Protecting Family From The Hell Fire
Channel: Moutasem al-Hameedy
File Size: 30.16MB
Episode Transcript ©
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well while you're all had you had your Mohammedan sallallahu alayhi wa early he was Salam wa Shadwell Amorim of data to work with data team with their work will be that in Bala work will Ebola that infinity. All praises due to Allah we praise Him. We seek his aid and we ask for his forgiveness. We seek refuge and protection in Allah from the evils of ourselves and the evil consequences of our actions. Whomsoever Allah guides, none can lead astray. And whomsoever Allah leaves to go astray, no one can guide I bear witness that no one has the right to be worshipped. I testify that Nan has the right to be worshipped. None has the right to our ultimate love and
devotion but Allah subhanho wa Taala alone, who has
As no partners, and I bear witness that Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa early he was, is his slave and His Messenger or you who believe, fear Allah as he should be feared and die not except in a state of Islam and submission to your Lord, all mankind, be dutiful to your Lord who created you from a single person, and from him he created his wife, and from them both he created many men and women and fear Allah through whom you demand your mutual rights and observe the rights of your kins. Surely Allah is Ever and all water over you.
Or you who believe. Keep your duty to Allah, fear him and speak the truth He will direct you to righteous deeds, and will forgive you your sins. And whoever obeys Allah and His Messenger has indeed attained a great achievement. The best words are those of Allah. And the best guidance is that of Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa early he was salam. And the worst thing in the religion are the newly invented matters for all the newly invented matters in religion are considered to be better and every bid is misguidance and it leads to the hellfire.
Allah subhanho wa Taala
addresses the believers in the Quran with a profound statement where he says, Yeah, you already know. Or Fusa como li come now run worku Hana Ijarah
who am Fusa calm? Where he can now run worku Hana. So will he Jarrah la mala Iike Tonry lagoon she that lie soon Allahu Allah home wife alone I'm not on.
Allah addresses the believers to take responsibility, the responsibility of protecting themselves and their families, their dependents, their spouses and the children from a burning Fire,
whose fuel is humans and stones. It burns humans and stones and rocks.
And the Guardians responsible for this Hellfire are very tough and rough angels.
They are overruff nature.
They obey Allah, whatever he commands them, and they never do any kind of disobedience. They never do something from their own selves.
So the responsibility of any believing human being is to protect themselves from the hellfire and protect their dependents and their family members from doing anything that could lead them to the hellfire. So it's a responsibility. Yes, first and foremost, we are responsible for ourselves. But we are also responsible for our families. And this is a profound responsibility. And this means on the Day of Judgment, when each one of us stands in front of Allah subhanaw taala, for the reckoning for the hisab. For the accounts, you will be asked about yourself. And on top of this, you will be asked about your family. What did you do to protect them from the hellfire. So it's a responsibility
and you will be questioned about that you will be held responsible and accountable for whether you did or you did not effectively act to protect your family members from the hellfire. Where does this lead us?
It leads us
to realize the importance of our families and that we are responsible for them.
Because in the minds of many people have many fathers. So in this was specifically I'm addressing the parents, and more specifically, I'm addressing the bread owner in the house, mainly the Father.
Because we tend to think or many of us tend to think that
being a father is only about bringing food onto the table.
earning a living and providing financially for the kids, making sure they eat well. They dress well. They go to school, and that they grow physically healthy.
We think that's what being a father really means. So we limit it to that only to that duty. And when it comes to the mothers, a lot of the mothers think that the responsibility is that she has to give birth.
Clean the child wash their clothes
prepare the food. And that's it. And that's it. So in a sense, some of us have reduced parenthood, and the beautiful position or role of being a father or a mother, only to physical needs, only to physical needs. But this verse defies this kind of understanding that Allah says Your responsibility is protect you to protect yourself and your families from the hellfire.
So being a father or a mother is not limited to just providing for them.
Looking after their hygiene,
you know, helping them buy clothes, and go to school and just physically grow to become adults. That's not what parenthood
is about risk only only about that, it's more it's more than that.
So it's important for us to see ourselves as parents that we have to protect our children
and our spouses from any way that could lead them to the hellfire. Again, there is another misconception that is common among us. We think the only way as a father to protect my children, children from the Hellfire is basically to give them some teachings about Islam, educate them, educate them about Islam by sending them to school to weekend school, Quran school.
All by teaching them
personally, if you know Arabic, you know Quran, you know, some Hadith, you know, some film you teach them, which is a great thing to do an important element of raising our kids. But we limit it to that, because I can see a lot of parents are actually doing well, in this regards. They tried to secure Islamic education and Islamic awareness for the kids. So they go through some kind of curriculum, some kind of teaching some kind of guidance, they try their best if they themselves don't know, they make sure they send them to a qualified teacher or Quran teacher or an Islamic school that hopefully we'll be able to teach them Islam. I'm not going to talk about the
shortcomings that we have in the way we teach Islam, and in our curriculums. And in our the way we conduct our schooling. That's a completely different topic. But at least when someone doesn't know as a parent, how to educate their kids, they don't have the knowledge. So they they trust the teachers, they trust the schools that are around because that's the best that they can do. So that's a good thing. But that's also not enough. That's also not enough.
Because as the kids grow, grow as they reach their teenage years, you will find, you'll start to find that the kids, the boys and the girls will start to be more connected to their friends in school. In the neighborhood, they start to confide in them and trust them more than they trust their parents. So they start to learn from their peers, from their friends more than they learn from parents or their teachers.
And sometimes, this actually gets worse to the point where they start mixing up and taking those friends, people or people who are not actually people who are not qualified to be good friends, people who don't have faith at all, people who have developed bad habits, who have bad practices, people who have gone into the wrong way in terms of their conduct and their behavior in terms of their practice, in terms of their ethics in terms of their beliefs, in terms of the lifestyle. So when the kid starts associating with such people, they will start to adopt these behaviors and these practices, they will start to do things that are haram, things that are considered to be major sins.
And they would listen to their friends and their peers and not take advice from the parents. And the parents would start to feel some kind of disconnects. My child doesn't take my advice. When I try to advise them, they turn a deaf ear to that. They avoid having an honest and open conversation with me. They'd rather hear and listen and take advice from their friends from someone outside the house. There is definitely a reason for that. It's not happening randomly and haphazardly. The child all of a sudden, you know, switches their mind off when they have a conversation with their parents. This is a very common problem. And the consequences are more serious, because the kid starts to trust
people who are unqualified to give advice, or people who give them the worst type of advice that will set them up in their life and push them away from Allah subhanho wa taala.
And yes, the society we live in is quite challenging these days. There's a lot of philosophies. There is a lot of notions and lifestyles. There are a lot of practices and who
lifestyles that go contrary to ethical principles that go contrary to belief in Allah subhanaw taala that go contrary to the teachings of Islam, that they go contrary to even any kind of decent, decent living.
So when the child goes to middle school, high school University, the workplace, they are exposed to people from different lifestyles, different life orientations.
And some of these people are quite attractive, they're very well spoken, they carry themselves quite well. They know how to express themselves.
Sometimes they're well off, they have resources, and that's attractive to many people. Sometimes these people are successful in their profession, in their business, in their work in their relationships. And this is an attracting factor that draws people towards them.
So when the parents have lost their child, from a young age, by disconnecting emotionally to their child, by only viewing Parenthood was about feeding them and clothing them, and sheltering them, and sending them to school and maybe educating them in a in an academic way.
But what about the human connection?
Did the child feel they feel they really had a friend in their father? Did they find a friend and their father? Did they find the friend and their mother? Could they find a safe environment at home to speak their mind and ask questions and express their emotions and share their concerns
and ask and seek for guidance without being put down without being threatened without being questioned? Without being demonized? Did they experience a safe environment at home where they could really, they could find the best friend or their father or their mother, and they could freely speak with them and take guidance from them?
Or do the children only feel that their parents were policing them all the time.
We're screening them and surveilling them all the time.
And all we always having suspicion, evil suspicion about them, never give them the benefit of the doubt, searching for the slightest mistake and catching them and making sure we make clear to them how bad they are, how evil they are, how weak they are, how bad their intentions are.
And we think I'm a good parents, I caught them doing the wrong thing. And I pointed it out to them. And what happens in disconnects, because they can't find a friend in you. They can't feel safe in your presence. When they are at home. They feel they're being screened and watched all the time. So they have a need to lock themselves up in the room. So they can feel at least safe and not being watched. Because being stared at all the time is quite an exhausting experience.
That's not going to fall easy on some ears, I understand this.
But if we don't see the consequences that gonna happen 510 years down the line. Because of this, when we have forgotten that this is the reason we don't make the connection. Then we start running around searching for help.
My child is losing their Deen
my child, my child is taking drugs. My child is having a boyfriend my daughter is having a girlfriend,
my child comes comes late, they only come home at 2am I don't know who they spend time with. They come with a smell of alcohol, they come with smell of weed. When I speak to them, they never take my advice. And when they grow and have more freedom and independence, you can't do anything with them. Right? The way beyond your control. So what did how did all this policing what kind of payoff did it give? It didn't give anything.
We have to remember and keep in our minds, that we live in a society that's open.
In a Muslim country, predominantly Muslim country with as Muslim culture. You can, you can leave the education of your child, you can leave it to some extent for the society. Because everyone in this society, they take it as a responsibility to teach the child the whole flow of the society of the culture keeps the children somehow safe from very bad things.
So you can probably count on this. But when you live in an open society where people can do whatever they want, people can espouse the beliefs they want. People can save whatever they want. People can destroy their lives and the lives of others through any means by substance abuse by a lot of negative practices.
Your child is susceptible to that they're exposed to this so it's easy for them to fall.
into that they see it in school, they see it in university, they sit in the street, they see it in the night, see it in the neighborhood, they see on TV, they see it online, they see it in the workplace.
And we know that we humans, when we reach our teen teenage years, we have a lot of emotional changes.
We start our outlook on life starts to change. We want meaningful relationships, and we can't find this at home from the father and the mother and the siblings, people are going to search for it outside.
And the problem is when you have in school,
or outside in the street, when they have people who would listen to them, people who would give them some kind of validation, some kind of respect, some kind of regard. And these people are doing bad things, but they were rushed to them because of their desperate need has not been met at home.
I mean, you can argue against this. But facts remain facts, they are brutal. As bad as they seem. That's what our youth are going through. There's a disconnect.
We want our children to live our own culture, we want them to live our own times, times have changed. Times have changed, we have to see what's going on in our society, we have to see what our children are experiencing, what kind of pressures they are going through.
They have to deal with a lot they are being accused of being terrorists, they're being accused of being weird, they can't take boyfriend, girlfriend, they can't party.
They can't miss mix like others with the opposite gender, there are so many things they cannot do. But in school, in university at work, these people do these things on a daily basis, or kids cannot do that. So they are looked down upon this is a pressure there's a lot of peer pressure from the school from the teachers from the system from the the classmates from their peers from others,
then now their question is being Muslim, you are terrorists.
Then they are tormented by teachers and professors about the conflict this supposed the so called conflict between religion and science.
Then there are philosophical issues offered to them, where they challenge Islam on an ethical basis. And they create the frame ethical issues in a way that goes against Islam.
And the kids are faced with all of this and the kids remember,
at home, all they had to do with religion was forced to be prayed, forced to pray for us to dress up in a certain way for us to be in a certain way, never got the time to have a human connection. Some people don't even sit for dinner together as a family, or for lunch as a family or for breakfast as a family. Some people don't even live at home. There's no life at home. There's no life, the family doesn't get together.
So the reason I quoted this, at the beginning that we think saving our children from the Hellfire is by feeding them and clothing them and then securing some kind of Islamic education for them. What about the connection?
A boy needs a father figure in the house. He needs to experience the love, the concern, the connection, the care of his father, that his father is his mentor. So he spends time with his father quality time.
You spent time with your child with your daughter, the daughter needs her father to grow to, to feel that she is loved. That's it. She's precious, she's appreciated, she's important, she's valuable. She needs to feel this way she doesn't feel at home, she's going to search for it outside. And when at the end, when a guy connects with her on social media, sending her some nice sweet words. He can ensnare her
and play around with her mind.
And we say I don't know what happened to my daughter, you haven't given her enough love. That's the reason or one of the reasons at least.
The daughter needs her father, she needs her mother, she needs to be connected. You need to spend quality time with them as a family. It's not a mechanical relationship. We're not robots just provide physical needs. It doesn't work. The emotional connection could be far more important than any other physical need. They need to have your presence at home. Yes, life is hard. Sometimes for some people. Life is challenging and demanding. But it's not worth losing your kids. Some people have their problems, the problems from work problems, financial problems, they have them on their mind 24/7 At home, they're only making calculations. They're only thinking about the pressure at
work. They're only thinking about the demands upon them. So the kids are playing around speaking with them and they can't give attention to their children.
And they say I'm spending time with my kids, you're nuts. You have to be present. You have to give them your heart. You have to give them your your attention. You have to give them your whole self at that time. Spend time with them. Take them out
take them for a trip every now and then spend family time precious family time, make this the best memories in the life. Let them feel safe to come and confide in you and express their concerns to you.
So they don't have to search for that outside.
And when this escalates, you will lose them at some stage and we don't want to do this.
So secure that emotional connection be your father. That's a way a very important element of this verse, Who and Musa como Alikum. Now on Oahu, Johannes will protect yourselves and your families from a fire that is so burning that burns humans and burns, rocks and stones. The Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam
has erected in the authentic hadith. He would be sitting with his wife's father Matt approaches them she comes the Prophet Salam stands up, he walks towards her. Then he says marhaba and divinity welcome my daughter. He welcomes his daughter so warmly. When he kisses her.
He kisses her on her cheek, he kisses her on her hand. Then he takes her and he makes her sit in his place, he sits next to her. Then he says, This is my daughter.
This is my daughter. That's how the Prophet has spent time with with his This is how he appreciated his daughter. Our daughter approaches us and we're so busy, she plays around and we're just busy doing our calculations and our work and our business. And we think we're spending time with a family you're not they want your heart they want your attention. They want you to be there with them. Otherwise, they're not going to feel that connection, and they will search for it outside. The Prophet SAW Selim, every time and this love that authentic hadith. Every time he travels outside of Medina comes back to Medina, what does he do the first thing he does, he goes to El Masjid priests
to Raka. Next, he goes to the House of Fatima. He goes and greets her gives her salaam spends time with her, then it goes back home. Every time he travels comes back. That's what he does.
The Prophet SAW Selim will spend time with his wives, he would consult with them he would take their opinion. When one of the companions was asked or actual Dolan was asked, What did the person do during the day? What was his daily routine, she said, Kenneth hizmeti. Actually, he used to do things for his wives for his family for his house house chores. I'm not saying go and do the dishwashing and all that stuff. But the professor would see whatever needs his wives wanted all they had, and he would meet these needs, he would help them out. And it's not about the needs. It's about being there for them,
being there for them. If your child doesn't feel safe to confide in you and speak with you, and share with you their concerns and their ideas. As crazy as they may be.
Then there is a danger that they could see, seek that attention outside. Apolo Coppola was the thriller you want to come and go to the Memphis
hamdu Lillahi Rabbil Alameen wa salatu salam ala Sayyidina Muhammad wa ala alihi wa sahbihi Jermaine. Again, as I said mainly the ones who are addressed in this Courtois are the parents or the parents, but this also applies to siblings, towards the other siblings. And it applies to even generally in society members have the same kind of community, they should watch each other's backs, they should be concerned for one another, be you know, extend attention and care to one another and be respectful, at least be respectful. If you're not going to be kind of at least let's be respectful to one another. And so, when we when Allah Subhan Allah says protects your family,
yourselves and families from the hellfire, there's so many things that you need to do.
In addition to meeting the basic needs, these emotional needs are much more profound. They're much more profound, because when your children find solace, and they find
a listening ear, outside the house, what this person is outside the house, who they are, is going to have a lot of influence on your child. And if you look around most of the time, it's going to be a negative influence. So we need to foster more safe environments at home where the child can really find their own paradise in this in this world at home. They can find meaningful relationships
and having a friendship with your child doesn't mean losing the respect. It doesn't at all. Me losing the respect and it was actually narrated from Pamela hottub early Allah I know that he said him but he allegedly in your corner Phoebe Tijuca
a man in his house should be like a child. That he's playful. He's innocent. He's not so strict. He's not a policeman.
He is not some kind of detective that is, you know, chasing after his kids trying to read clues here and there trying to to catch them doing the bad things. Just be a child be
Be playful with, with spouse, with your spouse with your children.
And I said, you can always argue against this. But at the end of the day, this has very serious consequences. And if we don't at least consider it
will be held responsible because it's our responsibility to save our families. So this was the main advice. And this was the main point in this one, I hope that you take as much as you can from it. It's quite simple and easy. But it requires that you spend quality time with your family members, be there for them. leave the world behind when you enter your home, and spend time with them. Have a meal with them, have a walk in the park with them, take them for shopping, and give them some kind of duties and tasks. Let them grow as children.
Deal with them. As you deal with your friend and with your friends in a sense, make them feel happy and comfortable and safe with you that they want to come to you and share their aspirations and their dreams and their concerns. And their plans that they find you as a as a good friend who really cares for them, instead of seeing you just as an enemy, or just as someone who wants to put them down. Because oftentimes, yes, we want to discipline our kids, but we bring the anger that we have in our chest. And we would just heap it on our children thinking oh, that's just discipline, they have to toughen up, they have to grow.
But the problem is you pay a very hefty price for that at the end of the day.
So again, shallot
soon, the Hajj season is around the corner. So I ask Allah subhanaw taala to facilitate you to make it easy for our brothers and sisters who are going for Hajj. And also as for those who are not going for Hajj, there's a great opportunity, the first 10 days of the hedger and sha Allah. Probably in the next month sha Allah we will talk about the 10 days of the hijab, we'll talk about the things that we can do. We'll talk about the old fee as well and the eight. These are things that are important actually to start preparing for them. Now because it might get difficult later on, especially with the Kobani or the old here Allama Philomena Wilmont Minato Muslim, you know, a
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