How Do I Deal With An Arranged Marriage If I Have Same-Sex Attraction – Ask Shaykh YQ #151

Yasir Qadhi

Channel: Yasir Qadhi

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We had an anonymous email. I mean, the name is there, but he asked me to not mention it, you will see why when I read the question that a brother emails and says that his parents have put him into an arranged marriage situation, after a long time of saying no to a lot of people he eventually caved in. But he is now saying that he is actually not attracted to the opposite gender, he is battling with same sex attraction. And he has resigned himself to living a celibate life to not acting on his impulses, he is fine with all of this, that he is not expecting to, you know, he's not asking for any type of justification for anything. But all he is saying now is that he does not know

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what to do, because his parents have now for a long time been pressuring him. Now, finally, he has acquiesced. He wants to make his parents happy. But he feels that he cannot fulfill the rights of his wife or be a husband in the intimate sense to his wife, one

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out of seven,

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poverty in Region, no, he him first

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recovery

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go

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to

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the response to this dear brother in Islam, you cannot, you cannot allow this marriage to take place. And the situation is as you have described, you are sinful to Allah in this case, because this is not a personal issue that you're battling with, what you're battling with, once you get married will affect your wife as well. Because you see, in this case, the brother is saying, and he actually explicitly said this, that he has no attraction to the opposite gender, he is only attracted to the same gender. And we've already spoke about this topic in a number of other previous lectures, we're not you know, he's not asking about that ruling, he knows it is not allowed, he's

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not going to act upon it. But he was wanting to live a single life. That's it, he's not going to get married. But now his parents are pressuring him. And he doesn't know what to say. He's basically confused. He doesn't want to obviously mentioned the reason why. So dear brother in Islam, listen to me, I cannot tell you how to back out how or what to say to your parents and to your family. And friends, that's something you need to think about, whether you want to I understand, you know, in the cultures that we are in, you probably cannot say this to them. But just because you cannot say this, there are other excuses that can be given. That might be you know, more easier for them to

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understand or deal with over them. By the way, I'm just giving you some ideas here. There's something called a sexual desire, ie, people have no desire whatsoever, they are a sexual, they simply have no desire whatsoever. And they are a small percentage of humanity, but they are there, they simply cannot, you know, that people are created differently. And so it's not, you know, they're falter anyways, just the way they are just like it's not your fault, that you're attracted to the same gender. But just because you have a desire, or lack of desire doesn't mean that you have to, you know, act upon it. So you can say that you're not interested, you know, intimacy at all, and

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the thought, you know, you find it repulsive, and it's not going to work for you, and you're going to do injustice to the lady. And other things can also be said, I mean, again, speak to your close friends that might be able to help you out in your particular culture, I cannot tell you how to back out, but I am telling you must back out, you cannot begin a relationship with another human being. And she is walking in completely innocent, not knowing anything about you in this regard, and expecting to have a normal family life and a normal marital relations. And obviously, you know, she will want to have children, etc, etc. And you're saying that's not going to happen at all, dear

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brother, if you do this, you are sinful in the eyes of Allah, you are not sinful for telling your parents the truth and making them hurt and irritated because of the truth. That's something that's their fault. It's not, you know, if they were to get angry and yell and scream, you are not sinful, you are sinful for obeying your parents in this regard. One is going to harm an innocent soul. You cannot obey your parents, you are sinful in this case for obeying your parents because there's an innocent party involved. It's not just you and your parents. There's an innocent party involved. Also, I have heard of this happening. And

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anecdotally, I know that this has happened, that, you know, this, this, this issue of being attracted to the same gender, it is a an issue that we are confronting as an own by now and we're talking about this more and more and more and more people want to live faithful lies to Islam. They don't want to practice this feeling, but at the same time, they cannot change who they are. And I am aware that at least in the Western world, there are

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Email, you know, or Google Groups or something of this nature, where people are struggling with this desire and not wanting to act upon it. And a man and a woman who are both struggling with the same issue, they decide that you know what it's best for us to, to get married at Islamic nigga, and just be companions to one another even if it's platonic, but they both understand what is going on, so that it will help their families and they get along anyway, their friends anyway, they might not have to be intimate, because here's the point, if you were to find a lady, that doesn't mind not being intimate or not having children, that's completely permissible. I mean, it's not obligatory,

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you know, to be to be intimate to have sex is not obligatory, to have children. The problem comes that obviously your wife, as you have described, is completely clueless about your issue. So you cannot just enter into a contract in this manner, and then expect to tell her the day after the marriage, that's not fair. That's an injustice. But if you were to find a lady that is actually wanting the same type of scenario that you're describing, which is no intimacy, and no children, and just a partnership that you know, just taking care of one another and friendship and whatnot, this is something that these days because of the internet and because of you know, what not insha Allah,

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it is possible so think about this. I mean, I cannot advise you to actually do this. It's not It's not something I know you that well that I can tell you, but I'm saying you know your situation best think about maybe this might be the best way that you can, you know, make your family and friends happy that you know you you are married. There is another lady that also needs to make her parents happy that she is married and the both of you understand you know that, you know, this is what it is. And there's no sin if that were to happen and a lot of xojo knows best.