Channel: Mufti Menk
Parenting Conference, Malaysia.
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Hey Mina SHINee rajim Bismillah
either shama tsukumo
kadala lg elgiva
either will be how soon
or even for suzu
It's been a
boy a baby Joining
smilla rahmanir rahim al hamdu Lillahi Rabbil alameen wa Salatu was Salam O Allah Muhammad Khalid al amin Nabina Muhammad wa ala alihi wa sahbihi what? A woman Tabby, lamb Medina.
We always praise Allah subhanho wa Taala Send blessings and salutations upon Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam for envied if we were to study his life, we would realize the great gift of Allah upon us subhanho wa Taala. The fact that he has made us from amongst the followers of Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, the blessing gift that is only realized through education and knowledge. For those who do not know. Those who are not bothered to try and find out may never know the gift that they are in May Allah subhanho wa Taala bless us and grant us ease. We send blessings and salutations upon him his entire household, those who supported him from the very beginning those
who struggled from that particular time in a way that today we are sitting so comfortable in such a beautiful position that we just need to take from the lessons that they have left for us, and from the goodness that they have left. And we benefit May Allah subhanho wa Taala bless every single one of us as well.
Brothers and sisters Assalamu alaykum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh.
Really it is an honor to be here this morning, in this beautiful city. And in this beautiful country, Masha Allah, this conference on parenting, and Islamic education. We ask Allah Subhana Allah to Allah to not not only to benefit us who are seated here, but to take it across the globe in a way that everyone can learn a lesson. We all know that it has become so challenging
to fulfill the role of a parent, in an age where a lot of instruction now comes from those who are not parents. The children take the instructions, not only from their friends, but even from applications on their mobile phones that are there in order to instruct them and not all these instructions will be good. So what do we do as parents it's important because the role of parenthood or parenting shall always be that of the parents.
It will never ever shift from them. When we have our children they are our children, but they are an amount of
from Allah subhanho wa Taala, a trust and trusted upon us. So what we should be doing is
And remembering that the guidelines of the Sharia will never change, but the way they are implemented will change from the changing of time, depending on technology depending on what is available, depending on the situation we are living in, the way we apply the laws that the Sharia has come with may differ. And this is why if we look at the
understanding of parenting, it is said to be a process of caretaking and educating through which you help your child grow from a dependent child to an independent adult. This is what it is. So how can I help my child who is totally dependent at an early age to develop in a way that at one stage they become? Absolutely or should I say, perhaps not the term absolutely, because we are all dependent on Allah subhanho wa Taala, but independent to the degree that they don't need me or my instruction anymore, and they can then be prepared to become parents have their own.
A lot of us would admit that when we had our first child may Allah grant those who don't have children, children. But for those of us who do have our own children, when we've had our first child, sometimes we may not have been prepared for it as such, we may have learned as we progressed, such that when we had the second child, perhaps we were in a better position to understand. And then we suddenly realized that in the gap between the two children, life has changed so much that we are learning again, some Hana law. And technology has become so advanced and continues to become advanced that we face new challenges, they call it a generation gap. Which means sometimes we don't
understand the way our own children think yet they are our children. It's the generation gap. It's sometimes that which we are not in touch with. And this is why it is of utmost importance for parents to be in touch with the times to understand that realize what is it that boosts that feeling within their own children of being loved? A long time ago, parents did not need to say I love you, for the children to feel the love. Today you need to hug and kiss your child. And on top of that, tell them so many times that you love them in so many different ways. Still, sometimes they might look at you and doubt that Allahu Akbar, Allah subhanho wa Taala grant us children who can
understand that children in sha Allah, who really can be a means of the coolness of our eyes. And may Allah subhanho wa Taala grant us the ability to fulfill the role and responsibility of parenthood.
Brothers and sisters, fathers and mothers, some of our children are actually orphans, yet they have both parents alive. The reason is, sometimes we have not spent enough time with our children, we have not given them the attention they need. And we have not spent the time with our own children that we are supposed to, as those who have been made responsible by Allah subhanho wa Taala. So there becomes a deficit that they would fill from somewhere else. This deficit, sometimes, especially in this particular age, is very easily filled through technology. Most of our children have mobile phones, most of them have access to the internet. In fact, they should be having limited
access to the internet from an early age so that they can be taught how to use technology, a lot of us shy away from technology in the name of Islam. And we say it is wrong for our child to have a phone at an early age, not realizing that in actual fact, it is wrong for us not to show them how to use what is at their disposal, and what they are going to have whether you like it or not many of our children who perhaps we have prohibited from mobile phones have them but behind our backs. So is this what Islam is all about? That we just need to punish a child rather than discipline them and teach them? Do you know that punishment encourages doing a deed that is wrong behind your back
whereas discipline would encourage the correct the correction of a D in a way that they would do it perhaps in front of you but correctly. And this is why we prefer the use of the term discipline rather than punishment. And this is an Islamic teaching, because when admonishing a child, take a look at what the prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam says regarding salah and we are not shy of the ad. We are not shy of the Sacred Scripture. We need to understand it as I said and implemented in today's age like I always say the scripture the sacred
Scripture will never change. But the way it is implemented, would probably differ from country to country society to society from age to age, that does not mean we delete a verse or we are embarrassed of a hadith of Rasulullah sallallahu wasallam No, but what it does mean is we need to learn the implementation of a take a look at the ideas of Salah where the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam says Morrow Ola de combi Salah to whom Abner
instruct your children to fulfill Salah when they are of the age of seven, that means the instruction comes Oh, my son, you will fulfill Salah at the age of seven, does it mean they will not read Salah before that age? No, it means before that age, they will look at you and follow without you talking. Amazing. The mimicking of a child is immaculate, it is something that is a gift. It is as though the child has a system far more sophisticated than any computerization of any department. Amazing. So the child looks at you, and you're dressed in a specific way. And what would happen, the child at the age of two and three will try to dress like you amazing. This is why we say part of
parenting is your relation with your spouse, that is part of parenting. Because if you have a brilliant relation with your spouse, and you speak to your spouse in a beautiful way, you have respect and dignity between you the meeting that that child has been created automatically with the ability to do will naturally become an asset because you have lived with your own spouse in such a beautiful way that your child already learns how to speak to those he or she interacts with.
Whereas if we don't have time for our own spouse, the child will never have time for those who are important in his or her life. If we don't know how to speak to those who are the most important in our lives, and we don't spend time with them. And we don't make the time to spend with them. How do we think our children will operate as they grow. So this is why we go back to this idea. And we learn from it that children will read Salah from an early age of three and four without being told just by watching you. Like we said they will dress like you, they will want to go to places that you go to. And this is the gift of Allah, and they will want to use technology the way you use it.
Subhana Allah. So if I'm the dad, and I'm on the phone throughout the day, in a way that when my wife talks to me, I really do not hear her. It happens to so many people, they're on the phone. And it's sad that we have to continue speaking about the phone yesterday, a friend of mine told me chef, when you give examples, can you give different examples I said, but the truth is the phone will remain with us. And it's becoming updated as time passes. So we need to update our examples, but they will still be about the telephone, and they will still be about the internet. May Allah subhanahu wa taala bless us all. So if we are sitting on that phone, and the our spouse, the mother
of the child, whom we are trying to rear and bring up in a beautiful way is talking to us, the child is watching. And yet we have not responded and she's speaking for the last half an hour. Are we saying yes? Mm hmm. So much. So and I've said this in the past, I'm going to say it again, because it's a reality. Try it out it works. You say you're a fool.
Why? Because I haven't heard what you've said, I didn't hear a thing. I'm just nodding my head to say I acknowledge yet I'm in cost with my phone or sometimes with the television, sometimes with other things that are less important sometimes on the net. This is why discipline yourself, my beloved parent, if you would like discipline in your own
discipline your show yourself, show them that the table where we eat is for eating not for the mobile phone, which shall remain on the side. Even the telephone you can excuse yourself from answering a call whilst you are eating because it is not extremely important. Remember, the fact that you are sitting having a meal with your own child is far more valuable.
Many children or should I say many parents are complaining of their children going astray, not listening to them. And if you were to take a closer look and ask a few questions, you would realize that it is the doing of the hands of the parents themselves. Because when we have sat to eat that is for those who make the time to sit and eat with their children Mashallah when sometimes when we sit and we do have a meal with our children, what happens? We have not interacted with them. We have such a relation that they are so scared to talk to us. And then we want to explain how to use technology. We get upset when we find our children on Facebook after five years or 10 years with
images that are really unacceptable friends that could have really been much better in terms of quality and even in
terms of quantity. You know, when we say quantity, the less friends you have, the happier the life you leave, I'm sorry to say this into admitted because some might deny and might disagree. But today, it's very tricky. I'd rather have two or three genuine friends than to have a city full of fake friends law aka. So many people come and smile and they tell you all Mashallah yet they have some, something within them that they just want to accomplish, which is really not going to be of your benefit is that true friendship, let's be honest, friendship is all about a give and take. It's all about benefiting. It's about connecting. It's about having such a free relationship, that you
can correct your friend without them feeling bad. That is true friendship. Friendship is not just cheering your friend on when you know they are doing something wrong. May Allah protect us. This is why we say when we get into the lives of our children a little bit too late. Sometimes we might notice that they have had habits that they've developed from those outside the home yet it was within the home that we were supposed to guide them who to interact with outside the home.
These are very deep statements, points to ponder really, that which we will take back with us perhaps we may listen to this talk again and again. And the other talks of the ABLE colleagues of mine who spoken today and who shall be speaking a little bit later, may Allah subhanho wa Taala. Bless us all these are experiences that we share with one another because parenting is something that does not just come with a manual that you can fulfill and know that I am going to be successful. It has guidelines. But as time passes, we will learn that from the experiences of others we can take a page, we can really learn a lot from what others are telling us. Even though sometimes
five points out of the 50 might be irrelevant to us. But we will learn from them. Allah subhanho wa Taala bless us. Thereafter, the hadith of Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam shows us that at the age of seven is when you start instructing them. Regarding Salah instruction, meaning a little bit more film, you have now spoken with your mouth, you have now made an instruction. So if Allah is telling us this regarding one of the most important Pillars of Islam, what we need to know is regarding other things that are less important, we also need to lead by example, in fact, in a greater way, like I've just said technology, it can become the problem of the age and yet it can be
used to solve the problems of the age as well.
There are little children we've already witnessed some of them may Allah subhanahu wa taala. Grant us all, you know the coolness of eyes by seeing children innocent children speaking, I chose to read the surah before you because I was telling that a little while.
A little while ago when the children recited the surah. I said this is one of the most difficult sutras in the Quran. Do you know that? Do you realize that
either Shem suku.
It's not easy to decide just the first seven, eight verses, you can go round and round you need concentration. And I thought of something when I was sitting there, those who are engrossed on the internet all day, those who are engrossed behind their computers and their watches and everything else, they will not have that capacity to memorize the Quran, and the clarity of their mind to be able to know what's next. Because for them, I can't get out. I can't wait to get over with this because I need to get back to my phone to say hello to the guys I know.
It's reality. So we need to cleanse the mind a little bit. Do you know what I learned from technology.
Every computer has a capacity just like my brain and yours. And if you were to fill it with that, which is unnecessary, your gigabytes and your RAM gets wasted on that which is unnecessary to the degree that the day you need to quickly use your mind. You find it sluggish, you find the little virus that would need to be detected and arrested at the same time expelled from your system. Otherwise, perhaps you may not be able to perform as quickly as you should. And upon the level that you should. This is what I learned from technology. If I have my phone, I will format it now and again. I will delete that which I don't need a lot of us. You know this Malaysia is a country of
photographs. I don't know every time I come here I hear the word one more, one more such that when I sleep I hear one more.
One more Allahu Akbar, Allah does goodness. I'm not saying it's good or bad. But the point I want to raise from it is a lot of our mobile phones have unnecessary photographs so much that we filled it so badly that the 64 gig little chip is not enough for us. 64 gigabytes of photographs Come on. So behind Allah, the point I want to raise is, if we do not show discipline in that and we do not show that we need to delete certain things from our phones and let your children watch it. Let them
Do the deleting for you? How many of us? Let's be honest, the answer you can obviously within yourself, we don't need to know. But each one of us needs to know for himself or herself. How many of us could pick our phone up and give it to your teenage child to us for half an hour? Let's be honest. Take your phone and say, listen, son, I need you for half an hour keep this and you can just send a message to your mom or do this or do that if the answer is I can do it. By the will of Allah you are a parent who can really go very far by the will of Allah subhanho wa Taala. in teaching your child how to use that technology, we are embarrassed or we feel that we need the privacy from our
own children regarding technology, how then do you expect them to be open with you as to how they are using it? They say if you say son, I want to see your phone. Let's say that no problem first show me yours.
Children are sharp, they are extremely intelligent. And we are Muslims. We need to know that to lead by example is the epic of Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam lapada can Allah.
Allah He has Santa. Every day we read this verse, we repeat it, we hear it, we understand it, for you, are Muslims for you.
A beautiful example to emulate in that of Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wasallam. This is a powerful verse. And from it, we learned that to follow to follow an example that is enshrined in front of you is far easier than to be instructed by those who themselves they do not apply what they are saying. Allahu Akbar, may Allah subhanho wa Taala grant us goodness. And this is why we say some of our children are orphans, orphans, yet they have both parents because we couldn't give a damn. Sometimes we really could not be bothered, I'm too engrossed in my work. No matter who you are, no matter how busy you are, you need to make time for your children, you need to make time for them so that they
can make time for their makeup.
Children look at parents as Wow, at the beginning, they look at parents as ideal, perfect
Subhanallah This is my mom, my mom can never do something wrong. Imagine when your child grows up and sees mom doing something very bad. I have had so many children reach out for help, because their parents have literally been caught by them doing things that are unacceptable and the child is shocked in a state of shock. My mom, my dad, I can't believe that they've done this luck. But what do we learn from it? Believe me, I have wept, I have cried listening to some children talk about the difficulties they have gone through in silence. And they cannot tell their parents a thing.
And so much I feel within me that we need to be much more responsible than we are in order for our children to learn this beautiful example, in order for us to fulfill or to close that circle in such a way that when our children become parents, they too will be role models for their own children.
The most successful children are those who their parents are their role models. Those are the most successful, who do you want to be like when you grow up? And they say, dad, Allahu Akbar, What a lucky man.
Imagine your child, you ask them, who do you want to be like when you grow up and say I want to be like, my mom. Allahu Akbar. Amazing. May Allah grant that to us. And may Allah grant us the goodness.
This is the age of technology. And I have decided to introduce this topic in this way. Because
going back to the roots, and going back to the rules and regulations set by the Sharia is what will save us, no matter how much technology advances, Islam has not come in order to fight technology, no way. In fact, it is the opposite. Islam has come to promote technology and its use and growth and modernization in the way that we become closer to our maker. So when I have for example, and I've said this in the past, and application on my phone, say YouTube, for example.
How have I used it to bring myself closer to Allah, I'm sure almost all of us seated here, if not all, have used YouTube in a way that we've benefited regarding our relation with Allah subhanho wa Taala. We've heard a good talk. We've heard someone say something that's motivated us in a way that we've become a better person. And what did you use technology at your doorstep? Today, I know you and perhaps you know me because of the same technology, really. So let's never be from amongst those who discourage
embracing of technology, we must embrace technology. And we have to with its guidelines with the rules and regulations. Tomorrow, there will be something that we have not even thought of. Because 50 years ago, nobody thought of a mobile phone. Or it might have just been an abstract in the minds of people who are extremely intelligent. with us. We're using it. We're talking to our phones, people will think you're crazy. Imagine, Siri asked you, what would you like to do next? Lo Akbar. Amazing. And the old people to this day.
You know, the grandparents son will sometimes tell you, you crazy. You talking to the phone? And you say, well grab, the phone is replying. The phone is answering me? Do you want to try it?
You know what some of them might not know what you're talking about. The reason I say this is 50 years from today, we might not know what our children are talking about, and our grandchildren are talking about. But if we've shown them that, look, whatever comes in your path, not only should you be from amongst those who embrace it, but try to develop it as well. Why should Muslims only use technology, whereas we should be those who develop technology, something important. So our children not only the use of technology, but encourage them to go into it. To develop it to go further. I know of little children who have created applications, I know of children who have created certain
things when we say created obviously we talking of invention here, technology that has become so successful, a big hit on the globe. And we know others who have the mind who have the brain, and they still sit back and say you know what is haram don't use this.
And if you are to lay a blanket ruling of haram on technology, my brother You won't be living very soon.
Because there is no blanket ruling on technology of that nature. It is like a knife. It depends how you use it. It's like a gun. It depends how you use it. And those are things that can harm even more physical harm. May Allah subhanho wa Taala grant us goodness, and may He bless us.
The understanding of your child
is extremely important in today's age of technology, we still we still need to show the appreciation
of our children when they do things we need to acknowledge our children, we need to give them the attention. Like I said today,
a child may not demand your attention, because they can get it from anywhere.
And this is how the world has changed. So you find a lot of children. And it's sad to say
they are attended to by the television.
And nowadays, it's on demand, which means it's a little tablet, an iPad, that they have connected to the internet completely the Wi Fi at home in such a way that they choose the movie they want and then you become irrelevant in their lives. They sitting in front of it, and they busy watching it and then they watching the next one, and then the next one, and then they get hooked on to the games and the games. If we don't guide our children, they can swallow the killer. May Allah subhanho wa Taala bless us all.
We've had mums who complain about their husbands being addicted to games.
You know, you might look at me and think oh, not here. But all the people playing games and the husband the wife is complaining or when I haven't yet had husbands complaining it shows Mashallah the women are a little bit more dedicated, perhaps in their role as mothers May Allah grant us all goodness, but complaining that my husband is addicted whole days playing a game, I would never have spoken about it if it if it did not come from more than 10 people.
But the fact is, it has. That's why we need to say come on some discipline, your child will follow you and play the games and then what happens the child grows like wild grass rather than being brought up and nurtured like a garden that looks plush and posh. You know, if waterfalls onto land, perhaps you will notice greenery on it, but that greenery will be a bush from a distance it will look very nice, but when you walk on it you will feel uncomfortable. Whereas if you are to look after and nurture the lawn, and you are to cut it and perhaps you know fertilizer and so on an empty you know the insecticide and what have you, you will have something from a distance it looks grand,
and when you get closer, it looks even grander. It looks even greater. That's how the children should be you make an effort on them. It's important for us to make that effort. So like I was saying this issue of attention. People don't realize don't realize
that the children of today will find it from anywhere and everywhere.
They can chat up anyone on the globe,
I have a little son
who has limited access, obviously to the internet, normally what we do is the Wi Fi in the home has a time to it, it has a time limit. So it will be turned on from this hour to that hour. If you deserve it, you know the brownie points, they need to earn them, they need to have the dual stars, you get so many stars, and this is what you earn. So you've earned it, we will give it to you. And you fulfill that promise never be from amongst those whom you promise your child something and then when they achieve it, you don't deliver No, that will instill hypocrisy in your own child. So
you know, something has just come to my mind. They say, in today's age of technology, everyone's on their phones and their computers, the quickest way to call a family meeting is to turn off the Wi Fi.
What will happen? Everyone will rush to the room where that little router is to see what went wrong, then you close the door say right guys, we're here. Let's talk
about because everyone wants to know, why did it go off. That's the quickest way of calling a meeting. May Allah Subhana, Allah grant us goodness, turn off the Wi Fi, everyone comes rushing. However, getting back to the point I'm raising is limited access to the net, this child plays a game with someone in Bulgaria, for example, in Yugoslavia somewhere else where
they've never visited, but it's someone racing with you on a track. And you don't even realize as a parent, that my child is interacting in real time with someone across the globe. And they are playing a game with someone who is there in person, they have that attention such that they enjoy the game, especially when the two are compatible, which means they're good at the game, both of them. And then they become friends. They call the other one look. When are you next on line? Okay, I'm going to see you at five o'clock and so on. They don't even do that to their own peril sometimes. Why? Because we don't have that time.
May Allah subhanho wa Taala bless us. This is why take the time to play with your children as well. Even if you think I don't know how it goes, tell them teach me Show me Let's try even if you lose this, we learn from Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam like I said, Go back to the original, you will always draw the lesson and you will be able to apply it in a different way. Amazing. Come back to his life. Take a look at how he played with his grandchildren. May Allah bless them all and how he took the time to talk to children. He gave them extra importance. One would think he's an Obi of Allah, you know, you might think oh, there is a scholar of Islam, and he's got no time for children.
Well, that's not a scholar of Islam. If he doesn't have time for children, believe me there is a shortfall. He needs to sit and learn from the example of Rasulullah sallallahu sallam, when he passed by children, he would spend a little bit more time those are the leaders of tomorrow. These are the people we need to prepare. They need to look at you and I and they need to think to themselves tomorrow, I want to achieve even more than these people have achieved. Those are the leaders.
May Allah subhanho wa Taala bless us.
What is also important and I'm just going to read from some of the points that I have written attention
through listening and noticing what your child does. Acceptance through understanding and showing an interest, approval through valuing and praise, appreciation through acknowledgement and thanks, affection, through telling and touch. You tell them and you embrace them. May Allah subhanho wa Taala grant us the ability and authority through rules and guidelines for living. Amazing.
May Allah subhanho wa Taala grant His goodness.
Another extremely important point is communication. Communication has changed with the changing of times. We've already touched on it, but it's important to speak about it separately, because one of the biggest factors that contribute towards the downfall, or should I say the negative aspects of the upbringing of a child or the negative influence on a child lack of communication or the wrong type of communication that which results in the child's negative growth rather than positive growth. Sometimes we speak to our children we do communicate, but that relation is such that it's one way traffic we never hear the child you know, they say if you want the child to confide in you, you need
to confide in your child regarding things that might not be as important but show your child that you know what, my son I need to tell you something and say a few things between you and the child. So then the child will tell you certain things that is between you and that particular child. May Allah subhanho wa Taala
Allah make it easy for us. So you listen, extremely important, how you react to what you have heard from your own child will determine whether they will tell you something the next time.
So if you've listened, you've heard
and you have reacted in the wrong way, the next time, they won't give you that
statement that they have said, they won't tell you, they won't confide in you, you will want to listen, they won't tell you why because how you reacted was wrong. Sometimes they might say things that may seem absurd. Think about how you react to it. Think about the way you talk. You know, we have issues today. And this is becoming a big problem where parents are becoming an obstacle in getting their children married. A child wants to marry, for example, such and such a person.
And the parent comes in and says, I don't want this to happen. It won't happen. Why are you coming into my life? 20 years down the line to give me guidelines. Now when everything is over? And I've made my decision? Why? Why didn't you come and guide me from the age of 10? Or even earlier? To tell me what to give me the guidelines to say what? Why did you allow me to mix with families who you will not? Today, you are not happy that I want to marry their daughter. But you're the one who made friends. And because it was your business partner, you took us there every now and again. And so we grew up together and we started developing feelings and so on, you will never in my life that and
today you are telling me that you are not going to do this and not going to do that, that might say genuinely, but I'm sorry that it might be a little bit too late.
It's a reality, you might now have to allow your child to go through what you perceive as a mistake and come out of it if they do. And sometimes it may not be a mistake in in reality, but for you it's an error.
You might have to allow them to do something you consider.
Not the best of things, because you were not there when they needed the guidelines from the very beginning.
It's like driving here to Putrajaya.
If you miss one term, believe me.
I was waiting for that. Did you hear the laughter? Do you know what that means? That means we know what you're talking about.
You will get here but you're going to have to come back all the way around and so on you might have to stop at PETRONAS on the way that Allah subhanho wa Taala. Grant us goodness, why because I need to refuel. I didn't calculate for it. But this is what has happened. So in life, the same thing happens with our children, when we've missed a turn and we've allowed it to pass sometimes we will it will take a long time before we can get back on track. And sometimes we might have to use a different route altogether. May Allah Subhana Allah grant us goodness and may make us from those who realize and understand.
It is also extremely important
that as we are guiding our children, how to use technology,
we have chosen the correct guides for our children.
this point is extremely important many of us, we look at the schools around and we choose for our children what we perceive is the best without actually having gone into the school or looked at what exactly they are inclined towards. Today we heard about brainy bunch Mashallah beautiful, and Islamic ethos, and you get the secular education at the same time.
That's what I would consider ideal because we are Muslims.
We are Muslims. And at the same time, we would like to see advancement on a secular level as well. We need the top scientists, the top physicist, whatever else, the doctors and so on, but they need to have those Islamic values, they need to understand their responsibility to the maker. And if we have made choices for our children at a time, when they did not really have a say, you know, which kindergarten you send your child to, the child doesn't really have a say, It's you who has the say at that stage. This is why we say you are shaping the child from the moment you choose a kindergarten for the child, perhaps even earlier, but that particular choice is one of the biggest
one the first biggest choice that you are going to make. What kindergarten Am I sending my child to? Because what you need to consider is the type of people that go to the same kindergarten.
What you need to consider is what they teach them, what their inclinations are, what type of values are there, and at the same time, those who teach at a kindergarten
what level of living are they upon
Important when I say that, I mean, today we heard something extremely important, where the tutor is telling you this is my life, I consider it an act of worship to teach Mashallah, if that's the case, we're heading in the right direction because I am in trusting my child to someone who is going to have perhaps an impact on that child greater than mine for a certain period of time.
May Allah subhanahu wa taala bless us so we make a choice. Sometimes we make the wrong choices. We just say wow, top school everyone's you know, the big people are sending their kids they let the kids go there as well. And we don't realize it might have been the biggest mistake ever.
This is why my brothers and sisters, those who have given Islamic ethos preference have never gone wrong.
have never gone wrong. When I say Islamic ethos, what is meant is we would like to develop on a worldly front as well. We have to we must like I said, we embrace technology. We'd like to be a part of the growth of technology. Look at cyber Jaya. Just that word
brought something to my mind when I didn't even know what the history of it was. Until I said yeah Allah whoever's idea this was really has shown that Islam is about enhancing progressing. We want to be the top in development. But that must not take away my Islamic identity. That's always saying we want to be the top in everything. But it must not take away the fact that I am a member of the oma of Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam as a priority. My Salah shouldn't go when I've suddenly become the top Professor on a global level.
My duty unto Allah must not be compromised, just because I've earned my first million
naira, Allah subhanho wa Taala bless us all.
So this is why we say the decisions we make extremely important. The schools we send our children to do you know
that Allah subhanho wa Taala has created a child in such a way that in the early years, the child is dependent on the parent to exist or the caregiver or the Guardian,
almost completely, so the nappy change. In fact, the name that is given is given by someone else, not the child, no child cries their name, you know, from the early age, to say this will be my name, no child will do that. But
those who are around the child will give a name Mashallah. It shows you have control, almost complete control, the changing of the nappy, the type of food that will be eaten, for example, the type of clothing that will be worn, the type of toys that shall be played with. So you have a little child at an early age, you buy them a small little rattle, you know, a rattle, which has beans in it, for example, and you make that little noise and the child will laugh and the child will become so excited and happy, who chose the rattle you did. And then what happens a lot takes away that control from you step by step, every moment, a little bit of that control is going so when you have
the control, use it wisely in such a way that when you have lost that control, the child will then take charge in a beautiful responsible way. You only have a few years to do that. And as technology progresses, your years have become less and less. That may now give you an example. So you've chosen the child's name and what the child will wear as the child grows up the child had no say Mashallah, laughing smiling with you and so on. And as the child grew, then you decided to buy the child a toy and the child says I don't want that toy mom. First time you're answering me. I don't want that toy. But all along I've been buying toys and you've wanted them No, my friends don't have that toy. It is
such an embarrassment. They are playing with iPhones and you busy giving me a rattle.
You know, I saw I was in Dubai recently and I saw a little similar to an iPad for little children. Something that even a one year old can benefit from obviously, there are limitations, what type of a toy you have, even if it is technologically advanced. So what would be interesting is to get your little child as little as they may be perhaps a touchscreen device. But what the device does for the child will be determined by the age of the child by the will of Allah subhanho wa Taala This is something important for us to understand I feel that I have made use of this where you have a little
device that is perhaps the latest technology. But what is on it and what you put on it the apps you have on
We'll be determined by the age of that particular child. And it can even benefit the child as young as one year, two years, three years, as early as that, by the will of Allah subhanho wa Taala, you need to know what is it that you have on that particular device. So getting back to what we were saying moments ago, then you get to the school, when you send your child to kindergarten, the child will not tell you, I don't want to go here.
Obviously, they might find it difficult in the first few days to actually go to the kindergarten because they might miss their parents or the child might miss the environment they've been cozy with, you know, they call it a comfort zone, they've been in the comfort zone for so long. Now, to get them out of the comfort zone, they perhaps might take a little bit of time. But once they get used to that life Subhanallah you will then have to choose for them a primary school. By the time you get to college, the child might tell you that I'm never going to that college. No. So
and when they get to,
you know, a little bit later on, they'll tell you that, no ways. When you come to pick me up, please bring the good car, the nice one. Don't bring this little one here, you know, this is a work vehicle, I want my colleagues, my mates to see that you've got a Mercedes Benz, you know, the new S Class, whoa, the car of the age SubhanAllah. So they'll tell you that that's what you pick me up with what happened? How come my child is dishing instructions to me to tell me what car to come with to pick the child up some had a lot. Whereas when the child was little, I could have even gone on a bicycle to pick the child up and they would have jumped on it.
This is Allah showing you that we've taken things away from you. Have you groomed the child correctly, they would have never told you that?
Had you shown the child at a time when you had control that this is the type of clothing you need to have? by praising it, you know, it's not good enough to tell your child Hey, why are you dressed like this and start screaming and yelling when the child is 20 years old. You know, some parents do that. But it starts earlier than that much earlier than that. When you show by example, and you learn to praise that which is good, automatically. It will
give preference to what is right and it will drop what is wrong. If you always look at your child who's dressed, you know, in a beautiful way and say wow, you're looking gorgeous, I really like this and you comment in a beautiful way, they would know that the days you have not commented, perhaps you didn't like it. So without saying I don't like this, they already understand your dislike because your praise is quite excessive when it comes to that which is correct. And in this day and age, it is important to engage in positive parenting, positive parenting, you know, we come forth to our children as positive people, we use a positive method, even to relay an admonishment. I want to,
I want to tell my child you are wrong. So I can do it in so many ways I can say listen, very bad. And at the same time, I can choose another way of doing it by showing them what's right and praising it and perhaps, you know,
pointing in the direction of what is correct will automatically show them that the other is wrong. May Allah Subhana Allah Allah bless us. So
extremely important, I have only touched on a few aspects. I always whenever I speak on parenting, I always say that there are so many aspects to be spoken about. It's impossible for us to speak about every single aspect, but what is definitely of importance is for us to create this awareness to have little groups amongst us to discuss amongst friends, how did you cope with your child? How did you cope with you know, your teenage child growing up and so on? What did you do when this happened? And what did you do when that happened? And learn by talking to one another in our own circles, we will benefit a lot we will benefit a lot
and inshallah we will be able to encourage our children to do the right things in this beautiful age where sometimes my own feelings, I sit and think if today technology can make a person or break a person and more so it is breaking a lot of people who are in disciplined or who lacked discipline. I wonder what will happen two generations down
just two generations down, in fact, my own children or their children, what will happen I wonder where the world will take them and what the condition of the world will be because I want to end on one note that is very close to my heart.
Have you noticed how the more advanced we are becoming technologically, the less tolerant we are becoming of one another? Have you noticed that it's scary. We are becoming a highly educated so highly educated that I
cannot tolerate someone who has a different view from mine at all. That is scary. That is something that we would have thought would have been the other way around to say, because I'm highly educated, I can take people with difference of opinion and so on. And perhaps I can grow and become a more tolerant person. As time passes. Sadly, it's becoming the other way, time is passing, and people are becoming intolerant, people are becoming close minded, people are becoming more vulgar, there is more hate speech.
And souhan allow, those who are attending that which is upright are looked at as those who are astray. And those who are calling towards that which is a stray are looked at as the in thing and that which is upright, the world is becoming topsy turvy by the will of Allah subhanho wa Taala, we need to do something about it in a positive way. We need to learn to love one another. We need to learn
to cooperate in that which we have in common by the will of Allah subhanho wa Taala, which is much more I'm standing here in front of you because I felt it was an important forum, I felt it was a very, very important conference.
And very seriously,
parenting is something
that every one of us looks forward to.
And when it happens, we realize it's a very big challenge. You know, people get excited.
And sometimes people become depressed.
When I say depressed, those who don't have children, may Allah bless you with children who are the coolness of your eyes, but understand one thing, perhaps Allah has delayed it for you for a reason. Perhaps he has kept it away from you for a reason. As much as we would love something in life, sometimes you need to know the Creator has a plan sometimes that we don't understand. So maybe Allah would like you to assist the children of others. Maybe Allah wants to delay it, as I said, and those who do have children, like we say, we pray for children, we pray so much for children. And then when we get them, sometimes I've had parents tell me, I feel like strangling this child and I say What
did you say?
What did you say? Weren't you the same person who was crying to have children a few years back? And he was saying I can't wait for the day I get married. And the day I have children and I have my family today you want to strangle your husband and you understand when you
look at the world. May Allah subhanho wa Taala not make us intolerant of our own family members. And may He make us SS so that people don't need to think that way of us. Now Allah subhanho wa Taala bless as brothers and sisters, I have spoken quite a bit and I have said a lot. I asked Allah subhanho wa Taala to make us people whom as technology progresses, we become more developed, we become more tolerant of one another we can contribute to the peaceful coexistence on the peaceful globe. Rather than people who make technology be a means of them becoming warmongers and becoming people who really create disaster on the globe. May Allah subhanho wa Taala protect us from that.
May He make us an asset to one at all. Brothers and sisters I love you for the sake of Allah subhanho wa Taala and I hope the feeling is mutual. It is Allah who brings us together the words I've shared with you, I hope they can be of benefit to yourself and to myself inshallah to yourselves myself as well. And I really am greatly greatly humbled by the presence of dignitaries in front of me, we ask Allah subhanho wa Taala to bless you all to help you all fulfill the role that Allah has placed upon your shoulders. Each one of us is a shepherd, and every one of us has a different flock. Some the flock is very important. Some It is very big. And some of us we've only
got a few little sheep We ask Allah subhanho wa Taala even in that case, to make us from those who can contribute in such a positive way that when they then look after their flock, they will learn and take a page from us who looked after them was all Allahu wa salam wa barik ala nabina Muhammad wa salam o Alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh