Raising Our Children

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Ali Albarghouthi

Channel: Ali Albarghouthi

Episode Notes

How do we thank Allah for the blessing of having children? What is our responsibility towards them? How do we raise them right?

Episode Transcript

© No part of this transcript may be copied or referenced or transmitted in any way whatsoever. Transcripts are auto-generated and thus will be be inaccurate. We are working on a system to allow volunteers to edit transcripts in a controlled system.


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Hi

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in 100 in

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one of the villa immaturely unforeseen our sejahtera Marina Maja de la, la la la la la, la, la la

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la la la la la

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one Mohammed Abu Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa ala alihi wa sahbihi wa sallam

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in hiral Howdy.

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Howdy howdy Mohammed sallallahu alayhi wa sallam were shalom.

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Shalom

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Simona Hakuna Matata.

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All praise and thanks to belong to Allah, the Most High and the Most Merciful we thank him and we seek his aid and help and his protection from the evil of ourselves in the sins that we commit. Indeed who serve Allah guides no one can lead astray and whosoever largely destroyed no one can guide never witness that there is no one worthy of worship except Allah alone. And then Hamad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam is His Servant and Messenger. The best of speech is the book of Allah. And the best of guidance, the guidance of hematol Allahu alayhi wa sallam and the worst of religious matters are those that are innovative. And every religious innovation is a bit down every bit as

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misguided and every misguidance have been hellfire.

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A loss of Hannah who

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have blessed us and continues to bless us with so many things in our lives.

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That they are beyond count beyond sometimes even recognition they're not on our radar.

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But when Allah reminds us of his favorites in the Quran, he reminds us of these favorites so that we take note of them, we thank them and we also preserve them.

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Because one of the problems when you do not recognize the papers of Allah upon you, is that you do not preserve that favor the name of Allah subhana wa Taala and one of those favors or luncheons, and the Iranian he says woman Aya T, and Kala Kala cumin and coochie coo

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and all these signs is that he had given you he had bestowed upon you makes from among your own kind

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so that you will find tranquility with them.

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Allah subhanho wa Taala could have made it that we would have lived our entire lives as individuals without this unit. Our could have also made the case that you only wanted to form a unit you would form a unit for someone who's not from your same kind, but from his Nana before we even finished

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it that is if you want evidence

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to point to all of existence, Allah's mercy, Allah's wisdom, Allah's power, stop and contemplate what he's doing

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doing in your own life and around you, so

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that he had created for you from among yourselves because if I were to ask you to find harmony and tranquility in mates that are not of your own kind, you won't be able to find that harmony. But when he made your mate liked you, looks like you thinks like you may have the same goal as you, you'd find harmony and comfort, commonality of goal

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and that brings tranquility.

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So we could have been living alone but Allah said, you will have companions on this earth, intimate companions that will push you towards me, that will take some of the burden off you that will give you solace when you need it. This is the loss of Hanover Darla and he had made between you

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and he had put between you. It's not just union based on benefits. It's actually based on affection and affection and mercy. And Allah created that among you. And that's when the name of Allah subhana wa Tada. And when you think about it, every name of allah needs to be thanked, recognize internally notice from a laws origin

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and return to thank Allah subhanho wa Taala

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if you're enjoying this,

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you need to step out and as someone who is actually looking for it and has not found it yet, if Allah had given you the name of a generous, merciful, loving me, as people who don't have it, if Allah had given you the number of generous, loving progeny, for people who do not have it, if Allah had given you the family unit, the people who do not have it, about the blessing

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and what that means, then you will begin to understand the greatness of a lost favor upon you that Allah has given you this, but it's not enough just to recognize you need to preserve you need to protect

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Allah subhana wa tada says,

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amazing. I was gonna ask you on that day about the band aid

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that you've enjoyed. If the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam at once said we are a gold

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cup of warm glass of water that you drink on a hot day is funding I in the law will ask you about what do you think when it comes to the major a lot giving you this wife this husband and also the children?

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profits a little low audio synonyms doesn't daddy that I imagine a lot of us know.

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homeschool runanga Yes, every single one of you is a shepherd.

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Shepherd has a flock, every one of you is a shepherd and will be asked about their flock.

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So the man is

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a shepherd responsible for his family in his family. He's responsible for them. Well, Morocco, PBT zoji hallelujah masala, Nanda Yeti, and a woman is also a shepherd in the house of her husband should be asked about it. And he continues and even says,

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female he abhi and the man is also a shepherd when it comes to the property, belongings of his parents. And you'll be asked about it sees the parent a lot. A lot of times we imagine that when we stand before Allah Subhana Allah, Allah will only ask us about our own selves.

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What did you do? What did you not do? We don't think that every one of us is

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responsible. I have people under me next to me that are responsible for a lot of last me about them. So when you are married, when you have children,

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husband, wife, son or daughter, you have responsibilities in the loss of kind of what the other will ask you about them, not only about who you are, what did you do, but about Did you fulfill your duties towards this person towards your spouse? Did you fulfill your duties towards your children and for the children? Didn't you fulfill your duties towards your parents?

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But it needs to be preserved? How do you preserve it? One of the common issues

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or one of the common causes behind the conflicts that you may find experienced

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hear about

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in the family is the distance from Allah Subhana

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Allah, Allahu Medina kobina know

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what is between you and Allah subhanho wa Taala and Allah will fix what is between you and humanity, which includes your family.

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One of the champion he said, This obey Allah subhanho wa Taala.

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He says, I disobey Allah subhana wa Taala commit a sin.

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And Disturbia is teaching us something that is fundamental in Islam. When we commit something wrong, when we're distant from Allah, we think that there are no repercussions,

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worldly fabrications before the worldly repercussions. So he says, I used to be a law on a no. And I noticed the consequence of that sin and Al manners, and my family and my rights. My animals, they don't listen, they disobey, they rebel, he's saying I could see the consequence. And that's what sin does.

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When a husband and a wife are having problems, one of the reasons that they're having problems, and I'm gonna say this is the only, but the main reason why they have problems is that they disobey Allah subhanho wa Taala. And they solve a relationship, because who gives this more than Rama, who gives this affection?

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Who gives this mercy? Who gives this respect in the family? A lot gives? Yes, you have to do something to maintain it. But a few this obey Allah, you anger a lot, you're distant from Allah, and you bringing this a thorn into your house into your relationship, expect as a consequence, as a definite consequence, the rebellion of the shavon in the manners of your spouse and in the manners of your children, and also with your parents, if you're a child complaining about your parents expected, they're expected to see the consequences, the working of the shavon, when you distance from Allah subhanho wa Taala. So this is annamma that we did not do not preserve. When we disobey

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Allah. It's an AMA that we do not preserve. When we rebel against the law, you want to thank Allah for it, blood giving you this person who says I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I want to walk with you on the path that takes us to a loss of Hannah what Allah has given you, this precious child. And he says, Take and receive.

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A lot of other people don't have even the capacity to get married.

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The money the ability to get married, they don't have

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of having children yet Allah said he was one and here is two. And after we get all of this, we neglected and we wasted, then we think, why isn't it protected? Why isn't it preserved? What can I do to maintain it, we need to maintain it by your being Allah subhana wa Tada. Because there when you see the example on the life of Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wasallam. And you're close to Allah, you begin to learn how to behave as a husband, how to behave as a wife, how to behave as a child, as a parent, you understand what to do, because the instructions are there, they are just waiting for you.

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A loss of Hannah what

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gives us children, as I said, and I want to focus the rest of this football on rearing children and taking care of them.

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So Panama, some people say

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the raising of the child

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starts 20 years before that child is born. starts with the parents. And that is very true.

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As you are your children will be as you invest in them, you'll get a return.

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So when you are thinking about having children, and I noticed that some of us

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already have them and hamdulillah some of them for some of us, they're already adults, you still there is still time. If you have not done things don't things right, there's still time to fix whatever you've done. So this is for everyone.

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But when you are thinking about a child, you have to first of all, ask yourself, what is my intention behind that child? Why am I having that child? What do I want from that child?

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Not just mechanical. I'm married, I'm gonna have children and that is it's not just emotional. I just feel like having children. These are natural emotions. But what else?

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Why And What is the point?

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What is the intention? And it's a loss of Hannah who what is the pleasure of Allah is the hereafter a factor in your decision? Can it be a factor in bringing up these children and guiding them It has to be

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among the things that he said he said, I would go actually in Sleep my wife, with my wife, I have no appetite for that actual intimate action. The only thing I want from it is to bring a soul into this room that will worship a loss of power.

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You understand what that means? The bring another servant to Allah subhana wa tada into this life, and you have the chance to shape them, to guide them. And then everything that they do every Vicar, every test, every La Ilaha Illa is yours.

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You cannot do that with any other human being, unless they accept Islam because of you. And even then, and even then it's not like a child, a child, when you die, they will make up who you are and raised you levels and levels and gender. So a lot has to be a factor from the beginning, before conception, before you're intimate with your spouse, because there's a dude out there.

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Is there a reason who you sleep with him or sleep with or there's a drought? Why is there a because my intention is I'm keeping a lie in mind. When the child is born. There's netiquette how you receive the child how do you do what do you do with the child? And again why is it there? Because then it's an etiquette and what is the etiquette there is a lies link to having that child and bringing that child up and in guiding that child.

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Combined Roku komatsuna was gonna ask you about that child while I'm giving you this Amana

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this child that is a blank slate

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white

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Are you are shaping them? What path do you put them on? It is the parents who lead them to the path of Christianity or Judaism or Islam and also what type of Islam what type of commitment.

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You are the teacher, the instructor, the role model of your child.

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Allah subhanho wa Taala will ask us about this

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was the Fulani.

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He was suddenly was suddenly Mohammed

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he was so happy he was

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they are a net loss of Hannah what to Allah and if Allah will ask us about them, then we have to be ready.

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And one of the things and Shall I want to share with you some recommendations, not exhaustive, but some recommendations. First of all, constant drive that a lot guides them constantly, either a law protects them constantly or the law will save them from temptation.

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You need to do that. And you need to put your trust to go effort is needed. Put your trust in Allah subhanho wa Taala rely upon Allah subhanho wa Taala because you could do everything you can, and you should.

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But still that may not work.

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And you know very well the story of new Halle, saddam and his son, you know very well of other prophets of Allah, Allah hemos Salatu was Salam that he had trouble with their own family members, you can never be as good as, as good as, as good as

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he was sitting them right and Mohammed could not even convince his own uncle. So you know, these things could happen. But you do your best. And in doing your best, your tawakkol ism Allah subhanho wa Taala we need to do this.

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Second of all, what time on how much time do you spend with them? Do you actually connect with them? Do you talk to them? Are you when you are raising them? are you raising responsible adults? Or are they already in their pre teens in their teens? And then beyond that, and they're still thinking and living as children?

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They'll be in their 20s and they're still acting as if they are children. No goal in life? no direction, no discipline. Where did this come from? Isn't it my in your fault?

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That we did not provide that structure for them. The Sahaba of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam they raised men and women. When they were around 14 and 15. They were ready to assume the greatest of responsibilities. Yes, the times are different. But also parenting is fundamental.

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When the only thing that you give them

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Go ahead with your friends go out,

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come back whenever you want you do there is no discipline, there's no monitoring, play with these games by them whatever they want. And you don't put a structure. And also importantly, you don't put a goal. What is the goal? What did you have them for? Just for the sake of having them just for the sake of having a name? Or is there a goal? What is their goal and plan that goal in them? A lot meet you. I'm Muslim worshipper of Allah, you have a goal. You're precious in Allah sight, don't waste your life, don't waste your talents. You have talents, use these talents, below the opportunities for them to use and cultivate these talents. No neglect them, and then come later, when it's too

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late and say, What can I do about them, you didn't take care of them, when they were young, pliable and flexible. And now after their body can steer toward harden, and they've already chosen a path in life. Now you want to come and ask them to change course, that's difficult.

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So plan this goal, plan the love of Allah in them, talk to them as an adult, yes, make them enjoy. Let them enjoy their childhood. But at the same time, talk to them as an adult.

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responsible, I'm expecting things from you. There's two great things that you can do with your life. The Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam both you can see a look at his interaction with handsome and pristine and how much affection he gave to them. Look at how far the model they allow us to love her father's a lot. He was in love. And when she would come, he would say sit next to me and he will talk to her Be gentle. There's a connection, you can be so distant and then expect them to listen to you. There's an emotional connection. There's a mental or an intellectual connection as well. When he's speaking to

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the son of his uncle Yehuda, mean, you

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go to that

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remainder of that party preserve a lot he will preserve you see how fresh is that?

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How did that how was he addressing Abdullah? Who was

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a young boy could comprehend. But a young boy, he was telling you before the law Yeah.

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How many of us take the time to speak to our children like that, to teach them these lessons.

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You want them to be Muslim, teach them Islam. You want them to be Muslim model Islam,

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model Islam.

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If I'm going to complain about a culture that they can acquire, that you dislike, and you find an Islamic,

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don't do the same when you put your own culture ahead of Islam, because they can see that

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there is something an Islamic in your culture, and you see that that's fine, we'll just do it.

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When someone gets married, when there was a wedding, or whatever it is celebrations.

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You see, Fine, let's do it.

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Your children will notice that you're breaking a law, they'll notice our hypocrisy.

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And then when we turn to them and say no, this is how I'm doing do it. This is head on, don't do it. In the back of their head, even if they don't say it, they'll notice our hypocrisy. You want them to follow what Allah wants. Now, whatever culture encoded or whatever, you follow what Allah wants. You put a lock code so that they can put a lock first. But you we just obey and we expect them to obey the law. Amazing. That doesn't happen. That does not happen. They run away from you.

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Be the model. If you want them to attend the mess Did you be in domestic. I see so many. So many who drop their children in the masjid. And they go somewhere else. And if they don't go somewhere else, they're outside. There's there's a hope but there's the lesson whatever it is, they're outside chatting and talking. But you as my child you have to be

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exempt. I don't have to sit here if you're not next to them. Don't bring him because they're noticing. They're noticing

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my parents, my mother, my father, they don't value this otherwise they would be sitting right here.

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But it's only for me.

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That's why still you will find tilted a they are in their 20s they're acting as if they are children. Because we've raised children, not adults, we've raised children.

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So don't drop them off and leave. You stay with them and you listen to the same helicopter the same hope but do the same lesson. discuss it with them on the way home, implemented at home and outside being a companion and learning not learn on your own and I'm going to be exempt.

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I don't need any of that.

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They'll see their exit your example and they will follow it.

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Take care of them. Lastly, inshallah on all levels. As I said, Allah subhanho wa Taala will ask us about them as a

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as an Amana. So

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I'll ask us about their religion and their adherence to it. They'll ask us also about how close we were to them, how emotionally rounded they were,

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how intellectually satisfied they were.

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And also, they'll ask us about their health. And then it may seem a minor issue. But it's not a minor issue a lot last year about their health, meaning what do they eat.

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If you are feeding your children, junk food,

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saying that are loaded with sugar and salt, you're establishing bad dietary habits for them.

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You may not feel it, but bad dietary habits for them. Long term, they're gonna be used to eating that type of food. They will develop diseases later because of it. There are young people who are eating fast food frequently, soft drinks frequently, and develop developing cancer more frequently because of that garbage that they're eating. And we're feeding this to our children.

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So that when they are in their 20s 30s, and 40s, they already have diabetes, we created this problem, long term, we are responsible for it. And also short term as well, when they're loaded on sugar bite when you feed them so much that they are addicted to it. And all of a sudden he says that they have so much energy and they're not listening to me bouncing off the walls as they say. They say why they say because that's what you're feeding them. And what you feed them influences their behavior.

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So don't take the easy way out. It's cheap. So buy it and feed it. They plead with you

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to go ahead and buy it so that they'll stop nagging, nagging, you don't take the easy way out. If it's not healthy, don't feed it. Because you're responsible entirely for that child. They will have a time to make their own decisions later.

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But you set them on a course and then you ask Allah subhana wa tada to contend they continue to follow that course. That's how you fulfill your Amana.

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And if you do not know,

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if you don't know how to raise your children and you need help, ask the people who are around you. You need extra help you come to the message. There are always opportunities

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to educate ourselves. Don't give up because once you give up, you've given up on that child.

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Allah subhanho wa Taala help us.

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So as the last panel with Allah and before inshallah we conclude I just want to remind you, the brothers are outside as you're exiting, and they are there, they are here to ask for your help to ask for your donation. And this is a finding. And at hamdulillah This is a day of a bad day of aid for Muslims. So let's be in and not be part of something that is great. Building a message for the sake of Allah subhanho wa Taala you know very well, that this is a sort of a that is Jerry.

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You can do it. You can donate $10 $100 $1,000 and it could be for you. If not you can do it for your deceased parents. If not, you can do it on behalf of your children, anyone that you love, and it will be based

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on their behalf. As long as that structure is being used to be alive, they're getting paid for it. So that is always an opportunity. Take advantage of it being in LA because Allah subhana wa Taala opened, gifted us with this opportunity, and that's a gift from Allah let's not deny Allah has given. So we ask Allah Subhana Allah, Allah, Allah May Allah bless our children, and help them stay on the right path, the path that takes them right directly to

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help us to be the best of husbands and the best of wives and the best of parents and the children.

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In our homes, make our homes homes that you're happy with me I love

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our homes, to make our homes homes that you're happy and pleased with

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our homes and make our homes structures and units that you are happy with your life take us and our children and our parents and everyone that we love to gender.

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Take us all of us to gender.

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Everyone here and all the rest of the Muslim to this world The Honorable army forgive us all of our sins and take an assault agenda. Mr. Rahimi, forgive us all of our sins forgive us all of our mistakes enables me to worship you more and to love you more and to follow your Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam better.

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Your Prophet sallallahu wasallam the true and ultimate model in our life

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I'm

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going to be coming

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to becoming an

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alumni,

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alumni,

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alumni.

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I'm in a new

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study