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We Are Terrible Parents

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Abu Eesa Niamatullah

Channel: Abu Eesa Niamatullah

Episode Notes

Episode Transcript

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It is without doubt that the single class that I get asked most about and why don't you bring it back again? And when can you teach it here? And when will it go to that city? And is it going online is protect this house and Muslim Institute presents q&a with shabu, essene amatola. We have relationships that affects us deeply every single day. And these relationships are random ones with friends and colleagues and work folks and you know, students and, and mates and neighbors, and then distant family then, of course, the really important ones, a nuclear family, the relationship of the wife is you know, and with your husband, your parents, your in laws. And then of course, your

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children. All of these have different levels of importance attached to them, all of them have different consequences if you mess them up. Or if you get it right, our parents literally our agenda, our children are literally our keys to gender, you put the effort into helping your children memorize the Quran, they become, they become Yanni intercessors. For you, they will plead a loss of power to Allah to allow their parents to enter and that is something very important if you are sinners, like we are, we can become dependent upon them our progeny. So you'll see that these relationships they require a special concern, but also a correct concern. And so we're looking for

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guidance from the professor lice element from the from the Quran, and the scholars and their wisdom on how to actually perfect our behavior and how which is also so important to react in difficult circumstances because it's not easy. And if you see the focus of Allah Subhana Allah when it comes to treating our parents and how to interact with them, it's very interesting how Allah subhanaw taala focuses on the fact when they get old. Why, because when they get old is when they become difficult when they become impatient when they become any not so tolerant of your behavior and your views and they become more insistent on their own. And these are the challenges that make life very

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difficult for a person. You will see that when it comes to children. It's not when they're very young, that is a problem. Everyone loves kids when they're young, but they become the nightmare that we know when they become teenagers and the stress that they bring and all of their issues. And we need to know what's worth it. What's North leaving, what are the actual challenges how to interact with them in the right way. Per the guidance, as I mentioned, Mr. Bahari and Iraq Matala, he did this a great favor. He is of course, I mean, what meaning with Hades is the champion, the king of the scholars, the soprano dilemma. And he wrote he of course, everyone knows about Sahadeva Hydra He

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also wrote a book called edible more threads, which was a small separate book that he dedicated just to edit just the the, the way that we should conduct ourselves with every single possible interaction and relationship that we have with everything, the environment, how we walk, how we drink, how we sneeze, how we say hello to people, how we have friends, and what we should do with our parents, or we shouldn't do with our in laws and and, and the first 100 headies Suppan a lot of this amazing collection, he focused on the immediate and very important members of our, our family that the most important relationships who started with the parents, and then he went on to the wider

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family that includes brothers, sisters, uncles, and grandparents and down and so on. And then he went into children. And that gives us a framework. And I prepared this class originally, in terms of its primordial form about 12 years ago. And at that time, I tell you what was interesting. There wasn't so much material that there is like today, on the issues of fat and happy that and had Ethan had his studies and authenticity of Hades, and who the companions are, the narrators are in the history of the Imams. And then Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan. And so whenever we were teaching something about a subject would always be really trying to ensure that we bring up the other aspects of knowledge as

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well, always introducing other areas and rune

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12 years later, now, and I'm really relaunching this class, the situation is different, the field is different, okay? There's hundreds and 1000s of videos covering the lives of the companions and, and what they're left behind. And tradition and headed sciences and authenticity, unfair cannot be that and this and that. And hamdulillah Tao has spread, we have so many classes that are covering these areas, specifically, now the pressure is off of having to try and pack every single thing into just one class when it's meant to be about this and you're trying to teach everything else about Islam before there was a big pressure, because most of the stuff that you were teaching, they were not

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attractive to people, you know, tell tell him to come and study hiding sciences or either they're not interested. But if we're going to talk about Yoni your wife or problems you have with her and how to solve it and why your husband's it's such a waste of space and how we're going to deal with that. And that was the you know, attracting people didn't you say the magic word parenting, everyone's ears, you know, pop up and so now that the people that come then I was like, Alright, now that they have got to tell them how important he is to follow the sun and you've got to understand that gains are going to be corrected. There was a pressure to wrap everything in. And so you

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remember from the early classes and versions of protect this house, it was a class that was

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okay, it was stupid.

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Due to due to so much information. So you might say what's different experiences different. I've taught this now I don't know, 3040 times all around the world, so much feedback came back to us that came to me, and made me reflect on all sorts of panela practically seeing the class flow. And I realized that actually, what is needed now is less so much formal focus on the separate other educational aspects of Islam, but allowing people to express themselves to discuss and debate their problems and their issues, real life real term problems. Yeah, you know, they say that when you're teaching use case based study, and so on. What I actually saw, even though my intention was one

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thing that the class turned into case based study people out there saying, but now I don't like your opinion about what you think about that family member. And I don't accept what you say about Islamic schools. And that's unacceptable when you see teachers like this, and why is it that we need to do this, and that was brilliant for the class, we were able to open up and debate and that's when I realized that this class it's x factor is the debate of the debate opportunity for every single person to be able to honestly openly whether it's a an open in the class or written down, allowing us to debate anonymously, the real issues, the real challenge is about parents that the real problem

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that you're having that your parents not allowing you to get married to the person you want to force you to get married to your cousin that or Paxil was a curse for our lives to have to do. Our children the only and the choices that we have to make and the fact that now mobile phones have destroyed absolutely everything. And the fact that schools are popping up and everyone everyone around you thinks you should go to an Islamic school but you know, and I know that they're rubbish because educational quality is poor or whatever, the desire to make heaven but your kid can't memorize the I don't even use our money. I don't even wash my syllable. Haha, you're stuck. You

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don't know what's going on? What's the way that I can discipline My child, I really want to do a pack job like and what happened to me and never did me any harm you you know that phrase, right? I've got BLF right in Sydney. So it will do good to these kids as well as good for the goose will be good for the gander. The truth is, is the law beyond your case immediately. And that's even worse. So then how do we understand child discipline. And so all of these things are real issues that people have got real takes on meaning that their real life experiences now show that the situation's have changed. The reality is the punishments. The rewards that were available 12 years ago, are now

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so different. Another parent, a parent now never has to raise our hand against a child in our current time, let alone the legal reasons. Just generally from a cultural point of view, we are able to get other things done without having to resort to violence and why is it that we resort to violence? Why is it that we are so poor in our parenting? Truth be told, because we like to take our inability and our deficiencies in an area and deal with ourselves and we like to blame other people. And that frustration can cause damage in this life. But you know, that's okay. might make you miserable, but damaging the Acura, you mess up dealing with your parents when they become difficult

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for you when they become more demanding when they become your honey sometimes unbearable, but you mess up in giving them their rights and treating them like what Allah commanded you to do. Even if you don't like it, you are going to go to hell or open violating the disobedience of the parents is the worst sin that you can possibly imagine right up there just off the shelf and Riba and killing and it's up there because this is the co founder Nair, it is denying the most obvious of blessings, your actual existence, and your children work. I don't either. The last thing I need to talk to you about is your children and the importance of Ganga. tarbiyah, right we give a whole day a whole day

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is spent on parenting and of course, your relationship with your spouse because that's so essential for the stability of our Muslim communities. We're already a minority as it is within the minority practicing people they are so important that they are strong and upon a good foundation and a religious foundation. And you know, and I've discussed this before, when it comes to dominion and other places that another thing pleases at least as much as breaking up and splitting between the believing men and believing woman that is the success for them. The only bidder and conference shipped whatever whatnot I just added by the by man. He says inheritances a Muslim, but when the

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shutdown comes and says I split between the wife cause divorce I caused this breakup between them.

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says you are the man what a superstar you are You did a great job because of the impact it has. It shakes the confidence of the community. This is a class that people have described, as I mentioned in another video as absolutely essential as the most important they made it very happy and very proud, of course that I can be described in that way. This particular class I put together but you know why is is because it's completely war. We are very open. We are there we are talking no topic is off off limits. Many people will remember that really heated discussions we have in class about issues of domestic abuse, sexual abuse, the issue of forgiving of forgiveness, the issue of going to

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the law, going to the law and who to bring in social services. How do we deal with Islamic school problems? How do we deal with so many things

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I don't think that there's anything of any value with respect to the most difficult relationship issues that we have the things that stress us out most in our lives on a day to day basis that is missed from protect this house, because it's open, you just put your hand up, and you debate and you argue. So you might say what's then the difference from this from the old class to new or is the same is still awesome. It's still the only relevant, it's still the only my favorite class to teach. It's still my most relevant class, I should say, I guess I probably say favorites every class, but it's certainly the one that I really feel. And I really feel that people feel so that's why I still

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think that

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it's hitting the mark. But it's better now that we've taken the slight focus on companions and tabbing in a bad habit in in some of the the history of headings the way we're still basing upon memorable, hottest text, you can't take Janet King away, you can't take away his structure, because it's brilliant. There's a magic to it. There's a wisdom, which is beautiful when it comes in flows. But that's just going to be the structure now it's going to be a much greater focus on the actual topic itself. And I've changed my opinions many times on some of the issues. That's maturity my children when I was teaching this first time were exactly that kids going through the memorization

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process nice and easy, very obedient. Now they're bigger than I am taller than I am with four years on. That's given me new perspectives I've studied now more I've changed my my, my view with respect to ideas, theories, educational science has developed as well. You read more you change one you know, people change and become mature at the age of 41. That happened ages ago, I've changed even since I changed after 14. So this these are the ideas you bring. And as you will remember from one of my main slogans from from protect this house, parenting is not something which has been prescribed by Allah perhaps in a specific way. It's one of his greatest mercies. It's always

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evolving. There's always flexibility there ideas can come from everywhere, good practice is something which is not so defined to one time one person, one particular religion or one particular culture or one particular approach or one university or one whichever research study. Everyone's got good practice that they can bring forward and share. I know people benefited so much from protect this house, you need it again, if you if you did it before ages ago. That's because everyone says it so I have to believe it. And if you if you've not taken it before, try it and tell me if it's not the one of the best experiences that you will have what the most beneficial insha Allah, we have to

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protect our lives. Our lives are based upon our family and our relationships. They preserve our Deen for us. That means we protect our assets and that is why we have to protect this house.