161 – Jumuah

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Faaik Gamieldien

Channel: Faaik Gamieldien

Episode Notes

Jumuah , 161. Nov. 11 2016

Episode Transcript

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Hi I'm Lila mahana starring in 101 movie wanna talk Hello la

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fujinami sejahtera Molina

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de la firma de la la, la la la la

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la la la la la la la sharika wanna shadow? Mohammed Abdullah Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallahu alayhi wa early was having a woman died without what he learned about blood brothers and sisters in Islam salaam aleikum wa rahmatullah wa barakato.

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Hello Hello tada fix No different Allah says locker the kernel config rasulillah. He was sweating hustler, the man cannot do la

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vida Corolla haka Tierra, allows harder, says, la Colonel la cultura su de la swattin hustler, Wally, you have in a messenger of Allah the Most Beautiful of examples. Man can i Angela, what do my

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two beautiful examples of those

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beautiful examples?

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software softer the back?

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Oh, but it is okay for you. All right.

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allows for honkala says that

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the best and most beautiful examples can be found in the Messenger of Allah subhanaw taala and these examples are taken by those women carneiro Jolla polyoma for those who look forward to the meeting with Allah.

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Allah doesn't say for those who believe in Allah, Allah says For those who look forward

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to meet allows Canada although as we follow Mohamed Salah Salaam in his example, in order for us to be able to stand in front of Allah with a smile and say I follow the example of Your Beloved Prophet Muhammad Sallallahu wasallam. What do my lashes and for those who look forward to the after, not just your afterwards should not just be another place that you're going to that you should fear? No. Yokoyama or the Acura should be a place that you look forward to, and you look forward to it because you look forward to meeting our last panel.

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So today inshallah

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I want to speak to the teenagers Mashallah I see a lot of teenagers here.

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They got gray beards but Mashallah, the eyes are still shining like teenagers. So inshallah today, we are going to address our words to the teenagers because I thought, well, I don't think these exams today, maybe they will be here.

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But maybe they'll come late inshallah.

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So, when we talk about teenagers, we generally talk about ages between proximately 12 years old and about 19 years old. I see on your faces, you recognize that age, but far away, but find in the distance, you know, those who have Alzheimer's are remembered very well. Because you remember the days you know, they're the teenager days, for some of us are just a blur. We don't know what happened, just a blur between 12 and 19.

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And when we speak about Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam being an example to all of us. And also, of course, in this context, which I'm speaking today, being an example to the teenagers,

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the teenagers will will say,

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how is it possible from Hamad salatu salam to be an example for us as teenagers? First of all, they only received Revelation the age of 14. So how is he going? The only thing that we know about him is his interaction with teenagers that certain sex a teenager came to ask him this question. Another teenager came to ask him that question. But how is he as a as Mohamed Salah Salam going to be an example for us? Number two,

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he was he was a prophet. We are just teenagers. You know, we're talking about him then he was he was a prophetic teenager. But if we're going to be teenagers, we just going to be normal teenagers.

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And when you talk about Mohammed Salah salam, they will say you talk about a man who lived in seventh century Arabia. He lived in Makkah for a while and he live into Medina. We live in Cape Town. I mean, you know, with the connection for Birmingham in New York or in London. So what is the connection with us? And how are we going to learn from the NaVi Salalah Salaam as a teenager?

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I say the discussion today will be the link between Mohamed Salah al Salam and teenager and and the teens that we call the teens

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and what is it

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Above Muhammad Sallallahu Sallam that we can learn. And parents can learn as to how to deal with teenagers.

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Because Allah father would not have said, that is an example and Allah didn't say is an example only after 14 that we allow someone that says he is an example. In Mohammed Salim you'll find the best example from the day that he was born until the day that he died.

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So

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we

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say that the Nabi Salam was born and this is normally how they used to goes, that he was born.

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And

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that he was farmed out to the desert to a woman by the name of Halima.

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salvia who breastfed him for four years.

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And then he, he had a mother Amina, and the next thing we hear about him is that he got married to

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say that una serie de la de la Khurana, it seems to be a gap in our historical facts, we'll try and shower in full, fill up those gaps today, and see what happened to him in the years, between eight years old and 25 years old.

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We will see what happened to him.

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But before we go there,

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I want to say that there are three important matters that we need to deal with when we think about our children. And for me, my grandchildren, and for many of you also your grandchildren.

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Because fortunately, unfortunately for us as grandfathers, we seem to have a much better relationship with our grandchildren, as well with our own children. Or maybe they're just my package and I'm carrying. But suddenly, I find that my relationships, my grandchildren are much more pleasant, much more interactive, much more secretive, and they share all the secrets with me as a grandfather, whereas my own children, they will be scared of me, I think maybe I was younger, and I used to use the stick a lot. So so this is also a lesson for parents, young parents and a lesson for grandfathers and grandmothers. There are three things you must keep in mind when we deal with in the

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way that we treat children is very important. These are very important matters. Because these three matters if they're not looked after they will surface later in the life of that child.

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The first is love. And we're not talking about romantic love. We talking about that love which emanates only from a parent to a child, and from a child who appeared. Nobody can provide that love except the parent. And nobody can give love to a parent as a child give love to a parent. And I always say to my children, that the only two people who will love you unconditionally for your life is your mother and your father. They want nothing from you, but they will love you. They the only two people don't think your wife loves you. As much as your mother loves you can never happen. Because tomorrow you die that dead woman takes another husband, he loves you maybe more than what

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she loves you. But your mother and your father will always love you and they love you unconditionally.

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This is a fact there may be some stray parents here and they don't love their children but we're not talking about them. The second thing is respect.

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And you're not talking about the respect of the parents for the pay for of the children for the parents because that is the normal thing we talk about with respect your parents was a trick your mom, spec your dad respect elders, no yeah, we talk about the respect of the parents for the children.

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Because remember, you are the murderer, the way you treat them, and respectful manner in which you treat them they will treat their children and they will treat their spouses and they will treat their friends and their neighbors and whoever they play football and rugby will they will they live a respectful relationship. And the third thing is belief.

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Now you say believe but I can believe be part of the prophets of Salaam teenager Yes, but do we not talk about belief in a god or belief in the religious sense? We are talking about having belief in a person and how do we express our belief in in people in a particularly we speak about teenagers, and generally our children.

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Now as I said, professor was born.

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He his father died when he was in the womb of his mom. Abdullah died when he was not even born yet. And when he was born

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for four years, he was sent to the bad idea to the desert with Halima to learn the desert ways and also more importantly, the reason they save them to the desert was for them to learn the pure Arabic language.

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slightly change your child to learn Afrikaans in Bradesco if you really want him to speak good Africa, not Athlone.

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Because after he was like NACA, that time, the Arabic They spoke in Makkah was not the same as the Arabic They spoke in the body or in the desert. So it will learn the pure classical Arabic.

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And when he came back from Halima,

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his mother only had him

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with her for about maybe two years.

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Because remember, she died when he was a, he was an orphan. He was an orphan when his dad died, and then his mother died. And we seem to think that

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and she decided she was never going to get married again. She never married again, she remained the same, although at the time, the custom in amongst the Adams was that a widow, and the divorce was married almost immediately. That was a custom. There were no widows, no divorces in the community at that time in Makkah, why, because it was impossible for a woman to survive alone. A woman needed a man to look after her. But she had made the conscious decision that she was not going to marry again. And you may say, Well, she must have been a very mature woman, big woman, so forth and so on. Maybe very intelligent woman.

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And then a very intelligent not to get married again, but be that as a man, you may think well, but she was only 19 years old when he was born. So she was also just a teenager.

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And of course, her husband already passed away when the Navy Salam was born. So she was already a widow at the age of 19. So she had to have made that that conscious decision, say that she was not going to she was not going to marry again. As you can read. In dibny Sharma I'm sure most of you have read it, Misha, you have Indonesia, or you tend to get amnesia now that I've mentioned that. That's one of the most extensive history, written, recorded history of Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wasallam.

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So what do we see? We see a young boy at

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the age of eight years old,

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who has no siblings? He has no brothers. There is no sisters.

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is no father.

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mother never married again. So there's no stepfather.

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So it was only him and his mother in the home.

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And fortunately for the babies of Sarah's Mom, what was the name?

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Amina. She didn't have to go to work. Because Hamas, Hassan's grandfather, Abdulmutallab was a very rich man. And he looked after them, he cared for them. So it means that an Ibiza Salamat the undivided attention of his mom at a very young age, undivided attention, no siblings, no other husband, no dead, nobody else except him and his mom living in the same house.

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And it means that she could provide to him quality time and quantity time. Because there are two kinds of times there's quality time, which will always speak about you know, you must give your children quality time. But quality time is like a it's like a like a sugar lolly. You know, you suck it up in five minutes in the garden. So we will say yeah, this is my quality time, you know, between seven and eight o'clock at night. That's my quality time with my children I worked the whole day was fine five to six, or Saturdays or Sundays. That's a quality time, fathers paid able to say that. But that is not a word that has come out of a Muslim mother's mouth, whose father was a Muslim man

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values, the future and lives of his children.

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Quantity time is the full time occupation that a wife has a mother has to look after her child. And you will see when you interact with people who live in a home where the mother was present all the time. But the Father, the mother, and you look at children raised in a home where the mother was not praised. And I'm not saying it's all always like this. But there is a difference between these two children and the way they grew up. And it can be taken back to the prophetic example in the prophetic example was that the Prophet lived in a home where his mother was always present.

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Today you read

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so she had noticed sections when she looked at them when she played with him when she locked with them. She had them and she cuddle them. There were no distractions. There's no TV. There's nothing

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coming home from work, there was no food to be made. There's no has to be clean. Everything was looked after she gave attention fully to this little boy called Mohammad sallallahu alayhi wasallam. Today, we read parenting books, books on parenting, and literature on parenting, you'll find that

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they, the author's always talk about this quality time and quantity, time, quantity time is the time that you spend with your child at a very young age. And children need this only a very young age, when they get to seven, eight. Fine, then you've made them made them the personalities are made, personalities are formed, the sense of love is formed, the sense of relationship is formed in a child.

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Therefore, between the age of one and seven is the most important time in any child's life. one to seven,

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always insisted on my daughter's not to work between the ages of one and seven, Mary America did lose look after you and your children between the ages of one and seven. It's a very, very important age.

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And so quantity time is the time that you spend with your child, the mother things with a child in the kitchen, she takes him work for her work, shopping, she takes the child worth because you see you can't just say one hour quality time at night because the child during the day goes through various moods and swings and so forth and so on. And the child needs to have the mother's day in all these phases that he goes through every day of his life until probably the age of seven.

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So she provided continuous care attention to Mohamed Salah Salah. Now I'm not saying that now that you've heard this goodbye gonna go home and tell you what to quit a job. Now I'm not saying that if it's if it's absolutely essential for you to work because you have to pay the bills, fine. But

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we should also think as young people or maybe not married yet.

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That if you're going to get bad, you'll set yourself a knee and intention. Don't think I'm going to marry a woman who's also working to have two incomes. Don't think like that you shouldn't think like that. Now, you should think about you are the provider, husband should be the provider. And if the woman marries you, she must understand that this is how much you earn. And this is how much you can provide for her. You don't turn around and say, well, you're a lawyer. I'm an accountant. So now we put our salaries together. We're going to buy a house in rondebosch. What about the children? So what happens? No children for the first five, six years, they don't have to nevermind having

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children. They don't have children at all, they delay the most important question. Now visa Salam is going to be proud of us in the f3 ama, he's only going to be proud of this oma for wanting that we had lots and lots of children, that we grew his own exponentially. There is a pride that he's going to have in this oma

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and fathers and mothers should encourage the children from the time they're small. They said, when they sit at the table, he just comes out on top of the table. These are the things you should tell them, you get married must be at home with your children. And the son must be told you look after your wife and children. Before you get married. You say, look, I only earn five grand a month. That's my earnings. But you must get home to look after my children. I was going to have children. The intention of marriage is to have children not to accumulate or to have a big house. Because big houses

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need love. A big house without love and without kids is not a house. But can have a home is that

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maybe a house of bricks that is not the home.

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So that was the love that Mohammed Salam ra salatu salam received from his brother Ahmed.

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So as I say to you the normal way that we tell the stories who say he was an orphan, in the home of his mom, then, for four years, he was with Halima. For two years he was with his mom, two years only of his whole life is his mother. And then

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after that is our gap. And we say now he gets married 25

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what happens between eight years old and 25 years old? Where was he? Of course, we know that he was first adopted by his grandfather, Abdulmutallab. And then when he passed away, it was adopted by his uncle Abu Talib,

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and need to have both been so when his mother died, where was the woman in his life? Was he the other woman in his life?

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Was he now bereft of the love of a woman from the age of eight is about 17 years from the age of 25. Who was the woman in his life who was the mother figure in his life that allows him to provide for the mother figure. Is it important to him to ever had a mother figure

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and who was his mother figure in the

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You know,

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what was the name? So there was a mother figure she had a name

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that he spent 17 years with

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that acted like its own mom to him

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more or less 17 years.

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She was his wife,

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his wife, obviously, because he lived in the home of the father who have body and of course are matale by the way, the demos, Fatima, Fatima was the name. And it is said that that is why when he is first child was born, he gave a name.

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No, became one of his daughter's name Fatima and he gave her a name after his aunt, who was married to him.

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So he had this man and and there was a there was a very close relationship between him and his aunt, so much so that she accepted Islam.

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After butadiene death, she made hegira to Medina with an evisa Salah.

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And because she was at his mother, she lived with Ali in Medina. And when Ali married 40 mother daughter, Mohammed Salah, they went out three living in the house of Ali Ali act to Fatima in his house, his mom fought in Ebony, Fatima, the the wife of of these, of course, his mother, and Fatima, his his wife, to three people living in the house of Allah. And you know, there's always jokes about mother in law and daughter in law.

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But we receive in even a sham of the relationship which leads to Fatima said, the daughter in law and the mother in law after the mother in law was the looked after the father of the daughter in law, Humberto lawless Ella is a very close relationship, free loving relationship. In fact, when she died,

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Fatima been been the acid when she died, the prophets of Salaam for the first time,

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got into the grave, put down in the grave and made the offer in the grave which I had never done for any other person.

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And the Sahaba asked him why they do it. And he said this was the woman who after my mother loved me the most said she loved me the most. So then Ibiza sort of grew up in a very loving environment. And he said that when the Navy when when we're Abdulmutallab the grandfather of Navy solemn Well, of course loved him two weeks before he passed away. He gave the Navy solid to his son Abu Halima so many times, but he chose obatala to look after the Navy sofala not because he respected the Navy savasana because he wasn't he wasn't a prophet yet. But because of the respect for both because I thought he was a very highly respected man in Medina society. This despite the fact that at the

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time, money was defined your respectability in in McLean society at the time. He was a poor man. He had lots of children, but he was a highly respected man in society. And so Abdulmutallab gave the little Mohammed the boy to Abu Talib to look after, despite his poverty.

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So the

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Navy so solemn then

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there was this

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atmosphere that the Navy grew in was always a woman, looking after him. And then of course, at the age of 25, he married Khadija la de la Plata. And the love between the two of them is legendary. I mean books and books have been written on that relationship.

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So when we talk about love, we talk about this kind of kind of love.

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And they must have been times when there was tough love, and all kinds of love in every home this these kinds of love, this tough love, this romantic love. There's all kinds of love, you know, and the mixture of this makes Mexico and I always tell people that I speak to

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that.

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Sometimes

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we are told to not

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express negativity and discord in front of our children.

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We are told not to argue in front of our children.

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We're told not to be nasty to each other in front of our children.

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Your parents will say we have an argument with your wife. Go into the bedroom and close the door.

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As if that will stop the children from listening and hearing what was going on, you're not going to talk softly to wipe inside the shower even louder. So they can hear any case, what you're going to say.

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I think you know you, there's a respectful way of having an argument with your wife or your husband. They are respectful ways of doing everything. You don't have to use swear words. You don't have to use big words, you can maybe raise your voice, and she can, but you don't have to, you could have an argument in front of your children.

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Why must you have it in front of your children? This equation you say, but why must you have Why must you walk in front of children? Why?

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Because more important than the argument that you have in front of the children is your children must see how you make up after the argument. That's the most important part

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that my mom and dad just had such a hell of argument that assault in the food over the second was enough to Moses on the table on the first night of, of Ramadan, or she went to spend some money which he wasn't supposed to spend when he came home late. Or he looked at some other woman with a smile, and we shouldn't have done until the inner and it boils up into a tremendous argument. Children must must must see this, and they must see how you argue. And then they must see how you love each other again the next day.

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That's the important part.

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When they have an argument, the wife they don't go to the mall to have a toddler. They say no, my parents argued like he double L.

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But the next day or two days afterwards, is one over.

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That is a home, everything happens inside open inside a room inside the home. Everything happens inside the home, in everything must be an example a good example for the children to follow.

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When you know day to day.

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So the second thing then is is respect.

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and respect is different from love. Sometimes you love somebody, but you don't respect that person. Sometimes you respect somebody, but you don't love that person. So yeah, we talked about

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we talked about respect

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and, and what that respect mean for your child. What does respect mean for your teenager, particularly.

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The first requirement of respect of a parent for the child is that a parent must listen. parents must listen to the child. The first requirement

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respecting your child means respecting what he has in his mind and what comes out of his mouth. Doesn't matter what if he wants to go to the pub, you talking about the pub? He was talking about the girl at school. He's five. He's five years old. He's in pre nursery, he comes to talk to you about master the whole day talks about Martha or he talks about Arthur or he talks about and he says he loves this girl and the girl is on it. And you go to the preschool

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maybe half a meter tall. And what do you tell you know your children? You know, no, no, no. Listen to you children.

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Listen, listen to him out. Don't say doesn't do that. It doesn't doesn't haraam that no, no, no, listen. First listen.

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Who else must they talk to they know gonna talk to you? Who else wants to talk to somebody else? You want him to talk to you.

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We must learn to separate our child from what he says.

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You know,

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because what a child does and what the child says can go away, but the child will remain as he is.

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So he must always respect the human being. challenge the human being. It's your child, respect the child.

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And listen to the child, give an ear to the child and don't judge the child before the child has finished. Don't say no, you mustn't do that. And, you know, these white small girls at your school you know, your mother didn't adequately play with the Muslim girls, you know play with a Muslim boys.

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totally confused. He doesn't understand what you mean. To him a child as a child. He doesn't see a Muslim child at school or a Christian challenge. He just sees a job, which is blonde, whether she's got short hair, whether she's felt doesn't matter to spray. He likes to play with you.

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Even if it's a black char, so don't tell him you don't play with the black children. People say that.

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So,

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children when they want to share things that they've done, which they think was wrong, they are vulnerable. They don't want to share, especially teenagers.

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So your subcommittee at school

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When he wants to tell somebody about them,

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and he feels that maybe he can tell his grandfather, they can tell me fine, I will listen to it.

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But he wants to talk to you enough to know that he can speak to you about them. Very important.

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And don't judge him judge the action, which he did. Don't ask you, you're gonna go to john. No, tell him what he did was wrong. Not he is wrong. And he is this and he is that and he your mother's family's like that. And, you know,

00:30:38--> 00:30:39

and I don't want you to become like that.

00:30:41--> 00:30:47

champions. What does this got to do with the fact that I did something wrong? What's my mother got to do with it? What's your family got to do with it?

00:30:48--> 00:30:57

So it's very important that you listen to your child. I mean, none of us have Alyssa salon. He shaved his head. He told his father you know,

00:30:58--> 00:31:01

I saw 11 stars and I saw the moon making sure to meet

00:31:04--> 00:31:14

his father didn't laugh at him and say, yeah, children. Children dream about all kinds of things. Yeah, my child you know, tonight I betcha for you before you go to sleep. You don't have these these bad dreams you

00:31:16--> 00:31:25

can the child outputting chips so child brings about some bad stuff and he tells you gotta remember, you know, did you recite your Shahada when you sleep last?

00:31:27--> 00:31:31

Dream is not within his power. He can't know what is drugs and what he doesn't read.

00:31:33--> 00:31:47

So we don't condemn the person, we condemn the action of the person. And we should have this list the line never condemn people condemned what they do say what they do is wrong, what they believe is wrong or this is wrong. But don't say there's something wrong with them. Are they bad? Are they this or that? No.

00:31:49--> 00:31:58

Don't say you're disgusting, whatever. Um, I disagree a lot with a lot of people in what they believe in, but I never condemn them and say, This is what they believe. I disagree with this. You shouldn't do this. This is wrong.

00:32:02--> 00:32:05

But the Navy doesn't have the courage. They worship idols.

00:32:06--> 00:32:11

But he treated them like human beings. So the day they embrace Islam, there was no love lost between them.

00:32:13--> 00:32:14

presented in like Trump treats

00:32:16--> 00:32:25

the Americans or the women in America or Muslims or the wants to come there? No. But it's also everybody with respect as human beings must treat him with respect.

00:32:28--> 00:32:30

So always hate that which is wrong.

00:32:31--> 00:32:33

Never hate the one who does the wrong.

00:32:34--> 00:32:41

Right or wrong. to target something wrong. We talked to him about what he did. Don't tell him JC please.

00:32:44--> 00:32:56

Cortana Cortana do you tell him what he did was wrong. This is my child. You did this wrong. It's about this What is wrong with you? You're wrong. This is wrong. Chaka Khan, Allah

00:32:58--> 00:33:05

allows our Creator you perfect Allah. Allah loves everybody. So you can't condemn the person who was condemned what he did.

00:33:06--> 00:33:08

You hate the sin, but he forgives the sinner.

00:33:09--> 00:33:26

And our job is to cure the disease not to kill the patient. Many times what do we do is you want to kill the patient. The patient is only you know, he maybe that's a bit too young to say, don't have anything to do with this man. You know, he's got a disease, so you should kill him. No, kill the disease. Leave him alone. He's fine.

00:33:39--> 00:33:46

The Nanny sauce alimony grew up. It's an example of our use treated by his grandfather and by his uncle and by many other people around him.

00:33:48--> 00:33:54

As a boy, he was always told by his mom maybe didn't understand it at the time, but his grandfather certainly told him that.

00:33:56--> 00:33:58

You found the people used to say this boy.

00:34:00--> 00:34:04

Say akula who shot this boy will have a great future.

00:34:07--> 00:34:18

And his uncle Abu Talib, when he lived with him always told always tell people that this boy Mohammed will have a great future. They dive in revenue is going to be a profit. Of course, the only man that may have known he was going to be a prophet was

00:34:21--> 00:34:22

by the monk.

00:34:24--> 00:34:30

He also said they use exactly the same words say Kunal OSHA, you will have this boy will ever will have a great future.

00:34:32--> 00:34:35

And none of them long lived long enough to see

00:34:37--> 00:34:41

the uniqueness of the character of Mohamed Salah lorrison.

00:34:42--> 00:34:45

But people who live with him believed in him.

00:34:48--> 00:35:00

they genuinely believed in him as a person. And so when we look at our children, women genuinely believe in the

00:35:00--> 00:35:02

Talent which they which Allah has placed in them.

00:35:05--> 00:35:08

And that which has inside them, which you can nurture.

00:35:09--> 00:35:22

And not only nurtured in one of your children, but nurtured in all of your children, sometimes, you know, we have three children or four children, one of them is more intelligent than the, the other three, and what we always say,

00:35:24--> 00:35:32

you are going to be the doctor, you're going to be the doctor, he's going to be the doctor, you know, you guys, you know, they are maybe he can be a cop, and he likes to play with tools, you know?

00:35:33--> 00:35:46

No, you should never do that, when you talk to all your children was talked to them as if they completely equal and can perform equally in anything which they're going to do. So never say he's a clever one or two other children feel.

00:35:47--> 00:35:49

And sometimes it swaps around.

00:35:50--> 00:35:56

Sometimes the one that you think becomes a doctor doesn't become the doctor, and the one you thought was stupid,

00:35:57--> 00:35:58

he becomes a doctor.

00:36:00--> 00:36:02

I'm not going to tell you my personal experience for that. But

00:36:04--> 00:36:05

be that as it may.

00:36:08--> 00:36:11

And when you say good things, your children

00:36:12--> 00:36:14

no matter the intellectual challenge,

00:36:16--> 00:36:31

you may be doing what is called a self fulfilling prophecy, if you always tell your child going to be a doctor eventually is going to be a doctor, that and sometimes, or if you tell a child, you're going to be a chef, eventually, maybe is going to be a chef. And maybe the doctor will be the second the chef will be the doctor.

00:36:32--> 00:36:53

But those are the standards that you sit within your home around your table. And that is based only on love and respect. Now that is the teacher teenager inside the home. What about the teenager outside the home, there are many challenges. And I'm going to talk about only two of the challenges that face our teenagers outside the home today. And

00:36:55--> 00:36:59

thirdly, the challenges also faced by Muhammad Sallallahu Sallam as a teenager.

00:37:02--> 00:37:07

Now, there are many challenges, which which many teenagers have and I'm going to talk about just about two, one is peer pressure.

00:37:11--> 00:37:14

Peer pressure means the kind of friends he or she has.

00:37:16--> 00:37:17

And number two,

00:37:19--> 00:37:22

the attraction to the opposite sex.

00:37:24--> 00:37:25

For the boys or girls,

00:37:26--> 00:37:28

all teenagers are exposed to this.

00:37:30--> 00:37:36

When they 10 years old, they tell their parents we never going to get married. You hear that from your grandchildren.

00:37:37--> 00:37:38

I'm never going to get married.

00:37:39--> 00:37:46

Your childhoods are never going to get everybody says that. And when they need to eat the egg, they will eat the 14th and the 15th

00:37:47--> 00:37:48

when things start changing,

00:37:50--> 00:37:53

so then I was faced with the same things.

00:37:55--> 00:37:58

He was also attracted to the opposite sex.

00:38:00--> 00:38:03

And he was remember monka at the time when he was a teenager

00:38:04--> 00:38:06

was a very bad place

00:38:07--> 00:38:08

to be.

00:38:10--> 00:38:43

It was like New York is today or maybe terrorists who maybe London, maybe Cape Town, very cosmopolitan, cosmopolitan city. It was a city of it was a trading post. Lots of people came there all the time. They came for poultry meats, they came to Macau, they came to worship they came to do some a lot of foreigners came in all the time from all over the Arabian Peninsula. Why and was there was nothing wrong with a women. A woman could take as many husbands as she wanted. And a man could take as many words as he want,

00:38:44--> 00:38:59

but of licentious situation. But that was the time in which he lived. And he was a teenager at that time. And the teenagers at the time of the Nabisco sanlam at parties. And then I'd be talking about to two times that he wanted to go to a party.

00:39:01--> 00:39:03

And I can imagine what those parties must have been like.

00:39:05--> 00:39:13

Until the first time we were in the Navy. So someone described it even a sham describes it as assumptions. The first time he went to the party was on the way to the party fell asleep.

00:39:15--> 00:39:16

And you only woke up the next morning.

00:39:18--> 00:39:23

But he really wanted to go to a party. He was a young man like a badass. He wasn't a prophet yet.

00:39:26--> 00:39:29

And he said the next night he said, No, no, tonight, I'm gonna go to the party.

00:39:30--> 00:39:35

And he went the next night. And again, he fell asleep throughout the way. And again, he woke up when the sun came up.

00:39:37--> 00:39:38

And then he realized

00:39:40--> 00:39:50

he was now this was twice it happened twice. He didn't happen. And maybe it wasn't meant for him. And he didn't know again, because a lot farmer was intervening.

00:39:51--> 00:39:53

And the second one was

00:39:55--> 00:39:56

peer pressure.

00:39:58--> 00:39:59

Now I was at school

00:40:00--> 00:40:10

As a primary school high school and I know about the population I know about the smoking that starts it's then senate six I think now senate starts even in senate five

00:40:12--> 00:40:15

and the girlfriends and everything else you know

00:40:16--> 00:40:17

a lot of pressure

00:40:18--> 00:40:19

is put on

00:40:21--> 00:40:33

on young people young girls and young boys and then maybe softball of course was under Krishna Salam explains by himself and his me tell the story himself. He says he was playing with his friends in the desert.

00:40:34--> 00:40:43

But they're also supposed to carry some stones to supplies they will ask to and when they when they used to carry stones used to carry on their shoulder

00:40:44--> 00:41:00

told us to carry the stones maybe helping to build something used to help the parents so is to carry this stood on the shoulders. And the one thing is to do is because as shown stone is the sharp edge, these two remove these are these two a two piece of cloth?

00:41:01--> 00:41:04

The what is the top?

00:41:13--> 00:41:17

Correct, Camille and Isa is our is the one day you turn around your bottom.

00:41:19--> 00:41:22

And what do you say to take these off completely

00:41:23--> 00:41:28

tied up into little bundle pulls on the shoulder carrier. This was no

00:41:29--> 00:41:36

of course, there was no underwear at the time. So obviously when they took these are off these young boys all naked from the from the waist down.

00:41:39--> 00:41:51

And he didn't want really wanted to do it. But you know peer pressure was wrong. But there was nothing wrong with the society except that, you know, people made women and men made the walk around the bay to LA completely naked.

00:41:54--> 00:42:01

Even in evaluated in a state of drunkenness, completely naked to walk around the camp. So this was the kind of society in which he lived. That'd be the norm.

00:42:02--> 00:42:16

And then it was visited, we are the peer pressure he decided while you know, all the boys are going to take off these as my take of my dad as well. Just basic, basic tenets of Islam. He tells the story, he says he felt somebody he did

00:42:17--> 00:42:25

very hard on his cheek, like somebody punched him. And it was so tiny. And somebody say to him,

00:42:26--> 00:42:27

in fact,

00:42:29--> 00:43:01

somebody said to him in falaka, Zara he said a voice he had a voice at Mohammed cover your nakedness cover your nakedness. Suit himself. The pain was the the pain was he said the pain was quite severe. And of course from that day, allows her divine intervention that he kept, these are tightly woven around his waist. So there was peer pressure. But it showed that you don't have to give in to peer pressure, even though it was acceptable peer pressure, even if the result was acceptable.

00:43:02--> 00:43:06

But today, I mean, we have Calvin Klein, underwear is it.

00:43:07--> 00:43:11

People were all kinds of brand names even in the underwear.

00:43:12--> 00:43:28

But that doesn't mean now that we've worked out a plan underway, the peer pressure must be of such a nature that you now wear it. So when you bend over, people can see Calvin Klein sticking out between your pants and your T shirt. That's not acceptable.

00:43:29--> 00:43:32

And that's something which you shouldn't be doing.

00:43:34--> 00:43:36

There is a limit to peer pressure

00:43:38--> 00:43:43

limit which Sharia lays down. So we see them.

00:43:44--> 00:43:50

That is examples for teenagers, even in the life of the nervous system as a teenager not as a prophet

00:43:52--> 00:43:58

that he didn't succumb to all the pressures that was put on him in that kind of society. We know that he never drank.

00:44:00--> 00:44:01

Despite that,

00:44:02--> 00:44:09

some of his most of his best friends, right? Although he was loved to drink.

00:44:12--> 00:44:15

But he never went back and never drank. Many of them didn't.

00:44:17--> 00:44:22

As young men, so it shows that as young people, we don't have to succumb to the pressure.

00:44:30--> 00:44:32

I said that we need to listen to our children

00:44:33--> 00:44:36

and justice elders, we also need to listen

00:44:37--> 00:44:40

to people when they come to us and they come and talk to us.

00:44:41--> 00:44:59

And when President comes to you and talks to you about something which is very which he feels very vulnerable about. People have very deep issues. And sometimes you're a friend, so they want to come and talk to you about the issues and they feel that they can change with you. They feel that you will not have the vulnerability. And all of us have those secrets.

00:45:00--> 00:45:00

All of us.

00:45:02--> 00:45:09

There's not a single person in this dimension today who can tell me that he hasn't got something that he really wants to speak about, but he's never spoken about it.

00:45:10--> 00:45:25

And maybe the day when he lies in his death, he will say to somebody who's all human beings. We all have our secrets, our sins that we make, things that we've done if you want to talk, don't want to talk to anybody about and so there was this young man in Medina who came to the Nerys or Salam

00:45:26--> 00:45:27

ra Serato Salaam.

00:45:28--> 00:45:29

And he had a wish.

00:45:30--> 00:45:32

He had a desire.

00:45:33--> 00:45:41

His desire was he wanted to come to ask in Ibiza Salaam permission, he was a teenager to come and Xena the Hello Allah Kuta 11.

00:45:43--> 00:45:54

Something that he found very, he wanted to do it. He wasn't married, he was young. But he thought maybe there was going to be some dispensation for him. From the owner, he said

00:45:56--> 00:46:04

that he could, but the important thing was he could he actually, the relationship that he had with the people of

00:46:06--> 00:46:35

the Muslims was such that they could come and ask him about anything. supanova look at what you ask your father even you never say today, can I go? Hon Allah Oto mother well, even to your friend. But yet this young man had not the courage he felt quite comfortable to say. So Allah, please, can you give me permission? I'm a young man. I haven't married, can I go and have

00:46:36--> 00:46:38

whatever you want to resist?

00:46:40--> 00:46:43

So what do you think the Navy saddam said to him? You

00:46:45--> 00:46:46

know,

00:46:47--> 00:46:56

the crime which is punishable by death in Islam, you come to ask him to commit this crime. It shows you that this young man knew that it was

00:46:57--> 00:47:15

not Haram. If he, if he knew it was it was not permission from the Navy sofa would have just gone to do it. But he knew it was hot off, he knew that he shouldn't do it. But he thought maybe his relationship with the Navy was such that he could ask him and maybe there was some dispensation for him. So that is a sort of looked at him.

00:47:18--> 00:47:27

He was like somebody coming to you. Maybe you've heard of an outline, you know, people go and outline, you know, you sit there the whole night and people phone. So somebody phoned you and says, I want to commit suicide.

00:47:30--> 00:47:41

So what do you say to the person on the other side of the line? If you're in a bad mood, and about three o'clock in the morning, you'll say, so you want to commit suicide to go into suicide? I mean, what's your problem? Go?

00:47:43--> 00:47:44

Trouble other people who want to commit suicide.

00:47:45--> 00:47:48

But that person is furthering it, because that person

00:47:50--> 00:47:59

believes that you will be treated with such confidentiality, that if you overcome the suicide thing, that nobody will know that you wanted to commit suicide.

00:48:00--> 00:48:06

And so this young man ranges and art in the kitchen, knowing that nobody will know that ever asked this question to the Navy.

00:48:08--> 00:48:11

And that is a relationship a child has with his parents.

00:48:13--> 00:48:16

When we gave them the act, but not the person,

00:48:17--> 00:48:19

because the act can be corrected.

00:48:20--> 00:48:27

Always and it's always terrible for the act. Remember that? So don't condemn the person. So that is a follow up, say to him.

00:48:29--> 00:48:30

Tell me.

00:48:32--> 00:48:36

Would you want somebody to do this to your mother that you want to do to submit?

00:48:37--> 00:48:42

Who do you want somebody to to have sex with your mom? And he's not your father?

00:48:44--> 00:48:47

He said no. Would you like somebody to do this to your sister?

00:48:49--> 00:48:57

said no. Would you like somebody to do this to do your art? Do your father's sister to mother system? You said no.

00:48:58--> 00:49:03

So what wasn't trying to do to him, the nannies or someone was trying to give him

00:49:04--> 00:49:20

what the Navy had the sponge said he got nobody wanted to give him a make it a self punching mechanism, mechanism we can punch himself that he wanted to do. How can I do this? This is somebody else's daughter. This may be somebody else's mother.

00:49:21--> 00:49:22

This is somebody else's sister.

00:49:24--> 00:49:56

Would I want somebody to do this to my sister? Or my wife? Or my daughter? So Pamela? No, I can't. So let me say Salaam gaming all these mechanisms by which he would himself realize and he said from that days, and then What didn't I be doing it was really God. That'd be put his head on his chest like that. And it made for him and he left. And for the rest of his life. He used to tell the other companions that I there was no crime that I hated so much as the crime of zero that I never committed in my life.

00:49:58--> 00:49:59

And this is an example

00:50:00--> 00:50:03

of the way that these are seldom listened.

00:50:06--> 00:50:10

And these are the kinds of people that we should have in this community where people could go to.

00:50:12--> 00:50:17

That's why I suppose people make minorities as a psychologist and psychiatrist, they deal with this.

00:50:19--> 00:50:24

But these are very important people in communities. So the Nabi sallallahu, wasallam.

00:50:26--> 00:50:41

Created in this young man what is called conscious awareness, because sometimes you tell somebody, you know, would you like somebody to do this, your brother and he says, Well, my mother's done Muslim, and my mother's a bad one already. So don't give me that example, by sisters. Oh, my God, don't even talk about them. So you know, if I should.

00:50:43--> 00:50:47

But what the Nafisa Salaam was, what we should do is to try and

00:50:49--> 00:50:53

create a consciousness in our children, make them a way.

00:50:56--> 00:51:04

And as awareness doesn't start with the teenagers, it starts with a small, it's very important that Table Talk also talks about sex.

00:51:06--> 00:51:14

We want our children to get all their sex education by their friends and from the internet. And when they do something, I will say

00:51:19--> 00:51:44

what happened, because I never spoke to my, my daughter, I never spoke to my son, I never say to them, that six is allowed only within marriage. I never say to them, my son, the day that you feel you want to sleep with a woman, you come to me and I will marry you doesn't matter what your age is, I will help you.

00:51:48--> 00:52:15

This is the kind of conversation you must have with your children. Every person has reaches a stage in their life when they want to be with another person in a sexual relationship. Whether it's your son or your daughter, we can't ignore that, that reality. But we need to tell them. When that comes, when they come, you come to me and say to me, that Sorry, man, I can't keep it anymore, I think I'm gonna flip you know, I need to have a woman Fine.

00:52:17--> 00:52:18

Then get married,

00:52:20--> 00:52:40

find somebody and get married and come doesn't matter how old you are, doesn't matter. If you're not earning any money doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. What matters is that these are the rules and regulations of this home. And I want these rules to be transferred to your home, and then in turn to the to the other home.

00:52:41--> 00:53:00

So I think you know, the best thing, the best practice of our forefathers, one of the best practices, you know, this practice in, in in accountancy, and all kinds of stuff, this practice was that when you can marry the next morning, your mother and your arm come to get your wife out of the bed.

00:53:02--> 00:53:20

This practice, it's upon Allah, I now see that that was the best thing that could happen. Because that would secure that your girls would say to the prospective husbands by mother and my aunt, to come and fetch me out of that bed the next morning.

00:53:23--> 00:53:27

And I want to be them to be proud of me at that time.

00:53:29--> 00:53:30

It happened to me.

00:53:31--> 00:53:33

So many, but it was a good thing.

00:53:35--> 00:53:37

But what happens if that doesn't happen?

00:53:38--> 00:53:53

What happens is they have a license now. because nobody's gonna know who's gonna know. Nobody's gonna know. You go to Mauritius or anemone. You go to Nigeria, we just go to Bucharest, in hotels in Cape Town. You know, on the waterfront. Nobody knows.

00:53:54--> 00:54:03

Because today you have condoms. You have abortions. You have so many things that can happen to your beautiful daughters in the hijab. 24. Seven.

00:54:04--> 00:54:13

You don't know. Within 24 seven, you don't know how you're going to know is if you tell your daughter, remember? Then you get married.

00:54:15--> 00:54:20

your honeymoon starts the next day. That day. You are at home.

00:54:22--> 00:54:25

The following day you go to your house, but that day, yeah.

00:54:27--> 00:54:30

And that the next morning that is going to happen.

00:54:31--> 00:54:33

Is you so noproject

00:54:37--> 00:54:38

what am I trying to say?

00:54:39--> 00:54:46

I'm trying to say that these are things that expresses the love of the parent for the child and protects the child at the same time.

00:54:48--> 00:54:54

I know to take it back 30 years is difficult. But if you start with the children when they're dead, that's more

00:54:56--> 00:54:59

and you print it in their minds that our parents did to us.

00:55:00--> 00:55:40

inshallah maybe when they reach adulthood, that idea will remain with them. inshallah, because that's what we want. We want a community that is a moral community more than anything else. We want to protect our daughters and our sons. We want him to start life on a good footing in the eyes of Allah not with a house and a car when they know on a good moral footing so we are lost on Isola give that we learn we learn from the example of the Navy salah and we have an open relationship with the children will love Allah. salaam aleikum wa rahmatullah.