Channel: Abu Bakr Zoud
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What to do when the spouse constantly does not meet, or even acknowledge the other spouses emotional needs.
are a part of each and every single one of us, and a part of our lives. We have emotional needs. Everyone, right? Whether it's a child, a boy or a girl, whether it's a husband, or a wife, whether it's parents, whether it's grandparents, no matter what title you carry in life, there are always emotional needs, that a person has. And emotional needs are things that make us feel happy. They make us feel fulfilled, content, they make us feel appreciated, and at peace. This is what emotional needs means. This is what it is. It's the things that make you feel happy, and content and fulfilled. And without these needs, if the spouses pay up, because we're speaking specifically about
spouses, if the spouses don't give each other the emotional needs, then you know what this is going to create. It's going to lead a person
to become frustrated, and hurt, and suffering, evil character will start to produce from this person, you'll see them a lot more angry, you'll see them always with a Temper, temper, and so on the negative emotions begin to come out as a result of unmet emotional needs. That's the consequence of unmet emotional needs. So if the husband and wife are not appreciating each other, if they're not speaking words of goodness to each other, if they're not expressing their love to each other, if they are not being intimate, in the bed with each other. If they continue to neglect any go ignore this with each other, then the spouses have unmet emotional needs. As a result, you're always going
to be see your spouse frustrated, angry, raging, screaming, punching, breaking this breaking that suffering. Promise. This is the result of unmet emotional needs. This is the result. So the spouses, my brothers and sisters in Islam,
getting between each other, the husband and wife, appreciate each other, every single day appreciate each other with words. And don't just assume our she knows that I appreciate her or he knows I appreciate it. It doesn't work. You need to see them in words. Give attention to each other. discuss the matters between one another and be careful attentive listeners to one another. Right?
Express your love and your care that you have for each other talk, talk talk these matters speak these matters. When you talk these matters. The emotional needs become filled slowly, slowly they become met and then the person becomes happy, satisfied and at peace and then there's no dramas Oh is no more dramas at home, all the problems would be removed from the house now. And you know, so how long and I can remember Hadith
as I'm talking and Nabi sallallahu alayhi wa sallam says something beautiful about the people of the paradise. Listen to this very carefully. Nabi sallallahu alayhi wa sallam says that every Friday the believers
end they go to the stores the market places that are in the Paradise. And then as they're walking back to their homes, and northerly wind blows on their faces and on their clothes, and they're walking, and there's a wind that comes from the north. And the North was mentioned because the Arabs, the Bedouins at the time. They used to love the wind that came from the north, because that's the wind that's coming from a Shem it carries a lot of good with it. There's a lot of rain, beautiful rain that comes with that and so on. So yeah, they will know and perhaps this is why it was mentioned in the Hadith. But anyway, a northerly wind comes and it comes in contact with the
face and the clothing of these believers as they're walking back home. Listen, now listen
and learn from Allah in the description or as they describe this hadith and explain it. They see that the feces in the courts of the believers is hit by musk. And by Zafferano saffron and you know musk and saffron they have a beautiful smell to them.
So it affects their faces and their clothing and they increase in beauty. They increase in beauty. So when they finally get to their house and rural ain they will say to their husbands Wallah, he looked at his death to Hurston, or Jamila, they say by Allah, you have increased in beauty, you have increased in beauty. And then the husbands would say to their hotellin Wallah, he went on, like a desert to the nausea, Mela, you too. You have also increased in beauty and in a dormant. Yanni. This is a quality of the people of the paradise that they say to each other to their spouse, you are beautiful. This is the man in the Paradise the believer looking at his ruler in his wife, and he's
saying to her, You are beautiful, and the wife seem to the husband as soon as he comes to the house in the Paradise. You are beautiful. For this is a quality of believers in the Paradise. Don't shy away from these words. Don't be stingy when it comes to emotions. Wallahi emotional stinginess is worse than financial stinginess. You know, any person thinks that he might be harming his wife. If he did not spend dollars on her worst then this is emotional stinkiness so say these words to each other, appreciate each other. express the love and the care and the concern you have for one another. Now oneness and the peace of Allah Allah Unison let me set the unassailably Allah who I
know every time you enter upon your family for Salam say a Salaam Alaikum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh that couldn't borrow Baraka Lackawanna alibi attic, it would be a source of blessing for you and your family. How many people today enter the house and there's no Salam aleikum wa rahmatullah I could just barges in, walks in, walks out, no salah, no color, no nothing. This is against Islam. This is against Islam. And if this is the case, there's no doubt the spouses are going to have unmet emotional needs. This becomes a problem. Actually, my brother, my sister, the good work, the good word is a solar car. It's a solar car. Well, Kelly metal Paiva to South Africa, as a Nabi sallallahu
alayhi wa sallam says, you know, and the most people that deserve your good words are your family. If you're giving good words out to everyone around you, and your family, your husband, your wife, your children are being deprived of good words, you're a loser, Wallah, you're a loser. And you haven't understood what your Islam is teaching you
invest these good words into your family. As a result I said to you, when your emotional needs are satisfied, and they are met, what's going to happen, you will become happy, they will this contentment, this pleasure, this tranquility in your life. And then problems and dramas in the house slowly, slowly fade in, they disappear. And then you're much productive outside in society, you're more productive at work, you're more productive in your community, and whatever, that which you do, right. So these are the emotional needs, the bionic, they must be met by dispensers. Now, in this case, you know that whoever it is that was asking the question, what I suggest is, talk to your
spouse, talk and listen to each other. Talk about what is missing in your life? What are the emotional needs that are unmet in your life? Talk about them. That's the first thing you need to do. If there is no communication, there is no discussion. How are we going to know what the problem is? How are we going to resolve this problem, it will not be resolved. So sit down and talk to each other and listen attentively to each other. Because as much as talking is important. Listening is also as important as talking
now, and then you can perhaps if you find out maybe maybe maybe someone has done wrong to someone, maybe maybe the husband is not giving or is not meeting the emotional needs of his wife because she's wronged him in something. And she hasn't spoken about it. And he doesn't know what's going on. And so the matter is ignored. And this is why there's dramas in the house. Or maybe the husband has wronged his wife. And she doesn't talk about this matter. No one's talking. No one's listening. As a result, we continue with this problem in the house. So talk, maybe someone has done something wrong. During the talking during the listening session during this discussion session. You will pinpoint
what it is and perhaps then you can work on it. Someone can apologize the other and then move on. And then the emotional needs of me later and after that I met.
But let's say in the case where the spouse, let's say refuses to talk, doesn't want to sit down doesn't want to talk. In this case. Go and seek the help of
Have a righteous family member of yours. If there's no one in your family, then a righteous person in the community, go and seek His help, go and reach out and say, Look, this is my husband, or this is my wife 123 has happened in the house, there are extremely there are there are emotional needs that are unmet. Can you intervene in the case, speak to my husband, speak to my wife, perhaps you can give them a reminder so that they can sit down and talk this out. But if this happens, and still the spouse has ignored, for no money for no reason whatsoever, heck, he's just happy to live alone, doesn't want to be bothered by his spouse hellos he can't do this. And he just wants to live his
life by himself is not interested in facing his problem and dealing with it, then in that case, their spouse should go and seek an option for divorce. Because that's it, you cannot do anything for this person anymore. And I say do not rush divorce, do not rush. It's always better to work things out. But if things are not working out, and if you've exhausted your efforts, and every means to make this work, and still nothing is happening, he's still ignoring you emotionally. doesn't appreciate you doesn't express his love to doesn't give you the intimacy in the bed, because these are all part of the emotional needs. Then house if he doesn't want to work it and he doesn't want to
sit down and talk through it doesn't want to get and is not interested to speak to someone that is learned and knowledgeable or a marriage counselor or someone that could have intervened and help him through his case he's not interested. And if you have no other option, but to divorce now then divorce him or divorce her and go and find someone that will give you your emotional needs that can meet those emotional needs. Someone that will appreciate you someone that will look after you someone that will give you that the rights of intimacy and any money matters that are entailed with the emotional needs of Allahu Allah