Mufti Menk – Choice of Spouse Determines Your Entire Future

How old are you, brother?

25. 25. Okay. I wanna tell you what

I would tell my own son.

At at this stage, because you're a recent

revert, I'd like, things to settle a little

bit before

you don't have anyone in mind, do you?

No. So

I'd like you to let things settle a

little bit before you actually pick that card

up, unless

unless

something

unbelievably

amazing

crosses your path.

Okay.

This is the advice I would give my

own children. I'd say, look. You know what?

I don't think it's the right time right

now. Your age is right. Everything else seems

to be right, but because you've made

this huge change in your life, let it

settle a little bit. You don't want to

be taken advantage of. That's all.

When it settles a little bit, you'll be

in a better position to choose because

the choice of spouse determines your entire future,

in most case, unless a divorce happens, which

we don't want. But it does happen. I

mean, people have been through it. Good people

have been through it as well. It's not

a bad thing. Sometimes you made a mistake,

or sometimes people change over years. You know?

People say, well, you get married. It can

only get better. I know of people that

get married, and it only got worse.

And then later on, they separated and split.

It's okay. That's the reason why it's permissible

to go through divorce. But

I would say if things settled and you

looked at things, you know, you you you

would be able to

understand better what type of a spouse you

want. Because sometimes

when we revert to Islam

and we're overwhelmed, I'm speaking of experience from

speaking to people,

at times where people fall into different categories,

some become so harsh and extreme, and they

wanna practice everything

in a way that they start believing this

guy's not Muslim, these guys are Kufar, these

guys are hypocrites. Those guys are astray. I'm

the only guy on the right path, but

my brother, you accepted Islam 5 years ago.

You know? You have to chill, man. You

have to be in the right company. You

have to calm down.

Yes. You need to be hard on yourself

in the sense that do the best you

can given your capacity, but don't look at

others like they're not Muslims, and they're this,

and they're astray. No. That's not true.

They they they're believers. They may be struggling

in their faith. You come in to help

them, not to just label them and kick

them out of the faith.

So I'd like to think when things settle

and you see the way

you feel, you feel settled, Allah will give

you a feeling within you to say, you

know what? I think it's the right time

to to to find a spouse and to

get married. You have the urge to have

some companionship,

alhamdulillah, and this applies for both male and

female.

It's just that if something comes up in

between, you know,

tonight, who knows? You might walk out of

here, and who knows what might happen?

You might come back to me tomorrow at

the event and say I'm getting married. I

say well done.

Alhamdulillah. Do your just like we do shahada,

we do your nika, inshallah.

May Allah bless you, my brother. So that

would be my advice.

You you will know, inshallah, when you're ready

for it, and if something crops up that's

absolutely

amazing, you know, it's really

made you skip 1 or 2 beats and

and you feel that wow this is from

Allah,

let me then

go through it, see,

I always say meet each other, meet again,

meet a 3rd time, ensure make sure that

it's the right person. It's not wrong to

to meet and then to say, you know

what? I'm not too sure about this. I

don't wanna go ahead with it. It's not

bad, but sometimes

when

a lot of the women feel very let

down when you've met someone twice or thrice

and and then say, no, I don't think

it's a good idea. They say, you abused

me. You you led me on. You cheated

me. No.

That's why in the first meeting try and

determine yes or no. Done.

And the second one should only be if

the first one is a proper yes, and

you meet again, you get to talk to

each other, you speak to each other about

things, you you know, what's going on and

so on, help. You will have to help

each other. Marriage is a struggle. It's it's

a sacrifice,

you have to sacrifice a lot, a lot,

and that's when you enjoy the happy moments.

May Allah make it easy, may Allah bless

you

may Allah grant you goodness

may Allah grant you a spouse that will

be the coolness of your eyes