Tafsir Surah al-Duha

Yasir Qadhi

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Channel: Yasir Qadhi

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The speaker discusses the importance of the Prophet system's framework for understanding and embracing the idea of positive and positive life. They emphasize the importance of finding people who need love and finding them who need love, rather than just finding them who have it. The speaker also discusses the importance of depression and the use of cell data for phone calls and text messages.

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In that hamdulillah meadow Horner cesternino Horner still fiddle one hour with a villa Himanshu Rory unforeseen woman say Dr. Molina Mejia Hilah who Fela medulla Wamba yodeling who fathomed and others who want a pseudo yeah you hola Xena Amano taco la Tapachula halka two quarter, Walter moto illa Anta Muslim on my bed, my dear brothers and sisters in Islam. This trial this life of ours is full of trials. There is no stage of our lives except that we face in it anxieties, grief, stress, and worries.

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And if you look at the life of our Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, he faced far more powerful struggles than we did. His anxieties were far greater than anything we can imagine.

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And Allah subhanho wa Taala revealed at the very first major crises of his life of his spiritual life, Allah revealed a surah that will be the subject of our hotbar today, because it deals with how to grapple with anxiety and stress. It deals with what to do when you're facing challenges. It deals with what to do when you're so overcome. You might be verging on depression, you might be thinking thoughts that are on Islamic, and our Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam himself went through something of this nature a very miniscule amount at the beginning of his prophethood and Allah revealed the surah that set him a right in this regard. And we have done this surah and I'm sure

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multiple people have done the same surah in the hotbar that I'm about to give, but today inshallah it will come with a slightly different twist. And that is how we understand the psychology of depression, the psychology of feeling negative when it comes to the Quran and to the Sunnah. If you look at the early seerah of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam in the first year of the revelation of the Quran, there was a timeframe some scholars set up to six months, that Allah did not reveal any Quran so the Quran came in Quran came when wisdom mill came with death came and then after a while, no Quran. And the Prophet saw some began wondering what's wrong? Is there something

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wrong with me? Maybe Allah doesn't love me anymore. Maybe I've done something to displease Allah and I'm not worthy of Allah's love. These feelings that we now call anxiety, borderline depression, these feelings of doubting your self worth, they came to none other than the greatest human being, ever to walk the face of this earth. And for many weeks, many months, no revelation came, so much so that he began to think that Allah does not like him anymore, that he is not beloved to Allah that He has failed in the mission. Then, at the very end of this timeframe,

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Ebola hubs wife taunted him and said, What's this? We haven't seen any Quran for so long. Maybe your shape on has abandoned you are with Ebola with a biller, and this really hurt him sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, and he went home. very depressed, anxious. And it was at that point in time, that Allah Allah revealed the surah that we all know it to sort of Doha, what Doha Well, Lady either soldier Mao a dark Booker warmer color, Walla

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Walla Walla, so for your tea Cara Booker for top dog to the end of the sewer. Now, the surah is a very beautiful Surah one shorthold but cannot do justice, but we need to talk about it in its entirety. So what I will do, I will divide the surah into four different for different sections, the first of them to versus the custom of Allah, the oath. These are optimistic oath, these are oats that are very positive. Then the second is three verses, the third is three verses and the fourth is three verses three plus three plus three plus two gives you total of the number of verses in the Surah, which is 11.

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The first of the three verses negates this, the feeling of being worthless in the eyes of Allah, the spiritual depression, the feeling of negativity, that I'm not worth anything, there's no good in me. Allah negates that get rid of it, and replaces it with positive energy replaces it with optimism, and we'll talk about this in this fourth part, the second series of three verses. It negates the feeling of being useless in society of not being blessed in society. All my luck is against me. Allah negates that, and Allah substitutes it with the feeling of positive in this dunya and the final three verses. It directs the energies of the past

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are soon to do something everlasting. To do something positive channel your negativity, and do something worthwhile. Take that feeling. And instead of just sulking around and doing nothing, take that feeling and then go channel it and do something positive for others. This is the nutshell of the surah. And we will now go bit by bit and explain what I just said. We said the first section is the custom the oath which is a very positive Assam and that custom we all know it will have a lady either soldier, Allah gives the oath or custom and we all know custom means Allah wants to draw attention. Allah wants to emphasize what he is saying it's true and listen to what I'm about to say.

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And by giving the custom of the Dawn what does the dawn symbolize, in every culture, in every language in every society, in every civilization, what does the dawn civilize the beginning of a new era, it is a new day. It is new opportunity. It is New Hope yesterday is gone. Today is a new day we'll go ha This is how Allah begins the surah don't look at the past. Look at the future. Don't worry about what happened. Today is a new day with new opportunities. The sun is coming up again the sun is bringing new opportunities the day is bringing new opportunities walk door well lately either serger Allah gives a custom by the morning sun that is coming up the early time which is the time of

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Baraka, the time of activity, the time when everybody wakes up and the hustle and bustle and the traffic all of this is what will lately either soldier and the night when it becomes calm, which is the time of sleep which is the time of sukoon once again both of these are contrasting when you go to sleep as well. The worries of this dunya go away when you wake up and the sun is coming up no matter how bad was yesterday. Today is a new day. Well how well lately either surger Allah is giving custom by both of these, that the rest of the surah is true and authentic and correct. What is the rest of the surah ma dakara book our macula? This is a negation stop feeling that you are worthless

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stop feeling that you're worth nothing. Ma what dakara Book Your Lord has neither abandoned you nor does he hate you. Allah does not hate any believer. No believer is despised by Allah. Yes, Allah does not love sins, but Allah loves those who turned to him. Allah loves the repenter Allah loves the Mercy Nene. Allah loves them with Tartine Allah loves them, meaning our Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said, Allah loves his servants more than a mother loves her baby child. Allah is though do the one who is ever loving Mahwah dakara book our color. Your Lord has neither abandoned you, nor does he despise you. No doubt this idea is in the singular to the Prophet sallallahu alayhi

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wa sallam, and no doubt you occupies the maximum share. But it is true that every person who believes in that Prophet every person who considers himself of the OMA of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam a share of this verse will apply to him or her as well. Your Lord does not hate you or Muslim your Lord does not despise you, oh believer in Allah, your Lord has not abandon you or you who says La Ilaha illa Allah your Lord will never abandon you. Did he not create you? Did he not guide you? Did he not give you all that you have stopped feeling the sense of worthlessness? Mauer. dakara bakoma Kala, your Lord has not abandoned you and He does not despise you. He is with you and

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He loves you, ma we're dakara Buccola Kala is a statement of negation. It is not true the way that you feel ya rasool Allah ma Crapo coma cada hirato highroller communal Hola. Now this verse comes and after getting rid of the negativity, it's substituted with positivity. Get rid of the negative feeling and think positive, get rid of the pessimism and change it with optimism. Tomorrow will be a better day will allow Hiro to highroller coming out Ola the future will be better than the past the future meaning in this dunya will be better than the past. This is a part of our creed. Our Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said Allah loves optimism. It's an authentic hadith memorize it. Allah

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loves optimism. It is a part of eemaan to be optimistic. We think tomorrow will be better than yesterday will allow zero to hydro law criminal law today the McCanns are persecuting you today your followers are being killed today. This is happening tomorrow you will enter the city as a conqueror the day after tomorrow. What are Aten naszej the whole UniFi Dean in light of wotja three days from now the whole OMA will be Muslim from beginning to end you will see Muslims everywhere in every corner as we see right now. Well, here are two hydrogeochemical Allah always be optimistic. Now somebody will say but sometimes the future is not better than the past. And we say perhaps in this

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dunya perhaps for some people tomorrow will be a little bit more difficult than yesterday. But well, here are two highroller coming out Oh law for every single believer without exception even if this world is a world of

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History and pain the believer has something else to look forward to. And that is the real accurate. That is the anchor of Jana. Okay, maybe this dunya is tough. Okay, maybe you're going through some tough times, but never forget there is an Acura and in that era, Allah azza wa jal will reward you in nama yoga for sabudana general homebuilt.

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Allah will reward and reward and reward there shall be everlasting bliss

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Gibreel came to the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam and said O Messenger of Allah. Allah has sent me to tell her the job, the good news that she will enter Jannah in a palace that has no animosity, no negativity, there will be a palace there's not going to be noise and shouting, there's not going to be any tiredness, she will be there peaceful forever because Khadija was taking on the struggle of the profits of some she was feeling the negativity, their hatred of the Quran, she had really hurt her what they said about her husband the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam the noise and the rumors really affected her. So Khadija was told by Allah through Angel Djibouti, you're

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going to enter a paradise agenda across up you're going to enter a palace, there is no rumor, there is no gossip, there is no keto call, nothing is going to hurt you. There will be permanent bliss over there. Well, here are two hydro laka Minal Ola optimism in this dunya and also more importantly in the Akira, okay, life is tough. Well, Allah He sometimes it is tough, maybe maybe whatever issue we're having, we're not going to solve it in this dunya maybe that cancer will not be solved. Maybe a relative will not be cured. Maybe this and that may be okay. But in the end of the day, this world is not the end world. What a hero to highroller camera Allah look forward to the era, the eternal

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world. Don't concentrate on this dunya Walla

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Walla so for your atellica Rob Booker Fatah, you shall get you shall get maybe not exactly what you want, but you will get enough good that you will be happy and content. Whenever Allah takes something away. Our Prophet sallallahu alayhi salam said he gives something better than this authentic hadith. Whenever Allah takes something away and you are patient, Allah gives you something better than what he has taken away. Well, hello to hydrogeochemical una Wala. So for your clicker, Rob Booker Furtado, Allah will give you and give you and give you until you will be content. He didn't say he will give you what you want. No, maybe you won't get what you want. But Allah will

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give you and Allah will give you until you are happy with Allah, other and decree and once again in this dunya and just in case it's not in this dunya then for sure in the after a while. So for your ot ukara Buka photoredox. So these three verses we said they negate spiritual feelings of emptiness and negativity, spiritually, people feel I'm not worthwhile. Allah doesn't love me, I'm not good enough. These three verses negates them, you are worthwhile. Allah does love you, you have potential in you the next three verses. They negate feelings of worthlessness in this dunya people think I've always been unlucky. Whatever I do, I just don't get it. So the first three verses we said feelings

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of worthlessness from a spiritual perspective, these three verses feelings of worthlessness from a worldly from a dunya way perspective, every time I take an exam, I fail every time I try to do a business that goes bankrupt. I just have no luck in this life. What's wrong, maybe Allah doesn't like me. So we have three verses now about worthlessness of this dunya This is material worthlessness. This also happens when you're struggling with depression. When you're battling anxiety, you get feelings of of lacking confidence in this dunya so Allah Subhana Allah Allah says, Allah Mia judical, your team and for our Oh God, Cabal and for her over Judah 11,003 rhetorical

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questions. And the purpose of a rhetorical question is to emphasize what is already known not to teach something you didn't know, to bring up a memory, you should have it you should be thinking about it, but you're not thinking about it, something has clouded you. So the rhetorical question, it jars you and makes you alert. For example, the teacher is rebuking the student. The teacher says, Am I not your teacher? Meaning how can you speak to me this way? I am your teacher to emphasize that which is known but has been neglected? That's the rhetorical question. So Allah asks three rhetorical questions, meaning your rasool Allah, how could you think that Allah has abandoned you?

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How could you think that you are no one you have no worth? Look at all the blessings Allah has given you? Then Allah mentions three blessings. Allah Mia Jitka team and for our your mother died, your father died, your grandfather died your or your team in every sense of the word yet, at every stage of your life. Didn't we take care of you? Didn't we send someone else to protect you when your father passed away? Even before you were born, your mother was there for you. When your mother passes away. Your grandfather took you when your grandfather passed or your uncle Obatala took you at every stage of your life. Your vulnerability was protected by

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Hola Hola Maria GTK a team and for our or which other COBOL and for her you didn't know the truth yeah rasool Allah used to go to Hara Hara you used to be praying to Allah to guide you. You didn't know how to worship Allah. You didn't know the details of Eman, the details of the Quran. And so Allah Subhana Allah guided you. You were not upon the guidance you didn't know the guidance Allah azza wa jal guided you ordered the Cabal learn for hada or agenda Elan for Athena, and we found you you didn't have any money or rasool Allah, you didn't have anything. You were poor. Your parents did not leave you a fortune. But now we gifted you our scholars say, Elena here is Deja and the wealth

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of Khadija and this shows us the blessings of having a good spouse and a righteous spouse that the spouse brought to you Hello Sue Allah Now you have a house he did not have a house. Now you have an income now you don't have to worry about risk. You don't have to worry about sustenance. And Allah azza wa jal has given you enough that you can live a comfortable life meaning what is the purpose of these three verses? Do your brothers and sisters anytime something negative faces you anytime your business fails? Anytime you're in a car crash anytime your exam doesn't pass anytime shaytaan comes and throws a thought in your head, oh my god, I have no luck.

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Realize there are always positives in your life that you're overlooking at that stage. ShaVonne has caused you to neglect some of the biggest blessings that Allah has given you and you concentrate on the negative rather than the positive. Ya rasool Allah look at all of these positives that you have, how could you ever have thought that Allah abandoned you? Allah neglected you? Allah hated you? How is that even possible at every stage of your life? Allah blessed you with all of these things. So we learned from this when feelings of worthlessness come, when feelings of despair come, don't look at the negatives. Don't look at the failures, remind yourself of the positives. Okay? This didn't work

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out. But Allah blessed me with that, okay, maybe I don't have something but I have something else. Always look at the positives rather than the negatives. always concentrate on the blessings and examine them rather than what you don't have. Our Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said, Hadith isn't Behati when one of you see someone with something that he doesn't have, and he wants it, don't look at that. Look at another person whom you have been blessed over, and you have something that person doesn't have. See this society that we live in this modern culture. It emphasizes what we don't have. Look at this multimillion dollar mansion, look at this beautiful cars look at this. And

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we want to just aspire we want that we want that we want that. Our Chevy I says stop looking at what you don't have. And look at what you do have is a Hadith of our Prophet system. When one of you see something that you don't have, and you began to desire it stop looking there and look at somebody who doesn't have what you have been blessed with so that you appreciate the positive that you have. So you wanted to have all this multimillion dollar mansion or house or whatever. Look at the people who don't even have a house and thank Allah you have that you wanted to have this and that. Look at something that you have good health, let's say good wealth, let's say Happy Family loving wife.

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These are blessings you're taking for granted. Rather than look at what you don't have, remind yourself of what you do have. That's what these three verses do. And they contextualize and they make us appreciate. We are blessed and fortunate. Every one of us is blessed and fortunate in our own ways. It's just that we neglect and ignore our blessings and we concentrate on what we don't have. So Allah in these three verses reminds us to think about what we do have them Allah subhana wa Allah tells us familia team of other Takara what a masala for Latin has been here at Madeira Becca, for Hadith for Amma. Once you have a different frame of mind. Once your psychology has shifted,

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don't just sit there and do nothing. Go and be proactive, do something positive contribute to society. Don't just sit there and mill around and say oh my god, life is tough. Okay, it might be tough. Maybe it is difficult. Okay, be optimistic. Change your paradigm. Change your frame of mind and then go find a higher cause. And go dedicate yourself to that cause. Do something useful with your life. Do something that will bring meaning and value to you and to others around you contribute positively in a way that will make you internally happy and externally bring about the rewards of Allah subhanho wa Taala because every one of us without exception, can bring happiness to other

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people in some fashion or form. familia tema Fela for MSW. Dima, Fela Takara wa Messiah Illa Fela tan ha binaire Metra big of a hadith as for the orphan, ya rasool Allah don't overpower the orphan meaning, what does it mean here don't overpower the orphan, be involved in the life of an orphan of a saddle of a beggar in a manner that makes them happy. A man came to the Prophet sallallahu do you send them he doesn't determine the he said the rasool Allah, I want to complain to you that my heart becomes hot.

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ARD I don't have the ASHA of Allah Oh shoot of Allah, my heart becomes hard. What should I do you know what our Prophet system said. He said, Go find an orphan, and wipe his head and go find a poor person and feed him food. Beautiful Hadith, you have a hard heart, your life lacks meaning you're getting lazy spiritually, you don't have a higher purpose. Go find an orphan. He didn't even say sponsor because maybe that guy couldn't afford $50 a month. He didn't even say go give half of your savings. Show some love to somebody who needs love isn't a smile a charity isn't giving the water of your of your bucket to neighbor's bucket a charity isn't a positive word of encouragement to

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charity. So even if you don't have a check, you can write out those of you that can go ahead and sponsor the orphan. Those of you that can go ahead and feed the beggar. But if you cannot do that, our Prophet system said, in Sahara cilia team, wipe the head of the A Team free of charge. Show some love to those who need it. Because when you're battling with depression, when you're struggling with issues, it's difficult life is difficult, no doubt about it, find somebody else and share their pain with your pain, eliminate their pain, make their pain easier for them. And guess what? What a beautiful religion we have what a great lord we have. When we give happiness to others, Allah gives

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happiness to us free of charge. Subhanallah when we become useful to other people, our lives become useful to us for Amelia Teymur Fela Takara what a messiah Illa forgotten her. Go find those that are deprived and do something meaningful. Even if you cannot give something to the saddle, the saddle is the beggar. Sometimes we don't have the money. Sometimes we don't. So Allah is saying, even if you cannot give something, don't be harsh to the beggars. Hey, go away from here, no money. No, be gentle, be soft, may Allah make things easy for you. I don't have anything today. But you know, make dua for you. This is what a messiah for that. And if you cannot give something cash or physical than

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give something with your o'clock, don't be nasty to the one who comes to he also has issues like you do. And of course the point here is that when we are struggling with our own issues, and all of us are never forget there are people that are struggling with worse issues than ours are different issues maybe worse. There's not the best adjective different issues. We all have our pain. We all have our struggles. And when we go help other people Subhan Allah, Allah will help us when we go and give of our time and our money to others. Our lives become meaningful. Our depression becomes less we get a purpose, a sense of doing something. Nobility comes to us we feel useful when we give unto

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others and that's why our Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said how you don't NAS and Pharaoh homeliness, the best of all people are the ones who are the most useful to other people. The best of all people are those who are the most useful to other people. And then the final verse will be near and mighty Rebecca Farhad did this again. We're zooming over the sewer because there's so much profundity in Sharla Wanda will give a long Tafseer about it. But this idea is so profound, it has so many multiple meanings. I'll just mention only two of them. In fact, there's many more than two. I'll mention only two of them while I'm been here at Metro Bank of the first meaning. Don't speak

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negative speak positive. Don't complain to others. Oh, I didn't pass my exam. rather say Alhamdulillah I have children. Alhamdulillah I have a house. Well Amma binaire mighty Rob Ditka for Hadith tell people the positive thank Allah for the good be near material big we're entitled Do near and dear to Allah. So if you try to count Allah's blessings, you're not going to be able to count them. Don't count the negatives, count the positives. Don't go moan and groan to the people about what's bad. Thank them. Thank Allah and tell them what is good what am Binya and Matera. big forehead this is one meaning and it's a valid meaning and of course this is true as even Jakob in a

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scuba Thea was an eel Allah, I'm complaining only to Allah, I'm not company to any of you. Yaqoob said I'm not complaining to any of you. Allah is the one I complain to, Oh Allah, look at my situation. I don't want your sympathy. I want his sympathy. As for you, I'm going to say things positive. That's what jackal shows us as well. So this is the first meaning. We've been here at Metro pick of a hadith the second meaning what a mercenary mature optic of a hadith near motera. Big here is a reference to the Quran and to Islam because the biggest blessing is the Quran. And the biggest blessing is Islam. And so he is being told sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam be active in Islam

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and Islamic causes. In other words, the last three verses, it instructs all of us to do two things. Number one, become proactive and benefiting other people. And number two, become more religious and be involved in the masjid and be involved in Halaqaat and vicar and preach Islam to other people and be role

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old models of Islam. So through society and through religion, your life is going to find meaning when you give unto others and when you come closer to Allah and become a preacher to Islam, and by preacher to Islam, we don't mean you give up everything and go and study 20 years overseas, we mean your colleagues, your neighbors, your co workers should see in you the beauty of Islam, we're Amma binaire, Matera beggar for Hadith and ask for the religion of Allah tell people about it. All of us need to become ambassadors of Islam, and in that our life becomes meaningful we find purpose in our lives, this beautiful Surah My dear brothers and sisters, it is one of the most powerful suitors in

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the Quran, to battle issues of depression to make us overcome feelings of negativity. And to summarize once again before I finished my first hold, but this verse, the Surah, is 11 verses the first two is a customer from Allah, an optimistic customer is going to come a new day. Then the next three verses are about removing the feelings of spiritual worthlessness. I'm not good enough. Allah doesn't love me. The next three verses are about removing the feelings of being unlucky unfortunate, ah, life is always tough, no, there are positives you have and then the final three verses Allah says to all of us, take that negativity and challenge it into something positive, give back to your

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community and give back to this religion and through all of this you will find meaning in life and through all of this you will overcome these feelings of negativity. May Allah subhana wa Tada bless me and you with him through the Quran, and may make us of those who is versus they understand and who applies halal and haram throughout their lifespan. I ask Allah's forgiveness you guys will ask for he is the afford the ramen

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stuff?

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hamdulillah Halawa de la had a summit Alladhina mureed. What am you that? Well, let me Akula cufon ahead, we're back to

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do your Muslims. I gently broached on the subject of depression, as depression requires many lectures and many Holton bugs and I only have three minutes left. I just want to point out that we need to come to terms with the reality of depression for all too long. Our societies and communities have considered this to be something taboo, we don't talk about it. We stigmatize the one who is battling with depression, we make fun of them. Sometimes even we say, Oh, this isn't anything is just something in your mind. And the reality is that no, it is not just something of the mind. Now, of course, time does not permit me to go into detail. But the point is, we need to stop considering

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this to be a taboo topic. Unfortunately, depression is now at an all time high in this society. And we live in this society now. Why is depression at an all time highs? Another question which we do need to discuss, because we are seeing in the last decade of the last few decades, the rise of depression, we're seeing for the first time teenagers struggling with depression, this really was not common 30 years ago, 50 years ago, two generations ago. So things are changing, why is changing is another topic. But definitely we have to be honest and acknowledge that there is a crisis in this community, the ones that we live in, and even in our communities, the bubble, Muslim culture that we

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have all too often we turn away and we stigmatize those that come to ask for help realize, dear Muslims, that depression is real realize that it can harm people. And we need to be sympathetic to the ones who come to us, telling us that they're going through this and also realize that those that are struggling with depression is not a sign of weak Eman necessarily, in some situations, even our Prophet so I said I don't like using the word but he is struggling with let's call it anxiety. This surah tells us more with darker color this surah tells us that he is going through certain self doubts let's just call it self doubts and Allah is consoling him. Is anybody going to say his Imam

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oh the villa was weak or audible Of course not. Depression is not necessarily linked with Imaan it is possible that a person has good Imaan strong emotion and still struggling with depression it is possible now it is also true to say that generally speaking, generally speaking, good eemaan And good family and good friends and good society helps in battling depression, but it's a help. It's not a necessary cause. It's not an end all and be all generally speaking, a loving family is better for the one who's battling depression than no family. Generally speaking, good Iman and good. You know Taqwa is better than no Taqwa. But just because you have a good family, doesn't mean you don't

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have depression. Just because you have good Eman doesn't mean you don't have depression. In this surah we learned three things that need to be done. But sometimes more than this, sometimes sometimes you need to go to a therapist sometimes need to take medication. But these three things should always be there without exception. Number one, the one who's battling depression should really think about the surah he is you are not somebody whom Allah despises you are somebody whom Allah loves. Allah loves you. Allah cares about you. Allah created you

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Number two, yes, life might be difficult but that doesn't mean you're always unlucky. Allah has blessed you with ways and things that you are taking for granted. Yes, you might be struggling in some areas, but this dunya has also been given to you, you have things that others do not have. And then number three, maybe life is difficult find something to do with your time channeled that energy that's a bit negative, and do something positive, bring happiness to others turn to Allah azza wa jal turn to the religion. And these are three things. Sometimes you need to do more than these. But no doubt these three things always helps Dear brothers and sisters, if somebody comes to you,

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telling you that they're battling with this, struggling with this, do not trivialize do not dismiss them. Rather, embrace them, be compassionate to them and try to connect them with family and friends and scholars and therapists because everybody has a speciality. Take them to people who are specialists. The share has not necessarily the therapists and psychologists frankly usually the share has nothing to do with psychology and therapy. Go to those who are experts. Yes, go to the share for some issues, go to family for others, and sometimes you need to go to a therapist as well. We need to stop considering this topic to be taboo and realize it is a real issue that needs to be

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