Yasmin Mogahed – A Sound Mind – The Reality of Mental Health for a Muslim

Yasmin Mogahed
AI: Summary © The speakers discuss the misunderstood concept of mental health and its negative impacts on health and relationships. They emphasize the importance of distinction between mental health and illness, fasting, good companionship, and transformation of trauma andarcissism. The need for consistency in behavior and avoiding harm is emphasized, as well as the importance of following proper therapy and healing processes. Significant emphasis is given on identifying root causes and addressing root causes to prevent further negative symptoms, as well as their UK tour plans.
AI: Transcript ©
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salatu salam ala Rasulillah why the LE nine arbitrary Sabri westerly Omri wahala of the family Sani of Bocconi, thank you so much for joining in on this extremely important topic. You know, I think that all of us really, one thing that that we've we've all pretty much noticed is that the topic of mental health is the new hot topic. And I think that, you know, with all this discussion about mental health, it's sometimes difficult to understand, you know, what does it really mean for a Muslim? You know, first of all, what does mental health mean? And then what does it mean specifically within the context of a Muslims, you know,

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you know, the journey that we take as, as believers back to Allah subhanaw taala and and where, you know, in the grand scheme of things in terms of our goals, our our short term goals as Muslims, but then our long term goal, how does it fall? You know, where does it fall in that long term goal, which which we have course, is to please Allah subhanaw taala to be with Allah subhanaw taala in the hereafter to be successful in the hereafter right we we have this very clear definition of what success is in the Quran woman. So has he had any non agenda Takada felt, so very, very clear, clean cut, you know, very clear definition of what success really is? Because, you know, we all want

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success, but what does success really mean? Loss of Hanukkah tells us in the Quran, what it means when the honey not what would you like Jenna to confess that whoever is just barely saved from the hellfire and enters into Paradise has indeed succeeded that is foes that is success. And so, you know, in talking about mental health, where does that fit? Where does that, you know, how does that you know, fit in terms of the grander goal that we have as listeners, and are there certain, you know, aspects of, of the mental health discussion that is unique to us as believers. So, this is a huge topic, of course, and, and, you know, this is just meant to be Inshallah, just some, you know,

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some snapshots kind of, into this discussion, which which hamdulillah is a lot of, of this is happening, you know, you know, throughout our community a lot more, which is, which is a great thing, you know, this is one of the first sort of issues that I want to start off with, is that there is, of course, a lot of still a lot of stigma, when it comes to the discussion of mental health, right, there's still a lot of these false slogans, if you will, regarding mental health, you know, we still have a lot of that going around things, you know, false slogans like a believer will never feel sad, right? Things like that, that sadness is from shape, or, you know, what, at what

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point do these types of slogans actually become quite toxic, you know, in this discussion. So, to start off, I want to just, you know, kind of just talk very generally about the idea of mental health, a lot of times people confuse the, the topic of mental health with mental illness. So, a lot of times when, when this discussion, you know, maybe even some people saw the title of this talk, and they thought, well, that has nothing to do with me, right, because I am mentally, you know, I don't have mental illness, and therefore, the discussion of mental health is not relevant to me. But I think it's very important to distinguish between the concept of mental illness versus overall

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mental health, you know, when we talk about mental health, and this is also, you know, when you when you look in, in the psychology research now, and in the trends that we're seeing in, in psychology, they have, you know, psychology, researchers and experts have has moved away a lot from the discussion or the sort of the narrowing of this topic to just mental illness. You know, you know, when you look at the the new wave of psychology, which is positive psychology, you find that it's different than sort of, you know, in the past, the old sort of psychology has been very much focused on disease, right? So what can go wrong? What's the worst thing that can happen, you know, in terms

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of a person's mental health, what are some of the illnesses and the diseases that can then that can occur? Here are the symptoms and then here are some of the treatments and then of course, there are different disciplines and different philosophies. When it comes to what is you know, what is mental health and what is it Where does illness come from? And then what types of treatment options do we do we take? So there are definitely different you know, there's there's there's different disciplines

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and different theories, you know, you have the biological, you know, you have the cognitive that that sort of that, that use more CBT, or cognitive behavioral therapists. So you have that, you know, you have the, the, the ones that really use more psychotherapy. So there are different different theories and different approaches to to mental illness. But by and large, there's been a shift where now, a lot of the research looks more at positive psychology, which is, which is more about overall mental health, not just looking at, you know, what can go wrong, you know, what, what, what type of illness, you know, might might occur, here are the symptoms here the treatments, but

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more of an overall how can we all everyone, sort of improve our, our health, our resilience, our happiness? Our, how can we flourish? So there's this new concept called flourishing, and it's this idea of how to really improve the quality of our lives, by and large, not just talking about illness, not just talking about, you know, how do we treat illness? Or rather, how can we really improve the quality of our lives in general, and for all people, right? So so the discussion of mental health is actually relevant to all of us? It's about how can we live more fulfilling lives? How can we live more mentally, and emotionally healthy lives? How can we have healthier

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relationships? How can we have you know, how can we basically live in a way where we learn resilience? That's a big, that's a big term. Now, the concept of, you know, how to basically bounce back when when you go through difficulties when you go through challenges, how to deal with stress, these are all really relevant to all of us, regardless of ill, you know, without, you know, taking tying in illness, but rather just how can we improve our health, mentally, emotionally, psychologically, and what I want to sort of touch about touch upon as well, because this is, of course, within the relevance of Muslim mental health, right? Is, is how can we incorporate spiritual

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health? And how does that tie in with our psychological and emotional health? Now, this is, sort of brings me to sort of the main point that I want to leave you with today. And of course, this is just, you know, a very short sort of snippet about the the topic. But one point that I want to leave you with, is if there's anything that we can inshallah take home, I hope that it's this and that is that the human being is not, is not just simplistically one element, we can't just look at a human being and say that the human is only biological that the human is only made up of neurotransmitters and chemicals. And Oregon's right, the human being is not simply the biology and we know, as

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believers that the human being also has a soul, that Allah subhanaw taala created the rule. And he talks about it in the Quran, Allah subhanaw taala created the nest. And and Allah subhanaw taala discusses that there are various types of new foods in the Quran, right? That Allah says, you know, there are three types of new foods in the Quran, and natural movement in that is the type of neffs that we all strive to have. And that is the the neffs of the believers. That is, what's my in is it's at peace with Allah subhanaw taala it has that contentment with Allah subhanaw taala through the obedience to Allah subhanaw taala and less than a wema is this is the nest Allah subhanaw taala

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just mentioned in the Quran, which means the self reproaching next, now self approaching here, meaning that, you know, it holds itself accountable, but also, you know, gets off track, and it's sort of it's this sort of this back and forth struggle. And then there's enough of a model. So this is the next where, typically when you see in the in the in the literature,

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specifically, the Islamic spiritual literature, when you see NES being used sort of on its own. In the literature, it's usually referring to the Nestle, Amara basalt, which is the lower net, we all and then there are different interpretations, you know, that the scholars have when it comes to what type of messages one individual person have, were some you know, some will say that we we all, we may not just be one category, but we may alternate between these two foods depending on on what our state is, and depending on our spiritual work and our spiritual struggle, so it isn't that way.

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One person is just okay this person is has a bad nest, and so they'll always be bad, or this person has a good nest. And they'll always be good. But rather, it's a consistent, it's consistent work. It's consistent, consistent struggle, in order to purify the nest, because we all have all of these elements within us. Everyone has an element of Nestle amatsu, meaning, meaning there's no, there's no person who, you know, gets to a point where they never have any whispering inside of them, there's no, there's no human being that can get to a point where they're like, Okay, I've reached such a spiritual high, that I no longer have to struggle spiritually, right, I am nestedness,

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blindness, and I don't have any struggles, no, we always are going to have to continuously struggle against the lower self, because we all have a lower self. Everybody has a lower self, the difference between somebody who has disciplined that self, and someone who has not, is that that lower self, the Nestle Amara actually becomes weakened. And so the individual has control over the lower self, rather than the lower self having control over the individual. And that's really the struggle of the believer is to subjugate the lower self to subjugate innocent Amara, so the lower neffs, which basically just wants the sort of the, the physical pleasure, who just looks for dunya, who looks for

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immediate, you know, gains, and the necessary amount of his soul is the one that

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you know, there are different

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sort of manifestations of this lower self, but some people have a type of lower self, where they like to dominate. Other people have a type of lower self where they just, you know, it referred to a behemoth, which is basically a neffs that's just wants, like, like cattle, you know, that the type of lower self where, maybe they're not as interested in dominating others, but are more interested in eating, sleeping, and you know, reproduce like the more of the physical type of urges, right, but all of us have some sort of more nuts. Now, having said that, we have the spiritual element, right, we have the rule, we have the soul, and we have the, the, the, the lower self and the and the other

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sort of stages that we can bring our nest to. And then there's also the club, the heart, right, this is the spiritual heart we have obviously the physical heart which which which we mentioned, part of the biology, but we also have a spiritual heart. And this Allah subhanaw taala talks about in the Quran, the prophets I seldom talks about in the Hadith, you know, where the there's one very famous Hadith in which the prophets I send them says, Enough ingested the MOBA is a solo Hustler, algester Dooku, that indeed, in the body, there's a lump of flesh, and if that lump of flesh is set right, then the entire body will be set right? Right in nothing just as the Buddha is a follow hatful I'll

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just to do Kulu were either faster, that faster, they'll just do Kulu and if that lump of flesh is corrupted, then the entire body will be corrupted, Ella will heal called indeed it is the heart. So we see here from this heavy foundational Hadith, by the way, very important Hadith because this hadith explains the, the role of the heart. The that's the, that's the hub is actually what drives the individual, that if you purify the heart, then everything else follows the actions will be purified and if the hardest corrupted, then the actions will also be corrupted. So here we see that the importance of the heart and another reference in the Quran where Allah subhanaw taala tells us

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on the tongue of Ibrahim alayhis salam, well as to convenio Matthew bathroom yo mela Yun sorrow, Manuela balloon Illa. Allah has convinced him that Ibrahim alayhis salam was beautiful extended in the Quran. Well, let's talk Sydney Oh my bathroom do not disgrace me on the day when everyone will will be brought back yo Munna Yun foul Malamala by noon, the day when when nothing will benefit anyone from wealth or children. 11 as a law habit called been serene, except for the one who comes back to Allah subhanaw taala with a heart that is sound with a heart that is healthy. So you see here, the importance of the spiritual heart and the spiritual health that this cannot be ignored

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when looking at the human being holistically and that

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is the key word here is that we have to look at the human beings holistically. And this is where we differ as believers and as Muslims, is that we do not believe that the human is just a mind or just a body. But the human is also a soul, and is also a heart. And that's the heart and the soul are essential to the overall health of that human being. Now, this is where I want to sort of debunk some of the myths that we have about, you know, this discussion of mental health. One of the myths that is very common is that, as long as a person is healthy, spiritually, meaning they, you know, they read, or they prayed, they have really strong Amen, there is this myth that as long as a person

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is healthy, spiritually, they should also be healthy, psychologically, by definition. Now, the reason why this is an incomplete understanding, is that it ignores the other elements of the human being. Now remember, I mentioned that we need to look at the human beings holistically. So the human, we said, is not simply just the biology and the physicals, but the human being is also not only simply the spiritual, so we are made up of, of the spiritual self, yes, we have a lot, we have a soul, we have enough, we have a quality, but we also have the body. And we also have another element to the human being, and that is the, or the mind. And this is the cognition, this is the way

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we think, the cognitive side of the human beings, which is equally important in this entire holistic discussion, of mental health, and of essentially being healthy overall. And so now, so far, we've talked about three different elements of the human being, we've talked about the biology, the physical element of the human being, we've talked about the spiritual, you know, briefly, we've said that we are we have our soul, we have our spiritual heart, and we have our neffs, which pulls us down in the sense of the lower the lower desires. By the way, as a side note, one of the the purposes of CRM of fasting is to actually subjugate the nest is to is to weaken the lower nest, and

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you can think about why is that well, because the things that the nest crave, the lower self craves food, intimacy, you know, drink, all of those things are withheld from the nest. And so, fasting is actually one of the best ways to subjugate the next to to weaken the lower self, and in that way strengthen the the spiritual driver, which is the, the heart, okay, so and when you do that, when you weakened to the neffs, and you strengthen the spiritual driver, the hub, then it brings that individual, a nearer to being, you know, the nestable inner that's talked about and sort of fed where Allah subhanaw taala says, yeah, yes or no, so much more in that era, J in Arabic Euro the US

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and model the physically theory body was collegian Nettie Allah calls out to this next, the one the next one, look into this healthy spiritual nuts, he calls out to the next and multiple Inna, either Jerry in Arabic, your obvious and model via that come back to your Lord, you're pleased, then you've pleased the loss of tunnel data. So it's a two way that you you have been pleasing footless content and Allah has also please do. And then Allah Subhana Allah says with holy dignity, that the enter with my slaves, rather as Kilifi a baddie was Genetti enter with my slaves, and enter my agenda. Another side note here, I want to point out a really powerful message in the Quran, is that the

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importance of companionship, the importance of good companionship and inshallah this will actually bring me to the fourth element of the human beings. Look at what Allah says here. Allah subhanaw taala here does not just talk, you know, he's addressing the decimal point enough, but he does not just talk about gender. You know, he doesn't just say enter agenda, you know, be with the angels Be with Allah subhanaw taala like the greatest companionship, right? But he said, he says, yeah, yes, Willie Nelson looks like it'll die in Arabic ear all the time or the the Khaleesi is bad. So you're, you know, first he says, you know, return back to your Lord. And and by the way, he doesn't say come

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to the come to your Lord says return to your Lord. So this is also of course, every word that Allah uses is very specific. And so the word imaginary doesn't it means to return it so that's it.

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important because Allah could have said, you know, enter it could have said go to your Lord, right? His head, right? But he said integer and integer that is to return meaning that our original home is with Allah so that our original place is with God that our original home is Jenna right where our father, Adam, Allison M began. And so to the nephew of mine that's just coming home. It's a returning back home right there was a stop at in dunya it was like a rest stop on the journey. You know, you're going on the on the highway on the motorway, and you stop off to get coffee or you stop off at a rest area. It's a limited stop on your journey. But then you return back home. And so this

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dunya is that stop right? But then Allah calls the believer to return. And so so beautiful because Allah says it is right. Now Allah says come back to your Lord. But then he doesn't just leave it there and then say, okay, enter agenda. But in there, Allah says, if he says, Enter with my slave, and so there's, you see here Subhanallah that part of the beauty of Jenna. And really part of the glimpses of beauty in this life is good companionship is having good righteous companionship. And that brings me to the fourth point, which is that the human being the elements that affect our mental health overall.

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Are all of these things our biology, how healthy are we biologically right? Are their deficiencies in a certain chemical, a certain hormone a certain neurotransmitter? In terms of our spiritual health? How healthy are we spiritually? You know, this this, this idea that as long as you have a man you should never feel sad, it is incomplete. Why? Because he man is necessary but not sufficient. Meaning that it is one of the elements in the holistic health of the human being. But it isn't the only element. Meaning if a person is unhealthy, mentally, if a person is unhealthy in their thinking of cognitively unhealthy, if a person has been through trauma, any this unhealed

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trauma, if a person is not healthy physically, but that person prays day and night, and that person rescore and day and night, they will not be healthy overall, because they are not healthy in one of the other elements of the human being. And in this case, it may be their biology, or it may be their thinking that their cognition is not healthy. And I mentioned something important here. And of course we don't have time to to really do it justice. But I mentioned unhealed trauma. So So unhealed trauma is something that affects the whole of the human being and the whole of their life. And this is something a lot of people don't recognize, you know, there's this idea again, that as

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long as you pray as long as you recall, and then you should just be able to just, you know, get over it or get on with your life. You know, why? Why are you why are you depressed? Why are you having anxiety when the reality is that there was something in the past some sort of trauma that was unhealed, that was untreated. And that really, you know, actually the one of the the the themes of my tour here in the UK, I'm actually in the UK now. And one of the themes of my tour, this time around is going to be in sha Allah, a look at trauma and narcissism in specific as a case study in the Quran and obviously from a psychological lens, because this is something that that for so long,

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you know, within our own sort of discourse in our own communities, is it's just been ignored in the sense of of that what affect, you know, our childhood, you know, abuse in our childhood, or even any sort of trauma from the past what effect that has on the individual. Several decades later, even, you know, when people don't don't make that connection, that you know, and they don't understand maybe why, why can I be happy? You know, why can I have a healthy relationship? Why do I have trust issues? Why am I depressed? Why do I have so much anxiety? You know, why can't I just be happy in my marriage or why can't I be, you know, why can I trust people? And and, you know, I read Quran I pray

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I fast I'm a believer, why can't I be happy? And a lot of times, what they don't recognize is that there is unhealed trauma. There is actually abuse

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In some, at some point maybe in their childhood or, or maybe in their past, sometimes it's a previous relationship that was very abusive, and they have not healed from that trauma and therapy is necessary often in these cases, in order to heal that trauma. So that's one of the elements of the human being that needs to be healthy, before the person can holistically be healthy. We can't say that just reading quota. And, of course, the Quran is a healing, definitely. But we have to also recognize that there is the psychological element. And sometimes it's the trauma that hasn't been healed, which is keeping that individual you know, depressed or, or suffering from anxiety or not

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able to flourish in their life and in their relationship. So it's not only about the spiritual, but also the psychological has to be healthy and thriving as well. And then finally, the fourth element has to do with companionship, it has to do with our environment, you know, a person can be perfectly healthy spiritually and be perfectly healthy, physically and even be perfectly healthy, you know, like, like mentally, but if they are living in an abusive home or they are living in a toxic environment, or they are surrounded by friends, companions, that aren't good company, then they will not be able to flourish, they will not be able to be holistically healthy. So our environment also

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has to be healthy in order for us to have this overall, you know, mental health. So mental health is kind of a big term. You know, for the believer, as, as I mentioned, we have to take into account the spiritual aspect, in addition to the biological and the cognitive, and the environmental. So, in sha Allah, this is something that I'm covering more in my tour. I'm really, really happy to be in the UK again, and hamdulillah it's a little cold, but as humbled in that I'm grateful to be here and humbled in that. And, and, and honestly, you guys have the most amazing trifles in the world, and I just come here and I just go

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to the Sainsbury's or to the Tesco gets a trifle and I feel like I've gotten a glimpse agenda and that's like, not too much really exaggeration. So 100 is I'm happy, but I'm happier that inshallah I'm going to be starting my my tour this Friday. Inshallah, in London, you know, the topic as I mentioned, I'm going to be talking about this study of trauma and narcissism as a case study in the Quran, and just in just how to sort of, you know, again, through the Islamic lens, as well as from the psychological lens. Friday is actually already sold out, but there are still

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I've told I'm told there are still seats, other still spots available for the full day course that I'm we'll be doing in London Inshallah, at the end of the tour. So, all the details inshallah are s as budaj Press calm, I'll also be going to, so if I can remember, yes, so I'm going to Bradford Inshallah, I'll be in Bradford on Saturday, I believe Bradford has also sold out, however, inshallah I will be on in Leicester on Sunday. And then the following weekend, so that's this Friday, Saturday, Sunday, the following weekend, I will be in Manchester on Friday, and then I will be in Birmingham Inshallah, and then ending the full day course in London Shala. So we still have spots

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available in Manchester, and Birmingham, and for the full day course in London, and we have a few spots left in Leicester. So Inshallah, this is a, you know, it's an exciting topic. Um, it's the first time I'm teaching this topic. And I'm excited because, like I said, I think it's something that we really have overlooked. And it's something that, that, that there's, it's just, it's just something that everyone's sort of discussing, but how do we really look at the Quran and see, you know, does Allah subhanaw taala give us a direction about these things in the Quran? So Inshallah, if you are interested in sha Allah sign up for that, for those of you who are not in the UK, I want

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to also just share one other sort of this is this, this live that I'm doing right now, this is something that I do, actually on a regular basis exclusively for my students on Udemy moja tv.com. So people who, who who sign up for you and you can sign up for you Sumo jiotv.com on the TV channels from anywhere in the world and and the thing that makes it so sort of interactive, is that I I have these live q&a days, but where I teach for a portion of it and then I and then as I'm going to do today, Inshallah, I'll take some time and I'll take live questions and but this is something that I do every single like on a regular basis for but it's exclusively for for people who

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sign up. And the other thing that's really, really, like, sort of, like, revolutionary for me is that it's one place that has all my material, just just sort of centralized almost all of the tours that I've done for the last decade, the courses that I've done, you know, all of these classes that I've been sort of, throughout the years there, they've all been 100, in the vast majority of them have been recorded, and they're only available at this. Yes, image itv.com. So they're not available on Youtube. But there's less exclusive classes that I've done throughout throughout the world, different tours, and then there's the exclusive live sessions. So if you're interested, there is

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there is the link.

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Here, what I'll do, I think now is go ahead and

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open it up for questions. Inshallah, I'll take a few live questions, I'll do my best to take a few live questions now. Chola. I don't see any yet but I think they're coming through.

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Okay, Inshallah, so as we're waiting for the questions to come through, let me see.

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All right, so just just one other, you know, some other things that I want to add Inshallah, in this in this discussion. And that is that, you know, there are certain principles that you'll find.

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Okay, so, first question came through, so I'll just pause on that other point. But basically, there's certain principles that you'll find inshallah we'll we can, you know, these are, these are things that need to be talked about more in depth. But but one of the things when you talk about cognition, when you talk about the way we think, oftentimes, we, we sort of let our mind control us too much. And we don't realize that we actually control our mind. And so one of the most powerful tools that we can, that we can utilize it towards having, you know, better mental health, and being more resilient, is controlling the way we think, controlling what we focus on, you know, how do we

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think when we when we, when we interpret what's happening around us? You know, what's the filter that we use? In order to interpret it? You know, do we? Do we have the type of, do we do we think in a healthy way? Or do we think in a way that actually paralyzes us? So the way we think and changing the way we think is also something that I that I try to cover a lot in, in my courses.

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Alright, so the first question

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is it correct for people to say anyone suffering from depression is because they are not close to their face? Surely, it's a test. And this is exactly the point that that I was getting at. And that's that some of these some of these slogans are extremely toxic, and they are also false. It definitely is not true, that being depressed means you're not close to your face, or, you know, this idea that as long as you're close enough to Allah, you should never feel depression. Because as I mentioned, the human being is complicated. The human being is not just spiritual, but a human being is also a psychological human being is a collection of experiences a human being is a collection,

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sometimes of trauma, unhealed trauma, unprocessed trauma, that that doesn't allow a person to maybe break out of their depression and it has nothing to do with their event it has to do, it's like saying, give you an example. Imagine that a person gets shot, right? You know, I'm in the UK, so it doesn't, maybe they get a knife wound, okay? Y'all don't have as many guns as we do in America. So, so shot, they get shot with a gun or they get a knighthood. Now imagine that that person, you say to that person, okay, um, you know, just go and pray, you know, go and read quota, and you don't need to see a doctor. Right? You would never say that to that person. Yes, of course, you need to pray

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and you need to make do and you will not get better except by the permission of Allah subhanaw taala. And it is by Allah that the doctor can, can can even heal you, right? It's Allah who actually heals you through the doctor. However, you would never tell that individual that you don't need to go to the doctor because you can pray. Right? And so it's the same thing with trauma that traumas like a gunshot wound traumas like a knife wound, it has to be addressed, it has to be healed. You know, if somebody has been abused as a child or in their past at some point, that's not something that just goes away. And it's not. It has nothing to do with the level of Amen. It's like saying,

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you know, if you had better Amen, then your gunshot wound would just heal

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Don't pray that's illogical. No one would say that you've gunshot wound is not going to heal by the strength of your Amen. That's not the way Allah designed the world. Right? Yes, he men, it. It's incredible. And it gives us incredible strength. But we cannot say that a person doesn't need to go to the doctor B for the gunshot wounds because they have a mess. And so it's the same thing psychologically, when a person is suffering from depression, for example, or from anxiety, it's very important to dig deep, and to figure out what is the root cause, you know, it may be something that has to do with their past or has to do with abuse or trauma, it may be the way they're thinking

00:35:43 --> 00:35:46

needs to change, and it may have nothing to do with their email.

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One other thing I want to add here is that if you look at the Quran, you know, if you look, for example, sort of use it, you see that Yakou Valley, his film, he says Allah subhanaw taala after losing us, and and then Binyamin at this point, it says, In the magical bestie was me and Allah, that indeed I complain of my suffering in my sadness loss.

00:36:11 --> 00:36:56

So he had sadness. I mean, he was a prophet, and he was a prophet who had subtotal in Jamil again, there is this misunderstanding of sub, right? That if you have subs, that you will never feel sad, or you will never grieve. But that isn't true because we know that Jaco Valley is the Lamb he had the he had beautiful patients, baboon, Jimmy and he had the epitome of patients and yet he grieved over the loss of his son. He had sadness that he complained to Allah subhanaw taala about and now keep in mind, a scholars, you know, comments on this, this, this doesn't mean that you can't go to others with your sadness, you can't go to a therapist or go to a friend, rather, his particular

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situation is that the people around him were very unsupportive. Right? They were, I mean, they were the people who caused this to happen, his his his other, his other sons. So it isn't that we can go to other people, but he didn't have someone else that he that, you know, someone else who was supportive among the, the, the human beings that were around him, look at what happened that's less than them. When he went through one of the most traumatic, sort of, sort of like intense experiences of his life. When he first got the revelation that was really intense for him. Imagine he never knew what was happening. And and where did he go for comfort? He went because these are the alignment,

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right? And we know this in the Quran, where he says that the Maloney, you know, cover me, he came to his wife, and he says, cover me, wrapped me. So he went to her for comfort. So so this idea that we can't go to people is untrue, it's important that we, we put our dependence on a loss of time. It's important, you know, for our So heed that we understand that the healing ultimately comes from Allah subhanaw taala. He is a Sheffy. He's the one who stays, he is the one who heals. But Allah puts tools in the in in the dunya. And one of the tools might be a therapist, might be a friend might be a family member. We can go to people and remember, even prophets grieved and prophets felt sadness,

00:38:27 --> 00:39:06

and prophets cried. You know, when you go back to looking at the example of of Jacobo Alayhis Salam, you know, he again, he had a rune, Jamelia and beautiful patients, and sometimes we think that if you have beautiful patients, you shouldn't cry, right? You shouldn't feel sad, you shouldn't grieve, you know, you just get over it, right? It's like telling a person who just broke their leg, you know, walk it off, just just get over it already. Right? Without any treatment without a cast without crutches, you know, it doesn't work like that, you know, trauma is is real trauma is just as real as breaking your leg is just as real as a gunshot wound or a knife. So there has to be a

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process of healing and it has to be done in the right way through the right means. And that means comes from Allah subhanaw taala Yes, Allah is in control of that means, but it is the design of Allah subhanaw taala that divine design is that we must use the means. Right? Allah subhanaw taala could have made us wake up in the morning and just be completely satiated. But he made it such that we need to eat food and drink water. That is the means that he created not because he needed it. But that is his design. Right? And it's the same thing with healing. It's the same thing with with with trauma that Allah has made a system of healing and using the means as part of our worship. Okay, so

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Tying of the camel right with our trust in Allah subhanaw taala as part of our worship, so essentially

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Here, you know, understanding that and taking away this idea of the stigma, um, you know, if you had enough men, you would just get over it, you wouldn't have depression, you wouldn't you wouldn't cry. That's a very, very toxic and it's full profit yaku buddy cillum, he cried, when he was grieving, and he cried so much he lost his vision, his eyes became white, literally, like, that's the terminology, the literal translation, meaning that he lost his vision, from how much he cried, and how much he grieved. And yet he has some. So it is not a contradiction to fabric, necessarily, to be crying and grieving because somebody is an act of the heart, you know, and, and, of course, a little

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bit is also an act of the limbs, as long as we're not doing something, haram something against the Shediac you know, things that have been prohibited in our grief, the slapping of the face, the tearing of the close, whatever, you know, that the limbs must be in obedience to Allah subhanaw taala.

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But grief itself is to be human, you know, to grieve is to be human. And, and Allah is the One who created tears, the Lord's the One who created crying, if you look actually, biologically, tears themselves, remove a lot of stress, you know, they found this the composition of tears, very specific, and miraculous, tears actually contained stress hormone in them, meaning that the process of crying of releasing tears actually reduces your stress of handling this, who do you think design that I didn't design that you didn't design, that's, that's a lot. So, so the process of crying and the release of Tears is something Allah designed, it doesn't mean that you don't have Amen, it

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doesn't mean that you're weak, it doesn't mean that you don't have enough to work on for all these terrible things that we say to people which are which are very false and very, very toxic. So so so we need to understand sub is in the heart, it does not it has to it has to accept the decision of Allah to not complain against Allah subhanaw taala or his decree. But that doesn't mean we don't feel grief, and we don't feel sadness, and we don't cry. That is to be human prophet Mohamed Salah Salem went through and hoses the year of sadness when he lost Khadija, or the lawn house and his uncle of a pilot, because he loves them. And he lost someone he loved. And so he went through a year

00:42:38 --> 00:42:45

of sadness, he went through that grief. So this is this is not a contradiction of Eman and is not a contradiction of

00:42:51 --> 00:43:01

Okay, the question here can a narcissist narcissistic person change? I'm going to give a really quick answer to that, to that question, only if they want to.

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So it's essential, you know, just like, really all kinds of change in life, right, is that we have to want it, we have to we have to want that change, we have to work for that change. So if a person is

00:43:16 --> 00:43:41

doesn't think there is a problem to begin with, how can they possibly change? Right? So that's really kind of the answer to it is, you know, does this person want to change? Does this person even acknowledge that there's a need for change? And if the answer is no, if they don't even acknowledge the need for change, then no, they're not going to change because they don't even think that there's any need. There's any problems. Oftentimes one of the hallmark sort of traits, one of the hallmark

00:43:42 --> 00:44:20

characteristics of a narcissistic individual is that they think that the problem is everyone else, they are the problem. Everyone else has the problem. So as a lot of victim victimization of themselves, right that they play the victim, and there's a lot of blame put on others. So if you feel that you are the one who is being wronged and you are the person who is the victim and everyone else is wrong, then then why would you change? You don't believe there's no need to change? Because you are the innocent victim in every situation. So no, not unless they acknowledge the need for change.

00:44:23 --> 00:44:24

Okay, um

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Can we go no contact with a narcissistic family members, basically the general rule here and there are several questions about narcissism so Shola that helps

00:44:38 --> 00:44:42

the general rule you know when it comes to cutting

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anybody off especially family members who obviously have a right upon us. So let's go ahead to connect to the ties of kinship is when it's a case of self preservation, then yes, you can you can distance yourself and if it's necessary, cut off ties

00:45:00 --> 00:45:41

but it's it's a matter of self preservation. So it's really, it just depends on the situation, right? If it's a matter of an abusive situation, and this is something, you know, very important message to share. And that is that, that our religion does not condone abuse. You know, there's this unfortunately very, very toxic understanding of subs, as being a putting up with abuse or being passive about abuse. And that's absolutely false. Because our religion does not condone abuse or injustice of any sort. Allah subhanaw taala says that, he, he does not allow injustice from Himself and He does not allow it fruit from his creation. So Allah does not

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approve of any kind of injustice. So we cannot also approve of injustice, we cannot allow injustice, to continue so that injustice is abuse, abuse is injustice, is what is a termed in the in the Quran as bull bull is one of the most

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hated things by Allah subhanaw taala is to be unjust, and to abuse a person is volt, and Allah subhanaw taala punishes for those very severely. So we have to be very conscious, that that we don't become complicit in in voting that we don't support or allow it to continue from any direction, right that we stand up against injustice that if we are being abused, or we see others being abused, that we take action against it, this is what is prescribed in our DNA, and the prophets, I send them said in a sound Hadith, if you see something wrong, then try to change it with your hand. And if you cannot, then try to change it with your tongue by speaking out against it. And if you cannot, then

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at least hate it in your heart. And this is the weakest of faith or even so, part of our Amen is taking action against injustice, trying to stop something wrong that is occurring. You know, the prophets I sent him said in another Psalm had these help your brother, if he is an oppressor, or he is oppressed. So he's saying Help him if he is the one doing the loan, or he is being Muslim? He is He has been oppressed himself. So the companion said, Well, we know how we know, we know how to help if he is oppressed, how do we help if he's the oppressor, and the prophets, I send them said, By stopping him from oppressing.

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By stopping him from oppressing This is a command by the prophets, I send them that when you when someone is being an oppressor, if that person is your husband, or that person is your father, if that person is your, your child, your son, whoever your neighbor, your brother, your sister, that, that, that were commanded by the prophets, I send them to, to help them by stopping them from oppressing, that's actually how we are helping them is to stop the oppression to take action against the oppression. So, this is not a religion of turn the other cheek, swallow the poison, keep a smile on your face, you know, brush it under the rug, none of that is from that is that is alien to our

00:48:04 --> 00:48:53

our the that is not part of our religion, our religion is one of justice and one of action that we take action, when there is injustice, and this is something that we are rewarded for. So, it was very, very important to understand in the case of when there is abuse, yes, we distance or cut ourselves off depending on what is necessary for self preservation. And of course, we do what we can when we can to keep contact as much as we can with family members, of course, as long as as it is not harmful. Okay, that's the overall principle Yes. Fully through him is extremely important in our deen to keep the ties of kinship, but only so long as it is not harmful okay.

00:48:57 --> 00:48:58

Okay, um

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and to just clarify here Can we can we do no contact without narcissistic failure? Again, it depends on is there harm there is the person abusive, you know, again, it depends on whether or not there is a need for self preservation. And, and then it depends on

00:49:21 --> 00:49:31

the level and of course, what is best given that situation. But remember that self preservation is is is essential here and it becomes a primary focus.

00:49:33 --> 00:49:35

So, question

00:49:37 --> 00:49:55

our desires a form of mental health, how to deal with teenage mental health. What to do when your spouse does not understand your mental health? Can narcissism be cured? I'm just taking a look to see if we can show a cover as much as possible. How do you find that you have unhealed trauma okay, how can the trauma be left?

00:49:58 --> 00:49:59

How can the trauma of being

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left by a mother as a child be healed?

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How do we educate certain communities about therapy? Okay, I'm going to take some of these and I'll combine Inshallah, what I can. Let me go ahead and take this one, how can the trauma of being left by a mother as a child to be healed? And the how do you find out that you have unhealed trauma? How do we educate certain communities, okay, about therapy, so it's so kind of all related to healing trauma and as therapies. So so the answer to the question of how do we heal the unhealed trauma of being left by the mother as a child? And the answer is therapy and sha Allah that, that first and foremost and I want to inshallah give a holistic picture here. First and foremost, remember it is

00:50:45 --> 00:51:28

Allah who heals, it is Allah who is a Sheffy, and Allah Who saved so first and foremost we go to Allah subhanaw taala. And we ask Allah subhanaw taala to heal us, Allah to heal our hearts, Allah to mend Allah is Allah sheffey And Allah is as Jabbar, Jabbar means the one who meant the one who fixes it and mends it better than before it was broken. That's what Allah subhanaw taala is. So we go to him first. And then after going to Allah subhanaw taala, then we go to the creation, we go, and we get therapy in sha Allah, and we ask Allah to make the therapy effective to heal us. And yes, it can be healed. You know, many people have healed, you know, this type of trauma, trauma of neglect,

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trauma of abandonment, trauma of abuse, and they have healed. And so definitely, never lose hope. You know, it's, it's something that you can definitely heal from. But it's important to go through that proper process, just like a person who breaks their leg, there's a process of healing, right, you need to go and get the bone fix, you need to get cast, you need to be on crutches for a while. You can't just say, Okay, I went to the doctor, I'm going to go run a marathon tomorrow. You need to give the body you know, time to heal. Similarly, you need to give yourself time to heal, and go through that process of healing. Don't be impatient with yourself, have compassion for yourself, and

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also have hope they can be healed. But just go through that process and make sure that you're asking Allah subhanaw taala for help along the way. And this This applies, you know, generally to any kind of unhealed from someone asked, How do we know that we have unhealed trauma? Well, you know, sometimes you're going to know and this is actually a very interesting question and an interesting point, it's in fact, interestingly enough, it's sort of the, the, the foundation of in sha Allah Allah the new book that I'm working on, which is that when we have pain, the pain itself is an indication that something needs to be healed. So it's interesting because a lot of times we go

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through life just trying to avoid pain you know, I'm saying like nobody likes to feel pain, nobody likes to feel uncomfortable. It's something as human beings we do anything to avoid, will do anything to numb it right? You feel pain, you take a paracetamol you take a Tylenol you take you know, you take some pain medication to numb it. Some people have different types of numbing agents in their life some people go to actually technology

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so some people will go to, you know, some people hide in their careers, you know, some people hide in, in drugs or alcohol or physical pleasure, I mean, people people will become addicted to various things. And these addictions, a lot of them are in order to numb the pain in order to hide from the pain in order to cover up the gunshot wound to cover up the knife wounds with a bandaid and not have to feel it and then to take the the medication, the paracetamol the Tylenol, you don't have to feel the pain. So to answer your question, how do we know that there is unhealed trauma? Well, you're going to know because you're going to be in pain, you're going to feel it you're going to know

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because you're not going to be happy. You're going to have symptoms like depression, you're gonna have symptoms like anxiety, you're gonna have symptoms, like trust issues, that's not something that's supposed to be there, you're gonna have trouble. You know, trusting people, you're gonna have trouble in your relationship. You're gonna have trouble with intimacy, you're going to have trouble with your parenting you're gonna have trouble with your you know, your your, your, your job, you're gonna see the manifestations of that trauma in your life and in your in your in internally.

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You're not going to have peace, you know you're going to be so these symptoms, these various manifestations of pain, that you're going to see whether that's anxiety or depression or problems in your relationship problems, sometimes it's going to manifest as physical ailments, you're going to have maybe digestive a lot of digestive issues, ulcers, migraines, constant headaches, you know, various different physical manifestations. So the trauma manifests in various, it's always going to show its head, but in different ways. Um, so you'll definitely know, in that there's something wrong, you're not going to be a piece, you're going to see those symptoms. And so you're going to

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need to go deep and try to heal as root, what is the cause of this? You know, and that's why I really, you know, we talk about, so

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the main message of the book, is that when you have pain, you the pain itself is an alert, that there's something that needs to be healed. And so we have to look deep at which element has gone wrong? Is it the physical elements, the spiritual elements, the the cognitive, or the mental elements? Or is it our environment, which at which part, you know, which element of the human beings in order to have this healthy flourishing, which one has the issue which one has has the deficit, and you go, and you fix it there, and, and it may be more than one element, maybe you're living in an abusive home, maybe you're in an abusive relationship. So of course, you're going to be

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depressed, of course, you're going to have anxiety until you leave that abusive relationship until you leave that abusive home, you're going to continue to have anxiety or depression, perhaps. And even if you're taking medication, you're only just numbing the symptom. But you're not getting at the root cause of that. That pain, because that's what depression is, it's pain manifesting. It's anxiety is pain manifesting. The question is, what is the root cause? And addressing the root cause, and not just numbing the symptoms? So so really, to answer your question, it's really about looking deep, and seeing the pain that you're experiencing the suffering that you're experiencing, it's just

00:57:39 --> 00:58:17

an alarm going off, telling you that's like, the example I use in the book is like a smoke alarm, that the smoke alarm is just telling you, there's a fire in the house. Right. And a lot of us, we hear a smoke alarm, the first thing you want to do is we want it to shut up, right? So like, you could just go and take out the batteries. But he wasn't solved the problem. You just made it stop you made, you know, in this case, you made the pain maybe stop you numbed it, maybe you took something for it, what's the actual problem is the fire in the house. And until you address the fire in the house, you may not have to hear the alarm anymore, but your house is gonna burn down. So it's

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very, very important that we're not just taking out the batteries from our pain, right? We're not just trying to numb the pain, but we're also addressing the root cause of the pain. And this is where sometimes definitely therapy might come in, it really depends on what is the cause where in these four elements of the human being is the breakdown? Is it a biological, is it a psychological Is it a spiritual? Is it something in your environment? Is it your Is it your relationship? Is it your home that is toxic? Is it your your environment that is toxic? Is it your companionship, that is toxic? So inshallah I hope that you know I can see many of you in sha Allah in person. In these

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next two weeks during during my UK tour. I hope a lot of you I can see in sha Allah who aren't located here in the UK in Shall I can I can

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hook up with you in sha Allah at y MTV where I will be doing these sessions on a regular basis just exclusively for members and inshallah taking your questions live and inshallah really hoping to share just that Qumulo height on a clinically Heather was stuck for a while you welcome innovaphone Rahim Subhanak Willowby ham duck shadow Nila Hill and stockbrokers who like Salam alaykum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh

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