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IntaLIVE #40 Dealing with Differences

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Ibraheem Menk

Channel: Ibraheem Menk

Episode Notes

Episode Transcript

© No part of this transcript may be copied or referenced or transmitted in any way whatsoever. Transcripts are auto-generated and thus will be be inaccurate. We are working on a system to allow volunteers to edit transcripts in a controlled system.


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salaam aleikum wa rahmatullah wa barakato Bismillah R Rahman r Rahim al hamdu Lillahi Rabbil alameen wa sallahu wa sallam opelika ala nabina Muhammad wa ala alihi wa sahbihi as you may be having a laugh Today we will be speaking about a topic that's quite important. It's important to understand it has many different angles, and that is the topic of dealing with differences. How do we differ with people giving our opinions in every little argument with is anybody who's challenging us or at times? Is it better to just move and carry on with what you are doing?

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salaam aleikum wa rahmatullah

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wa alaikum. Salaam Alaikum Allahu Allah cat.

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How will you shave?

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Alhamdulillah? How are you? Alhamdulillah? I think my screen is off once again, right?

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Yeah.

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Yes, yes. Jana, today's topic is a topic that can be addressed from many angles. It's a topic that, you know, there's many different ways when we look at it, and how to deal with it. And that's the topic of dealing with differences. So usually, if we look at our differences, usually it's because people have a problem, or there's some sort of thing that they are not in agreement with. So how do they disagree? What should they do when they disagree? Also, is it always that we are right or we are wrong? I think maybe if we start off by looking at this topic and say that, why do people disagree, if somebody has a disagreement with your a difference with you, it's usually due to three

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things. One is maybe you have made the mistake, genuinely, you've done something wrong, and they completely differ with you, whether it's your ideology, or something you did. It could be in the in the religion, or it could be in worldly affairs, let's say you're both running a business and somebody thinks that we should have this strategy and other things, we should have the strategy. So it could be genuinely because you made a mistake, or you've done something wrong. Or it could be that maybe they see it differently, and you see it differently. So that could be something else. A third is when it comes to differences that end up going further and spilling over into bad blood an

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enmity. That's usually because people, they are either jealous of you, and they are looking for some sort of fame and recognition, or it's to do with wealth. People usually fight in this world because of two reasons they fighting for fame and status. are they fighting for wealth?

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Yes, I think a lot of the problems that are going on, especially on the internet, etc, you see differences and people fighting and arguing about it. A lot of it is happening solely because they see things from a different angle or a different perspective. And if you look at the actual problem, and you know, boil it down to its Crux, so to speak, you come to find that there's not much of a difference in the first place. But it's the way that they're both looking at it. And because they don't even really want to listen to each other properly. They eventually just end up you know, saying things to each other calling each other names. And this is where the problem lies. And for

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me, I feel that this is currently in reality, this is what's going on, like the problems are being blown out of proportion. It's not even such a serious problem. And when dealing with them, they don't know how to go about it. So then eventually you find that it goes out of proportion.

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What you mentioned with internet, it's also I think, applicable to real life, we find when people are differing. Yes, we mentioned that there's some times where you differ with somebody, you have a problem of somebody and definitely you you both in disagreement, you disagree with him, he disagrees with you. Or he's your enemy, so to say and he completely doesn't. He doesn't even know what you want to stand for that we'll get to that later, we talking about things, a lot of problems even in the house, in marriage in business. In the dean, a lot of the times people are looking at an angle that you are allowed to have more than one interpretation and one person is looking at it from the

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front. So to send the other is looking at it from a different angle from the back or from the left or from the right. And what usually happens we find this because we feel that we learnt it this way. So it's this way, or we heard it first in this manner and it's hard to reprogram our brains. So usually it's because we're not looking at the hole at the bigger picture.

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We're lucky that's so true. In addition to that the circumstance that you're in as well influences your thought process.

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So you might be going through a certain problem and, or certain circumstance in your personal life, and then you deal with someone, and you have a difference with them. And what you're going through, influences the way that you deal with this person, as well. So your emotions come into play, the way that you've dealt with or the problem that you've just come out of influences the way you're going to deal with the person that you are talking to. Yes, because ultimately, you have an interpretation of the action. So if somebody did something, you're in a certain state, you're angry, you might see it as they attacking you, they're speaking about you, oh, it's just a general message. And maybe

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because something's happened, you interpret it as this person is, he's, he's attacking me, or he's differing with me.

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Yeah, yeah. You know, when it comes to WhatsApp, and, you know, these these social media, let's not mention specific apps. So let's put that aside and say, it's not WhatsApp alone. But it's, you know, generally, the messaging apps that you have out there that facilitate conversation between people, when you're talking by texts, sometimes it's your emotion doesn't come across in that text, so person doesn't understand exactly where you are. And they may read the text to be different. their emotions at the time, define how they feel about that text. So I think that's also also something that we can bring to light.

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Yes, and Shana, we spoke about some of the differences people may have. Now when it comes to dealing with these differences. I think there's a lot of ways to look at it again, maybe if we look at the people who we are actually differing with. So if we start with the home first in the home, whether it's with your wife, or whether it's with your parents, or whether it's with your children, here, this type of difference, we have to look at it, what type of difference is it usually more than 90% of the time, as we mentioned, it's a difference in perception a difference in this person wants to do it with method a and this person wants to read in method B, how do we now deal with this?

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Remember in your house or something, it's not like the internet where you can now switch them off for the next year? Or the next three months? etc? How do you think the best way is to deal about it? Should they sit down and try and give each one of them a chance keeping calm? What should they do? What do you think?

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This is the most valid and most important part of the conversation, because, you know, we all know the problems that are out there. But the solutions to them is what people should now focus on. And I think, you know, in certain circumstances, it's important to sit down and thrash it out, talk about it, see what's happening, listen to each side, and see what each side has to say. But sometimes, you've got to deal with it in a slightly different matter where in a slight, slightly different manner where you either send a text message, or you make a phone call. And I think what's important, and what's what I found to be, the main reason why things blow out of proportion is to keep emotions

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in check. So if you can keep your emotions in check, even if one side, you can control what's on your side. So you try and keep your emotions in check, then this helps in dealing with the problem all together, so you're more likely to come out with the result. Whereas if you just you know, go into each other, and you end up both getting angry at each other's faces, then this move most likely, you're not going to come out of that with a result. And you know, there's that Hadith of the Prophet SAW Selim where two men were shouting at each other and he said, Have they just sought refuge from shake bang, you know, it would have helped the situation so they will shouting at each

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other and they will go in at each other why there is no benefit from emotions running high. Oh, there's very, very few times, on very few occasions Do you find actual benefit from emotions running high.

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That's usually when our emotions boil over. And then there's different types of people. So there's those who want to sit down immediately. And let's speak about it and sorted out as those who may need to sit on it for an hour or two before they can even listen or hear about it. So you've got to see the type of person you're dealing with what's at the end of the day, we as Muslims, we must try and be the better party is it's easy to say but only our last panel which Allah grants to feed to those who are able to carry it out. So you've also got to look at the people who you are dealing with another interesting point I read the other day, one of the top psychologists they were saying

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and these therapists when it comes to marriage, etc. They said a lot of divorce problems if people could just solve one thing.

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Then a lot of these problems, marital problems, problems with friends, they were mainly speaking about marriage would be solved. And that is to, basically to give you a bit of an intro to this, they say that when you have an experience in life, you are putting something in your mind. So your mind if you've got like a bank, so to say. So you're depositing these experiences, these experiences eventually become stories, and then belief. So you now believe the So for example, let's say you've had a problem with your wife, you, it's been a major problem, something happened, no matter who's right or wrong. Usually, people start telling themselves that, okay, when it comes to this topic, my

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wife is a problem when it comes to this, or she will never understand the story. Because of an experience, you've told yourself a story, you've now developed this, and they see you eventually, if you carry on doing this, you have a memory bank of monsters, basically, monsters, as in bad memories. So every time something happens, you now go straight to this false belief. If you don't cut it, and you don't check it immediately, this grows and grows and grows. And that's where you'll find a lot of people then when something small happens, all the baggage from the past comes out. And then these, you know, a world war. So to say, what a what a valid point, a very, very valid point

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here, you mentioned how the ways gone one way, or the best way in which you can help yourself with disease, start erasing those these thoughts if you can't erase them, and they they every time you want to speak, don't speak based on these thoughts and these bad experiences, speak something good, speak something good. So you can erase what's happened. And every time something new happens, you're able to take it you know, you are level with it, you're not starting already from having 10 major problems and getting to the 11th. No, you're taking, you're taking it on an individual basis. Yes. And I think that's what justice dictates. Because Allah subhanho wa Taala says,

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one hour Anna and Lucy Kumar will validate me with a copy that even if it is against your own self, or your parents or those who are close to you. So letting go of the relationship that you have with them in that particular situation or with yourself, to start within that particular situation is important, in order to be able to see the light in the first place to see whether you're right or you're wrong, what you can do to resolve it. And this becomes the hardest when we're doing it for ourselves. Because that's where now when it dawns upon you sometimes that, you know I'm wrong in the situation, that's when justice comes out that okay, you know, let me deal with this in the right

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manner, I should apologize here and just stamp out my ego. Whereas, you know, in most cases, people find themselves, or in a lot of cases people find themselves, you know, defending their own ego, because it's actually a defense of their own ego. Because why, my myself, I can't be seen as small in this argument to in this debate when dealing with this problem.

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Yes. And what you mentioned is also another way of looking at it. So we spoke about dealing with it when you have a difference with somebody else. Also, when it comes to right and wrong. There's going to be times where you right? Obviously you won't be arguing with somebody unless you feel you're right. And they feel they're right. And you both have opposing views. Let's say you've only you can only do what's in your hands. So there'll be times that you are right, you see it clear cut, and there'll be times that you are wrong, you may not see it, you probably won't see it, you might see it after a little while. Chef and I when it comes to these arguments, usually people we all need

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human nature, we feel that we are right, maybe they should be a way for us to actually in every problem to look at ourselves and think that okay, maybe just maybe we are wrong in this and evaluate before you know going on the offensive or before trying to get this point this person to rectify themselves. So I think that's an important point, you mentioned that we can look at it from the way let's say you are writing or you are wrong, if you're wrong, obviously, you've got to look into yourself, you're not always going to see that you're wrong. So maybe have a procedure or a way of handling your matters. You have an argument with your wife or your business partner or your child,

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you've got a problem. Look at it first and think

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how could I be wrong in this? Why are they thinking or having a problem with me in this issue?

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Yes. Well, that's a that's also true. 100% exactly as you've mentioned it, you know, also we find certain situations where people are not necessarily wrong. It's not a situation where it is wrong and right

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There's just different ways of doing something. So you default on the way to do it. And all of a sudden, there's an argument it boils over. So rather than letting it get big, understand that this person sees things differently, either I step away, or I take control and they step away, or you know, something of that nature. So, I think the most important thing in in such a situation is to realize how to deal with it. And the way to do that, like every situation is unique. So you've got to judge it properly and and see where the walking away will benefit you. or seeing the and talking it out, see whether the person is reasonable, you can come to terms and understand each other, or at

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times, you may want them, you may ask them to leave the situation alone. Now, these are not the only ways to deal with the problem. But I think each situation is unique as well. So you know, you've got to judge it properly. You can't just have one fixed method of doing things every time.

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Yes, and if we look at the side that say you feel that you know, you are right, in this instance, how would somebody go about this? I think that Allah knows best obviously we do in these things. If we're not really speaking about the Quran and the Sunnah as per se or something concrete, we usually giving our opinions people can write whether they agree or disagree, maybe it's something we will also benefit. I think that if a person feels they are right, and that's a lot of the times, you've also got to look at the relationship at stake, you've got to look at the person you're dealing with. Are you seeing them every day? are you dealing with them every day? Sometimes, if it's not something

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that's if it's something as we mentioned, different perspectives or different methods in doing something, we've got to save that relationship at times and don't escalate it maybe at a better time. We say that, let's dissect what actually happened. Maybe you saw it this way. I saw it this way. Let's move on. If you are right, at times, you may find that you will have to say that you are wrong, even though you are not wrong. And you may have to say sorry, or you may be the first person saying sorry. And if it's not a principle that you're going against, if it's not a principle, so you're not saying that okay.

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Stafford, Allah, somebody did something completely wrong. And now you're both disagreeing and you say, okay, he did it right. But we all know it's wrong. Maybe he stole or maybe he did something completely out. We're not saying change your principle of right and wrong. We are saying that at times you will be you feel you will be right with somebody. And you know, you've just got to act like you are wrong or say sorry, and move on just to save your relationship. Yes, yes. Well, I II. That's why the Hadith says that I guarantee a person, a place in gender, the one who leaves an argument, even though he may be right. So your income, he has the right in that argument, but he

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knows that there's no benefit in carrying on this argument. He leaves it lemon Telecom. And he leaves it and he walks away Why there's no point in, in arguing cases going to become something bigger, it's a minor issue, let it go. And let's move on. Having said that, it's also important to not always do this, because like you mentioned certain issues a person has stolen one person has oppressed someone else. And now, you say No, you're right, what you're doing is actually empowering them in that wrongdoing of this. So they begin to believe that will absolutely right here and you know, I can do this again. So in that case, you know, speaking about it is of fundamental

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importance.

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Jeff and I are coming let's come to the internet way you have differences with people on the internet. What happens sometimes is people who call you out or pick on you we mentioned if you've made a mistake, obviously if somebody criticizes you look at how you may be wrong. And at times you may be right. Usually you would find that if you had to address such issues or you had to comment, it just carries on and on and on. That's why we What do you think would be the best when you know somebody's just picking on you with this social bullying online or the cyber bullying so to say where people are just being picked on because you fat or you thin? Are you tall or you show to you

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from a different country? How do you deal with those trolls so to say on the internet, you know, I I've always had this approach and this is just my personal approach where I take things head on and I don't believe in leaving such people be because that when you do it, you know when you leave them and you just keep quiet, then they continue and it becomes worse. It's just like bullying out in the open in the schoolyard. These people are just big bullies. So what they do if you if you encourage your child to remain silent and cower away, what will happen is they'll pick on him more and more. Until he you know stavroula sometimes you find children who actually take their lives so it gets

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quite loud

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Yes, yes, yes, a lot of the time. So I think in that case, you you've got to teach the person that no stand up for yourself and speak out. And or in some cases, like when it comes to physical abuse, then the child needs to learn how to physically protect themselves as well.

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So not always do walk away from the problem. And this is how I deal with I try to deal with issues, you know, hit on that no, hold on, I believe that I haven't done something wrong here. Why? What's the problem, and then if I see that there's no absolutely no benefit in continuing. And it's just going to cause further problems, then I'll walk away. But by that time, the person realizes that you know what, this guy has a line and don't cross that line. So so it's good to have that with you as well. Because otherwise people just trample all over you.

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I think I resonate with you, I may be a little bit different. I agree totally, that if you've got children or somebody, you know, bullying, and especially when it comes to children, they don't really understand life as yet small things, they obviously feel that these are major things, and it may cause them to take their lives or do something bad or give up the money will be beaten, etc. You've also got to tell your child that you know, when it comes to the internet, yes, you might be using your phone or you even when you go to school, people may be troubling you bullying, you're speaking to somebody else the other day, and they were speaking about how through their childhood or

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in their childhood, they had a very difficult time there was trauma everywhere, especially at school. And this child felt like you know, if I say something, these bullies would get worse. So we've got to teach our children that when it comes to things like that, come and speak up, come home, don't fear what other people will do at the school. And you know, we've got to address those issues head on, as you mentioned. As for when it comes to people trolling you online, maybe you somebody who's got a vision and idea. Firstly, as we mentioned, look how you may be wrong. If you feel that you're not wrong, and people have just judged you, they picking on you, they don't really

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want to give Nazi hand sincere advice. So to say, personally, I wouldn't take it head on, I would just leave it and carry on probably use the block feature and move on. I think that's how I would deal with it. Yes, yes. Yes, I would also do do the same in certain certain circumstances. But having said that, like, you know, when you just keep doing this, and it becomes a trend, then it empowers the rest of them to come after you that yes, yeah, this guy he just calls away. So it empowers them to feel that we can say anything or do anything. And what happens eventually is that they come out and they start making videos of their own. And this especially happens amongst the the

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scholars and amongst this students of knowledge. And this is something that I don't think we should come over away from this discussion as well, you know, because it's becoming so common where this one talks against that one, and that one talks against that one. And the public is caught in between Why? Because he's got his followers, these people have, they have got their followers and like you mentioned, you know, they can't remove the fact that we align ourselves with this person. So it becomes an influencing factor. And they immediately, you know, attack the other person. No, it doesn't matter what he's saying. Even though there may be some truth to it. Now, I'm not saying it's

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always the case, but there may be some truth to what he's saying, they won't even consider that why, because this is my chef, he can't be wrong. And the same happens, you know, with the other side, they align themselves with a person, they have hatred for the person. And they take all of the remove the conversation completely. And they start thinking about the emotions for that person. And it becomes about, you know, issuing, you know, words and just saying things against each other, and absolutely no benefit when I look at it. And I think of these situations, I really feel that this people want the downfall of Islam and the Muslim family who have who are behind all of this, because

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if you look at the crux of the problem, it's not major, it's not a serious problem. And even if it is, there's a way in dealing with it not in the manner that it causing so much harm to Islam and the Muslims as a whole. So, that's something that, you know, just it's been playing on my mind for a while and

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you know, you I had a powerful point the other day and somebody was mentioning that when you want to do something in life, you want to establish yourself, it's like you making your building, you obviously want to be the best you want to build the biggest building. A lot of people translate success as being you build your building a little bit, and then you go to try and break everybody.

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else's building, this one did this and that one did this and pick on this one pick on this one pick on this one. And you find that you don't grow, that's 95% or more of the people are doing this way you want to get up at the expense of somebody else come from a place of abundance, you can build your building as high as you want with somebody else also booming you can make money and do business with somebody else. Also making money and doing business. You can do your data, as long as it's correct. You're doing it as well as somebody else also doing it and so many others doing it. So we've got to come from a place of abundance, not a place of scarcity not feeling that for me to get

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higher, I have to tamper with jump on top of this one, put him down so I can get high and bash everybody and you would find that a lot of people who are successful we would call successful, obviously, Allah judges, but those who've got a following online, those who do good, you will find that a lot of them what they did is they spoke about what's right. They boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, yes, they may have the mistakes. But now you're starting from the bottom. You don't start by going to this one mistake and attacking and attacking and attacking and attacking. That's not how you get them. That's not how they got there and got that respect. So there's a way of doing things.

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Allah he's so true. So true. You know, these people, as you mentioned, they feel like they need to step on others in order to achieve something. Yet, I think that's the complete opposite of success. Because the fact that you need to step on someone for everybody else to see you. You're doing the wrong thing for people to see you. And this is okay, but off topic, but this is what I was, I made a post about recently to say that, you know, people are making all sorts of videos out it's a problem. were they doing anything and everything foolishness, stupidity. And some people they doing stupid things, literally, so to speak, there's no other word to put for it. And the guy is famous. So he

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feels happy. He feels like okay, well, I've achieved something you haven't you've achieved, you're actually stupidly famous. And that's what's important. You know, it's stupid, your stupidity that you've enhanced to make people see you as a famous person. Now, this is slightly off topic. But, you know, coming back to a point that is trampling on someone, in order to get up means you're actually justifying the means for an end. And the end is not even glorious, because ultimately, you will get to be known as a person who became famous solely because he attacked others. So why or why do you have to do that it means you have nothing to offer in and of yourself, which basically is untrue,

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because Allah subhanho wa Taala has given you that opportunity, use your your goodness, to use the power that Allah has given you to spread something positive. And when you disagree, you don't always have to be the person to stand up and say that you see here, this is what I feel is wrong, because it's most 99% of the time, it's an issue where there is serious allowance for difference, you know, difference of opinion. So why should you then stand up and even if you do it, in do it in the most respectful manner, and I feel in today's world, we shouldn't even be uttering names that this person said this. And that person said that refute the ideology. If you must say that, look, this ideology

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is wrong. But to say that this person said it on such and such a date, and because of that, he's a dog is insulting, it's wrong. What Why are you doing that? You know, it means you want to take down the person and an individual, you have something against them personally. So, you know, especially when it comes to insults, I find it very difficult to stomach You know, when we hear that inamdar Shafi Allahu Allahu taala would come into an argument hoping, and I don't know if this is 100% true, this FL, what I've heard, is that even my hope and wish that the truth would come out on the tongue of the his opponent. So the truth would come out, he would make do out we would hope within himself

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that the truth will come out on the, on the tongue of his opponent, opponent, regardless of whether this is true or not, we'll attribute it to remember sheffy the lesson is powerful. That, you know, he wasn't cared about who's right and wrong, but he was cared about the truth. And that's where we've lost the plot completely. It's now about egos and Brighton. You know, I'm right, you're wrong. Come on, hold on guys. what's right and what's wrong is of importance, who and where it came from.

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Chicana you know, we had mentioned a few ways of dealing with this when we speaking about online trolls, etc. I know I may have a different way, you may have a different way of doing it. But I want to ask you one question. For example. I feel that if I'm going to deal with this one and this one, and this one, eventually

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It comes a wave that what you set out to do you then distracted and you do something else. So if somebody who that's why I feel not to address these issues even but let's say somebody who wants to tackle them head on, where do you draw that balance? Where you find that? Okay, if I carry on with this, there is minimal return, or I'm being distracted. How do you put that into perspective? Because then you find a lot of times that Yeah, not all people can stomach it. So let's say somebody needs to speak out. Where do you draw the line? Or you say, you know what, now this is taking too much of my time, or it's wasting my life? I haven't put anything beneficial out there. When do you

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take stock? online? That's, that's a very, very good question that I asked myself, I asked myself a lot of the time. So it's something that I think of, should I respond here or shouldn't times and a lot of the times you find that

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the person who is speaking if that person is someone unknown, not famous, not well known, when I say not famous, not known amongst the people, they may actually be doing it too low you in. And because you have a certain followship, or you have people following, they lure you in, and now all of a sudden, you're in there, and you're arguing with this person, and you you've put him up on a pedestal. And your response to him, means he has made him the happiest person in the world. Because now you've responded to him, you've given him importance, whereas he had absolutely no importance before. And I pass by posts, you know, of sometimes people that I've defended at times on online and

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by the posts, and I see that they mentioning something toxic, they have no, from once apparently doesn't seem very clear whether they have a good intention or not. And I just, you know, you just ignore it. And you see that most people ignore those people. So the minute you respond to them, you're giving them some sort of importance. So in that case, cut them out, leave them to one side, but where the person is a person of stature, and he's spoken, and he's attacking you, in this case, make one response, clear, cut open, explain yourself, leave it and walk away. Because if you don't respond, and you don't speak out, then this will happen again, and it will happen again, and again,

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and again, until the point where you won't be able to remain silent any longer. So if you draw the line early, it's better that way, that hold on guy, you've said something here, but this is what I have to say about it, and I'm walking away from this, and you have to have the strength to walk away, because he will come back with a response. And you might want to respond as well, but walk away from it. Because like you said, If you continue again, and again and again, then what happens is your whole life becomes about and change. And once you in that as well, why? Because now he's no longer doing the productive work that he was engaged in. So, you know, let him get involved in that,

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which is of no importance or less importance, and he's not benefiting the people. So yes, sometimes, you know, they, it does require a response. But like you said, 90% of the time, you will find yourself in a situation where I speak out against this person, you know, there's going to be no benefit. And this happens, especially on comments, you know, where you have a comment and a person's made, it's trivial, don't make it don't make it bigger than it is, you know, so that's why I try and discern between the certain the different cases that are out there, when people not that it's happened to me a lot or anything, but I think about these things and wonder as to how I will deal

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with them, how I have sometimes dealt with them. Like you mentioned, I've blocked people, I've just banned people from a page a time solely, because you can see that this person doesn't really want to engage in an official dialog that just wants to attack. So in that case, I can't be bothered with him, you know.

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And also, another interesting thing is, you know how the saying goes, we you live by something, you'll die by something. So a lot of times people who end up on this thing, after they've beaten everybody asked them they start fighting amongst themselves. So we've got to, you know, make dua to Allah subhanho wa Taala, firstly, to protect us, secondly, accompany people who've actually learned knowledge who've see how difficult it's been how much time they've put in how they've learned and you will then appreciate how when somebody makes a mistake, there's a way to correct them, there's a way not to correct them. Another important thing is that we live in a time where this has never

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happened before you can say something in Africa and it will be heard in Europe or elsewhere in the world, the whole world. Also got to now deal with this in a way where it's completely different to previous times. We're not saying don't say what's right is right. We are saying that you

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times your words, especially when you become so specific and laser focused on a certain person, we you never even understand where they where they coming from what excuse they may have had, you cause a fitna for yourself and the rest of the oma. So we've got to realize that this type of word travels fast, it can cause major problems. And it's we are living at a time, the last 10 or 20 years roughly, is where we've got these tools that we can go from here to there, and this message can get go everywhere within a few minutes. So we've got to be very, very careful. And that's why in one of the Hadith, it's mentioned that person who will be punished as far as I remember, it's to do with

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the punishment of the grave. One of the people who are punished the most is a person who speaks a lie. And this lie spreads everywhere around the world. And we can imagine it now because of this social media.

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Yes, well, I and even, you know, it is enough of a sin for a person to speak everything that he hears, or to pass on everything that he hears, is also of importance in today's world where you've got the phone button, and people just like to forward messages, etc. Think first is the benefit in this, should I do it? Shouldn't I do it? And that's of utmost importance, because like you've mentioned, you have a problem, local problem here in this part of the world. Maybe like the southern tip of, you know, America, and on in Europe, people are hearing of it within minutes. Are they seeing what's happening within minutes, you've got others who go online and for the wrong reason,

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again, they want to put a live video up of what's the problem that's going on? What What benefit will it be off to the people in Europe to know what's going on day? Is it going to help the problem in any way? So why did you do it? You know, that's the question that person's got to ask themselves and it's become, you know, it's good. These tools are good, but it's a double edged sword you can it can also cause a lot of harm and problems as well.

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May Allah Subhana Allah protect us? Shekinah we've had a good session. Is there anything else you'd like to add? Or maybe we could recap what we mentioned

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hamdulillah I think it was it was an excellent session and there was a lot of you know, things that we discussed that were of utmost importance. hamdulillah It was lovely discussing and sitting and talking. I believe Mufti has joined us on the live as well earlier Masha light was lovely to see him joining as well it's nice to Mashallah you know, just to acknowledge his presence on here and Allah,

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Masha Allah, I think lesson we learned from him, which he always says that there'll be so many people who say things at times, and you'll be tempted to reply just a lot of the time just hold yourself, hold yourself. A lot of the times Yeah, sometimes we you have to make something clear that this didn't happen. You speak but it's a lot of the times people just want that three minutes of fame or five minutes of fame. And it's in the open it's in the comments. Okay, you reply, let me reply, let me reply. So, that's something to also ponder over. Basically, in a nutshell, what we spoke about today, we said that when you differing with somebody, there's a few ways to look at it,

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you can be right you can be wrong, we spoke about how to deal with it, obviously, look at how you may be wrong in the first place. Also, there's some relationships which are worth keeping, which you cannot leave a person for, you know, a month and a week, etc with it, especially when it comes to your home and real people. Another thing when it comes to the internet, that's a whole different ballgame. We've got cyberbullying etc, we saying speak out, tell somebody if you're being bullied, we should tell our children to our children should be able to approach us when they have problems, whether it's in school, whether it's in life, otherwise they go to somebody else who they can

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confide in, also how to, you know, protect our time as well as, as by him said not letting people get away with things. We've also spoke about that and quite a bit more.

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Yes, Alhamdulillah there was a lot that was discussed. You recapped it beautifully chef,

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Allah He was someone who was saying that when I respond, sometimes I apologize when I'm wrong, and then I lose myself respect. And I think that, you know, the loss of self respect shouldn't be something that you should focus on. When you when you apologize, because Haddad says that, you know, Omar said Allahu abdeen, f1 illa is that it's only a person who's only raised in, in status when they, you know, forgive or as far as I'm sure the meaning is that they forgive. So you're you're raised in status, you shouldn't feel that me apologizing has put me down but actually, you

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One against your ego so you're you should be honored in the in such a situation. And here in this situation after that's what the human beings you then put yourself in the eyes of Allah subhanho wa Taala you feel that oh well I did this for you and as Allah says I'm an alpha whilst I have a Jew, Allah Allah, in a waiver forgives mix up etc. Then very rewarding is with a last panel which is also what's interesting is when our last panel which Allah speaks about this, problems that occur between people also the whispers of shape and away my ends and the communists shape and in Israel and fester, if we left when it's something from Chopin, immediately seek or seek the protection of Allah

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subhanho wa Taala. Later on in those few verses, or less kind of what Allah is speaking about a certain group of people who they do this, they hope in the reward of Allah subhanho wa Taala. But these are very few. And he says, when you look at her lady in Sabah, when I look at her, who have been basically saying, the people who have this trait, it's, it's obviously from the topic of Allah subhanho wa Taala. And he has granted them patience, and they will have a great reward. So remember, first and foremost, you doing it, because you're hoping for a reward in Allah subhanho wa Taala is at times we is somebody who you can speak with you, later on you, you can address it to say, You

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know what? I feel I'm always saying sorry, and I feel like this, etc. Maybe that's a way of looking at it. Yes, for life of utmost importance, even that last bit that you mentioned, where people feel like I'm always saying, sorry, it's important to raise that as well. Because sometimes, you know, they genuinely don't have a way to put themselves across even though they may be right. And they end up saying sorry. And so it's very important. Yes. Yes, that I wanted to mention is Allah subhanho wa Taala says it viability here. So when it comes to human beings try and do what's best, obviously, we can preach about it. Doing it is the difficult part. And it requires Sophie from Allah subhana wa to

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Allah. Allah says, in fact, we let you hear our son, Father, Lady beynac, our Bina who can actually you and hummingbirds. Basically, if you do that, which is good, and you be the better party, the evening, the one who you have this enmity with, you'll find that the evening law you become closer we could say good and close friends and allies, so to say, and then he says, Well, now you lock in the levina sobble only people who are patient have the straight and they are able to do it and they will have a great reward. Yes, we can preach it but that's a level where it's difficult We ask Allah Subhana which Allah to grant us that level? Absolutely, you know, now that you mentioned

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infallibility here, which is responding with that, which is better basically. So, you know, the result can actually be that this person whom you have great enmity with becomes a close friend. So So however, there was a shift and I won't take his name, Mashallah, he was talking about how, you know, he had some sort of disagreement with someone on the road, so to speak, you know, something was committed in terms of an a traffic, you know, error, you could say or miss judgment. And this person behind him became very angry, and he started, you know, pursuing him, etc. He was going at at a fast speed behind him. And when they came up to the traffic light, he says, We're lucky, I just

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blew you as a man and he was a man in the car and he said, I just blew him a kiss, so to speak. And he said, the guy couldn't hear no response, but to start laughing. So imagine all that pent up anger just burst out in the last and that was the that was the way that he diffused the whole situation and turned it around. So it's kind of like infighting, but he asked him, you know, respond to that which is better.

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Allah Subhana which Allah grant us weldability Shana, is there anything else you'd like to mention before we end?

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No, judges are looking it's been lovely sessions like here for having me on the on the live view Alhamdulillah it's been lovely chatting and I hope it's been a benefit.

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I mean, we can we ask Allah subhana wa Allah to grant us all goodness, and inshallah next week we see you again. Amani, Allah salaam aleikum. Wa Rahmatullahi wa barakaatuh. I didn't consider Lyrica second.