7 Habits Of Successfully Raising Muslim Children

Bilal Philips


Channel: Bilal Philips

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AI: Summary © The speakers discuss the importance of raising children in order to benefit from the social and political culture of the Muslim community. They stress the need for parents to be true believers in Islam and practice the Sunatera for their children, as well as avoiding false expectations and working on one's own behavior to achieve better outcomes. The speakers also emphasize the importance of developing strong character, learning to be disciplined, and avoiding hitting as much as possible. They stress the need for disciplined learning and avoiding hitting as much as possible, as children may develop different characteristics and develop different behaviors.
AI: Transcript ©
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Salatu was Salam

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Allah Allah was Javi woman is standing vicinity Rama Deen

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operates due to alarm, a lot of Peace and blessings in the last prophet muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, and and all those who follow the path of righteousness until the last day.

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This topic, the rights of the children, actually, I have entitled it

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seven habits for successfully raising Muslim children.

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the material which I will present to you, actually

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is a product of some research done by one of my wives

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who was

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about to raise

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a Muslim child. And

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she wanted to do

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some research.

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She went and met

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parents whom

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she knew,

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had raised righteous children.

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And she wanted to try to gather, what were the factors, what were the habits, the character characteristics, which these parents had, which made them able to successfully raise Muslim children

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for herself to benefit from and that research material she put together and made a presentation amongst the sisters, this is an author,

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I have taken that same material, and I will be presenting it to you in this particular context. And the context of the seven habits for successfully raising Muslim children.

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The first thing that we must address

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is the fundamental goal

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of raising Muslim children.

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That this goal

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should be distinct and different from the goals of raising children in general.

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The society teaches

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children should be raised for particular purposes.

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And Islamic Society teaches that children should be raised for

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particular purposes, there may be some overlapping, which is natural. But the goals of the Muslim family of Muslim parents in raising Muslim children

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should be raising righteous Muslims. That should be clear. The goal is to raise righteous Muslims, not merely children who identify culturally

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with the Islamic culture. Or we could really call it the Muslim culture from which we come. Because Islamic culture and Muslim culture may be at variance.

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Muslim culture may involve and include many other things which are really not a part and parcel of Islamic culture.

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So oftentimes, the goals that people have set for themselves is to raise children who conform with the culture, which they have inherited. But what we're talking about is really raising them in accordance with Islamic culture.

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Truly Islamic culture, and as such, they should be raised righteous Muslims.

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So parents should have high goals and expectations for the children.

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For true Muslims, the highest possible goal, an expectation

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is none other than paradise. The profits are solemn, was reported Bible Herrera to have promised paradise for the child raised a righteous Muslim. He said sobre todo de leeuw la Tyler fee Lily, yo ma La Villa de la Vela, e Ma Ma de Lune washa bon Nasha FA barra de la seven will be shaded by a law in the shade. On a day when there will be no shade besides his shade,

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a just ruler, and a youth who grows up worshipping a law

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that should be our goal as parents to raise children

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who will grow up worshiping a lot. Most people's high expectations of their children This is the reality in which we're living

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is focused on the dunya. So what a parent tends to think is I want my child to have a medical degree, an engineering degree or law degree. I want them to have these

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wonderful professions which earn a lot of money and have with them a lot of prestige, etc, etc. Now these goals are fine from an academic and vocational perspective. And they're needed by the Muslim community for its healthy survival, especially in this world in this time. However, they should not take precedence over the primary goal and the life of the Muslim paradise in the life to come.

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The spirits should desire for themselves and their children paradise as Allah Subhana Allah said in Surah a tour verse 21, we're levena amanu What about what about whom Maria to whom the man in Al hapuna be him laureato home mama Allah na whom min Amelie him min che. And for those who believe and whose offspring follow them in faith, I will join their offspring with them and I will not decrease their rewards in any way.

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Now, the first habit

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the first habit, for those who wants to successfully raise Muslim children

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is taqwa

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From the perspective of the children, it is the right of children that their parents be righteous.

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It is the right of children that their parents be righteous.

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The question arises when should Islamic bringing begin?

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The reality is that tarbiyah Islamic upbringing starts before the child is born

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and continues from the time of its birth.

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A student once asked his teacher about raising his child who was at that time one year old. And the teacher replied, You have already missed the boat.

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If you're asking when the child is already one, you've already missed the boat.

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Because it starts back with the parents.

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Parents desiring righteous children should themselves be righteous.

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They must work on themselves, their relationship with a law, their knowledge, their character, and so on and so forth.

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This habit does not refer to the principle of being a good example.

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That is the third habit.

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This habit refers to the principle that if people are themselves righteous, a law will make their children righteous.

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As one of the fruits of taqwa

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taqwa piety, fear of Allah has fruits among those fruits, his righteous children.

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For example,

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in the Quranic story of Moses, and

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when Hitler explained that he rebuilt the wall because Allah wanted him to protect

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tekt a treasure left for two orphans that was beneath the wall. He added at the end of his statement, what can abou Houma salejaw

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and their father was a righteous man.

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Some of the early scholars used to tell their children. Indeed, I make extra formal prayers, no awful for your sake.

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They used to recite the verse, will can abou masala Ha.

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So that the righteousness of the parents would affect the children that they would benefit from their righteousness. Thus parents must be sure that their own Atiba is in intact, that they have a close relationship with a law, they must put this

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into practice. It is not enough to know the academic details, but that aqeedah must be lived, for example, Muslims, and knowing the fundamentals of tawheed know that among a lot of names is a result the provider therefore, they should seek their provisions through halaal sources and leave the outcome to a law.

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This is what they should do if we have that correct belief with regards to our laws, names and attributes,

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knowing his names and attributes and

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internalizing them requires us to live in accordance with the fact that Allah is our Rosa.

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So what does that mean?

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It means that

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people will not sacrifice

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the pack paradise will not sacrifice the life to come for the sake of provision in this life.

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What happens today is that people's main focus is the dunya

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and that is given precedence.

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They put all of their energies into it

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at the expense of their children and their religion.

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So, most Muslims today are caught up in Riba in one way or another.

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Or they migrate to non Muslim countries in order to ensure their children's future.

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Future what future future as lawyers, doctors, etc, etc. economic future

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in many cases, the priority becomes making money and saving it and the law is forgotten.

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They do nothing for the pleasure of a law.

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And some of the better cases they just do their five times daily prayers and no more.

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However, the way to ensure their future in both the dunya and the Acura is to have Taqwa as the law said Romania tequila, Allahu Maharajah, whereas Zhu min highflyer Amaya tawakkol Allah for her hospital.

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And whoever fears a law than a law will make a way out for him and provide for him from places he never imagined. And whoever trusts in a law will find him sufficient.

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So parents

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have to live Islam, they have to internalize it and act in accordance with it. With its nakida with its creed, parents should also practice the Sunnah. This is part of the creed to live in accordance with the way of Prophet Muhammad Sallallahu wasallam. And to do so as to avoid innovation. Because as Abbas SLM said, Every innovation is misguidance could not be attained Allah, Allah

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and every form of misguidance ultimately leads to the hellfire.

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We should understand that beta in general, is a satanic shortcut

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offered to lazy Muslims, people who don't want to do what the law has required of them to do. So there are shortcuts offered. You just do this. Pray to the saint and you will have guaranteed results if you tried to pray to Allah it's not going to work.

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But if you pray to the saint, you're covered.

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So these satanic shortcuts, actually destroys a person's religion.

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And such a person could not possibly be given righteous children.

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Because Allah gives righteous to the righteous. It's not to say that a lion is greatness cannot take righteous children from unrighteous parents, or that he may not give unrighteous children to righteous parents because we know Prophet Noah had an unrighteous son. As you mentioned in the crime, that's reality. However, what we're talking about is the norm. We're not talking about the exception, we talk about the norm.

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So parents themselves must keep away from sins.

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The ends don't justify the means they must be aware also of the insignificant sins. As the prophet SAW, Selim was reported by saheliyon inside to have said, beware of the scorned sins.

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There are like people who camp in the bottom of a valley

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and one comes with a twig and another comes with a twig until they make a bonfire and bake the bread. Indeed, scoring sins whenever they are adopted, they destroy those who do them.

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So the parents themselves in order to ensure their chances for getting righteous children, they must themselves be righteous.

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The second habit is da dries the weapon of the believer.

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It is the right of Muslim children, that their parents pray for them.

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Pray for them, even before they're born.

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That their right their parents make law,

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when they have relations, as a province are seldom prescribed.

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And Allah described the righteous worshipers of himself by the Rockman as making the following do our job and I have learned I mean, as Regina was the reality Tina kurata iron

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ore Lord grant us from our spouses and children, a coolness to our eyes.

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And this was the way of the profits. We find prophet Zechariah praying to Allah saying Rob be happily mendonca return Paiva in nikka, Sameera da Oh my Lord, grant me from yourself a good offspring. You are indeed they all hear of invocation. And Allah answered his prayer.

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saying, Hi Nana Mila Donna was sakata Well, Karnataka Oberon Diwali day he will amico ninja Baron, I'll see ya. I made him yahia compassionate and pure from sins, and he was righteous and dutiful towards his parents, and he was neither arrogant nor disobedient.

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So we should make as parents sincere draw for righteous children

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sincere to our should come from the bottom of our hearts with a certainty that our do our will be answered as Abu huraira related to the prophet SAW Solomon said, or the law and to move on to build a Java

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while Alamo and aloha lion statue Buddha and Calvin have often in law, call on the law, being certain that your prayers will be answered, but know that the law does not answer the prayers of a negligent playful heart. So when we make dua for righteous children, it's not just getting the dog from the Quran or from the Sunnah, and just repeating it ritualistically it is reflecting on that dua and saying it with the full force of our hearts and our souls.

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sincere draw will only be accepted from the righteous. As the prophet SAW, Selim explained

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in a hadith in which he said, Oh people Indeed Allah is good and pure and he accepts

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only what is good and pure. Indeed, Allah has commanded the believers to do what he commanded the messengers. Then he recited the verse all messengers eat from the good things and do righteous deeds indeed

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I'm well acquainted with whatever you do. And they also recited the verse, all you believe it from the good things that I've provided for you. Then he mentioned, like a man on a long journey who's here was disheveled and dusty, raising his hands up to the sky saying, oh my lord, oh my lord, but his place of eating was Haram. His place of drinking was hot, um, his clothing was hot, um, and his body was fed with hot ROM, how could his prayers be answered as a result of that.

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when we talk about making sincere da, we must have also the necessary conditions for that sincere art to be accepted. So we tried to fulfill them as much as we can, we tries to choose the optimum times for the law.

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And we try to make sure that the other conditions are fulfilled. Also, one aspect of drama for our children is choosing a good name for our children.

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By choosing the names of the righteous, righteous of the generation before us, this becomes a kind of draw for our child. Also, if we choose the names, which have good meanings, this is also a form of

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taking a good omen out of that name, which is permitted promise asylum permitted this element of Omen taking when he forbade all others. So choosing good names for our children, not traditional tribal, national names, but good names, names of good meaning, either those which the prophet SAW Selim recommended up the line up the rock man, or those of people among the Sahaba. So when your child asks you, what does this name mean, you're able to tell them something good, either in its meaning or who had that name, as an example to them.

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The third habit

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is, as I said earlier, the example

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and this is perhaps the hardest habit to develop. It is the rights of Muslim children, that their parents be good examples to them.

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religiosity and character play a major role

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in the rearing of righteous children.

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One cannot get away with telling children to do things which they don't do a lot of curses in the Koran. I thought Marula NASA will bury with and so on and Suzaku

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view command people to righteousness and forget, forget yourselves

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the saying, Do as I say not as I do, this doesn't work.

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Yes, we may be able to force them on that basis. But the children will not learn righteousness that way. They will not be raised truly righteous, they will be hypocrites. They will do it because you said Do as I say, it doesn't matter what I do, you do as I say, so therefore you do it.

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If the Mother Mother is modest and shy, she wears hijab, then the daughters will be that way. If the mother is gentle, the children will be gentle.

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If the children see the mother exerts herself to worship or law, then they will want to copy her. If she yells and screams and hits, then they will do the same. If she controls her anger, so will the children have parents, especially the mother are not affectionate and kind, compassionate and merciful. The children will not be

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if the mother back bites, so will the children

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as the mother lies, so will the child. Often parents teach how to lie.

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For example, if someone calls the house and the parents don't want to speak to that person, they tell the child tell them I'm not here.

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They've just taught them how to lie.

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Or the mother may tell the girl or the son to hide certain things from the Father. She does things that the father's told her not to do. So she'll tell the kids don't tell your father.

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Well, she's teaching them how to lie.

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Parents should try to make themselves the best possible example

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of the best possible example of good character because character is something which is

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Can mostly be learned by example.

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character, the prophet SAW Salam summed up Islam as being a religion of good character. He said in my boys to the minimum Academy flock I was only sent to perfect for you the highest of moral character traits. So he stressed the importance of character. We have to be as parents, that example. And prophet SAW Selim in the prayers that he made in the beginning

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of Salah his formal prayers.

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He used to make it dry in the middle of it saying, why didn't he accent in a headlock Leia De La appsanywhere illa and was superfan nice a liar suitor for anime, say, England or LA guide me to the best of manners? Four, no one can guide to the best of them except you and take me away from the worst of manners, for surely no one can keep the rest of manners away, except you. So we asked her out to a lot to help us to develop good manners. And we have to make the effort ourselves to to be manually to be good in our manners, even if it means even if it means pretending

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if we pretend

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to be good mannered,

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eventually, that mannerism will be acquired because, you know, some people say well,

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having good manners, I mean, controlling one's temper, temper and being patient. And these are the kinds of things some people just seem to be born that way, while the rest of us we can't seem to do it. Well, the problem is on Selamat said, Maya sub bar, you Sabir hola whoever pretends to be patient with the desire wanted to do in that obviously for the pleasure of Allah

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then Allah will give him patience. So character can be gained can be achieved by trying to do them even though internally we don't feel them. Because one may know intellectually, yes, you should control your anger. But when the time of anger comes, what happens, we still get angry in an uncontrolled way. So therefore, what we have to do is to force ourselves

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to pretend

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while desiring Allah, that Allah help us to develop this characteristic.

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Parents should want the children to know real Islam,

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which might seem strange, due to the many non Islamic influences in the outer world. Therefore, they should want to be the strongest influence in their children's lives. This is among the most the strongest methods which problems are seldom used in raising the generation of the Sahaba. When he arrived in Medina, he taught them from the very beginning to take

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whatever they needed of Islam from him, he was the example he was the guide. So many times you hear him saying that

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you should be good to your wives, you know, and I am the best of you, and I am the best to my wives, you know, he makes that comparison giving himself as the example.

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The fourth habit

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to attain

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righteous children is what is known as attachment parenting, from the very beginning attachment parenting, meaning that it is the right of the children to be loved, to be treated in a loving fashion that begins with the breastfeeding of the child.

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The mother keeps the child close to her maintains that contact that physical contact, a last one to Allah prescribed two years of breastfeeding, Western culture went away from breastfeeding forever variety of different reasons. In the end, they came back and they now tell parents that it's best for you to breastfeed and they tried to promote it on a large scale, but Islam stressed it right there in the Quran. It's the right of the child. As long as the woman is able she's capable, then to she should breastfeed them for those two years. And that provides a warm

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beginning for the child.

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child is in direct contact with the mother. And that exchange that contact is important in the psychological development of the child. Scientifically, it's been proven that the first five years are most crucial in forming the future personality of the child.

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Most of the problems of teenagers come from the early period of childhood.

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So children need love to help stabilize their characters. And the prophet SAW Selim stressed

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that one who is not merciful and loving to their children is not us. This was his way. Of course, even in those days, you know, people used to have this natural kind of thing you know, that kissing and cuddling and these type of things with children is, you know, for men who don't do this. On one occasion, Prophet monks on solemn kissed one of the kids, it was hassanal Husayn and another companion by the name of after I've been habits, he saw him do this. And he turned to another companion said, I've got 10 kids and I've never kissed one of them.

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And the prophet SAW, Selim turned to him and said, Man, lie or hum, liar have

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one who is not merciful, will not receive mercy.

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Islam, the way is a merciful, loving and kind way.

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So the guiding of the children, the directing of the children should be done in as loving a way as possible. quality time, personal attention should be given to them. We talked before about communication, that we have to develop lines of communication with the children, it's very important giving them quality time, not just, you know, brief passing time,

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but to give them real time for them, for you to know them, and for them to know you.

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when dealing with the children,

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one should know

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what to focus on.

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One should avoid being harsh.

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Wherever something may be done through kindness,

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it's better to do that than through harshness.

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So the fourth habit is bonding with the children developing a good solid bond of love and affection with the children, that's going to make a big difference in their upbringing.

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The fifth habit is education. It is the rights of Muslim children, that they be educated islamically

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that they be educated islamically most of us understand Yes, that they be educated. But our focus is not islamically it's just being educated. We said before going to the best schools,

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getting the highest degrees, etc, etc. But it is educated islamically when the prophet SAW Selim said tolerable me for it Allah, Allah Muslim seeking knowledge is compulsory for every Muslim, he meant. Islamic knowledge first and foremost. Yes, gaining other knowledge is useful, it is beneficial. One doesn't write it off. But Islamic knowledge is what is important, and that should begin from the earliest ages we should give them aqidah that is where our faith begins. From the very beginning. The first word that the child should learn if possible, should be Allah. Let it be a law rather than Baba and Mama, you know, Baba mama is good too. But you know Allah is better.

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When the child is putting his first two sentences together, teach him that Allah is

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above Eliza

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is not here. They're everywhere.

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Not inside this and inside that and inside the other, which the world is confused about.

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But at the same time we teach him or her son in law knows everything. Yes, ally is above. But he knows and he sees everything.

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We should instill in them a love of a law and a

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fear of Allah from the very beginning,

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we should bring them up en la ilaha illAllah Muhammad Rasulullah

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we should talk about heaven and hell.

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Even from the early childhood, I know Western upbringing principles of raising children say No, you shouldn't teach the children you know horrible, evil type

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scenes and concepts, you know, punishment in Hellfire people burning and no, no, it's not good. Don't put it in the child's mind. Just give the child Love, love, love, everything is good, Rosie No.

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A lot teaches about heaven and hell.

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The child should be aware of heaven and hell.

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We're doing good things. To try to achieve Heaven, we don't necessarily need to go into all of the fine details of what goes on in heaven and hell. Of course, if the child asks some details, whatever you give them what is necessary, but let them know this is a good place. And there's a bad place.

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There is a consequence you do good, you go to the good place, you do bad, it will take you to the bad place you try to avoid a bad place. You know, there is no harm in raising children without consciousness.

00:36:27--> 00:36:59

We should let them understand about the day of judgment that they will be held to account that even though we as parents may not see you doing certain things a law sees and he will hold you to account. So they should develop that sense of doing righteous they deeds even when authorities aren't around exam, we strive to give them that consciousness of a son.

00:37:03--> 00:37:12

Also, we should instill in them a love for the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam because that is our Shahada.

00:37:13--> 00:37:15

Muhammad Rasul Allah,

00:37:16--> 00:37:39

it should be something which is a part and parcel of their lives, he should be the greatest symbol not Superman, not the x men, nono, people with all these powers that people tend to attract, become become attracted to and attached to superheroes. No.

00:37:41--> 00:38:21

The hero for them should be Rasulullah sallallahu wasallam and the prophets in general, but the Prophet Prophet Mohammed Salah Salem in particular, they should develop, we should help them to develop a love for and they can only love him, if they know him. know him in the sense that they know about him. So in our raising them they should be they should be raised on stories about Prophet Muhammad Sallallahu wasallam his role what he did for us how he guided us our Islam came from him he's the one who showed us the way showing us the way to paradise etc, etc.

00:38:23--> 00:38:23


00:38:25--> 00:38:35

as part and parcel of the education we should develop formal lessons for our children in Akita and o'clock

00:38:37--> 00:38:39

from the earliest ages

00:38:43--> 00:39:17

we should start the children with prayer when they're young just as prophesied Solomon said, teach your children Salah when they're seven by the time they seven they should know Salah knowing Salah doesn't mean merely that they stand up when you stand up, they raise their hands they bow but if you step away, they're lost. No, they haven't learned Salah they're only doing while you're doing or even if they learn and they can do it on their own. They don't really know what they're saying what they're doing they don't make will do and

00:39:18--> 00:39:55

learning Salah means learning Salah Salah is not accepted without will do. Yes, there are children. So issues of Salah is not really there, meaning reward and punishment, you get the reward and punishment. You get the reward when they pray. Just as you get the reward. When they make Hodge you get the reward when they fast you get the reward, but at the same time you're training them. So you train them properly. You train them to do as best as they can. So you teach them how to do they should learn how to do when they make the law they should cover themselves. You know the little girls should wear hijab

00:40:00--> 00:40:26

Also, in general, you know, children love stories, we said that before we should tell them stories of the prophets of Salaam. You know, there are also stories about the Sahaba. And these kinds of things, you know, many books now have been produced, you know about the lives of the Sahaba and the righteous of the past, we should read these things to them, you know, as bedtime stories, etc, try to read as much of that to them as possible.

00:40:28--> 00:40:49

We should take advantage of their strong memories in those early years, their memories are extremely sharp. It is in those early years, that the earlier generation used to memorize the Quran by the time they were seven, or at least by the time they were 10 they memorize the whole of the Quran.

00:40:51--> 00:40:55

If that is possible, we should give that to our children.

00:40:56--> 00:41:01

I mean, what, what greater blessing can we do, but to give them the Quran?

00:41:02--> 00:41:08

Of course, it has to be done in a proper way. So that the children are not

00:41:10--> 00:41:36

learning the Quran, with a stick over their head. And because sometimes this doesn't work, we teach children the Quran. But unfortunately, people in many of the Quran schools around the Muslim world today, the methods which they employ, actually destroy the love of the Quran, in the hearts of many of the children.

00:41:37--> 00:41:43

Because they brutalize them, yes, so you can't learn without the stick, we have to have a stick.

00:41:46--> 00:41:56

Yes, the children do need a little bit of pressure. You know, there are times when they do need some pressure, but not to the extent that I've seen in many schools

00:41:57--> 00:41:58

around the Muslim world.

00:42:00--> 00:42:06

Most of the places I've visited Muslim addresses etc. Where people learn Quran.

00:42:08--> 00:42:10

It's not done in a loving way.

00:42:11--> 00:42:14

And the children leave the schools scarred.

00:42:18--> 00:42:30

So yes, we should take advantage of the strong memory. But we should try to do it in a way which is going to endear the Quran to them, not turn them off from the crime.

00:42:34--> 00:42:37

And we should make Rukia on them. A part of the

00:42:38--> 00:42:39


00:42:40--> 00:42:57

that we should impart is the making of Rukia. before they go to bed at night, they should learn to once they learn to make the they can recite some Quran, they know to make the three equals wiping it over themselves is a form of Rukia they should do it for themselves, we should do it for them.

00:42:59--> 00:43:00


00:43:02--> 00:43:03

we should use

00:43:05--> 00:43:29

whatever day to day experiences that the children have that we find them in, use them as lessons to teach them, teach them something about Islam, teach the girls modesty with the hijab, no teach the boys some senses of responsibility. And we should have in our homes, an Islamic library.

00:43:30--> 00:43:58

We should gather books, tapes, videos, CDs, whatever, we should have a sufficient range of media, you know, information and material, that the children who oftentimes are attracted to visual things, we have enough for them there that they don't feel a need to run out and watch other materials which are destructive.

00:44:02--> 00:44:04

The sixth habit

00:44:06--> 00:44:12

a sixth habit is to provide a positive environment.

00:44:14--> 00:44:31

That is, it is the right of children, that they have a good environment, meaning the home the household should be an Islamic household is not an Islamic household simply because we have on the wall ayatul kursi.

00:44:33--> 00:44:44

You know people have you can buy our two currency in Habib's bookstore, whatever. And nicely framed written in gold letters, we put it on the wall. So now we have an Islamic household. No.

00:44:46--> 00:44:54

This is not what makes an Islamic household. what goes on inside of that household is what determines whether it's Islamic or not.

00:44:55--> 00:45:00

So we should have all

00:45:00--> 00:45:02

have the necessary things in the home,

00:45:03--> 00:45:16

which show the child in the home environment and Islamic example, this is going back also to the example example in the parents example in the environment in which they live.

00:45:18--> 00:46:01

So, parents should maintain an a peaceful environment in the home, the home should be peaceful, it should be free of conflict. I mean, of course, between husband and wife, there is going to be some conflict, but it should be done behind closed doors quietly, of course, can be bancor doors, and there's banging and smashing in on it, but quietly, children don't know what's going on. Okay, you can say this is kind of hypocrisy better than to see how you really are no, of course, not better. You know, sometimes it's not better sometimes, yes, it is better to know the reality of things. And sometimes it's not, because they will not understand they will not be able to interpret that. So we

00:46:01--> 00:46:23

try to keep some those conflicts etc. Behind closed doors, children shouldn't see their mother, you know, acting in a disobedient fashion to their father, similar in that they shouldn't see the father insulting the mother, you know, this is a negative environment, home environment for the children.

00:46:24--> 00:46:28

And also, parents should be consistent.

00:46:29--> 00:47:01

In dealing with the children, it shouldn't be that mother says this. And then you can run to dad and dad will say that, you know, so you know, whenever mother's too harsh, you go to die whenever dad's too harsh, but the mom, because the kids, they quickly learned this and they play off one against the other, you know, they become experts at it. So it is important that there is consistency. And the child asks you something you don't know what your wife has said on it. You ask them what did your mom say?

00:47:03--> 00:47:22

Oh, she said, Well, let me check with your mom first. Go back and check with mom. Same thing with mom, checking with Father, what did father actually say? or What does father think on this matter? So you come up to a come up to a unified position on particular issues.

00:47:24--> 00:47:26

The home as I said,

00:47:27--> 00:47:32

as an environment, we should hear Koran, reading in the home,

00:47:35--> 00:47:39

the media, the various issues of media in the home, it should be Islamic.

00:47:42--> 00:48:04

We should also invite to the home religious people. So we create a religious environment. In our home process, Allah said that only the righteous should eat your food. Meaning that those people will eat to bring right into your home to eat along with you and your family, etc, they should be righteous people. So there are parts of the environment of the home, they're part of what makes a home Islamic.

00:48:07--> 00:48:14

Also, the home should be free of an Islamic magazine books, etc.

00:48:17--> 00:48:19

And we should also

00:48:21--> 00:49:03

teach the children and this is a part of our environment. Now how to deal with people who do what we told them not to do. We ourselves, we try to avoid these things. So we tell them don't do it. So we don't do it. And they don't do it. But they're gonna see people who do it. So what do we do? Of course, we have to let them know it's wrong. We can tell them it's okay for them without okay for us. No, it's wrong. But of course, the children you know, they have to be taught a certain amount of diplomacy, because children once you tell them this is wrong, they're quick to run up to that person say, Hey, why are you doing this? You know,

00:49:04--> 00:49:14

you shouldn't be doing this, you know, and it can get embarrassing sometimes. But the bottom line is that they need to know what's wrong.

00:49:15--> 00:49:24

And even if they embarrass you, sometimes it's better that than you, you know, creating this kind of vague

00:49:26--> 00:49:30

understanding about right and wrong in these matters,

00:49:34--> 00:49:36

as I said, would

00:49:37--> 00:49:48

create a good environment. For the children. This is the positive environment, the method or the habit number six.

00:49:49--> 00:49:54

That involves the home as we spoke about as well as what is outside the home.

00:49:55--> 00:50:00

So when we're choosing schools, we should try to put our children in Islamic schools.

00:50:01--> 00:50:07

Even if the Islamic school may be of a lower academic standard than

00:50:08--> 00:50:10

the regular school, the government school

00:50:12--> 00:50:14

or another private school,

00:50:15--> 00:50:37

it may be a higher standard producing, you know, specialists on another level, we would like our children to have these specializations. But what is more important is their Islamic upbringing. So it's better to put a child put our children in Islamic schools of inferior academic

00:50:38--> 00:50:55

than to put them in non Muslim schools of superior academics. That's the bottom line of all we have to survive in this world. You know, this is a world which gives favor to those who are superior academically, well, we don't know the future.

00:50:57--> 00:51:02

And it's with a law. And our duty is to give them the best that we can while we can.

00:51:04--> 00:51:38

So we choose the Islamic school. Well, of course, we should strive to upgrade those Islamic schools. I'm not saying just leave the school as it is, we see their academics are low, what do we do? We just say okay, Mashallah. No, we should tell them and advise them, says I duty to tell them listen, you know, why should our Islamic schools be of inferior academics, they shouldn't be in some countries in the Muslim world. And in the non Muslim world, where there Muslim schools, these these Muslim schools are at the top, they compete with the top private schools, the top

00:51:39--> 00:51:41

institutions in the country,

00:51:42--> 00:52:00

their students win the top prizes that can be so it is not a must that Islamic schools have to be of inferior academics. But I'm just saying, if that's what's in front of us, then we know we have to make the right choice to create the right environment for our children.

00:52:03--> 00:52:04

The seventh habit

00:52:06--> 00:52:09

is that we have to

00:52:11--> 00:52:12


00:52:14--> 00:52:20

a systematic method of disciplining our children, it has to be systematic.

00:52:22--> 00:52:48

On one hand, we say it's the right of children that they be disciplined properly. On one hand, we should avoid hitting as much as possible. Facts. Some scholars say that children shouldn't even be hit until they're the age of 10. Because problems are solved. I mentioned that same idea I mentioned earlier, as you teach your children Salah when they're seven, and spank them for it when they're 10. So they said,

00:52:49--> 00:52:53

Salah is the most important thing.

00:52:55--> 00:53:12

And if we're not allowed to spank them for the most important thing until they're 10, then for lesser things of lesser importance, surely we shouldn't spank them. until they're 10. This is HD had right reasoning. And parents.

00:53:13--> 00:53:23

Practically speaking, raising kids often find even those parents who raise good and righteous kids often find that you may have to hit them before they're 10.

00:53:25--> 00:53:49

But the point is that it should be done properly as a last resort, not as the first resort, not when you're angry, you know, so the child learns, avoid mom or dad, when they're angry, they didn't learn don't do this, they learn just avoid that when you see red in their eyes. They lo be good. No, it should be consistent in how we deal with them.

00:53:50--> 00:53:51


00:53:52--> 00:54:10

on one hand, we apply discipline where necessary. And of course, in this environment, where just point out your children can be taken away from you. So we're quick and if you're found to be hit, don't do it, you have to be very prudent in how you apply this in the room.

00:54:11--> 00:54:19

What on the other hand, we have to use what they call positive reinforcement and doing good things about reinforcement, meaning

00:54:21--> 00:54:27

reward them for it. Let them feel that there is good in being good.

00:54:32--> 00:54:43

And part of being able to discipline them systematically, is knowing the characteristics of children in the early years.

00:54:45--> 00:55:00

People have studied this. Children at the age of two, maybe become rebellious. They call it the terrible twos. Well known at three they love to play a lot. At four. They ask many questions and they want

00:55:00--> 00:55:36

answers are five, they love to imitate and copy at six, they like to stand out and be noticed, and so on and so forth, you know, at different ages, you find different characteristics appearing. So if you are aware of them, then you can deal with them in the appropriate manner, you can understand this is natural for children to develop these characteristics of these times, and so therefore, you work with them, you don't just want to where did this come from? Satan has you, you know, let's exercise them get some sticks and beat them. No, no.

00:55:37--> 00:56:10

Listen, this, this is natural developments. All children go through these, you know, I mean, I know myself, a lot of people come to me with these issues. You know, my, I think agenda has got my kid, you know, no, no agenda as your kid, as your child is just going through its natural, you know, stages, and we should learn it. We should know about children, how can you raise kids if you don't really know, how they are, how they develop. So it is important to have this kind of knowledge in order to be able to discipline them effectively. So

00:56:11--> 00:56:15

these, and there are others are

00:56:16--> 00:56:25

some of the primary habits of those parents who have successfully raised children.

00:56:26--> 00:56:28

It is important for us

00:56:29--> 00:56:42

to try those of us that are raising children currently, or plan to raise children, or who have raised children, we need to look back and see how do we fit on the scale?

00:56:44--> 00:56:46

Where we pious parents,

00:56:48--> 00:56:58

where we righteous parents ourselves, that we should wander? Why did our children turn out like this? So where did that come from? What kind of behavior is this? Where did it come from?

00:56:59--> 00:57:01

Do we deserve righteous children?

00:57:03--> 00:57:05

Did we make dua for our children?

00:57:08--> 00:57:10

Did we just let things happen as they happen?

00:57:12--> 00:57:15

We didn't trust in a lot. We didn't turn to a law.

00:57:17--> 00:57:22

Were we good examples ourselves in terms of their behavior?

00:57:23--> 00:57:42

And where are we loving, compassionate and caring? Were we attached to our children? Or did we deal with them in a detached manner? So our children couldn't even speak to us? They can't come to us with their problems. We're in one Valley, and they're in another?

00:57:45--> 00:57:55

Did we educate them? islamically? Did we give them what they needed to be able to understand Islam and to practice it?

00:57:56--> 00:58:05

And did we create for them a positive environment. And in environment, which you could say, a righteous child

00:58:07--> 00:58:53

should be raised in such an environment. So when we have an unrighteous child in front of us, we can say this was an exception is the test from Allah, Allah has put this test on me, we can honestly say that I'm not really say we have in fact produced this child. We are the ones who created that environment, that negative environment in which the child was raised. And finally, we have to ask ourselves, where we consistent in how we discipline our children, or did we brutalize them? Did they grew up to hate us? Because we, when we were upset, would beat them, as they say, you know, beat them to avoid beating they would never forget, you know, we tell them you'll never forget this

00:58:53--> 00:58:54

beating here.

00:58:55--> 00:59:06

Did we? Did we do that? Did we scar their minds? So in fact, yes. They never forgot. And they still look at us and shake their heads.

00:59:07--> 00:59:09

What kind of parents were we?

00:59:10--> 00:59:36

I asked a lot to guide us to understand our responsibility as parents to raise a generation of righteous children to not repeat the mistakes that our parents made. That are the earlier generation made. That if we made the mistake with one, then we tried to correct ourselves with the other.

00:59:37--> 00:59:53

Doesn't matter if the one says but when I was that age, you didn't use you used to beat me for that you used to do this used to do well, okay, tell them I'm sorry. You know, it wasn't really right. I'm trying to do the right thing now. It's never too late to learn.

00:59:56--> 00:59:59

Sharla that is all the time that we have available.

01:00:00--> 01:00:01


01:00:02--> 01:00:26

there are questions which have piled up and I'm sure you probably have a number of other questions you'd like to ask too, but we'll have to save those for tonight in the panel session, inshallah we'll try to answer as much of those questions as possible. Keep the program as brief as possible and focus on your questions. So Veronica lava Mohammed aka, the shadow Allah, Allah and the stock Federico and tulelake