Abdur Rahman ibn Yusuf Mangera – Imam Sha’rani’s Code of Companionship Series Accepting Apologies and Excuses
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I mean, can we say the idea in house Rahima hula, he again
relates from his main chief idea house he says either Giacomo
kumara Davila, if your brother comes to you with an excuse
for blue accepted, let's see you're not you're not in Paula
bill will goof especially if it's been a long time for in the media
that Hadoken vehicle we hear it constantly I see if one of you
doesn't find any softness towards his brother in his heart, because
sometimes it becomes so hard you don't. It doesn't soften out. Even
if the person comes with an excuse, apologizing, you don't
feel the softness towards him, physiology Allah and if so he will
know then you should really censor yourself look at yourself and
admonish yourself when he Aquila and say to your knifes Yeah, tiga
hook America villain. flattop Benini you Your brother has come
to you with an excuse and you're accepting for can walk it NTV
happy, fundamental deaf et la. How many times have you also had an
excess of some thought or something against your brother.
And you never acted this way then for anti either us what mineral so
now you're worse than your brother. So like talk to yourself
as though your self, your ego is somebody else. Turn it off as a
third person who's a neutral individual. Imagine somebody's
come to you with that kind of a case. And you're supposed to kind
of be the nice guy to tell them. So tell yourself that act as a
third person to yourself.
And how you do that was difficult. But tell yourself that
Alhamdulillah habenero the mean or salatu salam ala so you did more
saline water I had a he or softly he or Baraka was seldom at the
Sleeman cathedral and you know, Yomi Dean, and my birth in this
series, Allah Mushara is a double software,
he gives us a lot of food for thought. I'm just praying to Allah
subhanho wa Taala that this class will not go in vain. But inshallah
we will improve in our other
and our halacha approach. And a lot of this can be attributed or
used rather, between the spouses. So a person can use this with
immediate family members, I think that's probably really where we
need to start. Because a lot of the time our problem is with our
family members. In fact, for some people, they learn to be
professional outside. But it looks like they get tired of acting in a
very formal professional way and smiling at people's faces for
public relations. And as soon as they leave their job at home than
suddenly at home, then the worst attitude they show is with their
loved ones as though they can get away with it. Because nobody is
going to tick them off or nobody's going to
worry about paying them or giving them a promotion or discipline or
something like that. So sometimes people act the worst with their
own family members. They are sad inside the house, when they go
outside because they've learnt at their job. They've had some
training in public relations that you must hypocritically smile at
somebody even if you don't feel like it. I mean, should do
genuinely not have to hypocritically do it. You have to
genuinely do it. It's kind of really weird. Sometimes you catch
somebody giving you a smile and soon as you're turning away, their
smile disappears. And you know that all you think I mean, you can
never second guess anybody. Right? You shouldn't second guess
anybody. It's a bad human trait that we second guess people, maybe
just the way they do it. But smiling when you do smile, just
make it honest. Just make it genuine.
And it's not difficult. It's it's just something that it's a sunnah
understand, it's a sunnah. So do it for the sake of sunnah. Don't
do it for your job. Don't do it because somebody's some supervisor
is watching you. And make sure that you do most of it in the
house with children and spouse.
Otherwise, what's the point of acting rough and tough and angry
and sad, and we're in the house, but when you go outside, you're
the most wonderful worker out there was wonderful employee. So a
lot of this can be actually attributed to the house. It's only
we can remember it.
Well, I mean, how can a piano laugh? So
in his signature style, I love a Charlaine. He has a signature
style, whatever it is, he has a number of books. And in all of
these books, he speaks on a particular theme. And when he does
that, then he says, Oh, another aspect of so and so another a
HELOC of the Olia is this another character of the Olia is this and
then he mentions all of them like that. And in this one here,
because he's talking about the rights of one brother over the
other, he repeats the same phrase women killed off in the hustle
Avena who have been out of work or been who work for
to work for them that another rate of one brother over the other is
that if something occurs between them,
if something happens between them, especially if you're going to work
very closely with somebody or have close relationship, then the dunya
is such our world is such the way we are, that it's not. You see,
when you've got two people, you've got two factors, you've got two
agents working Agent is a person who's doing an act, I mean, in the
literal sense of the term. So you've got two agents that are
acting with each other, but they're not acting with each
other, to parties acting with each other in a vacuum. There are many
other factors involved.
In fact, if nourished,
ever arose the way he describes free will, he says that we have a
free will which God has given us. But every single individual has
two other really important factors to deal with, which will no doubt
effect, influence sometimes even govern our will, the free will and
volition that we have to do something. What are these two
factors? One? internal factors? How are we feeling that day?
Feeling tired? I'm feeling fresh, vibrant, I feel like getting up
and doing something. And low days, I just want to relax. I just want
to sit down. I don't want to do anything. Just leave me alone. I
don't care. I don't care if you're going to the best restaurant. I
just want to relax at home today. You know, sometimes people just
feel like surfing. They just don't feel like doing anything else.
Sometimes you feel like just crying in front of Allah subhanaw
taala. So these are in terms of when you feel a fear. Sometimes
you feel comfortable. Sometimes you feel content. Other times you
feel agitated, you know way. Why am I feeling agitated? I can't
relax today. Nothing's happened, but I can't. Who governs these
Where Where does this come from? Where do these internal feelings
come from? They have a massive impact on our life. They have a
massive impact on our life. Then there are the external factors
and that is going to govern everything else is raining outside
today.
It's mashallah very sunny, beautiful day. It's one of those
rare hot days in England is go somewhere.
You know, it's
there's
a lot of
would you call it pollution in the sky today? There's a lot of these
factors gonna make you sneeze. There's a lot of factors. There's
a re there's a marathon going on in London. So the roads are
closed, there's going to be a lot of traffic. Can you see there's so
many external factors. So yes, we've got free will. But we don't
control the world. We have some amount of volition on our with
ourself. But we have to act within our personal feelings and the
internal factors. Our fear and vibrance and laziness or
freshness, sleepiness, and the external factors of everything
around us. So what then happens in any relationship, you've got two
people, they want the best for each other, they love each other.
They have goodwill towards each other, sincerely for the sake of
Allah subhanaw taala. But factors creep in. And these are the
challenges. Husband and wife love each other to bits. But one of the
parents one of the in laws from one side that we in law said it'd
be just the direct parent says something strange. The sister in
law said something strange, the brother in law did something
strange or didn't do something you're supposed to create.
shaytaan is right there to aggravate that. That happened.
Shaytan is there to aggravate that feeling to take the worst. That is
the idea of shaytaan shaytaan wants to take the worst out of you
in that situation. And subhanAllah it's all about perspective. If you
have a forgiving perspective, and you understand life, that this is
what life is about. And it says law Hakima in law who tells you
libertine promises himself that there is no wise person except the
one with experience. Well, that's where it's supposed to be people
who had some experience in the world they should eventually
wizened up that all these things happen.
The first time you know something strange happens. You are not used
to your spouse saying something to you the first time after seven
months of marriage for example, after the Romantic period is
wearing off.
Sometimes your spouse just says something for the first time
again, I know what's going on here.
But when you've had that quite a few times, you know that oh this
is just gonna PMT
premenstrual tension, you know, oh, he just had a bad day at work.
So the PMT wasn't about the husband, by the way. It was about
though, the wife, the husband is they have bad days at work, you
know, they didn't get the promotion they're looking for, or
whatever the story is. It's understandable.
But that is the most crucial time, the initial phase when something
happens, how you supposed to react.
And if you're a person who has, who's always on the edge, get up
and go kind of attitude, this, this is nature of certain people,
I can tell you, this is how I am. So
it's very beneficial to get work done if you have that attitude.
Because you want to go and get and do something. But at the same
time, if you're quick to react to things, you may also react
negatively, if you don't train yourself to act positively in
situations. So we have to understand ourselves, this is
human being this is human attitude. This is human psyche,
this is human behavior, this is all it is, at the end of the day,
that's all it is. We are so complex. We are so complex beings.
But when we have had enough of an experience with different types of
complexities in our life, and predictabilities, we learn how to
deal with them, hopefully. And the more we read the Quran and the
Sunnah, the more incentive, we have to think, right? Because
there's a benefit. There's a reward for every good reaction you
give, there's a reward for every smile that you
express to somebody. So there is a benefit. It's not I'm not just
doing it, because I want to be a nice person. Yes, that's that is
what a nice person is. But we've got beyond that, where this is
going to give us a level in Jannah.
There's huge amounts of benefit to that. So then he says, if you do
have an issue, something creeps up between you and your brother, it's
inevitable that something
is going to go wrong. It's inevitable, right? But you don't
have to then make it wrong. Do you understand?
Then what should you do? Is that ASC that the best the best? thema
has any thought America and a couple we'll walk through what are
our two little would do?
Then if something does happen, what should you do? How should you
react to it, instead of criticizing him, you should
increase
in spreading, propagating, expressing his good points, even
more than you did before that time.
Like what's wrong with him today, he's mentioning so many benefits,
so many good things about his brother, Maura, totally Woody,
because he had some things happened. But the underlying glue
that you have and the bond that you have of the love,
take that into consideration. That this is what the human behavior
is, when something happens you forget everything of the past. You
forget everything of the past.
So what they say in husband wife relationship, which can work
anywhere, is try to score as many points as possible each side, try
to score as many points as possible. What that means is
trying to do as many extra things as possible. So then if something
does happen, that's wrong. Even there's any initial flare up
between the two, the person in their silent moments after an hour
or two will start thinking about the other. Everybody does that you
start thinking about the other person you weigh up, you weigh
them up. And if there's been a lot of good points from before, a lot
of brownie points as you call them, kudos in America, they call
them right, then they will all come into mind. They will outweigh
the bad points. And in Sharia that's what we're supposed to
devise the law. Some said when something dis something
discourages you something causes you dislike for your spouse, think
of the good points, a good call because they have to have some
kind of good qualities.
So this is one way to go and do some more praise. They say that
Francois Mitterrand, the he was one of the earlier
president or prime minister president
of France. So anyway, this falls for me to run. He used to praise
his opponents.
He used to praise his opponents. And his rankings used to go up.
So is it because people aren't crazy? You know, people who are
watching they're not crazy. They're intelligent. So he's
praising his opponents. But that gives him points. The way he did
it. So when you he did it for his political gain or whatever. We're
here we're doing it to maintain the muhabba and the love. Because
that might have been the love is there. It's just become kind of
covered by this little thing that's happened. Don't let it
destroy that. slowly eat away at that. Let that let that love
reveal itself.
again and come back, maintain it. And the one who does it from the
two from the two from the two will be the better one in it's alright,
it's alright, it must be done. If this is the right for a stranger
for a brother for an associate of yours, then you should definitely
do this for your real brother, for your Father, for your children,
for your mother, for your sister, for your husband, for your wife,
because those are even more necessary relationships. What kind
of sort of a side of him the Hoonah I do? Well, good, Nima.
Look, your smooth will be harder at him. He says many of the solid
solid, many of the pious predecessors, it was known about
them, that they would praise their enemies. It wasn't their enemies,
they didn't have any enemies. But it was people who had enmity
towards them. If you can make that distinction. Sometimes there's
people like that, you know, anybody who's got some worth, he's
gonna get some enemies. They say that you're a Mullah. hija or
szegedi Virta thumbor Euro mal hija, Allah sheduled that the
thermal stones are only thrown at trees that have bear fruit. So
when you once you start bearing some fruit, you start being
productive, somebody is going to have an issue with you. Right? So
anyway, they used to praise the enemies.
Every time their name was mentioned, in their presence,
behind the Yahoo new von Neumann album even more hate being alone
in such a way that people sitting around would think that that
person is so beloved to this individual.
They have so much love between them. That's the way they would
praise them
as a sheikh Rahmatullahi Alisha is the carrier candidate your handler
that's what he there was one particular individual problems
with him. But then that same person would come to him to get
some dua some toys or whatever. And he wouldn't like really oblige
go out of his way to oblige. thought that the TV him so among
Shahana saying you need to follow the example. What are the what
coffee Vickery? thecable, Mousavi, a Yamaha you the car, they do not
withhold from mentioning your brother's good points, even on the
days when you have you're angry with him about something. Because
your anger is about something. But there's a massive relationship.
Besides that. Don't let that small aggravation, pollute this entire
relationship, it doesn't have to.
Once you can start thinking that way, life becomes easy, you know
that
when you can start sifting out small issues with the main picture
of your relationship, suddenly, life is no longer difficult.
Because it's easy. You can see the big picture, I've got a bigger
relationship to look after here. At least we still got that. Let's
maintain that. And it's just more healthy. It's just better for you
to do that than to I mean, how many people do you want to break
up with?
You know, how many enmities Do you want? How many fights Do you want?
You know, how many fronts Do you want to fight? What's the point?
So try to maintain it.
Whatever mineral Roco, if era d be very careful about dishonouring
him
any accusation towards his honor, for Obama, Waka Su, because look,
it's very possible as it happens, in many cases, you will make it
you will make peace. And then for your see with America, you can
deal with suffer and more than if you had done something really bad
if you're one of those people who really go in, right, anything that
happens you really go in and tell the other person upon. And then
imagine you did that just on the spur of the moment, you said
something really bad that you would regret as well. And then
after that, you have you made peace. Now can that relationship
come back? Because of this extra step? You're taking a really,
really
putting that additional accusation or this real hard way that you
responded? What does that karma kilter in the home in a HUBZone
what you should think about is the time that you broke bread together
should think of the good times while my suboptimal my roof and
all the other good things that you've had between you, but
condominium Alberich problem is, there's very few people who
actually
think this way and act this way. Otherwise we'd have, we'd have
less problems in the world.
It's just talking about having a better heart and a better
perspective in these things. anymore. Charlie had to deal with
this a lot and that's why he's mentioning his experience of how
he managed to pull himself through these situations.
The next point too, I mean, Hukilau here Allah the next writes
one brother over the other is a your Kadima Ha ha, who are dually
Yeti? Allah a birdie and must noona well my new one and then
hire Lydia to identify who have done Minako see the other 30
Another right one brother has over the other is that he should
put that right or fulfill
Anything he should he should give preference to, he should put
forward and put ahead, the necessary the necessary rights
that he must fulfill for others over his own sunnah worship even
not for the worship because for them, but any additional worship
he should put for helping out his brother fulfilling their right
over your additional worship. He will give an example that will
make this easier easier. And he says the reason for this is this,
after your obligatory worships are done, your obligations are
finished. Then after that, some obligation is like sitting in our
takeoff that's a sunnah or another. Another one is reading
100 rockets of novella day, for example. Another one is sitting
and reading Quran for two hours, sitting and doing vicar for, you
know, three hours, whatever it may be. That's great, rewarding that.
But these are all optional extra to our benefits. Another option,
that's to our benefit is to bring relief to someone is to help
somebody up out of their misery, help them in their work. Both of
these on the same scale in the sense that they're not
obligations. They are additional sunnah, and knuffel worships and
acts. So that's why he's saying now how do you compare the two
together? He says it's known that the goodness whose benefit is
transitive, whose benefit magnifies to others and goes to
others is superior than the one which is restricted only to the
doer of it.
So
an example he gives up this is
Hassan bacillary, one of the greatest of our earlier, He once
went to therapy tell Boonen to visit him or pass by him to ask
him come and help me. There's a person who's in need, can you help
me please come on, let's go. And therapists and in the work if I
mean take off rubber,
I mean retreat. I mean, it took off. So Hasson Basu said to him
learn after the year herget up in the Muslim habla la Yemen at
Coffee Senate in he's just for me to go and fulfill the right to one
brother is superior to one year of Attica. For me, that's my
perspective. Now
don't think by this that in Ramadan, instead of sitting in 10
days of anti cough, you're going to go to the relief work. Got the
whole year for that. This is talking about outside because in
Ramadan the last 10 days that is superior. And sometimes a person
knows what is really beneficial because one has to look for me,
for many people to go and do work that involves publicity is much
easier because there's an ego aspect and that is a whole
different dimension. Speaking about.
You can't take this literally. Do you understand what is to go and
spend in the masjid between Mercury Venetia and do 10 Extra
cuts of noir Phil, sit down and meditate for half an hour. read
Quran for one hour for a lot of people that is way more difficult
than spending an entire day going helping out in a conference.
Right? Or in a on a fun day for the masjid Omarosa or something
like that, or relief work. Because there's ego involved in now this
one is difficult for the ego. That one is not difficult for the ego.
To understand here when Hasson Bosque is the one who's saying
this for him that and this was the same he could sit in the masjid
and he did.
Do you understand? So let not that deceive us this ego for most of
us, we're not there yet, whose ego has not been subdued? Then for us
we have to wait Why do we feel more like doing that worship or
that good thing over this one, we have to really ask ourself so
always take all of this in a more wholesome way.
That's why you see some people they are so active, but you for
them to do tahajjud is difficult. Whereas for the progress that
Allah is and he was told, when you finish all your external work, go
and make some effort inside, you know for your personal self favor
for all the fun sub when you finish your external duties that
you're doing anyway. Fun sub and not sub means go and put the
hardship on yourself. That's why he used to stand for so long in
his Salat Abdullahi Mubarak in his guitar wizard relates this
incident from Hassan Basu Rahmatullah Alia. The next point
he makes, what we have here
is a lot if you happy he be shaking or bellava, who,
you know, the first point that he made was when you hear when
something happens between you something came in between you. As
I said, many factors could come in. This one now is if something
happened by us
Right, which means, you know, sometimes we do something,
accidentally, say something out of place without meaning evil intent,
without any evil intent, but just is taken wrong. Or somebody
misunderstood it and went and said, This is what that guy was
saying about you. Do you understand you have no evil intent
whatsoever? Or sometimes maybe you did kind of go beyond yourself and
say something or do something. So if something happens from you,
right from us, then he says, the right towards your brother in that
case is that if something happened like that, and it also reached the
brother, when is it happened, and he doesn't know. And don't go and
aggravate the situation to him? I did this about you know, that's
why they say that if you do it, but about somebody backbite and he
doesn't know that person doesn't know, then don't go and say blood,
I made it here. But about you, can you please forgive me?
Unless he's a really pious man who's not going to you know, who's
going to be like, Yes, I'll forgive you. I don't even want to
know what it is. But most of you will say, What did you say about
me? You know, it's just going to aggravate the situation. So in
that case, what they generally say is that just make lots and lots of
dua for that person and ask Allah to satisfy him on your behalf,
give sadaqa on their behalf, don't go and aggravate the situation by
telling them so in this case, if something did happen, you said
something, did something whatever and they discovered it, then you
birdie readily say for them hastened to making mistake for
what Allah Kashmira us and then humbling yourself, literally
saying, and then taking your hat off, which means humbling
yourself. Right, humbling yourself, it Roskill Earth, it
rocky on Earth, you know, stooping down, essentially submitting
yourself, humbling yourself, saying, Sorry, well, we'll go for
in the neon and standing by his slippers. Now, I'm not sure what
they used to do in those days. Maybe they you know, you hold
somebody's leg to seek forgiveness. In some cultures,
they do that maybe that's what he's saying. In culturally,
whatever is considered to be humility. That's what you will do.
Just to show the other person that I am sorry.
What did you say? I'm sorry, man.
I'm sorry.
I know you're thinking about something. I'm sorry. All right.
I'm sorry, man. Come on, like get over it. I'm sorry.
You can tell sincerity. Humans aren't stupid, you know, humans
that we see. We see. But we we feeling empathy that comes through
that's why in counseling, they say you you must actually get involved
to a certain degree, not fully. But you can't just listen. You
have to kind of make them feel comfortable. And face facial
expression is all part of that.
The worst person you can speak to is a guy who's got dark shades on
and the face that seems to be with Botox
is just flat face and the guy just listening to you. You don't know
what, you know, you don't know what they're saying. That's where
a lot of people have this problem with the with the niqab ease,
because they they can't speak to somebody without nuts. That's why
they have that problem. But with the niqab, most of them have their
eyes uncovered and an eyes actually probably are probably the
most prominent that's either amazing creation of Allah subhanaw
taala absolutely amazing. Eyes can twinkle they can be you know, they
can shine, eyes IG they're wonderful creation of Allah
subhana wa Tada you can do so much by the ice itself
anyway, he says yes, he was humble yourself like this was it hard in
northern express your regret your sorrow, Alana Walker, I mean, feel
happy about this excess that
that occurred, right that was committed by you. With regards to
the rights of your brother, were you dealing with Annika Illa?
Yahama? Who, uh, who? And he says you must continue this state
until your brother forgives you. So don't just do it once and then
think well, he should forgive me now. No, do it until he forgives
you. Now if he doesn't forgive you after one week, then he's not your
friend man. What kind of friend is that?
One week he's making you slave away like this punishing you now
that's wrong. So the other you know if you've got a friend who's
decent and it must be decent to you, but your job is to just keep
it up. That's the way you must do it.
La ilaha illa Allah it will pay off sama in them your Hamza Yes,
he does take into consideration if he doesn't then still have mercy
on you. What should you do?
Raja Allah and FC he below me, then you should just blame
yourself where I thought of IBM the whole volume. And you just
think Well, I was the oppressor or condemning. If I know that, Eric,
very few people do that though.
He's telling you at all times we must act superior.
And if he doesn't forgive us, Allah is watching
that's the main thing. No matter what when you have an Allah
Subhanallah then it won't matter.
But you know, you can understand how that will feel if you try
everything you'd be humbled still, the person doesn't forgive you.
It's gonna it's a difficult one. That's another stage of
difficulty.
Well, I mean, how can you either love another right one brother
over the other, a Jacoba additive or who? Well Oh, can I move Dylan?
So this is kind of speaking about it from the other side. Now. He's
saying that one right to one brother over the other is that if
the person did do something wrong, and then he came to you with an
excuse, came to you with an excuse,
then accept that excuse? What Okay, and I will tell him, even if
he was insincere,
even if you think is completely insincere, still accepted.
fact that Robert telemovie you will you know who your mom told me
the analysis has related my utter hoo hoo hoo, Moon dossena. Mindon
been fully Iacobelli it Laura who, Mohit Concannon Omotola for inland
YFL let me read adult hold.
He seems to relate this from Imam telemovie whereas it seems to be
related by Hakim in his mustard rocker rather than among Timothy
from Abu Huraira the Allahu Anhu.
So what he's saying here is that in this written narration says
whoever's brother comes to them,
trying to
provide an excuse for why they did what they did, then accept that
excuse, whether he's telling the truth or whether he's insincere.
Now, this might seem a bit too much, but there's a great wisdom
in this for in lumea found
you saying that if a person doesn't accept it, and punishes
him by not accepting it, let me read that and holding the person
will not be allowed entry to the hole in the hereafter in the
watering place have a sort of Lhasa license to be given to
drink.
Now,
the wisdom that I've seen accepting the excuse
when I was studying in southern Pune in India,
one of my teachers who I studied some big books.
I studied one of the major hedaya volumes within my studied
Shadowman Lothar remote, how he studied more time ematic and he's
a he was a father of seven kids at the time.
I was just I just graduated and then after that, two years after
graduating, I went to India to study for the Mufti class again.
And he decided he wasn't a Mufti before he decided to leave all of
his teaching his family and everything and come and study
there as well for one year. So we ended up sitting together in class
in North the class.
Now, after I said, we would go to study the seventh Pirot. And he
was alone, but I was with family. So my I had a house distance away,
his room was closer, once I forgot. And after the class, class
finishes are assaulting the normal class, the day to day class,
whereas this was a private does after answer, private out of time,
this was the time when is the relaxation time? So I walked on,
and I forgot. And then somebody came in said, you got a class, I
quickly rushed back there and they were all waiting for me. So they
haven't started the class. They're waiting.
So I said, I'm really sorry. He says, Look, you didn't you forgot,
right? I said, Yeah, he goes collapsed. I'm sorry. So he gave
me an excuse. And it was so beautiful, because he said, The
suit is
so beautiful. He said, you forgot, right? I said Yeah, then he goes
fine.
So he is genuinely if you forgot, we can't say anything. End of
story. There's no point making a big deal out of it. And you forgot
call us it's a human failing human happens.
You didn't give me a location, you know, none of that. He must you
know, because we were trying to finish off after a very short
time. We only got a year. Now there are several months, I'm
going to finish off so every minute is valuable. So clearly, I
had aggravating them by that. But he got over it very easy by just
saying look if you forgot it's finished, and of story so he made
an excuse for me.
That taught me that you don't have to punish somebody for something
like this even if you were aggravated, but make an excuse
because genuinely these things happen.
That's why poet says UK Bill Murphy Romania t 30. Era in Burr
indica, FEMA Karla ofor. Java for ATO aka mejor de Cobo hero who
woke up agenda maniac cecum was steadier on
another one. They all have a similar meaning I'll explain. Then
he said another one says theory got in
acre foot earn on Walmart calm will feta Isla de rue pull to
the third run the year to them be in the
room. Another one is act as our study co aka Yeoman Fauja. With
masa we will cathedra for inertia for a year our Hadith, MB isnaad
in Saudi Nanaimo here. And in Matauri and Allah yam homebuilder
in WA hidden Alfei Kabira. Allah I know about that one. But generally
the first one, he says, just accept the excuse of the one who
comes to you making an excuse, whether he's telling the truth,
whether he's sincere, or whether he is insincere about it.
And
somebody said to me, or he was said to me, so and so has done
something bad to you. And for a person, that that's a great defect
for a person to do that kind of thing. But I said, I said, he's
come, he's expressed. He's expressed an excuse, and the
expiation the penalty for committing a wrong, according to
us, is an excuse. So he's made an excuse, his pay disparity, and of
story. The last one, if a friend comes to you one day,
making an excuse, then pardon his wrongdoings even if they're
abundant, because Imam Shafi has related a narration with a Sahai
chain from Mahira. From the most beloved, the selected messenger
sallallahu alayhi wa sallam that Allah subhanho wa Taala
he faces by one excuse to 2000 Major blunders. Allah knows about
the house Sahai that is,
even Amanda has related though many Tara Edie who who we met here
right in front of mia bella Kannada human hottie at Mithila,
Sahibi, Maxine, that anybody who whose brother comes to him with an
excuse, and he doesn't accept it, then he will have the same kind of
sin as the one who is the tax collector, tax collectors are
known to be oppressive, because they've got the right to collect
taxes. So they generally take more, right? And it's well known,
especially in third world countries,
in this country is just a bit more civilized, but then, you know,
it's more like the person is trying to withhold taxes and those
guys are trying to take more taxes. So there's always that
argument as well. You need the accountants in between what
generally on the side of the person paying the tax unless he
works for the government, then he's gonna be another thing. And
there's a lot of interpretation issues in these as well. If you
sit with accountants, they'll tell you about these things.
Third, life has to continue.
Well, I mean, can we say the alien house Rahima hula, he again
relates from his main chief idea house, he says either Jochem a
hawk Amara, if your brother comes to you, with an excuse
for blue, accepted, let's see you're not you're not in pilot
Bill woof. Especially if it's been a long time. For a limited Hadoken
vehicle. We hear it constantly. I see. If one of you doesn't find
any softness towards his brother in his heart, because sometimes it
becomes so hard you don't, doesn't soften out even if the person
comes with an excuse, apologizing, you don't feel the softness
towards him. Physiology Allah and if so he will know. Then you
should really censor yourself. Look at yourself and admonish
yourself when you're cola and say to your knifes, yeah, tikka
hookah, Murata. Leon Filatov Benini. You Your brother has come
to you with an excuse and you're an accepting for can walk it NTV
happy, fundamental FET LA? How many times have you also had an
excess of some thought or something against your brother,
and you never acted this way then for anti either as white men who
say no, you're worse than your brother. So like, talk to yourself
as though your self, your ego is somebody else. Turn it off as a
third person who's a neutral individual. Imagine somebody's
come to you with that kind of a case. And you're supposed to kind
of be the nice guy to tell them so tell yourself that act as a third
person to yourself.
And how you do that was difficult. But tell yourself that.
We'll call it about an hour later. You will HA HA HA HA What about
the one who's like insist that his brother comes in mix, you know,
and apologizes and makes it difficult?
You know, with kids a lot of the time if you ask why questions? I
had a habit of doing this and I found out that it just aggravates
again you never you never win in that case. Like okay you did this
guy's done or something silly. He said something he took somebody's
pen II You know, somebody did something weird in class, and they
brought to you the head teacher.
Now if you start asking them why you did that, they don't have a
reason for why they did that. I discovered that after a while, by
the way, so I said, Why did you do that for me?
Why did you do that? I need you to tell me, I'll waste 10 minutes
with him asking him why, and he won't be able to tell me away.
It's a kiddish thing to do. And they don't know why they do it. So
simple as that, then I'm going to tell you because I'm evil. I'm
Cherie, you know, I'm
for them in their mind. Just think about it. You just messed around
with something. Why did you do that for? Why do kids mess around?
I mean, what is you can go deep problems at home. They want
attention. Do they know that they know why they're doing that? These
are spontaneous actions they do. They don't want to do because they
need attention. Unless somebody tells them that's why bad kids,
some bad kids act that way, then they'll tell you if they're clever
enough, mentally, I need attention. I've got problems at
home. But kids don't know why they do these things. So these why
questions are not very productive, especially if you're trying to
clear it. If you're trying to make some peace, why questions hardly
work? Yes. If it's from somebody whose adult was mature was
reasonable, who you cannot believe why they did this? Why would they
do something like this? And you want to avoid that in the future,
then in that case, you can find the right time to ask them, Why
would you do something like this? And if they don't know why you
asking why then explain that. Look, generally you would not act
this way. It'd be this way. But now this, I'm just asking, just so
that if there's anything on my side that I can change I want to
do so we can avoid this in the future. So don't ask these white
credit, why questions for children? Eventually, when I
realized that they're never going to be answered, I stopped asking
them and it was easier to deal with the issues.
Otherwise, those why questions you will get frustrated and they will
never give you have an answer. And then you just have to leave it. So
then he's saying here
for a person to force compel his brother to make an excuse. And to
seek forgiveness is not a true brother. What I mean early Tarik,
and he's definitely not on the path. Here the path of
spirituality, somebody who's trying to better themselves for in
tonic up moon and in hulky, Elmer Aviv. And I would consider you
guys to be from the tonic, because that's why you're sitting here on
a on a Wednesday, when you could be doing 1000s of other things.
People are watching bake offs and
master chefs. And I mean, that's the simplest of it. Right? And you
are actually sitting here watching these, these great things happen
here. Insha Allah. Right.
Then you are Tarik. And he says that the character of the holodeck
is that they will establish
excuses for their brother, before they can make excuses for
themselves.
You will already in your mind just make up the and the best positive
interpretation and an excuse for them or why they must have done
something like this. Right? That's why with husbands two wives, the
PMT one is really good.
If you can just get that in your mind that PMT one works very well.
Okay, it's just PMT. Don't worry about it.
Because it's just hormones, it's hormones.
And the women, maybe they can tell us what the best excuse they can
find for their husbands.
There must be something. Oh, that's just how many. It's
probably the best one, isn't it? He's a man.
That's the way they do it. Sometimes. Well, if it gives us an
excuse, or Hamdulillah I don't mind being a man. Right?
At the end of the day, let's just get some peace. However you get
that peace. Let's get some peace. Alhamdulillah that's the main
thing. Let the world continue. Let there be love.
So the real serious people, they are people who will make excuses
for others before they can make excuses for themselves. They're
not going to be people who will force others to make excuses for
them. And living with such people traveling with such people.
Working with such people is a blessing.
That's why the dua of Rasulullah Salallahu Salam, O Allah give me a
good neighbor. Because in one day it says because for in the jar
Alba deity Yatta, how one but not Jarmo karma. He seeks protection
from an evil neighbor in your place of residence. And he says
that because if it's a Bedouin, will Bedouin move around. So if
you've got a bad neighbor, as a Bedouin, you know, in a camp
somewhere, you're eventually going to move after six months or
whatever. But when you bought a house somewhere and you've got a
bad neighbor, then you're stuck with them for a very, very long
time.
So he used to seek forgiveness protection from from these things.
Well, I mean, how can he add an ASCII.
So essentially, that whole point was about x making excuses,
seeking forgiveness, apologizing, and above all accepting apology.
And one final thing I'll mention here is that the role of Officer
lorrison said that you shouldn't go over three days, if you break
up with somebody, if there's something happens, and you should
not go over three days, when he says over three days that over
three days is with a nun, blood relative, because with blood
relatives, it shouldn't even go for more than one day. For non
blood relatives, then it's three days, no more than three days. And
one of the wisdoms that I've seen in three days is because let's
just say that you had an issue with someone.
If an apology comes within half an hour, within half an hour, unless
they're very, very angry, some people they stay angry for a very
long time. Let's just say one hour, okay, that's enough time for
somebody to get calm down. And if you take more than an hour to calm
down, then you got a problem, you need anger management classes,
seriously, because the worst person is the one who gets angry
very fast, and his anger stays the longest. Anyway, let's just
imagine after an hour, two hours, three hours, apology comes, it's
easy to because the wound is fresh. And it's easy to cover that
because the good times before that are still there. Now, after one
day,
there is no doubt that both parties are going to be thinking
about each other. But there's arrogance or ego, or whatever
other reason there is for nobody making the first move to correct,
right. That's one day. Second day, each side is waiting for the other
one, to make the first move. He must I always apologize, she must
apologized. That kind of thing.
Now what happens after the third day, they're not going to
apologize, then you start preparing yourself for life
without that person.
Not life without that person. But what I mean is time without that
person, because now you're getting used to after three days, I
haven't been with them for three days. I can live without them for
three days, you understand, the longer you leave it, the
separation will harden each side will become more independent, that
bond will weaken and then it becomes much more difficult. You
have to rebuild it afterwards. It takes a while then because you've
kept that wall up and it's become bigger and bigger and bigger. We
leave for a month it's very difficult. That's why I let that
wall not become big. But when it's still small kids break it and
makeup. So three days maximum after you get mature in your
separation. You become satisfied in your separation you may find
another friend you may find other activities
that's why okay next point when we have killed off er Lucky guy throw
too far healer who is a thorough thorough to
another writes one brother over the other
is that you should get extremely abundantly happy, satisfied,
exhilarated.
When you see that your brother is doing a lot of extra obedience
mashallah he decided to go for hombre, masha Allah, he started
praying property is praying in the masjid now. You know, he started
expressing himself as a believer. She started wearing hijab,
whatever it may be.
So get really happy. That's understandable. That's easy.
That's manageable.
Another one is this. Imagine
you're a person with some position.
You've got a friend who also has a position
and now he starts doing things and he starts gaining a lot of
respect. People are turning towards him.
Right? He's getting popular.
Now what ego problems come in jealousy. Really bad. You must be
satisfied at his success. If you're not satisfied and a
success. The only other option is that you'd be jealous of his
success. He says woman them Yeah, couldn't cathodic anybody who's
not satisfied at his brother success call maybe that will
happen. Then you will give room to the disease of jealousy creeping
in. Well, Phil Hadiya has to do vehicle has an ad Camerata called
narrow hardtop. And that's such a dangerous disease, that jealousy
eats away at.
Good
deeds just like fire just totally ravages
and consumes
wood
so the antidote to feeling jealous is to praise Him. And it works
difficult, but it works, then it gets easy.
If you're in a position, you have somebody you know is in another
position and mashallah he's getting popular. And would you do
shaytaan we'll try to create jealousy. But the end of the day,
just think that it's Allah wanting to give it to him call us.
There's enough to go around.
Don't restricted there's enough to go around if Allah wants to give
it you and give it to you as well.
At the end of the day, it's about satisfying Allah subhanaw taala.
So praise the person.
Praise the person, as Imam Ghazali says that the Rebbe of the
rhodamine is like yes, he's so nice. He's so nice.
But there's something
and then you just kind of slip in something like May Allah make him
stop doing that as you're like making a dua for them, but it's
actually a veiled or a disguise criticism, as emailed as it says
Lester Lieber to the Alannah this is the way they did they know it's
wrong to do here, but so they just coat it, they disguise it. Yeah,
I've heard some stuff. May Allah subhanaw taala. Allow him to
reformed. But otherwise he's wonderful, but it's just that
you understand it just put in that spot. And see the idea with one of
his shakes. He says that er can dice with money, stuffer who love
why, like,
just beware of envying the one who Allah has chosen above you.
Allah has chosen him above you.
Because Allah has been integrated.
For him, Suffolk Allah dama masala Iblees, Minnesota till Medicare,
the sort of the shape Ania. Because if you don't, then Allah
subhanaw taala could deform you just as he deformed the bliss from
an angelic form. So the shaytani form to a deficit devilish form.
Because at the end of the day, Shavon is his act as a being as an
entity.
He was positive first. He did a lot of worship first. And then
after that he became the rejected one. So his actions went in a
different direction. So that's the shaytani. First he was towards the
angelic realm, and then he went towards the devilish realm, the
demonic realm. Lama has to the sea of other maladies that are when he
became hassad. Jealous of Seder the mighty salaam, see shaytaan
you have to remember he didn't commit any Zina. He didn't gamble,
did he? He didn't gamble. He didn't commit Zina. He didn't do
anything of those things that we think are generally bad. What did
he do? He was arrogant. And he was jealous.
Today, we think those two things are fine. Fornication is a
problem. Gambling is a problem. Drinking wine is about shaytaan
never drank wine. Yeah, he makes drink people wine now. But he
never drank wine first. He never gambled. He was a worshiper at
that time, then he became rejected because of his arrogance. Can you
see how bad arrogance is?
is worse than drinking? It seems, it seems.
Well, I mean, manna keeps saying you the AMA del Badawi, NEFA, and
Allahu barakaatuh. He and the Sahiba Iwan. Now he's talking
about, say, the Muhammad al Badawi one of the scholars great, great
scholars of his time. He used to do a lot of work he used to free
prisoners, and he used to help people from Highway men. He used
to do a lot of good welfare, public work. So what do you have
Allah subhanaw taala. He says that there was a very prominent and
apparently very pious individual in one of the towns of Egypt
called Thumper. Thumper, is with Dunbar visa from let's say, it's
one of the areas like there's another area called Taha
tanta. These are all areas in Egypt. When this allele whether we
moved Sheikh Muhammad, Al whether we moved into the area, and he
became very popular, it's a small area, right, you've got all the
position, everybody's the attention is towards this other
individual. And then suddenly, Sheikh Abdullah Badawi comes in,
and everybody kind of turns their attention to him. Now you can see
how that can be a cause for a lot of jealousy. So unfortunately,
that person, he became very jealous, very pious, seeming like
a weenie of Allah. But he said that all of that was taken away
from him. When he became jealous and he did certain things. All of
that was taken away from him. You you you don't hear his mentioned
anymore. He's not you know, general
He's not mentioned anymore and even shake. The shake is writing
says we're moldy or who will earn feet on Tom Wilkie lab. He says
even the place that he had his con car whatever it was his retreat.
He says it's a place where dogs roam now so desolate dogs are on
there when Dasara Jota bamboo done tougher no that's it's like a
combination name for me Lulu who worked on webinar Lisa T monoglot.
And Avi met and
nothing. He says that the people who his close associates when they
saw you know, to try to increase his popularity. They made a
special time when they would have vicar and everything like that.
They made a special a massive tall minaret for his his retreat, but
it's all gone
that's what jealousy do.
So just realize to Allah subhanho wa Taala that Allah will give
people
seems to give him somebody's more hamdulillah no problem.
Acknowledge This is my space that's their space Alhamdulillah
do two more quick points women have killed archaeology either or
the saffron Allah you yeah which I had that you were there who will
anarchy in Canada Julian we shot it in Ghana so VLAN for will
Hadith either hora de comida suffer for you are the one who for
in Allah Jaya you don't feed him Al Baraka Hadith related but even
on a circuit in his study.
Though it seems to be weak, but clearly another right of one
brother over the other is if you want to travel, then don't leave
until you see your brother off.
With
an embrace, why not hug him? If he's a man.
That's if it's a man to a man, women to women, they can give a
hug to each other. And if he's children, then it's not necessary
that you go and hug them unless you're your own children. You
know, this is talking about your brothers, at least acknowledge
them wave to them. In a hadith you mentioned that when one of your
travels, goes out in travel, then
see your brother off. Because Allah subhanaw taala places dua in
there Baraka places Baraka in their doors. So there's Baraka in
doing al Qaeda, which seems to indicate that the person
seeing you off
there's baraka and blessing in their doors. So get those doors.
She's gonna have a quick meeting quick, salon. Then he says, I
mean, happy Lucky, lucky. Also another writer, one brother over
the others, either Roger I mean suffering. When your brother comes
back from a journey, and you're the hub at human city, go to him
to visit him in his house. You suddenly made a gift salaam, your
hand knew who was gonna give him the glad tidings of coming back
with Salama.
I don't think in the Asian culture, we have any particular
words that I use for giving somebody glad tidings of coming
back doing or am I missing something?
For example, in Arab countries, they say Alhamdulillah Salama,
they actually say that Al Hamdulillah Salama or praises to
Allah for Salam in the sense that you've come back with Salama,
you've come back with peace hamartia which has any particular
words like that, I know we go to visit people and everything. I'm
just wondering if there's a certain phrase we use or anything
like that.
Clear clarity, I'll get you the tickets. Okay, that's fine. It's
good enough, just in Arabic Alhamdulillah Salam is just
beautiful.
Especially in Syria, they're really into they're giving each
other was really buying selling, calling up the operator on the
phone armas, Allah you are taken out here Allah give you if he
starts off with just that Allah give you wellbeing. I mean I don't
mind those two hours throughout the day a few times you know
so yes, and then
what can Danika whether the hood also acknowledge and meet greet
his children was sad is that he and all of their loved ones either
Roger Omen seven if they've come back from a journey as well? Oh
Sheffy Omen model them all. For example, if they've become just
better recovered after some sickness, for being happy here a
year how about you? They are Who who are you honey who is Salah is
the right of the brother, that you should go to his brother and he
used a give him the glad tidings of returning with salaam
that he's come back with Sudan. May Allah give us still feed? May
Allah subhana wa Taala allow us to improve ourselves and change
ourselves and become the best brothers to others. The best of
people who fulfill the rights of their brothers, may Allah subhanho
wa Taala
Allah make that easy for us. Well, here we will handle the layer of
anatomy.
The point of a lecture is to encourage people to act to get
further an inspiration and encouragement, persuasion. The
next step is to actually start learning seriously to read books
to take on a subject of Islam and to understand all the subjects of
Islam at least at the basic level, so that we can become more aware
of what our deen wants from us. And that's why we started Rayyan
courses so that you can actually take organize lectures on demand
whenever you have free time, especially for example, the
Islamic essentials course that we have on the Islamic essentials
certificate which you take 20 Short modules and at the end of
that inshallah you will have gotten the basics of most of the
most important topics in Islam and you'll feel a lot more confident.
You don't have to leave lectures behind you can continue to live,
you know, to listen to lectures, but you need to have this more
sustained study as well as local law here and Salam aleikum wa
rahmatullah wa barakato.