Controversial Questions about Gender Salim Badat

Ismail Kamdar

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Channel: Ismail Kamdar

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Salam aleikum wa rahmatullah. I am very honored. This is something that I'm very honored to have Chef come down with me. Chef is from Yaqeen Institute, somebody who chef while he himself. I think this is our third podcast, I think this is a third era recovery ottoman and we call it something else before that, if you didn't chew on the Ottoman Empire,

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or one of the four, brilliant, brilliant, you guys must definitely have a look at those words on my channel. Okay, so today's today's discussion, let's get to it. Right. So today's discussion is a conversation of gender issues in the light of the Quran and the Sunnah, I think it's very important that this conversation is held. I think it's, it's, it's not discussed enough yet. Yeah. You know, so. So basically, I think what we need to understand, the first question is or ask was, what the reader or the listeners that are in, you know, what they need to understand is in the context of Quran and Sunnah. What is the definition of masculinity? And femininity?

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Okay. 100 is a very important question. And the question that we get asked a lot these days. For some reason, the past two years, especially this has become like the hot topic, right, everybody wants to know about masculinity or femininity. And I'll start by saying that historically, people never used to talk about these topics. You're someone you just naturally absorbed from your parents and your community. Right, a woman will grow up and learn femininity from her mother, sure. Your mother, your mother, your femininity, your father's a model of masculinity. So you will find many classical Islamic books that go into details about masculinity and femininity, because number one,

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it's innate, it's natural. Number two, is the details of a huge change from culture to culture, right.

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And number three, wasn't something that needed to be discussed. So it's important for us to first figure out like, why is this suddenly a topic? Why is this suddenly something people are confused about? And it links back to many other issues? Number one, the rise of feminism. Feminism has both killed femininity and masculinity by saying men and women are the same. And men and women are the same. There's no such thing as femininity or masculinity, right? Because that's what separates men and women should these natural treats that are different, so we lie to ourselves and many women are the same.

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And this contradicts the Quran because the surah Allah Imran worship a Hannah with Allah, when Maria Malays law, the Virgin Mary was born. He says about her, Well Lisa,

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the male is not like the female.

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This statement in the Quran and male is not like the female. You know, historically people will look at the answer simple statement, why will have to be in the Quran. But today, it's such an important statement. Because leave alone men are acting like a woman, a woman acting like men. Now we have people who are confused about what the agenda is, or changing the agenda. 72 difference in this? Yeah. So this verse is now profound and important for our times. So

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this topic of what is masculinity, what is femininity? I'll answer it with a few points. Number one, it's what comes naturally to men and women. Right? Number two,

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it's what helps them to fulfill their family roles. This is important the family room in Islam, the husband and wife have different roles in the family. And that's what people forget the mother and father have different roles in the family. And both roles are important. And modules are very different. So what do men need to fulfill their role? Allah subhanho wa Taala and Surah Nisa, there is a verse I called the verse of the gender roles, right? Allahu Allah says, I will reach out to one Munna Allah and His men are in a position of authority or home. Why are people now these myths translate this because they do want to upset the feminists. Right? But this is what the verse means

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according to most of the classical books off, see if you can open up the books behind me and see for yourself. This is what the verse means, right? That men are in a position of authority over their wives and children. Because Allah has blessed him with strength and Allah has blessed him without. Now this word allah means that men must provide they must protect and they must lead to the three main meanings of this one word. So Allah subhanho wa Taala uses one word in the Quran, Allah to teach us the three defining roles for me. If you truly want to be a man, you need to be a leader. You need to provide which means you need to work hard. You need to know how to make money. You need

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to know how to put food on the table. You need to be a protector. You need courage. You need strength, you need the ability to fight. These are the

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quality characteristics or masculinity, right? Anything that assist you to lead is a quality of masculinity, anything that assists you to provide a quality of masculinity, anything that assist you to, to protect the quality of masculinity. The second half of the verse, the first half of the verse everybody ignores and nobody talks about anymore. Aladdin talks about the role of woman, and he said, was slightly harder on the dark, righteous woman obedient to the husbands. Same verse, No one ever mentions the second half. Allah says Men must provide and protect, and in return, women must obey their husbands. Now, a lot of people don't like to hear this word obey anymore. It's a very

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triggering word. Because in feminism, it's this huge, scary thing, and it's a bad thing. And you know, in our time, somebody might have used this concept. But you can't change the meaning of the Quran. If you open most of the classical works of Tafseer, to see the explanation of this part of the bus, what does bother me that mean in this verse, Abdullah ibn Abbas, the cousin of Rasulullah, salallahu, Salam was the most knowledgeable of the see from the sahaba. He says, all he taught means She obeys her husband.

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That's what it means. Right? And this is this, this was wamitab summarizes the key characteristics of femininity, that a feminine woman, a woman who is truly feminine, the other hand needs to bring in as well. She is someone who is supportive of what her husband supports her children's supports. The man supports the community, she has a very supportive nature. You know, think about how when Rasulullah sallallahu Sallam received the first revelation, Khadija told him that you will take care of your relatives and you help the poor and Allah will never abandon you. That's the kind of support men need from their wives. Right? That's the kind of relationship a man needs with his wife. And we

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see the same thing with mothers like when Abdullah is available, was going to fight the title hijack, and his mother told him to go and fight as a man and die as shaheed. That's the kind of support women are supposed to give them in. Right, so this is a core characteristic of femininity to be supportive. Another core characteristic of femininity is to be loving, awash. Rasulullah sallallahu, leaves obsidian authentic Heidi's marry women who are fertile and loving man and a woman who are fertile and loving Whitewater, because the purpose of them just to have children, right, every man wants to have children. So how do you know when he's fertile? I mean, you can't really

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know sometimes Allah just coupled to not being able to have children. But in general, certain families produce more children than others right. So you will marry a woman from a family where it's when the woman in a family easily for pregnant that's what it means. Any Allah to someone without being able to have children that is the test and you must handle it somewhere. But the second part of the Hadith says Valley woohoo, a fertile and loving, being loving is the core characteristic of femininity. You know, we men are really stoic. We're very

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serious. And women and men are meant to complement each other were meant to be the opposites. Opposites attract. What men love in women is that they have the opposite qualities of men. So men are stoic and serious, they love to come home to a woman who is loving, you know, someone who's who they can be, they can be a different person around the wife of everyone else. And then loving nature is especially important for her role in raising children. Because there's nothing more important to a child in a mother's love.

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So we need to be loving, they need to be supportive. These are like two of the key characteristics of femininity. The third one is higher modesty. And it's something that's dying out in our time. Now, again, higher in Islam applies to both men and women. But if you're being honest about the text about this, what the Quran is gonna say there is a higher level of higher expected of women. Why? Because women have this natural charm about them by that if a woman is truly feminine and loving and supportive, she can be very attractive to men, women will fall in love with easily. So an extra level of higher is needed from her side and extra degree of lowering the gaze and in the fundamental

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sight. So the the clearest and most obvious way that we know Islam, expects a high level of higher for a woman is in the way we dress, that women are obligated to cover their aura and may not obligate you to cover their aura. But the aura of a woman is more than the Automatch. Right? Why? Because women are physically more attractive than men. Right? And also the psychological nature men and women are different. So a higher degree of modesty is required.

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Now here's the thing that people don't realize, whatever qualities we just mentioned about a woman come naturally, women are born loving, they are born supported, they are born with higher society structures away from you.

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If you're raising a daughter all you have

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to do is help them maintain the national politics you would want. Until she gets when society says the opposite society tells a woman Don't be shy. Why are you shy? But shy is part of the reason modesty is part of her modesty his or her decent civil Rasulullah Salallahu Salam was more shy in a logical way. So why are we seeing science is about being able to see or smile gradua was so shy that the angels would feel shy in front of him.

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So how is this a bad thing? Islamically This is a very good concept because this protects you from some especially woman's hair. Yes, you know, but that's why I gave the example of men who got it men are supposed to be that shy, correct. Whatever the home.

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Wherever, wherever modesty, so it's the dressing. What what else is it? What else does it cover besides dressing? So a woman? Modesty for a woman? And if you look in the Quran, Allah subhanaw taala tells women not to speak in seductive tones. Yes. So when you when you when you have to talk to a man, whether it's for business or for education, or you know, you need to be dealings and it can't be avoided. A woman needs to maintain a professional tone, right, she shouldn't talk in a flirty way, this adaptive way. So it professionalism in her voice is part of that hire, not talking to men unnecessarily, not having male friends. It's very important. Men should not have female

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friends woman should have male friends. As a Muslim, the only females who should be your friends, or your mom's and your wife, or wives, right. But if a woman like was only men who usually have a close relationship with or your mom's and your husband, right, there's no place for these friendships across genders is a very dangerous territory, where friendships across the index, another part of high alpha woman is that she should prefer to be at home.

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Right? Yes, she may have to go out to work. She may have to go out to study she may have to go out to the shop, to buy stuff for the house. But her preference should be the home. That's the idea. That's the ideal. Allah Rasulullah sallallahu sallam said, Well, who used to have nothing and on the home that the homes are best for them? Yes, right. The woman's home is the best place for her to be with a woman who is truly reached. A level of piety a high level of Taqwa feels most comfortable being at home. I know this is something that people don't like to hear these days. But again, if you look at the Hadith, if you look at the role models in the Sahaba, the greatest a woman Fatima

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Rajala.

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We actually don't know the details of her life, why? She was at home raising her children living a very private life.

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Her life is basically her being at home doing the housework raising our children doing Ibaadat very traded very secluded life and she was a vessel woman. She's a role model. She's a peak she's a she's the gold he wants to leech so everyone's gonna get there but that's what the other side of a role model people will speak of his baby Khadija was the trader and so the woman you say that look if she was in the business world, maybe Aisha was a scholar of the Savas, so they use the other the other role models so address is a complete misreading of history. Right? This is reading history from a feminist perspective. Look at the study of Hadith, Raja llama. Her nickname before Islam was at

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Pohela, the chaste one. Before Islam, she was known as the most righteous woman in our community. She inherited a business law ex husband has been passed away, she inherits a business, she hires men to go and do the deals because she doesn't want to be in a marketplace. She doesn't want to interact with men fois. Now before Islam, that's how she needs Rasulullah she needs a righteous man to go to the market and do business for her because she doesn't want to interact with men and see this is not spoken about. It's not people lie about our history. Aisha radiAllahu anha, the most righteous and knowledgeable scholar, female scholar of all time, she spoke to men from behind the country, the

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only men who would come on the other side of the curtain and speak to her without that person. We have macros, Musab even Zubayr, Abdullah, even Zubayr in those were the ones who keep dB, her nephews and yet you should come and sit with them. But otherwise, if another man wanted to learn from her, they weren't a part of that between her and those men because the wives of Rasulullah saw some had an even higher degree or higher than was expected of gender from the average woman. He was certain rules specifically for the wives of Rasulullah. They don't apply to the average woman, one of them being that they had to have a screen between them and other men, right? People don't talk

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about these things because they want to portray in the narrative that fits in how they want Islam to be.

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Yes, there's nothing wrong with a woman seeking knowledge and nothing wrong with going and having a business. Technically it is not haram for women to have a job. But to go and now see the Hadith Jaya was a business woman out there and dealing with men every day, you know, or the ASHA was standing in front of men giving lectures this is lying about history.

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Right? Rather, what we see is that they accomplished what they did within the boundaries

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Okay, got it. You never lost your hire in the process. You will talk about many things. Let's just talk about a wound. Let's finish this topic. So so so in society, so women have a place is what you're saying they have a place, the best place is to be in the home. But they have a place meaning at university secular education, going into jobs going into businesses, running businesses, so they have a place but I'm assuming there's a there's a condition to that, right. A lot of politicians Yes.

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Okay, personally, I don't like this division of knowledge into Islamic and secular. So that's not an Islamic matter that So can you just Islamic that later on that? Yeah. Islamically historically, we divide knowledge into beneficial knowledge and not beneficial knowledge, not Dinatale men secular, like if you look at the great scholars of the past, they would study Hadees field baths philosophy, very thing they didn't look at anything that was beneficial as secular brilliant, right match will study to help you understand the laws of soccer and inheritance, right? Everything was interrelated science was studied to help you understand the creation of Allah. Right? Everything was

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interrelated. So we shouldn't divide knowledge into secular and Islamic rather, we should divide knowledge into beneficial and non beneficial Okay, everyone see any knowledge that will benefit you, or benefit the Ummah, there is nothing wrong with any man or woman studying it. Right? But at the same time,

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you see this this? There's two sides to this.

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The one side is that our

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the issue of whether women are allowed to study if you just give a fatwa that, yes, woman I love to study, a woman wants to be a doctor, she can be adopted, it's nothing haram on studying and becoming a doctor, but what environment in the university and so are we getting to that that's the other side of Sure. So again, you have to be very careful how we talk about these things. Because we're now reaching a point with this generation of careers, where a woman's career is now the most important thing in our life. And this is now causing major problems for our community. So just to go back 5060 years ago, when some of the Obama said that is permissible for women to study to become doctors to

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become teachers, whenever he made a couple of conditions, right amounts of conditions, she maintains a hierarchy dresses appropriately, she doesn't interact unnecessarily with men, or also answers conditions. She prioritizes her husband and raising children, raising children should never be secondary to a career. This wasn't the main condition that will mention that her now are now a woman's number one role in society is to raise children, woman, children need a mother's love, they need a mother's attention. And most women who are working are so burnt out and tired from work, that they can't give the same amount of love and attention to children that they want to give. Right. And

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at work out of necessity, especially in the economy most Africa necesito right life is too expensive. Because we're not seeing that doing anything wrong is simply seeing life is given take, if you're working, you're not going to have the same time and attention to give your children compared to a full time mom, right. And this is why in Islam, the role of the mother is so high, that the status of the mother is higher than the status of the father. Why? Because technically, historically, the mother sacrifices more of her time and more of her own desires and our own goals for her children, a life becomes all about her children. So in return, they have to put her on a

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pedestal and treat her as the most important person in your life. Now, what's happening with this generation is we now have girls whose lives are all about their careers. You see an ally of LinkedIn, because from the age of five, until the age of 25, they are studying. And now when they finish their studies, people are telling them get married, have children and be a stay at home mom. And what's going through their mind is I spent 20 years studying to be a CFO Ma. What's the point in two straight years? Yeah, what is the point of all this? That is what the point of all these degrees said, No, I'm going to have a career. I'm going to work. Now again, technically, Omar choosing to

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work another career is not sinful. But again, what's the social repercussions? I'll give you some examples. Multiple men come to me with the same complaint. One of them told me, he said I went to 20 Women for proposal. Each and every one of them said my career comes first. I don't want to have children. This is all 20 said I don't want to have children that will interfere my career. He told me she said I'm getting married to have children. That's what I want to get married. I want children who do I learn in this community? So the scholars said that your career should not interfere with raising your children. So what this generation of women are now thinking, Okay, I just want to have

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children. Yeah. This completely disrupts the whole family system of

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Islam Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam told us get married and have many children. So my ummah will be many on the day of judgment. And now we are moving in the opposite direction.

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So we need to find some kind of solution to this. On one hand, I do not want to discourage any woman for from studying, and from then gain beneficial knowledge and helping society being a part of society, I wouldn't want to discourage any woman from that. On the other hand, I would strongly strongly encourage women to realize that the most important thing they can do in life is have children and raise children. And bass should always be the number one priority. So now we need to find a solution. Right, we need to find some middle part. My advice. I know I teach parenting classes, I teach homeschooling classes, all alone attend these classes. My advice to them is always

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this. If your husband is earning enough to provide for the family, and you have children, then take a break from your career and be a full time mom. That's the best gift you can give your children. That's my advice to them. If you can't, because the cost of living is too high, are you playing an important role in this Omar, maybe you're a teacher or a doctor, and you can't take a break from that career because the role playing is important. Then you try and find some balance. So hunger, for example, you're in Durban, we have some Muslim, female doctors who the the office is only open for four hours a day? Why? The children? Of course. That's the role model. That's the role model,

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right? Yeah, that's the right way to do it, that your children come first raising your children your number one priority. You know, Hamdallah we have some women today who choose to work from home or to study online, so they can focus on their children, they can focus on the home hamdulillah That's it. That's a solution. That's the Moodle part. Because in Islam, every Muslim man and woman shouldn't be seeking beneficial knowledge from the cradle to the grave. You should never stop learning. Right? So I will never ever tell someone don't stop. But if you start with something that's not beneficial at all to this hadith, I'm seeking

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approval and support. So it basically it's, it speaks of beneficial knowledge efficiency, but unnecessarily Dini time as

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any knowledge you will benefit for. Okay? If you look at the scholars of the golden age of Islam, the David polymaths right has a scholarly look at the Golden Age of DVD. The remasters of fake the seal hotties, history, philosophy, mathematics, medicine, engineering, y'all didn't have like many different hats. So what happened to the scholars? Why have we lost this polymath secularization? The secularization of the Muslim world split knowledge into Dini and secular knowledge. So some people went industry, some people went that way. And this is why you see we need to get rid of this categorization altogether. Okay, check. So getting back now let's get back to the main

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so what we realize there's this word that triggers everyone is toxic masculinity triggers me to absolutely I hate to seek masculinity, he if you can just give us a background of wave came from his work, and what its intention is. So this is a product of feminism. And specifically in the past 20 years, there has been a movement to to make anything masculine look like it's evil or toxic is the idea that all men are trash, and masculine traits are toxic, and that men need to be softer, they need to be more vulnerable. They need to be more like woman. Right? And we see this for example in Western media. give you examples.

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30 years ago, in Western media, Superman would be portrayed as being strong guy Yeah, tough guy. Sure model of courage and masculinity. And Supergirl is like the sidekick. Fast forward 20 years later, that's super girly is to speak strong woman full of confidence. Superman is shorter than her. And he's she's always making jokes about him. And he's always talking about how much more powerful she is that he is. That's what happened here. This is the changing of the narrative, the changing of the message. Right? The message went from men being the protectors to men being silly. Starting with the Homer Simpson. That's where it started. Explain Homer Simpson basically, is this idea that

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fathers are idiots. Fathers are useless fathers are stupid. You don't need me anymore if you speak of The Simpsons, right? Yeah, yeah. Get started. The first module of this of the fuzzy DNA. Yeah, the first Indian father figure. And now we have a generation of girls growing up watching the shows thinking, we don't need men mature only the father or the Homer Simpson in my life. I can use him on my own. I can do my own things. And people don't realize the importance of the Father animal. People think farmers are responsible. This is why divorce has become so easy. And that's why also chef, you know, on what you've seen, and I'm sure you've you've seen, when when when divorce has happened. The

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mother

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keeps the child away from the Father to spite the father. That's another major sended woman. Absence of major sir. So in despite the father, they make life difficult for the Father. Like he has to wait for them. The father's turn to the end. Media, some men I know we're not seeing the children in five or 10 years, but who pays the price in the end? The child because the mother can never be the father and nor can the mothers and fathers play very different roles in a child's life. You mess it up, you mess up the child. And that's what you're messing up your own child for the sake of spiking a man. Absolutely.

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So we obviously have the escalation of man. Yeah, so when the escalation of men comes as patriarchy becomes a dirty word. Yeah. So I've heard Muslims who say no, no, don't use the word patriarchy speak of it in another way. So you know, well, to be feared a term patriarchy is again a Western word. Not necessarily a word found in our books. Okay, but the concept

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the concept is there sure, because if you look at the Islamic system, the Khalifa is a man Sure. The hola Mamma mia, surely prophets you a minute. Sure the the woof T is the bodies of judges, I'm in the governor's mansion, the head of the household is the man. So we're here to describe if you had to describe it in investment term or definition, it is a patriarchy. The question is, why is that a bad thing? Because he has a point that people don't want to invert. This system worked well, for all of human history. The day they got rid of the patriarchy. We now have divorce rates, climbing, marriage rates, plummeting. Children who don't know who their fathers are. rise in Xena rising

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homosexuality, rising drug addiction, rising suicide, only. All these things are linked. Having strong, righteous male leadership is important for families, important for communities important for countries so you strip that away, you have anarchy.

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So the Western feminine feminist narrative is actually not a woman. It's actually anti man. It's anti men and anti woman, anti woman. We've got it. What it does is it puts women in a position where they can't be feminine. They can't live a natural life. They are shamed for being stay at home moms, they are shamed for loving children. They are shamed for being supportive of their husbands. They are forced to spend their life competing with men. And if you're competing with a man at being a man, you're never going to win that competition. Absolutely. It's not meant to be a competition when a woman are meant to complement each other absolutely in the Quran says that the believing men and

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believing woman are only are they are allies of each other, they support each other. A man and a woman work together, a man strength and a woman's loving nature are supposed to complement each other to make each other better. Now, if a woman is trying to be stronger than the man, or the man is trying to be more feminine, and a woman are more nurturing than a woman more nurturing than a woman is it breaks the balance Exactly. He breaks the balance of society. Exactly. And this causes problems for them and more for the children, especially for the children, you see sometimes says yeah, we can understand that every day, the extreme reaction from some form or some woman is also

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because we have to admit a lot of men abuse this power. Do any social media, that is true. So you do want to elaborate on that for the abusers. So they haven't done what we find in our times.

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People who get drawn into extreme movements, whether it's feminism, or the apostasy movement, or the red pill movement, it always comes from a place of trauma. Right? It had a bad relationship, a bad experience that pushed him away.

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And, for example, most women who are drawn to feminism usually means they either had a husband or a father who abused the position of authority.

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Now, what I would say is that that is a sin on that individual's part. It doesn't mean the whole system is wrong. If someone abuses a system, it doesn't mean the system is wrong. It means that person implemented incorrectly right? If you have a family but this is during the time of the we had the Khalifa for 1300 years, right? We all except the Khalifa system is a good system. We all use Felipe as well. No many of them are often many of them are bad. The only one see oh you know what the Khalifa is abusing his power numero Khalifa but getting it did I think World War One yeah without suffering because you see, this is what happens. Someone abuses the system. People see this

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girl gives you the whole system. chaos happening with the Khalifa is happening now with the patriarchy. You it's not the system. That's the problem. It's the individuals that support these men who abuse the power they need. They need the see ha they need advice and

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and someone to shape them in a proper way they need the right to shear to show him how to do things. They need a role model. Because Islamic masculinity, yes, it's about leadership, but he's leading with compassion is leading with empathy is leading with love. By the Rasul Allah slides on, he was the best of leaders, but he would kiss his children in front of other people, he was very loving to his wives, you know, he was someone who had a close loving relationship with every member of his family. Right. So it's not leaving any thought at all to orient me right, you know, again, to run away, that's not Islamic leadership. So the Islamic leadership is, it's more inspirational. If you

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are such a amazing man, you'll have to tell your wife to obey you, she loves you, she wants to follow you to the end of the world. Because you don't know the format doesn't have a leadership or management info, and aspirational, inspirational leadership, not a tyrannical leadership, it's about being the best male you can be. And if you are the best man, you can be your wife, your children, your community will all love you. And you all will want to follow you, you will have to ask anyone for them. You know, one of the things that you mentioned early on, which is very important is gender roles. Yes. So this is the thing that is getting mixed up, or it's getting diluted by the feminist

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movement. So even like the woman will say, but why do I have to fill you know, I'm not your slave. You know? And then they'll say, out of context of puffs, Islam helped his wife. Sure he did. And you can help your wife have his red coat clean. So yeah, you can, but then use it in a different context in a different, so you want to elaborate? A good point. It's a good point. So one of the most commonly quoted hadith is by feminists is that Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam when he was at home, you would help out around the house? Yeah. Right. What they do with this Hadees? is they take it and they say, Oh, the Prophet saw some mutual help around the house. You have to do 50% of the

00:31:57--> 00:32:26

house. What do you need to do? 50? Yeah, so I was you should wonder you wash the dishes. One thing, I changed a diaper change next time for now. Right? I could want to sign up next week. But hold on. That's not what the prophets law is. Until now. He was leading the armies teaching in the masjid, doing all of these things. He's while retaining key of the house, they were taking care of the house. And if he had some free time, he would help a little bit here and there, right. And so what's happening is, is that

00:32:27--> 00:32:47

we wouldn't have taken this Heidi's out of context, right? The context is that when he had the time to help out, he would help out. But it wasn't his primary role. The woman understood this is my primary role. He's just helping me out. It was like in a man's running a business and sick. So we've wiped the floor with the business. She's not thinking this is my primary role. She's helping him out.

00:32:49--> 00:33:27

It works both ways. You help each other out? Absolutely. No chef, like, I've been teaching martial arts for over 25 years now. And sometimes my students will, obviously at us come to me and said, sifu, I won't be able to save the next two months, three months, I said, But why says Because? Because we've got a baby, oh, my wife is pregnant, or I have to look after the child or I say, but what if one? Oh, you're only spending two hours a week with me. So this is also becoming an issue. If a man gets married. Now, he believes that he has to do everything for her. Again, this is the social engineering of those community we live in, which is strongly influenced by feminism. Yeah.

00:33:27--> 00:34:01

Right. Before we jump into that, the issue of the men, basically men are being the wise men being submissive. Yeah, it's like, quite easily the woman is the one calling the man and reading because I've seen men say things like, Oh, I can't come to the lecture check. My wife says I'm not allowed to leave the house. So my wife said to have just the only look after the children. Like who's Amanda? Right. So this is a very strange concept, but very, very students concept, a very common idea, but it's very common in this current generation. And I find it very bizarre because I it's so unnatural. Yeah, it's so unnatural to flip the roles that much. I go back, for example, the issue of

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cooking. This is how I talk about cooking when I teach classes on marriage and parenting to woman. Cooking historically, has been a act of love.

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children's best memories come from the moms meals. Right? Why would you deprive your family of the loving environment.

00:34:22--> 00:34:58

Again, it goes back to the nature if a woman is on her Phaedra if she has this loving, supportive nature, she looks forward to cooking these delicious, beautiful meals that the children enjoy and the husband loves and it builds marhaba in the home. My best memories of my mother, my grandmother's my aunt's is the food that they coat. So nice to have people don't realize how much love a home cooked meal brings the other side of it, the health aspect, because now because women don't want to cook people are eating out every day. You're trying to tell me it's healthy for your children to be eating KFC and McDonald's every day instead of eating your home cooked meals. Why don't you care

00:34:58--> 00:34:59

about your children's health?

00:35:00--> 00:35:35

Don't you care about your own health, your husband's health? Right? This again, it's not looking at it's it's not looking at things from a perspective of building a loving home is looking at things from the perspective of I'm important what I want battles, it's a process really is cooking slavery. This is a it's a dumb mentality. Honestly, it's a silly, silly thing to think or to say. You honestly think doing a loving act of service for your family is slavery. You shouldn't get valued. Honestly, you think that slavery you shouldn't be doing better than men. That's the case then the men working in providing for his family, correct? His entire life, right? 10 hours a day, sometimes

00:35:35--> 00:35:41

some people will seven days a week under investigating conditions that slavery. It is slavery. That's what it is.

00:35:42--> 00:35:51

So coming to Manisha. I mean, we see this condition of I mean, I trained. Being a martial artist, I've trained the youth are trained young people, and

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what advice would you give them about regaining their masculinity, about training about being a man again? What is it? What does it mean to be and so when it comes to young men who are suffering from this, I call it the man child crisis, right? That they extended adolescence, they, they don't know when to grow, they don't know, at what point I become a man. You see, in the past, it was very simple. You hit puberty, you're a man. There's so there's no teenage phase, there's no teenage phase that doesn't exist in Islam, you are a child, and you bind as soon as you are physically capable of enjoying sex you wanted out. That's the Slavic week, as soon as you physically capable of enjoying

00:36:33--> 00:36:36

secure and adoption, right. And

00:36:37--> 00:36:56

I believe we reached that treating our children as adults from the time they start showing signs of puberty, they will mature faster, they will grow up faster, they will become men, a woman pastor, the problem today is we took away that biological, natural distinction between adult and child, which is puberty. And we then replace it with anything.

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That what is the market today for a boy to be a man, there is no market, there are some 25 year old boys out there, there's some 30 year old boys out there. So from my experience with young boys, two things, make Demoman

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one hardship, life gets hard the force to man up difficult times make strong man, right. The second is having a vision and the goal of purpose for your life. Now we cannot obviously we cannot force hardship on our boys. By the way, some classical societies do do that. There are many tribes in still in the world today, you go to like some of the islands that are not civilized in the way that people call civilized. I don't like using that word. But you know you I mean, it's short islands where they don't have modernity, right. And those islands, what they do is when the boys at the age of puberty, they take them away from their mother, and they make them live alone in the jungle for a

00:37:53--> 00:38:06

week. And that hardship makes them a man. So some societies do simulate hardship, to toughen a boy up and make him a man. Right. But again, I don't think we can do that in our society.

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The mothers will complain, right. And by the way, one of the reasons I think boys are not growing up today is mothers are getting in the way of fathering mothers are not allowing fathers to play their role neither. Because the father is the one who makes sure his son becomes a man. Right? And the money like Oh, my baby needs to see my baby for life. So that's a big problem. So let's go the other route. So you have a young man who knows he has a problem. He knows that he still feels that the child even though he's 2025 30, whatever. What can we do to help him grow up? Number one, help him figure out a vision and purpose for his life.

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I've noticed that any young man who now has a vision or purpose for his life, something they want to work towards something clicks upset, something changes upsets. Overnight, they go from being this Chinese guy who's only interested in video games and cartoons to someone's like, I need to get this done. I need to figure out how do I do this? How do I become this? How do I achieve these goals? And they grew up instantly. So what I like to do with young men, is help me figure out what you want to do with your life. What would you like to accomplish? And how much time in this world? What would you like to accomplish with that time? And how can we do that? Because once somebody has a

00:39:19--> 00:39:30

purposeful vision for their life, they mature instantly. So this is my primary focus when dealing with young men helping them figure out their purpose and vision for their life.

00:39:31--> 00:39:44

Xiaomi Ronda, so what advice if if you have some advice for educational institutions like schools and mock ups regarding what we spoke about regarding you know, about

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raising money raising woman in the in the light of the fence, just given to schools? Yeah, well, firstly, you know, our critique of the entire school system. I believe the whole system needs to be demolished and replaced with something new. The entire system is

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ridiculous and outdated and has its roots in colonialism that has meant great people that just blindly follow whatever the government teaches them. And now Islamic schools is to that whole system and just added some Islamic Middle dressing. You know, you got an Arabic name, our girls wear hijab, we have Islamic studies as a subject. Everything else is called to say, yeah, right. So Muslims going to Islamic schools are still learning feminism, they're still learning secularism is still inheriting the values of liberalism. Because we never strip those away from the school. We just add an Islamic window dressing, right? And this is a problem. So if you have to honestly ask me, one of

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the long term projects I'm working on is a complete revamp of what we call education, going back to grassroots and this whole system doesn't work and need to be replaced. But in the meanwhile, this is what we have. We have schools, we have madrasahs, we have universities, what can they do to fix this problem? Number one, they need to be honest about what Islam teaches on these topics. The schools are not honest about what Islam teaches on these topics, they either hide these topics, or sometimes a lot of the woman teaching in the schools are influenced by feminism, and they are passing it along to the next generation. Can I add to that? Yes. Heidi, the topic even seen on Omar, who hide this

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topic of you know, when the when American gets divorce, when a child becomes VALIC, at a certain age, becomes comes to the Father. I've seen Omar who isn't afraid to go to that, that vote because of the backlash from the woman or the feminist woman. So it's also sometimes you know, I mean, obviously, there's criteria and conditions to that. But if the man is a good man, or whatever they shy away from, from this type of thing. So it's not only the schools, but it's also the scholars that visit a global problem in oil Western societies, that a lot of orlimar today are bullied by the feminist movement into keeping quiet about a lot of topics. Yeah, polygamy, so hijab, the rights of

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men, the rights of husbands, the role of fathers, all of these things, they are bullied into silence. Anytime you bring up these topics, you'll find some woman crying, oh, somebody did it in the wrong way. Therefore, don't talk about this, people are gonna use it. Why should we try to shut down any discussion on this topic? And when you shut down any discussion on these topics, they we can never find a solution? And how can the youth trust you? How can you trust your men trust you, the young? How can the youth trust and obviously people are losing faith in the scholars? Because the scholars are too scared to address these topics. They're too scared of the backlash. Now,

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this is something that has to be overcome, because again, going back, what's the fundamentals of masculinity? Courage, and honesty are fundamentals of masculinity. Rasulullah sallallahu sallam was the Saudi Columbian he was the most truthful. And he was the first one in front of the battlefield leading the way whenever there was a battle with the contemporary. I mean, when you look when you speak of masculinity, you think of Hamas, and look at Hamas and what they are facing love. Okay, now, apparently, Yemen has been attacked, Yemen takes on water is not the law, but they take it on, because it's the Matic solidarity, the love the rest of the ummah. Today we are seeing now arise in

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the in these models of masculinity underlying the Muslim world. And again, it really shows that difficult times make strong man sure that's why the models are coming from that path toward Allah granted Vic Tron Minami. What, going back to our community, what can we do? Number one, we need to get real about these topics. And we also need to approach it from the perspective of the wisdom because a lot of our young ladies don't understand the wisdom behind higher or the wisdom behind a job, or the wisdom behind in raising children or being a mother. Right? All the the again, it's about how you view the world. If you view the world from a Allah centric perspective, that Allah is

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most important, but what Allah wants for us is best for us, then you're going to have no problem with any of the teachings of Islam. But today, people view the world from a individualistic perspective. Yeah, individualism is all about me. My desires, my goals, my freedom. Yeah. And if that is your sole concern, and you don't want any responsibilities, you don't want any obligations. You don't want anything that gets in the way of that. Right? We have to root out individualism from this, because this is a disease, you will even amongst the young boys, I don't mean young men today who don't want to get married because they don't want responsibility. individualism. It's affecting

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both the men and the woman of this generation in a way that is going to be very dangerous long term. And you'll just one last bit of advice to young people out there thinking but so what if I don't get value? So what if I don't have children? It's my life. Okay, on an individual case, case by case maybe it's your life. But if this now becomes the majority

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Are we looking at what's happening in the West, what's happening in the West, we are now seeing decreasing populations of increasing populations in Europe, even in Japan, even starting to happen in America, not enough people are having children to replace the previous generation. And they are very worried about entire families going extinct, and entire civilizations and cultures going extinct over time. And this again, and we go back to the goals of the Sharia, one of the five primary goals of the Sharia is the preservation of lineage, the preservation of Muslim families. Right. This is the purpose behind marriage behind intimacy behind having children. This is the

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purpose behind at least said getting married to have any children. When you and the majority of people choose not to get married or not to have children, you're not only contradicting the Hadees. But you are now going to cause a major problem in the long term. We're not going to have 100 Subs next generation, we're going to become a decreasing population, any country may be already a minority.

00:46:06--> 00:46:15

That's not a good move. Strategically, there's not a good move, we are ready to proceed. If the next generation is not getting married or having children, that means you're going to be want to send him 50 to 100

00:46:17--> 00:46:18

shares. So you know, just coming back to

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thinking about everybody else. Another two, three minutes. Yeah, okay. Perfect. Okay, before we go to protective jealousy, if there's such a thing. The other one is double standards that we experienced. So the double standard is we say, It's okay, if you have my son to have girlfriends, it's okay for my son to have got my book I got to be strict with. So that's sometimes the woman I've come across cases with, the woman will say, but the girl will cemetery. I'm happy because this is an allowance of people. Why are you so lenient on the son, if he can have all this up? So this is a double standard, we also experienced, the other one is

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protective jealousy. It is normal for a man as a Muslim who's got a man in his heart to be protective over his wife, over his daughters, and who they associated and who they don't. But somehow that is taken out of context by the feminist movement calling the man equality.

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There's a word for it. They have you know, so So you want to elaborate a bit on that? Yeah. Okay, so the first point you mentioned on double standards standards is haram. Epstein is haram COVID mo quick, it's flat out haram and you do not go near Zina. What kind of a Muslim is final de sankalpa things in Allahu on what kind of parenting is that? Yeah, there's also women with fathers and not even particularly with the daughters. You know,

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once you have been displaying the widest full beauty on social media for other enterprises, they have been immersed closely in the heavily manipulated, emasculated by you, as you said, and the wives are freely mingling with their friends having a big laugh. And in social media, their daughters, their wives. So this is a serious, very unnatural video and that's really unnatural. Because the nature of man of men and even to some extent woman, yeah. Is to be protective. Sure, right. Sure.

00:48:14--> 00:48:18

Your wife shouldn't be okay with you flirting 100% You should also get the

00:48:19--> 00:49:03

butt but for men also, it is natural. No people think it's toxic masculine energy. It's kind of also contract with the word Yeah, it was. But you know, what? There is a word in my mind to me, but they use it all the time. Yeah. But really, it is human nature. And is anything that's human nature. There is some benefit to Allah put it in us for a reason. This protects the stability of athletes. This thing of not wanting other people to be looking at your wife as a male you know what men think when they look at BTFO apps you know how why in the world you want another man looking at your wife or daughter like that? Of course you want to protect them and some people say well why can't men

00:49:03--> 00:49:40

just behave themselves? Yes, righteous men will behave themselves but every single man in this world can you protect your daughter can you go to every single man is well immediate righteous? No, no as a very low it out in the world, the upper box, they are some disgusting male. Yes. Scary, man. You need to protect your family from that, you know, uh, you know, like, let the Western narrative they will say, the woman will walk in a skimpy way or in a revealing way. And the Western men listening Muslim Muslim, but the Western narrative is, but why are you looking at her? You should lower your gaze, or you shouldn't interfere with that. But Islam has an answer for that because in the Quran,

00:49:40--> 00:49:59

at some point of realizing, men should lower their gaze, but woman should cut the modesty. So these two these two verses come together in the Quran. Allah says Allah believing men to lower their gaze, and the next verse is how the believing woman to lower the gaze and to cover the beauty that's Islam is very proud.

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Optical MPLS right on one hand, there is the obligation on demand short which is not you know, on the other hand is also the obligation of the woman not to defend something to look after, so that both sides have to work together as a roof and people say why Allah says Allah Situ in the Quran so it focuses on somebody and our partner we are we will be Allah sellers. That's what we do. Another issue that we have Chef, we do understand mobile, Nigel's but a lot of woman, most women don't accept polygamy. Number one, yes, this is a problem. And again, society is influenced by Christianity. That's interesting. Yes, we ate functional because remember, countries like India and

00:50:39--> 00:51:21

South Africa, were colonized by the British. That's where it comes from. I listen, a British idea that is one man one woman, but so called traditional from traditional Islamic, they themselves, yes, only accept it. But once again, they are part of the society. They are part of, again, when you say traditional, these are traditional woman who grew up in South Africa, over 100 years after British conquer they are growing up in this culture. If they grew up in what parts of the Arab world or North Africa where polygamy is normal, they will go up into the mindset. Yes, right. It is the influence of the culture on the people. And I will say that contributing factors to this is number

00:51:21--> 00:51:41

one, many worldviews polygamy, right, they do exist, you know, in this community secret nickels are rampant. Right. And so you don't agree with secrecy? Because I will say I don't read the case by case. A case by case issue, right, in some cases is necessity. But in this community, people use it to basically

00:51:42--> 00:52:18

use an abuser woman in audio secretly Maryana enjoy a few months in Tampa to maintain her right. Yeah. And that is haram that is deadly, abusing some absolute right. But there are cases where secretly God is the only way for two people to have a halal relationship, and they're doing it to the best of your ability. So I will I don't place any value judgment on the Nikka itself. It's a case by case. But the point is that the armed men in our community who abuse polygamy, and it goes back to the same thing we said about the philosopher about patriarchy, you don't try out the system because some men abuse it. Yes, the system works. The system is important. Yes. Right. Because

00:52:18--> 00:52:19

remember,

00:52:20--> 00:53:03

in the western paradigm, marriage is an equal partnership. In the Islamic paradigm, the man is the head of the household. A man can be the head of several households this like he can be the boss of several business. So he's capable of doing that. Right. And polygamy solves many societal problems that people don't want to talk about. It solves the issue of the widows and divorcees who aren't able to get married. Right? You solve the issue of men who, let's face it, the more manly a man is, the more testosterone he has flowing through him. And more often, he needs intimacy, right. And the average woman doesn't need it as often. So instead of putting the burden of every night being there

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for him, split amongst multiple women, we also shift we see how many widows and divorcees that need support or they need. Again, another feminists will say, why don't you just give them money? You don't just need money, they need emotional support. From the man you can leave on GitHub, you can recall types, they suggest money that they need, and they need a man in their life. Right? And polygamy solves that problem, polygamy, if it works well when it's done by righteousness. Okay, when it's done by righteous man, you see a model of a family that is the closest to the sunnah

00:53:41--> 00:53:58

to how Rasul Allah so some analysts have a look, and I will say this much anyone who thinks polygamy is a bad thing, you are placing a value judgment on how the prophets or just the prophet the prophets, and the Sahaba lived their lives, because the prophets and the Sahaba they were all

00:53:59--> 00:54:42

the prophets and the sahaba. Most of them are polygons. Right, right. Ibrahim Ali salah, he had had your answer. Yeah. Right. So the Mona Lisa, according to the Bible had hundreds of show of wives. Downloadable Islam was polygamous. Rasulullah sallallahu. Islam had at one point 11 wives, right. They were polygamous minute, are you placing a value judgment on how the prophets lived their lives? If this is how the prophets who delight in this must be the best way? For sure scholars in South Africa, Islamic scholars, it just power the state man as a really must be discouraged. Cowardice is cowardice it's cowardice because they don't want to upset their wives. That's what it comes down

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to because a man who speaks positively about polygamy is going to have problems with his wife that we write that's that. So it takes a lot of courage to talk about this topic and even more courage to live by it. But I believe to solve the problems and real manly men

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Who are strong leaders, strong providers, strong protectors who know how to keep women happy how to take care of their rights, who are able to have a lot of children and raise them well, we're able to provide a protect for many women and many children. For them. Polygamy is a blessing for the entire community. These men lead the community, they help the Ummah flourish, and you will see historically, almost any great marriages in Israel history. majority of them were polygamists, majority. And now we have Islam even pushing a different reason during the dynasty. Oh, Southern scholar history said polygamy is macro. Yeah, he said, Dad, why are you ignoring the hundreds of

00:55:45--> 00:56:24

scholars who stop? Right? Again, the less likely we are to find one scholar who says what we want to show here. And then to ignore all the hundreds of scholars did the opposite. Right? The reality is a polygamy was Makrooh, rush to last lesson would never happen. Right? He didn't do mock routing. So it wasn't his methodology to live in mcru lifestyle. Also what the apologist, when I say apologist, I speak of the Allamah that are apologist or modernists in a bad way. But they all say no, but that was a different context of the time they were they took wives during war and different contexts. There's no context to it. Absolutely. Is it something that is they would use that as a religion, or

00:56:24--> 00:56:56

a woman's allowed one husband at a time a man allowed for wives, and draw July, there's no limit to how many husbands and wives you will have a woman to marry a man he dies, she dies, she couldn't. There's no limit to how many husbands and wives you could have in your lifetime. But a woman's only allowed one husband at a time, you only have one leader. And the man is allowed four wives at a time because for the wisdom of Allah, that's how much it can be just true. Right? And it's nobody's business. If a man has two wives or three ways or four wives, if they are happy and the children are happy, and he's fulfilling their rights, that's your business. Absolutely not your business. And in

00:56:56--> 00:57:32

fact, maybe look at it maybe you could learn something from him about responsibility about protecting about providing about Taqwa. You could learn this from him. I mean, this is this is part of Sharia is part of the Sunnah of the process. So nobody should ever ever ever have anything against polygamy. Yeah, I mean, it's fine for a woman to feel jealous and feel jealous or angry if her husband takes a second wife or adultery for one wife. But that should be a passing feeling. Sure, eventually you have to walk through it and see Allah has allowed it. Bother Allah I will find a way to live like that. Speak to Allah within it. Right, exactly. I think I think we've covered a

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lot. Thank you so much. I

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hope this this podcast benefits a lot of people. And yeah, exactly. So I'm Alec