The Metaphysics of Marriage
Channel: Mohammad Elshinawy
File Size: 34.98MB
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hour are suitable for diverse films and alima all praise and glory belongs to a lovely thank him and we seek His help and his guidance and his pleasure
and his forgiveness and we turn to Him seeking protection from the evil whispers of our souls. And the consequences of our evil actions that are are a result of that, for whenever a guy is there is no one that can lead a stream and whenever a man leaves without guidance, none can die. And we testify that no one is worthy of our worship without alone, without any partner and the Prophet Mohammed Salah
was a servant that his messenger when he said, as a mercy to the world and a guiding light to the path of Allah azza wa jal and the Abode and the home of the hereafter.
And we bear witness to choose the words the words of Allah degree, the Glorious Qur'an and the best of guidance. As soon as an example our Prophet Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said the most dangerous matters, the newly added matters into their religion for every single one of them as a leading astray that only leads to the fire
to begin a law so a gentleman had certainly honored the human being around nobody, Adam.
Hamilton feel very well but how once we have certainly honored we've privileged the children of Adam, and we've carried them at lands and indices, and preferred them over many of those that we have created a great degree.
He preferred the children of Adam by creating them with his own hands as he creates our father either not he said them, and he referred them by creating this entire earth and the heavens above it for them, who will lead the Hala pelaku method of the journey Jamia, he is the one that created for you everything that is on this earth and he privileged them by having the angels prostrate to them. And he privilege them by creating them in the midst of forms.
We will create the human being in the best of stature and the best of form the best of design.
Every year they make an improvement to the new model of the car whereas the human being from day one until now what was finalized It was said that it was perfect. And I love privilege them above the other creations with their mind and their intellect.
And that is why when I must have had of what Allah said to Adam alayhis salam teach the angels the names of all things then he said to the angels now respect him. Now see how I privileged him now prostrate to him out of his respect.
So a lot as an honor that amount of his salon with that intellect and he honored his children also by giving them the faculties to become intellectual to understand.
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Allah is the one that pulled you out of your mother's stomach. She didn't know anything. When Jonathan was seven our level Sato unless either de la LA County school and he made for you hearing in sight and hard so that you will be grateful. So you would realize appreciate now he has privileged you. And that's why throughout the Orlando market, that means the people that refuse to recognize that and he says they are those who have eyes, they don't see with ears, they don't hear with hearts, they don't understand with it. They are like cattle. I love privilege them and they reduce themselves. They just follow the herd they follow the crowd. They don't use without low
but at the same time, I will
Mata Baraka Darla, after giving us these faculties to understand from his beautiful wisdom is that he kept us dependent on him.
So he gave us the eyes to see. So we can understand what's happening in front of us. But he made that eyesight dependent on light for your eyes cannot benefit you, when there is no light around.
All praise belongs to Allah, the first person who created the heavens and the earth and created darkness and light. You know, they say in science, that there is no such thing as darkness really, there is the absence of light.
And there is no such thing as cold really, it's the absence of heat. But Allah told us No, I created these things mean they didn't exist, I created them, I put them into existence. So he put life as well into existence so your eyes would work. And likewise, even though he privileged us with intellect, he made that intellect dependent on His revelation. So His revelation for our lines is wacky to our intellect is just like, in the sense of dependency, the light for our eyes, our eyes are useless without this light, and our intellect is useless when it is used outside beyond without depending on his way to make sure we understand things correctly.
And I wish for the remainder of this football, just to use the example of the home to show you how much our minds are dependent on the revelation of a law of syllogism. Because we are in a time where the home hardly exists. There are houses but there are no homes.
The fast food industry and the fast paced world has destroyed the home and the structured institution of the home and has caused moral decadence morality has been thrown out the window and values have been thrown out the window. And this is necessary. Why do you think the Quran and Sunnah is filled with rulings on family life on social life, because you will not be able to continue with your job on this earth without being able to understand the world around you correctly. This is not just dunion getting married and having children, some people go to an extreme and say that is good. Yeah, we're working for the film, this could be your obstacle, if you don't get it right, you're not
going to be able to put up with your duty, you're not going to be able to handle the challenges, you're not going to be able to know how to carry that load on the way to the NFL. And that's why on Monday was the mind so that we may listen to him and understand correctly and see the Crossroads correctly and make the choices correctly. And that is only when we understand what to expect from this world around us. And when we don't know how to build a proper mental image of this world around us, and the home today will just be our example. That will be the source of all of our frustrations.
So our job in this world is to figure out what Allah sent us of information, so that we don't get caught up frustrated. Because we have these unreal expectations. We're looking at it all wrong. And humanity No matter how much it progresses, no matter how intellectual become no matter how advanced The world has reached,
of accomplishments and research and knowledge and the likes without the revelation of a was so urgent, they still frustrating themselves and told us that and we see it also, when he said at the rally salon, we gave into like two and made the angels makes a Jew to him because of that he sent from Entebbe, our Buddha,
but whoever follows my revelation will never be confused will never be mistaken, and will never be miserable. You'll be frustrated with life.
Many of us who are frustrated with our lives, and we're confused in our lives, because we don't know how to look at it. And that's why the psychologists now nowadays they see that expectations are the mother of these frustrations. When you expect the wrong out of something you're going to get frustrated. you're setting yourself up for disappointment. And outside of looking through why we're setting ourselves up for disappointment. So the whole the homes that are built nowadays across the globe because the world's a small village now, by and large people get married based on an expectation that if I look at her and she's beautiful, if I look at him and he's handsome,
everything else is resolvable.
Our Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam
told us that this is a reality and that it takes place. He said a woman is married for a wealth and her status and her beauty and her religion makes sure you pick the woman of religion. So you will be successful. Maybe wealth and status played a bigger role long time ago. But now, essentially everybody picks based on physical beauty. That is what is promoted. That is what is taught to us in these cultures. The concept of love at first sight sight means what I signed that up in my eyes. But this is a disaster. And that's why more than half the divorce is Muslim and non Muslim, half the marriages end in divorce. And those that don't end in divorce, they live a life just select that go
on just for the kids as they presumed, even though the kids are miserable as well, everybody lives in their own separate corner in the home, nobody talks to anybody. That's it, it's a hotel, it's a shared housing.
When a person picks based on beauty, there is a faulty expectation, you think that UT is going to be there in the morning when she wakes up? You think her hair is gonna look like that when she gets off the pillow. You think her eyes and her lips and everything's gonna look just like that. You think that beauty will be noticeable after the aging process, you think that beauty will affect you will not affect you noticing the responsibilities of financial crisis. So he gave us a proper expectations from above audience only expect to be satisfied when you pick on the basis of D when we left it when we expected otherwise, because we kept taking our information. We kept building that
expectation from movies and magazines and our bikes, we set ourselves up for frustrations.
So this is the first example about the home how the homes are built the expectation that love and love they are in level, some people think there's no such thing as love before marriage. And we must seem as though there is love but you're in love with the little you're not in love with the person. And that love will not always be there. So a person that basis their whole on that this explains very well where the frustration, the disappointment the letdown has come from. And then once we get into marriage, many times people expect that if I build a fake image, in their eyes of the words of my daughter, right, especially in the Muslim societies, so many marriages are impeded, because of
discussions on the wedding if and how much is going to be and discussions on ridiculous things like it is unbefitting of her to have a whole like this little cousin, these expectation that actually wants to bring happiness and this is the night of a lifetime so that this night will resolve all the other problems, they can fall back on that memory.
If you look back at the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam he made a big deal out of weddings he did. But he made a big deal in the sense of being hospitable to the people, not bragging and showing off and putting a price on your daughter. She'll say Mia
says the daughter of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam received from Alia shield is her mom. So whoever thinks that their daughter
is worth more than the daughter of the prophets of Allah, normally is headed, right?
To warn the people not to raise these prices, not to obstruct marriage with these amounts. And he would say to the people, for this will be a reason to cause hatred in the marriage. Every time something goes wrong, I spent this much How could you even look at me the wrong way. But when we expect that this is a price for our daughter, you didn't understand what that meant was it's a sign of commitment. And that would vary from one person to another.
And ever since this moment as a price for their daughters, that you have sold your daughter short, because all the money in the world is not worth our women. Our women are worth our blood we bleed for them. But once again, these faulty expectations stop the home from being built to begin with delay the wedding and cause it to be with a sour taste, and they will not fall back on it in rough times.
And then you move into the home we have this expectation. Many divorces happen right away because you expect that your feelings for your spouse's will never change so many times you've come through the past two three months. He just fed out text message or divorce or maybe on a Facebook nowadays right? That's it it's over. What the feelings aren't there anymore. This issue is because you think the feelings are going to be the same throughout. And this is foolishness this in the movies. And these people that are present those characters in the movies have the most unsuccessful marriages are no planets. It's just a fantasy. How can you expect that your love for your spouse your feelings
for your spouse will stay the same always.
When your feelings for our love Don't stay the same always, don't we believe that as soon as a man increases in decreases mean the way you feel about your Creator, the amount you love him fear the opening goes up and goes down.
The one who created you, the one who made you, the one who provides for you, the one who covers up for you. The one that gives you like puts you to death give you hearing sight, and on a heart, your feelings fluctuate.
And yet you pass a judgement, a final judgment of verdict on your spouse, a human being. Because you the feelings have changed.
The province of blah, blah, blah, they
would have varied feelings between his spouses, and you'd say Oh, do not call me to account for it, I have no control over. Meaning I am obligated to do what's in my control, to be fair to each one time spent money spent to the end of it, but the feelings I have for it should be engraved in so I cannot control these feelings. So place that concept in your marriage so you don't get frustrated.
Don't think it's all over? Another faulty frustration is that you think you cannot do anything about that feeling whatsoever. mean that love comes and goes and it's not explainable. It's the love is not there anymore. Our Dean came to fix for us how we understand how our hearts work, even in this regard.
The prophets Allah wa watashi wa sallam said to her do to have exchange gifts, you will love one another. Therefore, these acts of kindness, these acts of affection will generate love in the heart. He said, so some of our ego citizens.
So this quick write off of I that said, I can't feel for her, she or he doesn't, I can't feel towards him like that anymore. There's a reason why it happened. And there's a reason there's a reason or a cause for it to be fixed as well. When he says something well, I didn't tell him I swear by none of you will enter Paradise until you believe and you will not believe until you love one another Shall I not inform you about something that if you do it, you will love one another? After Sarah will pass these Greetings, these warm, affectionate greetings with one another. If that applies to their brothers in Islam, to the people of the same gender for sure that applies in the
and it's the thought that counts these small things, they are generated loving the marriage. And then they are what allow you to notice the goodness in your spouse and they are what fix your expectation that your spouse is perfect. No we have mercy on one another we have love for one another good times and easy. We pick each other's slack. He said
for a minute. Let no believing man hate unbelieving spouse in Kenny having her FUPA around.
When he hates one of her qualities, one of her characteristics he will be pleased with something else meaning focus on the cup being half full, not the cup being half empty. Think positive. Look at the good in her because you have to you have flaws as well. And even looking at the beauty of his words of a love audio system when he said Let no believing man didn't say let no man hate the woman. Let no believing man hate the believing woman. So he's reminding us in that of the most important good quality internet she's a believer. And likewise as if he's saying if you're really a believer that you will value Eman correctly and it will cause it to be weightier in your eyes than any other
Even if the marriage without hatred without the lack of love but you believe honestly you need to go your separate ways. Still you will not be that ugly personality that denies all good as Allah subhana wa tada says while utensil folk love a knuckle Don't forget that the good marriage between you and our Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam sent to the women on the day of free
gathering community of women get in charity.
For I have seen the children majority of the people of the fire they said why on messenger about what politic fulminant you commit Khufu
and Cooper coming to the NIH to to disbelieve they said we did we commit cofrin Allah with and I loved meeting we just believe he said no took full sun no you deny the good treatment you receive and then he gave an examples of the love or I think you'll send them and he said whatever I sent out Rodrigo he they couldn't get the hell up through my I couldn't I mean who Yeoman sua
out and if a man
is good to you for ages on end, and then you find from him one bad day.
You say to him, I have never seen any good from you.
These are what destroys the marriage is always and never, and you expect it always to be good. And that's when the moment comes, you forget it all these are fault that you're setting yourself up for this, and no one will be harmed by this, but you more than anybody else. Also the faulty expectations that our Dean resolved for us so that our homes would be stable and our families would have compassion and the children would be saved and the generations will be on the uprise will be an improvement not a regression is that our Deen taught us that the merits of life life in general, especially in the marriage is about given to
and it's more give than it is take really
everyone walks in and thinks I'm not gonna have any problems because I'm religious, and the other party's religious, my husband or wife is religious. We're in the world that you get that thoughts from. First of all, even if you're religious, the both of you, that doesn't mean you're identical. It doesn't mean you're exactly the same. When the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam had problems in his home.
And his daughter has problems in her home than whether you're setting yourself up for loss. You're setting setting yourself up for frustration, once again with that expectation. So Allah gave you the right to gave you their religion so you can see it clearly.
Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam comes home. And his wife Zane was the wealthiest of his wives and the most generous and she knew the prophets of Allah wanting to send them love to have honey. She was the only one that could afford and so when he would come over herbs, house, he would give him from this honey.
And I shall help so we're jealous of this. So they plan and they conspired a deal to listen when he comes, tell him what is that we smell on you? What's that smell?
And they know the shame of the prophet SAW Selim the bachelors, the higher of the prophet SAW Selim, the consideration of the prophets of Allah Vornado synonyms. So when he heard this from two women, he thought for sure there's something wrong here, not there. It was concurred by two different individuals. And he realized that both times I was asked this question What did you eat? What is that smelly? Was the honey and so he said, What mahila I swear I will never eat again. And so Allah subhana wa tada revealed the ayah Yeah, you can be you leave and to harima Hello, Hola.
Oh, Prophet of Allah. Why is it that you forbidden on yourself with a lovely permissible,
meaning you are the example you're the messenger, if you stop eating, the woman's gonna stop eating humans, even though he was not forbidding it islamically. But still, the people are looking to see what he does. Also, kinda without selling him, even though you give up what you love, this is the point for the sake of your family for the sake of your wife, right? That's not a religious issue. That's a personal preference thing. You have to back down from certain issues, you cannot sit there and say I demand my rights completely. You demand your rights completely, and to impose and put your foot down, it doesn't work that way. And it will not succeed that way.
And so he understood and taught us a lot It was an even religious people are going to have this friction. Because even if you're twins, you're not identical in every way, you will differ on some issues. So what about a person that is raised in one lifestyle, and you're raised in a completely different lifestyle, and then overnight, you guys have to synchronize? that's going to require a sacrifice. And those of us that are not ready for sacrifice, this generation especially, we're going to set ourselves up for a broken home. And the broken home is dunya. But this is in reality in effect as the price of
your food. When NASA v dunia was. Dean was sad that he made that the judge will come out the greatest trial other instance from Admiralty central the last hour, more people will be deceived by him than ever. He will come out when when people are in a financial low the economy's down and their religious commitment is fragile. And the relationships between them are frail or corrupted. No one's gonna save the next person. No one's gonna come down to their family. Everybody's going their own separate ways. every man for himself.
And the wolf eats from the flock the stray sheep. And so this is Dean
and we thank Allah we need to show in our actions our thanks our gratitude to a lot for pointing out to us these small big issues that we consider them small but so much is dependent on them, of keeping that nucleus of society together, keeping the family together.
hamdu Lillah wa salatu salam
ala ala Bob.
praise and glory also justify the nun is worthy of worship
alone for any partner that the Prophet Mohammed Salah labrada you're sending that was his Prophet and his service messenger.
So Allah sojourn created us, and he honored us. And he privileged us with intellect. And he commanded us to go search out his guidance, so that we can refine our intellect and be able to shoulder the challenges and the duties of being in this world. And so that we can fulfill our purpose of life in that framework.
of the faulty expectations regarding the home
is that the inlaws getting involved will solve things.
And nine times out of 10 this is incorrect.
The province of abattoir it was
entered upon faulty
day, in the midday hour wherever you want to take their midday nap, because in this time, in that part of the world with the scorching desert, nobody's outside.
So he would check up on his daughter.
And this is his guidance that we need to adopt so that we don't get overtaken shocked all of a sudden, with a disappointment that our families as well as to check up even after marriage. That was from his wisdom, he was the greatest father in law of all time.
So he checked up on his on his daughter, and he found something odd that I leave, Dalai Lama was not there. And this is not normal. Everyone is home in this hour.
So he said Ofer Lima, what is the location? Where is your cousin?
Because it was the son of the maternal uncle of a woman.
And she said,
something happened between us. And she lifted it. And this is all of her wisdom.
That you don't mention the problems of your household outside, not even to the in laws, not even to your own in laws, or the other in laws. So how about those who put it on Facebook? How about those that consult those that are not trustworthy? And even if they're trustworthy, they're not experienced?
Something happened between us.
And so the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam left her
and did not cry and ask what is there What is happening?
And this is from his wisdom. So the law legal system as well. Do you know why? Because many times the problem between the husband and the wife can be fixed only when it's kept between the husband and the wife. If you go to the parents, all the parent sees is what my daughter is hurt. My son is wrong. You can't help but be bias. And that's why we said if you leave it just so that you in mind, it's not gonna work. But human mind is filled with clouded judgment due to prejudice due to favoritism, bias can help us.
But he's the one who I didn't know silom did not try to ask. Anyone who's married knows this. And anyone who's not married, you feel lucky to do this before he gets married. So it doesn't have to learn it the hard way. And if you wait to learn it the hard way, it's your fault. You heard it earlier. You did it to yourself, the spouse and sometimes the problem gets resolved without anything. The keyboards and monsters had they forget the problem will take care of the kid. Or there's a need for some sort of affection, a warm hug or some sort of intimacy, whatever it is, they fix the problem without a conversation. But the people outside don't have that warm. All they see
from outside is what is the problem. It's only thing they know they could have already been resolved and the parents outside are still boiling, because they don't in the house with them.
And so he left
and he went to the masjid
and he saw him sitting there laying down actually on the dust. And so he said to him solo, blah, blah.
Whoever gets up or father does and he was dusty from the ground. Meaning he's patting him down saying the dust off and he's giving him a nickname. He's been
Soft with him.
And that will be the end of the problem consoling him and go back and you solve your problems together.
And even in the profits of a lot of audio segments, there was an issue between him and Ayesha. And I actually raised her voice to the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, and our workers. So, of course, a worker Silvia is going to punish his daughter, how could you speak to the message of have been like this.
And so the prophet SAW Selim kept him at bay, he was the one that keep the father in law to be for him. That is the rescue of of the Americans should only then can reach the shores of safety, you know, shut
this off, conclude this. And one more Howdy. He says, I was a judge in the Islamic Courts in Syria.
He said something like 60 years straight, he said, and I have collected and saw that 75% of the divorce cases are because of the interference of the analysts.
If only they would have taken from the guidance of our profits on the bottom.
And the last of the four key expectations in marriage, I will leave you with just to show you how dependent we need to be on the shower. That's why you're here. When I was a little mean, hi, Jimmy, I try the goal down for inmates in the community who did the reverse I already reciting? When guidance comes to you, meaning you're here on Earth, your job is to look for that guidance for your own sake for your own peace of mind for your own ability to live your life correctly and fulfill your duty before a lot
of these misunderstandings, these faulty expectations is that you think that every problem in the marriage has to be addressed and addressed immediately.
She says at the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam entered the home in the night and took off his shoes and laid under the blankets.
And then he got up slowly and grabbed his shoes slowly and walked out of the house slowly and went off. So I became jealous, because my mind thought he was going to be otherwise. Right, just so I got up quickly. And I threw on my stomach quickly. And I ran after him in the middle of the night quickly. And I will paste behind him and paste behind them and paste behind him.
He got to go to the grave next to the graveyard book theory. And he raised his hands three times and lowered them raise hands and lowered and raised his hand to lower them. And then he turned back towards the house. So I will now she's behind him. So she turned around. She woke. So he sped up. So I sped up. So he read so I ran. And so I beat him. She beat him home. And she jumped under the governor. She has so of course he got into the house and she's sleeping but
she's hyperventilating now she's breathing hard. So is it or is there something in your throat? As most of you can breathe? What's going on? Today? Oh, nothing.
He said, Oh, I said, will you inform me or will the most informed the best acquainted the legal club he informed me.
She said, I thought you went to one of your wives. I thought you were wrong.
And the profits of a lovely lady was excellent. And time and time again, was tolerant. And this is important to mention this, because many misuses was tolerant with her jealousy and tolerant at the time that she broke the plate and otherwise. And so he pushed her or translated struck her here. So the love article was, she said, but this was not a meeting for many proofs of the proofs is that the conversation continued, it wasn't a battery.
And he said to her, or if you think Allah and His Messenger would be true.
So he was correcting that word was very close to is that sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, because he said, or I Isha gibreel had come to me, and he did not want to enter because you had already removed your clothes. And so he hid himself from you. And he told me Allah has commanded you to go seek forgiveness for the people of appear. So I did not wish for you to be lonely. And so I got a quiet, I didn't tell you I'm going out for a bit. I took your feelings into consideration. And so I walked out slowly. And I went to a loved one and I made this Dora, I shall
miss the point of reference with my clothes. She says, and what are we supposed to say? When we go to the graveyard? It's a completely different subject. She changed the subject completely. We're talking about you, saying that I had grown with you. But what's the drive that we say in the graveyards? You think the provenance of the love I said didn't notice that?
Well, he didn't say hey, Don't change the subject. Hey, we're gonna finish this conversation right now. Right? As many of us do, we push. We push we push we press that envelope in moment.
have anger when the sun is when you're angry to be silent as he said some of our
best, you know the only bad
so she wanted to silence that conversation and divert to another one he said or I said when you enter the graveyard you say Sarah malenko do
you mean Oprah? Greetings be upon your people of the graveyards May Allah mercy upon us and you you have beat us to it and we inshallah will catch up with you, we actually will depart the lesson
and that's the honey we got the drive from for the graveyards, but the point is when he saw an opportunity to just ignore the problem,
we didn't throw kerosene on the fire. These are the greatest ways to keep the house warm and harmonious to keep the atmosphere in the house calm to let things go and people appreciate this a lot. So did praise the prophet SAW Selim and he said for our for our bond bond, he pointed some things out and he turned a blind eye to us.
We asked to listen to correct our expectations of the world around us and to make us humble to see that we have of the flaws will be blaming others. May Allah protect our homes and May Allah bless our children and May Allah bless our husbands that our wives our spouses, and May Allah make our home home a home that promotes our Islam a home that is filled with
make our home a means for coming closer to him a means to better being devoted of him May Allah make and remember of our home someone that when we look at them remember also kinda went to Ireland we alone make use of those that are merciful with others and those that are deserving of having a lot Be merciful with us may or must have kind of moved out of forgiveness what he knows about us and make us the best of people that are the best of their families. May Allah make us fearing of him behind closed doors May Allah make us knowledgeable of him in public and in private May Allah subhana wa dynamiq what is remaining of our life go to the Lord has passed and the ultimate best day
of our lives needed to meet him a lot most Muslims
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