Achieving Balance in Faith, Work and Family
Channel: Abdul Nasir Jangda
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Salam alaykum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh
Allah subhanaw taala in the Quran commands the prophet of allah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam he says what more I like a bit Salatu was sobre la ha, learners a look at his car nurse who cook while arriba two liter cola. Allah subhanaw taala commands the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam in the Quran, he tells him, command your family, to pray, and you yourself be very regular and particular about the prayer. Now, I'm going to try to make my conversation, my discussion with you here today, as organized as possible. But very honestly speaking, the topic that I've been given about achieving balance between work, religion, family, faith, spirituality, all the different dynamics and all the
different things that we have in our lives. This is kind of a topic that is just asking for a little bit of a rant. And so I'll try not to become incoherence, but at the same time, it will be kind of free flowing and I will be sharing some very personal and some very heartfelt thoughts and comments with you in sha Allah. So if you can kind of bear with me and stay with me, first and foremost, we have to understand that Allah subhanaw taala, from the very beginning of the creation of the human being, Allah subhanaw taala did not create the human being in a vacuum. Allah subhanaw taala did not create the human being in isolation. But when Allah created Adam alayhis salaam, yah, yah ha now
were Halochem in Huzzah. Jaha. That from the very beginning, when Allah created the very first human being Halacha, tuba, Dania. God says that I fashioned him with my own hands, that Allah subhanaw taala created alongside that first human being a spouse, a partner in life, a wife, because Allah subhanaw taala, created within the human being, not just only the need for companionship, but the ability to provide that companionship. See the human being in his in his or her essence, is a very social creature. It's the human being is very social creature. It the human being craves, desires, wants, strives, seeks out relationships. And this is why the prophets Allah, he sent me a very
powerful and beautiful Hadith, the prophets, Allah the psalm says that marriage was a tradition and practice of all the prophets. Marriage was part of the tradition and the practice of all the prophets, the prophets, Allah the CENTUM says in a powerful narration, and Nikka Herman Suniti. Marriage is from my tradition, in my practice,
the desire for children and offspring, and the affection that one feels towards their children, it's a very natural human desire. It's a very natural human sentiment, emotion and feeling, right, and the love or the admiration that one feels for their parents, again, it is very natural.
And so it is fundamentally within our fitrah that we seek out and we want, and we desire relationships.
Now, I'm going to go ahead and fast forward to the topic at hand, and that is achieving of balance. And what I'd like to do is, first and foremost, deconstruct a few ideas. So, obviously, let's get to the root of the problem. The root of the problem is, is that when life starts moving full speed ahead, when you get into college, and then when you get into grad school, when you go off to med school or law school, now you're seeking out an education. Now you want a career. Now you want to move forward in your life, you want to fulfill your goals and your dreams and your ambitions. At the same time, now you have a career, and you want to advance in your career and you want to have the
best career possible. You want to make as much money as possible. You want to be as you know, accomplished as possible. And that starts directly now conflicting with your family. And the time that you have for your family, it creates a conflict with your spirituality, which I will get to in just a second, but based off of the topic that is that that at least I was informed of overall for tonight's session was to have more emphasis on the aspect of family. The speaker before me also spoke about the marriage of the prophets allow the system to hug each other the Allahu Taala that is
I will be placing the emphasis. Now whenever we have that type of emphasis where we're sacrificing family, for whether it be work, whether it be school, whether it be career, whether it be certain accomplishments or worldly ambitions, we need to understand fundamentally exactly what we are sacrificing and what we're sacrificing it for.
Because the notion and the idea, and it doesn't, you don't need me to come here and tell you this. But the notion and the idea that I'm just doing this so that we can be happy, so that we can have a better future so that we can have a nice house so that our kids can have everything that you know, we dreamed about, that you are selling yourself a lie, you're lying to yourself.
And a lot of times, you know, and this right here in my own community, I talked about this quite often. And it's saying this from the member in my community, Once Upon a Time was worse than even cursing from the member, I probably could have gotten away with cursing from the member while I have the biller, that's very bad. But I couldn't get away with saying this. And that is if you are now you've become a doctor, you did your residency, you have a wife, you have kids, you have elderly parents, you have siblings, you'd see once or twice a year. And now you want to go and get some type of fellowship and specialized training. Why so that you can be the biggest and the best and the
brightest, that what you do.
That sacrificing that. Not going further in your education to be able to preserve and maintain your family to be able to sit and talk and pray. And you know, each with your own children
is well worth the sacrifice. And that's a very, like, you know, saying that offends a lot of people, no, brother, we have to save the OMA. We have to bring Islam back to glory. And how are we going to bring you some black to glory, we are going to be the most educated people. We will be the most educated community, we will have the best doctors and the best lawyers and the best engineers. And the best this and the best dad. Let me tell you something, you can we can have the best doctors and the best lawyers and the best engineers. But if don't those same people that are at the top of their field, if their children end up leaving Islam, apostasy arising from the religion, that Who are you
passing Islam on to? Who are you saving Islam for?
When you're sacrificing your children at the altar, and their faith in their spirituality for this weird bizarre?
Like you don't notion of trying to save the religion? What are we really accomplishing?
At the same time, spirituality works the same way.
Let me again say something that might come up very controversial and might bother a lot of people. And I apologize. All right. If you have a problem with anything I say, then inshallah you can talk to the brothers I think no, okay. Don't talk to me because I don't care. All right, talk to the brothers at a club. Okay, they invited me. So what I wanted to tell you was even spirituality, religion, religion.
There's this notion and this idea that if you are serving an organization, a remarkable beautiful organization like Ignite, mashallah, or you're serving some other organization, maybe you're serving your local community, your local machine, you're a part of a cause you're part of an Islamic movement, you are out there trying to give the Dawa and spread the word and spread the message.
And you're sacrificing your family because of it. Because you're the same guy
or the same sister, for that matter.
Who wants to have the best career possible?
So you worked five days a week, six days a week, 10 hours a day, you worked 60 hours a week. But then that day or day and a half that you do have off.
You are volunteering at three different places, attending three different board meetings, and advisory board meetings and committee meetings.
So you still aren't dedicating any time to your own family
that you're out there trying to save the Ummah spread the word.
But God forbid, may Allah protect all of us say, I mean,
may Allah protect our families and our children say I mean, but God forbid, what if you're raising apostates within your home trying to give Dawa to all of humanity.
Think about these things.
When the greatest achievements of the companions
were that the son of armour was
Abdullah bin Omar
even more knowledgeable than the Father,
that the son of our boss was Abdullah bin Abbas, that the daughters of Abu Bakar was smile and I Isha.
That was some of their biggest accomplishments.
And so sacrificing your own children, your own family, the time with your family, giving instead of giving time and attention and love to your parents, to your own siblings, to your own spouse, why? Because I'm out there preaching and teaching the message of Islam giving Dawa to all of humanity is the greatest contradiction.
It makes no sense whatsoever.
Because if you say I want to, I want to save all of humanity, I want to save the Ummah, doesn't your own family count as a part of the ummah.
And that's why that's what the prophets, Allah the salam said when he met, that's what he meant when he said, they don't come here to come at it. You wanna hate me? That the best amongst you is the one who is best to his family, and I am the best to my family amongst you.
So the Dow was starts at home, the ambitions. Your goal in the dream, why isn't a part of our ambitions, you ask a young person, look at even how young people are being raised today. What do you want to accomplish in life? I want to be a doctor, I want to be wealthy. I want to accomplish this. I want to accomplish that.
But why isn't that I want to have a successful marriage a part of our goals and ambitions now No, no. Don't talk to me about that. I want to build a family in a home. No, no, don't talk to me about that.
I want to raise strong, powerful, confident believers. Now, don't talk to me about that.
Allah subhanaw taala was telling the prophets Allah the psalm, don't just pray but pray with your family. And now to put a little bit of meat on these bones that I've kind of laid out. Let's talk about the routine of the Prophet salallahu alayhi wa sallam, the daily routine of the prophets Allah the psalm, look at the cannula comfy Rasulullah he was watching Hassan, Allah subhanaw taala and the Quran says La codon. That is two degrees of emphasis. Can Allah come this is surah number 33.
It's in Surah Al aza. I forget the ayah number. I think it's it number 21. Allah subhanho wa Taala says look at the cannula comb, without a doubt most definitely cannot cannot you feed to the same rod it gives the meaning and the purpose of consistency, continuity, that there has always been and is and will always be feed Rasulillah he feed rasool Allah He fee in the Arabic language means to be immersed inside of something to be enclosed in encased inside of something completely contained within Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa salam there is reserved for you, for all of us. Oh swattin hacer una the most beautiful, the most remarkable, the most amazing, the most excellent role model
that we truly, honestly and without a doubt, without a shred of a doubt. We'll find the ultimate example for whatever we're looking for within the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam. So look there.
So let's look at the daily routine of the prophets, Allah the salam, the Prophet of Allah salah the some, you know, people sometimes say, Well, what if I do want to achieve something? What if I do want to accomplish something? Why do we take out so if I want to memorize the Quran? Why am I attending a Quran memorization class? Or why do I sit down to memorize the Quran every day from 6pm to 8pm?
Because that's the time that I should be helping my kids with homework. That's the time that I should be sitting down and eating dinner with my family. That's the time that I should be tucking my kids into bed. That's the time when I should be reading Stories of the Prophets to my children in bed. No, no, no, but I need to memorize the Quran at that time. And I need to take this online class right now at the expense of my family.
The prophets Allah Nizam had personal goals and ambitions. He wanted to worship Allah subhanaw taala every day for a two to three hour block completely uninterrupted.
Without a worry in the world, without a knock at the door.
Without anyone disturbing him for anything in any reason he wanted that time every day. Guess when he made that time from 3am to 6am.
He gave up his sleep.
He didn't make his family give up the time that they had with him. Pay attention. So his day started at 3am where he would worship Allah for three hours just him and Allah one on one alone. Then he prayed Fajr he'd go pray Fudger he'd have to actually excuse me
At 5am, a little bit later, he'd wake up his wife to pray with him.
He'd wake up his kids to pray with him. So even that nighttime prayer a little bit was a group activity together as a family, then they would pray Fudger, they go to the masjid and pray Fudger
after fajr, now he would interact with people answer some questions in the community until the sun came up, he would pray his Schrock or Sharuk. And at that time, he would go home.
And he would make sure that the home was doing okay, and the family was doing okay. And he would have breakfast or whatever you want to call it. At that time with the family. He would then return back to whatever community affairs or community things needed to be done. After the hood, he would go and sometimes visit other family members that he hadn't maybe gotten the chance to talk to or see in a while, and he would spend some time with them.
And then again, he would tend to some community affairs until a certain time. Now I want you to think about our time. Also time is around 5pm 6pm. Maybe in the winter time, it's as early as four in the summertime, it's as late as six, but it is very much well we call daylight hours day time, it is prime time. It is time when you can get a lot done. What did the prophets a lot he said them used to do all the way from our search algorithm. And according to the opinion of the majority of the football ha who say you pray answer earlier, that is a huge window of opportunity. In the summertime, sometimes the gap between the onset and mcglue can be two to three hours long. In the
wintertime, it can shrink to maybe an hour, an hour and a half. But what did he do during that time? That time was solely dedicated to his family? Everybody in the community knew after answer time was hands off. Nobody would ask him a question. Nobody bothered him. Nobody would troubled him. Why? Because they knew now's half the time.
So daylight hours, a lot of times we have the attitude and we have the approach where what happens I go to work at 6am I get done was work at 6pm Then I go to the masjid because I have to pray in the masjid. And then I attend the Halacha well, because I have to increase my knowledge. And then after a shot then I attend a board meeting because I have to, you know, volunteer and help out the community. And I finally get home at 10pm And guess what? everybody's asleep. And then I go to sleep. And then a day becomes a week becomes a month becomes a year and then when finally somebody in the family complains you don't make any time you don't have any time you're like What are you
talking about? I'm home every night.
From 10pm to 6am Not all you were sleeping on your face.
You are drooling on your pillow. That doesn't count as quality time. But this is the life of the prophets allottee some from Austin to market it was family time from Muslim Terry show was most your time and right after Aisha without a seconds delay some of the Sahaba narrated it's like they said he almost used to run home
after a shot. He's like he used to run home. And in fact he was very he did not like when he saw that some Sahaba would hang around late at night after he shot the masjid and talk and chit chat and kinda like in the Sahaba they didn't talk and chit chat about the garbage and the nonsense that we talked about. They were talking about call Allah Allah Rasool. What did God say? What did the messenger of God say? That's what they were talking about. He even didn't like this he said no, no talking after Isha Everybody go home.
Check your kids into bed. Spend quality time with your spouse's make sure your parents ate and went to bed properly.
Family the importance of that. We talk about balance. Our discourse on balance is embarrassing.
We talk about balance we give you know 10 years of our lives, our education and higher education. We give decades of our lives our jobs and our careers in our businesses 567 days a week, 10 1214 hours a day.
And then we give maybe 30 minutes to our religion to our emaan to our spirituality here we maybe Len 45 minutes to our family there and then we talk about balance.
It's ridiculous and preposterous.
The Prophet of allah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam guaranteed paradise for a father who teaches his own son the Quran.
We've outsourced our even the dean of our children completely.
Who do our children learn how to make will do from from strangers at the masjid? Who do they learn how to pray from from strangers at the Islamic school?
And they're good people, but really they should be learning from us. This was an alien idea for the first three generations of Islam. They could not fathom the idea that somebody else teaches your children how to read Quran
on how to pray Salah how to make wudu Who is Allah? Who is Muhammad? Who is Abubakar? Who is who is it shot like you taught your kids, all of that.
But we've outsourced all of that to other people.
And so we need to understand exactly what we're talking about. What are the definitions of Ibadah worship, we have restricted the definition of a bada to Salah and recitation of Quran and fasting.
The Prophet of allah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam says, putting a morsel of food into the mouth of your spouse lovingly like feeding with your own hand to your spouse, romantic activity between the spouses like that. Romantic behavior is a bother so much so that and I'm going to speak in code here for the adults because it's a family environment. But the prophet of Allah salami somebody even said, physical intimacy between the spouses is an activity bother
is an activity bother?
Playing with your children is an activity bother smiling at your parents, asking them how they're doing his an activity, but that's an act of worship.
Where did we get this notion from? Where did we create this guilt from?
And so we really have to fix and sort these things out. The Prophet of allah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam is standing on the mimbar Hudson brought the Allahu Taala and who the grandson of the prophets Allah ism runs up to him as he is giving the Friday chutzpah, which is so sacred and so important that while the Friday hookah is going on, and you're sitting in the audience, you're not even the Habib, you're sitting in the audience, you are not allowed to speak. According to the majority of the scholars, you are not even allowed to redraw return and respond to someone Salam
you're not supposed to. Because it's the hotbar That's how important it is. And while he's giving the Friday, chutzpah, his grandson runs up to him and the Prophet of Allah salah the psalm pauses, stepped down from the member. And he's a little babies, a little kid, you know, like two three year old kids. They see someone familiar, someone they love, grandpa.
And he runs up to him. And you know, when the kids do when they run up to somebody that they don't have a soft spot for them. They go straight like this.
Right? They just extend their arms this because they know that you're going to pick them up. Right? So he just stands there like this. And so the process and pauses is chutzpah steps down from the member picks him up, hugs him kisses him. And everyone is in the Jumar like in the machines. It's kind of like awkward, right? Like, what happened to chutzpah?
So then the province ism offers everyone an explanation. He says in nobody has I say good.
This son of mine does. My son does my boy, my grandson. He's a leader.
He's a leader of men.
And then, you know, sometimes kids, when everyone starts looking at them, then they get kind of squeamish and squirmish they start doing the slippery fish thing, right where they squirm out of your hands. So he started doing that. So the prophets a lot is and put him back down and he ran off and then the process and went back up on the member and continue to slip off right from where he left off.
And that does not invalidate the Dumas
the prophets Allah ism is praying Salah Fick of Salah, big stuff big deal, right?
He's praying Salah
and Omega beans, designup Radi Allahu Taala and Huma, his granddaughter omega
is sitting there in front of him. Like you sit down a baby and while you're praying and starts to cry and get fussy.
So he reaches out in the prayer and He picks her up and he prays holding her.
Then when he goes for record now what do you do right baby's gonna fall. So when he goes into school, he puts her down, and he does sort of cool because he's so close. She's just looking at him.
Right and then he stands up and then he goes into sujood.
And then when he gets back up for the second record, he picks her up again and he prays again holding her that does not invalidate your prayer.
That does not invalidate your prayer.
This is how integrated family is into our deen Allah subhanaw taala says, Woman Salah Hammond by him was watching him Missouri Yahtzee game one melodica two here to Hoonah la human Cooley bourbon salaam aleikum, be my suburban funny.
Allah says that in the life of the hereafter, some people will go to Paradise
and they will be in a very high level of paradise. And their family will be in a lower level their parents, their siblings, their wives, their brother, their sister, their son, their daughter, the husband, they will be in a lower level of paradise.
At that time that person will say yeah Allah.
I did whatever you asked me to do. I did the best that I could, I was obedient, I was compliant. I want to be with my family members inocula
Oh Allah I want to be with them. Allah subhanaw taala will say that in paradise there are no downgrades, there are only upgrades in Paradise, and Allah subhanaw taala will upgrade the entire family to be with that person in a higher stage of paradise. What's up Hola, hola. De Tessa Aluna be evil or ham because family is sacred.
So Matilda prophets a lot he sent me an authentic narration. He says that if you are violating family relations, you can even prevent your two eyes from being accepted by Allah. Because family is sacred. You've missed the point.
And I'll finally conclude by telling you a little story from the SIR havy my Muslim and authentic narration that demonstrates how you prioritize family and give them importance
in a way that is meaningful in a way that means something to them in a way that announces even to the rest of the world. That your family is your priority and there is no shame in that.
But that's supposed to be admirable.
The Prophet of allah sallallahu Sallam had a neighbor,
neighbor, meaning maybe he didn't like live right next door, but he lived in close proximity to the Prophet sallallahu sallam. He was an outsider. He was a Persian. Originally he was Persian.
He used to cook a type of Persian curry dish, some type of food that the prophets Allah the son was very, very fond of. He loves it. It was great.
And he sometimes used to kind of tease him sometimes you'd see him at the masjid or is he mountain about he's like, he got some food for me. And he's like, No, I don't have any brawl. I'll hook you up. All right. So one time this neighbor comes over to the profits a lot. He comes home, knocks his door. And he says that I made some of that spec the good stuff today.
All right, meet some of the good stuff. I don't mind giving a little shout our brother Rodney and his brisket kind of like that. Right? We have a neighbor who makes brisket. And we act the same way. So he comes over and he says, I've made some special food.
The prophets, Allah the salam and he says you are invited the prophets Allah the Psalm says, here's the problem, buddy.
This is our Isha time.
This is our Isha time.
This is Aisha side.
And so I'm sorry, I can't
unless I can bring Aisha
and he doesn't invite each other the Allahu anha over not because like he has something against her, but because he doesn't have like proper arrangements to be able to seat her and stuff properly.
Or he doesn't have enough food or whatever the cases.
So either way, he doesn't end up extending the invitation in the process. I'm so sorry. I can't come this is his time. He doesn't even go to eyeshadow, the Allahu Allah and he says, Look, he's really inviting me. You know, he made it specially for me. You know, but if you say I won't go. Now, what's he supposed to do? He's supposed to be like, No, don't go.
Or he's supposed to say okay, yeah, sure, I guess go ahead and go and he's like, Okay, right. Clueless. No, that doesn't work that way. So the bruxism doesn't even put Aisha Radi Allahu Anhu. In that position, when I have the biller, it doesn't put her in that position. He says no, it does. I just I'm either eyes your combs or I don't go.
So the man leaves he comes back a little while later and he goes, Yeah, rasool Allah, please. I made it specially for you. Just come for a few minutes have a little bit honor Me and my home. Again, the prophet system says this ISIS time, can do it buddy.
sends him away. He comes back the third time and he says I've made proper arrangements. Now. Please bring our Isha with you. Then the process home says Aisha, would you like to go to his house and have some of his special Persian food? Please say yes. Right. And I shut out the Allahu Taala on her says yes. Let's go ahead and go. Then he finally went.
That is called prioritizing. May Allah subhanaw taala make our families a source of happiness for us in this life. And may Allah subhanaw taala make our families a means of our salvation in life is the year after Dr. Bullock Hayden Samadhi Curatola