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Relationship Advice

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Abdulbary Yahya

Channel: Abdulbary Yahya

Episode Notes

IANA 17 Annual Convention

Episode Transcript

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Our next topic is relationship advice and I know there's plenty of you guys in here that was waiting for this time so I would like to welcome chef

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up the barrier here

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Alhamdulillah in hiding in a star you know and stuff you know

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when a little bit like ministerium fusina sejahtera Marina Maria de la Juan Mata voluntad de la la jolla. murshida shadow Allah Allah Allahu la sharika wa shadow under Mohammed Abdul Rasul Allah Abadi.

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I would like to start this talk with a love story.

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Not any love story, but the love story from the Quran.

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A beautiful love story

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of a man

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who is fleeing from oppression and from problems that he had

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actually in his homeland, where, where he was born.

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And that man is Prophet Musa alayhis salam.

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Allah subhanho wa Taala says fahara German ha ha ivania taraka, Haifa Taka, he fled Egypt. Of course, he was accused of killing someone. And he had

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he was trying to protect one of the bunnies that are eaten. And he was so strong

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that when he punched him, he knocked them out. I'm not talking about knocking him out. He was out, never to wake up again in this world.

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And so he was wanted.

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He was fleeing from around

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and his soldiers. And he says, kala rabina Jeannie minakami volley mean, Oh Allah, a man who was raised, raised by home, raised by one of the best women

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of all time,

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one of the best women of all times. She was

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no other than the wife of around himself.

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The wife of Iran himself one of the best of the women in this world, as the Messenger of Allah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam mentioned. So this was of course, someone who was raised

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with noble qualities and attributes.

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Because as I mentioned, he was raised by one of the best of all time. So he says, He turns to Allah Subhana Allah and supplicating to Allah as anyone who has faith and strong in a man would do, they always return to Allah subhanho wa Taala in times of need rabina Genie minakami Valley mean oh my lord, saved me and protect me from people who are oppressive while I'm at work.

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Medina

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and then he heads toward towards madeon he crosses the Sinai Peninsula desert, and he arrives in area. Medina, Medina at that time was a green luscious as they used to mention, there was a beautiful area of greenery, the valleys up and down. It's just a beautiful place. So the scenery and the setting is also very beautiful and very romantic.

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The setting of this story, so he has towards Medan and he says, I sort of be a DNA sour sob. I hope that my Lord will guide me to the right path to the straight path.

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And then he arrives and madeon Allah subhanho wa Taala then says when

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he

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met

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meenan as he as

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he arrives at madeon, and he sees a group of with a group of, of men.

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She's a group of men. And what kind of men are these? These are rowdy, rowdy men, and these are people that we will find out later on. I don't have the type of character and manners that a man should have and men should have.

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Because a real man when he sees a woman in distress

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He always is there for to help, sincerely helping her not asking for anything. But these groups have met this group of men, they were watery, taking water for their flocks, watering the flocks,

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budget omega minasi a spoon well, whether they mean dooney him, men do an attorney.

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So he also Prophet Musa sees these men, but he also sees two

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women

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who stay far from them,

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who are far from these rowdy men.

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And so, Prophet musala, he Salah, he sees them, he sees that they, you know, he sees that, you know, nobody's taking care of them, nobody's helping them. Everyone is just doing their own thing. And they're carrying that the big

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cover, you know, to try to get water for their flock. And then Prophet Musa alayhis salam sees these two women. He says parliament has boohooman. And he says, what's what's the what's the problem that you have here? What's going on? Like, why are you here and

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you know, not taking care of your flock. And so he says, so they say to him, pilot airliners, they had to use diria. He says to they say the two women they say to him, like we can't go forward and water our flock until the woman Lee until the men leave. So you know what the men do you know what they do? The men they cover up, they cover up the, the, you know, the the cover of the well. And this is a huge piece of a huge heavy piece that they used to cover the weld with. And they used to take 10 people to take it off.

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And the woman who would go, they would just take the water that was built and left over for their flock like these men wouldn't would not every single day, this is repeated. And they don't even help these two women. And the two women they say that we're unable to, we have to wait until everyone finishes and whatever's left over, then we get whatever's left over. We're born I share one caveat.

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Aware the men in your family Then why are you Why do you have to be out here taking care of your flock and having to do so much work and so heavy, such heavy work. And so they say but our father is very old.

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Our father is very old. And so Prophet Musa alayhis salam, he doesn't chat and talk to them any more than what he needs to. And this shows his characteristics. And so he goes and by himself, he's able to lift that cover by himself when only 10 people would be able to do so see how strong he was. And then when he finishes helping them, you know, and of course, they're able to get water easily because they're using from the the well instead of just leftovers, which would take so much longer. So they're able to finish watering their flock and providing water for their flock much more quickly. And so they arrive home earlier than usual, to their father.

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And then Prophet musala he doesn't follow them, Hey, what's going on? You know, I helped you with what's good, and he's in need of help. He's in a foreign land. He has nothing with him. He has nothing with him. He's homeless right now. He has no home, nothing to eat. he's by himself in a strange land.

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But he returns back and sits under the tree. And who does he turn to?

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He has no one. But he has a lot to handle and if you have Allah, Allah is always enough for you. This is a lesson here. Be strong. Be the best that you can be. Don't go around doing things that haram and turn to Allah, Allah, Allah subhanho wa Taala will always be there for you. And so he says, Rob be in a Lima

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OH my Lord,

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from where I have

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been where I am right now. I am surely

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and send a layer min height in fact here I am surely greatly in need of whatever you can send

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My way,

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I'm in need of anything that you can any goodness that you can send me my way, after all, he has nothing he has, nobody has no place to stay. He has no provisions at all whatsoever. And as a result of this,

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and the results of the supplication and returning to Allah subhanho wa Taala, Allah subhanho wa Taala gave Prophet Musa

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a job, he was unemployed, right? alone in a foreign land and employed, he has a job and a wife. As a result of this, he will have a job and a wife, but we will see the characteristics from this story to find out how we, you know, how do you what do you look for in a person when you want to get married? What do you look for? In a marriage? Now we speak about a relationship between you and your spouse. And also, before you get married, what should you look for? And what kinds of things that we can? What are some of the things we can do? We can learn from Prophet Musa alayhis salam and the daughters of Shuaib. In this story, first and foremost, Prophet Musa alayhis salam, as we mentioned,

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he was strong, and yet he was also very helpful. And so the, the father, after seeing that their daughter, the after seeing that his daughters had returned home early, he said, Well, what happened? Why were you able to return so early? And so he tells them of what he tells him, he tell they tell him of what happened between him between them. And Prophet Musa alayhis salam. And so the shoe I, the father tells their daughter to go back and bring him to bring him over here. Bring him over, over here.

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And, you know, maybe he's maybe he needs what, whatever he needs and we can pay him back for what he did in helping you and helping us. And so they both so one of them goes back to Prophet Musa alayhis salam. And when she goes back to Masada, his Allah, Allah subhanho wa Taala says, and this is another benefit here of what you should be looking for. For each

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one of them comes them she is

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walking towards him bashfully.

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One of the characteristics of faith of Eman is shyness. being shy, that shyness is very, very, it's part of our faith and part of Eman And this is one of the one of the most noble characteristics of a person. And you know, when we speak about shyness, who do we think about? Most of us, we think about women, right?

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But it's not just for women.

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It's for men also and especially men, because the most shy of this oma is who

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it wasn't a woman,

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the most shy of this oma as the prophets on the lower end. He said after the Messenger of Allah, of course, the Messenger of Allah was very bashful and shy, because it's a part of faith, but after him Who was it?

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It was Earth man. If not fan radi Allahu anhu he was a man. So shine. This isn't just for women. bashfulness isn't just for women, it's for men also. And that's why when you're looking for a partner, a spouse, or husband or a wife, it's one of the characteristics that you should be looking at. So if you see someone speaking, and they are always using foul language,

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that's not part of shyness. When you see someone who is always, you might say, well, they're very outgoing, and it's okay. But sometimes some of the things that they say it's as if they have no shame.

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So look for someone and one of the ways you can find if someone find out if someone is shy or not, is good and characteristics is what they say because what they say with their tongues is an interpretation of what's in their heart.

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You want someone with a good heart. And so for jets, who forget to whom item she Alastair here, not only was he shy and bash, shy, and bashful,

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but Prophet Musa alayhis salam also was very shy and bashful.

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And he was very he respected when she came to him. She didn't you know, she didn't tell he didn't say, okay, Hey, what's up, girl? What do you want? You know, and he started making all these conversation. He only said

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spoke with what he had to speak. And that's why in, especially in the times that we are living in right now, with social media and so forth. If a brother is always texting, your sister's always texting you back and forth, and you're not shy of the speech that you're talking about, and you're going back and forth. that's lacking in faith and shyness. If you want to do things correctly, then, no, I'm not saying that you're not allowed to email brother or sister? No, you can, if you want to email a brother or sister, you know, the person of the opposite gender, it's okay. But just make sure you cc it to her father also. Right? And if you are worried, right, if you like a number,

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that's not why should I do that? Well, if you don't do that, maybe I'm not saying that you have to it's not how to opt in, email someone, but if he, but the thing is, if you're, if you're ashamed of what you say, are saying to her, and you're afraid, then maybe you shouldn't be saying those things. If you're ashamed of, of her father seeing that, then maybe you shouldn't. And if a man is not man enough, as I mentioned yesterday, if a man is not man enough to go directly to your father, then maybe he's not the man for you.

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And that's why you want to look for someone who is what someone who's strong and capable of taking care of you. Not someone who is lazy, not someone who is lazy. And vice versa, also for the brothers. And for the sisters, you have to have someone who is diligent and look for someone who is diligent, and they take care of and also one thing also look for good sons and daughters. You see these two daughters, these were very, very good daughters. They took care of their father, and they spoke to him very in a kind way, if you look at the conversation, they're very kind because when you have a good daughter, then inshallah hopefully they will be good wives, and if they are good sons,

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right? If they're good sense, they're good to the parents, then inshallah, they'll be good husbands also, hopefully, inshallah, there'll be good husbands also, why? Because if they respect their parents, if they speak to their parents in the nicest of ways, then they're more likely to respect you also. But if they don't respect their parents, then what makes you think they're going to respect you and treat you in an honorable way.

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And that's why these are just some of the things that you you know, you want to keep in mind, if you want to get married, but remember I said Prophet Musa alayhis salam was also very shy. He was also shy and bashful. And so when this when the when, when the daughters came back, and Prophet Musa alayhis salam was with them. The the one of the daughters said, Yeah, but is that God who, oh, Father, let's hire him. You know, we need help in the family. Why don't we Why don't we hire him? Why? And then she says, Why? Because the best person that you can hire is one. Who is a we? I mean, she says, Yeah, but is that God who in a hierarchy minister jobs, are we al amin, the best person

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that you can hire is one who's strong and capable, and someone who is trustworthy, someone who's me and trustworthy and honest. And so the father then says, Well, how do you know he's honest?

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Like, how do you know? He's honest? And how do you know he's trustworthy? And so then she tells him, when he's narrating this, howdy this, that when he's reciting this verses, and he's explaining to the companions, he says, the father then says, Well, how do you know that he's honest and righteous? How do you know he's honest and trustworthy? How do you know he's I mean, and so the daughter then says, to her father, father,

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when we were walking back home,

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he walked he walked in front of me. He walked in front of me.

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He didn't look at me. He said, he said to me, while he was walking in front of me, he said, I'm gonna walk in front of you. Now, if he walks in front of her, how does he know where to go? Like he wouldn't know where to go right? Because she is the one who knows where the house is. He's a foreigner. He doesn't know where he doesn't know the area he doesn't know.

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Then he doesn't know where they live. But he doesn't. Look, he doesn't speak. He doesn't say, Hey, girl, you know, just tell me where to go.

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Right? It's just let me go. Yeah, tell me laughter right? Just saying, All right, no. Do you know what he says to her? He doesn't need, he doesn't even want to hear her voice he just wants you to give me give me some indication. So he says, Take some pebbles and take some pebbles with you. And when you see that there's an area.

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When you see that I need to turn left or right, toss the pebble in that direction. So she is behind him. If he's walking and he needs to turn right, hey, she's just gonna toss a pebble Prophet Musa alayhis salam is not gonna Hey, girl, wait, you want me to go? Like,

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he doesn't sit next to her in front of her lady, the shyness. He's not saying Hey, girl, tell me where to go. Right. He's just, he's telling her just toss it to the right or to the left. So when she tosses it this way, then he will know to go that way. He doesn't need anything extra. anything more than that. Look how honest and shy and bashful Prophet Musa alayhis. Salam is, look how honorable he is. This is the kind of people that you want, as your spouse, people who are honest and trustworthy and shy, because if they are not trustworthy,

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before you get married to them, then what do you think is gonna happen? Now after you get married? Can you trust them? Can you trust that they might be around the bushes looking for another person right away after? After a year or two? They get tired of you, you know what? phone calls and text messages just like they used to text you? How do you know they're gonna stop doing that? They might continue. And that's why you have to look for someone who is who number one who has duck.

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Right? And secondly, who has good characteristics, good character, good morals, and good manners. And so this is some of that some of what we get from this, this, the these verses some let some lessons in this beautiful love story. And of course, he ends up marrying one of the daughters. Right. And as a result of that, he has a family now. Right? Remember, he's unemployed, he's unemployed. He doesn't have a family. He's unemployed, and he doesn't have a job and as a result of his honesty and righteousness and piety, a lawsuit behind what Allah gave him a job and gave him a wife

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gave him a job and gave him one. What's the lesson here? How did he get that? Because of his characteristics, because she saw him she saw what was in him. And so that's why

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this is something that in this society now, it's very, very important. It's very important for us when we're speaking about relationships and marriage and

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and the likes.

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We as Muslims, we have to make the halaal easy.

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When you make the Haram difficult when you make the halaal easy, then then you take care of the Haram and that's why the Messenger of Allah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam himself, he said, Yeah, Mashallah. Mashallah Shabaab all young So, youngsters, Minister, I'm in Komal balliet, as our whosoever is able to get married and let them do so, because it will be a protection for them. And when you get married, you have to try your very best, you know, to find someone have good morals and good character. Why? Because they will know you better than anyone else. Your secrets, your happiness and your sorrows. This is someone who you're going to be around with. And so that's why

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make sure you ask the correct the correct questions. And but you know, no matter what you do,

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you won't know that person. You won't know that person. You have to put your trust in Allah. You do all that you can, but the most important thing is do not do anything that's Haram. Because when you do anything when you when you go at it the wrong way. Then Baraka is taken away from it. the help of Allah and the blessing of Allah subhanho wa Taala is taken from that relationship. And that's why the Messenger of Allah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, he mentioned that you being together and the love that is between you and your spouse is not based on based on this and are based on that but it's based on your obedience to a lot because he says there is not two people who are together and

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then they are separated except that one

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Both of them have committed some sin,

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committed to sin. And so it's the disobedience of Allah Subhana Allah that causes these problems. And that's why you want to start everything off on the right foot. You know, you want to start everything off on the right foot. And you you want to look, if you want to look for

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Do you want to look for Mr. Right?

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Do you want to make a look for Mr. Right? Then make sure that he is upon the dean. And make sure that you try your very best to find out his characteristics of how he is with his family, or how she is with her parents and her brothers and sisters and so forth. And because marriage will either give you wings to fly, or lock you up in a cage to cry.

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But one of the most important thing also when it comes to marriage, is marriage is responsibility. Marriage is when responsibility becomes your responsibility. And that's why

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after the first few months of marriage,

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most couples will then realize that love does not increase by gazing into each other's eyes all day. Like you get to a point you know you get

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marriage, there's not a love there's not increased by gazing to each other, each other's eyes all day it increases with our gaze focused on common goals and taking care of responsibilities.

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Most people in this society you know when they say hey, when they got married, and they lived happily ever after.

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What is happily ever after happily ever after is not when you get married. Happily Ever After is when the both of you set foot in Jenin together, that's happily ever after. And that's why you have to look for someone who will help you in that matter. And you have to have that same goal and that goal is what the goal is the worship of Allah, it's the pleasure of Allah meant no matter what you're doing, you have to look forward for look to please Allah subhanho wa Taala

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and they say that marriage is institution. What kind of institution is it more depends on who you marry, then.

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But you know, if you marry the right person, it's one of the greatest blessings of this world because the Messenger of Allah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam he said, A dunya Mata, this dunya is full of pleasures. Well, hieromartyr zoologia saleha in the best of the pleasurable things of this world is a pious wife meeting. The most pleasurable things on this world is a pious, a spouse, a righteous husband, who takes care of you and helps you and, and and vice versa. And so when you're

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looking to get married, first and foremost, have the correct intentions, have the correct intentions and continue to make dua to Allah subhanho wa Taala. Make dua to Allah subhana wa tada and know that marriage you're doing so to please Allah subhanho wa Taala and you cannot please Allah subhanho wa Taala with that which is displeasing to Allah, you have to have the right intentions and your intention should be to please a lot to keep you away from her arm. And if you're trying to say okay, I want to get married to keep my herself from her arm, then why are you doing it through the Hara method, you cannot please Allah with that which is displeasing to him. The method also has to be

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pleasing to Allah. And that's why you have to stay away from all of these things that are haraam that may lead to, you know, greater harm. And there's always an alternative to that, which is halaal. And we have to stick to that. And as I mentioned yesterday, you have to put your trust in Allah subhanho wa Taala do all that you can, yes, you do all that you can. And the fathers also and mothers here,

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you send them a message, send messages to them also, to the parents that you know, you have to make it easy for your children because if you make it difficult for them, then you make the halaal difficult, then the Haram becomes easy. The Haram becomes easy, but at the same time, as I mentioned, to just to review a little bit, that these are responsibilities and that's why brothers. If you are thinking about getting married, and you don't even know how to clean your own room. You don't even do your own laundry. You don't even do any of these things yet. Then

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the

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Don't expect that after you get married, don't expect

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to to.

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Don't expect all of these things to be taken care of for you. Because your wife is not just a mother with perks. Now.

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These are responsibilities also in sisters alike. You have to take full responsibility do all that you can to please Allah subhanho wa Taala to help each other in whatever we can to please Allah Subhana Allah. And thus, if you want to marry someone with a good heart, as I mentioned, also just a review again, listen to what spews from his or her mouth. Because the content of the heart is expressed through the mouth of an individual. And if a person has a foul mouth, it's only expressing the foulness of the individuals heart. And that's why the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said a person's faith will not be upright unless his heart is upright and his heart will not be upright

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unless his tongue is upright. So watch Also, don't just look at the person's prayers only. But also look from what for what spews in front from their mouth and ask and consult with the people that know them and seek help from Allah subhanho wa Taala and ask Allah subhana wa tada to give you the best of this world in the hereafter and we asked Allah subhanho wa Taala to teach us with which benefit teaches that which benefits us and benefit us from that which he has taught us. What exactly went on fighting with Allah, Allah, Allah Nabina Muhammad while and he was so happy with

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that.

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Oh, that was a brilliant talk and very well anticipated, Mashallah.