Taimiyyah Zubair – Taleem al Quran 2012 – P02 030E Tafsir Al-Baqarah 228

Taimiyyah Zubair
AI: Summary © The conversation covers the topic of waiting for divorce, the importance of privacy, and the rights of women in marriage. The speakers emphasize the need for women to have the right to demand privacy and the importance of acceptance and submission to authority. They also stress the need for everyone to make decisions together and avoid giving advice to anyone without their knowledge. The conversation emphasizes the importance of avoiding divorce and not letting anyone in the future.
AI: Transcript ©
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One lupa legato and the divorced women with alacarte florala. From for Luca and Luca Luca from Fallout Pollock divorce Metallica, the woman who has been given divorce so divorce was mentioned. Now the woman who has been divorced the divorced women, Allah subhanaw taala says Yet Allah bus NaVi unfussy Hina they have to wait with themselves. Yeah Tara Bosma same route as that of Basra Belle Saad, to lie in wait for something.

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So those women they have to wait be unfussy, you know, with themselves and this is the plural of naps. What does it mean that they have to remain in waiting? They have to keep themselves away from something they have to wait for how long selesa, Kuru, three menstrual cycles for three periods. They have to wait.

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What is this referring to? They're in the waiting period of the divorced woman.

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When a woman has divorced, she can't just go the next day and get married to another man.

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Okay, she can't do that.

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When a woman is divorced by her husband, she has to wait for three periods. After that, the divorce will be finalized it will be complete. Okay.

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And then she can go and remarry. But there's a time period of three months approximately three periods which is the waiting period

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during this waiting period, what is it that a woman cannot do mainly she cannot get married

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Okay. Mainly what is it that you cannot do she cannot get married and there are other things as well which inshallah we will learn about as each case of divorce we study.

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So when the padlock auto yet or Basma be unfussy Hinata lotta Kuru What is His word Kuru. Kuru is the plural of

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from the root letters call for all Hamza and Cora is to gather to collect. It is said that the word Quran is also from the same root. Okay, thorough together to collect

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and it is understood in two ways. First of all, it is at the port or Kuru refers to periods hailed menstruation.

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Okay, so three menstrual cycles, three periods.

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Why is it that the scholars have said that it refers to the periods the hype, because the Prophet saw a lot is that I'm said with regards to the woman who has is the helper meaning who has bleeding even outside of her menstrual cycle, that he said that dobro do a yam o'clock she will sit for the days of her o'clock meaning for her periods, meaning the days that she has your periods, those days she will consider to be your period and outside of that if she has bleeding, she will disregard that. So the Prophet saw a lot of them use the word o'clock. Okay, Kuru, what does that mean? Hey,

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other scholars have said that it doesn't refer to the periods the menstrual cycles, but it refers to the periods of purity between the menstrual cycles.

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So for example, a woman she has her period let's say on the 15th on average of every month

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okay. So, her period is for five days 15th through the 20th According to the first opinion 15 to 20 of those are what that is what I thought

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so let's say January 15 to 20 and then February 15 to 20th and then march 15 to 20th on the 20th of March her read the is over

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her it is over according to the first opinion.

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The second opinion is that no adverse the periods of purity that are between the periods.

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Okay, so from the 20th of January, all the way to 15th of February is going to be her first bottle, okay, and so on and so forth.

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So, while mocha legato Bascombe unfussy Hina selesa Kuru.

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But let's say there is a woman whose periods are very irregular.

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Let's say she's going through menopause, she has a period one month and then she doesn't have periods for the next five months. What is she supposed to do wait for a year.

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By the time finally her three periods will be over than her. There will be a year. No. Or let's say there's a woman who just doesn't have her periods. She just doesn't. Let's say she's past the age of menopause.

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was, or even though she's not reached that age, she just never had her period. She doesn't have periods, like other women generally do. And it happens with some women.

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So in this case, what's the story? How much will be her? If it's going to be three lunar months? It will not be three periods. But how much would it be three lunar months. Okay.

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Another situation, a woman is pregnant. She's not going to have her periods. Let's say it's her first month of pregnancy. She's gonna wait for her whole pregnancy, and then wait for her period to come. Sometimes women don't have their periods for like 810 months after their baby. So then her that will be like, two years a year and a half. Know her it will be until she gives birth

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until she gives birth. Once she gives birth, her it is over. Suppose she gives birth after 10 hours. Her husband says I divorced you. And because of that shock, she goes into labor and delivers her baby after 10 hours. So then what? Yes, her is over.

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Let's say after nine months, after eight months, she delivers her baby, then yes, her it will be over after eight months. Okay.

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Another case

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a marriage took place. There wasn't a guy.

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But the husband was, let's say in Canada and the wife was in the States.

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Okay. The marriage, in other words was not consumated. They're not living together. There were no relations between the two. But the man finds out he goes on to Facebook. And he sees that, oh, this girl she does such and such. And she knows so and so. And she's like, No, I don't think I can stay with such a girl. And he says, I think I'll divorce her. So he divorces her now is she supposed to stay on? It? No, they will be noted that for her. Why? Because the marriage was never consummated. The marriage was never consummated. Because the purpose of the objective of EDA is to find out if the woman is pregnant or not. That's the main reason.

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People might say just take a pregnancy test and get it over with no sometimes even pregnancy tests don't give accurate answers for several months. But if the woman has missed her period, and she's missed her beard again, and she's missed her period, again, it will be very clear that she is pregnant.

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All right, or she is not pregnant. The main purpose of this is to reveal the pregnancy of the woman.

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Okay, and pregnancy tests are not available accessible to all women across the world, you know, different eras different places. So this is a reason. Now, what's the point? Why reveal the pregnancy? What's the objective behind that? There are many benefits. One is that if the husband finds out, oh, my wife is pregnant, then it's quite possible he changes his mind. Right? He might change his mind that not a good idea. We're gonna have a baby and that child is going to be so confused. You know, yes, there are some things that I cannot tolerate about my wife. But you know what? I'll sacrifice. I'll make do with whatever we have. And I want the child to grow up in a

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stable family.

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So he changes his mind. It's quite possible. Let's say he doesn't change his mind. It's the final divorce. Okay, and there's no way that the two can get together anyway. Okay, it's the final divorce, the two cannot get together. So what's the purpose of reading the pregnancy? That it is known whose child that baby is? Suppose the woman she gets married immediately after she's divorced. And she finds out she's pregnant. She doesn't know whose child it is the first husband or the second, you understand? Because remember, we learned earlier that one of the objectives of the should era is protection of lineage, protection of lineage. So this is the reason why the woman has

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to wait after divorce.

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So while Mapa Lakota yet or bus Nabi unfussy. Hina selesa Kuru wala your handler Hoonah and it is not permissible for them. It is not halal for them.

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If it's not halal for them, what does it mean it is haram for them. So it is not halal for them a tuna that they can see you ketema To conceal. It is not permissible that they can see you Mahala Kola who what Allah has created fee or hammy hidden in their wombs,

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meaning it is not allowed for the women to hide to conceal their pregnancy if they find out

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They are pregnant, then they have to let the husband know the father know, they have to let it be known they cannot conceal the pregnancy.

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Or ham is a plural of Russian Raha meme and ROM is womb what is the womb the womb is where the child the baby, the fetus, it grows, right? It is nurtured. And it is also protected.

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The word of home is also used for blood relatives, for close relatives, those people who are related to you through blood, why is the same word used for them. Because just as the womb protects the baby, and it is where the child grows. Likewise, the blood relatives of a person also protect him. They take care of him, they nurture him, they do his tarbiyah he grows under their care and supervision.

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from the same root Raha Amin is also Rama. Merci.

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Merci. And it is because of the Mercy of Allah subhanaw taala that we are safe, that we are protected, that we have risk we grow we are nurtured. So it is all connected.

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So over here, the women are told that they are not allowed to hide their pregnancy, they should not conceal it. Why do you think a woman would conceal her pregnancy in the first place?

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To get out of the relationship quickly, she's like, You know what, if he finds out that I'm pregnant, he might change his mind. I want to be done with this. So she pretends that she's having her period and she's not actually having her period. And she's pretends she has her second beard and our third period. And there it is over. And the marriage is finished. And then later on, the man finds out Oh, she was pregnant. And he says had I known I would have changed my mind but she wanted to get out of that situation. So she conceals a pregnancy

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or that she doesn't want to share the child with the husband. She says Okay, good. I'm pregnant. This child is online. I'm not going to let him know about it. And I'm gonna live myself and I'm gonna raise the kid myself. She doesn't want the father to have any share in the child.

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So Allah says it's not permissible for them. It's not halal for them, that they conceal the pregnancy

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in Cana, if they You mean Nabila? He will Yeoman arkad if they believe in Allah, and the last day, you notice how there's so much known being repeated over here. Right? This known at the end, this is the sign of feminine plural.

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Okay, feminine plural. Can you mean Mina? Okay. Of Hammy. Hiner.

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So in Kona, yo Mina Bella, he will yo will acid if the truly believe in Allah and the Last Day then they should not conceal the pregnancy. This is something very serious.

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This is something very serious. If they believe in Allah, if they believe in the last day, they should not hide their pregnancy, which means that if they hide their pregnancy, then their Eman and Allah their Eman in the Akela. There's some problem with that. It is only those women who truly believe in Allah who fear Allah who fear the coming of the last day that they will not hide their pregnancy.

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What were Runa to Hoonah and their husbands will rule is a plural of barrel and barrel is husband. Zone urge zone which is spouse it can be used for us but it can also be used for wife xojo Right. But the word bol is only used for the husband what had the burly che ha ha the bar li che ha the wife of Ibrahim Al Islam said this husband of mine he is old. He's an old man, how can I have a child when she was given the good news of the birth of his help? So what we're gonna do we're gonna and their husbands a hug Kobe Latina, they have the more right to take them back or Haku halco from heck, what does that mean?

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What does Hulk mean? Right? It also means truth. But it also means right. Like you said, this is my hack.

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I have the hack to learn. I have the hack to find out about this meaning it is my right. I deserve this.

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So over here, what we're gonna do, we're gonna help Cobra de when their husbands are more deserving. They are more rightful. Do take them back below the Hindi word from the electric rod elder rod is to return. So the husbands have the right to take their wives back.

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Because let's say the wife says no, I don't want to live with this man anymore. I want this relationship to end. But what does Allah subhanaw taala say that the husband has more right over here.

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Why do you lesbian has more right to take the wife back? Why a person might say this is not fair. I mean, what if the wife doesn't want to? If the husband decides that she has to a bit? Why why do you think that was? One has more right?

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Can you think of a reason? Yes.

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Okay, she has children. She has his kids. Why else? Yes.

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Yes, very right. That many times women make their decisions based on what pure emotion,

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pure emotion, many women do that.

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Women are more emotional. And men are less emotional, and not saying that they're not emotional at all. They're less emotional compared to men.

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And we're not talking about exceptional cases, we're talking about general cases. I mean, generally, typically, this is what you will find.

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Sometimes you will also come across some women who are not emotional at all, and some men who are very emotional will start crying and every little thing, right? You do come across that. So there are the odd exceptional cases. But typically, generally, this is the case the women are more emotional, especially when it comes to marriage and divorce.

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If the women had the right to pronounce divorce on their husbands, then believe me, no marriage would have lasted.

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No marriage would have lasted.

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So what we're gonna do, we're gonna have to build out the hidden Nephi Delica in there. But there's one condition in our audio is Lucha, if they intend reformation. If they intend reconciliation, meaning the husband can only take the wife back during their other, if he really wants to fix things, if he really wants to live with the wife in a good manner, if he really wants that the relationship should work out. But if he says, You know, I have the right to take her back. So I'll take her back. And then I'll divorce her again. And then I'll divorce her again three times, and I'll torture her for an entire year like this. And you know, I'll take my revenge. And then you

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know, I'll be happy I'll be satisfied. What does Allah subhanaw taala say in our audio is Lucha if they intend to fix things.

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What a Honda and for the women. For the women, Miss Liu, similar to Olivia, I lay Hiner, that which is upon them, meaning the women have rights. Just as the husbands have rights upon them.

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The husband has the right to pronounce divorce, the husband has the right to take the wife back. But what about the wife? Does she have any rights? Does she does she deserve anything of that marriage? Yes. Allah says yes, the women also have some rights, just as there are some rights of the husband. Just as some responsibilities are laid upon the wife, she also has some rights.

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And just as the husband has some rights, you also have some obligations and duties towards his wife. Well, I wanna mitzvah lady Alejandra, but how Bill Maher aloof in the manner that is approved in a manner that is acceptable, because no relationship can work out. If only one has the rights and the other does not.

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If you want any relationship to work out, then both deserve some things and they're obligated to do some things. If the husband had all rights, and the wife had no rights, the marriage would not work out.

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If the wife was obligated with responsibilities, and she had no rights, again, the marriage would not work out.

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So Allah soprano already makes it very clear over here that both have some obligations towards their partners, and they also have rights as well. Now what are the rights of the wife? You might say the husband can divorce he can take back what is the wife had left with her?

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What does she have? What rights does she have? Women know very well about their rights. They don't know much about their obligations but definitely when it comes to rights they know

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right because each person is concerned about this is my right this is my right. Right. So what are the rights of the women as wives?

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You don't know.

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You know, I understand that. Many of you are not married but as women generally women are concerned about their rights. So what are the rights of a wife?

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Okay, she can keep the kids but the husband also has rights over the kids. Okay. It will discuss the matter of the kids later in Sharla. Yes.

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Okay, not just divorce me. Why are you jumping to divorce? In case of divorce she keeps the kids in case of divorce in a she can take color. Talk about happy things as well.

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Oh, yes

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that she is treated with kindness. Yes.

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That she is supported financially by the husband that he takes care of her financially. He takes care of her bills and her shopping and her groceries. Yes.

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She has the right to

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to keep her own wealth, right? What else? somebody raised their hand from there in the corner, your same thing. Okay.

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I'll tell you.

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Even our bustle, the lower end who he said,

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I like to adorn myself for my wife, just as I like for her to adorn herself for me.

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Even our best a companion of the Prophet sallallahu sallam, he said that I like to adorn myself for my wife, just like I like that my wife should beautify herself for me.

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So it is the right of the wife to demand from her husband, that he stays in normal clothes at home and not in his pajamas all the time.

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You can do that. Because typically what do men do, when they're going out? They will wear their crisp iron laundered clothes. You know, spray their perfume, wear their best watch, and not touch any food, not touch any dishes, because my clothes are gonna get dirty, they're gonna get ruined. They walk out of the house and they come back. And if the wife asks, Can you please hold the kid? Is atomic change first? Let me go change first and what is he wearing his pajamas

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that she has been seeing since they got married.

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Because it doesn't matter to me can wear all faded. You know, crumpled pajamas all the time, and it doesn't matter. No, it is the right of the wife or the husband also dresses up for her. That he also looks good for her. It is all her rights. And at the same time, it is the right of the husband as well. The wife also dresses up for her. So don't just get dressed up when you're going to a party. When people are coming over. Or when you're going over to somebody's house know when your husband is coming home after a full day of work, then please go change.

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Go change go dress up, put some jewelry on put some little bit of makeup on do something like show that you care for him show that you have some interest in him. Because some women also they have this bad habit. And unfortunately it is in those women who wear our via especially

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who wear jilbab especially what are they wearing under their jilbab I'd like to ask you what are you wearing under your job right now?

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If I asked you take your jilbab off.

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Would you

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mismatched pajamas old faded t shirt.

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Right or shallow water that doesn't match with the commies. Those of you who are Pakistanis Indians, right? That was not ironed that has some stain on it. We'll wear that under the Avaya and when we go home, we take the Avaya off or we don't take it off.

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And when the husband comes in, that's exactly what we have on.

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And he wonders, she goes shopping, she spends hundreds of dollars. Where does that money go?

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We are those clothes.

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So the husband has a right that the wife dresses up for him. And the wife has the right that the husband dresses up for her to

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make it a point to do that this is the right of the husband and wife.

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Another important thing we learned that the right of the wife is that she should be treated with kindness you should be spent on she should be fed she should be clothed, she should not be abused. She should not be hated by the husband she should not be abandoned left by the husband. According to the custom according to the culture according to common sense according to what is reasonable in the society in the culture, the woman should be treated nicely. In a hadith we learn the Prophet sallallahu sallam said Fear Allah regarding your women, for you have taken them by Allah's covenant. And we're allowed to enjoy with them sexually by Allah's words meaning you can only enjoy them

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because you promised to do so you took the name of Allah. Allah has made this relationship possible for you. So fear Allah regarding them. You have the right on them that they do not allow anyone you dislike to sit on your mat.

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Meaning the husband has a right that if he does not like someone, the wife should not let that person in the house.

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She should not let that person sit on the mat, the chair the bed the whatever the sofa of the husband. The husband has

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that right? That if he does not like somebody there should not be allowed into the house, though it is the right of the husband. And if they do that, then discipline them, leniently discipline them leniently meaning if there's a mistake the wife is making, then she should be corrected. Yes, she should be disciplined, but how leniently?

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So for example, if the husband came home and the food that was prepared is not something that he generally likes. So, what should he do?

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storm out of the house?

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What should he do? I shouldn't be telling you this. Because what are you going to do with this information?

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Should I tell you about the rights of the women? I mean, there's something that men should know, right. So, why am I telling you?

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There are many mothers over here?

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Who have their sons who are either married or who are going to get married.

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Right? Are there many girls here who will eventually grow up to be mothers whose sons will eventually get married? So teach her sons as well? What their duties are? That if you correct your wife, correct her leniently correct her in a kind manner with gentleness because many times women are insulted by their husbands in front of who their in laws, and this is not fair.

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This is embarrassing for the wife, this is very insulting for her.

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So when you correct her how to do so leniently, they have the right to be spent on and to be bought clothes in what is reasonable, and what is reasonable.

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So don't think that next time you want to buy a pair of clothes, that's like three $400 And you say to your husband needs my right you have to buy me clothes,

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by the way.

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So in what is reasonable?

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Well, Linda, Julia, Elena de Raja, so the wives have, right, their husbands have rights. But Allah subhanaw taala makes it very clear over here, that for the men are laying Hiner above them, meaning above the women above the wives is what the raja one rank,

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meaning the husbands, they are one level above the wives, which means that they are not equal, identical in terms of rights and responsibilities.

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One is above the other one has more rights above the other. And who is that? The husband? You might say why? Because many women they don't like this. Why is it that the husband has, you know, even one level higher than the woman why Well, little jelly or Lena Raja? Because one has been made the leader, one has been made the leader? Have you ever worked in a place where it's not clear who the leader is?

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Or the work is not clearly assigned to individuals who are working on the same project? And so you're unsure? Am I supposed to do this? Are they supposed to do this? You know, whenever I want to do something, they say no, no, we're gonna do it this way. Am I supposed to listen to them? Or are they supposed to listen to me what's happening? It's very confusing. It's very difficult. That relationship cannot work out.

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It doesn't work out in that way.

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So where there is a family, where there are individuals who are related to each other who are living together in the same household? Yes, each individual has certain rights, certain responsibilities, but one has been made the leader

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who has the final say, in many matters, not in all matters, but in many matters, okay. And this is for the benefit of that family that will have the jelly or they hinted the hydrogel is a plural of Rogen and Rogen is men. And the Raja, the Raja is a degree. Okay. It's also used for steps. So you can think of it as you know, there are two steps. Okay? On the lower one is the wife and the upper one, the higher one is the husband, he's one step higher, one step above.

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So this means that he has more rights in some ways, compared to the wife.

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What are those rights the husband has more than the wife, the right to divorce? The right to take back the wife after divorce in their head. Okay. And the right that the wife should obey Him.

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The right that the wife should obey him. Okay.

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He has been made the one they in charge the leader of the family

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and doesn't just mean

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that he's the boss and he has to be respected all the time. And he can go around and, you know, put the wife down and insult her and rebuke her and every little thing and say, I'm the boss, you know what, I can divorce you if I want. And I can do this. And I can do that. No, this comes with responsibility.

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Okay, this comes with responsibility. This is a degree higher in authority and responsibility, in accountability, and in rights as well. Because this is just like, if there is a president of a company, does he have more rights compared to others? Yes, people might say, why is it that he has his own coffee machine in his office, and we have it only the cafeteria, not fair?

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Well, you know what he has to work, sometimes more than you.

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Okay, his work is far more important than yours, he is managing your work. If he wasn't here, you wouldn't be here. If he wasn't doing his work, you would not be employed.

00:31:00 --> 00:31:07

If a person says Why do they have a bigger office compared to ours, not fair, because they have to have meetings in their office.

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A person might say, Why do they have such a big table in such nice chairs in their office while we have these crappy old chairs? Why? Because they have guests walking in managers, presidents of other companies walking in so that the business can grow it can continue why so that you can remain employed?

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So they have a higher rank? Why? Because of their greater responsibility?

00:31:34 --> 00:32:11

greater responsibility? So when the husband is obligated to spend on the wife, is it not fair then that he at least gets to ask the wife? What did you do with that money and the wife is answerable to him? Yes. If the husband gave the money to the wife at the time of marriage, or a lot of money, and he bought the house, and he is spending on the wife, he is working all the money that he makes goes away, because the wife wants to go shopping, and she wants to travel and she wants to go here and there. Does he not have the right to say that? No, let's not do this instead, let's do this. Is it fair that it's not fair?

00:32:12 --> 00:32:16

He has to have that bright as well, that final say in matters.

00:32:18 --> 00:32:24

The flip side of a right is responsibility. So yes, they have rights, but they also have responsibilities.

00:32:26 --> 00:32:42

And because of that, they will also be more accountable as well before Allah subhanaw taala. So in order to help them fulfill their responsibility better, they have been given a greater rank compared to their wives. And this is only fair, it only makes more sense.

00:32:43 --> 00:32:58

Now a person might say what about that case where, you know, the wife is being abused by the husband and he doesn't spend on her and he doesn't take care of her. And, you know, this is not fair. And he threatens to divorce her. So we know he's abusing

00:32:59 --> 00:33:11

the rights that he has. We're not talking about exceptional cases, we're talking about general families, exceptional cases, you know, the law will intervene the family will intervene, something else will be done.

00:33:12 --> 00:33:18

But generally speaking, the husband will have more right over the wife or little jelly or lay in the raja

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in the Quran, Allah subhanaw taala says Regera loco were Munna let me say, the men are the Qalamoun the maintainers over their wives. Why, why are they made the leaders be my football Allahu Barba whom I know about because Allah has given superiority to some over the others will be met unfuckable men I'm William and because they spend from their welds,

00:33:41 --> 00:33:48

the spend from their welds, those of you who are married, just think about it. If your husband did not spend on you

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did not spend on you, then what would you have?

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Some women, quite frankly, nothing because they depend on their husbands 100%. They don't work. They don't have any source of income.

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Their parents are perhaps passed away. Now they don't have much money off their own. They depend on their husbands.

00:34:11 --> 00:34:21

And on the other hand, if a woman says no, I work myself, then you know what, if you were a single parent, a single person today perhaps you would not be living in the house that you're living in right now.

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Perhaps you would have to agree to live in a much smaller place.

00:34:28 --> 00:34:41

Right? So the husband, yes, he may have faults. After all, he's a human being, but he has been obligated to spend on the wife. And because of that reason, he has the higher IQ.

00:34:43 --> 00:34:47

So a little jelly early in the Roger, but this does not mean that

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because of this reason, the husbands are automatically more pious, more righteous as well. No. A person is not righteous, more bias in the sight of Allah

00:35:00 --> 00:35:01

because of their gender

00:35:02 --> 00:35:39

it's because of their Taqwa. Allah subhanaw taala says in a Croma Camarena, Allah He at Koko, the most noble of you in the sight of Allah is the One who is most fearing of Allah subhanaw taala. So it does not mean that men are more righteous, they're more deserving to go to paradise. You know, when it comes to Salah men have to pray, women have to pray when it comes to fasting, men have to fast women have to fast when it comes to sadaqa men have to give charity, women have to give charity. I mean, many times there's a cat that women have to pay as much more than there's a cat that their husbands have to pay. Because of all the jewelry that the women have. Then you realize,

00:35:39 --> 00:35:44

oh, when it comes to finances, I'm at the same level as that of my husband or a little more or a little less.

00:35:46 --> 00:35:51

So when it comes to religious obligations, remember that both are equal.

00:35:52 --> 00:36:27

When it comes to religious obligations, both are equal in the sight of Allah subhanaw taala. Yes, there are some obligations that are laid upon men religious obligations, given their physical ability. And there are some religious obligations that are laid on women and not men, because of how they are like, once I mentioned to you that only a woman can wear hijab, right? I don't know if I mentioned this class or some other but a man even if he wears her job, will you ever get reward for it? Never. Only a woman can get the reward of hijab.

00:36:28 --> 00:36:33

Right? Why? Because she's a woman. It this is something that Allah has told her.

00:36:34 --> 00:36:40

So there are some things that only women can do. And there are other things that only men can do. And there are some things that both can do.

00:36:42 --> 00:37:08

Okay? So don't think that men or women are identical, our religion, it teaches about equality, but not identical. ality both are not identical. You are different. You're not a man, you're a woman. And the one was a man, he's a man, he's not a woman. So let's keep things the way they are, and accept them the way they are. Because what is in the best interest of people is acceptance and submission to the will and Command of Allah subhanaw taala.

00:37:09 --> 00:37:19

And if we keep fighting, if we keep resisting, we are only going to harm ourselves. So accept that you're a woman. There are some things that you have to do and some things that you cannot do.

00:37:20 --> 00:37:30

This is why Allah says well let the man know don't wish for that which Allah has given to others and not you. You know each person gets what they acquire.

00:37:31 --> 00:37:36

So when Linda jelly or Lady Nadal Raja who Allah Who are azizuddin Hakeem,

00:37:37 --> 00:37:51

remember these words, remember these names of Allah subhana wa, tada? Will Allah Who and Allah is our disease, and he is hacking. What does disease mean? One who is mighty?

00:37:53 --> 00:37:54

One who is mighty.

00:37:55 --> 00:38:36

So anyway, there's a warning over here, these commands. These rules are from WHO? Allah subhanaw taala if we don't accept them, if we violate them, if we disobey them, then you know what Allah is almighty. He's all powerful, to execute his revenge against us. If we refuse to accept the authority of our husbands, and we try to rule the way our husbands have to, and we don't accept their instructions, we disregard their commands. We don't obey them. We treat them like we treat our younger brothers. Then remember that Allah is ours, he's and Allah is Hakeem. There's Heckman, there is wisdom.

00:38:37 --> 00:38:40

Why Allah has commanded what He has commanded?

00:38:42 --> 00:38:59

So if Allah has said that will lead to jelly or lay Hinata Raja is there some wisdom behind it? Yes, there is. And even if we don't realize even if we don't understand that hikma that wisdom still know that Allah is Hakeem there is some benefit there's some reason behind that will love our season hurricane

00:39:00 --> 00:39:01

let's listen to the recitation

00:39:03 --> 00:39:04

we'll move

00:39:13 --> 00:39:13

on

00:39:16 --> 00:39:17

gonna

00:39:18 --> 00:39:20

see on time

00:39:27 --> 00:39:28

in

00:39:29 --> 00:39:30

World War Two

00:39:35 --> 00:39:36

in

00:39:46 --> 00:39:47

one

00:39:50 --> 00:39:55

Dodger, will long was even clunky.

00:39:56 --> 00:39:58

Can a car be driven by two people?

00:40:02 --> 00:40:04

Can it be? No?

00:40:06 --> 00:40:07

Can a bus be driven by two people?

00:40:08 --> 00:40:09

No,

00:40:10 --> 00:40:20

it can't be because if there are two drivers, then what will happen? One is trying to turn left and the other is trying to turn right

00:40:21 --> 00:40:28

one is trying to hit the brakes and the other is trying to speed up one wants to stop and the other wants to keep going.

00:40:29 --> 00:40:41

Right. So, because of that, can the Car function properly? Know, are there chances that the car will run into an accident very quickly? Yes.

00:40:42 --> 00:40:50

Are there chances that the people in the car will get hurt? Yes. The people in the car will they be happy? No.

00:40:51 --> 00:40:53

So this is the reason why

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in a family, the husband, the wife, the children, all have rights all had responsibilities.

00:41:04 --> 00:41:06

But there is one leader

00:41:07 --> 00:41:07

there is one leader.

00:41:09 --> 00:41:21

Because if there isn't one leader, then there will be problems for the family. There will be disunity, there will be discord there will be fights, there will be arguments resistance all the time.

00:41:24 --> 00:41:28

So one leader is important. It is necessary.

00:41:29 --> 00:41:43

But it doesn't mean that that one leader does not give any importance to the rest of the people. The best leaders are who those who take those whom they're leading along with them. Right, that is best leadership.

00:41:44 --> 00:41:57

Those who their followers are actually following they're happy with their leaders. And when is that? When does that happen? When the leader seeks their advice, when he keeps them informed?

00:41:58 --> 00:42:07

When he doesn't just say my way or highway, right? When he keeps everybody in the loop when there's communication when there's understanding.

00:42:08 --> 00:42:17

So likewise, the husband Yes, he has been made in charge, but at the same time, he should seek the advice of the wife.

00:42:18 --> 00:42:33

Both should make their decisions together. Because it affects them. The Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam he was a prophet, he was the leader. But Allah subhanaw taala told him that you seek the advice of who of your companions.

00:42:35 --> 00:42:59

Imagine the person who was the most wise amongst them, the most knowledgeable amongst them, the most capable of all of them the most brave and experienced of all of them, the one whom the angel spoke, the one to whom Allah spoke the way he came to him. He is being told that you take Shura, you take advice, you discuss the matters with who the Companions, the people, because otherwise you can't be a good leader.

00:43:01 --> 00:43:11

So likewise, the husband also has to do the same. And when he does that, then yes, the family will be happy that everybody will be on the same page.

00:43:14 --> 00:43:20

And if he doesn't give any importance to the family, then that is where the problems begin from.

00:43:23 --> 00:43:25

The herd of backseat drivers.

00:43:26 --> 00:43:27

Who are the

00:43:29 --> 00:43:42

people who keep telling the driver go here, go there. No, no, stop here. Go there instead. Why are you driving like this? Why are you hitting the brakes like this? Why didn't you give the indicator before? Why don't you give it now why didn't you do this while constantly commenting, interfering?

00:43:45 --> 00:43:48

Backseat drivers who likes them? Nobody does.

00:43:49 --> 00:43:57

Right? So if backseat drivers are not appreciated, you think another driver would be appreciated? Not at all.

00:44:00 --> 00:44:17

Many times it happens that you know a friend or relative, a sister a cousin may approach you and discuss their marital problems with you and express their hate towards their husband or their dislike towards their husband or their anger and their frustration. So in such a situation, what should you do?

00:44:18 --> 00:44:34

And these problems are real. I mean, you can't ignore them. Sooner or later somebody or the other will approach you will discuss your matters with you. What should you do? Many times people, they look at a situation with a bias only from one side they don't look at the other side of the story.

00:44:36 --> 00:44:59

So before giving your suggestion before agreeing with her, also find out about the other side of the story. That if she says for example, he's always upset he's always angry. He's always yelling at me. He's always yelling at the kids. Find out ask her. When was the last time you got a haircut? When was the last time you actually dressed up? When was the last time you

00:45:00 --> 00:45:06

prepared a good meal for the husband? When was the last time you had the house in order? When was the last time you spent some time with him?

00:45:07 --> 00:45:17

So find out, is she fulfilling her responsibility as a wife? Is she doing something that the husband is upset about?

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As a sister, as a friend, it is your obligation to remind her, because Allah says in the Quran with the vessel been held with a vessel, the sub.

00:45:27 --> 00:45:48

And many times such problems can actually be solved. Because you know, the problems that happened between husband or wife, it's like a cycle, a vicious cycle, the wife does something or does not do something and the husband gets upset with her, he's upset with her, he will stay away from her, he stays away from her, or he yells at her. And the wife says, You know what,

00:45:49 --> 00:46:06

I'm not even going to listen to him. I'm not even going to talk to him. I'm not even going to respond to his text messages. And she's showing him an attitude. She's showing him an attitude, he is showing her an attitude. Because of that, she gets upset, and she shows him attitude. It's like a vicious cycle. One problem leads to another to another to another.

00:46:07 --> 00:46:13

And one person has to have the bigger heart over there, and do your son and for you.

00:46:14 --> 00:46:49

So as a sister, as a friend, when your friend approaches you tell her to do so tell her to forgive debt or to do a little bit more sluggish. Tell her to forget to forgive what her husband did what he said and start fresh again. And this may help solve many problems, many, many problems, too. This is one thing that you can do. Another is that make her realize the importance of her husband, in her life in the life of her children. Ask her Okay, so if you're divorced, what are you going to do?

00:46:50 --> 00:47:02

Where are you going to go? Some women they don't realize, especially within a lot of Muslim societies, and Muslim communities. If a woman is divorced, cut off, she's not getting married again.

00:47:03 --> 00:47:10

If she's 30, she's 32. She has one child, the chances of her getting married again, very difficult.

00:47:11 --> 00:47:15

So what's the other option? Where do you go? What do you do?

00:47:16 --> 00:47:17

What do you do?

00:47:18 --> 00:47:46

Is it easier to live in this problem in this mess in this difficulty? Or is it easier to live in the difficulty of you know, being a single parent, you know, managing all those problems yourself? So make them look at both sides. I have seen many, many people approaching, you know, my parents, because you know what their marital problems. And many times I've seen them that they asked, okay, what are you going to do? Both the husband and the wife? If you divorce her? What are you gonna do? If you take divorce? What are you going to do what's better?

00:47:49 --> 00:47:53

So many times, the solution isn't what patients, sub

00:47:54 --> 00:47:56

sub patients

00:47:57 --> 00:48:16

because life is difficult, it is tough, it is tough, you can never find an ideal person. Even if you think you married the ideal spouse, you will see that after two, three years, problems come in. And then life does get difficult. You have to face those challenges, you cannot completely avoid them.

00:48:18 --> 00:48:22

So you have to be patient at that time. You have to be forgiving at that time.

00:48:24 --> 00:49:02

Always compare life with husband wife without husband, what's worse, whatever is worse, leave that and go for the other option. You might say neither is good. Okay, but what's lesser of the two? When it comes to worthless? Okay, so whatever is lesser up for that. And always remember, in the Rahmatullah he could even when we're singing, the Mercy of Allah is close to who the more sinning, those who do or Sam, those who do good to others, even when they're bad to them, those who do good to others, those who are forgiving, kind, generous patient. Allah's Mercy is very close to them.

00:49:04 --> 00:49:18

Many times it happens that when a woman gets divorced, she ends up with her children in her parents house. And that is worse for her. worse for her worse for her family. It gets burdensome for her burdensome for the family.

00:49:20 --> 00:49:27

And if she was living with the husband tolerating the challenges, the difficulties, then it might have been easier for her.

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I'm not saying that if there's a situation of abuse than a woman should tolerate that if there is a situation where there's injustice, a woman has to tolerate that. No, she can take a stand. She has the right to seek divorce. She has the right to demand her rights, but she should also look at the other side. And don't think that your situation is the worst situation in the world. There are women who have gone through much worse problems, much worse problems. You know, stand up for yourself, defend yourself. You know, we've

00:50:00 --> 00:50:11

are in the Quran that the believers are those who when they're treated with injustice Omean testosterone, they defend themselves they demand justice. So yes do that. But every situation is not like that.

00:50:12 --> 00:50:19

Sometimes we think that just because the husband is not giving us gifts and our birthdays, you know, he doesn't love me. And that's it.

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Or that you look at another couple and we're living in such a nice house and you feel I'm living in this small you know, condo or small basement apartments in the past five years and this man, he doesn't have a stable job. He doesn't know what he's doing. I don't think I want to live with him. And from that ingratitude, gums you know, feelings of dislike and hatred and aversion which leads to arguments and fighting, and then it's over.

00:50:47 --> 00:50:49

So patience is necessary Be realistic.

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Subhanak alone will be Hamdi Ganesha de la ilaha. Illa. Anta Mr. Furukawa tubulin Assalamu alaykum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh

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