Edris Khamissa – Tap into your potential – 14.11.2013

Edris Khamissa
AI: Summary © The speakers discuss the importance of acknowledging the negative impact of parenting children in disagreements and the need for effective communication and social media presence to avoid violence. They emphasize the importance of networking and sharing knowledge to avoid damaging relationships and emphasize the need for a balanced life and a focus on one's purpose. The importance of role models and the use of positive attributes in shaping behavior is emphasized. The importance of learning to forgive and share knowledge is also emphasized. The Giving the Giving the Giving Foundation is mentioned as a gift for those interested in helping others.
AI: Transcript ©
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Eight minutes update evon Assalamu alaykum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh

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Welcome to America on radio Islam International. It is Thursday morning and inshallah has is looking forward to an interesting program and sort of a reunion with my good friend brother. Idris camisa insha Allah Hafiz will be speaking to him in just a few minutes. And we'll be looking at the social issues as well as some of the issues that he raised by deals with on a daily basis. So looking forward to your company any questions for Idris community most welcome to SMS 0731738461. You can email him he [email protected] and you can follow on Twitter and send me a tweet at zoom just at zone justice Edu nj s. That's all the ways that you can connect with me this morning in Charlotte as you

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Muhammad Sallallahu wasallam

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that says I will bernama SSO 2018 La

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Mancha ism Chava

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Islam, the religion of all times, all places and all people join us on Saturday afternoons between the hours of three to 4pm same gene same to be same Sunnah same creator different language

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when the sun rises, it rises for everyone showing Mulana to nature starts on Monday to Thursday between 11 and 12pm live out of ermelo Mpumalanga, the place with the sunrises regular contributions name Alana Yes, yeah, bam. Milena

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and Idris homies

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Terminus after 11 assalamu aleikum wa rahmatullah Welcome back to a mushrik on veggie slam international and a very, very warm welcome and as I said to listeners earlier, it's more like a union whether it is camisa Salaam Alaykum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh

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you know and in what you're doing you're you're creating what I call separation anxiety model.

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absence makes the heart

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grow fonder.

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My wife was out of sight out of mind.

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Definitely, definitely not it is a good to be speaking to you again. Good to hear your voice welcome back to the program. And I'm delighted

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to interact with you I really look forward to the program I like your your demeanor, your pleasant disposition, inshallah we trade together, we able to challenge make some slight difference in the attitudes the lives of our beloved brothers and sisters. inshallah, it is why we

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Looking at social issues in this problem mainly, and we focus on issues that deal with,

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with basically what happens on a daily basis. And that is most often what comes to you, and the people who come to you for the counseling and for helping the marital affairs, kids problems, schooling problems, etc. So we will be seeing a number of these things playing out in the news also on a daily basis. And these things coming out in the open. But the basically

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what we've seen over the last week in particularly yesterday, seen a very, very disturbing story. And this was an extreme. But the the basic threads of the story of this story is very similar to what is happening in many people's lives. And the story that they saw yesterday was of a Chinese woman, she was having an argument and a fight with her husband just lasting quite a long time. And in order to punish her husband, because she felt her husband wasn't respecting her enough, she doubts her son, little five year old boy was fettle.

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set him alight. And in the scuffle, she burned as well and has been burned as well in her boy would most likely not survive the ordeal. So the threads of the studies of this study is very similar to what's happening in many people's lives. There's absolutely molana, you know, that is a very tangible example of the impact of the anger and the impact, you know, when people understand that you are not individually, you know, you are connected to people socially, spiritually, emotionally, you are a family, and your actions have an impact on everyone. You know, for example, the angry Father, you know, who comes in reprimands every on the charm, he affects the lives of everyone

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there, or the mother, who is stubborn, and is not prepared to accept the forgiveness of her husband. She also does what he does. I mean, the Indian children themselves, and I've seen this often, when they have to take science, you know that they cannot be neutral, in the dynamic and well, and that example is a very tragic, it's a very, very sad example. And people must realize, in the end, you know, one of the things you learn from that is that people in the diplomatic, and they must be determined at the very outset, especially when the chemistry is so strong, to look at, you know, how to deal with issues. Now. And that's the point. The point is, you know, the Chinese woman may have a

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case, run commands against her husband. To what extent is she demanding things of her husband? That is not capable of giving on the first of May? You know,

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it definitely, I need to be nurtured into doing the right thing. So very, very sad case. And that is an example that steady, it's been many, many, many on.

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Yes, this issue of

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what I mentioned, I mentioned it yesterday, my program as well as part of the current phase that we have problems between husband and wife, and then we use the children as pawns in the debate and in the arguments. And unfortunately, they are the victims of the trauma, and they have

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to monitor that to find that in that domain only and regulate that issue is a significant aspect of this. Sometimes, the mother cannot respond or recalculate. Or, you know, you know, accordingly, in what she does, she uses the child, the child becomes the innocent victim, if you went through a frustration, and you and what you're really doing is you're not showing children how to deal with the situation of disagreement, how to ensure a situation of disagreement does not degenerate, which an argument and how an argument should not degenerate into any kind of physical violence. There it has a tragic ramifications. And you write the email in marriages, especially the people who suffer

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most in the marriage are the kids. The kids that may not appear conscious and will not be acutely aware as they grow up, but kids are kids

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They're like sponges, they soak in all the experiences, they internalize it. And suddenly you find that this young boy really becomes into a young adult. And he has a lot of tantrums, you know, pent up emotions, because the emotions are suppressed, you're not able to release those emotions. He's not able to share his feelings with people around him. And you know, I think you know, more than anything else, what worries you molana? I think when you tell him individual,

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you know, how sure are you that you're going to

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outlive the day that you'll be alive tomorrow. And many of them say, you know, anything can happen in the future. But I think, you know, in our arrogance, we believe that we'll be here tomorrow. And often what happens when you see something every day, you can take them for granted, you can take your firm for granted.

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And sometimes you leave home in a very angry fashion, and the wife You left behind is very distraught. And next, you get a call a few hours later to say that your wife is very sick or since passed away, or that could happen to the husband. So we need to change our relationships, we must realize that we need to negotiate understand the temperament of the other, that our children are not to be used as pawns.

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Yes, it is very, that was one issue. The other is inshallah, as part of our program, we usually get an update from you of the cases that you've been dealing with over the past weeks. And I know, you've may have a huge file over these few weeks that haven't spoken to you. yet. It's a huge, huge file in the Netherlands talk about this, I think, you know, for me, you know, I really admire, admire those husbands, who, when they do a new form, whether they go overseas on local trips, they need from their wives or mature, maybe have to keep in contact with them. Because, you know, understandably, they are very concerned about your safety, especially at a time when there's so much

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of crime. And I find very, very disconcerting, like a no, there are so many examples of this, that the man said, he shows no respect for his partner, you know, you're absolutely nothing. And when you come back, you know, there is no accounting of, you know, giving feedback about the trip. And if you're not angry, you're come back angry. And this is unacceptable.

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And actually, we need to understand that and I want to do that I often said in the program, I need to come across any me, especially men, partner, or husband, or a father, who has no regrets in his life as a pastor before him. And I think we need to do that. I mean, why is it? The whole world knows everything about you, but your wife knows absolutely nothing about you. I'm not suggesting she ought to know every little thing about you have to do some fundamentals. I mean, imagine the embarrassment of a right. It seems that Jonathan has gone out every day coming back. I don't know. Where's he going to? I don't know. And can you imagine that sort of embarrassment, number one, and

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that is unacceptable. So that was one way or the other? A critical? I know. And I really think that we're talking about this, that in a time when these some divorces that are taking place, and sometimes what happens, you know, the,

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because of our sense of guilt, what we do, we shower our children with some gifts. We mollycoddle them, we buy them cars and whatnot, they do depending on loan, you know, financial situation. And as a result, what you are doing, that you are giving the child a wrong message in what you are really doing is because of your no job is almost emotional blackmail, you're doing that. And suddenly what happens this child, it gets out of control at the young age, you don't do that. And what happens is this, it undermines the discipline of one or the other. And you find that you know, when the son or daughter is at the father's place, and I'm not saying he's always, you know, responsible for this

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woman also guilty of this, and that you pamper them and suddenly the same kid comes home and you find that, you know, the mother is a strict disciplinarian, and you find it difficult to cope with a mistake but Mommy, you don't love me. Daddy loves the unstable daddy unstable daddy. And in fact, that's wrong. And therefore, I think

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With a critical that even when you are separating, you know, you want to ensure there is a common vision in terms of how you hear the child because the child has to do that thing is grossly unfair when you intubate a monster and make the monster let loose in the home of your ex wife. And that is that's to the third one. Also, very, very critical is the fact that, you know, we find that, especially today, we are not promoting excellence in our homes, we are not, for example, you can choose our children to be the best they can be whatever they do best in their class, and everything else you find. Therefore, it is not uncommon for many people to say that many of our youth today are

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irresponsible, right. So that's, that's very, very important that you need to develop the class, you need to be the role models to the children. The other aspect is this. And

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one of the points of arrays now is that, you know, I mean, people phone and say, you know, my husband comes from the south, you know, he doesn't talk to nobody, but yet, you know, maybe is going through a problem, maybe with some difficulty, and doesn't speak about, he doesn't expect his wife and children to know what he's going through. Because revealing is him. And that is fundamental, it's critical that he speaks about that today, life can be very stressful, in terms of economic challenges, sometimes the challenges in the workplace, a whole range of things, and many people are way too many personal challenges. And you know what, the best people to help to the best people to

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share the challenges is your family, to tell them what happened in the workplace. And to talk about it. When you talk about it. Firstly, you feel much better, you talk about it, you're their family sharing in the anxiety, and they're going to help you to cope with it. Right. And the other aspect that is becoming very, very common, is the whole issue of, you know, of infidelity, on the part of both men and women, knowing the growing number of sisters in unfaithful

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is shocking, also. So I think these are some of the things that are taking place. And I think, you know, if you look at each of the situation, think about the numbers, we'll send them send them, you forgot, also the benefits that can accrue from effective communication and effectiveness.

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Insisting display, the condition of what people are going through, and together with it quite distressing, in fact, what our, what we went out of our coma, what we went out of our community, and

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inshallah, as if we can overcome these problems and overcome these challenges, then we can definitely become better people, and we can definitely be role models for the rest of the nation, inshallah.

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You spoke, I mean, Allah bless you for what you are sharing, because then I thought of something that is far bigger than all of this. You know, we are living in South Africa. We are here under the law, you know,

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we are able to practice our faith and humbly law. But we are living in very, very challenging times, politically, socially, and economically. And I think what's very important that, you know, we must always be united as oma, that sometimes, you know, the competition between one institution and the other. And it's very important that whilst we may not agree on every aspect, it is impossible to agree on every aspect in the vast majority of things, I believe 95% of things that we agree upon, but I find the Winstead a reluctance to cooperate, you're so concerned about your own kind of domain system, that we are so concerned about it, we are so concerned about self preservation, that we

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either bad mouth, the other institutions are not prepared to cooperate because you feel the need to cooperate with the other institution to lose a lot of autonomy. And that's not the way we as Muslims should behave. And we also you know, we must use the medium, the whatever medium, the newspaper, whatever, or the radio station, to unite the hearts of people you know, it we must remember first is perfect. Allah knows what's in our heart. And I think it's very important

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that we see, for example, people do a good job the limit, the limit, say, Alhamdulillah. I like what you said, you know, we are not blessed, you look up and protect you. And something's wrong. It turns out he does not have to become part of the public discourse, you know,

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the person needs to be spoken to, and perhaps unwittingly, might have said or done something, because none of us is perfect. And really, what is great concern for me in this country at the moment, you know, we are also in like, in a powder keg, you know, anything can happen without notice. And suddenly, the muscles running Helter Skelter, because what is critical that we are not supposed to be insular and isolated, is supposed to interact with the fluid society, they need to know about what Islam and Muslims are all about, not what we're getting from the media, because the media itself can be prejudice, pernicious, and it can be completely one sided, chopped up in our

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home, the way they look up, the people that work for us, is that stuff of those people that are employed, you know, by us in a whole range of things, and we must realize that we are ambassadors for Islam. And no doubt a lot of good work is being done by Muslim Muslims have contributed significantly to this country. But there are many things that are also untoward, we need to deal with it, and be like lobbyists and allow us to now mercy onto all mankind. It is what intrigues me is.

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Very interestingly,

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the the educational system, you know, you're speaking about cooperation between institutions and organizations, if we take a lesson from the educational system in South Africa, and if you take a look at how

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they operate, you know, from the primary from the very little institutions, to the secondary to the tertiary, they all are sort of interlinked. They are well networked. And they all depend on each other for accreditation, they depend on each other, for progress. And for verification. And this is a means of huge success in the educational system, in that a person can just go on to the marketplace into the corporate marketplace, and advertise himself having a particular degree without having proper verification from an accredited institution. So you know, in a similar sort of networking method, if I was, Muslim institutions can employ similar sort of coherence networking,

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in the dependability, it can be greatly progressive for our Muslim institutions. And Absolutely, I mean, that, I need to do that very, very quickly. And I think you know, what, I mean, you know, is it something is gonna be a benefit to your institution? Why should we hold that information? Why did you say, you want to meet the Minister of Education regarding accreditation? Why shouldn't one institution, see them separately in the cloak of darkness, from the private is a part of a public knowledge? Why can you say, you know, what, this is gonna benefit us and get all the, for example, all of our rooms together, let's work together for this common good. And this is anything that we

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need to do. And you find even when it comes to Muslim school phenomena, when they become a modality, what they will do, we need to work together, it's about togetherness, we are possible only talking about myself, I there's no place for that, you know, in terms of,

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you know, discussion, in terms of the dialogue that we have as Muslims, there's no place for that. And I think, you know, we need to do that we need to think outside the box, we need to go outside of our skin and say, you know, what, you see what I mean? You know, and it's not like this, you know, if you come out unscathed from the situation, and yet, you know, the rest medicine, you're staying in an apartment, and you're, and you anticipate there's gonna be a problem, and you leave and the apartment goes up in flames, inverted commas, and using that, as an extreme example, how can you celebrate the fact that at

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the same time show no compassion for other people around the Why didn't you also warn others about your situation? I think that that is so critical. And I think, you know, this is not to diminish anyone. You know, we're not saying that we are Paragons of virtue or energetic and I think that we need

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To start speaking to each other, we need to have the discussion we need to be more open minded. We need to be more sharing and caring and what you said is so critical that we need to have a dynamic networking that takes place and when they someone with some skills are getting in and he could be he could he could be accessed and he could be assistance to everyone. Yes, definitely. Okay, if you guys just continue six minutes before 12 we need to take a short break and inshallah when we return. We'll we will continue with this discussion in these other points as well. listeners are most welcome to email to nature [email protected] you can SMS 0731738461 Stay tuned to our master Carnegie's

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When the sun rises, it rises for everyone showing molana teenagers such on Monday through Thursday between 11 and 12pm live out of ermelo Mpumalanga, the place with the sunrises regular contributions name Alana

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and Idris from Isa.

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Welcome back to Al mushrif on radio Islam international 330 minutes before 12. My guest this morning is brother Idris camisa. Speaking about social issues, and it is becoming back to the few issues that you mentioned number one people who travel and

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don't inform the families also about the well being when they are out and also when they return don't give them an update of what's been happening and how they genuine basically keeping the families or keeping aloof of the families concerning the travels. It is a 111 result of this type of behavior is that it would automatically create suspicion when the husband doesn't tell his wife exactly what happened on the journey. Learn absolutely how you would do that. And especially, you know, it has been some

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kind of conflict in the family for whatever reason, the infidelity or suspicion. This will compound the suspicions. And I think it's important to be your your family to share that information because they are bound by you. I mean your wife to the Nika These are your children alive to deal with these children. That is not fair. To the wives you are gone and perhaps, you know, maybe an unbeliever I'd like to believe doing some serious work. I don't think he said that your family needs to go for need to go to

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All the anxious, anxious moments without fear TV shows insensitivity.

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And then it is by

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as, as role models for our children, our children learn basically what they love and how we treat them how we behave, and how we, and the lessons that we instill within our children, even though they may seem like small moments or small statements, but this is what they live with the rest of their lives. And this is how they shape their lives in future as well. Absolutely. I mean, you know, you find that

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often the lessons that are shared with us, the things that they have done, it resonates Long, long after they've left. And in fact, you know, even you might have Inaki on cases disagreed with them, suddenly, you find that what they said to you are like, not pros, or wisdom. So I think it's important that as parents, that you are the role model that you know,

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you know, role model needs exactly jump in and make mistakes. role modeling means that you do make mistakes, you can sorry, the muscle burn model also suggests that you are a very forgiving person. And role model, also, to me, is a person that is actively involved with the community, and is the person that, you know, responds to the needs of the wider society. And a role model, of course, more than anything else at home, is to treat his wife with dignity, and not to be rude, you know, to treat her with sensitivity, to recognize our business, our business facilities, celebrate with you, and see yourself at 2000, you know, does not diminish his role as the leader of the home and not run

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roughshod over him. And two very important men, it's about feelings. And children grew up in that environment, good children, you must understand, embrace the best and the worst of the parents. And it's important that we grew up adopting positive attributes. They grow up, you know, being positive contributors to society. And people can also oppose the institution of marriage, because there's a great chance if a kid be born in a home, where there's been a massive discord a serious problem. I'm not saying it is a reality, that if there is no intervention, there's a good chance that he is dealt Microsoft in the problem.

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just by the other points that you raised in sorry, we went through these points very quickly with quite a few. So we can get done with him in Sharla infidelity in between couples, and

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within couples in

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a great problem, the proper corporate environment lends greatly to it. And basically, it's a result of an earlier what we could call the interventions that we could have implemented, but we hadn't taken the precaution. And then unfortunately, it leads to this. Yeah, we are, it's multifactorial. I think today what has happened in the past have become accessible 24 hours a day, right? You find that it's not only men, that produce women, not

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men, sending enduring messages, images, and, you know, protein, you know, sometimes the vulnerability of the other and is involved with the social media, and the workplace is normal, you got to meet an individual now, inverted commas, to seduce the practical group head to the mean. And behind the screen, and through the social media, you can be more courageous and audacious and say things and the other person responds accordingly. And, and there are very few that come out until from this keynote, and the mallamma. forgive everyone. And clearly this is the time that we need to really become more circumspect and refined that

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perhaps the relationship is doing in a particular direction, then it's important to terminate it there and there. And but the point is, the point is that because there is a strong belief that I'll not get caught, so you continue with it. And then the emotional entanglement is anger. And then people are caught out, you know,

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problems in the assembly ramifications. And, and therefore I think one of the most effective antidotes perhaps is, you know, being focused on who you are doing exactly what your purpose is, and that you're not coming in the near disappears. That might make you wonder but

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Allah subhanaw taala is mentioned in the Quran, Karim, Allah Takara, Xena. And there are many, many things that would take a person close to Xena and adultery, there's definitely like all of these points that you mentioned social media, etc. And besides that many other things as well,

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that will take a person close to this

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type of behavior. It is up to the individual and it's all like you mentioned it is my new introduction is that we have to be close to Allah subhanho wa Taala. And we have to

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gain strengthen our Eman And when that happens, then all of the other factors in our life will definitely correct themselves. Absolutely, absolutely. And, you know, the whole thing is, you know, I've I'm loath to pass judgment on anyone you know, and I think it's an opportunity for us to come closer to Allah, and that you make a commitment that we do not repeat the mistakes of the past. And, and this is the thing that you know, many of us find it very difficult to live a balanced life. And we know exactly when you're not living a balanced life, you got to make sure that you leave your salon on time that Quran is a vicar that you have friends that are positive, who remind you about

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who we are in you make sure that your family life is fully in the contentment, you know, and then you look up yourself emotionally, spiritually and physically. You do all of these things inshallah, you know, these will be effective antidotes to that situation because you don't have the time nor the luxury to indulge in a flippant relationship.

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It's 40 minutes before 12 be listening to Al mashreq on radio Islam International. And my name is Juanita said my guest this morning please is coming service number of issues that we are dealing with and that we're discussing You're most welcome to SMS 0731738461 it is why we need to take another break and inshallah we'll be back just after that. Stay tuned. Shall Mr. COVID Islam choose to support Islamic Relief in helping the most needy and the orphans in South Africa and overseas? donations, soccer, soccer and select online at www dot Islamic dot coser visits the democratic offices in Johannesburg, Cape Town, seven Pietermaritzburg are called Oh 861 level one to level four

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with the sunrises its rises for everyone showing molana teenagers such on all mushrif Monday to Thursday between 11 and 12pm live Auto ermelo Mpumalanga, the place with the sunrises regular contributions by Milan Fei Bom Milena as mature

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and Idris homies

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Welcome back to the police land international interviews by 12 minutes left for the program and inshallah, coming back to the discussion that we started off a little bit on initially lack of cooperation between institutions and lack of cooperation between individuals. And this is all leading to in fact, the downfall of our Dean's history has played witness to this that whenever there was

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infighting, lack of cooperation, it definitely led to the downfall of the Muslims. But why, why, and for what reason, and this is perhaps Africa

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Go into what is the reason behind us going down the same road all over again, this will be a many reasons and really allow like our listeners to phone and talk about this TV we should be talking about, you know, the many reasons. And one of the things that I say to everyone that you're not an owner of institution, you're a custodian.

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And it's a point that many people think their own institution, and they're not prepared to invite others to participate. They're scared in order to take over this is the attitude that people have. And the moment you've got that attitude, the moment you've got a condescending attitude, and think you have this, you have the sum total of that knowledge. And that's wrong. And you find that this is the whole point is sometimes, and even when employ people in your situation, you only want to employ those individuals that subscribe to your way of thinking, those individuals that could be of security and will be like your slave, that someone that can enrich it, by his or her experience, by

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the autonomy, or by the leadership qualities, and what happens you make all kinds of changes, emitted there purely a you know, to preserve your own status for the institution, etc. Now, then that happens, then, the other reason is, is

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that many people are not prepared to cooperate with others, purely because on one hand, they think they know it all. On the other hand, they feel very insecure about it. And, and you know what, this is the whole point. You know, the whole point of Islam is supposed to be supportive of each other, we are part of the beast and allowed us. But it's one part to the self, the rest of the body, in order to share knowledge, I remember reading this, and you really tried to, if you hold back an iota of knowledge from the, from your fellow brother was effective, the jaaneman for you, and support you to share information, to share expertise, and to say, you know what, you know, my weakness is our

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weakness, my strength is our strength. So let me see how we can cooperate, how we can interrupt each other, how we can share resources, and how we can be a united voice in all of this. And because those are concerned of self preservation, they're very, very short sighted, they may, you know, perhaps, fulfill that aspiration. Once they are alive and grown, you find the whole institution crumbles, because why does one dictator who was managing this whole place and I think, to me, I find that quite abominable, adjustable, is something completely and Islamic and we need to, you know, the spawn to these challenges, we need that we are a very fragmented oma in this country, we need to

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unite our hearts, we need you know, we always blaming the other will not prefer to sit around the table, have a dialogue, have a discussion, and learn to disagree agreeably, rather than build an argument for it.

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In this way, it's almost the end of our program. Now, perhaps you could just have a few words of parting advice and inshallah sign up for today.

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Yes, you know, my parting advice is this to everyone is that you know, we need to be self aware. We need to look at ourselves and ask ourselves whether we are encouraging unity, we need to look at ourselves and ask ourselves, how are we contributing to the harmony in our homes? We need to ask ourselves to what extent we are showing sensitivity to our partner, to what extent you are communicating to what extent you're causing hurt, and I think it is a fundamental inshallah, that we must move forward with, you must learn to forgive and Sharla in this robotic day inshallah. We pray to Allah Allah guide us and give us them Tina, shall mean I mean, I mean, it is very shocking to

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Zeeland for your time this morning and it's been interesting, good reunion and

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alarms to shoo shoo romney that was lucky.

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Chicken Zealand, for speaking to us that was Idris camisa. speaking to us from Durban this morning and should confer you for listening in on the program. And inshallah has is just a word of of advertising tomorrow evening. In ermelo. We are going to be hosting a very important guest and having an important program. Our whole focus is going to be on Syria. And we are hosting Dr. India cinnamon, of gift of the givers foundation. That's tomorrow.

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After the Maghreb inshallah Allah Aziz are Muslim by then would be at about 6:31pm program is gonna be taking place at the ermelo Juma Masjid and we are going to be accommodating ladies as well inshallah, in the Bertha facilities that have been prepared for the ladies. So this program is B be from Missouri to Asia inshallah tomorrow very interesting lecture and a report on Syria, we request all of you to attend the program and get a little idea of exactly what's happening in Syria, but India has been there a few times. And in fact, the gift of the givers Foundation has set up a

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hospital as well. So we've got a good insight into what's happening in Syria from from just women, the smaller evening in ermelo Aftermath live and ladies are accommodated as well shuffled Zealand and we hope to see you tomorrow night from Geneva satin this Thursday morning. Assalamu alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh

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