we do that each Allah Raise your hand if you're going to do that each other?

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Raise your hand high. If you're going to do that when you're having a meal with your family and loved ones. You're going to put your phone away Sharla Okay, I've seen all those hands. So panela you're going to be questioned about it. And there's no judgement. You promise something? I hope it wasn't just a you know, you weren't just waving at me. So Pamela,

00:41:00--> 00:41:17

put your phone away. I promise you moms and dads and remind each other say look for the next half an hour phone away. If someone is dying, say in la la. La La Jolla. That's it. May Allah subhanho wa Taala grant this is a few years ago these mobiles were not there. How did they die at that time?

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What happened at the time? They can wait for half an hour. But have you realized what happens today?

00:41:26--> 00:41:47

The phone beeps we start itching, scratching. What's going on? My phone phone beeping we have to see it within a few seconds. Even if you're sleeping and you're so tired, you don't want to sleep because you know what i did it every little light switch off the phone. I started doing it from a while I can give my children my phone and said you know what, keep this that's it.

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And I can actually turn it off, put it on flight mode because I'm catching a flight to where to dreamland, Mashallah. It's reality. You can see in the morning, when you turn it on, all the messages will come up, and you can spend 10 whole minutes. It's a sad reality that for us before we say Alhamdulillah, hallelujah.

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Mamata, we quickly look at our phone and we say Subhana Allah, you know, and we see all the messages before we read any of our do us. That's reality. I'm talking about everyone here, including myself, we need to improve on this inshallah.

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We are guilty, because this is technology. It's very addictive, very addictive. Why brothers sisters, let's learn when we correct one another do so in a respectful manner. If you are a teacher, the relationship you're supposed to be having with the child is one of respect. You need to be honest, you need to be upright, you need to understand no favoring anyone, those who are slightly weaker, give them a little bit more importance, because they may need a bit of a push. We're not favoring someone over the others. But we are being we're being sensitive to the needs of all these children, a lot of the teachers I have sex with.

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They

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tend to concentrate on those who are intelligent. That's it sharp, clever, responsive. That's not a successful teacher, a successful teacher is the one who can work with the weakest of children and help them develop without reducing the importance of those who are intelligent. Did you hear that? So you have those who are intelligent, you they know they're where they are, they know where they stand. But at the same time, you don't make the ones who are weak feel like they're dumb, or they are in our language thick? No, you're not. You're a valuable child. A lot of us might have not done so well at school. And some of us, we just had good results without any effort. SubhanAllah when you

00:43:51--> 00:44:12

grow older, nobody will ask you. What were your results? how intelligent were you in primary schools? Were you top bottom middle? No one says that, even when you're getting married, your husband or the future husband does not ask you. So tell me something when you were in grade four. So what happened? Have you ever heard someone ask them?

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Subhana Allah.

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And the teacher sometimes makes them feel like you know what? Your you are. That's it out of line. I know of a child whom, one

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who stabbed to the child.

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Or told the parents of the child, this child is never going to be a habit.

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And they shifted the child and two years later, the child was a happy so the statement should have been I'm not good enough to teach children. I don't know. That's what it should have been. It's the it's the estado made a mistake. How can you do someone's child by saying you're never going to be a habit? This is why we say

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there is a fabricated narration that people created in order to abuse children.

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You know what they said? They said, they lied. They said the Prophet peace be upon him said that the fire of hell will not touch any part of the body that the stick of the teacher has hit.

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I'm glad you haven't heard that narration because it's not a narration it's a lie against the Prophet peace be upon it, because they just wanted to wall up and beat. That's it. So people think that when you becoming a habit, what do you need to do? You need to whip the child. That's it. There are a few clips doing their rounds on YouTube, of who starts beating the children because they cannot remember a verse.

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That is unacceptable.

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It is prohibited it is haram to abuse children. Go back to the life of the prophet SAW Selim. Everything we have was brought by the companions. May Allah May Allah be pleased with them.

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It was taught to them and passed on right?

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Is there any narration that the Prophet sallallahu wasallam beat up someone because they didn't learn their hips, or because they were becoming hafeez. They were trying to memorize the Quran, or he was teaching them a hadith or Islam.

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A lot of children don't like to go to the madrasa because the teachers abused them. So tonight, I want to talk about that side of the coin, not the side of it. Like I told you things we don't want to hear how many of us may be teaching Islam, we teach religion, we teach something heavenly. We teach something from God Almighty. But we swear and we're abusive. In the class, we call people names I know of a guy who teaches Islam, and he calls them dogs. And he calls them all sorts of names that I kind of cannot even say that here.

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A teacher of Islam, how

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you're supposed to be so beautiful in your character that they want to come to you they cannot wait to get to you. That's how we should be when we are teaching the faith. They don't need to finish up the syllabus all in one go. There are people who have learned Islam at an old age, there is no age restriction, or no limit to save. Okay, after five you cannot learn x, y and Zed because you should have learned it before you were five. It's there's nothing like that.

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There is no limit you you can learn at your pace. That's how it should be. So be careful. People are giving religion a bad name and chasing the children away from the faith because when they teach the madrasa they are abusing the children by beating them up by swearing them using bad words, punishing them in a way that is unacceptable. If that is happening, change it. If it's not happening, thank Allah, thank Allah.

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When our children don't want to go to the madrasa, there is a reason a lot of the times it goes back to the madrasa itself.

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I know this might sound hurtful, but facts hurt, they do hurt.

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And sometimes it goes back to the parents because the way they lead their lives, it's like they give the greatest importance to something else. So that this is like By the way, it's just by the way.

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May Allah subhanho wa Taala help us May Allah guide us. And this is why we see when we are teaching the faith of Islam we have a greater responsibility. When I'm talking, I try to bear in mind everyone who's in front of me and those who may listen to it later. I'm a human. I may make a mistake, I will make a mistake. But I would expect to be corrected also in a beautiful way. We don't just correct people in in a harsh way know, correct them in a lovely way such that they appreciate they Thank you bring them forth in a way that they appreciate it once in a while you might want to say something that they may not like, but it's respectful. What I've said tonight, a lot of parents

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won't like it, but it's respectful. And a lot of teachers may not like it. It's respectful. siblings may not like it, but it's true.

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These are facts and someone needs to save them. Because there is a lot of abuse happening. Many homes were unhappy in our home, but that's my son. That's my mother, my father, my daughter in law, a daughter in law would not really

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mind a daughter in law would not really mind

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cooking or doing something for the mother in law or the in laws or anyone else. If she was appreciated. That's it. Appreciate it with a smile and a few words of Thank you, Kamala Hey Valerie, would you That was awesome. That was so lovely. You know, I see I see you are working from nine o'clock. It's 12 I'm sure this is gonna be a lovely lovely meal. A few words like that say them we do not say them. That's the reason why we are unhappy.

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We don't appreciate we expect she can come up and say I don't want to cook anymore. What are you going to do?

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Well, heaven lies under my feet. Sorry, wrong person.

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May Allah subhanho wa Taala guide us.

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We use and abuse religious statements just to make ourselves feel good.

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when it suits us we say things in order to justify our criminal behavior. So it will it's so harsh, but it's true.

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In our home, sometimes we terrorize our kids. We terrorize people. So Pinilla

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so my brothers and sisters, I can see everyone is silent, the calm is actually much more than it was when I started. Everyone is quite silent. I've spoken for 15 minutes, and I'll wrap up inshallah. So my brothers and sisters Alhamdulillah I hope that a few words I've said today can motivate us to serve our children and inshallah our parents as well. And at the same time our teachers respect them, and vice versa. We should be respecting the students and the pupils as well. And we should be realizing that the responsibility is not one way it is two ways. Responsibility is two ways you would like to, you would like respect you respect others, give them honor. You know, we don't greet

00:51:25--> 00:51:48

each other anymore. We don't, we simply don't. We don't smile at each other. And we are taught to do that you see someone because they don't look as religious as you, you ignore them. Who knows? They may be better than you. number one. Number two is maybe your greeting might motivate them to become a little bit better if they needed attention. But no, we ignore them. You see the non Muslim sometimes

00:51:50--> 00:52:27

I actually get more good mornings and good afternoons from non Muslims than Muslims. Do you know that? when I'm traveling, sometimes I see people Morning. Good morning, and they look at you especially now, after what's happened in America. I've noticed something very strange. A lot of people who are not Muslims actually smile at the Muslims. I think they're trying to say, Don't worry, we know you're good, guys. That's what I think they're trying to say. And they agreed. It's happening now more than ever before. And because I travel, I'm noticing this. I've seen people non Muslims. I was recently in the UK. We're lucky without a joke. I noticed so many non Muslims greet

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me smile at me. And like, yeah, you know, it never happened before. It's like they try to tell you don't worry, we've got your back. It's amazing how the world works. But the Muslims themselves, they just look at you. And they just look away. I don't know. It's strange, strange.

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Learn to greet. Learn to reach out. And like I said learn to have I said it yesterday, if I'm not mistaken.

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Learn to have a good expression on your face. The expression on your face is an act of worship.

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Do you know that then to have a good expression. You have a good expression the people feel alive. The people feel good. Everyone feels good, you feel good. half your stress is gone. Why? Because you're smiling. When you're feeling really down, go to the mirror and just do this.

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Smile at yourself and you see how you feel. Please don't let anyone what you do that they might think you're mad.

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But I promise you you feel good. You're smiling because that smile. It has an effect an impact on your whole body starting from starting with your mind your mind. Allah subhanho wa Taala Bless you all deserve mula shukran for your attentiveness inshallah, I hope we would be able to read salata Asia shortly. But with this, I really enjoyed this evening yesterday as well. And I thank you for you for being here. And I hope to see you again sometime if Allah wills, my brothers and sisters, I love you all for the sake of Allah subhanho wa Taala and I hope that you can pray for me just like I pray for you that Allah bless you and grant you goodness and grant cure to all those who are sick

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and ill and have mercy on those who have passed away. And may Allah subhanho wa Taala ease the suffering of all those across the globe who are struggling and suffering in one way or another aku Khalifa sallallahu wasallam mobarak Allah and Mohammed Subhan Allah Subhana Allah homodiegetic shadow Allah Allah Highland and Istanbul Kona to LA salaam aleikum wa rahmatullah wa barakato.