Questions On Homosexuality Abuse And Other Family Problems
Channel: Yasmin Mogahed
File Size: 24.17MB
We are back today to talk about a topic which I have received a number of questions about. It's a topic that a lot of us deal with, because we all have families. And sometimes families don't necessarily get along the way that we would hope. And sometimes we have what we might call family drama, dealing with different issues within the family, and what's the best way to deal with it. So, we will inshallah devote today's show, to taking your questions about that, please feel free to chime in on the chat box, write your questions on the chat box, and also, your comments and your reflections.
Just a reminder, that you can write in your questions any time doesn't need to be during the show, you can send an email to serenity at one legacy radio.com. And at that, at that address those questions some of them will be chosen to be shared, rather answered on on air, of course, everything will be kept anonymous, so you don't have to worry about that. If for some reason, you absolutely don't want your situation mentioned even anonymously, please do indicate that on the message but but we asked you to you know, inshallah, allow us to do that because your questions can really benefit a lot of other people who may be in a very similar situation. So we hope that inshallah that through
your question, it can benefit many, many others people who are listening live from all over the world, but also people who are listening to the podcasts later on and years to come and sha Allah tala that we hope that it will be beneficial for all of them, and for all of us, inshallah. So the first question I want to begin with,
is, how can we influence people we love to stop doing wrong, it might be drinking, cheating or not praying? This is a this is a oftentimes a question which a lot of people ask because this is a problem that we face. We we choose there, there are some aspects of our family that we choose in some aspect that we don't we, you know, to a certain degree, we choose our spouse, maybe maybe some people have more choice than others, but to a certain degree, we do. But we don't, you know, we don't choose our parents, we don't choose our siblings. We don't choose our, our other relatives. And so sometimes there isn't necessarily an agreement in the way that we do things in the way that
others do things. So the question is, how do you deal with that, especially when it comes to matters of Deen? When it comes to something where it is a matter of how Tom and halen like such as the example that the listener asked about drinking cheating or not praying? And and basically, I think that there's, we need to actually address these problems with make sure that we have the right mindset to address these problems. First of all, this brings us into the bigger category of naziha, giving naziha giving advice, and this is huge, because unless the Prophet sallallahu Sallam said a dino mossy ha, that you know, part of our Deen is sincerity. Part of our Deen is giving this you
know, good advice and honorable maruf, Nana and Moncada the concept of enjoining. Good. And forbidding evil is a cornerstone of our faith, it's part of standing up for truth. And and it's it's extremely important aspect of our Deen. So it's something we have to address. It's not something we can ignore. But at the same time, I believe, through my experience and what I've seen that most of the time many, many of the times, it is done in the wrong way. It's very, very important, not just what we're doing what we're saying, but how we are doing it and how we are saying it. That is crucial. And I think that's so often the way that nasi Hai is given is isn't isn't the wrong way.
And what I mean by that is it oftentimes comes from a place unfortunately, of sort of, in a, it comes out in a in a in a condescending way perhaps or a comes from a place maybe of a feeling of superiority over those who you are advising, it's this, this idea that I'm I got this down, and I'm going to now advise those who are who are lesser than me or who don't have it down and that in and of itself is a serious problem. Because in our Deen The, the sin, the wrong of arrogance, the sin of arrogance, of believing of of KiB
Believing that you are better than another person or putting yourself higher than another person is bigger than it is most likely bigger than that sin which you're advising the person about. And and I'm just going to repeat that point because I think it's crucial to understand that that, that the sin of of Kibera, the sin of arrogance, is actually worse than many of the sins that we would be advising people about. So this is something we have to be very, very careful about. If we are the ones who are looking down on others, then we are more in need of the naziha than those who were giving it to, we have to be extremely careful when we are giving, they'll see how that there are
many requirements and many things that that need to be in place in order for for that, and we'll see how to really be first of all beneficial to to both the one listening, as well as the one giving the naziha. First, I want to give you a scenario. And I think it sort of shows how we should view the concept of giving advice to begin with, before we go and get into the details of of any specific type of question. If you are standing close to a cliff,
you're at the top of you know, very high, high mountain and you're very, you're very close to the cliff and you see a person coming full speed towards the edge of the cliff. And suppose that that person is blindfolded, that person has no idea. Or maybe that person is blind, for one reason or another, that person cannot see that they are headed for a cliff. And they don't know what's going to happen. They don't know the consequences of what's going to happen once they continue in that path that they're taking you as the bystandard. The question I would ask you is how would you react at this point, you could react in one of two ways, or among among others. One is that you could turn
your face and say it's none of my business, right?
It's none of my business, I'm not the one who's gonna fall off the cliff, it's, it's that person's business. It's, I'm not gonna deal with it and just kind of turn turn your face and maybe walk away. And what you would say about such a person is that that's pretty cold hearted, right? That's pretty, that that's, that's, that's a pretty cold person to do something like that, that you see somebody who's who's about to throw themselves into some very, very, you know, serious harm, and yet, try to do nothing about it. So that's one one extreme.
And the other way that you can respond is that you could be very, obviously very concerned for the person, and you would go and you would do everything in your power to advise that person, that they are on the way to throw them off and throw themselves off a cliff that they are harming themselves, and they are on their way to harm themselves. Now, I want you the reason I use this scenario is because I want you to think of the mindset, the second mindset here, the one who is who sees a person going on their way to jump off a cliff and doesn't know it.
How, how will that what would be the mindset of the one advising them? The the mindset in that scenario is I just want this person to be safe. I just want to, I want to advise this person for their own good. And because I love and care for this person, the mindset in this scenario is most likely not going to be Wow, look at that person. Look how stupid that person is. Or look how how bad that person is. Or I'm, I'm not going towards a cliff, I'm better than that person, right? I'm here I am. I'm, I'm not as stupid, I'm not running towards the cliff, you're probably not going to feel arrogant in that type of situation, the focus is not going to be I'm better than that person. And
that person is lesser than me. But the focus is going to be I want to help that person because I don't want him or her to hurt themselves. This is the same mindset that we need to enter into the concept we enter into. Now see how when we're when we're trying when we see someone who is doing something displeasing to Allah subhana wa Tada, that person is headed towards a cliff, that person is hurting their own self. And nobody wants to watch someone they love or anyone for that matter, hurting themselves without doing anything about it. So the way that you address it is extremely important that you see it as someone who's hurting themselves, someone who's who's going to who's
throwing themselves into a fire or someone who's, who's going to cut themselves or any any type of harm. If it were physical harm, we would try to do something about it. But but this is a more lasting type of harm.
That one is doing to themselves when they're displeasing Allah subhanaw taala. So coming at it from that place that place of, of true of true concern, rather than a place of arrogance. Second, when we look at a person who is struggling with something in the dean, if we, before we even are able to address that person, even before we go, and we try to speak to them, or give them no see how the first thing we need to do there, basically, I'm going to give you two things that we need to do practically, before we go ahead and advise that person.
The first is we need to recall our own sins. We need to recall our own sins. Before we go and advise someone else about what sin they're committing, we need to remember our own sins. Now, what is the purpose of remembering our own sense? First, I want to clarify that the purpose of remembering our own sins is not. So that we will say, Well, okay, then who am I to advise them I'm, you know, I'm bad too. Because again, that that becomes like the person who says, well, because I also sometimes stumble, I'm not going to try to advise this person who's who I clearly see is, is about to throw themselves off a cliff, or that it's not intended to stop you from caring and trying to help them.
But rather, it's intended for another purpose. It's intended to humble you, it's intended to make you realize that nobody is perfect, that you also have your struggles that you also commit sins, and if you are not able to recall your own sins, and if you are not able to see that in yourself, then honestly, you have a bigger problem than that person who you need to advise, because that means that you are suffering from what is there and there are different categories of arrogance. But at the very least, you're suffering from old, old, old, old meaning self deception, it's, it's it's the, you're deceived about yourself, you think that you are you think you're something that you're really
not, and this is in and of itself, one of the greatest diseases of the heart. So we have to be able to, to, to bring to mind our own faults. As an exercise before we go and advise others, this will humble us and put us you know, inshallah, when we're addressing that person that we care about, it'll be from a place of humility, and not from a place of arrogance. Next, the second practical thing we need to do, before we address someone who we want to give them I'll see how to or advise. The second thing is we have to thank Allah subhana wa Taala. And, and from the deepest part in our heart, show Shakur and Hamed to Allah subhanaw taala, for not making us fall into the same sin we
are about to advise that person about the reason why we need to do this is because had it not been for the grace of Allah subhanaw taala we could be worse than that person, for sure. Similarly, understanding that that person and every single individual has their own story, right, every individual has their own circumstance, their own challenges, their own search, their their own environment, and the way in which they were raised their temperament, so many different factors, that everyone is unique. And we have no idea Had we been in their exact shoes Had we been in this raised in the exact same environment, with the same exact circumstance with the same exact
temperament, we might have been worse. And that's also something we need to understand and actually show gratitude to Allah subhanaw taala. And thank Allah subhanaw taala, for saving us from that, that sin that we are about to advise another width. So before we even enter into the concept, or even enter into the act of naziha, of giving advice to another person, two things we need to enter with humility by remembering our own faults. And second, we need to enter with sugar with gratitude at the fact that Allah subhanaw taala saved us from a similar sin. And had we been in that same situation, had we been raised in the same circumstance be the same person, we may have been a lot
worse. inshallah, I'm going to pause there. I asked you to continue to write your questions in the chat box. You know, give us your your feedback. You can send emails to serenity at one legacy radio.com. And when we return, we'll be speaking about practical things of how to address you know, certain family members or others who are close to us when we do need to advise them
Solomonic you're listening to serenity with the SME Mujahid and we are speaking live today about the topic of family drama of problems, challenges within the family. This I just want to say is a huge topic. And I by no means can claim that I'm an expert, I there are a lot of questions coming in on the chat box, which are very serious issues. And I definitely want to encourage you, those who are dealing with issues such as abuse, etc, that these are issues that that definitely need to be addressed with professionals with counselors. And it's, um, you know, it's it's not something that I can solve, you know, over the radio, we ask Allah Spano Tata to make it easy on all of you who are
suffering from these types of, of issues. But But I really want to emphasize that, you know, what, what I hope we can do today is just kind of give some reflections and some advice, but ultimately, then, you know, this, these kinds of issues really do need professional help, and we need to, to have these resources within our community.
There are, you know, on the topic of, of,
you know, continuing on this topic of giving advice to family members who may not be as religious, I just want to, you know, reiterate that, I think if we, if we go about it in the correct way, we do it with humility, and we do it with gratitude, that we are much more likely by the help of Allah subhanaw taala by the permission of Allah Spano Tata to be for it to be effective. When whatever comes out of the heart enters the heart, and those things that come from a place of arrogance, either, they're not really going to work out, and they're going to actually make the person likely to be more defensive, and it may even break ties. But But usually when in when something is really
coming from a place of concern and care and humility, that it's much likely much more likely to be effective. But you know, ultimately, ultimately, the the hidayah the the guidance only comes from Allah subhanaw taala. It doesn't come from our efforts, it's there's nothing we can do to make a person be guided, but it's only from Allah. So I tell you, and this is this is a practical thing as well make a lot of love for that person, that Allah is the one who changes the hearts, Allah is the one who turns the hearts, there's nothing that we can do to turn a heart, we just do our part. But it all comes from Allah subhanaw taala. So make a lot of love for that person.
So I haven't a number of questions. Subhana Allah, this isn't, this is a huge issue. Again, I want to emphasize how important it is that this is addressed. You know, even even at a professional level, we're just going to, you know, just touch the surface here. There, there are questions about issues that have to do with abuse. And I, I just want to, you know,
quickly sort of just address some, some advice, just some advice regarding this issue with regards to those who are being abused. If it is someone who has the ability to you know, change their situation, I advise you to please take the the steps to change your situation. Allah subhanaw taala does not tell us to have patience over abuse. That's not the concept of sobra that's not what patience is. Patience is not that I allow someone to be unjust to me, or to harm me or to abuse me and then say nothing about it or do nothing about it. And you know, Islam is not something that teaches you know, that you that someone hits you on one cheek, you turn your cheek so they can hate
you on the other one. Islam is actually Allah subhanaw taala tells us that he does not approve of injustice, and he and we too, should not approve of injustice that Allah He This is something that he does not that he doesn't that he doesn't like that he doesn't approve of, and how is it that we can approve of injustice while Allah subhanaw taala does not if we see something wrong, the prophets I send them says that if if any of us see something wrong, we should try to change it. Try to change it with our hand if we cannot to try to speak out against it.
If we cannot at least hate it in our heart, and that's the weakest of faith, what we learn from this hadith is that it isn't, it isn't more pious, or more righteous to just stay quiet about injustice, whether it is happening to yourself, or happening to your children or happening to others, that injustice is something that we should always try to change and make a difference. And, and, and not unlike the prophets, I send them said, even if there's no means that I have, whether with my tongue or my hand, and there's no action that I can take, I have no means to change it. At the very least I should not accept it in my heart, that it is something that I don't accept as being okay. And that's
very important because the prophets I send them said that is the weakest of faith. Similarly, we have to know that Allah subhanaw taala has our back. Sometimes we are very afraid to take the steps that are necessary to make a change in these types of situations. And what I really want to, you know, share with you and what I really want to remind you about is that Allah subhanaw taala says, may or dakila Elijah Allah who Maharajah why our resume in high school, I gotta say, this is such a powerful idea or it's a a two and three of suta talaq that in me is a at Allah subhanaw taala is telling us may or tequila whoever has taqwa of Allah, whoever has fear of Allah, whoever has
consciousness of a law, essentially whoever is making a law first, whoever is protecting themselves against the, the the displeasure of Allah. So Allah is their number one priority. Whoever has taqwa of Allah subhanaw taala, that Allah will make a way out for him. And so basically, when when people are in this type of situation, the main I think the main two feelings like the main two, sort of shackles that the person deals with in abusive situations is one, that they feel trapped, right? You feel like you don't see any way out, you feel that there is no way out you are trapped. The second, I think the second shackle is the fear of maybe poverty, the fear of will how, how am I going to
support myself and my family, if I do get out of this situation or it's this fear of, of where's the provision going to come from? And Subhanallah in these two I get a lot addresses both of these concerns. Allah says that if you make a loss of Hano dial, your number one priority if you have Taqwa of Allah, if your focus is on him, your reliance is on him, you turn to Him, He will do two things for you. In this ayah that he mentioned, eedge Allahu Maharaja that He will make a way out for him. And second, he will provide for him from places he never imagined. The two concerns addressed in these if Allah will make a way out for you, and Allah will provide you from places that
you never imagined. You just you need to put your reliance on Allah subhanaw taala Yes, you take, you take with the means. But Allah subhanaw taala never asked us to be silent about abuse. And in fact, we are going to be asked about this because everything that we have, our body, our children, everything that we have, is an Amana is a trust when Allah subhanaw taala give you your body, he gave you your body, so that you could kneel down and pray to Him, He gave you your body so you could use it to worship him, he did not give you your body to be a punching bag for any other person. And you cannot allow that the the the creation of Allah subhanaw taala and the trust of Allah subhanaw
taala to be abused in that way. So this is actually part of your worship. Part of your worship is not allowing the trust of Allah subhanaw taala to be mishandled by anybody. And and so it isn't, it's it's very different than than the way that we I think, have have in the past thought about it, that it's more righteous to just be passive, it's more righteous to just stay quiet. That is not what Southern is. sobor is not being passive. There is no, the definition of suburb has nothing to do with being passive. The definition of suburb has to do with perseverance, and constancy and patience. But in order for you to be able to make a change when you're in these situations, what do
you need, you need perseverance, constancy and patience. So in fact, it takes a lot of stubborn and and firmness to be able to really stand up and say that no one can treat you that way. And no one can treat your children that way. And that's not something that you're going to accept that it's no longer on the menu of options that that that there has to be a change made. And and and i agree
I reiterate that this is this is something that you have to you, you first make it a non option, that that's one of the keys here is that if a human being is given two options, you know, if you look at, for example, the way that some people treat their families, and then you compare it to how they treat their boss, you find a bit of a difference there, right? Sometimes, that the things that somebody will do to their family
is, is like completely different than how they would treat their boss. And when you look at how they treat their boss, it you know, their boss may make them very angry, their boss may annoy them, their boss May May, you know, their boss could wronged them in every way. But never would they raise their voice to their boss, and never would they raise their hand to their boss, right? There's a reason for that, there's a reason for that it's the same person who has the same anger problem. And yet, the way in which they deal with this person is completely different than the way in which they deal with this person. What this shows is that it is a choice that someone is making that I am choosing
to treat you in this way. And I'm choosing to treat you in that way. The reason why we don't do this with our boss, is because it isn't an option, that when you look at the menu, it isn't on the menu, it isn't an option that you know, you're angry. Okay, well, what can you do about it? Well, maybe you can send an email, or maybe you can complain to the supervisor. But one of the options is not scream or throw something at the boss or hit the boss that's not on the menu of options, and therefore you don't do it. Even if your knee jerk reaction, your your your your Neff Sani like automatic reaction is to do that, it's not an option. The problem is that when we make it an option
in our relationships, when we allow that to be on the menu of options. So then, you know, if someone has two options, they're always going to choose the easier one, this is the way the human being as human beings are, by definition, as Allah subhanaw taala says that the human being was created weak. So a human being by definition, always wants to kind of take the easy way out that we're lazy. So if there's one option, which is easier, which is my knee jerk reaction, I don't have to control myself, I can do whatever I want. And then there's another option, which takes a lot of self restraint and is a lot harder, naturally, I'm going to choose the easier option. And this is why with the family,
we feel because it's an option, we take that easier route, that I'm angry, so I'm going to, I'm going to exert no effort to control my anger, I'm just going to do whatever I feel like doing because I can it's an option, it's on my menu. And, and so what we have to do is give that human being, take off that option from the menu, as as it is with the boss, that that is no longer an option. And it's the then and sometimes only then that it stops happening is when it's no longer something that can ever, ever be an option. And this is sometimes the job of the other person, the person who is being abused, that you yourself have to stand up and make it an option, you have to
not accept it anymore. It is not sober to accept it, but rather you you it is sober to stand up and say that this isn't an option, I am not I was not created to be a slave to you, I was not created to be a punching bag to you. But I was created to be a slave to Allah subhanaw taala and my body was created to worship Him and not to you know not not to be something for you to take your anger out on. That is that is how you use Allah subhanaw taala and your relationship with Allah subhanaw taala as your strength in order to, to make a change when you were in those situations. And we ask Allah subhanaw taala to make it easy on on any family who is dealing with those issues, any person who is
dealing with those issues, sometimes it may be the children and they don't have the option of of changing that situation, seek refuge in Allah subhanaw taala make dua to Allah subhanaw taala Allah will make a way out for you. Just make sure that Allah subhanaw taala is where you're putting your trust and where you're putting your dependency. And if you do that, you don't worry any more about what's going to happen. You don't worry about your provision. You don't you don't worry about you know those fears of the unknown, because when you take Allah subhanaw taala as your trustee, and you know one of the attributes of Allah is Allah Joaquin, the trustee, you take Allah subhanaw taala as
your trustee, then you know he has your back, you know, you're going to be okay. And where does your provision come from anyways, a law is reserved a law is the provider. Don't think for any moment that your provision is coming from your boss or from your from your spouse.
or from your family or from your parents, your provision is ultimately coming from Allah subhanho data. So seek and seek and Joaquin and ask Allah Al Fatah, Allah subhanaw. taala is the one who opens, Allah is the one who makes ways out Allah is the one who provides seek Him. But never ever, you know, the key is never ever be passive never allow injustice to happen, whether it's it's happening to you, or to those you love around you. Lastly, I want to point out this, and this is a an observation that I've heard from Sheila who deal with issues within the community a lot and, and one of the things that one of the shields told me is that the the, you know, the the children who
ended up leaving Islam, those children who ended up leaving Islam, pretty much all of them came from families where there was abuse. This is important because we think that we are doing best for our children by staying in a bad relationship, we're doing best for our children by keeping them in that just so we can keep the family together, that that's necessarily best for the children, even when there's abuse, and we continue to allow that abuse to continue. But in fact, what is happening with a lot of these children is the opposite. They are leaving Islam, because they are connecting what they saw in their household, what they saw, the way their parents were or what was happening with
their parents as as being because of Islam, that this is condoned by Islam, this is what Islam is, then I want nothing to do with it. That's how they feel. And so these this is actually the the result on the ground of what's actually happening. So ask Allah subhanaw taala know to make it easy for you and to keep your feet firm. If Allah holds you up, then you never fall. If Allah subhanaw taala is with you and Allah is the one holding you up. You can withstand anything if Allah subhanaw taala is with you. If Allah is your helper, if Allah if you have divine help, you can you can you can take anything. So the one who has Allah subhanaw taala
he, you know, he can withstand anything. So inshallah what I'm going to do now is take another break. When we come back, we're continue hearing from you in the chat box.
Assalamu alaikum This is yes, mean Mujahid and you're listening to serenity, streaming live on one legacy radio.
We are talking about some very serious issues today we're talking about problems that have to do with the family. We've spoken a little bit about how to advise our close family members, or those around us when we see them harming themselves or doing something that is displeasing to Allah subhanaw taala we have spoken a little bit about the the concept of abuse and and, and and the misunderstanding of how we should respond islamically what is the the correct Islamic stance of of this, the correct Islamic response, and about the misunderstanding of the meaning of summer that summer is not passively allowing yourself to be abused, but rather the opposite, that you stand up
against injustice. And this is a principle that we have islamically whether that injustice is happening to you, or to your family or those around you. I'm going to go to the next question. And we received a question. The question reads, sister I really need help as I am a homosexual but my family doesn't know about it yet. We are all follow Islam well insha Allah now what to do, how I tell my parents about it, please show me the way
May Allah subhanaw taala guide us all, and make all of our challenges easy for us and all of our tests easy for us. When talking about the topic of homosexuality or any type of you know, sexual orientation or inclinations, it's very important to understand and to separate the difference between a feeling that we have a an inclination that we have and what we actually act upon.
The reason why this is important is that within the human being there are a lot of inclinations which are displeasing to Allah subhana wa Tada This is called Hela, right we have our, our, our our neffs with these things call us two things which may not be pleasing to Allah subhanaw taala
I am called or I am inclined to something which is displeasing to Allah subhanaw taala by no means justifies my obedience to that inclination or to that calling. In fact, Allah subhanaw taala speaks about those who take their desires as their ILA. And Allah says, that, that when we see in this ayah, we can understand that nobody prays to their desires, nobody makes do add to their desires. So what does it mean to take your desires as your Lord? What does it mean to worship your desires, what it means is that whatever my desires, call me to I obey them, my desires become my master. And this is something that we all have to struggle against whatever type of inclination, whatever type of
desires we have, we must control them for Allah subhanaw taala sake, whatever Allah has commanded us to do, we obey. And whatever Allah subhanaw taala has prohibited, we, we, we also obey, we stay away from it, if we are just led by whatever inclination we have, then we become lower than the animals The reason is, that the animals also have inclinations. The animals want to eat, sleep and you know, cotton and, and reproduce. And when an animal feels something, it just obeys, right? It obeys it's it's it's it obeys its thirst, as sprite tells you all to do. Obey your thirst. s what an animal does an animal is thirsty. He drinks, there's there's no concept of Wait, is this helpful for me to
drink? Is it alcoholic? Is it non alcoholic? You know, animals don't go through that process, the animal feels something else, that I put an urge in the animal and it's you know, it obeys it immediately. Animal wants to meet, the animal doesn't ask, Well wait, are we married? Right? Wait, do we have an account yet? No, the animal just mates. And if a human being becomes like that, if a human being, every time a human being feels something feels an inclination or feels a desire, goes ahead and obeys it, then the human being becomes not just like an animal, or electrical anime Bell home, although, that, that, that that human being is not just like the cattle or just like the
animal becomes lower than the animals. And the reason why is because we have something called free freewill, we have something or free choice, we have the ability to control ourselves. And so we actually become lower than the animals if we obey without any type of concept of right and wrong. So my answer to this, this individual and to this question is, whether that inclination is in you or is not in you, does not change what is hot, um, and what is headed, we all have inclinations, we all have desires of different types, you know, someone might have the desire or the inclination to be more aggressive and to be more violent, and maybe he wants to just or he or she wants to go and
just, you know, abuse people or go and hit people, you know, you just have this, this internal drive to just go punch someone, it doesn't make it okay to go punch them, just because you felt like it. You know, some of us someone might have the inclination or the the desire to steal something, because they really, really want it, that doesn't make it okay, to go ahead and steal something. Similarly, when you talk about, specifically within the realm of of desire, sexual desire, you'll find that, you know, one very good example is if a person is married, now that person is married, and does that now mean that that person is not going to feel any type of attraction towards anyone
else? No, it doesn't, right? Just because you become you know, become married doesn't mean that you no longer are a human being and have those same type of types of desires. However, the fact that a married person feels an inclination or a desire to someone they are not married to, does not justify them going and having a relationship with that person. It's It's It's the same thing that you have, just because you have a desire towards something or someone doesn't make it Hillel to to obey that desire and to engage in that act. So what I would say is that the focus needs to not be on whether or not that inclination is really there because that's immaterial. We The point is that having an
inclination or having a desire for something which is displeasing to Allah subhanaw taala doesn't give anyone a license to engage in that which is displeasing to Allah. So what we have to then say is, this is part of one's test, just like the one who is you who is tempted by someone who is not their spouse. This person is also being tempted by something, someone that that cannot be their spouse.
So in the same way that this person is being tested, and this person is being tested as well, it's it's a, it's a different type of test, perhaps a different type of temptation. But it is something that you must struggle against. It is something that you have to, for the sake of Allah subhanaw taala, you obey what Allah commands, not what your desires command, not what your inclinations command, that is the concept of a hobo D. That's the concept of being a slave to Allah, I am not a slave to my desires, my desires do not they're not the ones who commanded me but Allah subhanaw taala does. So, I would say that this is a test for you And may Allah subhanaw taala make your test
easy, may Allah subhanaw taala make all of our tests easy, this is a test for you. And you, you you have to seek refuge from Allah subhanaw taala to help you overcome and be able to resist and resist and restrain the neffs restrain the desires and and and only act in a way that is pleasing to Allah subhanaw taala
one other aspect of this, which which those who have dealt a lot with these types of issues has has noted is often when when a person is looking a lot at that which they are not supposed to be looking at, for example, those people who may be looking at pornography, those people who may be even addicted to pornography, that those people may end up actually developing these inclinations for you know, things that they should not be inclined towards or that they cannot act upon. So sometimes the cause the root cause can be a you know, different things, although to Allah alum, but you it may also be that you need to be careful what it is that you're looking at. And what it is that you're
allowing to come into your eyes, what it is, you're allowing to come into your ears, that when you protect your eyes, and when you protect your ears, you're protecting your heart. So make sure that you're not seeing and watching things which are harm. Because those things imprint on your heart, those things create desires inside of you, which which are just going to make, you know, your whole your struggle worse. And even just the act of looking at those things are our head on in and of themselves. So we ask Allah subhanaw taala to purify our eyes, to purify our ears, and to purify our hearts, and to know that our desires do not lead us our desires are not what command us. So what I
would say to you is there is no reason to share this with your family. If we all shared, you know, every desire that we have for or any inclination, we had to do something hot, um, you know that that wouldn't be pretty, right that that's not something that that you know, even even we're told that those people who, that the prophets, I send them It has told us that we shouldn't be sharing, you know, unless of course it's it's for seeking help or it's it's it's an it's in the context of, of counseling or, you know, some sort of rehabilitation reasons, but we don't need to be sharing these things which we are we are working on, on struggling against or which are sinful if we if we commit
a sin, you know, in general, we don't want to publicize it if we, if we have sinful inclinations, it's not something that we that we would we would want to publicize but rather we ask Allah Subhana Allah, to We seek refuge in Allah subhanaw taala from the evil of our own selves and from our own desires, those are tests for us and we have to ask Allah subhanaw taala to allow us to overcome our tests and to be able to put the pleasure of Allah subhanaw taala above anything else, above our own pleasure above our own inclinations, above our own desires, inshallah, to Allah, may Allah make it easy for you and for all of us, inshallah.
The next question is,
what if the majority of the too much on my plate is because of hard times with family, I am trying to get closer to a law and even then feel attacked, discouraging while I am trying to keep kinship for the sake of a law? What's your advice? Yes, mean?
one other issue that kind of is, is related to the, the idea of our family, maybe not practicing, or being you know, having the same ideas about DNA as we do is that sometimes it's not just what they're doing, but they actually may be attacking or disapproving of what we're doing for the sake of Allah subhana wa Tada. And with that, you know, I think,
again, first and foremost, seek refuge in Allah, if we try to take it on ourselves, we won't be able to do it. If we're trying to carry it ourselves. We won't be able to carry it, seeking refuge in Allah getting closer to Allah subhanaw taala is what is going to give you the fuel and the ability to withstand whatever they're saying to you and whatever they're doing to you. You look at the example of all of pretty much all of the profits piece
Be upon them. The example of Prophet Muhammad Sallallahu wasallam. And how how how his people treated him and how his you know, even members of his own family treated him, Where did he get the strength to be able to withstand that he got it from Allah Subhana. Allah, when Allah tells him in one of the first revelations, as soon as and resentment, Allah subhanaw taala is giving him the formula of how to deal with what he has to deal with, como la la la kanila, that's his, that's his formula, stand up and pray the PM, except for a little bit of the night, he is being given that formula of how he's going to deal with it. In the sanuki, Allah Colin sokola, indeed, we will, we
will reveal to you a heavy word that the prophets I sent him is was going to have to deal with something heavy, he had something heavy, he had to deal with it. And it included the the ridicule of the people that abuse of the people around him, his way of dealing with it, his fuel, his training was in the pm was in praying and the last third of the night, specifically, he you know, he prayed more than we are asked to pray, but even any portion of that of that part of the night, that is how you're going to get the fuel to be able to deal with anything, any challenge that you have in your life, you know, specifically in this case, that, that that abuse, or that maybe that discouragement
from your family, that strength comes from your relationship with a law and strengthening that relationship. And, you know, the prophets I send him is also being told to to, you know, sometimes he's being told to, to turn to leave, you know, to leave them or in, in a way that's beautiful. So, you know, sometimes, you know, in dealing with these, for example, ridiculing comments are people trying to, you know, maybe maybe you're trying to wear hijab and your family's against it, or maybe, you know, you you're growing a beard, and they're, they're, you know, mocking the way you look, whatever it is, you know that you're trying to, to get closer to Allah subhanaw taala you maybe your
family doesn't, doesn't pray and doesn't see why you need to pray or think you're getting too religious and now you're becoming an extremist or whatever it is that you're dealing with that that sometimes you don't necessarily have to respond you can stay quiet and and you stick with what what is pleasing to Allah subhana wa tada there's there's one situation where you don't obey even your you know, anyone any any creation, your parents or your spouse or anything. And that's if it's in contradiction, if they're asking you to do something, in contradiction to the commandment of Allah subhanaw taala, then in that case, you don't obey it, if they're, if they're, you know, commanding
you to take off your hijab, you respectfully, you know, you respectfully disobey that that commandment. And and when I say respectfully, yes, you continue to be respectful. And this is something that's part of, you know, even the treatment of an of a non believing of a, of a family member, specifically parents, specifically mother, even a mother who is not even a Muslim still requires, you're still required to treat her with kindness and treat her with respect, that, that there are stories of the companions where, you know, Allah subhanaw, taala, didn't, didn't approve of the way in which someone, one of the companions responded to, to his mother, and she's telling
him to leave Islam, like, it's not just like, go clean your room. But he she's telling him to leave Islam. And yet he his response was, was not, you know, it was it was too harsh, and he was actually, you know, held accountable for who he was, he was corrected for that. So even in the way we respond, even when they're telling us to do something displeasing to Allah subhanaw taala, you do not obey it, however, you still deal with them with Sn Sn is, is this beautiful way of this beautiful behavior, it'd be beauty in your behavior, and in your mannerisms, that's actually the result of having a true,
truly a strong relationship with Allah subhanaw, that it will manifest itself in your behavior, and in your manners. So if you're able to withstand that, to not to not have it affects you that you can still be firm in what you're doing, but at the same time, do it in a respectful way, and at the same time, still have beauty in your manners, then that's the goal. And that's where you, you you know, that's where we want to be. That's the prophetic model that you, you, you you stand firm on what Allah subhanaw taala has commanded. But at the same time, you you don't do it in a way that is that is rude or disrespectful, but you continue to have beautiful manners. And the only way that you'll
be able to do those two things of standing firm and continuing to have beautiful manners, continuing to keep you know, ties of kinship is if you are strengthening your relationship with Allah subhanaw taala the prophets I send them his first, you know, one of his first prescription that were given to him
was coming late is was tm. That was how he was gathering that, that that ability and that and that strength to be able to withstand what what he had to withstand.
I pray that you know Subhanallah this is this is a big topic and I pray that that's something that we share today is beneficial for you. If there was anything that was beneficial it's from Allah Spano Tata alone and anything that I said wrong is from my own self. I asked Allah subhanaw taala to make it easy on all those who are suffering all those who are, you know, have dealing with family challenges, and and I and I advise you and myself to get closer to Allah subhanaw taala seek refuge in Allah subhanaw taala kuhnian Cody Heather was stopped for a lolly Welcome innovaphone Rahim. subhanak Hello bihon Dec shawanda illa Allah and nostoc Pharaoh quanah to Lake wa Salaam wa Alaykum
warahmatullahi wa barakato