My Mother, My Mother! – Powerful – Honour Your Mother
Channel: Mufti Menk
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Salam Alaikum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh
Bismillah he will hamdu Lillahi wa Salatu was Salam ala Abdullah he Rasulullah Muhammad wa ala alihi wa sahbihi edge mine, my beloved brothers and sisters,
a very important question Who is your mother? Have you ever thought about it? Your mother is indeed the One who gave birth to you. But more important than that your mother is the one who was chosen by Allah, Neither did she ask that she have a particular child known as you know, did you ask that you have a particular mother known as her? That final detail was chosen by Allah and Allah alone. So bear that in mind, you are a human, you might think you're very intelligent, you've earned a lot you've achieved a lot. You are powerful, you are different, you are unique, you are amazing. You don't realize part of your challenge. And your test that Allah chose for you is that mother of
yours, that mother of yours, and the father, but primarily the mother because the Prophet Muhammad peace be upon him, has told us three times more about the mother than the father when it comes to the kindness and the goodness of companionship and, and so on. He says, oh, mocha, oh, mocha. Oh, mocha, I'm sure you know that we probably will come to that hadith just now. But primarily as men grows older, one of the first people that he takes for granted is his mother.
And the mother continues. You see if I were to take you back prior to the time when you were conceived by your mother and I.
The reality is
your mother, your parents were probably probably in the case of the majority, perhaps making dua to have a child. Many times people, they make dua, oh Allah bless us with a child and in the case where people have not made the DUA, but suddenly they felt they conceived Subhanallah what happened they then prayed and made dua after that, oh, Allah make it easy for me, give me a good child, bless me with this child, that child and so on sometimes, because of human error, people make mistakes in the two hours that they make. Do you know what that means? You don't realize by saying, Oh Allah, give me a son. I want a son. I only want a son. I don't want a daughter. I want a son or I want a
daughter. You don't realize that you can say more correctly. Oh, Allah blessed me with the sun. But no matter what you blessed me with I will be happy.
Because there are people out there who neither have boys no girls, ask them, they will tell you boy or girl is besides the point I want a child. May Allah bless those without children with children. I mean, so it's amazingly unique. Because Allah Almighty is the one who responds to that prayer. We believe in him.
The mother is excited. But guess what, as soon as she conceives, her health begins to change. What happens mostly there's negative that comes in, she has morning sickness, she might not feel well, she has to check her pressure. She has to worry about her heartburn at some point. She has to be concerned about her sleep at that point. And what are you doing your comfy, relaxed, beautiful floating in beautifully conditioned liquid that is absolutely superb. Your environment is unique and you busy going around? And that the 120 days you start kicking is well Subhanallah the soul is blown here is your mother, the heavier you're becoming, the happier she's becoming, the more burdensome
you becoming, the more excited she is about receiving you Subhanallah that's the first person you take for granted. And I know from amongst us, they are those whose mothers are unreasonable, totally unreasonable.
But how do you treat her? That's the question, she can be unreasonable. Are you unreasonable? You might want to distance from some toxic mothers, which happens at times, but to what limit? To what extent will you still consider her a person whom Paradise will be achieved? Through her service? Many people say no, my mother is really really so bad, so terrible. I don't want to have anything to do with it. It depends. Obviously, I'm speaking generally depends what she's done. And another thing even if she's done something bad, you need to ask Allah Almighty to guide her to grant her goodness, that's the minimum care.
When you see a drunkard on the street, when you see a person who's done something really bad.
Your concern should be such that you reach out to them with a good dua. You see a person who swore at you, instead of swearing them back, you can pray for them. You can ask Allah to guide them tomorrow, their hearts will be softened and if it was your dua that soften
In the heart Wallahi you've contributed towards empowering community and society towards the correct development Subhanallah look at Community why we're all good, people happy smiling at each other, and we're all okay, assisting one another reaching out to one another because we care for one another as an ummah, it doesn't mean that if you make one mistake, or a big mistake that people should knock you out completely. One of the disasters we are facing in many societies is those who have served time in correctional services, or what is known as prisons in other less fancy countries, I can tell you, they come out and they are not fitting in society and community because
people excommunicate them not realizing that this was just a person who served some time, correctional services, they corrected themselves, they were in prison for a while now that they're out, give them a chance, give them a chance, a careful chance, but that chance needs to be given. When I say a careful chance. I mean, you watch you see, if you notice that there's no change. Yes, you are right, in perhaps trying to minimize some contact some relation to a degree. But you cannot suddenly say, No, I don't want to have anything to do with this person. They could be anyone, it could be you tomorrow, you might have been accused wrongly of something, spend time in prison, does
that mean it's the end of the world for you? Similarly, what happens my beloved brothers and sisters is within ourselves, if our parents have done something wrong in life, it's not the end of the world. I do know. And I will make an exception when it comes to a father or a mother, mostly fathers. Well, when I say mostly, I mean, it's very rare, but it does happen from among those who do it. It's mostly fathers, fathers who have abused their daughters or their children, sometimes to sexual abuse. In that particular case, yes, we deal with it differently. I cannot come and tell you, No, you know what, relax, take it easy. It's okay, that's your father, we have to protect you, my
beloved child, more than anyone else, this adult, abused his status as a father. So in that case, I'm just showing you there is an exception. But when it comes
to the fact that they might be harsh, they might be strict, they might not like much that you do and so on, they might be picking on everything you say or do that doesn't make them evil people, that's your father, generally, he would like to see you succeed. Some of them are different Subhanallah different in the sense that the way they deal with you is different from what you might have learned at school or your father's should play with you and spend time with you and communicate with you and gel with you and go out with you and take you here and there. Some fathers are so busy trying to earn a living so that you can eat and they don't have time for all of that, and then you hold that
against them. And if they were to come for that they wouldn't have had something for you to eat. So which one do you want? It's difficult, excuse them. Alhamdulillah you might want to communicate and communication is important. No matter who you are. You can be a father or a child communication is absolutely important.
But your mother, your mother is someone chosen by Allah as a test for you. And my beloved mothers your child is someone who Allah has chosen as a test for you. You need to spend time with your child and the children. Respect your mother minimum respect them, make dua for them. Ask Allah to soften their hearts to keep them healthy. ask Allah to bless them, because Allah created you. That's why you are here today. And Allah chose the channel through which he created you and that's your mother. Allah has created a natural love within the heart of a mother for a child. One day when the messenger salAllahu alayhi wa sallam was passing by a lady who was breastfeeding her child, the
Prophet peace be upon him says Do you ever think this woman would throw this particular child in the fire? And they said no. So he says, well, the Allah Almighty is 70 times more merciful upon us than this woman is upon that particular child or is more merciful upon us than this particular child. So do you really this mother towards the child? Do you really think that Allah is going to cast you and I to hellfire? May Allah Subhana Allah to Allah? Grant us Jana?
So my brothers and sisters, the Prophet peace be upon him has told us a lot about mothers. I want to say to all of us today, no matter who you are, and how old you are, you are still the baby of your mother for as long as she's alive. No matter how great your bed may be your mother's alive. She has the right to call you baby. Nowadays, the wife calls you baby, baby, baby. You're actually your mother's baby. People say he's a mommy's baby. Well, who do you think gave birth to me? Who do you think gave birth to me? Subhanallah it's my mother.
That having been said,
as you grow older Subhanallah mothers complain always and they say
You know, my son or my daughter, they shout back at me, they swear at me. They are rude to me. They don't care for me. I tell you, nearly every one I have seen in my life, who has succeeded in worldly matters. And even religiously, they have a very close connection with their mothers. Trust me, go and pick up the wealthiest of the wealthy and when I say wealthiest of wealthy, I'm not just talking of rich in terms of money, but they have contentment with it. You see, that's what it is. Some people have a lot of money, but no contentment. I'm talking of those who have the wealth and the contentment and the connection with Allah. They have relationship with their mothers, I promise you
Come What May you have politics between your wife and your mother, but you know how to navigate it. That's my mother. That's my wife. I will give her her rights. I will keep her separately I'll do whatever but my mother, I will honor her. I will pray for her. I will call her I will find out how she's doing what do they want at a later stage in their lives? Nothing besides you just showing concern, nothing more than that. Go and spend time with her a day. Meaning in the day, a few an hour or so phone her call her find out how she's doing that's all How was your day, even if you don't want to listen to it pretend like you want to listen to it and you will be fulfilling something good
Subhanallah they become lonely but they gave birth to you imagine you help someone nine months. And then they ignore you for the next 90 years. Subhanallah decolonial. How
not only holding you nine months when you were born, she struggled and suffered many women go through what is known as postnatal depression. Many of them they struggle because on one hand, they need sleep, which they are not getting because why you're yelling and you're crying. Another thing is perhaps they had to feed you and ensure that your food was being digested in a proper way and make sure that when you were crying you are dealt with immediately. That's what they spent their few days or months or years doing. And then what do we do we grow older and just because of a small thing she tells you no, I don't want and then you see another? Which can you call your own mother?
Which are you okay? But what does it make you a wizard I guess?
May Allah forgive us? You can't do that. You have to watch your mouth because you pay for the words you utter to random people. What do you think you're going to pay for the words you utter to your own mother? Go and seek forgiveness, ma'am. I'm sorry. I treated you badly. I spoke to you badly. I apologize. Please forgive me. You are my mother. I know you will forgive me. And then she is smiling, thinking I knew you would come back. I knew you would come back. People always say oh, these Imams you know, they always say but the wives were siding with the wives because the wife is the mother of the children. That's also correct. You see, and we side with the mothers because the
mother is also somebody's wife.
People take mothers for granted. We just had Women's Day recently didn't we? MashAllah May Allah subhanahu, WA to Allah grant us as Muslims are women's day, every single day, we honor them, we really love them. And our mothers are very important. I tell you, something triggered this.
If you get married one day, there is bound to be a little bit of difference between you and your mother, meaning your wife and your mother about to be the reason is we were brought up in different environments. They probably cook a little bit different. Maybe someone doesn't cook, it's no big deal if you don't cook anymore. Why? Because now we have all these restaurants you can name me some Inshallah, isn't it? We have all these wonderful restaurants all over if you can afford it. Alhamdulillah why not? Although some might say it's unhealthy. But it's okay. I know people who don't know how to cook and they're 70 years old, and they've lived all their lives with either cooks
cooking for them, or someone their husbands or whoever else making a plan. It's up to you. I don't know whatever floats your boat, inshallah. It's okay. Right? Why should I involve in interfere in that. But to be very fair and honest with you, my brothers and sisters, when there is a difference between the mother and the wife? What should you do? We've spoken about it so many times. But today, I want to look at it from a different angle. Here's your mother hoping that Insha Allah, my son will take care of me, my beloved mothers don't get so attached. And don't let your expectations go beyond a very low point. Don't expect too much because you will be let down. And don't be too attached
because Allah takes away everything from you. Everything from you and I whatever you have today, anything and everything. It's going to be taken away from you or you will be separated from it through death. God, what do you have today? You have your children, you have your spouse, your parents, you've already probably it's been separated from some of them, and some you're still going to be separated from them. So too much expectation is a problem. Too much attachment is a problem. My beloved mothers learn to let go let go
Your little lion has to go out into the forest and the jungle and fend for himself. He might bring back to you a chunk of beautiful steaks. But end of the day you got to let him go into the jungle. Many mothers are too attached. They want to know every detail. What happened. What time did you wake up? What time did she wake up? What? What did you do? When did you brush your teeth? How much toothpaste? Did you put on the Come on? Come on, come on. If that's the detail, may Allah forgive you. If that's the detail that you'd like to know, it's going to be problematic. What time did you eat? What did you cook? What didn't you cook? How much salt did you put what? Please, if that's the
case, we're going to have a disaster in the home. So learn to detach, let go. You don't need to know every detail. Don't ask too many questions. Don't be the interfering type, but you can give good advice and slowly but surely they will come up
slowly but surely they will come closer to Allah as well look at us. As we're getting older generally do we get closer to Allah or further away? Generally, what happens closer? As you grow older, you get closer to Allah. But when you're young, someone can chase you away. If they are religious, and they portray religion as some aggressive thing that you got to get yourself into. They will chase you away. That's why when you see the young smile at them, help them you know, I remember once there was a young man who came to the masjid and it was literally, you know, amazing that he found his way to the masjid because he was a popular figure. Muslim, no one thought he would
come to the masjid. And the problem is he had a t shirt with a big lion on it.
And he comes in the Imam is giving his lecture in the lecture he says that gentleman, you don't ever come to the masjid with that type of a top and I'm thinking oh no, he just came into the masjid. And yes, we'd like to see an improvement with the top but there's a way of doing it outside and I was quite young. There was another imam who walked up to this boy and told him you know what? Ignore this guy says no, I can't come here. He embarrassed me in front of everyone. Wallahi it's an embarrassment. I think it was wrong.
All that was needed. Was there a few of those coats that hang sometimes outside you just need to decode the tape rather just use this for now. Done done. Problem solved. You can talk to Him about everything else later. But no, we decided to embarrass someone. The man found his way to the masjid. The Masjid is not your house or your uncle's house. It's Allah's house. You supposed to welcome this person you know when we visit Saudi Arabia, and they say that we are proud to serve the Hajj. And then you feel that perhaps one or two things that might have been done by individual people might not have been
showing that they were proud to serve the hutch. But generally they are also trained by their people to say when the judge come here, make sure you go out of your way to make them feel welcome because this is the house of Allah. So they try. We are struggling with the same struggles with our people to tell them when people come into the Masjid. When you've made people feel comfortable that they've come into the masjid you greet them with a smile and make space for them. As the NABI SallAllahu Sallam taught you, you get a reward for whatever they've done in that particular masjid. And for any subsequent visit to that Masjid as a result of your good treatment of theirs, you get the reward.
Now what SubhanAllah.
So, when it comes to our mothers, my brothers and sisters, remember, go easy on your mother's
look after them, even if it is difficult. You take care of them. One day, if your father's passed on, where does the duty go?
The duty goes to the sons, primarily. The sons need to take care of the mother. Now what's the problem? None of the wives want that mother to come and stay with it with them. It happens.
Well, in that particular case, can you work something out? Do you have enough in terms of means to keep her slightly separately but very nearby so that you can help and keep someone a helping hand or someone who can cook and clean for her and so on? If you can, it's your duty. Nevermind what the rest of your nuclear family says that is your mother. My beloved sons, if you run away from the duty of looking after your mother, because of your wives, I wonder what you're going to tell Allah. I wonder what you're going to tell Allah. When Allah says but I choose her to be your mother. You didn't choose her. I knew what was good to happen. Part of your challenge. Navigate through it. No
problem. Pray, pray everyday cry to Allah. Oh, Allah helped me open my doors. Talk to your mom say look, you know what make it easy for me. Please go easy on my wife so that at least they feel like talking to you. At least they feel like communicating with you how you're operating. They wouldn't even like to see you. You're making it hard for me. So go and talk to her in a respectful way, but solve your problem. Come on. You know Stanford Allah sorry to give you such a haram Exam.
But when youngsters are dating, they go out of their way to convince this girl that they are the right person for them to date.
And they say whatever needs to be heard to make sure they get her to where they want her to be. You want to marry someone, you go out of your way to go.
For a haram, you want to go and lie and deceive and cheat, to get something exactly where you want. Don't come and tell me you don't have enough brains for the halal to come and convince regarding your own mother and your wife. You have to apply your brains. And you have to ask Allah's help and go for it. But you have to look after your mother come with me. It doesn't have to be right within your own home and circle, but very nearby, if possible. Sometimes you have sons and daughters and the sons none of them want the mother to look after what happens? Well, then, the husbands of the daughters, although it is not their primary duty, but if you love your wife enough, and you really
want Jana, your duty is to look after widows and orphans that are random, not even related to you imagine what reward you're going to get to look after a widow who's actually related to the love of your life.
You get what I'm saying? We say it's not my duty. That's my wife's parents. I don't we know about your duty and not your duty. What I'm telling you, is it not that Allah has said that the one who looks after widows and orphans, random widows and orphans off the street. They are equivalent to someone standing in Salah all night every night and fasting all day every day. That's what the Hadith says. What about if this is not a random person, but it is actually someone related to you the granting of your children? Can't you fear Allah?
Subhanallah No, but it's the duty of the sons. What can I do if the sons are not looking after the sin is there's but it's an opportunity for you to earn a reward that's multiplied a million times I came to you and told you give me 100,000 grants and I promise you, they will be such a return that you get a million grants within two years or a year. I think all of us will go and scrounge the 100,000 from wherever and say I'll give you back in a year.
This deal that I'm telling you today is worth far more than that. To look after your mother's look after the elderly women of community and society look after those who are destitute those who don't have look after widows look after orphans. That's what Islam is all about people whinging whines, no, I'm a good Muslim, I make my five salah, but there is someone in your circle who might be cursing you, number one. Number two, if they're not cursing you, Allah has shown you such a massive investment that is glaring you in the face that will bring back returns way beyond your imagination. But you're blind to it. You know why shaitan has to come in the middle and say it's going to be
difficult, you're going to come out of your comfort zone, you bringing something in, that's going to be problematic. I can deal with it. However, there's something called a granny flat, there's something called maybe nearby apartment, there's something called a cleaner or a helper. Every time you cook, you can get it sent over. You don't have to have direct interaction with people who might be unreasonable. Like I say some mothers are unreasonable. But you have to look after that mother and respect her. She swore you you're not allowed to swear back. She disrespected you you're not allowed to disrespect back. And you need to train each other. As spouses that our mothers on both
sides, no matter what they say, We should not disrespect them. That's it. Husband, my wife's mother, I will look after her wife, my husband's mother, I will look after her. That's the attitude. Even if she's difficult, it makes it more challenging. Subhan Allah, may Allah Almighty bless us.
You see why I say this, and I want to end on this note.
We are growing older, what goes around comes around. We are growing older, my brothers, my sisters. And I'll tell you something, as we grow older, Allah Almighty will definitely test us. When you've made life easy for someone, Allah will make life easy for you. So what you need to do is make sure you do the right thing so that as you grow older, the whole picture becomes so beautiful that you can actually have an amazing, amazing life. At the time when you've retired. People love you, your grandchildren, your children, everyone around you. Why? Because when it was my days, I went out of my way to look after those who are slightly older. What's the point? All the older people, they look
sad, they look depressed, they they lose purpose to live, they don't even want to live anymore? Is that how you want to be when you grow older?
My beloved eldest fathers who are here and mothers who may hear this, we love you, we honor you, we will respect you. We salute you. You have every reason to live and we will make sure we stand up for your rights and we love you. Even if you live up to 150 We are still happy
And we will serve you a call to Cali ha ha sallahu wa salam ala Nabina Muhammad