Breaking The Cycle – Addressing Family Violence

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Zaid Shakir

Channel: Zaid Shakir

Episode Notes

Episode Transcript

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hamdulillah

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in a time

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when a fraud

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or what sometimes referred to in English as domestic violence,

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we've been asked to address the subject of domestic violence

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and how we view this

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as Muslims

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domestic violence

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as three manifestations

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physical violence,

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verbal violence, psychological violence

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between the members

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of the family or members of a community

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these are forbidden.

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Why do we say that?

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Because they are manifestations of oppression

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What does the law say about progression

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and these are

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female young V and rugby is an odd

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in the hormone to vote line and let's see, watch out

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for that.

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So, a lot of time and niches and that which is related directly from him by the messenger of the loss of a loved one and he will send them as reported to us by me God will not be pleased with him

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all my servants

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have made oppression forbidden for myself and you have to vote

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and I forbidding it amongst you what you have to watch out

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for harder on that. Therefore, do not oppress one another

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press

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one

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Some say

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that they have a license, so misguiding individuals

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to abuse their spouse

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point to a lot of time to sing in the forehead.

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Want to

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move on there it is important, strike them or

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beat them.

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But if we look at

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the commentary, or the Tafseer of haha.

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He says

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this see when

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we look at what that says this see.

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And so, a better translation would be just agitate for noise that annoyed them. Because you can't beat someone with a toothbrush.

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You can't beat someone with a toothbrush.

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If someone says that I don't prefer that particular tech scene

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because of my pathologies.

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Then the best kept secret

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is the texture of the messenger will last a little longer when he was sending them.

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So he was sitting down

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and now who knows Dora back and right up.

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So as we stated that the messenger will lost the loved one he was sending them

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never hit a woman

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Mandara Bama sudo La La Blimey he was

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the messenger will call never struck a woman.

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Sarah those who claim that they are obsessed with the following the student

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but when there comes some tension in their relationship

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There comes a difficult period, or they're stressed out on their job, or they're stressed out because they don't have the job.

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And their wife says something or does something to agitate them.

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This

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goes out the window,

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that the Messenger of Allah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, never heard a woman

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or the interpretation of the best

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talk goes out the window.

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You see what

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they don't miss for the Miss Webb.

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We had an incident recently in the United States,

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where a man would all right, use the two by four board and polarize his wife

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within an inch of her death,

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this is not the way of our property.

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This is not the way of our religion.

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Some will point to the idea

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of robot robots row Do

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I need to be so lawani he was setting them apart.

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Let

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them run at a time that a man will not be white as why he broke his wife.

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This ad

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is

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too weak to even be mentioned in any legal context is weak from two directions it has a weak Narrator And it has an unknown narrator Mitch more

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from two directions is weak, not suitable to be used

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in our religion, not suitable to be approved for any action by anyone.

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The Messenger of Allah, Allah

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tells us and challenges us

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that our fair

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and our homes are built of goodwill love and mercy.

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Woman

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de la have vagina being a

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man in the pee that he can

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only attack

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that for the signs he's made for your spouse's. He's made from yourselves, spouses

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and how they

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met and fusi home as well. He's made from yourself spouses in order that you live together with them and peace and tranquility. He tests

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the tests

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in order that you live together with them and peace and tranquility

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and is made between love and mercy. Surely in our science for people who reflect in the

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room, we should reflect what is the essence of love and what is the essence of mercy.

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And what is physical psychological or verbal violence fit into that future?

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profits the billable it was seven reminded us and terms of verbal abuse that have foundation of our faith foundation for the completion and our perfection of faith is to speak well men candle up will be led when the

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federal courts

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have smoked whoever believes in the law in the last day Let him speak well or remain silent.

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So when a man and a woman a husband and wife were yelling and screaming at each other,

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calling each other abusive things insulting and abusing each other.

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Where's the pharaoh?

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Where's the good is that

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insulting a Muslim is a prolificacy is moral bankruptcy.

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Both

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of

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you will send them to kill them Muslim is a fighter was

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his moral bankruptcy.

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Domestic violence was not just women

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are the usual victims. Sometimes a man's the victim I know brother, he complained. He said his wife beat him up.

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Maybe she knew karate

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users the woman

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who is the victim and the children.

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What does the

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law

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say about that?

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Say men that men are hung around that

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particular cubby arena. He is not amongst us who is not merciful to our young.

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He is not was not merciful to our young

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men from Saudi Arabia

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and who doesn't acknowledge and recognize the status of our elders? Whenever we talk about

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some of the law

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when

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you have a lot this is we'll come to that shortly. So violent psychological violence, physical violence, verbal violence, it has no place in our religion

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has no place in our religion

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Why do we fall into it?

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There are many reasons and if we remind ourselves why we fall into it perhaps we can avoid

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one reason we forget about the essence of this religion

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a lot of people forget not just in the context of domestic violence in the context of societal violence in general.

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Muslims we get

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we forget shaytaan rushes in before we can remember

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what is the essence of our religion?

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Call us oh one or the

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other

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Candyman Academy

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and

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we will tell the man the hustler club Oh, macadam and I have only been sent to perfect boot care

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only been set to perfect good talent.

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What is good character? good character is patience.

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So if we get that in we lose patience with our wife or with our husband or without children or without parents.

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allowed to be mined a lot of time in the minds us

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from the body and fits across the room. We may some of you as a crowd to others will you not patiently endure? Will you not patiently endure?

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So we should know sometimes our wives will be a tribe. Sometimes our husbands will be a tribal. Sometimes our children will be a tribe.

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Join me join to be patient across the room. We have not been the patient

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because this is not our home.

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It's not testing well to determine who will go home

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to the gym to the ashram.

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this dunya is not our home. config dunya Karen Nicola de Aviva Sabine out in Sabine be in the world is if you're a stranger on wayfair. Many what don't attach your heart to such an extent that it leaves you

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out of passion out of anger to violate the commandments of a loss of a town and then lose the opportunity to go home.

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We're just passing through. We're just traveling through like a stranger or like a wayfarer.

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But we forget the important

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Secure character

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you forget

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an SSL Gen attack.

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Talk about local host local, the thing that interests people into paradise more than anything else, mindfulness of a lot and good character.

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mindfulness of a lot of good character, talk to a lot of people crystal Fuu

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a flop.

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The best of the believers in their faith are those most complete in their character,

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the best of the best to their family and I am the best.

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So bla bla bla and he was sent.

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So if we get the value of good character, and that this religion is about perfecting the character, and good character involves patience.

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A sovereign

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woman the

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man has never hope

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to have

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bearing abuses.

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to pair up us,

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show good character.

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good character. So we forget that

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we forget

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the example of the prophets of Allah, why they will send them as we mentioned,

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we forget

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that he never struck a woman's home alone, why they will send them we forget that in the NA NA spin Matic showed them for 10 years, and then never raised his voice to him.

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And he was he was a little boy and little boys can be annoying, annoying when he never raised his voice to him. Some a lot of what I needed was that

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we forget the pace of love and mercy.

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As we mentioned, the foundation of our homes, the foundation of the marriage

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and how

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we test our Talladega

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Warhammer, in the theater in Canada yet

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we forget. We forget the foundation of our community is

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nothing

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without our premium photography and

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the likeness of the believers and their mutual love and then mutual mercy to each other. And then mutual affection is like a simple model. We forget.

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We forget that sometimes that our spouses our children, that they're believers, that they're Muslims.

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And because we forget we forget the rights of Muslim, Muslim

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and Muslim, Muslim we forget that that why is our sister Muslim? Or that our husband is our sister Muslim?

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Or that our children our brothers sister, Muslims?

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Muslim, Muslim lady blue, one, blue one he wants you. He neither oppresses him or her. Nor does he have abandoned

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or hurt, nor does he lie to him or her nor does he look down on or despise him or her. But we forget.

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We forget

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to hit that we are creepy.

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No one who truly believes until the loudest who is a brother or sister when he talks to himself or herself.

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And we forget that that life is our system.

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And therefore we forget that we should love for her we love ourselves. No, we wouldn't love for anyone to just scream and abuse us.

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We wouldn't love for anyone to strike and beat us.

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Sometimes bloody, sometimes unconscious, who will know that for himself or herself.

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Completion of our faith is loving for the brother or sister what we love for ourselves.

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Have you had

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medical necessity? No one of you truly believes and truly loves, for his brother what he wants for himself.

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This is our religion.

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We forget

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that with all the eyes of the world are upon us as a community

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that it is no longer just the responsibility

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of a small group to be representative to callers to this religion.

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What type

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of group inviting to all that is good. And joining the right for bidding the wrong the role of these are those who are successful. But our scholars tell us when the circumstances become such

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that the religion is being attacked from all directions,

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then it falls on everyone to call it to the religion,

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epically falls on everyone to see himself or see herself as a representative of the religion.

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It falls on all of us to assume our responsibility for the minute input to camera and Roku, variety. All of you our stories, and all of you are responsible for the rewards.

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We all have a responsibility.

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And in that regard, we have to present the best face

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for laws religion, if you will, my religion. If your will your religion, then you are I can do whatever you please. But it's not our religion. And so last time is religion, do a lot.

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And a lot tells in the tone. So

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if you help a lot with religion, a lot doesn't need help. So in this area,

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and tanzu Dino law more heat.

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And to move for our off, you know, love and love for

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our people, you are in dire need of a law.

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And the law is really about needs

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was Worthy of all praise me.

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So alone doesn't need help. So when we read it, put it in

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your own circle is not in line. Viva La Yasuko.

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How can we help the religion of the law we help them without character.

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We help it by calling to with the tone of our state and our action before we open our mouths.

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Because as they say, I don't know here in Australia in the United States. They say actions speak louder than words.

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Actions speak louder than words.

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So it behooves us to see ourselves as callers,

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with our actions

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are related to your story

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about how some of our women are used

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by people who think that they're doing good with

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You're

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doing good.

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In New York City.

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There were a group of Muslims, men

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who had very little money.

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But despite that, being three or four wives.

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How are they taking care of these women? They sent them to the welfare office,

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put them on the dole.

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But to be eligible for any assistance, there's only one program.

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It's not like

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anything for families with dependent children.

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You have the woman has a child that she's taking care of taking care of to get any financial assistance.

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And so these men were sending their women, Muslim women

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Many of them would have gone to the welfare office to apply for assistance.

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The condition

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is you put the Father's name there, you only go after the father to get the father to pay for the baby.

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So these Muslim men are sending Muslim women to the welfare office to fill out the application. And then put the children's name, Father, unknown.

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Father, unknown father unknown.

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And so the people in the welfare office, they say here, these women are coming. They're all dressed up. They're covering their faces. And they don't even know who that father the baby's father is. So they started calling these Muslim women, the holy horse,

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the holy horse.

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That's the kind of nonsense and abuse that can go on. When we forget

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that we follow a prophet who's a noble Prophet, when we forget that a loss prevented abuse and all of its manifestations. However, those

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who forget

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about perfecting good character

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who we forget they were representatives have the last revelation to humanity.

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And if we don't convey it to them, it won't get conveyed.

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It will not get conveyed.

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It was vision. Well, not tiny because courage now that kind of bless us

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to address the issues confronting us. May Allah subhanho wa Taala make us a noble community. mela make us a virtuous community. mela, Thailand make us an exemplary community. mela take us a community whose only analogy is so beautiful. That is a fitting reflection of the beauty of a loss of autonomy

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in the larger

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he will say

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where is the beauty when people are fighting? screaming, yelling? abusing each other? What is the beauty in that?

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And what can we imply from the selling of our profits of the loved one

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Jimmy generic, we can apply in

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my phone maharlika there were a lot of hate ugliness,

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ugliness

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and the

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beautiful community. And we're now gonna be unifying the visuals alone bring someone else

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when take a step

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back alone bring another people that will be like you

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may have taken into plan D for some

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Bona

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Bona, if you turn back

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on your religion, this is not the day after D

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many of the men who read the D word returns back from helping this religion that are all being another people whom he will love and they will love him.

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Meaning what the people he got rid of he did not love them. Nor did they love him.

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So brothers and sisters maybe be a community who love us

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and love the religion of the loss of time and love the Messenger of Allah. So Allah gave you a second because we love them. We do everything in our power to represent them in the most beautiful way. And the most honorable way and the most noble way.

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Last fall that was

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He was, he was

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he was telling me that

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he was

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going to solve the problem

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in half an hour,

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we can just remind brothers and sisters, duties and responsibilities, reminder

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and stimulate people to do take the steps that are necessary.

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If we have a problem with our anger, and we can't cure it with the pathetic method,

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he told us one of the very strong Heidi

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out singing for us

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a set of laptops,

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what our data will be around the abode of the dog.

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And they came to the messenger yoga last fall when he was seven, he said to me, he said to him, don't become angry, and he repeated it over and over and over each time saying, Don't become don't become, don't become

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the teaches us if you're standing to become angry or overwhelming when you sit down.

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If you're sitting down, recline,

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and go make me do

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don't speak the area.

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If that doesn't work, go see a therapist. Maybe it's a psychiatric problem that requires therapeutic intervention.

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No one should no one should allow themselves to be consumed by their anger.

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As a sister, you're being abused. There is almost no police force in Australia.

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Or the police. Don't hesitate. No one should be abused.

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No one should be

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there's no interpretation

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of the words we mentioned earlier.

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That can say someone should be pulverized.

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See what made this

00:32:50--> 00:32:51

whole variety.

00:32:57--> 00:32:58

Where's the new for that?

00:33:01--> 00:33:07

Call the police. messages you have teams of brothers are prepared to intervene.

00:33:12--> 00:33:15

To maintain sanity in our communities.

00:33:16--> 00:33:21

We should have counseling services available. We have shelters.

00:33:24--> 00:33:34

We have 10s of 1000s of Muslims in some areas, and not a single place that a woman's life is being threatened can go with her to be safe.

00:33:38--> 00:33:43

intervention is sought for the family, not just demand for the family.

00:33:45--> 00:33:49

We have to establish those facilities. These are realities in our communities.

00:33:50--> 00:33:53

And we asked why are some of our children fighting.

00:33:54--> 00:33:56

there's a there's a

00:34:00--> 00:34:03

there's a lady she's walking with her child in the store.

00:34:05--> 00:34:08

And the child hits the other kid you know the child

00:34:10--> 00:34:12

and the lady grabs the child

00:34:14--> 00:34:16

always hitting other children.

00:34:18--> 00:34:23

With juvenile witness violence, and all likelihood they're going to become violent.

00:34:27--> 00:34:34

And they might express those violent tendencies. By joining a street gang

00:34:35--> 00:34:58

there might express those violent tendencies by just entering into a life of crime and violence. They might express those violent tendencies by falling prey to the appeals of some Muslim groups that are exploiting their their their unfortunate circumstances for their own agenda.

00:35:00--> 00:35:02

Violence replicates itself.

00:35:05--> 00:35:27

You see an abuser, and in all likelihood they were abused, or they were witnesses to abuse. We have to have a nurturing community that nurtures each other, that set puts the means in place to assist each other. This is our responsibility. Otherwise, the stresses of modern urban life,

00:35:29--> 00:35:31

the stresses of alienation,

00:35:33--> 00:35:34

the stresses of

00:35:35--> 00:35:54

the humiliation of Muslims in various places, often those dresses can pile up and pile up. And when a person has no nurture, and no direction, and no comfort zone, it can lead to unfortunate outcome. And then there's another outcome vigor,

00:35:55--> 00:36:08

every child that might join a game, but every child that might fall to the abuse of some violent group, there are probably 10 that will leave this together.

00:36:11--> 00:36:14

There's probably 10 that will leave on this together.

00:36:16--> 00:36:28

Because they've seen enough and they've had enough or they just in their young age, they just don't know how to cope. And so one way to cope is to run away.

00:36:30--> 00:36:35

Not necessarily to physically run away, or to run away emotionally

00:36:36--> 00:36:39

or to run away psychologically.

00:36:41--> 00:36:45

Which means running away from their faith in some instances

00:36:48--> 00:36:50

as much as humanly possible Verilog

00:36:53--> 00:36:55

supports in place that allows

00:36:56--> 00:37:00

us to love each other but the movie Nina

00:37:02--> 00:37:04

Ruby has more power to him.

00:37:07--> 00:37:09

Say we just

00:37:12--> 00:37:15

we respond to each other's pain with sleeplessness

00:37:16--> 00:37:19

before the middle we cut our finger

00:37:21--> 00:37:39

and then going to just hurts a little they do it started swelling up within day five but we don't attend to it it gets a little infection. Day 10 is swollen up three times as normal size and is starting to get discolored. If we don't address it what happens we have to cut it off

00:37:40--> 00:37:55

but we address it by the way that's how we respond with feet it never reaches that point where it becomes a life threatening situation. It doesn't reach the point where it becomes a faith threatening situation.

00:37:56--> 00:37:58

May God give us perfect

00:37:59--> 00:38:05

understanding when you read the letter P here payroll effective 50 although feelings

00:38:14--> 00:38:15

I have left them

00:38:17--> 00:38:20

in the can rob Ben Affleck is

00:38:22--> 00:38:27

also not uncommon caregiving Rob banner forgotten in the summer of a

00:38:28--> 00:38:39

one to one finance meeting platform now what you're gonna want to enter your own story probably came up online law firm never became

00:38:41--> 00:38:49

learners it became an icy castle, whether anyone whenever they became in holotape, no coverage at all the law

00:38:53--> 00:38:53

was Amina

00:38:54--> 00:39:01

Farah, a lot of women around the country around the heavy movements in mohammedia. But what

00:39:02--> 00:39:03

women are

00:39:04--> 00:39:15

steamy for Africa as he's about to tell you which are 10 year old, 10 year old 10 year 10 year old 10 year old can be wrong. alone. It can be either is that a lot

00:39:19--> 00:39:19

of

00:39:24--> 00:39:25

what the story official

00:39:27--> 00:39:28

of the tortilla was

00:39:30--> 00:39:39

for VAP, rain in Yemen is Serbia in Sudan for the habit Chef sumedh the naevia Tunis

00:39:42--> 00:39:42

he couldn't even

00:39:44--> 00:39:45

be Cooney McCann,

00:39:46--> 00:39:51

Kenya Allah, Allah, Allah Hoffman,

00:39:52--> 00:39:59

one other wanted to come over to this. We have this a year and a half and as as as bad weather

00:40:00--> 00:40:04

Yemen Iraq. I was in the hospital while I was there

00:40:08--> 00:40:08

in a

00:40:11--> 00:40:17

while What have you forgotten was demeanor and then identity identity in a lot

00:40:20--> 00:40:21

right?

00:40:22--> 00:40:22

We're

00:40:27--> 00:40:28

getting a lot

00:40:37--> 00:40:39

of have all of

00:40:40--> 00:40:42

the heavy heavy can pour and all of

00:40:46--> 00:40:50

that and maybe what drop in and turn around and follow suit.

00:40:52--> 00:40:54

So panoply characterize me

00:40:55--> 00:40:57

was eliminated who city when

00:40:59--> 00:41:01

I came to Sala your company we are