Shadee Elmasry – MARRIAGE ADVICE every MUSLIM MAN needs to hear

Here's a rule of thumb, you don't play games and things that are

extremely serious in life. If you get those things down, right, you

don't have to worry about anything else. If you take the certain core

things, and you just focus on them and get them, right. The first one

is your iman and your Akita. And the people you surround yourself

with. The second one is your family life. Yeah, make sure that

family life everyone is happy in that family. And one of the I

remember, I was reading, I think it was Jeff. Yeah, he wrote a

wedding. Yeah, he said, even a medic said, the intelligent one, I

believe he said, the real man is the one who makes himself the most

lovable person in his house. What do you mean? You can make yourself

lovable, the prophesy sounds to give gifts, sensitivity also, not

not talking about things you know, is going to hurt them. Not

laughing at things you know, is gonna hurt them. Like oftentimes,

some guys laugh about this, I'm gonna take a second wife, like

you're hurting somebody, you may think it's funny, and you say I'm

not just a joke. But you're, it's a sensitivity, right? Sensitivity

is one way to earn a lot of love, and your family, generosity,

forgiveness, and all. Ultimately, you gotta give away a lot of time.

There is an article in New York Times, The Curse of the new

generation is the amount of success they have at their hands.

They have so many opportunities, there's no room for kids. And in

some cases, so much success. There's no room for a spouse, no

room for marriage. Some people are so good at school, they go on from

school to medical school, they're so good. And they get offer all

the fellowships, and they get all the way up to, you know, the

highest levels in their fields, because they're so smart. But

there is such a thing as too much of a good thing. Because now,

those offers are almost too good to refuse. But the moment you

accept it, you're actually refusing marriage. And that's what

happens. And then what happens when you invest in those, and

you're 40 years old, and you're not married? Are you even marriage

a bowl? Honestly, you're probably your first marriage is going to be

a dry run, that's a disaster, you're gonna have to learn all the

lessons hit age 40, you're stuck in your ways, do you know how much

hassle that just a baby is gonna cause to you. And you may feel

like I can't take my foot off the pedal, I gotta keep going. But the

baby's going to take away a lot of your time. Do you have to make a

choice, I'm telling you get things right, in your homes and your dean

first, in your dean, pick someone who's agrees with your dean, I'll

tell you where Dean doesn't matter where neither of them care. But if

both of them care, they need to be on the right opinion in the same

opinion. Otherwise, in anything, like if you if you're both

political people, you can't be opposed the care so much about

certain views, you have to have the same views, right? Certain

things. My theory, certain things in marriage have to be the same

view. And certain things should be opposite. The same view should be

in the core things. The opposite view should be in temperament.

Like I rush, and she thinks, right?

Like that temperament, those things? Do you make a perfect

pair? And both? Can your kids also get to see the spectrum? But main

views, religious views, whatever you care about, has to be the

same. Gotta be in agreement on this right? Or else you're gonna

have a clash. You get that your dean right. And when you guys get

married, you gotta know what to put out.

Ahead of your of marriage is only Dean. That's it, nothing else

should be ahead of career should not be ahead of it.

Parents, in a sense to a to an area where if, if it's not taken

away from someone else's rights, that's their condition. So for

example, a dad cannot say to his son,

I need you to come and join me. We're going on a trip. Oh, but

yeah, but my kids need me here. Don't worry about that come or a

wife Oh, Dad cannot say I need you to divorce this guy, he's a bum

complete. Divorce has got or he says to the Son, you need to

divorce this woman or the usually it's the mother tells her son, get

rid of this woman. There's rights for other people. So you need to

be with them provided that it doesn't aggress upon someone

else's rights, your job with your family, with your parents, as as

Allah says, they may have been in Dec algebra when they reach old

age with you.

So a man who will be responsible for his mother father and in the

absence of a son for his in laws that his in laws to also shift

like, yeah, you notice that a lot of people in marriages The reason

doesn't work out is because they're not the same people gonna

have the same thing. That's what you need to both be on the same

page you need to have Okay, when we have a disagreement, where do

we go back to? So you see in the modern day and age, right, you

have like this person's operating on this framework, and the

husband's on

a different framework. So when you disagree, it's like, how do you

solve a problem? You have to have the same result. Meaning, when

there is a question in life, where do we go back to write the

questions about life question about right and wrong? What's our

resource? We don't have to know the answers. But we have to know

the resource. Like this is the law book right here. If when there's a

dispute about right and wrong, here's where we go. And then there

needs there's some there's not going to be in the law book, like,

which school are we going to go to? It's not going to be in the

dean? Which specific thing are we going to do? Which home are we

going to get? Which neighbors are we going to choose to live next to

all those types of things. So now you need a methodology. And I'm

telling you, the best methodology is one of the heart which is

sensitivity to the person in front of you care more about that others

than yourself? Right? If you always care about yourself, that's

the abode of business. That's the abode of the marketplace. That's

the state to be in in the marketplace, when I go to the

market is not going to do charity.

When you go put your resume out to interview at a job, it's not

charity, to say, You know what?

I'm going to scrap the interview. You take the job, no one does

that. Right. That's why the contracts in Islam or manyatta

show or webinars mukarram. Now, sure, I'm coming from myself. And

there's nothing wrong with that. There's nothing immoral about

that. Nothing Islamic about that. Maybe animal karma is we're coming

together on a deal, but I'm willing to forego most of what's

mine. But I'm and I'm gonna give you extra. That's what our shoe

taught us. Check my Bucha beep teaches this.

In Bevin, Nika. And he says Octone medneo. Allen mukarram. Right.

And, and that's what's most important. So it's not just about

what is my rights, you're gonna get your rights, but you're not

going to be happy. There's a big difference in getting your rights

and being happy. Allah subhanaw taala promised the Arabian

peninsula that He will fill them because the draw of Ibrahim, he

will overflow them with resources. Do they have the resources or not?

Yes. Are they happy or not? Are they successful or not? They're

not successful. Right? Yeah, they're successful have resources.

But are is it an improvement to their deen and the OMA? No, it's

not. So there's one thing about getting your rights is nothing

about being happy. And being happy in your home. It's all about being

selfless. The main things in life are your faith, your family and

your finances. F D if you get these things and you treat them

right with Allah to Allah, you'd be safe with everything else. You

don't have to worry about anything else after that. Your your Eman

and your Elpida your marriage and your household and your family.

And then your finances. That could mess a person's life up. Gotta

have a way of earning. Right and you got to give it time every day.

I'm telling you the way