Hatem al-Haj – #20 Fiqh of Family – Chapter on Mourning

Hatem al-Haj
AI: Summary © The conversation covers topics such as Islam, manhood, and the negative consequences of certain relationships, including marital harmony and manhood. The importance of holding onto people's biological needs and avoiding negative consequences is emphasized. The use of dye to create garments and jewelry is discussed, and the importance of avoiding colors meant for beautification and wear natural colors for a natural look is emphasized. The importance of staying in a home for four months and 10 days is emphasized, along with the need for permission to travel outside and a back-to-school method.
AI: Transcript ©
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Bismillah Alhamdulillah wa salatu salam

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to proceed.

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Today inshallah we will try to

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finish many chapters because they're a little bit smaller. So we won't have the chapter on morning or

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you know that that's to mourn the deceased husband. And we will have the chapter on property motto that that is the chapter on the maintenance of women observing their periods.

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And then we will have the

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Kitab er, that's the book of the heart. When someone calls

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when someone says to his wife, you are to me like the back of my mother or sort of a variation of that. And then we will have Kitab Leon, that is the book of neon, which can sometimes be translated as public imprecation, which shows which are translated in the book as mutual invocation of curses, because that's what the word means. There are mutual invocation of curses.

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Now it's mutual invocation of curses, but everybody's cursing themselves, not the other person. And they were liars. Anyway. So let's start with the first chapter. And that would be the chapter on mourning or

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Kodama him Allah says in his book alone, the

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Baba God the chapter and mourning, what logic

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it is binding on any woman whose husband dies

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it is binding on any woman whose husband dies.

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What Xena to sleep while the bill is met? What FCC EPA must, must move at the glassine Nicolelis with the laser

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focus LS LS Elgin or Bhattacharya, Masha Allah tala suitable burn was moving in LA Silva has been what attracted even la dr select not that I'm in causton far it includes avoiding adornments perfumes,

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eyeliner by esmad particular

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metal and

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and wearing clothes that are dyed pure pure beautification buy it for beautification. This is because of the statement of the Messenger of Allah sallallahu sallam, no woman should more and more than three days for anyone who dies except for her husband, for whom she Morin, she should mourn for four months and 10 days. She should not wear garments that are dyed or patterned, except for the US the garments, she should not put on

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corporate view about when having garrucha birth, she may use a little boost, or as far

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So what does that mean? So that more in someone, a woman may mourn anyone for three days, she's not allowed to mourn for longer than three days.

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That does not mean that she is not prevented, that does not mean that she is prevented from being sad, or grieving over a deceased relative, such as a mother, a father, a child, etc. It means that she will, you know, because

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they are married. The idea here is Islam really puts a lot of emphasis on the issue of marital harmony and the issue of gratification and making sure that America relationship is gratifying for very obvious reasons. You know, the one marriages are not satisfying.

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This leads to what we all see it is not it does not need to be proven.

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People are, and despite the fact that they always bad mouse polygamy.

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But there is really no monogamy that most people have, you know, most people do realize that the studies have shown that infidelity is extremely common.

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And people have different relationships, they have mistresses and addition to their wives. And then they have this casual, the so called cat, and they have different names for these things like that are inappropriate dimension.

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For those casual relationships for, you know, sort of the one time relationships

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and these have enormous impact on the morality of individuals, the morality of the entire society, they have enormous impact on the number of children being born out of wedlock, they have enormous impact on,

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on everything, on relationships, on on people's trust in their partners on even trust between parents and children.

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To trust that your child is here, in fact, your child and your parents is in fact, your parent is extremely important. For you know, for the bond of the these relationships.

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Okay, so Islam realizes this, and Islam realizes that, you know, and we say when we say Islam, we're talking about God.

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So when Islam realizes this, and it also realizes the fact that so many men, whether you like it or not, because there is

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when we want to hear, though, don't like some sort of biological tendencies, some weaknesses, and some men, and the fact that you don't like them does not mean that they do not exist. If they exist, they need to be sort of addressed and factored into the equation. Islam recognizes that some men don't have much patience. When it comes to their sir some of their sort of biological needs. They don't have that much patience, in order to prevent

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perversion in order to prevent deviation corruption, sexual corruption, immorality in the society, Islam put some emphasis here on and some responsibility here on the wife,

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ensuring that the husband will not be

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sort of, to seek more gratification of their, of his desires.

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So that is why

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the Prophet sallahu wa sallam speaks about, you know, if a woman goes to bed when her husband has angry with her, the angels will curse her until the morning.

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Things of that nature to basically underscore the importance of keeping marital harmony and keeping this relationship gratifying for both parties and women.

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And that, certainly we're just

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in this.

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In these times, it's not even postmodern, this because it is post modernist with tyranny. Like some people who talk about relativism, they want to tyrannically impose their values. They talk to us about relativism, basically, to

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undermine morality, undermine virtue, undermine objective morality, but then they made their own morals, not only objective,

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but you know,

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that sort of

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the only moral value that is to be considered or to be respected, is what they impose on the masses. Whatever they come up with,

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they want to impose it. How is that? How is that relativist? I don't see that this is relativist at all. They don't even respect the different value systems and they want to impose the

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own values. So so that relativism was only to undermine

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morality to undermine virtue to undermine religion, which they want to call organize the religion, basically to make it look like a suffocating, oppressive system

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that people should do away with.

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So anyway,

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we are all seeing where they're taking humanity. And we're all witnessing the consequences of this moral relativism and how the sterically the sort of

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immoral tyranny, like imposing immorality on the people, and not respecting that some people may actually want to live more virtuous lives.

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So anyway, it is important to start a bit to start by this introduction, because some people may say, why is a woman prevented from mourning on her morning, her relatives or deceased relatives for more than three days, she is not prevented from grieving, she is not prevented from being sad, she's only prevented from,

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you know, like wearing black, and not putting on perfu and not

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sort of putting in on any enhancements, that type of mourning, that is to be observed for four months and 10 days, or a husband who dies. If she is if her husband had not died, she is allowed to do this for three days, and not more, because of the rights of her husband.

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If she does this for let's say, four months, for other than her husband, and her husband may in this case,

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feel and like I said, many husbands will be able to tolerate this there is no problem. But the issue is many are also unable to handle this. Many are unable to, to not have

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their biological needs satisfied for an extended period of time. And the result of this for many people who may have weakness in their moral character, the result of this will be infidelity. And the consequences of this will be suffered by not only the husband, but the entire family, and generally the entire society.

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So that's why the Prophet sallallahu Sallam said that a woman should not mourn more than three days for other than a husband, and for her husband to mourn for four months and 10 days. And that is also to underscore the sort of the place or this relationship

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the importance of the marital relationship.

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So she, she would mourn for four months, and then the uncertainty for months and 10 days is not really that long of a period because that period usually is about three months, right? So two more and four months and 10 days, that's just like one month and 10 days more than a period, the regular period. So it's not like she's asked, she's been asked to more forever. You know, in some other, you know, societies us asked to burn herself.

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She's not being asked to more to burn herself. She's not being asked to mourn forever. She's not being even asked to mourn for a year, it just four months and 10 days afterwards, she can get married, she can move on with her life, and so on. So she's given that period, basically, to reflect and to sort of

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regain her equilibrium before she moves on with her life and gets married to someone else, ensure that she's not pregnant and sort of regained her equilibrium. And then she is free to get married. And during the time of the Prophet sallallahu Sallam

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those women used to be

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just like versions and women who are not previously married. They used to be sort of the proposed to very, very quickly and to the point

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Where a lot told them, don't do it, frankly. And, you know, when she's, you know, particularly when we're talking about the divorce,

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and particularly the Roger a divorce in. Most importantly, you know, there is a little bit of controversy about, you know, the third time but but in general in general.

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The last one, I thought I wanted to keep them from proposing, frankly, to a woman, certainly the Roger a woman, you're not going to propose, frankly, are not going to propose subtly, no proposing whatsoever, because you're ruining her for her husband, and there's a Lost Planet, Allah wanted them to restore their marriage.

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But then,

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the point that I'm trying to make here is that four months and 10 days after the death of the husband is not really too long.

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Giving a you know, the need to given the regular period is three months, given the need to ensure that there is no pregnancy, giving the need for the woman to regain her equilibrium. So four months and 10 days is not that long. Now, during the four months and 10 days, the morning that we're talking about during the four months and 10 days, it has to do with where she lives, and it has to do with her conduct. So, when it comes to her conduct, like enhancement, you know,

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most women which is a good thing, not a bad thing.

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A good thing not a bad thing, they pay a lot attention to their appearance and beautification enhancement and stuff like this buy jewelry and makeup and things of that nature, they are told to avoid this for four months and 10 days.

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If their husbands died, they are told to avoid all of these enhancements. So, what is to be avoided, what is to be avoided, in terms of garment

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is basically anything that is that the diet clothes, what do you mean by diet clothes. So, the Prophet sallallahu Sallam said here, when I tell the best album was a lesser boss, beware that actor when it comes to leaving in later castleknock

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as far so she should not wear

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garments that are dyed or pattern over patterns, except for the hospital garments. She should not put on quiet or eyeliner or perfume. But when having original bath, she may use a little cluster of so

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here there is another honey thoughts from Osama where the Prophet sallallahu Sallam said letter the best

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you know masaka

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and mahasiswa what a shocker monster is basically the witches died by Osborn which gives it like some yellowish color. Theobroma Shaka it's died by certain dye. Metallic dye that will give it like some reddish color. What a ton of muscle Li and she should not wear jewelry, what a tactile Hello, what are the what are the particular tactile and she should not put on hanger and she should not put on or eyeliner.

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So basically three things the garment should be bland. What does that mean? It does not mean black. In fact, it did not mean black black was one of the dyed garments.

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So it's the natural color. They used to dye the natural color of the of the fabric, the natural color of the thread.

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Cotton, the natural color of cotton, the natural color of linen, not dyed, except the cell boss, which is when the when the dye and sell blossom It was like a very

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sort of

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what unrefined process where the threads are bundled after spinning and before we even after spinning and before we even the threads are bundled and they just get dipped in the dye. So when you weave them afterwards they're bloodshy. The it's not parts are dyed and parts are not because when they were bundled that they were in

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dipped into the dye. So when you weave them, so obviously, they're not dyed for protection, they're not dyed for purification for beautification. So, the ones that were mentioned by the prophets of Solomon's yellow, and red have those colors added to this like blue and green, but they they accepted from this or the excluded from this what

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navy blue, black, very dark brown, that they call these are colors that are not meant for beautification colors that are not meant for beautification, they are meant

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to feed was

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to basically hide or conceal dirt or you know, so, because white and natural colors, they would show there very easily. So, it would be hard for the woman to keep

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you know, looking decent with a very light colored

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garment. So, they allow the women to wear black, brown, dark navy colors, because they you know, because they are practical and they are not these colors are not meant for beautification. So, a woman may then wear the natural colors may wear white

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may wear you know, these darker colors if the preferred but it was not meant for women to just wear black. But this became the culture and many societies wear that or mourning.

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That became the symbol of the other morning to wear black. And they really should not do this all the time. Because it can sometimes be depressing to wear black all the time, particularly if there are children around the Sun leavers. So anyway.

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So that is as far as garments are are concerned. When it comes to garments, we are avoiding colors that are meant for beautification, natural colors, and darker colors that are not meant for beautification. hardline, white is fine, Black is fine, dark navy is fine, balance fine. All these are fine.

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When it comes to jewelry, she will avoid all jewelry, because the Prophet sallallahu Sallam said, Well, I thought the best apparently, so she should not wear jewelry.

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When it comes to

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perfumes, she should avoid all perfumes, except if she had a ritual bath after her period and she had a ritual bath, then she can take pasta or as far as not posting as far these are, some of the scholars said there's the same thing. So so just something to remove bad odors, something to remove bad odor, if there is bad odor

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after the ritual bath,

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but you should avoid perfumes. And she should avoid makeup.

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Because makeup is a form of enhancement and if she is not

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basically accepting proposal or she's not sort of

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interested in remarrying, she's taken her time to regain her equilibrium for four months and 10 days. So if she's not interested in any of that stuff, she should not try to enhance her looks. So she would avoid Hannah.

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She will avoid eyeliners she will avoid all kinds of makeup, lots of other black tactile, she would avoid all kinds of makeup, no makeup. So that's it as far as enhancement of appearance, garment, jewelry, makeup, these are the three things and perfumes, garment jewelry, makeup perfumes, were avoiding any enhancement with respect to these things

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we set for non a non husband three days for a husband for months and 10 days.

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having said that,

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this is just like one of the genre of rulings. The other genre of rulings is when it comes to mobility, mobility. So the this one genre of rulings is about enhancement of appearance. The other genre

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rulings that will apply to a mourning woman whose husband died

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has to do with her mobility. And that is what we'll see when discussed now. He says, Well, I have a beefy Manzini heavy water bottle he had when he has a fee he's gonna have

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it is binding on her whenever possible to spend the nights at the home, where she was living when the actor became incumbent on her because of Hadith, the profit loss Island, urban thematic, where he says her, you know, stay in the place where you received the denial or the news of the death of your husband had tabloid Kitab agita until your period ends, which is the four months and then days

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end. So the purpose of certain folder to stay in the home that

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she's in? Can she go out during the day or at night? Can she go out during the day or at night? Particularly the night she should not go out? And when we say she should not go out? Islam is a very realistic religion. Everything there is always an exception, what is it called dharuhera. necessity, everything in Islam, you have this sort of exception, which is the Aurora or Mississippi FC.

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FC would have to be out at night because of fear.

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And we will discuss some of the reasons, you know, legitimate fear.

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If she's getting panic attacks, she is really you know, this is not something like that is sort of made up or anything but she is truly too anxious to handle being alone

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at night, and she's getting panic attacks or things of that nature, not the simple fear because as we will come to see here, when women came to the Prophet sallallahu Sallam majority reported this, and some of the scholars traced it to the prophets of Salaam with an acceptable chain of narration majah had reported that some women after their husbands died, were martyred in the game to the prophet SAW Salem and complained to him that they feel scared that night. And they wish that they would be able to spend the night together, and then go back to their home in the morning, he said to them chat with each other, and till that time, until bedtime, and then go each one of you will go to

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her home, to spend the night at home. And certainly, you know, it was not scary to live still the Medina of the Prophet sallallahu Sallam and homes were close by and she would be able to walk down the block to her home, so on, but he allowed them for that concern, which is psychological concerns not like had where it's like a physical material or material need, they just wanted to have company. So he allowed them to stay with each other

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and chat them bedtime and then go home and sleep at home. So, that is why we are taking from this that the night particularly should be spent at home unless there is a real necessity.

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And a real necessity, you know, part of the real necessity would be

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you know not being able to pay rent for instance for you know, and she wanted to go back to her family because he's unable to pay rent. In fact, in fact, the honeyberries in the authorize the view would not require her to pay rent if she has to pay from her own money. However, it is a

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an own home, not a rental home.

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And it's paid off and her husband left it for her

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than she could she would stay and the heirs also leave her in that home. She would stay if the husband had paid rent for four months and or more than for you know, for enough period. Then she would stay. The ham bellies said that if she would have to pay out of pocket from her own money she is not required because what is mandatory

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On her is a sokhna, not pasila circrna is stay in her home not to basically afford like that accommodation, if it is a for that for her, she will stay. If it is not afforded for her, she is not required to pay out of her own money to stay for months and 10 days if she desire to go back to her family in this case, she may go back.

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Also, if there is a if the area is unsafe, you know, there there is like real concern about safety, or things of that nature. Or if there is no one to basically secure her needs.

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She just moved from some place and she is she doesn't know the territory and her husband was doing everything for her. And now she would really be very difficult for her to survive on her own in there or in all of these cases, she is

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it is fine for her to move. And if she moves, that does not matter. The Hanbury say she does not have to move to the nearest relative, she can just choose, in this case, the nearest relative to her marital home, but she can choose in this case. So she is, you know, in the case of necessity, and that could be even psychological necessity. But I read one, not just the average sort of zero, I feel lonely, everybody feels that you know, but if that is causing her panic attacks, if that is she, if we really fear for her sort of mental stability, then that's fine. assisity safety is you know,

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and the material needs, sort of cost and material needs and all of that. So these are the exceptions, when it comes to that when it comes to the day and going out, you know, not moving from her home but going out during the day for her various needs. We have the Hadith that's reported by a Muslim from the arbiter of knob de la

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wherever woman her husband died, and someone you know, she went out to basically pick the dates or

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pick the dates off her palm trees she had an orchard and she wanted to go out and pick up the data from Palm trees that is to oversee you know you don't expect her to do it herself. But that is to oversee the picking of the dates of the palm trees. And a man came and and you know for beta from this or rebuked her about going out during the four months and 10 days. And when she went to the Prophet sallallahu Sallam has jabber reported and this is the material and of jabber so he knows the story quite well. And Muslim Muslim

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is the one who reported this particular Hadith. She when she went to the province of Southern he said to her go out for the lucky fella lucky anisotropy out of it Hira come upon, go out and sort of take care of your palm trees. Because you may be able to give charity from this or to do something good with this money.

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So he told her don't freeze your life. In other words, if a woman has a career and she cannot take that time off, because it will destroy her career, would she be allowed to go out to work for that need? Yes, based on this hobbies, because the Prophet sallallahu Sallam told her Yes, go out, take care of your orchard or your palm trees. Because you may be able to

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give charity or do something good with this money. Lucky on South Dakota Valley higher. So So here during the day, it's more flexible. And as we said the Prophet sallallahu Sallam not only allowed her to go out and take care of such needs, but he also allowed those women after or had to go out to chat with each other. Basically, you know, if they are feeling lonely, the they just need to be they need company. He allowed them to go out. But that does not mean

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that you go out to socialize. We're talking about people who felt scared who you know

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There was like a an obvious cause here for this, it is not simply to go out to socialize because she has not to leave her home for these things they even talked about, you know, so she's not going to go out to wedding party, she's not going to go out to like get togethers and gatherings.

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For the sake of socialization, these women were going out because they were scared to stay at home. So the prophets of Salaam let them go out chat with each other during the night until it's bedtime, and then each one would go back to her home.

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So that is what that's why he said, Well, I am a big man's idiot let the water bottle a

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wait a second if he is I'm going to have alligators binding on her whenever possible to spend the night at her home where she was living when died became incumbent on her whenever possible, as I said whenever possible, because there is this after us from where it is not possible. You know, you want to exclude scenarios where there is fear for safety, where there is financial inability, and like I said the honeyberries did not even require her even if he she is capable cording to the authorized view to spend from her own money to maintain that apartment on the fly is taken care of for her taken care of by you know her husband before his death or by somebody but she's not required

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to spend all those cash he says she is required if she's required to stay then she's required to there's not another position within the homebody method that if she is able to afford it without hardship, and we're saying that she's required to stay then mandated midwives will let

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you know that which is nice sort of necessary for the fulfillment of an obligation is obligatory itself. So

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But anyway, the authorize view in the embedded method is that she's she will be recommended for sure but not required to spend the her own money and then the she accepts I'm currently suffering now had been for two years Oh do you have a curry Bharata Tata that he went to antibiotics model v savaria. If si has left for travel or pilgrimage, and her husband dies, while she is still near,

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she should return to spend the waiting period at her home. If she is far she can carry on with her travel. She as far as she can carry on with her travel, what is near and what is far. So she goes out, she travels she is traveling, she goes out whether it is hard or something else, there is an algorithm here, the handle is said that if she is moving with the permission of her husband, or with her husband, like moving for, like from town to town, moving they just decided to move to leave this apartment to leave this house and to move and not moving, not moving basically, transient travel, transient

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There are different feelings as she's moving. And she left to the bornean of the town that she is in. She left the sort of the

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sensitiveness Yes.

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The Yeah. So

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that weddings are you know, like she went outside to like agriculture and land is sort of forest or, you know, so she left the homes, the dwellings of the city.

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We consider them It could also be you know, parks, but but anyway she left to the homes

00:39:06 --> 00:39:26

of the city, then she does not need to come back, she is given the choice of proceeding to where she was going or to returning and spending the four months and 10 days in one of these two, whatever she used to be or where she is heading. Now FC was traveling

00:39:31 --> 00:39:34

not moving but like a transit and travel like

00:39:36 --> 00:39:49

that is most African cars, it is the the distance after which you can you could shorten the prayers. And in the Hanbury method, this will be about 50 miles

00:39:51 --> 00:39:55

about 85 kilometers. So

00:39:57 --> 00:39:59

so that is after which you know, if she had

00:40:00 --> 00:40:02

Moving Beyond this, then

00:40:04 --> 00:40:06

she should proceed.

00:40:11 --> 00:40:20

Now if she went out in the hungry mother, if she went out for Hajj and she can come back and spend the night then there is still time for Hodges and she should go.

00:40:21 --> 00:40:40

If she had not left beyond the distance, you know, she made her home, she went out, but she is still did not basically go beyond that distance of shortening the prayers, myself are the costs.

00:40:42 --> 00:40:48

And the news of the harassment arrive. What should she do? What should she do?

00:40:50 --> 00:41:09

Now, she's not beyond that massage or distance, if she has beyond that chipper will proceed to make her heart she's not beyond the What should she do, she should return and do her. Right that will take priority in this case, return and do her head.

00:41:11 --> 00:41:22

And when she finishes there at the bottom, this is a little bit you know, difficult, she should stay. She is in that anyway. So that

00:41:24 --> 00:41:39

the rulings are not very different. So she should stay in a home. Because I head on for men, you know, is more inconvenient, not inconvenient, but it's a lot more difficult than for women.

00:41:40 --> 00:42:01

But you should stay in her arm until she can make Amara to dissolve without had to handle from that HUDs. Or if she's unable to make Amara, then she will be treated like someone who's mosser or prevented from proceeding and she will explain it in the usual way

00:42:02 --> 00:42:04

for the mosser. Now

00:42:06 --> 00:43:00

all of this is basically to say that she is that she has limitations on mobility. So no enhancement of appearance. And next versus limitation on mobility, she should stay in that home for four months and 10 days go out during the day for needs only go out at night only if there is a necessity or Aurora. No travel, unless she had already embarked on the travel. And if she was moving, she left the dwellings of the city. And if she was not moving, she went sort of farther away from the distance for shortening the prayers. She covered more than 50 miles let's say.

00:43:01 --> 00:43:02

Then the last

00:43:04 --> 00:43:09

last thing here that he wanted to discuss in this chapter is luck.

00:43:10 --> 00:43:27

He says luck to the last and myths who have left the database here, the one who has been divorced three times as similar to her except for observing died in her home, except for observing died in her home.

00:43:29 --> 00:43:31

So see what happened.

00:43:32 --> 00:43:49

That Yes, they're saying that she would make that if she has been divorced three times, she will not wear colorful garments, she would not wear jewelry, she will not put on perfume, she will not wear makeup.

00:43:50 --> 00:44:11

So, who said this the harder fees and the disposition and how many metal have which happened to be not the authorized position in the metal hub or not the stronger position in the middle of it is strong, but it is not the stronger position in the method, the stronger position in the method

00:44:12 --> 00:44:41

is that she is not and that is also the position of the medic isn't shafa is is that that is only for death, not for finalize divorce without recourse not for finalized divorce without recourse. So we can say that the majority said that that are mourning for the husband is not haftar the three for the the third the divorce or finalized divorce without

00:44:42 --> 00:44:47

recourse, but it is after

00:44:49 --> 00:44:53

this only it is because of death only.

00:44:54 --> 00:44:59

And it is clear in the statement of the prophets Allah Salaam where the prophets was themselves like to head do

00:45:00 --> 00:45:30

Ma Ma Ma eatin hexosamine Sarah See, em Illa Allah as Elgin about asuran washer. So a woman may not mourn over a maid someone who died. So the know where the Prophet sallallahu Sallam asked women to make a bad after the third the divorce, it's only after death and that is the stronger position.

00:45:33 --> 00:45:35

We'll let's take

00:45:36 --> 00:45:37

five minutes

00:45:39 --> 00:45:48

to break here and come back to discuss the chapter on nothing more than that or the maintenance of women observing their ad.

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