Post Isha Khaterah Whom we are not -4-.

He's to kind of understand it, it's not duck feet it's not the the concept of this person is no longer Muslim, but they're not actually you understand what we're about, they're not actually a part of our group, they're not actually participating appropriately because they perform they're doing something that goes against guys what we believe in. So this this hadith, the way I've, I've titled them is a whom we are not this is the kind of do this I need to explain what we're definitely not about. So what he says here are, they used to lead to some of these recoil ASAM in Madhab Baba in Royton, Allah so jihad or Abdullah, say you,

we don't have examples of flavor anymore. So focused on the first place, because that was what's matters in this hadith, they examine them and have Baba and 10 years old. Yeah, it's not a key in keeping with our values, as those who do this are not amongst us are not a part of our group, whom ruins the relationship of trust and respect between a wife and her husband. Tommy is a very specific term, it's when

it's when you're satisfied with something you think is alright, you like it, and then someone comes and starts to show you all the flaws of how it could be better of how it's not as good as you think it is. And this is specifically on relationships where we're some degree of trust or some degree of satisfaction is required for them to survive. And the example is about specifically, the Cleveland Zuge rule ruining the relationship between a wife and her husband.

Because that's how you end up ruining families, because that's how you end up ruining families. And once the family is ruined, he got better, I'm gonna try. There's nothing left for this OMA to look forward to and we're basically living our last, taking our last breaths. It's the family, the family is what is what this is what this whole thing is about what you do in your life. Like you're responsible for your family, first and foremost, regardless of what you do, you're always going to be asked to what your family you may not be asked about everyone else, you're gonna be asked about your family, for sure. So make sure that you've prioritized them as they are prioritized in terms of

your hisab, your multi Emma, and someone who comes to a lady who is getting along with her husband, and put it in her mind, the fact that he's not as good and he's not this and she starts feeling disgruntled. And she starts not wanting to be a part of this family, she starts to slowly move away from her marriage and her and her and her household in her family. This is a horrific act of treason, even within the deen. And the reason the prophet as was pointed out, is because people within marriage, they disagree all the time.

They disagree all the time. And they fight all the time. And they don't get along. Many, many. It's very, very common. It's almost like the the only constant in in life is deaths. And that to married people will fight it's like it's almost not, it's not debatable is never not happened to me, but it'll always happen. So if you're listening to someone complaining about their spouse,

unless you are hearing red flags of abuse, right, unless you're hitting red flags of abuse, meaning someone who's being physically abusive or verbally abusive, they're saying they're acting in a way where this should not continuing but it is not safe for this person to be there. You Your job is to remind the person that speaking to you of the importance of staying in what they are doing staying in a part of their family, and for you to encourage that person to get out or yeah, this or Yeah, dad, and you actually increased it. So if I come to you, and I'm upset with my spouse, and I start complaining about my wife, and you start coming with me like you said, yeah, no, she's completely

that she's worse than I don't even know how you could put up with her. That is a horrific act. Unless Unless my wife is actually unless he's cheating on me. And I'm telling us what I'm telling you, which is an act of abuse on the other side of the pendulum that you that you're doing is duck beam and that's a horrific thing to do. And for sisters when they come in says yeah,

yeah, of course me Oh, that's what else we're going to do. And we can play but I just tell you to suck it up and continue to move forward. And, and I've said it on the men but I don't care like and this is one of the honestly the the piece of

so the one thing that I said over the last year, if I were to put it together that I got the most feedback on was this one phrase that I said once I think that one of them already told Pete men, I don't care if you love your wife or not, you just you hold on to your family. And apparently men are much more sensitive than I thought they were. And I ended up getting a lot of men coming and saying how they didn't appreciate me saying that and I appreciate and I enjoy telling them I don't care either. Like you don't appreciate that couldn't care less. This it doesn't make a difference. This is what you do. But what I'm talking about is the opposite side of this specifically for sisters. So

this hadith is a lot of is coming towards my sisters, when a sister comes and complains to you about her husband, again, watch out for red flags of abuse. I'm very clear on this and I don't like I don't think it should be ever taken lightly or we should do not compromisable if someone's being abused, then you need to remove them from that situation. Abuse is abuse and it's very well defined and it's clear we don't accept that. But anything less than that. Be careful of what you what advice you offer. Be careful of what attitude you offer the other person because it's gonna be if you if you encourage that person to ruin their marriage and ruin their relationship. That is that is that's

not what we do.

If we don't behave that way, that's not what we're about. We're about the family. Of course, it's hard to hold on to a marriage 15 and 20, and 25, and 30, and whatever. So it was hard after a month or two, like it to hold on to marriage takes a lot of work. You don't need people around you, encouraging you to walk away from it and ruining the fabric of society. During the family, you need people who will continue to remind you know, you hold on, and you continue to work on it, and you prove yourself and you do something different and you bring people together. And I think that's the value of this hadith is very important. You can see these are Hadith, ladies and men, they're

talking about rituals, they're talking about art, they're talking about all these different, they're talking about ethics. And they're talking now about social social contract, something that I think is very important today.

I don't want to say this, but I should

any

Sister, don't go to someone who's going to strengthen your opinion on on your problem with your husband, like you know who they are in your life. Like if you're if you're finding your husband, he's being you know, he's being your husband. And you don't want to, you know, if you go to a certain person, he's going to, she's going to say things to you, that's going to make it less likely for you to fix the problem with him later. Right? Don't go to that person, go to someone who will hold you a little bit accountable. That's the that's a real friend, I tend not to complain to people that I know are going to just say, No, everyone around, I need someone who's going to complain to

them, say suck it up, you can do better than this be better, because that's what a friend does. And that's what you need. Because we all want someone to tell us to tell us that we are you know, we're right, and the other person is wrong, and give us that. But really, that's not what you want. You don't need that like in life, you don't really need that if you're going to be able to move forward and mend a relationship and succeed. You need someone to actually push back a little bit with love, not with hatred with love, push back so that you revise yourself and be better. And think about that because you know who you go to. So know who you're going to and family members specifically in

mothers. God bless our mothers. Yeah, you must watch out, watch out what you say to your daughters and watch out what you say to your sister and watch what you say to your cousins. Because you know, yeah, you shouldn't do this. I shouldn't do that. And then she goes and she takes it all and she gets divorced and now she's miserable. And you know, No, you wouldn't you wouldn't have wanted that. If you were in her situation. No one wants to be divorced. No one wants it like even those who say they want it. They don't really want it. They're just very frustrated with the situation that they're in. They need help. They're calling out for help. They're asking for you to help them end it

they could have ended it themselves they want to help abuse again is different. You don't really know who that would be certainly he said no. So have you heard about the Allahu Akbar and the the use of Allah Allah you are you Selim lay some in Cobb Baba and rotten Allah Zoji. What did I say you have Allah Allah.

Allah Allah Allah Allah. Allah wa sallam with a bit of patience with me. Please pray your sunnah swiftly and then allow us to continue our pseudocode lesson you're welcome to attend it if you want to.