Huda Tonight With sister hosting Mohamad Baajour
Channel: Haleh Banani
File Size: 36.58MB
Episode Transcript ©
Transcripts are auto-generated and thus will be be inaccurate and at times crude. We are considering building a system to allow volunteers to edit transcripts in a controlled system. No part of this transcript may be copied or referenced or transmitted in any way whatsoever.
Salam aleikum. I'm Hala Banani Welcome to inspirations with Khalid Banani on Hooda tonight Bismillah was salat wa salam ala Rasulillah. What do I need to do to inspire others? I get asked this all the time. How do I get my spouse to listen to me? How do I get my children to stop their annoying behavior? What will it take to make changes in my community? The most critical aspect and inspiring others is practicing what you preach. You can't be a health coach giving advice about diet and exercise. If you're 50 pounds, overweight and suffering from illnesses. You can't give financial advice if you're bankrupt. And you definitely can't give marriage and parenting advice. If you
haven't mastered it in your own life. In order to live an authentic life with Ehsaan, sincerity and trustworthiness. You have to walk the talk. It's easy to give theoretical advice to others on marriage and parenting. But we need to ask ourselves, does this person apply what they are teaching? Have they had success in their own life practicing their approach? What would their spouse and children report about their character and their personality? Our guest today let's start with Mohamed Bosch who lives authentically what really stands out is that his biggest fans are his wife and three adult children mashallah Tabata Kala, this exemplifies how there is congruence between his
public and private persona, mashallah he walks the talk and he practices what he preaches. He is the director of tarbiyah at Epic Masjid in Dallas, Texas, which is one of the most prominent and active massages in North America. MashAllah Tabata Allah. He has been active in Dawa, helping establish Slavic schools and building Masjid centric communities in New York and Dallas. Let's start Muhammad by joueur is loved by everyone in the epic community Masha Allah Salam, Aleikum Asad Mohammed Bowser, and welcome to the program.
Catherine sister Holly, thank you so much for
inviting me to the program. I'm very honored and privileged may be better than what you think of me.
Give what you know about me. I mean, masala it's a pleasure to have you know, you and your family have been very dear to us since you moved to Dallas, and we enjoyed celebrating so many of the eats together and having wonderful memories your children are like our niece and nephews and we love y'all masala. Eating is mutual and others ours. Sounds like a locket. You know, you weren't always a die, right? You were a successful businessman from a Lebanese background. And it's not very common for a businessman to go into Dawa. We'd love to hear your journey in becoming active in Dawa. So hallelujah. That's absolutely true. I I am like you mentioned from a Lebanese descent. I moved to
New York in 1989, around 33 years,
three years ago, and I have a BA in economics from a university
and my, my family, my parents, my father and my grandfather, they are into business and trade. So I grew up in a family that is always into the genre.
And a business as you all know that the business is in the blood of deliveries people Yes, I was about to say that it is in the blood. Absolutely. Go to Africa, you go to South America, you will find the all the businesses are run by by Lebanese
handler have been immune from that background. I came and I started some businesses in New York retail and I opened an export import business between New York and Congo in Africa and everything was very successful. 100
Gradually I started going through the deen and getting inclined to increase my spirituality and Subhanallah it's like a yardstick and this is getting less and this is getting more
than a lot of bad. I mean, in 2014 I decided to
dedicate all my life to the data and handle a lot of I mean, I had my sharing business and I still have the business mind. And by the ways
in the field that I'm in right now sister Holly, the the business background helped me a lot. Like for example, I am responsible for all the the fundraising in the messy, you're amazing at the final year. I usually don't enjoy fundraisers but I love your fundraisers because you soften the heart. So tell us how did your business background impact impact fundraising? Yeah, it impacted the fundraising because you know, of course it has something to do with money. So and
you have to know how to approach people because sales and in business you have to be able to make the sale and this is
also but the difference is you'll be rewarded here.
Masha Allah, well, I remember specifically one fundraiser where you said so many hard softening stories and one one sister that we know she was so moved by it that she went and she took all the shot all her jewelry, I think she was going to take it to the bank, and she just gave it all away because of all that you said so mashallah, you really have a you really have a gift
was remarkable. I mean, yes, sir. was coming, crying, and she just got married. Yes.
Another thing that helped me also in this field is that for example, when he first came, and hamdulillah our Majid always helps
me kind of
communities that are going through hardships all over the world. So I think it was Pakistan that they needed, they needed the blankets
they were getting for example, I just want to mention that they are getting the packet for $23. And I said I was let me because I have so many connections in that field. So imagine from $23 I was able to get it for $11 Salah about 2000 blankies says 20 Something
incredible, so you're being you're using those skills in a way of doing to genre but for, you know, for the author Mashallah. It helped a lot. It helped a lot when when they want to come up with a fundraising idea when we for example, as you know, people in our age and older there are when you tell them donate for a masjid mashup, but they're all quick and very generous, right? To build the gym
or gym what does that have to do with it? So you have some hard time so I came up with the tree idea and that was with the help of Allah azza wa jal was extremely successful you were able from that tree able to establish the two gyms that we have and
and it is it's incredible for those of you who haven't been to Epic you really you just feel a sense of community we had you had a conference yesterday and masala there were so many speakers who were impressed by the community and and making it a place of, you know, a place where the youth want to go and they're enjoying themselves and that's that's such a positive association to the masjid Mashallah.
The migration to our community is beyond your imagination. Every month, every first Sunday of the month, which is today's the first Sunday Yes, I stand up and I introduced a new people to the community. You will be shocked 10 to 1213 families, Ma sha Allah, masha Allah, they're gravitating they're doing I think one Imam was saying it's it's called Dallas teen or what is it Dallas tan. It is a place where people are migrating to so Masha Allah may Allah put baraka and all that you're doing for the community? You know, we find that so many people are struggling in their in their marriages and people are either getting a divorce or they're miserable in their marriage and
mashallah, you are a role model within your marriage. Allahumma Bodek and please share what you think that as a man in your is your contribution to a successful marriage.
Well, you are the teacher that
talk a lot here and there's so much we can learn from you. Thank you.
I look up to you when it comes to that and I recommend when you think
about if you asked me Subhanallah is
fewer things, but nothing is putting your spouse first.
put my wife and
or her needs before mine, which is we are taught to do that. And the rest of you guys can do extremely important thing is communication. As you know, she will not make me go to sleep until we sit down that hour.
My she's very adamant about one hour in the morning went out at night. This is minimum besides the all the others, you know, during the day, but this is a must. And I recommend
by brothers and sisters were late makes a huge difference to sit down attentively, and listen to your spouse and give them do not just sit down because you're sitting down and you're
performing. No, no, no, give full attention to that 30 minutes, 45 minutes, and show that you are very interested in what they're saying. It makes us look
nice. Yes, it creates love, it creates a harmony, it creates trust.
Another thing that really I admire is that it's not about just me doing something, it's both of us doing something, it makes both the husband and the wife in order to have a successful marriage, they have to work sacrifice they have to both give into that marriage. It's not just about one guy.
And another thing to be honest with you, one of the main thing that I noticed that will bring a successful marriage is when you are both on the same page spiritually.
And one of the main conflicts as you know more than me is that the people are, oh, you know what, I'm going 85 miles an hour in the dean. And she's only going five miles an hour and I cannot take it anymore. People in the Missoula economy share and she's not wearing the hijab.
It's very difficult. It's so you're saying this idea of being aligned spiritually having the connection that you said one hour in the morning, one hour a night mashallah, that's amazing. Some people may not be able to contribute that but even if you're doing 1020 minutes a day, right, anything, connect, right. And then and then prioritizing your spouse where you make them feel that they are important to you, you're giving them their, your your full attention, make them feel very special, you make them the Subhanallah he even though you hear all these
new books about marriage, but if you really concentrate, our beloved Prophet SAW Allah Allah, Allah Allah sunnah, mentioned these to us 1400 years ago.
Sort of five love languages. Right? Right. He's one of them as gifts, right? That will interest them tell us to her due to her book. Yes. The second one is the word of affirmation. Didn't say sell and say, I'll kill him, I'll pay you by
charity, in the field.
Sometimes speeches magic.
We just have to take these tools and apply from a religious perspective. And you will feel Subhanallah it's So imagine you're coming. Your husband coming home, and he has a day at work. For example, whether you work or not, you just happened to be there before him. And imagine that when he walks into the house.
Have you been how was just I was, I was really looking forward to seeing you come back home. hamdulillah Allah brought you back safe. Well, Allah here for how the Lord of
right. Subhan Allah, Most you? Yes, zero Subhana Allah doesn't cost you anything. It's so simple. And yet it makes such a big difference. And, and it's, you know, men don't need a extended amount of time and attention, but it's giving the time and attention at critical times. Right. So the greeting in the morning, the greeting when they come giving them that the time and attention that they require the wife, I mean, imagine that you are for example, you happen to be a housewife, and you are struggling with with the house and you're struggling or maybe you're working from home and the cooking and all that stuff. And then your husband comes home and you do not hear as you said color
iPhone, you don't hear that allow Hickey right Subhan Allah what the yaki my beloved brother, so in order to make these interviews, beneficial, beautiful light I
just applied from a religious perspective, right? We want to imitate the solar system, Let's imitate him in whatever we choose to imitate him with any other facets that I was amazed. I'm sure you know this hadith when I shall be Allah and I was asked
once I sell them at home, that easy, simple, fatty
fee men at the alley, he used his family.
My dear sister
His house is 10 feet by 10 feet,
does the wife need in 10 feet?
He does not have to vacuum everyday, or do this just every once in a while, cook something every once in a while, and maybe she comes home and she found out that you clean the dishwasher. Right? Contribute, feel that you are a part of the household you're contributing, making her load easier. And I totally agree with what you're saying as far as like it does take both individuals. Now what sometimes happens is that one party is checked out, right? There's only one that is motivated. And what I say I say that even if you're the only one working on it, make an effort, make changes in yourself, and possibly your spouse will start responding to differently. So ideally, both of you
working hard for the marriage, and even if one is checked out, don't give up. Try your best as long as it's not an abusive relationship, because I would never really you know, I would never advise anyone to stay in an abusive marriage. But if it's a workable relationship and you make changes in yourself, you may soften their heart and they may start responding positively. I agree with you 100%. Yeah. And what about when people are having challenges in their marriage? How do you advise them to bring out the best in their spouse? Or how do you defuse the problems?
Sisterhood I always start by with the relationship with Allah.
How's your relationship with Allah? Right? It's extremely important, because at the end of the day, it's a Faqir talking to a fakir.
At the end of the day, it's a poor person talking to another poor person, right? We're both sinners, we are both poor. Let's do so How is your relationship with the one who has the solution for all your problems?
So that's the my always my first question. How's your salad
80% of the time, they put their head down
this salad is called salad because of the meaning the the word Scylla Silla is the connection, right? Disconnected yourself from the source of mercy. knotted yourself from the source that can solve all your problems with conveyor could be added to it. So I want you to please work on that comeback, strengthen your relationship to Allah. So when you raise your hands in the middle of the night, yeah, Allah Allah, you will say it with confidence, because you have deposited a lot. But imagine
you keep pressing,
nothing's gonna come, by the way, does not treat us the way you treat each other.
Even though you'd love make a deposit.
Right? But I love the fact that how you're describing it as a spiritual bank account. And many times, we only go to Allah when we're in need, but to make those daily deposits, and to keep your connection with Allah, and you know, we know that Allah but they can light at nine no localu That with it with the remembrance of Allah do hearts find peace. And so when we improve our relationship with Allah, then our other relationships get better, exactly how I start after that is established, because many as you know, many people hamdulillah the relationship is good, then we will go to the next step, which is what's going on what created this, we go back to a little bit of history and ask
them And subhanAllah as you know, Sister Holly, most of the time, most of the time, it's trivial stuff. It's really S v went inside and sat down.
Real day, right having a party rating. And they realized that they were, it's a very important point. They came to Holly, they came to buy jewelry.
from other places, they came to people who are not about their deep, right? To find the solution. They can, for example, in my office to find a solution that by itself is a great, great, yes, yes, you have to give it to them. Okay, so then you will notice that they need to hear it from somewhere else. That you know, what you have is something very simple, and it can be solved handle a lot of Brian I mean, let's do this 123 Main, as you know, name few, a few things that you love about her name, if you mind them about how they fell in love from the beginning. Yes. What was his main goal is to separate as we know, and unfortunately sometimes he's successful. You're right, you're right
when you realize that the shaytaan is your enemy, and his goal is to win
A cue really to break the marriage apart. And you know, many times the shaytaan has a remote control and we are like a robot, right? And we do exactly as he tells us. So, what I always tell my clients that when the shaytaan whispers to you make it because he's whispering something to you wanting you to get into a fight and arguing. So try to do the opposite. Go and hug your spouse instead do the opposite of what the shaytaan is telling you. And then he'll start backing off because he didn't want that to happen. So inshallah we can outsmart the shaytaan.
tool of outsmarting the shaytaan. Is that you know what? If I have a fight with my wife, I'm gonna first three days. Oh, wow.
Should I be fasting
for the donation?
Okay. Then the shutdown comes, you know what, every time I push this guy, he's getting closer. That's That's great. This is great. Reverse psychology. So, alright, so if you fight with your spouse, you have to give a certain amount for donation or fast three days. I like that I think fewer people will be will be arguing in sha Allah. And so what about the struggle that people are facing with their teenagers, you find that so many parents are having a difficult time. They are not connected with them. They feel that they're leaving Islam, they're leading a life of decadence. What is your advice as far as connecting with with your children? And how important is it to walk the
talk and to have that sense of love and compassion with your children and not just to use force and and strictness?
Mr. Hardy This is
the answers of for two kinds of people.
One is easy, and one is very hard.
Is that if you started very young, exactly. How would one is when you come to us and you're 16 and
let's say that's exactly
I see that every day.
Just happened before the meeting. So if you if you are from the viewers who are watching me and you still have your 3456 even seven years old, please I beg you do not say they are still young to pray. They are still young to put that even just be around job to come with me to the message. No, no, no. A label for solid connection for hazard.
engraving and stone and saving a huge headache when they become you. As an ambulance sister, one of the most important thing that should help me and everybody who's listening to Allah is that hamdulillah Al Hamdulillah Al Hamdulillah. Allah did not make us responsible for the result. He just made it possible for the effort. Do your best and your best is different than mine. Mine is different than his. All we are required to do and requested to do is do your best. Teach them about Allah. Teach them about the deen teach them about Rasulullah sallallahu wasallam
make them connected to the Quran in a very gentle, loving, caring manner.
Like to stop there because that is so important. Many people teach many people emphasize the prayer the you know, half becoming a half as of baronne. But it's done with harshness as stung with strictness. But what you said is the key is to put the love of Allah in their hearts. When you put the love of Allah in their heart, look, for example. Yeah.
If you don't pray, you're going to hell. Yes. How about you pray? And we go hand in hand to Jana. Oh, beautiful. Yes. Same thing.
Who's this guy? I'm gonna put a five year old and what kind of god is this? You know? Or
have you been whatever you want? What do you want? You want your own toys r us you?
when you love Allah, or when you know Allah, you would love Allah and when you you will obey Allah and when you don't do anything? Yes, yes. This is the method that we have to apply with our children. Let them know who is that Rahman let them know who is Allah dude, let them
let them know what Allah subhanaw taala you know when a person from our setup from our righteous princesses was asked
if you will give them the choice
between Allah and your mother to decide your destiny on the day of judgment.
He said, I will choose Allah. Even though we all know that our mother will never throw us in the Hellfire
Allah. He said why? They asked him why? He said because Allah is the Most Merciful. Allah loves me more than my own mother.
Your mother's mercy and every mother's mercy on Earth is part of one mercy that's on Earth and Allah left 99 till the Day of Judgment Subhan Allah Subhana Allah we're in the best hands we have to have that Tawakkol have the Tawakkol on Allah and like what you said as far as just create that love and I I remember a lair haha my grandmother telling me when I was very little to stories about Jenna so much so that if someone said what gift you want, I thought what do I want with a gift? I just want to go to Jana. So it's instilling that love and and sometimes the even if the rituals are not there, because my I know my parents were not very adamant about the rituals, but because the love is there,
then you go after the rituals, but if it's this rituals without the love, it will be abandoned. Absolutely, absolutely. And you mentioned even though you put it one word, but it's extremely important. The local
word, Sister Holly, me, you and all of us we are a little bit shaky when it comes to debacle. We are a little bit behind we need some work on our guests. Unfortunately, when we make dua,
when when we ask Allah for something, sometimes we do it as if we are asking each other we forget
what's good on him is weak, even though I'll give you a quick example. I know that time is very restricted.
Who am I? Who on earth on earth when they get into the flight to travel?
Who goes to the pilot?
Yes, I would hope to ask you a few questions before we fly.
Where did you graduate from?
Yesterday? Drugs no one no one we put ourselves first someone that we have no clue who he is 30,000 feet above the ground. You're right. You have so much and loves us so much. What if maybe
we question all the time I love that yeah, that's a great analogy that we don't question we don't question the pay we don't question the surgeon we don't tell the surgeon how he needs to cut us when to cut us how to cut us but yet we are sometimes we like add up we lack etiquette when we're dealing with a law and May Allah help us to have the correct etiquette with our Creator have the Tawakkol have the trust mashallah This has been so insightful just like a law head and aside Mohammed Bonjour for your time and for your inspiration Masha Allah, may Allah reward you and your family for being a beacon of light in our community and across the globe. It was an honor to have you today just like
Hello, Hayden. I mean, you're gonna mean for all your beautiful data and sent to you and to everybody who's watching us and others mine I really appreciate that you thought of me? May Allah subhanaw taala reward you. May Allah bless you and protect you. That's all the viewers and may Allah. These are besties the last words, Leila Hey, Lola, Zack. Medical Luffy Minami Morial will have you on over and over inshallah we benefited greatly from you. And just like Allah head, we will take a short break and we will be right back.
Jobs are impacted, marriages are impacted, children are impacted communities are impacted. You have to want to know how to deal with the changes. You have to be eager to meet some successful Muslims. You can't live in this world and not be mindful of your purpose. I think we can all use some inspiration.
I'm your sister, Hala Banani trailblazers, changemakers community builders, we will meet the men and women who have left an impact on our Muslim society, the role models, the activists and the modern day heroes. This is a show where you'll meet some really interesting people, psychologists, athletes, artists and entrepreneurs, successful Muslims that are being themselves and having insightful conversation. If ever there was a time that we need faith and motivation from real people in real situations.
It's now join me live every Sunday 4pm Central midnight Mecca time on Hooda TV
Welcome back to inspirations I'm your host harlot. Banani mashallah, we had such an inspiring discussion with Assad Mohamed Bonjour. What an example of walking the talk and practicing what what you preach, it is so critical in our lives that we actually apply. Well, we are teaching and that is the way to motivate others and to inspire others you have to practice what it is that you are saying. So whether that has to do with your spouse, or with your children, start with yourself and make sure that you're applying the things that you are telling them and make sure that you connect with your spouse, you know, the relationship with your spouse is so sacred. And this is a
relationship that Allah says we're Jai Allah Beynac on my word data on what Rama Allah has put love and mercy in your marriage. And when we realize that it is our responsibility to be a source of peace and tranquility for our spouse. Now, I asked you I asked you to be very honest with yourself, are you a source of comfort for your spouse? Are you the person that your spouse will turn to when you when they are in need? Are they the are you the person that they turn to when they need some strength to be vulnerable to I mean, when you look at the example of Khadija the Allahu anha, and the Prophet sallallahu alayhi salam, they had the most beautiful and harmonious relationship when he
was at a point of the stress when he was embraced by Jabril. And he was told fri and he was in the mount of heroes. He ran, he ran out of fear, he didn't go to his the Sahaba he didn't go to his friends didn't go to any family member, he went directly to his wife because she was a source of strength and tranquility and comfort. As women if we are emotionally stable, and we can be there for our spouse, then we can provide that comfort, husband's you need to be a source of strength and comfort for your wives. You need to show the love the validation, you need to connect on a daily basis because when you connect then you're able to know one another many times people grow apart and
they feel lonely in their marriages, which leads to so many trials and tribulations make sure that on a daily basis like Assad's Mohammed buzzer was reminding us to connect on a daily basis in the morning in the evening. Make your spouse a priority. Put them first and make them feel that you value them that you connect with them. This will make a huge difference in your marriage. When you have this sense of love and this compassion the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said that the best of you is the one who is best to his wife and to his family. So let's emulate the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam in being the best. Let's start with the family. There was a example of
Stephen Covey a conference I went to and what he had are Yeah, big rocks had little rocks, he had pebbles and he had sand and we had a bottle in front of us and he said, fill this up. How can you fill up this let's say jar with all of these things and so some people started off with you know putting the pebbles others put the sand and they saw that they couldn't fit in the big stones. Now the way to do it the correct way to do it is put the big stones first. The big stones represent the priorities in your life. It is your deen your religion, your family, your children, your you know your community and your work. You put it all in first. If there is still space, then you are able to
give more so you have to start within your own home. Many times people exert themselves outside of the home whether it's at work they become workaholics where
They're they're only at the masjid and giving to the community, they come back and they're completely exhausted, nothing to give to their own families. Other times you find a woman who may be exerting themselves at work and giving all they have at work and maybe with volunteering and coming back depleted and have nothing, not even a smile to give to their family, we need to start at home, we need to prioritize them. And when we make them feel like the biggest priority, they're going to feel it, they're going to feel that love, they're going to feel that connection. So as always start with the big pieces, the big rocks. And if you have space you can do the extraneous things in sha
Allah. So I pray that Allah puts the betta cat in our lives and that we can be a role model. And walking the talk and practicing what you preach is critical in raising your children. Make sure that you are applying what you are teaching them make sure that they respect you make sure that they trust you and make sure that you're teaching your children about Islam, with love with gentleness and with kindness. You know the, in the Quran, Allah tells the Prophet Musa use gentleness when you speak to the Pharaoh. Imagine that Pharaoh was who he was claiming to be God, he was a transgressor. And yet Allah advised him to be gentle, so that he had his heart may soften. How are we dealing with
our wives, with our husbands with our children? Are we using gentleness? Are we using kindness? Are we using that sense of wisdom and if we do, we will see that their hearts will become connected to ours. If we do we will see that we become closer and if we do, we will see that the relationship is strengthened. I pray that Allah guides us all to making the right decisions to having wisdom and starting early with your children. Like Assad Muhammad buzzer said, If your children are young start now start to instill the love of Allah start to teach them about the deen little by little you cannot microwave the dean. You cannot have a crash course on the Dean when your kids are 1618 21. It
needs to be done gradually. It needs to be reinforced. It needs to be done with love and celebration, not with harshness, not with strictness. So those of you who are only focused on the rituals, the prayer the hit job, the hips, without the love and compassion, I can tell you that there will be a time they may question everything. If you have not instill the love for the deen if you have not worked on your relationship with your children, the rituals can go away. But if you work on having the rituals with the love having the rituals with a relationship, then that relationship will blossom. Not only their relationship with you, but their relationship with Allah.
So I pray that Allah blesses all of you, your relationship, your marriages, your children, and may Allah keep us all on the straight path and protects us from the weapons of the shaytaan and that we can stay at that we can improve our love for Allah and our love for the Prophet salallahu Salam on a daily basis and your Allah purify our hearts and help us to be our absolute best as aka located and for tuning in. Join us next week for another episode of inspirations to Zack allow Hayden