A Guide To Selecting Your Spouse

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Waleed Basyouni

Channel: Waleed Basyouni

Episode Notes

Episode Transcript

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How do I get to know that this is the one?

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As a big, cute, we don't date as Muslims. We don't live with each other for a year before we get married?

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How would I know that this was the right one?

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The answer was simple. There's many things you can do to find out that this is their own. Number one, make sure that you know exactly what you want, and the person. So it really, this is my opinion 50% of the solution, that you didn't know exactly what you want. Because we started to look into the proposal. While it's vague in your head, you're not going to be able to verify, I said, be specific, understanding the complexity of these issues, when he talks about religion, character traits, what exactly and each one of them has different levels and all these things that we discussed before. Then you look at the person, these are tips that might help you one of the clear sign of having duck

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walk or good character, having righteous and good friends, you know, show me who you hang out with. I'll tell you who you are, it is important, simple and important, which is tell me who you hang out with, I'll tell you who you are.

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You will be in the same lifestyle of those who you are in their company as the prophets of salaam said, and morality Nicoline. So if you hang out with people who are bunch of losers, and you know drug addicts, and people who have no ambition in life, most likely you're like one of them.

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If you she hanging out with girls who have no goals and live nothing, no importance, the contribute zero, most likely she is similar to them.

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If she is going on with girls who are like party date nights, or a guy who go and guys will clubbing, you know, or girls clubbing all the time, most likely they are the same.

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If you hang out with people go to the master go to classes go to contribute like to volunteers, people who are care about education, take about care about community, society work big goals in life, that's similar thing most likely they are. So one of the things that will help me a lot to determine if that's the right person, or because always when you get married to someone, they show you the best.

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You don't want to be deceived by that. You want to make sure that those who they are really another one, how does he or she spend their free time that tells you a lot about person.

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You can tell a lot about person by asking him, what do you do in your free time? Just don't enjoy the answer.

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You can tell a lot.

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Okay, another thing high standards is this person has high standards in life or no or low standards in any in any aspects of their life.

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Another one accomplishments and achievements in life.

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I remember a father told me to represent him. When his daughter, we were an event and the father was far away and he said, Chef, that is this guy wants to meet my daughter, can you please be there with her? I said okay. So the brother who one of my students do, and the sisters one of my students, and now her father asked me to represent her in this meeting.

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They talked the talk then

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I said to her sister, she said yes. I said, You guys graduated from college, what kind of like achievement that you have achieved in your life and college days, like?

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Then she said, OSHA. You know, I was I run for MSA president and I became the insert president, Mr. President, because both were MSA, presidents and different university. She said I had a goal of establishing 123 I was able to do it in first year. And I was able to change this to do that. And she listed the five things.

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One minute done.

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Then history and said, Okay, what about yours and MSA? What did you achieve?

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He said, or it was one of my best days, you know, and Hamdulillah we were able to accomplish a lot. And you know, we talked a lot about things and how can we change and all the thing that it must be done and you know, it was really great experience and I'm so happy that Allah gave me the opportunity to help and you know, it's really such a challenge

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for another like five minutes, not a single solid point.

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I looked at her, I looked at him, and I said,

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okay, just something to keep in mind.

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It's really was very bad look very bad on him, that he does not have a clarity of what he want. That's character. There's some people just talker, just their good heart, they love to talk a lot but they don't accomplish. So if you thinking you marrying someone who will be accomplishing things so fast in their financial lives or whatever, you're talking to a guy who like just to dreamer, are you gonna like to talk more than do things.

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If you're looking for a doer, go get it kind of guy

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will seem to be him. If you're looking for a girl who's good, do it go get it done, she looks like the same the garter that you're looking for. So ask just look at the achievement what they have done all the life.

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Another one has a lot to do the person awesome to meet the parents.

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They're serious, dude, immediate. I don't think anyone refused to meet the parents from the first early state as someone that you should not continue in your relationship with.

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You want to know me come through the door, don't go through the windows.

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You come talk to my parents,

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that's a very good way to find out the guy serious or not.

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Another way to find if this the right person or not the engagement period, when you get engaged to someone, there is a period called engagement, you get to know the person, you get to meet the person, you get to have conversation with the person more. So it's not the whole video for Hulu is not like, Okay, I found a guy marry him tomorrow, we oops, we just move in together. It's not like that. Also, there was a period of time.

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Also, after the engagement, there's a contract, the marriage contract. And when you make the contract, you know, there is another period until the consummation of the marriage. And that's a period also to get to know the person, how long the engagement should be, how long the contract period should be before we consummate the marriage. First of all, if you do the contract, that's a very, very, very, very advanced step. Okay. So, but before that the engagement or the talking period,

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I'll tell you, if you see a lot of red flags, if there's a lot of mysterious things about this person, just gap about the person

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things that you know, I don't understand like this some missing gaps in this person's life, things doesn't add up things confusing, I'm not sure. prolong the period of engagement, make it longer the period or get to know each other.

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Every check checked quickly. You can go you know, as short as three months or two months and get married. If checks and real check but other things doesn't check and there's a lot of like, or many red flags coming out now take your time.

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Do don't make too long to a year or two years just hanging here like that. No decision no.

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And because you don't want this this can have very negative impact on you.

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One of the things that will help you to find a person as well is that ask Allah subhanaw taala to open your heart to open your mind. And please I want to make sure that this is important. You cannot just rely and do that by itself. You have to take the necessarily means as well. Staccato is not everything. A guy told me I'm tired I proposed to 20 girls. I said okay, he said I didn't

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I said What happened 20 girls who mashallah you're lucky to have a 20 girls that you find to propose to in your community. Why didn't none of them you like he said I like many of them. I said okay, so why? I said the guy has a problem making decisions and hesitance don't like that. You know, what is the problem? And problems everyone I like her everything I preach to Hana and after a price to Hana, I feel nothing. So I let her go

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he's serious as it Yeah, what do you think?

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I think you should have talked to me a long time ago. I said Who told you that? What are you waiting like next day you see a billboard site go for it sign God

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and what do you what do you what are you waiting for? Gibreel come to you in your Manam and your and your Steven said Good. Go for it. No.

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That's nobody ever said sounds Tahara is connecting to anything. sign or any

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thing like that you're gonna want to handle so did you ask us what to bless your choice? A lot of people have this misconception as to how to think is Tara is about Allah choosing for you know I hate to break it for you my boyfriend

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let's do How does not Allah choosing for you you choose for yourself according to the knowledge of Allah smart Allah to the will of Allah. But you make the choice because of Allah making the choice for you. That means he cannot bear the responsibility for your actions. But you do because you make the choice. But what you pray that Allah bless your choice, Allah shows you

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some Subhan Allah to Allah, how to make the right choice.