Sex in Muslims Relationships – Mufti Menk Approved AudioBook

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Tarek Kareem Harris

Channel: Tarek Kareem Harris

Episode Notes

Episode Transcript

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This is a chapter on sex beneficial, free and blessed. Here's an interesting fact, the word nigger literally means sexual intercourse. This is an important clue as to how Islam views sex. We know Nikka more commonly as a ceremony of making a marriage formal in Islam. It's a totally wholly honorable and joyous occasion, pure and simple in every way. And so we see that Islam see sex in this way to sex is very real to Islam. It's one of the many drives and instincts in the bodily side of the mind the nerves, and as such, it is a strong force, which benefits from proper understanding and management, if we are to enjoy it, not come to harm from it.

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People who follow Islam don't think of sex as just for having babies. It's as a gift from God. It's seen as a physical and emotional engagement of all of the body and mind are a source of both happiness and pleasure in its own terms.

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There's no part of our religion that says that sexual urges are bad and their own urges are mere mental drivers and beginnings of some intention. They aren't punished, no matter how many bad urges you have, unless you act on them in a bad way.

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Islam invites people to act on their sexual desires freely once they're married. When it comes to mental health, the strength of marriage and cohesion of the wider community.

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This is a very free and beneficial way to be for couples. Islam encourages foreplay, guiding you to raising each other's desires before sex taking your time. It even says that a woman needs more attention and time than a man does. Both to be aroused for sex, and to get her to climax. Men should try to make women happy this way, because immensely calming and restorative for both partners to reach a satisfactory orgasm.

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Islam encourages sexual liberty in women within the safe envelope of marriage. Same applies to men.

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Women especially are actively encouraged to let go of their outward inhibitions when it comes to having sex. When she's with her husband, he gives her the keys and gives her the right to be completely sexual with him.

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Men are discouraged from inhibiting their wives in this situation.

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It's balanced with the modesty that both men and women should show in public life.

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And this is a great example of how Islam mirrors the natural tendencies of people in life. Women usually find it very liberating to completely trust their partner in bed. And this sense of freedom is very important to their sexual well being.

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Women are encouraged to have sex without shame or inhibition. This can take time, but the couple have their whole life to take on the exploration of this sexual journey.

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So married Muslims are encouraged to have sex and enjoy it for mutual pleasure as much as they wish. And on the issue of consent, Allah gives us guidance. Consider each other's urges to be very important.

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Do your best not to deny your partner sex if they want it. But be wary of the limit and never have sex, if they will. You are not willing.

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Nobody is banned from lawful sex it's of spiritual value, a literal blessing. Doing it with the right intentions and manner, pleasing each other comes with the promise that the Almighty himself is pleased and blesses the couple for having sex.

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Enjoying one another's bodies and minds in Union is an act that shows appreciation of the gifts from the Creator. The idea is that sex is a wonderful thing that we're encouraged to enjoy. It's wholesome, liberating, and it's restorative. It's not dirty, impure or distracting.

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Other books will describe the methods and modes of sex which are permissible in Islam.

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I will not go into them here because they are covered more expertly by other Islamic writers. And there are subtle but important differences in opinion from one one hub to another.

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Overall, though, it's fair to summarize this, have sex with unrestrained emotion and joy and feel free to experiment and introduce variety to your sexual life within the rules of your particular mother.

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In Islam, every adult of sound mind is encouraged to get married and then encouraged to enjoy sex. Country contrast that to faithful cultures where people like priests and monks are not even allowed to get married or have sex.

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The headline reason is that sex is distracting, or sex decreases holiness. In essence, they're saying that sex is somehow not spiritually helpful and somehow unclean. Even the words around sex are tinged with sin. Literally to have a carnal desire is a sinful idea, with the word carnal coming from the law.

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Latin word for meat. Sex is equated to a desire for meat. We can see the flawed philosophy underneath this thinking. All of the spiritual and wholesome qualities of sex are bleached away from it. It's thought of simply as some kind of animal urge devoid of value.

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Sex is a way to show the reader you how powerful and consistent Islam psychological foundation is when it comes to marriage. I'm guessing that what you've read here is surprising, probably a lot more interesting and liberating than you thought it was going to be.

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So what about sex before marriage? sex before marriage isn't permitted in Islam. It gives many reasons which help us understand this view. And there are other reasons which we not to know, but are only clear to Allah. As far as we are told sex before marriage is deemed to full of harm and risk far outweighing any benefits.

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As Muslims, we are invited to think for ourselves, but where we are likely to keep falling short, where our logic and our apparent sense fails, our Creator steps in giving us some clear guidance. It's a marvelous and elegant system psychologically, it balances freedom and self determination with realism and support.

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These rules help us out when we really need them. And if we break the rules, we're not dismissed or damned. We are invited to ask for forgiveness.

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It's true many young people have sex outside marriage, as greatest sin as it is, is not beyond forgiveness for those who tried to change. How could we feel unforgivable, when the very being who made us is fully aware of our design having made us to be exactly as we are, where our free will has failed us? We need not feel inconsolable. We need to turn to our maker to express our remorse of having mistreated our free will. And our sincerity is guaranteed to earn forgiveness.

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Modern Times are particularly distressing for young people because the freeness of society everywhere and the ease with which they can do things in secret creates more opportunities for sex. Even if people don't intend for things to go that far.

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Men and women get caught up in fleeting relationships and find that they can't control their urges. Despite their good intentions. They have not yet fully developed their conscious minds, their hearts to their full power, impulsivity and urges take over, much to their regret afterwards. The rules of Islam help us to return to what is better for society as a whole abstinence before marriage,

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whether we know it or not, whether we agree it or not. If our maker has decided that that's what better for us, than we must consider that this is the truth.

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The question arises is permissive Western society to blame for moral decline? Well, I don't think so. At least, I don't think it's as responsible as people like to say it is. I think this accusation is misleading and unhelpful. It's time we took responsibility for our own actions and decisions. If we choose to live in a society which is permissive. We need to acknowledge that we are free to act in the way we see fit. permissiveness means freedom, but it does not mean encouragement. There are plenty of Westerners who avoid alcohol, who avoid sex before marriage and conduct themselves in honorable ways. And they live in the same societies as we do. They probably live a more morally

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correct life than many Muslims, if we come to think of it very honestly.

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Ultimately, we're judged for our actions as individuals. If we break Islamic rules, we will not be excused by our Creator. Because we were in a decadent western society. We always had the power and obligation to choose the right thing to do, regardless of how permissive or restrictive the society we inhabit.

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It's not as if stricter rules in closed societies prevent illicit sexual encounters outside marriage anyway, it still happens just at a less visible level. No society can truly police our free will. It's bound to complicate matters, and it often leads to unpredictable and disastrous consequences. backstreet abortions, forced marriages, honor killings and so on. These are the sins that are worse and far more damaging than unlawful sex.

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So why is marriage a precondition for sex Islamically The rules are the rules and we submitted them. Many of us are perfectly happy to leave it at that. However, Allah knows our nature very well. And some of us want concrete reasons. We don't need to feel guilty if you want greater depth, and Allah knows that having stronger reasons can help many of us stick to rules better.

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We find these reasons by applying our minds to science and sociology and so on. And these fields turn up some useful answers.

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Let's break it down a bit more. Firstly, a child could be conceived from sex. And without marriage as a vehicle to provide structure and support for the children. They face a far less promising future emotionally, financially and so on compared to children with both parents present and committed to one another.

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This is well documented in every society pure and simple.

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Even if people use contraception, this still fails at about a 1% rate. One in 100. People with unwanted pregnancy is a very high number when we apply it to millions of people.

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In every country, with perfect contraception to available to everyone. premarital pregnancy rates are still high. People's impulses, poor planning, inability to use the right contraceptive forgetfulness, these are the weakest link. Such societies do their best to help whether the mother decides to terminate a pregnancy or to go on to have the baby. But once a woman is pregnant, all the options come with a great cost and a great risk.

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Secondly, there's plenty of reasons for anyone religious or not to avoid abortion if they possibly can. Islam valid and psychological research shows that many women suffered deep emotional pain and damage after abortion. Many of them don't expect it to be as traumatic as it turns out.

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Even if the abortion procedure is painless and uncomplicated, it sets in motion a cocktail of hormonal changes, which biologically override the mind regardless of how prepared a woman feels. The hormone of pregnancy progesterone is very powerful, exerting all kinds of influences conscious and unconscious over the woman's mind. There's feelings of motherhood, bonding, nurturing, and so on. And these can be entirely unexpected for some women, but they are very powerful nonetheless, then, an abortion and these levels suddenly fall off a very high cliff. And this has consequences on well being, from sadness and misery through to feeling angry and confused, and these changes can shake

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even the most emotionally stable woman's ability

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or confidence, her identity. For many of these women, abortion becomes a deep source of regret and loss and heartbreak. quite unexpectedly.

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The knifes of motherhood has a very long memory for loss, she might try to overcome the feeling with rational reasons why she needed to abort, but the feeling still remains and it damages Well being a judgment for many years afterwards in many cases.

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So unplanned pregnancy premarital is still Islamically preferable to abortion. After 40 days in the womb, the fetus has given its enough its essence of being as a distinct thing.

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terminating the pregnancy after this point is a grave sin. So the poor woman is faced with a terribly difficult dilemma should she commit this grave sin or should she bring a child into this world where she feels very ill prepared for it. And we know that children born to single women, even if they are brought up with love and material provision, fare worse in terms of mental health, physical health and material achievement, both as children and later on in life. Even the finest of mothers will struggle to fill the instinctive gap left by a missing father.

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Word on contraception. Clearly, contraception is useful and Islam has no problem with using contraception within marriage. However, contraception is not without its problems, we've discovered that is not as simple and fuss free, as when it first came out. Long term contraception in women with pills or hormonal implants, causes a slew of problems which may or may not outweigh the benefits. Women need to know about these risks before making an informed choice. One of the risks is infertility. Many women in secular societies find that they simply can't ovulate regularly, once they've stopped taking contraceptives, the longer they use them, the worse the problem.

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They may get married after using long term contraception and find that they can't have children even when they want to.

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Contraception is also associated with a loss of sexual desire, the wish to have sex is intimately bound up with hormonal changes. And if this is compromised, a woman may not be willing to have sex, even marriage. And this can be very distressing for both her and her husband. It's an unintended but real consequence of prolonged hormonal contraception. That's not to say it's not for you, but be aware that these are the risks. Also, we've learned that depression and anxiety, risk of blood clots comes from using the pill. The pill is associated with these kinds of consequences. It's not by any means the clean and isolated method of preventing pregnancy that it was once promised.

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It can directly affect a woman's sense of being womanly or whole and lead to loss of self belief, even those who don't want to have children. It will

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It says a biological level in people who are vulnerable to this effect, and we can't tell who it might affect in these ways beforehand.

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Even in marriage, the possible consequences of different kinds of contraception must be taken into account. outside marriage, doctors and women are learning that it is far from its original advertised harmlessness.

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And let's consider sexually spread diseases. I don't believe in the view that diseases are punishments from Allah only. sexual diseases are consequences of irresponsible sexual decisions, but we can't know why Allah really gives us anything good or bad. I mean, take aids for example, many people including children contracted AIDS from blood transfusions. Sometimes a bad thing leads to a good consequence further down the line. But diseases are diseases simple, we don't debate their use. And as human beings we get on with the job of trying to help cure or prevent their suffering. Sexually transmitted diseases are very prevalent, dangerous and debilitating. They cause anything

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from painful illness to infertility. right through to the very serious issues like psychosis, and even death. They're a blight on any society, causing unnecessary and untold damage. Potentially great parents are rendered infertile, unable to have children. And young parents either die or have to watch their own children die from something that they never deserved to catch.

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Sexually Transmitted Infections are often transmitted through sex without proper planning by people who struggled with controlling their impulses, unable to resist moments when their desires override good sense. Even in a good Islamic society, sexual diseases will exist. People are human and prone to make mistakes. Perhaps in a full Islamic society, there will be fewer sexually transmitted diseases because of the rules and the logic behind the rules. They will prevent themselves from going into situations where they might lose control and break the rule banning sex before marriage. Still, Islam does not expect people to be perfectly adherent. After all, nothing happens without

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Allah's permission, including pregnancy. Forgiveness is Allah's favorite activity, and there'd be no forgiving if we never made those mistakes.

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Should we choose to believe in Islam and live by it Islam is much more than a story about God and afterlife. It's a handy system of tips and rules that saves us from having to discover what is right only in the aftermath of our mistakes. We can never get rid of the mistakes altogether. And we'd be foolish to judge anyone who's failed to resist temptation. None of us can say we've always been in control. Islam is sympathetic to the human condition in a very deeply merciful and understanding way. Nobody is born sinful, and nobody is unforgivable. There is a way for everyone to find well being and fulfillment within their own ability without elaborate rituals or complex layers of

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holiness.

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A married home is better for a child.

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A married home is better for a child. Consider how communities are when they function at their best over human history. Doubtless there have been different types of ways in which societies organized themselves. Perhaps there were times past when marriage was not a thing at all. But those times have not survived till now. In fact, in 99.9% of communities around the world, marriage has arisen separately and emphatically in the history of most successful societies. It would only have done this if it brought some kind of survival benefit to those societies, making them stronger than those where marriage didn't happen.

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Subhanallah even history itself gives us a clue as to the importance of marriage in the success of society.