Preference Of Parents Above All Else
Channel: Abdul Nasir Jangda
File Size: 33.17MB
So, while these three individuals are walking, they run into a storm for Malou illa vardan, Phil jabon. So they sought refuge, they just naturally gravitated towards a cave that was in a mountain. And so the even the language that the prophets of Salaam is using is that this wasn't their original intent. They didn't intend to end up in this cave, but they just naturally ended up there. And it's just something that they saw and it felt very natural for them to go and seek refuge in in that rain. And one of the first things we learned here we understand from the text of the Hadith itself is that sometimes, you know what can seem kind of like a, just just an obvious choice and obvious
course of action, a blessing in a tough moment, can turn out to be a really profound learning experience.
And then the Prophet of Allah salon he said, he goes on to say, from Hakata, Allah from johari, him sophora terminal Javon, that a huge boulder from a mountain basically came in and obstructed the opening of that cave
for us, baccata Allah him and that basically locked them in for Allah only Bowden. So they started to say to one another Andrew Mellon ml to Moo ha, lillahi Sala Hatton. So go and look for some actions, think about something that you've done for the sake of Allah subhanho wa Taala that was done out of piety out or was done out of righteousness solely for the sake of Allah. For Allah behala Allah who yes Raja, are you free to her so then go and make do I'm presented before Allah so that Allah subhanaw taala will open this the cave for us and he'll lead us out for Allah hi to him in Allahumma in Galilee Wylie, Danny Shea honey cabbie, Ronnie. So the first one says that all
along. I have two very old elderly parents very, very old. And what's what what? basically he's talking about parents that are extremely old, they're very senior, they're senile, Shea honey Cubby, Ronnie, very, extremely, two very old parents, when he Serbia, Slovakia and I also have lots of small children going to uralla him for either Rohatyn a fader or had to lay him for holiday. So he said that, when the day would finally end, I would go and I would milk my animals for Sheila and I would come in, I would bring the milk for contouring the uzima. And I would basically come in, I would stand so I would go and I would milk the animals and bring it to them. And it was it was kind
of like in the evening at night before they went to bed before they went to sleep. I would have milk for my parents, I would have some milk to drink for my children,
for them to enter uzima. So I stood by their by their heads as they were laying down my parents through an opiate of mommy no Mahima. But I didn't feel like waking them up from their sleep. So I was running a little late, they had already fallen asleep. So I came and I stood by their by their head by the by the bedside. And I didn't want to wake them up. I didn't want to disturb them.
But at the same time, excuse me, he says, but that to be Wiley DSP, my parabola quality and I would always give the milk first to my parents before I would give it to my children while we're in the who not be a shelter. And so then he talks about how I got kind of held up a little bit from it to say to so by the time I reached them, it was late at night for widget to Makkah Dyneema. And I found both of them sleeping.
So then he says I brought the milk and I stood by their bedside, and I didn't feel like waking them up from their sleep because they were elderly, they were old. Welcome to one of the obese obesity problems. And I didn't feel like starting with my children before them. Because this was something that I maintained a gesture of respect that I made to my parents, I would always give them milk to them first was sobia to Yatta Yatta Bhavana, in the academy and my children were you know, they were basically coming in kind of tugging and pulling at my feet. So as an expression, what it means is that my kids were starting to come around and they were complaining and they were hungry, and they
were looking for the milk. Fleming is that for me as a delegate that be well above total alpha, and I basically continued to stand there and this maintain this was my state in my condition, and my kids continue to be restless and anxious waiting and asking for milk until the time of the morning finally came for England for income to the LM an eval to include an eval to Danica Chica for flu. Jennifer jetten neuroimmune has summer so
Oh Allah you know that if I did this solely for your sake, and you accept this from me and I did this only to please you Oh Allah, then give us an opening so that we can see the sky just a little bit.
For faraja Allahu Allah whom for for jet and Hata Iran Amina sama so the boulder in move just a little bit until they could start to see the sky out of the opening a little bit. This is the first part of the text of this narration.
the premise of the narration of the Hadith and it's actually a very fundamental, it's a very profound text, which talks about that. When we talk about
seeking a relationship with Allah when we talk about being in the good graces of Allah when we talk about having something that we can present before Allah, something that we can put between us and Allah, to divert away from us the punishment, the anger, the wrath, the displeasure of Allah, and seek out the blessing of Allah subhanaw taala, then the first, the foremost, and the most profound thing that we can do, that we can present in that regard is our good deeds. Our good deeds are our biggest means of salvation with the last panel altana they're the greatest means of attracting the blessing of Allah. So this narration is also actually mentioned in the context of when we talk about
intercession. When we talk about intercession, when we talking when we talk about seeking refuge, when we talk about seeking salvation by virtue of something or someone.
But there's no doubt about there's no difference of opinion, there's no extra love. There's no difference amongst the scholars, by virtue of this narration and this text right here, that the most effective means of seeking the blessing in the mercy of Allah. And the most effective way of saving ourselves from the punishment or the anger in the Wrath of Allah is by means of our good deeds.
And so this narration, what it does is, not only does it make that very clear very explicitly, it states that our good deeds are the most important thing. And our good deeds are the most effective means of us avoiding the punishment of a law and attracting the mercy and the blessing of a lot. But it goes on to detail three deeds, that will be more key that will be more effective, and that are absolutely key and necessary, in terms of seeking the mercy in the blessing of Allah, three deeds above all other deeds that we might do. And it's actually going to be very eye opening. It's actually very, very eye opening. Because when you think about deeds, when you think about the three
best deeds that anyone could do, that someone could do, in terms of attracting the mercy and the blessing of Allah, and seeking salvation with Allah and seeking the help of Allah, right off the top of your head, if you had to name three deeds, that the types of deeds that usually come to mind are Salah
da peran. Fasting is a god so young, so that those are
those are the types of deeds that naturally come to mind. And this narrations purpose is not to diminish the importance of those deeds. That's a big misunderstanding, we can turn it into a competition of those these deeds are going to be important than those these are obviously no longer important. No, no, no, that's not the purpose here. But the purpose is to emphasize and to highlight certain deeds that we take for granted. You see, a line is messengers a lot. So when they highlight certain deeds, they're not doing it, necessarily to say that it's more better or it's superior is more important than other deeds. But the purpose of it many times, is because people have a lack of
appreciation for those deeds.
People have a lack of appreciation for those deeds. People take certain things for granted. So lion is messenger, sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, they highlight certain deeds to remind us that listen, here's something that you obviously take for granted.
And when we talk about these deeds, we'll see how it's something that we do without a shred of a doubt, we do take for granted. But at that point in time, it's being emphasized that don't take this for granted. It might seem like something mundane, it might seem like something minute, it might seem like something not that important in the grand scheme of things. But it's actually very, very important. And it's a very necessary part of our spiritual journey and spiritual experience in relationship with Allah subhanaw taala. So the first deed they talk about here is to simplify it is to be good to your parents,
to be good to your parents. That's the first deed mentioned here by the prophets all of a sudden.
And I'm gonna be talking about two things here.
While this narration is moreso talking about one of these things, but I feel that as a prerequisite we're going to talk about a second topic.
realize and understand the first and foremost issue is just
The rights of the parents the basic necessary, God given God obligated ordained rights of the parents. That's not what this narration is talking about.
This narration is talking about what we learned in the Santa Whittaker answers, to Excel to practice excellence with one's parents. Because what the man basically presented as a deed before a law,
you know, serving food and milk to them, serving the milk to them before he served it to anyone else. That's not like an obligation
and then staying up all night long, just standing there in waiting, and kind of being torn between not wanting to serve anyone else before he serves them. But at the same time, not wanting to disturb or wake them up, and standing by their head side by their bedside. All night long, just holding a bowl of milk. It's not an obligation. That's not a photo by any means. It's not like a necessary, right.
Right? That later tonight, like you're just standing by the side of your parents bed holding milk, they wake up, they're like, Oh, god, what are you doing here? Right, like, don't be a creeper. Right? Like don't don't don't like I'm doing what the Hadith said like. So it's not like some necessary right of the parents that must be fulfilled, or else could be questioned on to the judgment. But it's a sign, it's somebody going another step further, in just trying to do right by their parents to trying to do the best that they can for their parents.
Bye, bye, bye, bye. This is their expression of love and devotion and respect and dedication to their parents. So that's what the narration talks about. But as you know, a precursor as a prerequisite. We will talk about the basic absolute rights of the parents. But realize and understand this narration this hadith highlights the fact that you know, what, if you're a human being,
if you're a human being, if you're a normal sound,
you know, basic, common sense having human being,
then you will fulfill the basic rights of your parents. Because that's something that's just an undeniable reality in truth. I mean, they're your parents. And we'll talk a little bit more about this. But this narration is saying that one of the best deeds a person can do to better their relationship with Allah, to seek the blessings of Allah.
To seek the mercy and the compassion of Allah and the favor of align their lives is to go above and beyond
the rights of their parents to go way beyond what is the the the call what is a necessary requirement in terms of the rights of the parents and respecting the parents. But to go beyond that to do something extra, even though it wasn't required. Why because they are your parents. So now to talk about the rights of the parents, I'd like to kind of start at the very basic at the very basic level.
The Koran when speaking about parents,
before we even talk about how the Quran talks about the parents and what it tells us about the rights and being good to the parents.
What does it we'll start even basic What language is called on us when talking about the parents, there are two words that are used when talking about the parents in the Quran. The first word of the Koran uses is Wiley Dane.
And the second word the Quran uses is Abba Wayne,
Wayne, and while leading to words that are on uses when talking about the parents, and even the origin of these words, is actually very interesting, teaches you a little something about the Arabic language, the word Abba Wayne,
comes from the word up, which means father.
All right, and the way this basically works is that there's a rhetorical function in the Arabic language called slue. With taglib
was Snoop Dogg Lee basically means that sometimes you have to separate things to separate entities that are mentioned together that are spoken about together very frequently, very commonly,
they're very commonly mentioned together. And what you do in depth cases, instead of saying each one, both of them over and over again, having to say each one over and over again, repeatedly, you take one of those entities and you put it into its dual form like in the Arabic language, everyone's probably is aware that you know, in English, we have a singular and plural in the Arabic language, you have a singular then you have a dual to have something and then you have a plural
Kitab book Kitab Bani or Kitab benei, which is two books, and then you have kootu then you have multiple books. So this is that's the way the Arabic language works, one, two, and then plural, three or more. So it's a little different than English. So what you do in the Arabic language is when you talk about two things together very, very
Frequently, you take one of them, you put it into a duel form. Now it's representative of both those entities at the same time. So let me give you a couple of examples of this chanson Ahmed Shams mean son, Amara means moon. Shams mean son, common means moon. Now in classical Arabic, especially in poetry and whatnot, they're talking about the sun in the moon, the sun in the moon, the sun in the moon very frequently very common. It's, it's for both of them to be mentioned together. It's very, very common. So instead of having to say shampoo, a shampoo will come out, over and over again repeatedly together. What could be done in the Arabic language and is practiced by the poets and
different, you know, people of eloquence in the Arabic language is you take one of them, you put it into its dual form in our represents both of them. So when you say, come out on or come out rain.
It looks like it says two moons, but it actually represents the sun and the moon. That's the way the Arabic language works.
Another very common example of this is Abu Bakar. Omar,
Abu Bakar. Rama mentioned together very frequently. So instead of having to say Abu Bakar Omar every single time, you say you're a moron,
moron, and so it looks like it says to are modest, but in reality now it's representative of Abu Bakar. Under Armour, has a name
has a name looks like it says two husbands, but it actually represents Hassan and Hussein the two brothers are called Hassanein together. So similarly, the word Abilene, the word for parents comes from the word of the word of means father.
The word means father. So you take that word, and you put it into its dual form above one or above Wayne.
And now even though it looks like it says two fathers,
but that's not right. So what it actually means is it means father and mother
of what Ohm Ohm is mother of his father of a Wayne father and mother parents. The other words for parents. So this word of Wayne draws on the word Father, the Word Whalley doing, while he then comes from the root word, while as well as me literally means to give birth to physically give birth. And obviously, all right, who's the one that gives birth the mother or the father? The mother does. So she's called the Wiley
Wiley, l walidah. The mother, the one who physically gives birth, the father is called Waleed, by extension. So you say Whalley Dane. And now it means parents. But this time it comes from the word mother. So the word abolade means parents. It comes from the word Father, the Word Wiley de means mother, and it comes from the word, the word, why do they need parents, but it comes from the word, mother. So these are the two words for parents in the Quran. I've always seen parents coming from the word father, worldleading parents coming from the word mother.
But now, it's very interesting and profound in the usage of the Quran. And this will kind of lead us into talking about the different rights of the parents, and our obligations towards our parents. What's very interesting is that the Quran, whenever it talks about respecting the parents, whenever he talks about making to offer the parents whenever he talks about being good towards your parents, it uses the word wild leading.
It uses the word wild leading,
which means parents but it's drawing it comes from the word which is primarily used for the mother.
And the reason for that, the scholars and Mufasa room they explained the reason for that is that Allah subhanaw taala is reminding us that, yes, respect to your parents, be good to your parents make to offer your parents, but a little bit extra for your, for your mother,
a little bit extra for your mother.
Why that is we'll talk about in just a minute, but just kind of make a mental note of that. So now let's talk about the basic rights of the parents. One thing that you that will again, starting off at the very basic level, on the book of Allah, whenever it talks about the rights of the parents, the Quran presents the rights of the parents in two ways. First and foremost, the very, you know, central fundamental idea in this entire discourse on the rights of the parents is from Surah number 17 wakaba buka, elata, boo Illa, Yahoo have been valid any Santa
that your Lord has decreed that you worship no one other than Him, and that you be excellent towards your parents. So the excellence towards the parents is being mentioned. Right there with
the rights the soul right the obligation to worship when Allah
and no one else other than Allah to heed and then the rights of the parents.
Last Potala pairs these two things together to remind us of the importance of the rights of the parents. Another place in the Quran Allah says we're either hudna mitaka Bernice La ilaha illallah wa baignoire. Lead any Santa that Allah says we took a covenant from the children of Israel, we took a covenant from Vanessa in
that they that you worship no one other than a Latin that you'd be good towards your parents. By virtue of this, what we understand is, there are certain teachings that are specific to the home of the Prophet sallallahu sallam.
Like when the Quran talks about the specific issues of Voodoo and salah and siyam that's very specific to this oma. But there are certain things Allah mentions in the Quran that are universal values, meaning every prophet, every messenger talk and preach these things. This was a fundamental part of the teachings of every prophet. So he did, obviously the biggest amongst them. But the next thing Allah mentioned after though he that was a universal teaching of all the profits, was being good towards your parents.
I was a fundamental part of the teaching of every single profit every single messenger.
And so this is a universal value. And this is a value this is a teaching that has been coupled with that has been coupled with worshipping Allah subhanaw taala, in recognizing the oneness of Allah, such a fundamental profound value.
And then we go back to the sutra number 17. Now what does Allah say is should be our interaction with our parents. This is a very famous verse very famous, I, uh, most people are familiar with this. Let's read through it and basically understand what it's saying. We'll call the autoboca.
Shana, Allah says,
In the Kalki bara huduma, Oklahoma,
that is one of one of them, or both of them, reaches very old age with you.
meaning you're still there, you're with them and they've reached very, very old age one of them or both of them.
For lots of them, Don't utter the sound, don't say the word off to them.
Don't utter that sound of displeasure towards them.
Don't say anything bad or abrupt or offensive towards them. And a lot of the scholars is called IO to feed the scholars comments about this expression of oath where it's literally a sound.
It's a sound it's not like even a proper word. It's a sound that Don't utter a sound of displeasure, a sound of irritation, a sound of disrespect towards them.
For lack of a Latin humor, and don't be abrupt, don't be rude with them open llama colon Karima. And say something very nice and respectful and noble to them.
That first of all, don't disrespect them. If you notice your last panel agenda is giving us the bare minimum. Don't cross this line. He told us be excellent towards your parents, but he's showing us where the line is. Don't cross this line. Don't say off to them. Don't be abrupt to them. Don't be rude with them. And if there's nothing else that you can do for them, there's nothing you have to offer to them. There's absolutely nothing you have to provide to them to take care of them to be good to them. Then at the very least just try to see something nice to them.
Just try to say something nice to them. Well fit lahoma Jenna has Illumina raw and lower the wings of mercy for them.
Be merciful, be compassionate. Be affectionate towards them.
Welcome Robin hamaca Mara biani Savita and then say Allah subhanaw taala teaches us to automate for our parents. Robin hamaca motto by Annie Sevilla, that my lord have mercy upon them like they raised me when I was small.
Like they raised me when I was small, think back to everything my parents did for me, everything they did for us, and then Allah have mercy on them the way they took care of me when I was small.
And that's the basic idea. You know, this, this aspect of making to offer the parents is very, very important. Ibrahim Alayhi Salam when he makes to add to our last panel Rotella at the building of the Kaaba and at the founding of the city of Mecca, and setting down the foundation of the blessing house of Allah.
When Ibrahim Ali Salam is finally presented with the opportunity to make do it he says, what does he say Robbie Gianni Mati masala to mean to deity Robin.
Our Lord our our master forgive us and our parents forgive me and my parents who remembers to make two offers parents. That's the very first thing we realize here we understand yours to make dua and we're going to go on to talk about developing love and having a good relationship. And it all starts with making the when you make to offer someone it literally builds love in their heart for you and in your heart for them. So making do is a very, very important issue when we talk about respecting others.
Parents now to go back to that pseudo number 17 that we were talking about the famous ayah. About not even saying off to your parents. You know, we often we've heard that before we've read the translation before. What's very interesting was very profound when you think about it is notice pay attention to the language of the ayah. The is an invaluable one there in the cultiva
ma ma, ma,
ma, ma ma, when they become very, very old, it's talking about old senior senile parents.
It's not talking about you know, functioning, intelligent working lucid parents.
I mean, just taking a basic scan of the room. Most of all, most of y'all are young uns. So most of your parents are perfectly normal, functioning, intelligent, sound minded, you know, individuals.
It's not talking about that talking about when your parents are very old and senile senility.
When the body starts to give out,
and they can't carry themselves, they can't lift themselves, they can't walk on their own. They can't use the restroom on their own.
I mean, this is stuff y'all haven't even thought about most of y'all.
They can't even go to the restroom on their own. I was talking to a friend of mine recently. And his mother's have suffered a very severe stroke. And so he went to go take care of his mother and spend some time with her.
And he called me from there. I was just, we were talking, I was asking how his mom is doing and things like that. And he said this morning.
He's like, bro, this morning, I sat and I fed my mother.
breakfast with the spoon. But she couldn't even eat solid foods. I was basically feeding her like,
like blended food.
And immediately what that reminds you of, it's like baby food.
Like baby food. He said, I sat there and I spoon fed my mother baby food. And because it puts everything into perspective, you really understand you realize.
So it's talking about old tea. Now parents with the bodies given out
where the mind starts to slip.
My grandmother before she passed away had very severe Alzheimer's.
And I saw the toll that that took on her and that the toll that that took on her kids on my mom and her siblings,
that there were days she didn't even know who they weren't, she didn't recognize them. She'd wake up in the morning terrified she didn't know where she was. She didn't recognize that people know the place where she was.
When the mind starts to give out where emotionally they regress the Quran says you're about to enter out of the armor
that they get returned back to the worst of ages. The worst age possible. They literally become like children except it's a lot more difficult now because they're not children.
But they emotionally are no different than children, tantrums and upset and angry and needy and demanding the minds given out the emotion emotionally their children physically they're falling apart. That this is the situation that Allah subhanaw taala is talking now put those pieces together understand the lesson even in this situation.
Don't you dare ever lose your cool with your parents. Don't you dare ever be respectful with your parents. You're not allowed to.
And what really puts things into perspective a lot of times you know it's a it's the saying of the of the scholars in the wise people. Some of the some have attributed it as a hadith but it there's not a lot of
authentic there's not enough authentic authentification to to say that this is a hadith but nevertheless it is a saying of the scholars and a wisdom shared to shared with us by the scholars that they say boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo boo boo can be good to your parents because your kids will be good to you. Kamata Dino to Dan What goes around comes around. And that's the situation with the parents. There's these little stories that are told little bits and pieces of wisdom.
Where there was one time You know, there's this young sound, you know, young, you know,
intelligence intelligent, older guy, an adult basically, he's got a very old senior elderly father.
So the father asks him, he goes, son, what time is it?
So son goes, Dad, it's nine o'clock.
little while later literally 30 seconds. 60 seconds later, son What time is it?
30 seconds. 60 seconds later, son What time is it? Like, seriously, bro?
Like, are you kidding me?
What do you what time do you think it is?
It's 902. Like how many times you can ask me the same question. I'm busy over here. I'm trying to take care of something. And tweet tweeting, you messed up my hashtag.
So it's like, abrupt.
Like, seriously, guy come on.
And the father tells us and he goes, I knew exactly what time it was. I was just seeing how long it would take how many times I could ask you before you lost your cool.
Before you just went off on me.
He goes, because I remember the time when you were a little kid. And you asked me the same question. 60 times in 60 minutes?
Every minute every 60 seconds. Daddy, what time is it? Daddy? What time is it? What time is it? And every single time I didn't just tell you I did the whole song and dance 904
I have little kids. For him too.
It's like, you basically have to act like Elmo all the time.
Right. So that's, that's what you do for your kids. I did that for you. And I asked you three times and you completely lost it. I was just Just checking. I go back to hash tagging.
There's another little story similarly that that what goes around comes around. Well, there's an elderly father who's annoying.
Just an annoying old man
does a nuisance. Too much trouble too much. Too much work too much trouble. So son finally says that's it old man. I'm done with you.
This is it. I can't deal with you no more. So he picks up the dad
can even walk old man picks up the dad throws them over shoulder says I'ma go I'ma leave you somewhere. And I'm done with you.
So he starts walking, to just drop his dad off just to leave him somewhere.
And walks and walks and walks and finally the father goes alright, this is perfect. Right here. He goes, what something specially like, why are you right? Here he goes, because this is where I left my dad.
When my dad got older, my dad got annoying. This is exactly where I left him. So you can drop me off right here. I had this coming. I saw this coming for years.
So the Quran when it talks about the rights of the parents, it talks about in a very specific concept to deliver that effect. It's talking about old seniors, senile,
decrepid. Parents, very difficult to deal with. And even then it's saying Watch yourself.
And that's the context in which it talks about the rights of the parents as a universal value. Couples it with the worship of Allah subhanaw taala that our last fedwatch Allah talks about being grateful to the parents, along with being grateful to him.
Allah subhanaw taala emphasizes being grateful to Allah be grateful to me and to you towards your parents.
And he joins these two things together to deliver exactly that same effect for us to realize the importance and the magnitude of the rights of the parents.
what are some of these more specific, you know, rights of the parents? What do we need to understand in order to fulfill the rights of the parents and to go beyond that, and to start to do good towards our parents?
There's basically four areas of concern. There's four things we have to be careful about as children, there are four things we got to look out for.
Number one, is speech. How do we talk to them?
Number two is the heart.
What do we how do we even feel about them?
Number three, is with the body. Physically, how do we interact with them? What do we do for them? And number four is our wealth, our material possessions?
How do we manage our relationship with our parents along with the material possessions that we have the wealth the money that we have?
When talking about speech, of course Allah subhanaw taala tells us colon Kadeem and a very noble, dignified word for your parents. wakulla Colin Kereama offer a very noble dignified word for your parents. To put that into context, what that means, in pseudo thought and sort of number 20, when Allah subhanaw taala commands Moosa and Haruna alayhi wa sallam to go and talk to fit around.
Allah subhanho wa Taala tells him to
This picture on how
tolon login and oehlen login for coolala, who Colin vegana he says speak to them speak to frown very softly, very gently.
And think about that for a minute for a moment. musen Haruna alagille alayhis salam are who they are authorities.
There they are authorities and their authority is established by a law directly through divine revelation, they are prophets of Allah. And they are going to speak to whom, who are they going to speak to? They're going to speak to fit around who is fifth round, fifth round is the most wretched human being alive. Wow. And naraku Allah, who proclaimed himself to be the Lord Most High.
So this is a wretched terrible tyrant, who is disrespectful to Allah.
When Allah tells the prophet to go and talk to such a terrible human being, he says, speak to them very softly, very gently. Now compare that to when Allah tells us to talk to our parents, he says, speak to them very, with nobility with dignity with honor, think about how much more profound and how much more great greater that is.
Think about what that exactly means by comparing it by putting into contrast, if Allah tells the prophets to speak, to fit on very softly, very gently, very kindly, how should we be talking to our parents?
Sorry, the moon will say, a great savvier a great scholar, he basically says that the way you speak to your parents is how a very weak sinful disobedient slave would speak to his master who is very powerful.
With respect, not taking this for granted, understanding exactly his position here, you know, we come in to put things into context, our context, we are products that we come from a culture that breeds a lot of independence, a lot of individuality.
And we pride ourselves on our individuality and our independence.
And it's, even though a lot of times, when you think you're independent, you're actually not.
And I just know, simply because I, myself, I'm speaking, I can only speak from my frame of reference, or letting mom suhaib speak from the other frame of reference while speak from my frame of reference, as the as, as a child of immigrant parents, who came to this country.
I'm just gonna go ahead and say it. All right. You know, your parents, everything, all the nice clothes you got on mommy and daddy bought them. that nice little cell phone gadget you got in your hands. Mashallah mommy and daddy bought it for you. that nice little iPad or laptop computer and the money in the pocket and the money you're gonna spend in the bazaar today? You know, you got the hookup basically. All right, you're getting hooked up by your parents. So a lot of times when we try to say we're independent, I don't need you. I don't need them, they can't tell me what to do. Yeah, actually, you kind of do.
You actually do need them quite a bit. So I'm just saying it like it is. But at the same time, there is a certain reality to where in this society in this culture, where we live today, a person can actually start to become pretty independent, if they set their mind to it. If they're serious about it, by the age of 18, you could be very well could be independent, be completely on your own life actually would be a lot tougher than maybe you realize, you wouldn't get to drive the nice car and wear the nice clothes and go to the expensive school that you go to. But that's for you to learn on your own shallow, alright, or hopefully not. But nevertheless, you could achieve quite a level of
But in spite of that fact, what's very important to understand is that so we oftentimes talk about that independence, and we're very fixated on that being independent from our parents.
But you know what, we're actually never completely independent from our parents. Because even if you've,
you found some way to become independent from your parents, emotionally, physically, financially, you were able to gain independence from your parents and be on your own spiritually, you are tied to your parents, spiritually, you are tied to your parents in the court of law, you are tied to your parents, you're not independent. And the way you deal with them, the way you treat them and the way they perceive you. That's the amazing thing.
The Prophet of Allah lobbyism didn't leave the ball in our hands, because he knew we would probably what we would do with it, but he put the ball into parents court, when that's a hobby is experiencing the pains of death and going through a lot of suffering while leaving this world and the profit or loss on the lower leg in some sense for the mother and says, Are you upset with him? He says, yeah.
You see, are you upset with him? The son probably like nah, me and my mom's is cool.
We're fine. We're okay. I sent her a card last month.
We're perfectly fine. I email her once a week.
We're good. I left her a voicemail. hamdulillah she didn't pick up.
Right? So he would probably say we're fine, we're good. But the Prophet says, I'm saying no as asking the Mother, are you upset with him? You see, you got to take into consideration how they feel, how they perceive what they feel about the situation. So let's get on with Allah, Allah and His messengers who loves him put the ball in their court. So you're always tired, you're always dependent upon your parents spiritually, at the very least, if for nothing else.
I'm 33 years old.
I mean, of course, emotionally, I'm still very attached to my parents even, you know, intellectually, I depend on my parents I seek from their wisdom, I asked him questions. But to quite an extent, you know, I mean, I pretty much am responsible for a lot for most of my life on my own. Now, I do a lot of this stuff on my own, I have to, it's required of me at this point, I have my own family, I have my I have a wife, I have kids. I have people that depend on me.
But at the same time, I have to understand that I am still spiritually attached to my parents. And that's very important to remember.
And so when speaking to the parents, we speak to them with humility,
and with dignity,
as a bulwark of humility and dignity, humbling yourself, not being arrogant, not being abrupt, and SubhanAllah. You know, nothing is more heartbreaking in this world. Nothing is more heartbreaking in this world. When you see an elderly, elderly parents,
and their son or their daughter has now become an adult.
And when they speak to their parents, disrespectfully, and they're arrogant, and they put their parents down,
I pray and I hope you've never done that, or that you never do that.
But even forget about doing it, when I see it. It breaks my heart.
Because a lot of times because the parent is elderly. And because the parents feels like I don't want to lose my relationship with my son or my daughter. I don't want them to cut me off.
they tolerate abuse, they tolerate disrespect, and arrogance from their parent from the child.
And it's just the most tragic, horrible, ugly, ugliest thing you've ever seen. or break your heart.
But humble yourself before your parents and speak to them with dignity, dignify them, honor them,
dignify them and honor them. You know, I had to catch myself, you know, the benefit of some of these sessions. And this is an opportunity to just talk very openly, very, frankly, very openly.
I actually had to catch myself last week.
I've always had a very, very good relationship with both my parents. But with my father, my father really, truly is a man that I look up to that I admire a lot.
And so, I've always, I mean, the first person I consult with that I seek advice from, you know, just in life, and in anything else that I'm going through or dealing with is my father. He's counsel for me.
But as I get older and older,
I realized I really didn't as much as I used to sit down and talk to my dad, and just ask him for advice. And so He even told me this past week, a couple of days ago, he actually told me he goes, it's been a while since we sat down and we talk your big man now. You know how to handle it handle things now. And he was actually kind of proud. He's like, thank goodness, because I was tired of talking to your whiny but right, coming here crying like I got a daughter. It's not you. Right, I'm just joking. I'm gonna get like, torn to shreds. I apologize. I have two daughters. I love them to death. So, but, but I know, I know my relationship with my daughters and how they're close to me.
And they talk to me about every little thing. So my dad was just kind of like, I'm kind of glad that you're like, you know, showing some level of independence. But then I realized I was like, when's the last time I did get some wisdom from this man.
So sometimes you have to catch ourselves but dignify them, respect them and honor them. You might not need them, you might not need to talk to them. You might not have to ask them anything, but you still put them in that position of dignity and respect and show them that respect.
And so that's something to keep in mind. You know, Imam Ali Rahim Allah
in his book in the here when talking about hon Maru for Nahanni Mancha. When talking about enjoying the good and forbidding the evil, he talks about
The truth, he talks about the conditions of enjoying the good and forbidding the evil, at the end of that discussion of enjoying the good and forbidding the evil, and it's different, you know, it's different prerequisites and requirements. He says at the end of it, that once you have fulfilled these requirements of enjoying the good and forbidding the evil, then at that point in time, it's it's a, it's an obligation, it's a right, it's a command of Allah, as soon as the profits a lot, so you have to do what you enjoy the good and forbidding evil, he says, These are the things to keep in mind, these are the conditions, once you have fulfilled these conditions, you must enjoy the good
and forbidding evil, and if it bothers the other person, if it upsets the other person that's not on you.
But of course, those requirements of enjoying the good for being the evil are being humble, being respectful, and all that good stuff. But at the end of it if you're doing everything you possibly could, fulfilling all the conditions of enjoying the good and forbidding the evil, and then you do that, because it's a command of a lot and somebody gets upset, that's not on you.
That's not your bad, that's on them. that's their problem. That's their issue, with one exception, with one exception.
And that exception is the parents.
That at the end of everything, you fulfilled all the requirements, if you still try to say something good to them, or point out something may be wrong to them, and it upsets them your bet,
if it will upset them back off.
That's the extent of the rights of the parents. And then of course, we talked about even in terms of speech making to offer them and we talked about that.
In terms of the heart,
in terms of the heart, the second area of you know, focusing in terms of fulfilling the rights of the parents. One thing that's very important in terms of the heart is having, like we talked about having love and respect and affection and admiration for your parents. And part of the heart is along with the speeches making to offer them sincerely praying to Allah subhanaw taala for them, and not just praying in front of them to guess you know, Allah bless my parents, but you do it privately in your private moments, where you spend with the last panel with Allah, and you make to offer your parents and you remember your parents
to not be resentful towards your parents. Because when you resent your parents, and you will harbor bad sentiments, towards your parents, you actually harm yourself.
Sugar, sugar is an it's not just an expression of gratitude. It's a state of gratitude. And Allah subhanaw taala commanded us be in a state of gratitude towards me towards a lot and be in a state of gratitude in a condition of gratitude, with a mindset and a heart filled with gratitude towards your parents.
So it's very important in terms of the heart as well that you appreciate the parents, and you love your parents, and you're grateful towards your parents, and you are very responsive towards your parents, how responsive towards your parents, that the scholars have talked about this, the books are full of these details, that if your parents call you
if your parents are looking for you, and you're praying optional prayer,
you're offering voluntary optional prayer.
At that point in time, it becomes your right and your up it becomes their right and your obligation towards them to go and answer them first. You can come back and make this up and finish this up later if you want to, if you need to. But you first have to go and listen to them. islamically speaking it is a part of our phip
that when your parents, that when your parents tell you to do something that might be slightly disliked not on
that thought any Muslim fimasartan Holic we don't there's no obedience for the creation when it requires the disobedience of the Creator. We're not talking about something that's foreign, there's something that's wrong, that's that's where you draw the line. But even that how you engage with that is a different discussion. But when they're telling you to do something that might be slightly disliked. mcru the books of your talk about it, your parents are asking you to do something mcru that at that point in time now becomes an obligation of becomes wajib upon you.
in normal circumstances mcru now becomes wajib upon you.
When your parents are telling you not to do something that is a good deed a good act of reward, must the help and they're telling you don't do it.
They're telling you don't do it. Something that's nice to have something that's a good deed.
Then now not doing it becomes Mr. hub and doing it would actually become an act of disobedience towards your parents and so actually would be a sin. Doing something good can become a sin and doing something normally that would have been disliked and becomes something that is an obligation loved by Allah solely by the commander of the forbidding of the parents. That's the role that
They've been given. That's the place that they've been given. I'm going to speed this up just a little bit in terms of physically showing respect towards your parents, little little things. You know, Allah subhanaw taala teaches us guiding principles. Allah subhanaw taala told us not to raise our voice above the voice of the messengers a lot he sent them. by extension the scholars draw from that don't raise your voice above your parents
and raise your voice above their voice. Don't raise your voice in front of them.
That Allah subhanaw taala told the told the believers about the prophets, a lot of them, don't speak about him. Don't call out to Him. Don't address him like you would address anyone else. Some normal Joe Schmo.
Don't Don't just address him like he's not just Mohammed, the angel, next door neighbor, Mohammed. He's Mohammed Rasul Allah, the prophet of God, peace and blessings be upon him.
Similarly, you don't address your parents just like hey, Abdul Hamid as my last name.
I even feel awkward saying it. Someone said that I when I meet a brother named me too, I like call him something else. It's just just just not programmed to do it. Like Hey, brother, like my name is Hamid. Good for you, brother.
Right? But you don't address your parents with their name.
Showing that respect, even in terms of how you what scholars have talked about how you walk with them, holding the door open for them. culturally speaking, it's disrespectful to if it's disrespectful to walk in front of them, you don't walk in front of them.
When you're sitting with them, you don't leave without taking permission, can I go Can I leave? Is it all right and you take care of something like you excuse yourself before you leave. That's common courtesy. You excuse yourself before you leave anyone's company, let alone your parents.
In terms of wealth and money,
that use you know, something very interesting Zakat, the Masonic of the Zakat, where you can spend your charity where you can give your Zakat, the parents you're not allowed to give your sick out to your parents.
You're not allowed to give yours a cot to your parents, to your siblings. Yes, your cousins, yes.
You're not allowed to give it to your parents.
You know why?
Because you don't get to you don't get to take that out of your charity, that's your responsibility. Regardless.
There's no two for the price of one here.
I'm gonna drop off a check for my mom
zeca taking care of you and that little meme with that little baby is the gods paid, right?
You don't get to do that. That's your responsibility. Regardless, you got to take care of your parents even financially. And you know, a lot of times people fear this like, Man, you know, like, we just kind of start to have a little wind once you start to about to graduate college roofers, get a job and kind of learn how the world works. So dad has a 401k looking and the whole time The thing is, well, you better have your stuff taken care of because I am about to take care of you. All right. I ain't about to spend a bunch of money on you. All right, I'm about to get a nice job and I'll buy a nice car and and buy a nice clothes and all buy a nice house. I'll take care of me. So
how's the retirement fund looking is going good portfolio solid hum de la. Right. It's an honor
to be able to serve and take care of your parents. It's something to actually look forward to.
It's something to seek out the opportunity for, and the scholars have written about it, that one of the biggest means of seeking Baraka and blessing in your life is by taking care and serving your parents.
It's this is something I've personally experienced.
Something I've personally experienced
my father and my mother both in order to be able to spend time with us and raise us and teach us their our Deen directly. And then in an effort to always make sure that the income that they brought in was the most lawful possible. There were a lot of business money making opportunities that were passed up along the way,
which puts more of a responsibility on me
by swear to you, it's just it's unbelievable the buttock and the blessing that comes out of taking care of your parents, being there for them, serving them, financially being of assistance to them, and that's a right of your parents upon you.
And it's one of the biggest means of seeking better care and blessing.
If someone's parents have passed away, the rights of the parents don't end there. If somebody's parents have passed away the rights of the parents or lender, you continue to make the offer them fulfilling any promises that they might have made something they told you to take care of. Seeing that through is the right and the responsibility of those parents joining relations, maintaining a good relationship with their friends and their families.
is a part of respecting the parents. The prophets a lot of them said that part of honoring the father is that you continue to respect the relationships the friendships of your father long after your father is gone.
And so, now what qualifies as disrespect towards the parents very quickly.
Physically disrespect can be shown to the parents obviously physically striking or hurting your parents is completely out of the question, which goes without saying,
walking away from your parents is a major sign of disrespect when you abandon them when you walk away from them.
When you ignore your parents when they speak to you when you don't pay full attention to them when they're talking to you is a major disrespect towards your parents.
rolling your eyes scholars have listed these things in classical texts rolling your eyes at your parents. Major sign of disrespect. Having animosity or hatred or resentment towards your parents in your heart is a major sign of disrespect and speaking out saying negative things towards your parents a major sign of disrespect.
And why should we be so concerned about disrespecting our parents, because one of the swiftest of the punishments of Allah is reserved for that person who disrespects his parents. The Prophet of Allah Salafi someone has clearly explained that disrespecting your parents is an act that not only incurs the wrath or the anger and the punishment of Allah in this world, but also in the life of the hereafter in this world and the life of the hereafter.
degeneration, there's a Hadith of the prophets a lot. He said that somebody who has disrespected their parents, and offended their parents will not enter Paradise, and that person will be in the ranks of an out of people who drink alcohol.
People who were who drank alcohol, that this person will be in the ranks of those people would like to be lined up with those people.
That it literally takes away from the emaan it diminishes the emaan of a person, the person who diminishes the relationships of his father.
When you disrespect and you diminish the relationships that your father maintained his entire life, it diminishes the amount of that son or that child, that person
cursing your parents is you cursing yourself. When you speak ill of your parents, you speak ill of yourself, you curse yourself, you don't do them any harm, you only harm yourself.
So obeying your parents, is actually gratitude towards your Lord. Respecting and honoring your parents is acting on the book of Allah.
dignifying your parents and obeying your parents is actually obey the commands of a lion following the Sunnah of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, and the scholars have written that a disrespect of the parents.
disrespect of the parents can deprive the greatest scholar, the person with the greatest amount of knowledge that you can imagine somebody who has an immense amount of knowledge, disrespect of his or her parents will completely deprive that person from the benefit of their knowledge. They'll have a lot of knowledge right here on the tongue. They'll be able to give long, lengthy talks and speeches, they'll be able to quote a lot of narrations, but they won't benefit from their knowledge because the first and foremost thing and that was maintaining their relationship with their parents they weren't able to do.
There is nothing in the Quran. nowhere in the Quran have we been told to be grateful to anyone other than Allah except for the parents. Think about that in Allah spoke in the last Kitab
which is for Allah from Allah.
teaching us how to have a relationship with Allah.
Allah subhanho wa Taala specifically said Be grateful to your parents. Allah said that Allah shared his domain in that regard with the parents, by saying be grateful to me and to your parents. Think about how important it is.
This you know there's narrations there's a hadith or stories from the life of the prophets of Salaam where the prophets hasn't told so how about the loved one whom that serving and taking care and being there for your parents is more virtuous is more important and more rewarding and more effective and bring you closer to Allah than even fighting in the path of Allah.
Then even doing jihad fighting on behalf of the religion, it is more important, more virtuous, more necessary, more rewarding to serve your parents.
Think about that.
And so that's just a very, very basic superficial discussion, very surface level discussion about some of the rights of the parents and respecting of the parents. I want to end on just a couple of
on a couple of very specific points. This is generally from the person
On from the life of the Prophet salallahu alaihe salam from the Sunnah of the messenger ceylonese. And what we learned some of the principles, key guiding principles, what we learn in terms of respecting our parents, there are many classical texts that have been authored by great scholars about the respect of the parents. And I recommend that you sit down and you learn those, you know, all the time that you invest into debating online about al Qaeda.
And I'm talking about all the time that you invest into on Facebook debating about differences of opinion, and what's the strongest opinion, like you're absolutely in a position to know what's the strongest opinion. And I'd like you to give me a fatwa after the sessions over inshallah. All right, all the time that's invested into these talking about these issues that you have no real business talking about.
invests that same amount of time, you know, and I'm even talking about let's just say you don't make these calls on your own, you go to a person of knowledge and ask them the question, What questions do you even ask people have knowledge? What questions you asked to share for the Imam?
What questions do you ask, go to any mom, go to somebody learned, go to a person of knowledge and say, I'd like to study a text about respecting the parents. I'd like for you to teach me about the hoopoe of the world eating bill rule validating, being good towards my parents take out time, this is a very introductory session at best.
So make time to learn more about that. Now, I just wanted to end on a couple of very specific issues.
When talking about respect of the parents, I think generally everybody kind of understands what we're talking about here. And if you're a human being with sound fitrah, if you're a human being with sound fitter, and you're not deluding yourself,
I think you have a pretty good gauge of when you're being good, or when you're being bad towards your parents, when you're being respectful or disrespectful towards your parents. There is one very important way and I kind of alluded to this a little bit earlier. I alluded to this a little bit earlier, where I talked about be good to your parents and your kids will be good to you. Your parents ever tell you when you have kids, and you'll understand your principal tell you that I know they did every parent, there's a child that I tell my two year old that she goes, huh? Right. So I know your parents tell you that because all parents tell their kids that. And you know what, it's
absolutely true. You'll know when you have your own kids. And so sometimes imagine what if somebody that you raised somebody that you took care of somebody that you did everything for, that you literally invested your life into? What if they were about to say to you what you're thinking about to say to your parents?
And if it automatically just makes you back off just a little bit, you got your answer right there. You should not say that to your parents, you should not do that with your parents, you should not behave that way with your parents.
One very other small specific issue, I'm gonna go through a couple of just small issues. One other very specific issue, that's usually a hot button issue amongst a younger crowd, is marriage.
Getting married, it's a big it's a big point of contention with between young people and their parents. When the number one questions I get, I made the huge mistake. I'm just joking, but I made the huge mistake of actually embarking setting out on teaching a seminar about family relations. It's called happiness in the home. biggest mistake I ever made. jokingly. All right. Why, why I tell you that because now everybody took it as a license to bring, find the most complex, complicated, difficult situation they can find, and come and ask me those situations. And I'm just like, I have to go to the bathroom.
All right. And that's basically been my response. But one of the biggest questions one of the most frequently asked questions is about this whole struggle with the parents in terms of getting married.
understand one thing
you have to take into account what's at stake?
Yes, I understand your future and your happiness is at stake. But so is your relationship with your parents in your relationship with the law.
In a fleeting moment of puppy love,
butterflies in the belly, which is actually a medical condition get checked. All right,
actually got butterflies in your belly, right but it's in a fleeting moment of sometimes like just getting overexcited about the situation.
Be careful that you're not completely sabotaging everything that's important to you in your life.
It's very important to take that into consideration. Realize that you are a young person, you have a very limited scope and frame of reference very limited experiences.
And that you are emotionally very, I mean young people are very passionate and very emotion, very emotional. And their emotions can oftentimes get the best of them and they don't think situations through all the time. take that into consideration. Your parents are actually a source of you know, wisdom and there is sobering voice in your life. utilize that message. However,
For a lot of people in this room, I speak from my personal perspective, not everybody, I don't take that for granted. Again, there are different perspectives, but then I wouldn't be the right person to talk about that image. So if we talk about, you know, in certain other situations, what that what how that exactly works. But for some, some of the people, maybe a lot of the people in this room, you are the children of immigrants. There's always a generational gap.
But then there's a cultural gap on top of that, and a cultural gap is basically the equivalent of the Grand Canyon.
There will be times when your parents just don't get it.
anywhere in this talk that I say parents are infallible, they're perfect. Don't ever make a mistake. No,
absolutely not. They will make mistakes and they will be wrong.
We're just being told that err on the side of caution.
err on the side of caution.
Okay, they were wrong. You were right.
But, you know, at least you didn't gamble in terms of your relationship with your parents, your relationship with the line, your well being in the Hereafter, err on the side of caution. But occasionally, there will be some situations and a lot of young people are dealing with this in our communities, where the parents are being irrational, they're being difficult.
And that's a tough situation. I can't give some general advice here from the stage in regards to that. But I will say that if you honestly truly feel and you've consulted with other people, and you spoken to any mom or a sheriff or a community leader or other senior family members, and you feel your parents are being irrational in that situation,
then at that point in time, you have a very specific situation at hand.
You have a very specific situation at hand. And in that situation, go and seek counsel, get advice and get some help, but don't still take it upon yourself to be able to deal with the situation on your own.
The last And the final thing that I'll mention here, just to kind of put everything into perspective, this is a very specific situation that is in regards to some very, very specific people in very specific scenarios.
But what I will say generally is, I was talking earlier about why a las panatela uses the word wily Dame in some places why he uses the word ABA, when
there is a right in respect for the Father, the father is to be dignified. The pleasure of the Lord isn't the pleasure of the Father.
But at the same time, Allah subhanaw taala highlights the mother at some places. Why? Because of who the mother is, how much the mother does, what she sacrifices, how loving and caring she is how invested she is into the well being of her children. Because of that Allah subhanaw taala highlights and gives a little bit of an extra consideration towards the mother. When the prophets and the love it seems classical scholars have talked about whose rights are more the father and the mother, they talk about this. And the prophets also, when he was asked the question, who's the most deserving of my good treatment, and he said, your mother, your mother, your mother, and then your father. Part of
the reason for that is, who the mother is and what she does, and the amount of sacrifice he makes.
And that's something that if you don't again, realize right now, when you get married and you have your own kids and you'll realize you'll realize you'll be mothers, you realize because you'll see how much your wife does for your kids and you realize what it means to be a mother. And so that extra consideration is given in the Quran. And in the Sunnah of the Prophet sallahu some tourism other and I'll end with this. Your parents might be the most difficult parents in the world. Your parents might be the most the you know the most terrible parents of all time.
But at the same time, be grateful to a lot that you have parents
be grateful to a lot that you have parents.
along the lines of a lot of what we spoke about yesterday and Imam Omar talked about some of this as well from his personal experience.
The Prophet of Allah sallallahu alayhi Salaam lost his mother when he was six years old.
50 years later, 50 plus years later,
when he was traveling the profitsystem his mother died on the journey from Medina to Makkah.
at a place called Aleppo.
When the Prophet sallahu sin was traveling from Medina back to Mecca
you traveling from Medina to Makkah and it's it's a difference of narration whether this was at the time of selected Abia or this was a time or excuse me, this was during Fetzer mccard. This was during the vegetal readout.
So while the profits of Luddism was traveling from Medina to Makkah,
he kept everybody that was traveling with him the whole caravan the whole army said stop here, and a few people that were close to the profits are some they went with him. And he went and he sat down at a grave and sat down there for a little while. After
For a while, he started to cry.
And he started to cry. He started to sob he cried. So, like severely that literally he was sobbing. So body was shaking.
The Sahaba that were there, you know, when you see somebody that you love and pain that causes you pain, didn't even understand. They didn't know what this was about, but some of the others or habits are described by seeing the process. I'm crying so badly. Amara, the Allahu anhu finally went in, he hugged the prophets, awesome from behind, he grabbed him.
He said, It's okay. It's okay. You control the profits.
Until the prophets Watson was able to contain himself.
And then they asked, they said my Utica Rasul Allah, what makes you private, this messenger of Allah. And he said, this is the grave of my mother.
And coming here, and visiting here reminds me of my mother. And I miss my mom, and that's why I cry.
50 years later, he was six years old, how much time had he spent with his mother 50 years later.
He's moved. He's a grandfather at this point. He's the messenger of a lot this point.
But he misses his mom. And he cries for his mother.
And so that's important. So before you complain about your parents before you, you know, are ungrateful about your parents realize what a blessing parents are, and go and ask someone who doesn't have their parents what they would trade to be able to spend another moment with their parents. May Allah subhanaw taala give us all the ability to be respectful towards our parents, and May Allah subhanaw taala grant saw the ability to fulfill the rights of our parents and be good towards our parents is Akuma located on Subhanallah de semana, Colombia hamitic Nationale La Ilaha. illa Anta sakurako Anna to bootleg