Parenting in the 21st Century – Episode 3

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Edris Khamissa

Channel: Edris Khamissa

Series:

Topics: Parenting

Episode Notes

  • Bringing Up Boys and Girls
  • The Role of the Father
  • Raising Smarter Kids

Episode Transcript

© No part of this transcript may be copied or referenced or transmitted in any way whatsoever. Transcripts are auto-generated and thus will be be inaccurate. We are working on a system to allow volunteers to edit transcripts in a controlled system.


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parenting in the 21st century by Idris camisa, and shimmy maka three, at a time when many parents are feeling helpless. The aim of these recordings is to offer practical solutions to real problems shukran. In CD three, there are going to be three focus areas, bringing up boys and girls, the role of the Father and raising smart kids. Now we immediately moving on to the first topic bringing up boys and girls. Now, it is, from my experience with children from the time they very little, I hear parents saying that boys will be boys. When you see kids playing, the boys are a lot more boisterous running around jumping. And when you have visitors as well, the little girls are sweet and pleasant.

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And sitting quietly.

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Also, in schools, we find that boys are a lot more fidgety in a classroom than the girls, girls are really a lot more eager to learn. So what's different in how we bring up boys and girls, that it's leading to this apart from boys hormones are different to girls and they makeup is such, you know, shamima that observation is a universal observation. And if that is a universal observation, that one should argue that our methodology towards the boys and girls should be somewhat different.

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Boys are often boisterous. And I agree with that. And there are many reasons for that.

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The image I have of my own childhood is that when my dad used to tell me a breeze, play outside, I was so excited. I was jumping for joy, Daddy, I love you, Daddy, these were my words. But today, when you ask a young boy to play outside, he says play with what daddy. Now it's important, what is fed in the minds of these children. In fact, one of the greatest contributing factor to the reasons why boys do what they do, is the games they play.

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like video games are a very powerful influence on the mind. The other aspect is, many of them watch a lot of television. Girls, often I'm not saying they are also I do not want to generalize, more involved with some of the domestic duties at home, they are more connected. And mothers often nurture them in a particular way as it were. So there are many factors regarding this. So perhaps if the parent has the son and daughter in the home, if you'll get your son to also assist with chores in the home.

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If you get your son to also get interested in books, you know, as you start reading books to them from very little age at bedtime, you're saying that, yes, we wanting them to have the same kind of values. So we don't have to just necessarily say, well, boys will be boys. It's true. That means what we do at home is very significant. We're not saying that the boys in necessarily must be like girls, you don't want that to happen, right. But in aspects in terms of attitude, that is quite significant. There are many an individual educationist sociologists, whatever they have also made that particular observation. You find though, that many parents today, and teachers do not seem to

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have the skills to deal with that. It's about relooking at your methodology, because just think about this, understandably, this image of this boy who has been playing all the time in the mud, you know, running up and down, missing his clothes, coming home for the mother, that's the norm. And suddenly now he goes to school at a very tender age. He said, Please sit in the corner and keep your mouth shut the two different worlds Waltz, you want to discipline of course, but that discipline is a process it cannot be done immediately. So it is you think to me that as a parent, I need to understand that I must interact with my son slightly differently in order to get them to more under

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control. In terms of I require. You mentioned schools as well in the classroom. The teacher then also needs to understand that how I'm going to engage with the boys is going to be slightly different to how I'm going to engage with the girls. And that's what we talking about in our topic bringing up boys and girls we as parents as educators

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As grandparents, we need to understand that we deal slightly differently with our boys than with our girls. Yes, yes, but shamima. That's such an important observation. If you look at adults today, without generalizing, you find that many men appear emasculated, did not seem to have the qualities of leadership. They lack courage, they're not resilient. And some of them are not protectors of our woman. In that sense. I'm not saying that a woman required that kind of protection, but they require someone that is supportive of them, who can make decisions and the person that is the decision maker. The other important thing that we need to bear in mind is that there are many reasons for

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that. So when parents bring up children, they need to understand and ask themselves, what are the qualities I need to imbibe in my child, in my daughter, in my son, and we need to understand that. So parents need to live by those qualities, with the Father model that behavior for the Son, and of course, for the daughter, in general way, and the mother does the same thing. It makes a huge difference. In other words, you're saying, as a parent of a very young child, I need to understand way forward what values I want, when this son grows up to be an adult, or likewise, what values I wanted my child, my young daughter, when she grows up to be an adult, you've given me something very

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significant, because as a parent, you know, parents are asking for advice. They're asking, What am I doing wrong? And you saying, think way ahead, what introduct you want and work with what you can mold from the beginning? Absolutely. Because remember, as we said, in the last CD, when children are born, the plastically, malleable, they would embrace a qualities, they observe the parents, they mimic adult behavior. We often hear this BB regard is a cliche, and apple doesn't fall too far from the tree. And this is significant. So

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parents themselves must ensure that the home is a sanctuary is a place in which is almost like a laboratory in which parents display the behavior that we authentically did not show any hypocrisy. And of course, inshallah, with that in mind, our kids are develop into young adults who make a significant contribution to their own homes, and to society at large inshallah, it is earlier, you spoke about outdoor play. Now, I want to know how this outdoor play will enhance boys and girls gross motor skills. And you know, you spoke about boys wanting to play outdoors, but I know it's the gold as well. But how would the outdoor play help in children's well being overall well being, as

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opposed to just being indoors and in front of the TV?

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When children play outdoors, or when they play, they expend a lot of energy, you are responding to a physical need. And when they are playing, they learn so many things, they learn about negotiation, they learn about teamwork, they enjoy the sunlight, they enjoy the outdoors. And when they come home after play, they are little more sedentary, they are a bit tired now. And at that time, you'll find then you're able to interact with them. What is happening now, because our children do not play outside as much as they used to do previously. And what happens is that when they come home, they have this pent up emotions. And then what the parent is trying to do is to sublimate it, they really

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tend to No Please sit down, sit down, sit down, when the kids really want to do something with a great deal of energy. And we'll talk about how we can create a kind of routine. And that's one aspect. The other important aspect that we need to talk about, and something I did not subscribe to. But I remember our friend Pharrell come in, some years ago, was very concerned about the diet of the children and he was quite strict in terms of the tuck shop. And yeah, I was I a fledgling perhaps a bit naive. I said no, give the kids cold drinks men allowed them to have chocolate Thea young kids. But now through my own reading and

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listening to my friend farrokh I realized the impact has also on behavior. Idris you talking about healthy diet? How important is diet in bringing up children in terms of the outlook in terms of the you know, expending too much of energy

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What kind of diet does the child need? shamima. Today, you find there are so many things available. And the big mistake many of us make is to succumb to fast foods and to process foods. And people have realized that they say, we you are what you eat. I remembered reading yesterday, when the shake comes the use of said it is your teeth that you use to dig your own grave.

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So it's very important about what foods we give them. You know, for example, when kids come to school in the morning, they're very energized, the chances are, they perhaps had a chocolate in the morning, they had something sugary, they had some of those things that give them that animation in that energy. And teachers find a bit difficult the first few minutes to calm them down. And subsequently in the first break, and in the second break. And we need to look at what our Nabi sallallahu wasallam said, Our Nabi sallallahu, wasallam spoke about not only halaal food, but also it's about the organic food, we often only focus sadly, about halau food. And if you look at what

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our B cell allows us to eat, is to love barley. He loves milk, he loves eating melons, he loves eating mushrooms, he loves vinegar, he loves figs, he like eating Honey, look at those kinds of foods, of course, and also meat. And what we need to do basically, is to give them a balanced diet, naturally, towards the evening, we wean them off of sugary foods, we wean them off of those carbohydrates, we wean them off of those kinds of foods, that's going to have a negative impact on the development of the brain. Things like arms and whatnot are very useful in terms of the brain. And we need to look at that quite seriously. And once you change the diet, and give them a balanced

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diet, of course drinking lots of water, it's very powerful drink lots of water. Once you do that, you'd see a concomitant change in the attitude and the behavior.

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Okay, is, is there anything you want to recap on or give us a summary in terms of bringing up boys and girls, before we move on to our next topic,

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I was reading about the schools in Finland, the Finnish schools are the best schools in the world. And look at what they do. They start formal schooling only around the age of six and seven, very fundamental. In those schools, they do not only look at the mind, the cognitive, they also look at the affective, and they look at the physical. And one of the things they do is to develop the sensory perception of the children. Now sensory perceptions can be best developed outdoors, best developed outdoors. And once you do that, what you are doing is that you are developing them holistically. And the biggest problem today, often even our homes and is perpetuated by the school

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is to only focus on academic development. So my message to parents today is you got to make sure that you as a parent, lead a balanced life. Your children lead a balanced life is a time to pray, a time to play, and a time to do things together as a collective. And as they say, a family that prays together, plays together, would stay together. So these are important things that we need to do. Now, the same token, we did not want to develop kids that are one sided, only thing to them books book study, study, study, study, study study. And that's a big mistake we're going to make it is now I want to talk to you about the role of the Father in the home. Now, we all know that the mother is

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the basic nurturer in the home. She's the one that provides the initial love, key feeding, as it were, and the child is completely attached to the mother. And

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Father then gets involved. And I've seen Alhamdulillah father's totally absorbed and totally involved with the babies from birth. But then I've also seen where the father is either absent physically or emotionally you know, where the father is there and he says, Well, I'm there and I'm supporting my wife by going to work but I'm talking about here emotionally involved with the baby. What

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is the role of the Father in terms of bringing up the child, and how important is his role in the home. The Father's role is very significant. It's a sad indictment on males, as it were, who have diminished their own role, who do not realize how significant it is. When fathers get involved in the lives of the children,

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and especially the boys, you find the mother is enamored with the Father, she feels a support, indeed, they are like a partnership.

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And today, if you look around, as I do marital counseling,

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when I speak about the issues at home, and one of the recurring themes is the father's non involvement, he believes the sum total in many cases is I bring food to the table, I give them a home, I give them clothing,

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what else should I be doing? And to me,

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that's a very narrow understanding of your own responsibility. And may Allah reward you for the other things that you are doing, but far more critical than that is ensuring that you play a significant role in nurturing rearing your children and playing a significant role with your good wife. Okay. Now, the trays that have been found in children, where the father is absent, either physically or emotionally and you know, we focusing on both these physical and emotional is, the child has these trays,

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a sense of shame, hopelessness,

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the child feels excessive guilt and inferiority, complex,

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overcompensation, anger, addictive behavior, a lack of energy, for relationships with male authority. These are just a few of the trays that psychologists have found where the father is absent. Now, it is if you can elaborate on those that you feel are the most important.

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Listen, let us look at shame.

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parents do not realize there is often peer pressure.

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And when

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your son is talking to his friend, they speak often about the home about your father and your mother. Can you imagine the shame the child feels when he realizes that his father does not spend time with him is not involved with him or participates in his life. To these a sense of shame, or even coming to school activities, he will come into school activities. So that's one particular area. The other quality is the one of hopelessness.

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What happens then,

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the children themselves adopt very negative attitudes towards the future.

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It really they become like pessimists, they feel a sense of hopelessness. And then hopelessness also impacts on the attitude towards marriage, because they have not been shown a moral example as to how you can be a husband. This will also affect the attitude towards learning and schooling. It must, it must because remember this in the end, people can deal with all kinds of issues. But the issue that rarely impinges on each one of us, gets under our skin is what happens at home. You ask any person,

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if he does not find joy at the workplace, he can go somewhere else and find work. If he doesn't get joy in the football team. He can play for another team. But if his life is immersed with the sadness of his home, his home is not a sanctuary, but a place of contestation and struggle. It has a profound impact on him.

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gauges, we had a few more I just want you to elaborate for me that the one that I found quite interesting. overcompensation?

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Yes. Now, overcompensation is this that when things do not go right in your life, instead of you asserting yourself, you take much more responsibility for your behavior. In fact, it is your parent that should take responsibility for what has happened. What you what often happens is this. Let us say this young man is married. He gets married, and when the wife has to tell him something because of the absence the

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Boy in his own life, he will take responsibility for it. The what he needs to do is to confront that reality about himself get help, because the last thing we want for him to even have what you call a victim mentality. So the long and short of it all that a child growing up without the Father, the father may be dismissive about it. But it has a profound impact on the psyche, on his attitude, he can get involved in addictive behavior, compulsive behavior, it will impact on his relationships. In the end, what will happen to him that he too might repeat the cycle, that he was part of this vicious cycle, the only time can turn to a virtuous cycle is when he seeks help, he finds out what

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is wrong. And when he realized what has contributed to his attitude, and towards his values, it makes a big difference. So to your father's, my earnest appeal to each one of you get involved. It is not macho for you to stay in an emotional distance. There is nothing wrong in hugging your child, hug your son, hug your son hug your daughter, there is nothing wrong in sharing your emotions of demonstrating your love to your kids. So fathers you've heard it we are saying, Give your wife the support, be emotionally and physically involved in bringing up your children, we think play a significant significant role in their lives. And we're saying do something as simple as playing

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outdoors. You know, earlier in the CD, we spoke about the importance of outdoor play. So we think that here's your opportunity, play soccer with your sons play soccer with your daughters, it's going to enhance their gross motor skills and they are going to develop this bond that's never ever going to break because as a parent, you are going to develop this bond at a very early age and once you've developed that one you set for life inshallah. So there you have it, your father's simple enough, what you can do to improve your role as father in the home inshallah, do you have these wild and crazy dreams for your darling little ones. Once that might even have started in the cradle. Perhaps

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you thinking of some of the following your baby who was born, talking and walking, okay, not so much born talking and walking, able to walk and talk for three months. preschoolers who can read encyclopedias, and do complex, long division sums. Kids who make the honors roll every term in school, and we receive so many awards that you don't even have place for them. Your high school child who takes part in the school pay takes part in every speech contest comes out first every term and even has been accepted at university while school in grade eight. Is that what you think of your child being smart? Our next topic that we are talking about is how to raise smart kids. Is this what

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you as a parent are thinking of is smart? It is how do we make all our kids smart? But first, am I right? that these are smart kids that I'm talking about? That's again shamima, the narrow notion of being a smart kid. And one of our recurring themes has been that academic success is not a precursor to real success. And islamically you and I know that Allah will judge us by the effort and not the outcome. Every child is born with a particular IQ. And of course you could nurture the IQ, you could develop the IQ. But what is important is this, that we need to look at what will make your kid smart in terms of not only academics, but in terms of life. So we need to do what you call holistic

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development. Therefore, I am very happy to note that there are many dynamic schools are not only focusing on the cognitive, they're focusing on the psychological development, the spiritual, the effective, the behavioral, the moral development, because this comprehensive development will contribute to a balanced child, a well rounded kid was able to cope with the challenges that he faces in today's society. It is the reason I asked this question is that from my experience with young parents, it seems to be that they only are able to judge the children by how well they doing academically. From the little one he's able to walk is able to talk he's now potty trained.

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He's going to school at a tender age.

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As a school teacher said his brilliant, the teacher said he's able to draw, he can identify his colors. He knows he shaped he know he can identify a triangle from a square. I mean, my child's now amazing, my child gets to grade one. And he's not happy, coming to school crying every morning, and the parents are upset, because my child was brilliant, your school's wrong, your school that fault. The teachers the problem, the teachers not experienced enough, I want to put my child in another class, because they are not stimulating my child enough. But from my experience, it seems to be that that particular child didn't get the emotional encouragement and didn't develop emotionally, parents

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been so focused on challenging the child academically, you know, my child can even hold a pencil, and my child can write his name at the age of two is that what we think to parents is important, it is fundamentally important, is precisely because we do not develop our kids emotionally, that many of them have issues with their life. They become pessimistic, they attitude towards every challenge is negative. We focus primarily on achievement. In fact, those parents are really pressurizing the kids so much that studies have shown, even kids at the age of six have high levels of stress. What about those kids who have never been to school, many of the people in history have made the biggest

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contribution to society, they have never been to school. Therefore, I'm not surprised when Mark Twain said that his education was interrupted by schooling. And shamima. The issue about the cry of the child rather crying, not wanting to come to school has become so common. And you find parents want to blame the school. And that is erroneous. So we need to look at in this segment, what do we understand by being smart? What are ways that we can use to make kids smart in terms of the attitude, the values in terms of relationship dynamics, in terms of the spirituality, in other words, to develop a young person that grows up confident about who he is, knows what his purpose is,

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also understands his own sensitivity to humanity at large. I think you know, raising smart kids is what we've been talking about from CD one.

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Parenting in the home, what you need to do spend time with your children. Earlier, we spoke about outdoor play. And the it's important. We spoke about diet, we spoke about nutrition, we spoke about just having fun in the home, all of that is helping you raise a smart kid. It's not just this notion of academia, my child has to be academically excelling for the child to be called Smart. Now, if you can tell me what should be done in the home, taking into consideration all that we've discussed in the other cities, adding to making my child smart in the home, if you can give us a few practical tips on what to do, because the parent is now saying, I was so focused and I thought as a parent, I

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had to push and push and push my child, I want you to get you to give me practical tips on how to enjoy time spent with my child because my opinion, if I sit outside in the garden with a bucket of water, and we are digging sand from the garden, I'm raising a smart kid, I want you to give me those kinds of few practical examples. I'll give you 11 to 15. Okay, I didn't ask for as many But anyway, go ahead. I feel inspired hamdulillah Firstly, one of the critical things is this, that as a family we need to set very high standards. What do I mean by that? We need to pursue excellence. Our Nabi sallallahu alayhi wa sallam was the very embodiment of excellence. We need to focus on excellence.

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Of course, when there is mediocrity, we must not celebrate that on one level. Secondly, we need to encourage the child's intellectual curiosity. Kids are kids. They often ask why, why? Why it is automatic, they want to know they want to appear they want to, from crawling, they want to walk they asked many, many questions, and we need to encourage that curiosity. It is fundamental. And if you stifle that curiosity, then you're going to stunt the imagination of the child. The other aspect is that we got to make sure these are balanced in the life a very important we need to develop routines.

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You must also take time as one writer mentioned once, to take time to smell the roses to go out there, smell the roses enjoy that.

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The other aspect is this, that you must feel connected, you must connect yourself to your child's life emotionally connect yourself, spiritually connect yourself. Now, the fact that the kid is going to school, it does not mean that you say, okay, find that school, it is now the responsibility of the teachers.

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Then we need to create a supportive atmosphere, tone and atmosphere that supports learning and

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growing. What does it mean? It means that you're going to keep the lines of communication open, that kids speak openly, what's their heart, how they spend the day. And also we need to create an atmosphere that is organized for success. What do we mean by that, we got to make sure we create realistic boundaries, that not only realistic boundaries, we got to talk to kids about themselves and about the future. So as a result of that, you are developing in children a sense of self motivation and self discipline.

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One of my favorite things, Jemima, and I'm sure if you know me well enough, you will know that, that I am an avid reader, and I want to promote reading. And I found his studies that kids that read the most number of books are kids that often succeed. And the best leaders are often the best readers for we need to create a culture of reading. That means I'm saying parents, it is not for tutors are by chance the first item to be revealed the Quran was ekra. Why have you forfeited this noble habit. The other important thing is this, we got to make sure that education ranks number one in our home, it is a priority, single most important priority. The other few very quickly, is give your kids

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responsibilities. I know it's a habit that my father inculcated in each one of us to give us this responsibility of

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doing something at home, doing something outside your home in that way, what you are developing a sense of maturity and understanding.

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The other one that I want to speak about is the whole issue of creativity.

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In a survey that was conducted 1000 children between the ages of three and five were tested for the creativity, you will not believe this 95% tested geniuses, the same kids when they turn eight to 10 years old, the same children that the 2% tested geniuses, for as creativity was concerned,

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the same children between the ages of 12 and 15. The percentage went down to 12%. And then they tested randomly 100,000 adults, the percentage went down to 2%. So it's quite clear, there's something amiss. So what we are saying that somewhere along the line, we stifling little children's creativity.

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Yes, of course, we are doing that from home, and also at schools. Therefore you find it is very important to allow children to speak what's in the mind to ask them open ended questions is to make them solution driven. To foster the creativity. We are wanting children to fit into a specific norm, that general norm so that I know now I'm right in my parenting. What you are saying is let your child start thinking for himself. Let your child start asking these key questions and finding solutions to little problems. In fact, you find that many individuals now who are critical of the education system, believe that creativity should be an integral part of the school curriculum. It

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should go across the curriculum, and you find our textbooks our examination papers, do not just creativity, what it is, is your regurgitation of the information they've given you. Therefore, I am not also surprised when the debate topics that was once given that the matriculation examination interferes with real education. Okay, before we go further into creativity, what is creativity? Creativity is the ability to look at situations originally to give origin

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Answers is to develop both the left brain and the right brain. Because you find today people who are making the most success in the way in whichever way you look at it are those individuals who have looked at answers to situations when many people said, there are no answers. And one more point on dimension. In a workshop that I participated, I said to them, they don't want to be said the loudly or seldom was a very creative profit.

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Now, here's a parent who's got a three year old and perhaps a seven year old and just choosing random ages. And this parent has read a lot on parenting, and seems to think that they're doing a good job, right. And the parent listening now to the CDs is saying, you know what, I've been focused on my child, Excel, I want to bring in the play. I've let my husband listen to CD three. And he's understanding slowly understanding his role as a parent. So we bring a lot more picnics, we going to the beach, and we playing in the sand playing in the water.

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You now bringing up creativity? What guidelines can you give the parent on how to introduce creativity in the home, just give me three, please. So it's a start. Once I as a parent, get to understand what you are meaning by creativity, then it'll flow. And I know what my kids like. And I'll be able to follow through on that. So one, just three ideas from you, for example, often, when kids see the parents writing, they also want to pin, you give it to them, and the kids will just scribble something for that kid, it's a piece of art. But the father, often not all the time, I please don't get me wrong, I'm not against you, my beloved father's is not to suggest that what the

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child did is necessarily a piece of art. But from the child's perspective through his eyes, it's a piece of art, what often we do what we do, often, rather, is to hold the child's hand firmly, and we teach him how to make firm strokes, what you are really doing, you are killing his creativity, you are killing that spirit. And when they go to school, often the teachers say please you right from the left hand side, so on and so forth. What is the need for uniformity, but I'm concerned about conformity. That's one aspect. The second aspect that is also critical is to ask children, what is their opinion, is ask them, what would you do in a particular situation like this, the third thing

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that they can do is to allow free discussions at home. In other words, kids can share the fresh new insights into ideas, they can be original, and listen to them, listen with your heart and see it from their perspective. There are many, many things that we can do. And for me, it's a very sad indictment. And I say it because I feel really I'm quite passionate about it, that in our homes, and in our schools, we kill the spirit of the children. We kill creativity, therefore, I'm not surprised. has one person said john Taylor Gatto said that schooling is an extended childhood.

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So in raising smart kids, we are not necessarily saying your child was get 10 out of 10 in a mental test, your child must be the best in whatever he is doing. We are saying your child is making an effort your child is trying in anything that he or she is doing. Absolutely. And the last point I want to mention here because I have a story to tell is that you got to give the children hope.

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Remember this, you must not circumscribe your children, even teachers need to listen to this. You must say, you know what, you are useless.

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I don't know what you want to do with your life. I shared with you before the recording of one of our x pupils, where teachers gave up hope on it. And today Alhamdulillah he's a successful human being is successful materially, and he's a young, decent man who has made a resounding success, but it teaches a thought nothing of him in terms of his future. But the story I want to share is a very poignant story. And it's a story of a young boy who was 10 years old. He went to the doctor because he was very concerned about some of the marks on his body. And a week later, he was going to participate in the swimming Gala. He was very concerned about the attitude of his peers, his

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classmate the laugh at those marks. So he went to the doctor can and I want you to imagine you're that young boy. He went to the doctor, the doctor

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limb, clinically is nothing I can do. There is no cure for the disease. The boy said there must be a cure. There has to be a cure. The doctor said, I'm the doctor. I'm telling you there is no cure. This young boy was despondent, crestfallen, the next day as he walks to the school and when he gets into the school yard, a teacher notices him, not his own teacher. But the teacher was quite vigilant and observant, notices him. So he calls a boy, it says to him, young boy, what is wrong, and the young boy shares his story. He said, The 10 minute discussion he had with the teacher was so inspirational was so inspirational, was so motivational, that this young boy

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became a scientist.

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And you know what? The same disease that doctors said there is no cure, he found the cure for that disease is a true story, a story that we need to understand, never give up hope. Never say it cannot be done.

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What must be said, I would support you in your endeavors. We are here together in this and always make the effort inshallah. Absolutely. kgs. I want to recap

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on our topic, raising smart kids, because, you know, I feel it's really important that parents understand what a smart kid is. And in understanding this concept, we're going to take away justice from young children. I mean, in years gone by it was only adults that had stress and suffered from migraine headaches and such like, but in present day, youngsters, they are five year olds who are getting headaches and migraine headaches and saying that I'm stressed out. So there's something that we need to change in Sharla. Now, you spoke to us about the following. You said in raising smart kids set high standards in care, encourage intellectual curiosity, maintain a balance in the home.

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That means we saying yes do discuss academics as well. But let it be fun in play as well. Develop routine in the home. You know, often in school, we have kids who are haphazard, haven't brought stationery to school haven't brought the books to school. And the bag is all in a mess. And we know when we call in a parent and say you're not we need your help, we realize that the parent hasn't set some sort of routine at home, and we're having to guide the parent.

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Getting your four year old child to be able to take out his own clothes from his drawer, and even put it in a tidy manner is creating routine in the home, getting him or her to take his dirty clothes and put it into wash basket is creating routine. The other one you spoke about is connect with your child in every aspect, support, create a supportive atmosphere in the home in whatever they are doing. Keep the lines of communication open, create realistic boundaries, you know, do not let your child feel that he always has to do better and better and better. That means anything that he's done is not good enough. Oh, yes, you drew that it's okay. But why didn't you draw a face with

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the eyes in the correct place? You know, we were saying charge to our children that

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were not happy with what you've given us. So this is a way in which you say to them, Well, you've done an excellent job really, really nice. But perhaps the next time when the child is drawing in, you know, you nudge them along in the direction that you want them to go. Provide, promote reading in the home. Okay, if you want your child to be able to read, you've got to be reading yourself, model that good behavior, and ensure that education is seen as important in the home.

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And the most important one that you spoke about is

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creativity in the home. Let there be a Chola children know that we are creative and everything we are doing. Let him know that being creative is also a fun activity, then respect each other in the home, enjoy spending time with each other. Don't look at the watch and say well, I've given you your 10 minutes together. And we now going to part ways you go into your room and I go and watch my TV or whatever. Learn from your children. Idris was so much that we can learn from them as parents. You can get yourself a second childhood by running and jumping and skipping with your children. Apart from it being a good exercise, you're going to let them know that they so important that you're

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willing to drop whatever you are doing, to have fun with them.

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value the effort of what they're doing and not the product. You can come in at any time.

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solve problems together. So we finding a problem where I found an insect in the room, what can we do to solve the problem? How are we going to help each other, so child's giving their input on how we can solve the problem, and you are then there to assist, perhaps his sport his Milo, it was a mistake. But suggest ways Firstly, your child gets to help you to clean up. And secondly, you know, it fell because you weren't sitting in the correct manner. So if you were sitting correctly, we won't have this problem. So child's getting to understand cause and effect, that's really important understanding cause and effect, also create an environment that values learning, you spoke about the

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importance of education. If they went to value learning from a very, very tender age, schooling then becomes a breeze. And while this school, yes, they've got to conform to certain parameters of what the school requires. But as the parent, if you create the fun, you create the fun ways that they can learn and spending time outdoors, going to the beach, going to the park, kicking the ball in your back garden, they're going to realize that there's this balance, yes, I've got to pursue education, I've got to know how to read I've got to know how to write have gotten learn my tables, I've got to know one plus one is two, I've got to learn all of that, in order to become the scientists that I've

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decided I want to become I want to learn about stars. In order to know all of that I've got to follow this process, inshallah. And finally, accepting your child for what he or she is, and learning to say to them. I love you for the effort that you've made. Absolutely, I think it's very beautifully and eloquently summarize, the important thing in life is this, that in the end, whatever you do with your children, if you can convey through your own conduct, what is life purpose? Why are we on this earth, and if you could share, for example, the legacy left behind by others who made a difference to society, talking about Nabi sallallahu, wasallam, the Sahaba talking about people like

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abney, but to others that contributed to the sciences. So you understand a being Muslim is not only fulfilling your Islamic obligations in a narrow sense, it's also making a significant contribution to the upliftment of society and how beautiful it is. When you speak to your child, and you say Fatima shamima what are you gonna do to leave the world a better place?