Marrying should be easy

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Mufti Menk

Channel: Mufti Menk

Episode Notes

Jumu’ah Lecture
Johannesburg

Episode Transcript

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Salam aleikum wa rahmatullah wa barakato.

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Bismillah al Rahman al Rahim al hamdu Lillah wa salatu salam ala rasulillah Allah Allah He was happy.

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We praise Allah subhanho wa Taala upon all conditions we send blessings and salutations upon Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, his household, his companions, we ask Allah to bless them to bless every one of us, to keep us steadfast and to protect us and our offspring, those to come up to the end of time steadfast upon the deen, I mean, my beloved brothers and sisters, we will be witnessing the official creation of a Nika shortly. And it's important for us to spend a few moments speaking on something beneficial, that people could take back in order to

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enact within their lives, to be able to improve not only their marital condition, or the lives within their homes, but even for those who are not married, to be encouraged inshallah, to make that step in the right direction, and to be able to do it within the light that was shown for us by Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam,

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we know that there is something called the hotbar of Nika, which means the little sermon that is delivered prior to the changing or the exchanging of the various questions and answers known as a job and kaboodle.

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II job meaning, the proposal and kaboodle meaning the acceptance, it's very simple in Islam, the simplest act of worship, is the official creation of Annika, one of the prime reasons is nobody should have an excuse to have committed adultery. And this is why my beloved parents who are listening to me today, if you make nikka difficult for your children, you have made difficult something that Allah made easy, and therefore Nika is not a competition. The lemurs are not competitions, you don't ever worry about what people will think of you. But you worry about what Allah will say about you. Because Allah sends you instructions, we are too shy to adopt what Allah

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has ordained, because we are worried about what my neighbor or my relative is going to say. As a result, we made life difficult for everyone. Some people believe that you cannot allow your child if she's a girl to marry a boy who perhaps doesn't already own a house and the car and have a bank balance with 20 zeros in it. Sorry, that's a Zimbabwean currency by the way.

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But my brothers and sisters, what you need to know is if you have a responsible young man who has a reasonable job, he has good character and he has a level of Deen, that is acceptable. You let it happen by the will of Allah and Allah will open your doors because the child belongs to Allah before the child was given temporarily to you. Remember this, when a person passes away? What do we say? What do we say? In the law? He were in LA Hello, john. Have you ever thought of what that means? It means we all belong to Allah and we all are going to return to Allah. Did we ever say this child belongs to me and the child's going to return to me Never belongs to Allah. So the belonging is to

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Allah and Allah alone. So when Allah gave you a child, it's a test for you to watch. I'm going to give you something are you going to do what I've instructed you to do regarding the child or you're going to fill fulfill your whims and fancies regarding the child. If you do what Allah once with your eyes closed, you will achieve success.

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But if you want to make things difficult that Allah made easy, you will hear the initiation of the Ninja It is so simple. The young man when we ask him a question, he only needs to say yes, that's it, and the ninja is done. It is what done. That's why the Hadith says Don't, don't do no has no magic. There are three things whether you are serious about them or joking about them. They will have occurred. So don't play games. One is Nika one is Palak. And one is when you free a slave according to one of the narrations that was very much the norm at the time of Rasulullah Salam if someone joked about something, they would immediately be told you know what it's done today. If that

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was so easy that even a joke was considered done. We make life

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So difficult for ourselves, for our children, for our offspring for brothers and sisters in the deal. And it becomes a competition so much. So in some cultures, people listen from the back of the masjid. How much man was there? Five krugerrands Wow, five, don't worry, my daughter gets married will ask for six. It becomes a competition in some cultures regarding how much you gave for man. I don't mind you giving a smaller man. But please honor my daughter. That's all I want from you. Just respect my daughter. And I would ask my daughter to respect you. If you have respect my brothers and sisters, you definitely will not have major issues.

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Don't raise your voice with each other. Remember this. Even if you are married and you were screaming just before you came to the masjid. It's not too late to change that you go back and change your tune completely and you will find success. If you respect yourself by not allowing yourself to raise your voice. Trust me, you won't really have major issues in the home. Imagine you want to sway no one can sway softly no one whispers a swear word to someone else. It has to be loud. So if you're not willing to raise your voice, your swear words are extinguished. But that brings me to another point. Don't be hurtful with your words. If saying a good word to someone is a charity.

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Then saying a good word to your spouse is an act of worship. So panela act of worship, you must say a good word. How many of us even with gray hairs. Go home and utter the most loving romantic words that make our spouses blush. considering it Emily Banda Allahu Akbar, I think we think that you just got to come to the masjid and stand here and that's a bad it is Salah is definitely in a bother. But there are other acts of worship that we fail to talk about. And we feel shy to Allah. I remember one Auntie telling us elderly You know, my husband, I caught him on his phone saying words that I wish he told me in my whole life. So Pamela and I'm like Subhan Allah. When we asked him He said, I think

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I was just dialing the wrong number. Oh,

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goodness.

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No excuse no excuse. We say the right words to the wrong people making it wrong. And we say the wrong words to the right people making it wrong. So we know you're gonna say the right words to the right people go out of your way today. go out of your way from today, every day, just like you say other good words, your Salah, your tilava, your Vicar of Allah, it's on another level. But when it comes to people who are around you locally bought the rights of the worshipers of Allah, your family comes first your children, tell them how much you love them, and listen to them. say to them, sit with them, talk with them, your spouse, tell your spouse how much you love your spouse both ways,

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not just one way. The wife also needs to say how much she loves the husband. We are not only going to be one sided here, may Allah subhanahu wa taala grant us ease. So remember to be respectful, cut out abusive words increase the words of love and kindness. Don't be hurtful, because this is what is meant by

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Yeah, you have Lavina Mana

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sadita

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Don't you hear that a lot of you who believe develop your relationship with your

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develop your relationship with Allah. That's the meaning of Tacoma. Some would say fear Allah. Yes. Some would say be conscious of Allah. Yes. The most appropriate meaning develop your relationship with Allah that is taqwa Allah, O you who believe develop your relationship with Allah and utter only that which is straight up right that which is an act of worship, when it comes out of your mouth, you get a reward for it. Ask yourself one line, you know, this tongue is such that its size is very, very small, but the damage it does can destroy cities and countries Subhan Allah, the damage it does can divorce you from someone you've been married to for 30 years with two three

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children or more. And Subhanallah it was out of rage people say but I was angry. Well, who's going to divorce their spouse when they excited and happy? May Allah subhanho wa Taala protect our tongues may help us to do so when Allah says utter that which is straight and upright. And this verse is repeated on the occasion of nica. It is because of the importance of this I tell you as a marriage counselor for the last 20 years 90% of marital problems are connected to the tongue 90% of them miscommunication around communication, lack of focus

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Communication. All this leads to problems. So remember your tongue when Allah says guru Colin said didn't it's not a waste of time now to be la? It's not something that's By the way, we hear the verse and we say, Oh sadita Wow, I've heard this so many times, but you don't even know the meaning of it to Panama. We need to apply it in our lives. Ask yourself one lucky if you want Jenna.

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The Hadith says man can you know Billahi min ash Ed folia. Alia smart, whoever believes in Allah truly. And in the last day, whoever is worried about tiama, whoever is worried about the day of reckoning, will only utter that which is beneficial or will keep quiet. There's no third option for a true believer. We say we believe in the day of piano, if I were to ask you who believes in the day of piano, we will all put up our hands. But do you truly believe that is recognized by your deeds, your words, your actions, etc. Because if you truly believe, before you speak, you are worried we are worried about the court of law, policemen arrest you, and they tell you, you have the right to

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remain. They never tell you you have the right to open your mouth not once do they say that, although you do that is taken for granted. But they tell you you have the right to remain silent because you don't regret what you didn't say Subhan Allah Subhana Allah, silence is golden most of the time. Remember something my beloved brothers and sisters. When you say that which is beneficial, and you're worried about what you say, and you think for a split moment before you utter your words to anyone, especially in your home, then you're a true believer in Allah. When you hear people swearing, they actually don't believe that the day will come when Allah is going to penalize them

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for those words, they don't believe it momentarily. They might be a Muslim in in terms of Shahada. But for a moment shaman made them forget that there is a day of karma coming. The same applies to your spouse, you are married, you have taken someone's daughter, you are married to someone son, you are married to a human being, learn to develop the relationship with your spouse, it is a challenge. Marriage is not a perpetual honeymoon, it is the biggest, the biggest sacrifice in social relations. Nothing bigger in sacrifice of social relation or within social relations than your marriage. Nothing more important than that. You have to be patient, you have to work on it. You have to spend

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time at home, you have to spend time at home, what is the point of getting married and your life didn't change in any way in terms of prioritization of timing, then the daughter suffers someone's daughter who's your wife, or the husband suffers and what happens shavon contaminates the mind to make them look elsewhere. But if you are talking to each other, you spend time with each other you learn to help each other where you have gone wrong slightly. There are two types of mistakes. One is a massive mistake, a big blunder. Sometimes that takes a bit long to correct. And sometimes it's hard to help someone in that depending on the magnitude of it. But sometimes there are little

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mistakes we make. address them. Be broad minded. Don't be hard and fast. Not everything in the house needs to happen your way.

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Remember that not everything in the house needs to happen your way, let it happen. Either way, be open minded, be broad minded. Sometimes when I sit, and I hear people say, you know, I cook for this man, everything he wants to cook before he leaves home in the morning, he tells me what he wants to eat. And I said, Oh, Allah Subhana Allah amazing. It's not wrong. You might have had a good relationship between the two of you. But if it is a dictatorship, then it's not a marriage. A marriage is one day you tell her love. Don't worry. Forget about cooking today what you like to cook instead of what I like to cook, I will cook for you. And Allah Subhana Allah The last time I said

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it, when hunter came to me after when I went out of the machine, he said, Hey, you spoiling the new generations. I said uncle stay in your previous generation. It's fine. We're talking real facts. We're talking real facts. You're not getting married to bring in an unpaid slave into the home. No, you're not getting married just to sit back and spend the money of a man who might be working hard and blow it on unnecessary things. Yes. That's not what marriage is all about. You have to be fair, you have to be balanced. You have to learn to love you have to learn to care for your spouse. And can I tell you what we are lacking in the home today?

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When people say we are suffering in our house, the first question I ask

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Ask them at times is how much the law of the Quran do you do on a daily basis? Nine times out of 10 they say it doesn't happen on a daily basis.

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Subhan Allah, do you read Quran? The senior when How often? Ramadan is three months down shala we'll see some other

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every day you need to read the portion of the Quran. Well, Lord, he would have been bait even if it means one verse from your phone Subhan Allah, is it hard? I challenge you muslimeen who believe in Allah, we believe the best word in existence is the word of Allah. How's your connection with that? Strong, your marriage will be strong,

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weak, your relationships will be weak, your Rosie your sustenance will be low. Why? Because you don't have a relationship with the owner of sustenance. If you have a lot of wealth, and you don't have a relationship with Allah, that wealth will come with wobba and Bella rather than with goodness and Nana, which means it will come with sickness and with harm, rather than coming with that which is beneficial and good.

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We need Baraka. It doesn't mean that if Allah has given you wealth, he's happy with you. It doesn't mean if Allah has given you health, he's happy with you. Happiness of Allah is connected to your effort that you made to develop the relationship with Allah. If Allah makes you a person who loves to get up for salatu wa Allah He I tell you something, he loves you, and your relationship with him is in the right direction.

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I was embarrassed. When recently I visited a certain area in the north of Nigeria, where

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I found

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the community getting up for salata.

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And I think to myself,

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Jenna, we think we are pious, we think we are holy. You have not traveled? You haven't seen. You don't know. There are people who spend their nights in Nevada, and they have nothing in terms of material wealth. I've seen their children get up before Salatin and read Quran around the fire.

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We don't even read Quran in the air conditioning unit that we have with the latest chandeliers in our own homes and you want happiness in your house. Allah is not asking you for much. He's saying one verse 111. Have a link with me one verse, please. One one, verse SubhanAllah. My brothers and sisters, I hope my word has motivated you to read a verse a day, put your alarm clock, set it sit with the pond, you will die one day, if you developed that habit, good news to you the day you die, you'd have already opened the Quran that morning.

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People will be able to say and it's not for people to say but for people to learn a lesson from they will say this person the day they passed away early morning they got up they made their budget they set with the Quran, they always read for five minutes. That's good enough, it's good enough, automatically the five will become 10 The 10 will become 15 I want to tell you another thing you want happiness in your home, ask yourself do you enjoy fulfilling your Salah? Or are you doing it as a chore, love.

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If you enjoy fulfilling your Salah you have a relationship with Allah. If it is a chore and the burden and you are eating it five times a day but only to get it done with you still have a lot of room for improvement.

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Many of us we say let me read quickly. I'm going to come just now to sit with you. That one word was an insult to Allah what was the word? quickly. So for Allah you quickly doing it and for your tchami who's sitting next to you, you're gonna sit and drink tea with him for two hours. Allahu Akbar. May Allah forgive us. My brothers and sisters, Allah Subhana Allah to Allah has blessed us such that He has given us such a great set of laws, rules and regulations that if we were to adopt them and follow them, we would be the happiest in this world and the next, a person who wants happiness through heroin will actually be sowing the seeds of regret such that a day will come when he will

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really regret she will really regret. There is no joy that is permanent in sin. In fact, there is a false joy that is very temporary that will not even last five minutes.

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So therefore make it easy for your children. Today there is a shortage of good people.

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You know, you're you have daughters, you want to get them married.

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It is so difficult to find a reasonable decent person, you have a son, you want him to get married, it is so difficult to find a reasonable decent person. We don't know Subhanallah I was studying the reasons why people make life difficult for their children, because we have dreams based on the norms of the previous generation. And life has changed such that we sometimes cannot even adopt what has happened. And we don't even want to acknowledge that if it is permissible from an Islamic perspective. It might not be the ideal according to me, but if Allah allowed it, let it be, I might not be excited. But remember your dreams need to be adjusted as time passes. Because reality sets in

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we all have dreams for our children, my child will grow up my child will do this, my child will be this and be that many people say my child will be a half is my child will be an RD my child will be Atari, my child inshallah will get married to this and to that, I tell you what, my beloved brothers, my sisters. As time passes, the dream changes, the dream changes and it has to change. Do you know why? Because reality sets in. If you're not going to adjust according to that you will lead a depressed life and worse than you leading a depressed life. You make others depressed in the process. May Allah subhanahu wa taala grant Baraka to those who are coming together in the car

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today, few words of advice these were firstly for myself, and then for everyone else, and I pray that Allah subhanho wa Taala grant them an offspring that will be the coolness of their eyes. And for every one of us who is here, may Allah subhanho wa Taala bless us all, abou Kohli hada masala Allahu wa salam ala nabina Muhammad